The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project

Arthur’s Farm

Arthur Askey and Dougie-Wougie Bader went down to the Animal Farm
Dougie bored a boar with his stories from the war
And explained about the boil on his palm
Napoleon very pink offered both of them a drink
And a drink and a drink and a drink
Come the hour of four they were legless to be sure
And not one of them had even had a wink of sleep
And everybody sang as loud as they could:
“Two legs bad but four legs good”
This made the boys feel pretty oppressed

Came the new realm, it was A.A. at the helm
While Dougers played ‘Luftwaffe’ on the roofs
After amputating limbs all the others wrote new hymns
And a signpost read ‘Second-hand hooves’
Years passed by, double grazing in the sty
It was good, but it was total apathy
Everybody arsed around and that ‘Beasts of England’ sound
Had been ruined by a busy busy bee

And chants were heard from the East to the West
“Four legs good but no legs best”
Invalidity reigned supreme

And chants were heard from the East to the West
“Four legs good but no legs best”
One-time visitors were now the regime