“Hello, this is Joannie”
– Our Tune
So… what do we know about Hello This Is Joannie?
The A to Z of HMHB
Latest: Updated gig list for 2020 • Bristol gig reviews
The A to Z of HMHB
There are 14 Half Man Half Biscuit albums, plus two roundup compilations, as well as 4 EPs and a handful of one-off songs. No 'Greatest Hits'. Indulge yourself by starting here.
In which we chose the nation's favourite Half Man Half Biscuit song. For the next four years, anyway.
Search for any lyric, reference, song title ...whatever.
The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project website © 2007—2020 Chris Rand • All lyrics are the property of their owners
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peter mcornithologist
The remarkable Mr. Evans also wrote Roses are Red my love, Violets are Blue.
10 March 2015
this leaden paul
Wikipedia describes the song as ‘morbid’. I quite like a bit of death myself, stick to the facts.
10 March 2015
dickhead in quicksand
“Remarkable” is a remarkably apt adjective. If I’m not mistaken, la Rue des Remarques in Paris was renowned for its pissoirs.
11 March 2015
Dirk Hofman
Paul Evans as a songwriter in his early twenties wrote songs for Elvis and other unit shifters of the time. As a singer and instrumentalist he released albums of his own material. He released albums of British and American folk music, his version of ‘Midnight Special’ came out on an album of prison songs released in the early sixties. His latest album was released last year. His photographs have been used as album cover art (the Orb). He was studio engineer on a Blondie remix project in the nineties. His songs have been covered by Pat Boone,Jim Reeves and Frank Ifield. If not remarkable then surely very respectable..
11 March 2015
Chris The Siteowner
Is there a genre for this sort of stuff? TragedyPorn or something?
15 March 2017
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
They are sometimes known as “Splatter Platters” – see also songs like ‘Leader of the Pack’, ‘Tell Laura I Love Her’, or ‘Johnny Remember Me’.
15 March 2017
Paul f
As with many things, there was a great BBC4 documentary on splatter platters a while back.
15 March 2017
Brumbiscuit
Does ‘I’m Mandy, Fly Me’ qualify?
15 March 2017
hendrix-tattoo
Is “Seasons In The sun” and “Billy Don’t be a hero” Splatter Platters?
It is rumoured that Paper Lace wanted to cover this song but were refused.
https://youtu.be/Zo8DhbQw_O4
15 March 2017
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
@Hendrix-Tattoo
I would say that “Billy Don’t Be A Hero” probably is (not that my view is in any way authoritative).
However, I’ve no idea why “Seasons In The Sun” would be included. It’s a poor translation of Jacques Brel’s “Le Moribond” in which the dying man asks his best friend to ‘take care’ of his wife, making it abundantly clear to them both that he knows they’ve been having an affair for years. Although the English version manages to miss this blackly comic element, no-one is tragically killed in an accident- it’s just a maudlin song about someone dying and regretting things.
In contrast, “Tour Jacket with Detachable Sleeves” is of course a pretty representative sample of the genre.
15 March 2017
parsfan
I was just about to post a link to the same one HT, but a different version.
Shades of Excavating Rita.
15 March 2017
hendrix-tattoo
@Parsfan, I thought that also….
@Mr.Gok both songs are bloody awful aren’t they just?
16 March 2017
hendrix-tattoo
What’s the genre for animals dying in a tragic way in songs?
For e.g “Who Killed Bambi” and “My Dog Rover”
https://youtu.be/gzd8utz2tts
16 March 2017
Peter Mcornithologist
Anyone remember Terry ?Song by Twinkle .Biker boyfriend passed on. Oh how she complained.
16 March 2017
Brumbiscuit
‘Angelo’ was a Romeo & Juliet-esque tragedy by the equally tragic Brotherhood of Man.
16 March 2017
hendrix-tattoo
@Mr.Peter….
Don’t do it.
Don’t do it.
Don’t do it.
https://youtu.be/sADBdkcS7_w
16 March 2017
hendrix-tattoo
The first ‘Splatter Platter’ song was released in 1955.
Just a week before the death of a certain careless driver. A little rock and roll vocal group called The Cheers had released a single called “Black Denim Trousers and Motorcycle Boots”.
BDTaMB might have faded into pop music obscurity if it weren’t for the timing of its release. It climbed to number six on the U.S. charts.
https://youtu.be/BFrCptGk6O8
16 March 2017
hendrix-tattoo
@Mr.Brum your post reminded me of this…
https://youtu.be/hRDQmsfHpEI
16 March 2017
Theqwill10
I reckon “Greg! The Stop Sign!!” by TISM (I know a bloke mentioned them on the HMHB group on facebook the other day) might count as a “splatter platter”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwI2NrVYqIE
17 March 2017
Huddersfield’s very own… Steve malkmus
“Dead Man’s Curve” is an obvious one.
“The Size Of Our Love” by Sleater-Kinney (q.v.) is less obvious.
19 March 2017
dirk hofman
‘O my darling Clementine’ would be an early number that mined this vein ripe for parody .. Come back Jonee, Johnny don’t do it, Roller skate Kate, Death cab for Cutie ( Bonzos), Girlfriend in a coma ( Mojo Nixons version ), Bat out of hell .. and others, Warm Leatherette, Spellbound (ac/dc), The right profile ( Clash- more careless driving), I don’t like Mondays ( milk thief associate) Emma – Hot Choc, Life in the fast lane (?) th’eagles and much, much more ..
20 March 2017
gipton teenager
Ricky’s Hand by Fad Gadget contains the wonderful
Ricky contravened the Highway Code,
The hand lies severed at the side of the road
Sadly missed, Fad Gadget aka Frank Tovey
21 March 2017
dickhead in quicksand
@PMcO – you unutterable bastard for reminding me of Twinkle. “Terry” was a blatant and seriously horrible rewrite of “You Better Move On” – though I’d bet that whoever wrote “Terry” thought they were ripping off The Stones.
24 March 2017
Pirx the purist
We seem to have two entries for this (the other one spells Joannie with 2 n’s).
(You’re right. Good spot! All fixed now. – CtSO)
11 February 2019
dr desperate
Up to a point – I thought we’d agreed on ‘Joanie’ (see OT thread posts 36 + 37).
12 February 2019
Chris The Siteowner
Well yes, except the evidence for ‘Joanie’ seems to be your uncontested statement that “Interestingly, nobody spelt it Joannie”. Whereas this suggests otherwise.
12 February 2019
dr desperate
Fair enough; carry on.
12 February 2019
parsfan
Hello, this is Big Joanie
I saw them a couple of weeks before Christmas in Edinburgh and they were just superb.
Inspired by The Ronettes, Nirvana, Breeders and Jesus and Mary Chain, Big Joanie have described themselves as being “similar to The Ronettes filtered through ’80s DIY and Riot Grrrl with a sprinkling of dashikis”.
They’re playing Indie Tracks in a couple of months – brilliant line-up this year which will almost definitely end any chance of me seeing the lads in a cave.
6 May 2019