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  1. Alan on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    Iguana andy: i still have the ticket

    17 June 2024

  2. Iguana Andy on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    ALAN – (Apologies, not been paying attention) – do you still have a spare Sheffield ticket?

    17 June 2024

  3. Liam on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    I have two tickets for Holmfirth going (£50 for the pair) if anyone wants them. They’re paper, so can send em first class today.

    Text me 07710441105
    or email

    17 June 2024

  4. D list paul ross on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    Bit early but strong recommendation for the Laurel and Hardy Museum for those in Ulverston early or staying over nearby. Also strong recommendation for singing Ulverston, oh Ulverston, to the tune of…you can guess the rest.

    17 June 2024

  5. warden Hodges on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    Still got my cancelled pre-Covid Ulverston from 2020. A collectors item now.

    17 June 2024

  6. parsfan on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    Brilliant! Ticket bought.

    Now, I wonder where it is. Hopefully easier to get to than Cardiff, I gave up on there yesterday. Too early for trains and looks like no direct flights now.

    17 June 2024

  7. Huddersfield's Very Own Steve Malkmus on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    Still interested in a second (or third) ticket for Holmfirth if anyone ends up with a spare, by the way…

    17 June 2024

  8. Mr spokesman on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    Ulverston gig 16th May 2025

    17 June 2024

  9. EXXO on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    OK, that’s great, with thanks to Chris for his efforts in facilitating communications. If that’s OK with Neville it’s one of his tickets for Huddersfield’s VOS Malkmus and three for my Bradford One in Twelve Club cricketers. I’ll be in Holmfirth from 3pm and will arrange to meet Neville there.

    14 June 2024

  10. Huddersfield's Very Own Steve Malkmus on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    I haven’t got sorted yet, so I’ll happily take Neville’s spare from you Exxo. AIUI CtSO is able to facilitate direct communication between users…

    14 June 2024

  11. EXXO on The HMHB Friday Quiz (Part 2)Go »

    Your predictions form for Holmfirth is herewith linked, a day later than my unreliable promise. Apologies to George (Ferencvaros Fan) who said he was away travelling from today. Really hope you get a chance to complete your entry mate.

    Question 8 is the cup of course.

    Semi Finals:
    Lord Hereford v. Mister Tubbs
    Mr. Spokesman v Ferencvaros Fan

    Please enter two numbers, clearly spaced apart , which will be taken as your semi final and final predictions, in that order of course (or you can write ‘Semi X, Final Y’)

    14 June 2024

  12. EXXO on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    Sorry to hear that Neville but yes I will take 3 of them them for 3 of my mates and will send a quick Whatsapp around my erstwhile crew to see if anyone needs the 4th. At this stage I can’t be polite and wait to see if Huddersfield’s VOS Malkmus is sorted yet (and I see above that other possibilities have also emerged, so hope he is).

    14 June 2024

  13. Cyril on Seeing Nashville was pie in the skyGo »

    the schooner pub was where rockers met in the west of Rhyl, maybe a tribute singer playing the old tunes gone and forgotten, with a fistful of downers on new years eve?

    14 June 2024

  14. Neville Bourke on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    Due to various calamities I have 4 spare tickets for Holmfirth. Good homes sought (at face value, obviously). Traveling from Ireland so can meet outside venue or in local hostelry beforehand.

    13 June 2024

  15. Sylvian's Whippet on Your (latest) PBRs…Go »

    Another double Biscuit reference on today’s Popmaster. A Mary Hopkin question in round 1 (the contestant got it right, but I wasn’t concentrating so couldn’t tell if he added to her despair), followed by one about Blackfoot Sue in round 2, which I wouldn’t have got without IWMG.

    13 June 2024

  16. The tutor with the beard and the polio on The burly physio of non-league Farnborough TownGo »

    Just got Blackfoot Sue on pop master! And due to the fact that I know nothing about music, my workmates were doubly surprised when I screamed the answer.

    13 June 2024

  17. Lord leominster on Robin AskwithGo »

    Having just watched the ultimate episode of Inside No. 9, I am of the opinion that Robin Askwith *is* funny. (He twice displayed bare faced cheek, or is that bare cheeked face?)

    13 June 2024

  18. dr DEsperate on LadbrokesGo »

    Straight down to Job Club now.

    13 June 2024

  19. Old tige on It might sound bogus – but it’s officialGo »

    “Belated” I meant to say.

    13 June 2024

  20. Transit full of Keith on LadbrokesGo »

    Aide to Sunak, straight down Ladbrokes.

    12 June 2024

  21. Cream CHEESE AND chives on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    This’ll be a first. A night in the camper after the show instead of a Premier Inn.

    12 June 2024

  22. Cyril on As Beltane neared, he affected a beardGo »

    wasn’t Sabbaths paranoid album meant to be called WALPURGIS, war pigs. So a beard would be effected for this about the same time as the celtic festival of beletine

    12 June 2024

  23. paul f on My heart is like a hand grenadeGo »

    According to the Grauniad headline today, “Andy Murray may swerve Paris Olympics…”

    12 June 2024

  24. dr DEsperate on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    Another face-value seller on FB: a David Bradley has 2 Holmfirth tickets you can collect in Manchester or he’ll post.

    12 June 2024

  25. The tutor with the beard and the polio on She’s on the Isle of ThanetGo »

    That’s mad that. I was listening to ACD for the first time yesterday on Spotify and it struck me that ‘Rod Hull is alive, why?’ Sounded like ‘Ernie’.

    11 June 2024

  26. dr DEsperate on She’s on the Isle of ThanetGo »

    I see Gez’s site compares SiB to Squeeze’s ‘Slap and Tickle’, pretty much a prequel to ‘Up The Junction’ (which does mention Clapham).
    Difford has form in borrowing song structures, admitting in his autobiography that he wrote ‘Cool for Cats’ after listening to ‘Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West)’ by Benny Hill (q v).

    11 June 2024

  27. Floreat ultonia on New Half Man Half Biscuit Album in 2018Go »

    Thanks SW

    11 June 2024

  28. The tutor with the beard and the polio on She’s on the Isle of ThanetGo »

    And re-reading the lyrics I’ve spotted the ‘Apparently’ which would corroborate with him not actually being in their proximity. I’d assumed he’d seen them kissing.

    11 June 2024

  29. The tutor with the beard and the polio on She’s on the Isle of ThanetGo »

    Thank you Dr Desperate. I got the feeling he was using the A-Z to track her down. The other HMHB lyric site mentioned it might possibly be a Difford and Telbrook reference due to their penchant for dropping London place names into songs?

    But, as I said I haven’t heard any of their stuff.

    11 June 2024

  30. dr DEsperate on She’s on the Isle of ThanetGo »

    I don’t think there’s any suggestion that he’s seen her and Acidic Reg kissing yet – he’s only just discovered her whereabouts, and spent most of that day talking to her siblings, in a river and unconscious on a trolley. In which case, “I couldn’t stand…” would suggest “…it if I saw them kissing”, and his remarks about folly and damage would seem to be addressed to the hospital staff who’ve brought him round.
    He’s definitely intending to track down his ex-girlfriend now, presumably with the aid of an A-Z of Great Britain (which must be quite damp by now).

    It’s been pointed out that the song has similarities to Squeeze’s ‘Up The Junction’, but in structure rather than content, and I can’t think of any Difford & Tilbrook song that mentions an A to Z. Jools (Holland, quod vide in ‘Moody Chops’) on the other hand, had a 1992 solo album called ‘The A-Z Geographers’ Guide to the Piano’, with 15 tracks titled after areas of London and a cover showing him sitting on the letters of the A-Z logo.

    11 June 2024

  31. The tutor with the beard and the polio on She’s on the Isle of ThanetGo »

    Okay. I’m lost. (Without an inside pocket) I’ve never listened to any Difford and Tilbrook and I don’t know what Jools (q v) means. I don’t mind researching further. Just hoping I’m not going to be blindly trying to find an obscure piece of information I’ve little chance of finding.

    I want Jools to be Jools Holland, but feel like I’m barking up the wrong tree from the off.

    10 June 2024

  32. dr DEsperate on She’s on the Isle of ThanetGo »

    Difford & Tilbrook, you say? Or Jools (q v)?

    10 June 2024

  33. dr DEsperate on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    Mandy Smith on the HMHB and Related Nonsense Facebook page has a Holmfirth ticket for sale (or you could just take a screenshot and print it out).

    10 June 2024

  34. The tutor with the beard and the polio on She’s on the Isle of ThanetGo »

    I do feel like there’s an actual story here with a beginning, middle and end and 8 desperately want to add meaning to the A-Z. And I feel like there’s a slightly sinister, recalcitrant purpose to it.

    10 June 2024

  35. The tutor with the beard and the polio on She’s on the Isle of ThanetGo »

    This is another song I’d like to see/do in a comic format. But that last line (beautiful as it is) bugs me. Is it just possibly a reference to Difford & Tilbrook or does it have meaning for the protagonist? If so, what are his intentions?

    I feel like he can’t let her go and will stalk her to the ends of the earth despite ‘realising the folly’ and telling her ‘there isn’t any damage’.

    But why the need for the A-Z if he’s been in close enough proximity to her to see her and her lover kissing.

    If he has given up, why the need for the A-Z in that instance?

    Any ideas?

    10 June 2024

  36. The bastard son of dean friEDMAN on Thirty seconds into the first song…Go »

    One of many favourite lines…

    “There is nothing better in life than writing on the sole of your slipper with a biro”

    from someone who used to do the very same thing as a kid (pirelli soles obviously)

    10 June 2024

  37. Sylvian's Whippet on New Half Man Half Biscuit Album in 2018Go »

    If you’re happy with 320kbps mp3s, 7digital sells their albums for £7.49 (50p cheaper than Amazon):

    10 June 2024

  38. The tutor with the beard and the polio on Does your bus go by the Dark Satanic Mills?Go »

    Ah, brilliant! Yes, that was it. Thank you, Parsfan.

    10 June 2024

  39. parsfan on Does your bus go by the Dark Satanic Mills?Go »

    Sounds like you’re probably taking about Gez’s site:

    10 June 2024

  40. Tony & jo on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    Keep looking on Ents as the odd one has popped up from time to time.

    You could also set a Twickets alert too as they may appear there as well.

    Good luck to you

    10 June 2024

  41. The tutor with the beard and the polio on Does your bus go by the Dark Satanic Mills?Go »

    Not really sure where to ask this but this song has a relevant lyric so it might as well be here. Does anyone remember another site regarding HMHB lyrics which explained references. I used to use it quite a lot but can’t seem to find it these days. I distinctly remember it saying (in regards to ‘I’ve been sent to gut hummingbirds’) ‘believe it or not there has been a lot if this done in trying to decipher how a hummingbird’s metabolism works’.

    I got the feeling the site was by HMHB themselves because the only thing it really said about ‘The Coroner’s footnote’ was ‘We seem to have upset a few people with this one.’

    So yeah, just wondered if anyone still uses that or if it’s knocking about as I can’t seem to find it.

    10 June 2024

  42. Floreat ultonia on New Half Man Half Biscuit Album in 2018Go »

    I have accidentally deleted the album. Please advise where to buy download. Thanks aFU

    10 June 2024

  43. Sylvian's Whippet on Gordon GiltrapGo »

    TLP is my in-car CD at the moment and I keep singing “Gordon Gilstrap”. See also Mary Hopkin.

    10 June 2024

  44. Huddersfield's Very Own Steve Malkmus on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    Yes, still after a ticket or two for Holmfirth if anyone has one going.
    @Alan (#184) I’ll possibly give a home to your spare for Sheffield if nothing turns up for Holmfirth.

    10 June 2024

  45. Tony & jo on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    We’ve managed to get tickets on Ents as well

    It looks like the queue is now only

    Huddersfield’s VO S Malmus from 7th September 23
    Not) Rock city Notts 19th October 23 (1 or 2)

    Ents seems to be the place where they pop up from time to time

    Good luck all who are searching

    8 June 2024

  46. Gareth Davies on Pre-Gig Chat (2024 gigs)Go »

    Managed to get a ticket to Holmfirth from Ents24 site, so sorted ta.

    8 June 2024

  47. dr DEsperate on A Market Town That Lacks QuintessenceGo »

    Yes and, thankfully, no.

    8 June 2024

  48. The ombudsman on A room full of drama teachers listening to BjorkGo »

    @Ftvps that is gold … back in the day my late dad was a milkman so did get up at a very early early hour … then he would sleep all afternoon on couch… he basically did generally imply that a medal was in order

    8 June 2024

  49. The tutor with the beard and the polio on You were in the Coach and HorsesGo »

    Art Man Art Biscuit is me by the way. I cringe at the name and I’m glad I decided upon Tutor. Still haven’t drawn any HMHB songs into a comic as ai have little follow-thr

    8 June 2024

  50. The tutor with the beard and the polio on A Market Town That Lacks QuintessenceGo »

    @Dr Desperate You were taught to sing ‘While you’ve a Lucifer to light your way’, instead of ‘Fag’?

    The lack of a rhyme would have really rankled me but I don’t think I would have happened upon ‘fag’ on my own. If this was an effort to deter children from smoking, did you ever become a smoker?

    I am unfortunately a smoker and maybe PUYTIYOKB is to blame, along with smoking siblings and an inability to stand up to peer pressure.

    8 June 2024