The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project

Upon Westminster Bridge

Same old Hampstead
Ken Hom Wok Set
Dead Sea bath salts
Jog-proof iPod
Iron Age hill fort
Long term roadworks
High tide bird watch
Big queue Homebase

If Jesus came to Earth today
They’d crucify him straight away
Upon a cross of MDF
And they’d use No Need For Nails

Ship-shape farmhouse
Dry stone wall chart
Cash-back foot spa
Straight down Ladbrokes
Low cost school trip
Ramraid Oxfam
“Christ that sun’s hot”
Yes that’s right sir

Oh help me Mrs Medlicott
I don’t know what to do
I’ve only got three bullets
And there’s four of Motley Crue

Spoiling Good Friday my ex-love sent to me
Twelve drummers singing
Eleven chairmen dancing
Ten mascots whingeing
Nine stewards flapping
Eight christening invites
Seven cows a-barking
Six vicars strumming
Nick fucking Knowles
Four boring words
Carphone Warehouse and Matalan
And a pulled up at Bangor-on-Dee

I’m driving backwards at peak hour
Along the Edgware Road