This description of how they create the manuals – from the Haynes website – is great:
“Actually writing a car manual takes 20 to 30 man-weeks. Authors work in pairs, which shortens the origination time and avoids them going crazy in the middle of long projects. We buy a car at the beginning of the project and sell it at the end – either to staff or on the open market. The workshop phase lasts approximately 4 weeks, although we usually keep the car until the manual is about to print in case of last-minute queries “
3 July 2015
Warden Hodges
He was something of an anchorman in that great West Indian side of the early 80s.
3 July 2015
EXXO
One of the great ‘what ifs’ of English football is how good England would have been in 1966 if he’d been playing, presumably as captain. Haynes recalled that the plodsman who attended the accident on Blackpool prom after the previous world cup didn’t realise he was a footballer – the first £100 a week footballer so maybe the first one to have a sports car – and said “don’t worry son, you’ve only broken your legs”.
3 July 2015
peter mcornithologist
Anyone remember Arthur Haynes. Had a T.V Show for several years during the 50’s and 60’s. I recall the Rolling Stones being his star guests on one show.
3 July 2015
EXXO
I hadn’t heard of the manuals before this song, but I don’t get it, why don’t the manufacturers do the manuals, why does another company have to do them?
3 July 2015
JUST MARK
@Exxo I can’t believe you’ve never bought a Haynes manual! On second thoughts, after reading your comments on here I can believe it. Manufacturers don’t want their customers carrying out their own repairs, the dealerships are quite happy to change your oil and filter and wipe your dipstick for £100 a go.
4 July 2015
brumbiscuit
One very irritating thing is that when you tackle a task you need to refer back to other tasks in the book, sometimes several, before you can do what you want to do. E.g. if you believe the Haynes for my Punto, you need to remove the front bumper assembly to change the nearside front headlamp bulb.
Reinforcing Just Mark’s point, the windscreen wiper assembly on a Punto is made of cheese and fails frequently at the wiper arm linkage. Haynes will very nicely tell you how to fit a £120 wiper assembly. Common sense tells you this is ludicrous, so you find out that someone on eBay offers special clips that fix the assembly for £3 a side.
4 July 2015
Jeff Dreadnought
Gibby Haynes: visionary genius behind the Butthole Surfers. “Sweat Loaf”, the Black Sabbath-inspired opening track of the Locust Abortion Technician album, is well worth a listen – possibly an even funnier take on “The End” than “Footprints”.
4 July 2015
JUST MARK
@BRUMBISCUIT – I had a fun afternoon once working on a Punto. Apparently, for some engine errors you have to ‘communicate’ with the engine management system by pressing the accelerator pedal and revving the engine for a set number of seconds. There was inevitably some translation problems. I thought it was simply evil that someone had devised this ridiculous system when a Y/N on a screen would have worked.
4 July 2015
peter mcornithologist
@ Thank you Mr. Dreadnoght. Great stuff. I wrongly assumed that they were a kind of naughty Beach Boys.
5 July 2015
skyburstgandalf
Haynes longest running recurring joke: “Reassembly is a simple reversal of the disassembly procedure” Oh my aching ribs (and skinned knuckles )
6 July 2015
EXXO
@ Mark. How naive of me. So there isn’t just a CD that comes with the vehicle?
But then again i should know this, ‘cos after trying to fix a door lock on her van for ages, Mrs Exford yesterday found a mechanic, who for a tenner, hooked the van up to the VW computer and informed it (the van) that it (the van) had a side door. Apparently it (the van) had forgotten this. It now knows, and the central locking and unlocking all works fine again.
7 July 2015
Eugene C
So many Haynes’ to comment about. Now that’s what I call value for money!
7 July 2015
dickhead in quicksand
@Just Mark – I’ve had my dipstick wiped for a lot less than £100.
7 July 2015
Dr desperate
Never sure whether to repeat posts from song threads in the A to Z, but I suggested on the FG page that ‘Haynes’ here might be Toby, director of ‘Five Days’ (2010), which featured Suranne Jones as DC Laurie Franklin.
I’ve been wondering about this myself. I left the photo (of a Haynes manual) up because there was never really any compelling evidence that “the Haynes” wasn’t referring to a Haynes Manual, despite Dr D’s keenly-observed link (I’m sure Toby isn’t known as “The Haynes”, is he?). So in that case we should put John Of That Ilk into TNLINOST. What do folks think?
12 February 2019
EXXO
Every “The Haynes” since 1960 has been published by the Haynes Group, a publishing company, and not specifically written by Johnny Haynes. It’s “the definitive guide to maintaining this vehicle published by the company called Haynes”. Therefore, much as I love to see a new addition to the list, and above all for the only song to ever claim a victim before it was released, it does not qualify.
✉ Letters Sent (18)
Skip to the most recent comment
(8 years ago by Exxo)
gok wan acolyte
This description of how they create the manuals – from the Haynes website – is great:
“Actually writing a car manual takes 20 to 30 man-weeks. Authors work in pairs, which shortens the origination time and avoids them going crazy in the middle of long projects. We buy a car at the beginning of the project and sell it at the end – either to staff or on the open market. The workshop phase lasts approximately 4 weeks, although we usually keep the car until the manual is about to print in case of last-minute queries “
3 July 2015
Warden Hodges
He was something of an anchorman in that great West Indian side of the early 80s.
3 July 2015
EXXO
One of the great ‘what ifs’ of English football is how good England would have been in 1966 if he’d been playing, presumably as captain. Haynes recalled that the plodsman who attended the accident on Blackpool prom after the previous world cup didn’t realise he was a footballer – the first £100 a week footballer so maybe the first one to have a sports car – and said “don’t worry son, you’ve only broken your legs”.
3 July 2015
peter mcornithologist
Anyone remember Arthur Haynes. Had a T.V Show for several years during the 50’s and 60’s. I recall the Rolling Stones being his star guests on one show.
3 July 2015
EXXO
I hadn’t heard of the manuals before this song, but I don’t get it, why don’t the manufacturers do the manuals, why does another company have to do them?
3 July 2015
JUST MARK
@Exxo I can’t believe you’ve never bought a Haynes manual! On second thoughts, after reading your comments on here I can believe it. Manufacturers don’t want their customers carrying out their own repairs, the dealerships are quite happy to change your oil and filter and wipe your dipstick for £100 a go.
4 July 2015
brumbiscuit
One very irritating thing is that when you tackle a task you need to refer back to other tasks in the book, sometimes several, before you can do what you want to do. E.g. if you believe the Haynes for my Punto, you need to remove the front bumper assembly to change the nearside front headlamp bulb.
Reinforcing Just Mark’s point, the windscreen wiper assembly on a Punto is made of cheese and fails frequently at the wiper arm linkage. Haynes will very nicely tell you how to fit a £120 wiper assembly. Common sense tells you this is ludicrous, so you find out that someone on eBay offers special clips that fix the assembly for £3 a side.
4 July 2015
Jeff Dreadnought
Gibby Haynes: visionary genius behind the Butthole Surfers. “Sweat Loaf”, the Black Sabbath-inspired opening track of the Locust Abortion Technician album, is well worth a listen – possibly an even funnier take on “The End” than “Footprints”.
4 July 2015
JUST MARK
@BRUMBISCUIT – I had a fun afternoon once working on a Punto. Apparently, for some engine errors you have to ‘communicate’ with the engine management system by pressing the accelerator pedal and revving the engine for a set number of seconds. There was inevitably some translation problems. I thought it was simply evil that someone had devised this ridiculous system when a Y/N on a screen would have worked.
4 July 2015
peter mcornithologist
@ Thank you Mr. Dreadnoght. Great stuff. I wrongly assumed that they were a kind of naughty Beach Boys.
5 July 2015
skyburstgandalf
Haynes longest running recurring joke: “Reassembly is a simple reversal of the disassembly procedure” Oh my aching ribs (and skinned knuckles )
6 July 2015
EXXO
@ Mark. How naive of me. So there isn’t just a CD that comes with the vehicle?
But then again i should know this, ‘cos after trying to fix a door lock on her van for ages, Mrs Exford yesterday found a mechanic, who for a tenner, hooked the van up to the VW computer and informed it (the van) that it (the van) had a side door. Apparently it (the van) had forgotten this. It now knows, and the central locking and unlocking all works fine again.
7 July 2015
Eugene C
So many Haynes’ to comment about. Now that’s what I call value for money!
7 July 2015
dickhead in quicksand
@Just Mark – I’ve had my dipstick wiped for a lot less than £100.
7 July 2015
Dr desperate
Never sure whether to repeat posts from song threads in the A to Z, but I suggested on the FG page that ‘Haynes’ here might be Toby, director of ‘Five Days’ (2010), which featured Suranne Jones as DC Laurie Franklin.
8 July 2015
dr desperate
In view of which, it would now be disingenuous of me to nominate John Haynes for a place in TNLINOST.
RIP though.
https://www.thebookseller.com/news/john-haynes-dies-aged-80-945466
12 February 2019
Chris The Siteowner
I’ve been wondering about this myself. I left the photo (of a Haynes manual) up because there was never really any compelling evidence that “the Haynes” wasn’t referring to a Haynes Manual, despite Dr D’s keenly-observed link (I’m sure Toby isn’t known as “The Haynes”, is he?). So in that case we should put John Of That Ilk into TNLINOST. What do folks think?
12 February 2019
EXXO
Every “The Haynes” since 1960 has been published by the Haynes Group, a publishing company, and not specifically written by Johnny Haynes. It’s “the definitive guide to maintaining this vehicle published by the company called Haynes”. Therefore, much as I love to see a new addition to the list, and above all for the only song to ever claim a victim before it was released, it does not qualify.
12 February 2019