About The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project
“The most underrated lyricist in English I can think of. His lyrics should be on the national curriculum.”
– Elis James, broadcaster (2024)
Chris R, AKA here as “Chris The Siteowner” or “CtSO” writes…
This is not an official band website. There isn’t one, which is why fans have done it themselves. The site gives fans a place to chat, and as far as we know, the band are fine with what we do. Band members have even chipped in from time to time. But please don’t contact us asking to get in touch with them!
When we started this in 2007, it seemed to us that the only thing growing faster than the number of websites on the internet was the number of sites quoting Half Man Half Biscuit lyrics. At this rate, we predicted a Half Man Half Biscuit lyrical event horizon about 2032 where nothing else would ever be published. We may have been right.
The trouble is, like darts in soap operas, so many of the lyrics quoted are wrong. So we set out to rectify the situation, and not only build a complete set of lyrics, but actually get them right, powered by the comments and corrections of the band’s dedicated and pedantic fanbase. The original effort took just over three years, then we had a new album, and another, and… well, let’s hope the job is never finished.
Of course, these lyrics are the copyright of the songwriters, and if they or anyone else has any objections to this non-profit-making site, please contact us and we will remove the whole thing immediately.
So where should you begin? Right here:
A Beginner’s Guide to Half Man Half Biscuit
Half Man Half Biscuit have been steadily making music since the mid-eighties. Whether you’re new to the band, or catching up with them after many years, a cracking place to start is this 2011 article by Taylor Parkes on The Quietus. Go and have a read. We’ll still be here when you get back in a few minutes.
That should have given you a decent flavour of what the band is all about. But if you want more, watch this seven-minute video made as part of the “John Peel’s Record Collection” series, introduced by the great man’s wife Sheila:
On to the music!
- Here’s the complete catalogue on YouTube
- Here’s the complete catalogue on Apple Music
- …And here’s the complete catalogue on Spotify
With so many good songs to choose from, there’s no definitive place to start catching up with forty years of Half Man Half Biscuit. Perhaps the best place to start would be the fans’ favourite songs. The latest poll was in 2023. Here’s what happened.
…and here are the top 30 songs as voted for in the mass-voting round:
More Reading
For lots of complementary stuff to this site, check out Gez’s long-running ‘HMHB Home Page’, where you can also spend hours. And if you found the Taylor Parkes article above interesting, here are loads more from the likes of Kevin Sampson, Julie Burchill, Ben Myers, Peter Ross and Robert Bathurst.
“At HMHB gigs, they wear their hearts on their sleeves. And their oven gloves on their hands. But this loyalty isn’t only articulated through the redesign of kitchen-based protective wear, as a glimpse at the internet will reveal. One fansite consists of full transcriptions and in-depth analysis of every Blackwell lyric ever recorded. The site goes by the attractive strapline of ‘179 Pop Songs Picked Over By Pedants’. My kind of people.”
– Nige Tassell, “Mr Gig” (2013)
And what about this site?
As the name implies, The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project is focused on the lyrics to the songs, but in the process it’s also become the most active discussion site on the band. Work your way through our home page if you want to see everything we’ve got to offer. In particular, it’s worth investigating:
- The A to Z of Half Man Half Biscuit
- Your PBRs (Half Man Half Biscuit lyrics in the real world)
- HMHB in the Media
- Gig News and Reviews
Vulcan Studios, Liverpool, 1986
“Things will continue getting worse until the UK gets its act together and sends Half Man Half Biscuit to represent us at Eurovision.”
– Adam Roberts, novelist and professor of nineteenth-century literature at Royal Holloway, University of London (2025)
Finally… the fans
The fans seem to generate as much curiosity in the media as the band, although neither amounts to much, which may well be a good thing in the long run. The most recent major article was in The Guardian in April 2022. Enjoy!
“One of the greatest bands in the history of the world, certainly the finest four piece ever to come out of Merseyside, led by a lyrical genius. Every time I burn my fingers while cooking, get a cold call from a loft conversion company, negotiate Bridgwater, hope to negotiate Capel Curig without delay, have a chat with my mate Dean Friedman, hear a mention of Virginia Wade or contemplate the unbelievably snobbish, cliquish, fossilised response of the early music fraternity to my decision to combine it with punk, I think of them.”
– Attila The Stockbroker, performance poet (2022)
Oh… and buy the music!
You can buy Half Man Half Biscuit CDs and other merchandise at Seeds Records, “The new home of all things HALF MAN HALF BISCUIT & PROBE PLUS”. The 2025 album “All Asimov and No Fresh Air” should be available at all good independent record stores. The music is also available at all the normal download sources too.
You won’t go far wrong with the latest album or any of the preceding seven albums, The Voltarol Years, …Creative Hub…, Urge For Offal, 90 Bisodol (Crimond), CSI: Ambleside, Achtung Bono and Cammell Laird Social Club.
And if you do buy the records, you’re in a small but select group of wonderful people. Here are the high points of Half Man Half Biscuit’s 35-year UK album chart career:
Welcome to the world of the band of which the great John Peel once said:
“In a decently ordered society members of Half Man Half Biscuit would be routinely carried shoulder high through the streets of every city they visited.”
– John Peel, broadcaster (1997)
Contacting the Band
This is an unofficial website – please don’t contact us asking for introductions, etc. Gigs are handled by The Gig Cartel: Details here. Distribution is through the Proper Music Group. Details here.
Keep in touch
If you’d like to be added to our mailing list for major announcements (and they’re very rare, maybe once or twice a year), then stick your details here.
Some notes on the site
The site was created and this page originally written in September 2007 by Chris Rand (email me). I’m not one of the real uber-fans – all I have is a love for the band and a limited ability in website design. I do have a friend with a son called Archie, and another with a son called Fred. I have been caught wearing a footy shirt over a jumper. I’ve bought soup in cartons. I know who PFM are. And I have lived quite near Chatteris. Which is nice.
Feel free to link here from your own websites. Thank you to the likes of The Guardian, The Irish Times, The Quietus and the late Word Magazine for doing so. And all the social media mentions you can manage will help spread the word.
We have an old account on Twitter at @hmhb_lyrics but we don’t go near that place any more. You can follow Chris The Siteowner on Bluesky at @chrisrand.com and there’s a feed of HMHB mentions on Bluesky here. I’d recommend that.
You can see some data on the website activity here, including our milestone dates, annual visitor totals, and days when we had over 1000 visits.
“Look at this. People travelling hundreds of miles, even from neighbouring islands, to see the mighty Half Man Half Biscuit. They’re the Wirral’s Harry Styles, the Mersey’s Taylor Swift.”
– Danny Kelly, broadcaster and journalist (2024)