The Coroner’s Footnote

There’s a girl leaving town for the sunshine
She’s heading out to Happiness Bay
She’s going first thing in the morning
And hopes to be there by midday

Her flavoursome buck is awaiting
Laden with fraudulent charms
Enough for to plunge a doe such as she
Straight into his dastardly arms

But the tragedy lies in the background
For a young man by whom she’s adored
Is planning to throw himself under
The train she’s intending to board

Now the fates may look down and show mercy
And answer a poor mother’s call
And the service soon after departing
May stop for no reason at all

And the young girl may come to her senses
And the wretch may get tetchy and leave
And the chap wracked with anguish incarnate
May gladly accept his reprieve

Now some shitty lyrics site is stealing our words
So if you’re reading this anywhere else
Come and read the original stuff on
The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project

But the fates around these parts are ruthless
And sometimes just want people dead
So he’ll probably throw himself under
The ten twenty-seven instead

Now the engine is leaving the station
The cow has been scraped from the line
And two letters by way of explanation
Have been written for those left behind

And should there develop high drama
Upon which an inquest is heard
You may like to curb your lamenting
Until you’ve all heard the last word

Well he thought of a love unrequited
And he thought of a life full of pain
It’s a pity he didn’t spare a thought for
The poor bastard driving the train


Please do let me know if you see any live performance videos for this song on YouTube which haven't been listed below. Thanks!

Cab-shot video of a train journey from Victoria to Brighton(?). (03:51)