Upon Westminster Bridge

Same old Hampstead
Ken Hom Wok Set
Dead Sea bath salts
Jog-proof iPod
Iron Age hill fort
Long term roadworks
High tide bird watch
Big queue Homebase

If Jesus came to Earth today
They’d crucify him straight away
Upon a cross of MDF
And they’d use No Need For Nails

Ship-shape farmhouse
Dry stone wall chart
Cash-back foot spa
Straight down Ladbrokes
Low cost school trip
Ramraid Oxfam
“Christ that sun’s hot”
Yes that’s right sir

Oh help me Mrs Medlicott
I don’t know what to do
I’ve only got three bullets
And there’s four of Motley Crue

Spoiling Good Friday my ex-love sent to me
Twelve drummers singing
Eleven chairmen dancing
Ten mascots whingeing
Nine stewards flapping
Eight christening invites
Seven cows a-barking
Six vicars strumming
Nick fucking Knowles
Four boring words
Carphone Warehouse and Matalan
And a pulled up at Bangor-on-Dee

I’m driving backwards at peak hour
Along the Edgware Road


Please do let me know if you see any live performance videos for this song on YouTube which haven't been listed below. Thanks!

Self-confessedly daft video. (02:46)

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