About this Site

At HMHB gigs, they wear their hearts on their sleeves. And their oven gloves on their hands. But this loyalty isn’t only articulated through the redesign of kitchen-based protective wear, as a glimpse at the internet will reveal. One fansite consists of full transcriptions and in-depth analysis of every Blackwell lyric ever recorded. The site goes by the attractive strapline of ‘179 Pop Songs Picked Over By Pedants’. My kind of people.

– Nige Tassell, “Mr Gig” (2013)

Chris Rand (AKA here as “Chris The Siteowner” or “CtSO”) writes:

The only thing growing faster than the number of blogs on the internet is the number of blogs quoting Half Man Half Biscuit lyrics. At this rate, we’ll have a Half Man Half Biscuit lyrical event horizon about 2032 where nothing else is ever published.

Trouble is, like darts in soap operas, most of them are so wrong. So with too much time on my hands, obviously, I’ve been trying to rectify the situation, and not only build a complete set of lyrics, but actually get them right (with a lot of help from the comments and corrections of many people, for which I thank you). It originally took just over three years, then we had a new album, and… well, let’s hope the job is never finished.

Of course, these lyrics are the copyright of the songwriters, and if they have any objections to this non-profit-making site, please contact me and I’ll remove the offending material immediately.

But where should you begin? Right here:

A Beginner’s Guide to Half Man Half Biscuit

Half Man Half Biscuit have been steadily making music since the mid-eighties. Whether you’re new to the band, or catching up with them after many years, a cracking place to start is this 2011 article by Taylor Parkes on The Quietus. Go and have a read. We’ll still be here when you get back in a few minutes.

That should have given you a decent flavour of what the band is all about. But if you want more, watch this seven-minute video made as part of the “John Peel’s Record Collection” series, introduced by the great man’s wife Sheila:

On to the music!

With so many good songs to choose from, there’s no definitive place to start catching up with 30 years of Half Man Half Biscuit. Perhaps the best place to start would be the fans’ favourite songs. The latest poll was in 2015, under the guise of the Lux Familiar Cup. Here’s the result, and we’ve made a playlist on Spotify if you’d like to play it all through:

More Reading

For lots of complementary stuff to this site, I’ll direct you to Gez’s long-running ‘HMHB Home Page’, where you can also spend hours. And if you found the Taylor Parkes article above interesting, you might also like to read this piece by Andy von Pip.

And what about this site?

As the name implies, The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project is focused on the lyrics to the songs, but in the process it’s also become the most active discussion site on the band. Work your way through our home page if you want to see everything we’ve got to offer. In particular, it’s worth investigating:

Your PBRs (Half Man Half Biscuit lyrics in the real world)
HMHB in the Media
The A to Z of Half Man Half Biscuit
Gig News and Reviews
The famous Half Man Half Biscuit Random Lyrics Generator

Website Activity Records

Milestones
First lyrics published 23/10/2007
Lyrics from first 11 albums completed 07/10/2010
“90 Bisodol (Crimond)” lyrics added 10/09/2011 to 10/12/2011
“Urge For Offal” lyrics added 11/10/2014 to 22/11/2014
Comment Number Date Reached
1 23/10/2007
5000 16/05/2011
10000 24/02/2013
15000 26/09/2014
20000 05/06/2015
25000 03/05/2016
30000 23/02/2017
Website Visitor Totals
Year Visitors Visits Top Referring Sites
2007 340 488
2008 17075 33081 Google, Wikipedia, Stumbleupon
2009 27961 56182 Google, Wikipedia, Yahoo, Guardian
2010 40152 85277 Google, HMHB.co.uk, Wikipedia, Bing
2011 50931 130506 Google, HMHB.co.uk, Bing, Wikipedia
2012 48755 106295 Google, HMHB.co.uk, Wikipedia, Bing
2013 47477 113826 Google, HMHB.co.uk, Bing, Twitter
2014 64259 164732 Google, HMHB.co.uk, Twitter, Bing
2015 67814 167452 Google, Facebook, HMHB.co.uk, Twitter
2016 79093 171883 Google, Twitter, HMHB.co.uk, Bing
2017 73900 170924 Google, Bing, Twitter, HMHB.co.uk

Days with over 1000 visitors
Date Visitors Visits Reason
Thu 1 March 2018 1971 2400 (“Creative Hub” announced; most referrals from Twitter)
Fri 18 May 2018 1791 2473 (“Creative Hub” released; most referrals from Google)
Fri 2 March 2018 1760 2135 (“Creative Hub” announced, day 2; most referrals from Twitter)
Mon 16 May 2016 1357 1575 (mention in this Guardian story)
Tue 22 May 2018 1322 1806 (“Creative Hub” release, day 5; most referrals from Google)
Mon 20 October 2014 1319 1858 (“Urge For Offal” released; most referrals from Google)
Mon 21 May 2018 1205 1724 (“Creative Hub” release, day 4; most referrals from Google)
Sat 19 May 2018 1148 1615 (“Creative Hub” release, day 2; most referrals from Google)
Sun 27 December 2015 1134 1321 (Lux Familiar Cup Final results; most referrals from Facebook)
Sun 20 May 2018 1048 1510 (“Creative Hub” release, day 3; most referrals from Google)
Tue 21 October 2014 1014 1474 (“Urge For Offal” release, day 2; most referrals from Google)
Wed 23 March 2011 1003 1131 (Fred Titmus dies; most referrals from Google searches for his name)

Finally… buy the music!

Straight from the source, you can buy Half Man Half Biscuit CDs and other stuff at the online store of their record label Probe Plus. The music is also available at all the normal download sources too, such as iTunes and Amazon UK. You won’t go far wrong with Creative Hub or any of the preceding five albums, Urge For Offal, 90 Bisodol (Crimond), CSI: Ambleside, Achtung Bono and Cammell Laird Social Club.

Welcome to the world of the band of which John Peel said:

In a decently ordered society members of Half Man Half Biscuit would be routinely carried shoulder high through the streets of every city they visited.

– John Peel (1997)

Chris Rand (“Chris The Siteowner”)
Originally written in September 2007
Email me

(Disclaimer: I’m not some sort of uber-fan: you can find the real ones at any of the band’s gigs. They’re all charming people. All I have is a love for the band and limited ability in website design. Oh, and I have a friend with a son called Archie, and another with a son called Fred. I have been caught wearing a footy shirt over a jumper. I’ve bought soup in cartons. And I know who PFM are. But I do live quite near Chatteris. Which is nice. You can judge me on my musical taste by seeing what I listen to, right here.)

Feel free to link here from your own websites. Thank you to the likes of The Guardian, The Irish Times, The Quietus and the late Word Magazine for doing so. And all the social media mentions you can manage will help spread the word.

You can follow additions to this site on Twitter at @hmhb_lyrics and follow Chris The Siteowner at @ChrisRandWrites

Contacting the Band

This is an unofficial website – please don’t contact me asking for introductions, booking them for gigs, etc. For that, contact the manager Geoff Davies at ProbePlus, 11 Sydenham Avenue, Liverpool, L17 3AU.
Telephone 0151 733 1810
Email geoff@probeplus.co.uk.