CAMRA Man by Half Man Half Biscuit (1997) discussed...

In my mind’s eye I am a relatively cool, smart bloke (my kids, no doubt, do not share this assessment, but whatever). I am also a member of CAMRA, although mainly to get the £20-worth of ‘Spoonies vouchers and the occasional discount at proper pubs. Honestly. I don’t know if any of the band are CAMRA members, but somewhere along the line someone has experienced the sub-species at close quarters, because it is uncannily accurate in its description of the truly avid CAMRA man. I have gone on a couple of CAMRA crawls, and beards abound just as much as yeasty armpits.

This song isn’t as cutting as Viz magazine’s Real Ale Twats strip, no, it’s more of a list of the passions that such gentlemen have; although physical passion for the opposite sex (or the same sex, hey this is the 21st Century) doesn’t manifest itself in any way face-to-face. I’d imagine a CAMRA Man’s wank bank would need to be rather full and imaginative, given the prospects of finding ‘someone special’ that doesn’t come in a pint glass.

I love my real ale just as much as many HMHB fans do, judging by the pre-gig meetings I’ve been to. Isn’t there somewhere a post by a bloke who, complaining, says that almost every HMHB gig review he reads goes something along the lines of “Before the gig, I met Jimmy the Wraith and Hatchet Billy in the Bannister and Shamrock and had a lovely pint of Old Scroty’s Ballbasher…”? Maybe my mind’s eye just got mud in it. Cheers!

See lyrics to CAMRA Man