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  1. TRANSIT FULL OF keith on The HMHB Friday QuizGo »

    Excellent quiz with some nice lateral thinking required – ta!

    22 February 2020

  2. parsfan on The HMHB Friday QuizGo »

    I think it’s only fair to offer some guidance on one of the questions.

    One of the derbies is a homonym with the meaning I’m looking for being the name of a country in its own language. Interpreting it as the English word, which coincidentally could describe the foreign country, could elicit various incorrect answers.

    22 February 2020

  3. gipton TEENAGER on But I could still upset you with Millican and NesbittGo »

    @Uncle Joe. A fellow follower of the one true sport I see. I assume your balls are minty?

    22 February 2020

  4. Gagarin on GagarinGo »

    @ This Leaden Paul. No, I wasn’t murdered. The circumstances surrounding my death in 1968 have long been clouded by rumours and conspiracy theories. The truth is more mundane in that my colleague, Vladimir Seryogin, and I were unfortunate enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or, rather, the test pilot of a Su-15 Sukhoi supersonic jet was in the wrong place in that he was flying at an altitude of 475 meters instead of the 10,000+ meters at which he was cleared. The misunderstanding arose due to deteriorating weather conditions and a rapidly lowering cloud-base. The MiG-15UTI that Seryogin and I were piloting on a routine training flight encountered the Su-15 just as it broke the sound barrier. Our two aircraft were less than 50 meters apart at that moment and the turbulence created by the Su-15’s sonic boom flipped our MiG-15 over and sent us into a deep spiralling tailspin from which we had insufficient altitude to recover.

    22 February 2020

  5. dr desperate on We got ten out of ten in Jockey SlutGo »

    Nice spot, @Leommy! This resolves the Mingus/Martin/Marriott debate once and for all.

    22 February 2020

  6. lord leominster on We got ten out of ten in Jockey SlutGo »

    I arrived at this thread following Transit Full of Keith’s excellent Music Round quiz of February 2020. The answer to “Which band in a Biscuit song might be reasonably expected to blast out ‘Suffragette City’ as an encore cover version?” was, of course, Pankhurst but (not for the first time) I missed the obvious and thought the answer must relate to the “Wham Bam Thank You, Ma’am” line borrowed by HMHB from Bowie’s song for lines in Nove On The Sly and I Was A Teenage Armchair Honved Fan. Having read this thread I am able to settle an argument (comments 37 to 39, above, August 2012) about Bowie’s source for the line. Exxo is correct. In November 2003 Bowie listed his favourite twenty-five albums for Vanity Fair. Whilst fondly remembering the Bromley department store, Medhurst’s, Bowie says “Jimmy, the younger partner, recommended this [Charlie] Mingus album one day around 1961…It has on it the rather giveaway track ‘Wham Bam Thank You Ma’am’.”

    21 February 2020

  7. Schoon on New Half Man Half Biscuit Album in 2018Go »

    So when is the next album out? 2020, 2021 or a Rammstein-like 2028?

    21 February 2020

  8. Intheshadowoflilly on The HMHB Friday QuizGo »

    Ooh, excellent. Thanks for this. Found at least one double so far, tricky!

    21 February 2020

  9. Stringy bob on Undead hate all fundraising stalwartsGo »

    Is it just me or does some of this sound like “Freebird”?

    21 February 2020

  10. parsfan on The HMHB Friday QuizGo »

    Derby Day
    Some of this will doubtless seem quite familiar from discussions about The Lux Familiar Cup. A simple enough idea but it started with the intention of one of the questions being a whole quiz in its own right – but then I could only come up with two answers.

    So, 25 questions each of which link two Half Man Half Biscuit songs. If that sounds a bit too simple here’s some convolution for you. Some of them will have three or more answers, these surplus titles won’t go to waste as they’ll be required as answers for other questions. You’ll need to decide which two to use and which one(s) are needed elsewhere.

    In short – two song titles per derby, each to only appear once, so 50 different songs.

    Apologies in advance, I have absolutely no doubt that I’ll have missed a few.

    • one point per correct song title
    • one point if it’s right but should have been somewhere else
    • potential half points can be won if you come up with something I hadn’t thought of and can convince me it’s valid and on theme

    In, almost, alphabetical order…
    1. The Beethoven’s 9th Derby
    2. The Blue Peter Derby
    3. The Camden Pub Derby
    4. The Captain Flack Derby
    5. The Fife Derby
    6. The First Man In Space Derby
    7. The IJsselmeer Derby
    8. The India Derby
    9. The Island Derby
    10. The Jobson Derby
    11. The Lemon Derby
    12. The Lime Derby
    13. The Lilac Derby
    14. The Liver Birds Derby
    15. The Lizard King Derby
    16. The Lord Hereford’s Knob Derby
    17. The Map Book Derby
    18. The Norfolk Derby
    19. The Stereo Derby
    20. The Taxi Driver’s Boil Derby
    21. The Tesco Derby
    22. The Twat Derby
    23. The Umlaut Derby
    24. The Up And Down Derby
    25. The Zoo Derby

    As usual, no posting answers just yet but feel free to comment without giving anything away. I’ll post the answers plus some explanation on Monday evening (some will need it, they’re not all as simple as they might appear).

    21 February 2020

  11. Cream cheese and chives on Bus Replacement ServiceGo »

    Due to heavy rain there were a great number of bus replacement services for trains to South Wales from Piccadilly tonight.

    20 February 2020

  12. mister tubbs on Inter (Milan)Go »

    Brian Moore always used to pronounce Ajax, as if he was talking about the washing up liquid of the same name.
    We didn’t get to hear that much of Archie McPherson south of the border, but I remember a game against Spain, where the Spanish forward “Quini” which is usually pronounced “Keanie”, was referred to as “Queenie”, and another Spaniard called “Angel” was pronounced as in Angel Delight!
    I get the impression that a lot of football commentators were just “winging it” and not doing their research

    20 February 2020

  13. mister tubbs on The HMHB Friday QuizGo »

    I’ve got something in the pipeline, but it won’t be ready for another week or two.

    20 February 2020

  14. Uncle joe on But I could still upset you with Millican and NesbittGo »

    Years late to all of this but for what it’s worth…

    It does seem to be “Dee” in the first two choruses then definitely “she” but could just be vocal shenanigans. There’s also some not-often-heard reverb on the last word of the first and second lines of each verse, a reflection of AOR music? Probably overthinking that.

    As for that Doritos thing, I was so upset when I read that whilst in the shop that I kicked over and smashed the crisp stand and sent Frito-Lay the bill.

    To switch that band/football team thing around, would Biscuit be Accrington Stanley? Northern, obscure and most people haven’t heard of them and aren’t sure if they are real or a figment of other people’s imaginations/made up (that milk ad).

    Although I have heard almost all the songs before, I’m not even halfway through listening properly and immersing myself in my fIrst-10-albums purchase. If there’s a better all-round album lurking amongst CSI, Four Lads, Godcore, TLP, Bridgewater, Voyage or Bisodol than M,T&D then I for one cannot wait to hear it. Obsessed with the thing and finding it hard to move on.

    Probably no dice live til Blackpool, 9th October, for various reasons (abroad for at least 2 of the dates), the day before the Grand Final at Old Trafford -what a weekend!

    20 February 2020

  15. brumbiscuit on Inter (Milan)Go »

    Motson once made a rather feeble attempt at pronouncing IFK Goteborg’s name.

    He said:”it’s pronounced ‘yur-tur-borg’, which was better than nothing, I suppose and the Swedish ‘rg’ ending is a tricky one. However, if you’re going to make the effort, at least do it properly. The closest is: ‘yur-tur-bore-ee’. The IFK would be ‘ee-eff-koo’.

    (None of which is helped by my inability to type Swedish characters on this machine!)

    See also Bjorn Borg, he must despair, as both names got mangled.

    20 February 2020

  16. parsfan on The HMHB Friday QuizGo »

    Anyone have anything planned for Friday?

    If not, I need to get mine out so I can stop thinking up new questions and discovering new answers that invalidate existing questions and force me to come up with more questions to fix the broken ones.

    It was such a simple idea to begin with.

    19 February 2020

  17. dr desperate on Inter (Milan)Go »

    Although one recalls with pleasure the late Joe Mercer referring to the ‘Dutch Democratic Republic’.

    19 February 2020

  18. Tim Shaw on Inter (Milan)Go »

    Personally it matters little when team names are anglicised it’s individual players I feel for and I think it’s made worse at world cup 3rd when 12 non English reporters say big name correctly then Johnny English asks adding silent letters and just making a mess of a players name and nobody says anything.

    19 February 2020

  19. transit full of keith on Cover Versions on VideoGo »

    The cover of Pink Floyd’s ‘Bike’ (Cambridge Junction last year) is not on youtube & one of the best covers I’ve seen them do. One of the most site-specific as well (Syd Barrett grew up about 300 yards from the venue & by some accounts first met David Gilmour about 300 yards in the other direction, in the Crown, which is now the Flying Pig).

    Just mentioning it in case any of this site’s denizens managed to capture it for posterity …

    19 February 2020

  20. dr desperate on Cover Versions on VideoGo »

    Which is quite similar to ‘CORGI Registered Friends’, I now notice.

    19 February 2020

  21. dr desperate on Cover Versions on VideoGo »

    Killing Joke’s ‘Wardance’ from Northampton Roadmender 15/2/20.

    18 February 2020

  22. Palmer Eldritch on The Roadmender, Northampton – 15 February 2020Go »

    Great gig, superb sound from the venue. I’m sure I caught Neil playing the opening notes of Joy Division’s Twenty Four Hours before Nigel said ‘We did that at the soundcheck.’

    18 February 2020

  23. EXXO on BlabyGo »

    That’s the fella.

    17 February 2020

  24. Bobby Svarc on BlabyGo »


    17 February 2020

  25. EXXO on BlabyGo »

    I’ve forgotten my log-in, as it’s been a long while since you invited me on there, so I can’t report the hate speech and racism in that thread but nice racist mocking of Irish Travellers there by a poster calling himself Micky the Hoss.

    17 February 2020

  26. Bobby Svarc on BlabyGo »

    My football site? It isn’t my site. I go on there as do lots more.

    17 February 2020

  27. EXXO on BlabyGo »

    Nope, it’s good to be generous Leommy, but the racism against the “caravan site” was pretty clear, and it was pretty clear too that he was hoping we’d all find it jolly amusing, like they do on his football site, which it isn’t. I went on his football site to check that i wasn’t jumping to conclusions, and sure enough the posts there involved mocking Irish Travellers generically and then when it finally ddegenerated to “Gypsy c*nts” from a poster called Tealfox, the opinion was not challenged by the moderator …

    Within the terms of the race Relations Act, this is beyond doubt racism, and we should not allow it to drag this site down.

    Zero Tolerance. That Specials song.

    17 February 2020

  28. BOBBY SVARC on BlabyGo »

    Where have I shown the slightest piece of racism on the two posts that I’ve put on this board today?

    17 February 2020

  29. Lord leominstEr on BlabyGo »

    Exxo, powerful words and all too true but I didn’t read it that Bobby was attacking one community, rather having a dig at the police who are, after all, accountable and better placed to deal with criticism, justified or otherwise.

    Bobby, Exxo is correct: prejudice and discrimination against the Gypsy and Traveller communities is the last form of ‘acceptable’ racism in this country. But the times they are a changing; slowly, but we’re getting there. I’m not a Traveller myself but I have the privilege of working with some. There’s good and bad in every community. Don’t believe everything you read in the press.

    17 February 2020

  30. BOBBY SVARC on BlabyGo »

    You’ve lost me, Mate.

    17 February 2020

  31. EXXO on BlabyGo »

    Exactly. There’s a couple of bad family feuds down there. Even I know, that from 120 miles away. So don’t try to turn it into race hate, with a little nod and a wink, like we’re all gonna go “hur hur, yeah the caravan site,” cos we’re not going to put up with that shit. If those gang families were Merseyside, they’s be white British. If they were London, they might be another ethnicity. And don’t try to say the police should name names before getting the evidence together and slur races, cos that wouldn’t help justice, quite the opposite.

    You don’t know who’s a Gypsy or Traveller on here, you don’t know whose friends and family are Travellers, you don’t know whose Mrs. has given the last 15 years of her life fighting racism against Gypsies and Travellers, real direct racism that destroys opportunities because people slur communities because of the actions of a few . Challenge it when you see it mate.

    17 February 2020

  32. BOBBY SVARC on BlabyGo »

    Not gangs but families. Tarmac wars, kinda.

    17 February 2020

  33. EXXO on BlabyGo »

    There’s gang violence in a lot of different communities mate, and it’s surely good that the cops are no longer allowed to be as openly racist as they used to be.

    Always a shame to see racism allowed to flourish on football message boards too.

    17 February 2020

  34. dr desperate on The Roadmender, Northampton – 15 February 2020Go »

    Apologies to curly-C Carl, it was kicking-K Karl who was reprimanded before ‘Ready Steady Goa’. Incidentally, don’t those opening chords sound quite like ‘Song From Under The Floorboards’ (not Morrissey’s version)?

    17 February 2020

  35. dr desperate on The Roadmender, Northampton – 15 February 2020Go »

    Lawks, that was a good gig, and no mistake.
    Storm Dennis having made the roads too dangerous for all but essential travel, we were able to make excellent time driving down, giving us a few hours for pre-gig drinks at the St Giles Ale House and Punjabi pizza at the Princess Alexandra. Jitsu_G overheard the jolly trans barman mentioning that “an all-girl Ramones tribute band” were playing at The Black Prince round the corner, so I sneaked in and caught the end of The Ramonas’ soundcheck, “Oh Oh, I Love Her So”. I do enjoy a micro-gig.

    In the same vein I arrived at the Roadmender just in time for the support band West Wickhams’ last song, ‘Goathland’ (though given their appearance the first ‘a’ seemed moot). Automorph Tim was at the front, and we laid bets on local band Bauhaus providing the cover of the night (him, wrong) and local magician Alan Moore being spotted in the crowd (me, right).
    As Roger describes, NB was sporting a Wind Stopper tee shirt (which I later found described on the Gore cycling website as part of their base layer range), and Carl’s Peter Hammill tee was recognisable from Cambridge in September. His black eye was a new addition.

    The tremendous setlist was as above, with ‘Umberstone’ the only member of the First Eleven to be dropped. Exxo should note that ‘A Hard Day’s Night’ was sung only by the crowd, after NB had noticed that Carl had played what sounded like both the opening chord to a Fall song (can’t remember which one) and George’s FAdd9 at the beginning of The Beatles’ hit. The “new eel song” went, “When an eel bites your cheek when you’re down by the creek, that’s a moray”.
    The welcome return of ‘Ready Steady Goa’ to the encores was delayed slightly when NB reprimanded Carl “You should know it, it’s one of ours”, but reassured us that we should still be able to catch the last bus, and hoped we’d remembered to tape MOTD.

    There was plenty of banter, most of which Roger has recorded for posterity, but there was an additional phone call at the end to inform NB that two people at home had had their roofs blown back on, and the discussion about the Arrowe Park quarantinees concluded with the ominous observation that we hadn’t been shown where they’d been sent on release. Recalling that ‘coronavirus’ is an anagram of ‘carnivorous’ I suggested Soylent Green, to which NB replied correctly, “Soylent Green is people!”
    A couple more insertions to Roger’s Exemplary Review: the song they’d already played at the soundcheck was ‘Evening Sun’, shouted for successfully by Tim, wearing as he was his ultimate pyjamas and final dressing gown.
    And it’s ‘erratum’.

    On to Bristol!

    17 February 2020

  36. CARRIE ANNE on The Roadmender, Northampton – 15 February 2020Go »

    Lovely Roger Green’s review, taken from Gez’s website

    The Roadmender, Northampton, Sat 15th Feb 2020
    Roger Green:

    To start with,Tony was keen to sort out an errata, or is it errato, or erratum? It concerns a comment by Nigel at the Hull gig in January. He had talked about Sing Something Simple from the days of yore on Radio Two. Nigel had thought it was the Mike Sammes Singers who had featured on this programme. Tony had disagreed, saying that it was actually the Cliff Adams Singers, and that the Mikes Sammes Singers may have taken over in the later years. But Tony then came back to me, to say that it had in fact always been the Cliff Adams Singers. As always, I am happy to clear up this confusion, but please direct any queries towards Tony.

    I can’t claim to be a big fan of Peter Crouch’s Podcast. I don’t have the technology to be a regular listener, but sometimes catch it on Five Live. Not quite fully awake, I heard a section where Peter was talking about fans cheering at corners. His sidekick (sorry, didn’t catch the name) explained that one in eight, or one in nine of them lead to a goal. This statistic is described as “rarely” in This One’s For Now. I’m sure that someone out there in Biscuitland will have far more substantial statistical evidence on this subject.

    Karen and I went to see John Shuttleworth at City Varieties in Leeds. That’s the place where they recorded The Good Old Days. No plate-spinning tonight, and no closing chorus of The Old Bull And Bush. But John was on fine form. He has touches of Half Man Half Biscuit, dealing with the minutiae of life. You can almost imagine Nigel Blackwell singing material such as Can’t Go Back To Savoury Now. Almost. But not quite. Another point about the evening…At the end of the interval, it was good to see some robust stock-taking as the attendants were cashing up the ice cream sales. Very prudent practice to ensure that everything was in order.

    We also saw John Godber’s play Angels Of The North. It’s a good night (or afternoon) out, if you can catch it on tour, and if you require non-music related entertainment. We didn’t see any live music at all between the Hull and Northampton shows.

    I was at the Roadmender the last time that HMHB were here. And I came here with Karen when two quarters of Bauhaus were appearing in a semi-reunion show in what had been their home town. The most recent time that I saw Peter Murphy was on the internet when he was being pinned to the floor by a couple of policemen after being kicked out of his own gig in Stockholm. HMHB chose as the walk-on music Bauhaus’s Bela Lugosi’s Dead. Splendid.

    The week before HMHB’s return, Storm Ciara had visited our islands, making an impact on the Saturday and Sunday. Some terrible things happened to folk. Again I was negligent, in not getting the name of the reporter, but the BBC had sent a guy to report from the sea front at Aberystwyth. Clearly he isn’t a HMHB fan. He reported that a number of trains had been cancelled, but “bus replacement services” were running. I thought that discrepancy had been sorted out in the lyric of National Shite Day.

    Just one of those things which plants a HMHB song in your head… Karen was on a train earwigging a group of women talking, one of whom told the others about a recent holiday in Cyprus. She said, “We found a nice little cove.” No mention of whether or not other people go there, but Karen was left singing Hedley Verityesque to herself.

    Another tune came to mind when March’s issue of When Saturday Comes landed. It had a couple of pages on the immortal Mart Poom. Immortal? Well, that’s the first word that sprang into my head. Supporters of Portsmouth, Derby County, Sunderland, Arsenal and Watford may choose to agree or disagree. But what breaks him away from the rest of us is the mention in Left Lyrics In The Practice Room. “You Drink Too Much Oranjeboom / Your Jaw Juts Out Like Mart Poom.” Indeed.

    The weather was a factor again on the day of this gig. Storm Dennis was moving across the country. It was just an average February morning when I stepped onto the train at Wakefield Westgate. But by the time we left Turtle Bay in Northampton, fed and watered later in the afternoon, and having said hello to John, Elizabeth, Andy and Celia, we noticed that Dennis was certainly around. I had wondered about the fact that Dennis was given a double “n”. I rattled off a few people that I had heard of. Denis Law? Dennis Hartley? Dennis Priestley? Denis Healey? Dennis Waterman? Dennis The Menace? Maybe the people at Storm Naming Control drew up a long list, and went with the majority. Maybe they just flipped a coin.

    We checked in at the Ibis hotel, which had suffered storm damage the previous weekend. This meant that rooms on the top floor were out of order, and some folk had had to be relocated miles out of town. Worst luck. Howie, Daz and Postman Tony were there checking in at the same time.

    Karen was in charge of the paper review, and she spotted an article in The Northampton Chronicle. It featured a well-lit black and white photo of Nigel, underneath which was written, “Birkenhead post-punks Half Man Half Biscuit are headlining The Roadmender. The band’s 14th album No-One Cares About Your Creative Hub So Get Your Hedge Cut, was released in 2018. Doors open at 7.30pm, tickets cost £20 before fees.” Karen won’t be alone in noticing that there was a word missing from the title of the album. We’ll give it some thought before sending in a letter to the editor.

    We met Tony at an agreed time (6.30) at an agreed place (reception) and then wandered off through the hotel car park, through various subways and arrived at the Roadmender well ahead of the doors opening. This allowed plenty of time to absorb the implications suggested by the somewhat faded warning sign. Drink alcohol in the street and you get clobbered with a £500 fine. Those pesky kids.
    Other people not drinking in the street and joining us in the queue were Andrew, Brian, Graham, Sarah, Elizabeth and John. There was much reminiscence of Bury and Bolton Wanderers from Brian and Andrew, as well as updates on their respective plights. Matt also joined us in the February chill.

    Inside the venue, the first song on the PA was New Big Prinz by The Fall, auguring a good night ahead. Hearing The Undertones’ Jimmy Jimmy and Sleaford Mods’ Tied Up In Nottz was also encouraging. I got a Geoff update from Miles on the merch stall. Geoff was on good form last time Miles saw him. He’s still hoping to get to one of the shows when the band plays nearer to home. While I was at the stall, I was asked if I knew which album features Running Order Squabble Fest. I pointed my fellow punter towards This Leaden Pall. I’ll be in touch with Miles later, to negotiate a percentage. I didn’t catch the guy’s name, but I’m sure he would have appreciated the live airing of the song later.

    There was more catching up to be done. Steve from Worthing said Hello. He had been at the Half Mandolin Half Biscuit gig upstairs at The Rutland in Sheffield, the afternoon after HMHB had played at The Leadmill in 2019. Ian and Mariana also said Hello. By now, the music on the PA was starting to sound like one of my home-taping collections. They played Reward by The Teardrop Explodes and Public Image by Public Image Limited.

    Tonight’s support band was West Wickhams. After a couple of songs, Karen tapped me on the shoulder and said “Do you think they are trying to be a bit gothy?” Later she nabbed some notes about them from the internet.

    “West Wickhams are Jon Othello and Elle Flores, a psychedelique Garage Noir Deux peace, originally from Tresco on the Isles Of Scilly.
    Tresco is famously the island of lost souls and is home to subtropical plants and shipwrecked figureheads.
    They’ve recently relocated to Richmond, Surrey, where the creatures rule.West Wickhams are an imagined rival gang to punk style icons the Bromley Contingent.
    They are influenced by: Whitby Abbey, Pipe Organs, Flowers, Polka Dot Cats, Dark Punk, Gothic Novels and Rock ‘n’ Roll Autobiographies, Castles, Abstract Painting, Euphoria, Mist, Autumn, Halloween, Optical Illusions, Edgar Allan Poe and Andy Warhol.”

    All of which goes some way to explaining a lack of singing along. I can deal with that. You can always understand why there would be a scramble to be the support band on these evenings. West Wickhams are the latest in the queue. Hopefully they’ll be at the top of the list again soon. Heartbeat was filmed in and around Goathland. Maybe they can segueway their song into the theme from that programme?
    Thanks to them for the copy of their single He’s Acquired A New Face. Still in search of a record player, so I’ll hear it one day.

    For the record, they played six songs.
    Every Move
    Kick The Habit
    Where The Creatures Rule
    Death Of Madonna
    He’s Acquired A New Face

    There were more good sounds on the PA. More from The Undertones (My Perfect Cousin) and then Rip It Up by Orange Juice. The interval also provided an opportunity to see the smoke machine being set up. The instruction on the side of the packet must be brief and to the point. “Just add fluid” I would guess. I’ve never seen that being done before. Not sure it’s a good idea though. I was pretty much in pole position when it started blasting out. Thanks to the security guy who was making great play of blocking the smoke coming out. I was taken back to a Sisters Of Mercy gig in Leeds in the mid-eighties. That one was the king of smoke. Bit of a dry throat the following morning, it has to be said. John was stopping in the same place, so maybe I should have taken medical advice. I suppose “Stand somewhere else” would be the advice. Ho hum. Smoke machine! What the fuck were we breathing? Nigel pointed out later that it looked like some sort of goth party was going on. Yes, well how was he to know any different?

    We had Reverend Black Grape by Black Grape on the PA. And Hallelujah and Twenty-Four Hour Party People by Happy Mondays also had Daz’s toes tapping. Daz was heading back after the gig on the train to Euston. Then on the night bus to his girlfriend’s. I was guessing at the time when he might arrive. He would have to make his own cocoa. And being a small town oik, I still struggle with the concept of buses running through the night.

    After false starts, involving Neil and Karl appearing on stage to plug in or tune up or whatever, HMHB appeared at near enough nine o’clock. “Hats off to the weather,” was Nigel’s first comment. Rightly so. In Renfield’s Afoot, he mentioned about a torch being recommended. “But not a police torch. They’re too strong.” The song was also marked as a “True story” by Nigel. He also noted “I saw a lawyer walking round with his hands in his own pockets.”

    He acknowledged Dave Bowen, Northampton Town and Wales legend, player and manager. The same with Alan Moore, comics writer. Regarding local celebrities, further into the evening Nigel also remembered “Bob Harris, of course.” Later on, Nigel also spotted Pam Ferris. Some notes on attire. Karl was wearing an Amon Duul II tshirt. Nigel had “wind stopper” on his shirt. Apt for the day we were experiencing.

    “Norton Canes before you ask,” said Nigel in anticipation of a question about stop-offs during the band’s journey to the gig. “I had a tea from Costa, because it angers them. And a flapjack.” In response to further questioning, Nigel noted that “We’re from The Wirral. Quarantine capital of the UK. We’re a peninsula, so they can cut us off if it gets out of hand.”

    After Restless Legs there was a chorus from the crowd of the der-der-der bit of Jackie Wilson Said. Nigel said he was surprised that this had never been turned into a football chant. Or maybe it had, at somewhere like Raith Rovers? “Starks Park,” he said. “Ask me another one.”

    After Ode To Joyce, Nigel shared some information. “We had an Auntie Joyce, but not a real Auntie. Just somebody we knew. She developed amnesia of music from the 1980s. There was no Cure.” He also told us about his mate who lives in North Korea. Nigel had been in touch to ask “What’s it like living there?” His mate replied “I can’t complain.”

    The final line in Lock Up Your Mountain Bikes was “That’s when I was saying we are down.” Nigel exchanged knowing nods with Neil and spoke about Tranmere having no creative midfield, and having nobody up front. “The next one would do a better job for us up front,” he added, before the band played The Bastard Son Of Dean Friedman.

    There was a security guy standing in front of the stage. Nigel pointed at him, and then at John. “Competition!” he said, referring to the hi vis jackets. “His is better than yours,” he said to John. “Yours is a bit weather worn.”

    A tree had been blown down on Sheep Street. There was a fight going on nearby. Carl had called Special Branch. The teenager in Footprints came downstairs and watched Rainbow and The Sullivans. Nigel produced a fair golf swing on the final line of that one.

    Karl struck what appeared to be the opening chord of A Hard Day’s Night. This led to a lively community singalong. Good for the soul. Marilyn Monroe is still “on the scag” according to tonight’s version of 99% Of Gargoyles.

    I didn’t hear the shout in question. Somebody requested one of the songs. Nigel replied “We did that in the soundcheck. You should have been here earlier.” However I did hear Postman Tony’s request for Len Ganley Stance. No such luck. Nigel’s delivery of the vocals on Dukla Prague was lost and confused. “After forty years, the rocky road has begun,” he said. He turned to Neil and asked “Who are you?”

    When the band came back for the encore, Nigel thanked everyone “for coming out in… the weather.” Very kind, but it was the least we could do. The band gets better with age. While they had been off stage, Neil had had a phone call from home. His pet chameleon had died of exhaustion, crawling across a tartan rug.

    At the end of the night, I exchanged farewells with Andy from Dumfries. Also with Nigel and Jo. Nigel reminded me about Goole’s recent penalty shoot-out victory over Pontefract in one of the local cups. It was grand to see Graham Le Taxi making one in, having missed a couple of the recent shows. And it was the first time for a while that I had a chat with Denise. And that was us out of there. Early train back on the Sunday. No direct weather problems, although we noticed many fields under water. And there were the inevitable signalling problems at Daventry. We could handle that. Only just though. Very nearly missed the connection at New Street.

    Here’s how the HMHB set went. The ensemble deserves its place. We also had a sniff of a possible eel-related new song rolling round on the production conveyor belt. That’s A Moray. And there was a lovely Killing Joke cover version in there.

    The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Is The Light Of An Oncoming Train
    Venus In Flares
    Renfield’s Afoot
    Bad Losers On Yahoo Chess
    Running Order Squabble Fest
    What Made Colombia Famous
    Restless Legs
    Ode To Joyce
    Fuckin’ ‘Ell It’s Fred Titmus
    Bob Wilson Anchor Man
    Letters Sent
    Lock Up Your Mountain Bikes
    The Bastard Son Of Dean Friedman
    Look Dad No Tunes
    Floreat Inertia
    Every Time A Bell Rings
    A Hard Day’s Night
    Vatican Broadside
    99% Of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd
    Joy Division Oven Gloves
    For What Is Chatteris?
    The Bane Of Constance
    All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit
    We Built This Village On A Trad Arr Tune
    National Shite Day
    The Trumpton Riots

    And in the encore…
    Ready Steady Goa
    When The Evening Sun Goes Down
    Everything’s AOR

    Thanks to Karl for the written set list. There were a couple of comings and goings. “Terminus” was originally written in, then was crossed out and replaced by “Colombia”. “Terminus” was then written in the place where it was actually played. And there is no mention of When The Evening Sun Goes Down . Finally, “Floreat” appears to have been originally planned for the encore, but was replaced by Ready Steady Goa. On to Bristol now.

    17 February 2020

  37. Bobby Svarc on BlabyGo »

    A drive by shouting and shooting on the Blaby Road in Enderby near to the caravan site has left two gentlemen in hospital with gunshot wounds. Leicestershire Police spokesman Sgt Useless Eutace said “we have no idea who these gentlemen are, we are baffled.”

    17 February 2020

  38. Automorph on The Roadmender, Northampton – 15 February 2020Go »

    My pleasure @bananayogi

    17 February 2020

  39. bananayogi on The Roadmender, Northampton – 15 February 2020Go »

    The punchline was that he asked his friend if he was enjoying living in North Korea. The friend replied, “Can’t complain” 🙂
    Some kind soul has uploaded half a dozen video clips of last night onto YouTube if anyone wants to relive the gig, at least partly. Thanks for the uploads, if you are on here (and why wouldn’t you be?)!

    16 February 2020

  40. SIMON P on The Roadmender, Northampton – 15 February 2020Go »

    What was the punchline to the North Korea story? I missed it due to some effwit shouting in my ear.

    Odd setlist but great fun. Am I sad for recognising the KJ cover from the drum intro?

    16 February 2020

  41. This is primark fm on The Roadmender, Northampton – 15 February 2020Go »

    Early 60th birthday prezzie to myself. Bloody brilliant. Look Dad No Tunes and I shook the hand of the King of Hi Vis. Thank you HMHB. Please come back to Southampton.

    16 February 2020

  42. bananayogi on The Roadmender, Northampton – 15 February 2020Go »

    Great gig – the sound was better than usual for the Roadmender and I was home in less than half an hour. Just about perfect! Nice to hear some rarely played songs as well. ‘Wardance’ was always one of my fave KJ offerings as well…

    16 February 2020

  43. Lee Gillingham on The Roadmender, Northampton – 15 February 2020Go »

    Another great gig. NB even threw me a bottle of water . appoligies if i anoyed anyone down the front . long drive back to southampton this morning .
    till next time .

    16 February 2020

  44. Clown in a yaris on The Roadmender, Northampton – 15 February 2020Go »

    Fabulous gig with quite an unusual setlist. Footprints was a particular highlight for me.

    16 February 2020

  45. hendrix-tattoo on NeilGo »

    After driving the boys to and fro through Storm Dennis to last nights gig….

    He had to go to work this morning….

    God bless you man….

    ‘Neil Crossley is a Rock ‘n’ Roll genius’….

    16 February 2020

  46. Ian on The Roadmender, Northampton – 15 February 2020Go »

    Great gig, very entertaining.
    Listened to Amon Duul’s Yeti on the way down, kind of fitted the extreme weather, & then Karl was wearing an Amon Duul Yeti t-shirt. Coincidence? I think not.

    16 February 2020

  47. TRANSIT FULL OF keith on The Roadmender, Northampton – 15 February 2020Go »

    I’ll second that, the sound was great and Karl’s funky guitar stylings seem to make everything sound fresh, even very familiar songs. Not heard ‘Letters Sent’ live before. ‘Bad Losers’ on Ernie Shackleton’s birthday. And it was very thoughtful of Nigel to bring some medical facemasks along.
    From where we were standing it looked like drummer Carl had a black eye? Hope he’s OK.

    16 February 2020

  48. hendrix-tattoo on The Roadmender, Northampton – 15 February 2020Go »

    Great gig the boys sounded superb.
    Absolute top notch….

    16 February 2020

  49. twistedkitemike on The Roadmender, Northampton – 15 February 2020Go »

    I do like the variety of a Biscuit gig that I can get home from in a squeak less than an hour. It genuinely breaks up the ennui of a long drive back from t’North. Mind you, I am quite enjoying the odd long drive at the moment, because somebody kindly suggested that I listen to one them there podcast thingies; “Athletico Mince” by Bob Mortimer and Andy Dawson. Worth checking out for the Mick McCarthy impression alone.

    However, as a theme of my life; I digress. Back to the point, which was to feed you with tonight’s (well, last night’s now) set-list before i retire to my crib.

    Nigel had obviously been swotting up on a few humourous tales and joke-ettes, which I am sure will all come your way in due course. I liked the North Korea one, which was not one of the recycled ones (for those that attend regularly), and the very topical finale to “Mountain Bikes”, which was; “that’s when I was saying, yes that’s when I was saying, we were down.” To be fair, it looks grim.

    On to the menu: –

    Light Tunnel
    Bat Walk
    Bad Losers
    Fred T
    Bob W
    Letters Sent
    Mountain Bikes
    Dean F
    Look Dad
    Bell Rings
    Bob T
    Trad Arr
    Evening Sun
    War Dance (Killing Joke)

    Nigel thanked the audience a number of times for coming out despite the weather. He is a naturally caring soul, but it wouldn’t taken a bit more than “Dennis” to keep us away!


    16 February 2020

  50. Luke O'Rourke on Pre-Gig Chat (2019/20 gigs)Go »

    I’m in a Joy Division t-shirt (no oven gloves sadly!)

    15 February 2020