The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project

D’Ye Ken Ted Moult?

Our Ted, it has to be said
Produces proof beyond us
Rain, shine or gale force nine
His frames remain intact
Helicopters in my garden
Bringing wind (I beg your pardon)
Double glazing is amazing
Don’t you all agree?

No fears, they’ll last you for years
Our statistics prove it
And you’ll pose when all the street knows
It’s you who sets the pace
On the cold and frosty mornings
Scoff and howl at Yuletide warnings
Insulation for the nation
That’s the one for me

No draughts ‘cos that’d be daft
A feather acknowledges Newton
And a ball and chain let loose on the pane
Can only smash your nerves
In the hibernating season
Fit the best, it stands to reason
No complaining where it’s raining
Thanks to Mr Moult, wahey!