Right, by popular demand, a chance for you lot to start making loads of lists. Beware of the fans who type out their lists and all that.
I’ve given individual pages to certain lists:
Those No Longer In Need Of Season Tickets
Here’s the list of “curse of HMHB” victims in order of how long they outlived being mentioned on the records, maintained by Charles Exford.
The Murder Ballads
Exford again: “More murders per album than Nick Cave, more suicide than Morrissey, and more general mayhem than in the Best of Johnny Cash, but most people still just seem to quote the jokes.”
This sounds like a class rant
The politics of Half Man Half Biscuit, examined by Third Rate Les In His Burberry Fez
But before that, the lists that got the ball rolling…
Emerging From Gorse
Been working on my own utterly pointless, time-consuming Biscuit project*, and in the absence of anywhere suitable to post it, this seems as good a place as any.
Listed below is what I consider to be the definitive index (though I will undoubtedly be proved wrong!) of groups/musicians/singers/one-hit wonders namechecked by HMHB on record (excluding Peel session versions).
Included are artists not mentioned by their full name but to whom the reference is obvious (e.g. Einsturzende Neubauten, Paul Weller, Velvet Underground), as well as a few who made a splash in the hit parade despite not being renowned for their musical mastery (Benny Hill, Keith Harris, Robson Green & Keith Allen [part of Fat Les]).
I await the countless corrections/omissions…..
After The Fire
Akkerman, Jan
Alessi
Allen, Keith
Alquin
Armstrong, Louis
Ball, Michael
Barlow, Lou
Bauhaus
Belle Epoque
Blackfoot Sue
Bonnie Prince Billy
Bono
Boone, Pat
Bootleg Beatles
Bream, Julian
Broudie, Ian
Buckley, Jeff
Bunyan, Vashti
Burgh, Chris de
Can
Captain Beefheart
Cassidy, Eva
Chapterhouse
Chas ‘n’ Dave
Cheap Trick
Cher
Clan of Xymox
Climie Fisher
Cocteau Twins
Cohen, Leonard
Coltrane, John
Corrs, The
Cradle of Filth
Crispy Ambulance
CSNY
Cutler, Adge
Dando, Evan
Davis, Miles
Deacon Blue
Del Amitri
Dif Juz
Dogs d’Amour
Dominique, Lisa
Drake, Nick
Dundas, David
Echo & The Bunnymen
Edge, The
Einsturzende Neubauten
ELO
ELP
Eno, Brian
Enya
Faithful, Marianne
Fall, The
Fenton, Shane
Flintlock
Focus
Frampton, Peter
Frazier Chorus
Friedman, Dean
Fripp, Robert
Giltrap, Gordon
Goodman, Benny
Goombay Dance Band
Green, Robson
Hall & Oates
Hammond, Albert
Harris, Keith
Hayward, Justin
Hill, Benny
Holland, Jools
Hopkin, Mary
Houston, Whitney
Hudson Ford
Husker Du
Hynde, Chrissie
Iglesias, Julio
Iommi, Tony
Journey
Joy Division
Kiss
Kitt, Eartha
Korn
Kramer, Wayne
Krokus
Labradford
Leadbelly
Leandros, Vicky
Lee, Arthur
Lennox, Annie
Leskanich, Katrina
Love
Malkmus, Steve
Malmsteen, Yngwie
Mamas & The Papas
Manic Street Preachers
May, Brian
MC5
Meatloaf
Medicine Head
Millican & Nesbitt
Mogul Thrash
Monopoly, Tony
Moore, Thurston
Morrissey
Motley Crue
Nail, Jimmy
Nazareth
Nicks, Stevie
Numan, Gary
O’Dowd, George
Ono, Yoko
Palace Brothers, The
Peters, Mike
PFM
Placebo
Prag Vec
Reeves, Jim
REO Speedwagon
Rollins, Henry
Runrig
Rush
Sad Café
Sade
Sarstedt Peter
Scaggs, Boz
Sebadoh
Shady, Slim
Shakur, Tupac
Shankar, Ravi
Shend, The
Simply Red
Singh, Talvin
Sinitta
Sleater-Kinney
Slipknot
Smith, Patti
Sparks
Steely Dan
Stewart, Dave
Stills, Stephen
Sting
Stone, Sly
Straker, Nick
Strawbs
Stryper
Styx
Sun Ra
Sylvian, David
10,000 Maniacs
Tallulah Gosh
Throwing Muses
Tindersticks
T’pau
Tzuke, Judy
Vandross, Luther
Vega, Suzanne
Velvet Underground
Vow Wow
Waters, Muddy
Weller, Paul
Wheatstraw, Peetie
*Oh, and in no way whatsoever was I implying that the Lyrics project was utterly pointless! Clearly it is one of the finest sites and most admirable projects on the interweb thingy!
9 April 2010
Charles Exford
Wow, brilliant, what a fabulous waste of time (just when I was telling myself it’s time to get some work done this afternoon)….
It’s a pity you’re only putting them in if they’re actually name-checked, though, as for example Steve Howe is referred to in 2 separate songs, even though his name isn’t actually mentioned of course.
Gabriel (sponsoring the Moshpits) does fit your rule, though. As do “Doors, Floyd, etc”
And I notice (by the omission of Don Mclean the singer) that you’re in the Don Maclean the TV presenter camp. Reasonable, I suppose.
Then again there’s ‘classical’ musicians. Thomas Tallis, John Dowland. They could still have a hit if we all decided to download Dowland in protest at the closure of Radio 3 or something (I mean, Julian Bream’s classical, innit ?)
Hmm. Somebody should do the same for footy references (there was that long article, but it was by no means exhaustive), and who knows, it might have to be me. I’m leaving literature well alone, though. I’d only show me ignorance.
9 April 2010
Emerging From Gorse
I knew it was only a matter of time before someone pointed out some glaring omissions, but within about half an hour of posting?!
How did I miss The Doors and Pink Floyd? Not as if the track in question is an oldie or a rarity. Poor show on my part.
9 April 2010
Peter Gandy
Made a list of footballers, although that by no means meets Exxo’s challenge for ‘footy’ (but not surreal, bizarre, sad git, yes indeedy, completely and utterly,anorak and respect) references. Probably missed a few obvious ones.
Arconada, Luis
Bats, Joel
Bell, Joseph Antoine
Boyce, Ronnie
Charlton, Bobby
Crooks, Garth
Farm, George
Friedel, Brad
Gascoigne, Paul
Grummitt, Peter
Mortenson, Stanley
Pele
Pfaff, Jean Marie
Puskas, Ferenc
Rossi, Paolo
Schmeichel, Peter (spurious but I always picture him when I listen to Letters Sent)
Stiles, Nobby
Svarc, Bobby
Van Hanegem, Wim
Wilson, Bob
Yashin, Lev
Zico
Zoff, Dino
Zola, Gianfranco
Zondervan, Romeo
Zubizaretta, Andoni
Can anyone hear who is being referred to in the conversation at the end of 1966 and all that? – ex POW with a crew cut who lives in St Helens.
The Guardian journalist who wrote the report on the Czech victory in the semis of Euro ’96 suggested, after quoting Architecture and Morality, Ted and Alice, that Nigel write a song about Karol Poborsky. That’s an idea that has passed its time.
9 April 2010
John Anderson
I’ve sometimes wondered about how many sport or sporting references there are in the songs. Whether I will ever actually sit down and work it out is extremely debatable, but it’s probably the most obvious next list.
9 April 2010
Charles Exford
Nah if you’re spuriously putting in Schmeichel, I’m not going to tell you that Bert Trautmann’s the name you were looking for.
I also seem to remember that Stanley Matthews is referred to (he’s indisputably the “Tangerine Wizard”, whatever Gez’s notes say). I can’t find “1966 and All That” right now.
Please do put Stanley Matthews in, because then you’ve got two old Tangerine comrades to whom Mrs.Exford owes her very existence. Her mum & dad would never have met if her grandad hadn’t moved to Blackpool in 1967. Grandad Len was working for Stanley Matthews at Port Vale, who then helped Len get a job under Stanley Mortensen at Blackpool, and the rest as they say, is history.
9 April 2010
Norbert D
“…Karol Poborsky. That’s an idea that has passed its time.”
Nah, I’d say it’s about time right now. Either him or Hakan Mild.
9 April 2010
TWO FAT FEET
EFG, you could possibly include Sally James, late of The Four Bucketeers?
9 April 2010
Charles Exford
Do you realise that even if we take out Schmeichel and Farm and put in Matthews and Trautmann, that list is still about 43% goalkeepers ?
9 April 2010
Peter Gandy
@Charles – couldn’t think of any other POWs but didn’t hear Trautmann’s name.
@Norbert – Hakan Mild would be good. From the Czech 96 team I’d go for Koller. If live intros were included, there’s always Jaap Stam – as in “they call me Jaap Stam, that’s not my name”
9 April 2010
TWO FAT FEET
Could any of those be (The Reason Why) Paradise Lost?
Which leads me to notice that Barry Venison’s missing from the list.
9 April 2010
Third Rate Les In His Burberry Fez
I hadn’t been sure quite where to post this! The HMHB Calendar:
Specific dates/events:
1. Hogmanay (drunk on Ferris wheel)
2. Epiphany (January the Sixth)
3. 27th June (Sword dance)
4. A Friday in July (from Epiphany)
5. Fourth of August (had a dream)
6. Early September (week in the lakes)
7. Shite Day (my birthday)
8. October 3rd 1995 (Fisher’s gig)
9. Christmas (busking, “Roll The Square Arthur”, make a noise with your toys, receive whistle and an evening with a supporter’s wife)
10. Boxing Day (inform supporter of aforementioned Christmas present)
11. New Year’s Eve (have a row)
Regular events:
1. Australia Day (every day)
2. Every Saturday (the Chigley Skins)
3. Monday (am: field paths; pm: meet up with CORGI-registered friends; night: archery)
4. Midweek (trapped in porch)
5. Thursday evening (go to quiz night with rubber bands)
6. Friday afternoon (Thelwall)
7. Every 2 weeks (pick up giro)
8. Weekend (vintage car show)
9. June (Coach trip)
10. December (Kitzbuehel)
Movable feasts:
1. Pancake Day
2. Lent (gave up hope)
3. Ash Wednesday (tantric stuff, elbow licking attempt)
4. Good Friday (spoilt by unwanted gifts)
5. Whit Week (malarkey)
Unknown dates:
1. Tuesday (Thursday)
2. Friday (mind went that-away)
3. Sunday (3:50) – warehouse visit & dinner with David Emmanuel
Events:
1. Sports Personality of the Year
2. Ideal Home Show
3. Lord of the Darnce (week after the previous)
4. Paris Fashion Week
5. Wimbledon
6. WOMAD
7. Ryder Cup
8. V
9. The Summer Eights
9 April 2010
Peter Gandy
Hadn’t worked out the percentage, but I did notice the big goalkeeping representation. No need to take out George Farm. The conversation goes: “What about George Farm?” “Of Blackpool?” “Yeah he was great. The cat.”
9 April 2010
two FAT FEET
Whither Alan Brazil?
Every little helps.
9 April 2010
Charles Exford
Of course. If I had a quid for the number of times I’ve acquired and lost Back in the DHSS I’d have enough to pay full price for it for the first time ever.
9 April 2010
Emerging From Gorse
Super Mario Kempes.
9 April 2010
Emerging From Gorse
Still fuming at myself for missing Pink Floyd & The Doors, but will take a break from beating myself up just long enough to point out that legendary man-with-a-mullet Barry Venison is missing from the list of footballers.
9 April 2010
Peter Gandy
Was Julio Iglesias on Real Madrid’s books, and was he a goalkeeper? The Pope at the time of Vatican Broadside certainly was.
9 April 2010
Jeff Dreadnought
I’d add the legendary McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt of Barnstoneworth United to the list of footballers.
And 22/23 January (anniversary of Battle of Rorke’s Drift) to the calendar.
9 April 2010
TWO FAT FEET
There are things that lurk in dark corners of my mind that tend to come out when walking the dog, such as how many characters from Blakes 7 get mentioned in HMHB songs, even if only by name and not direct reference? Travis and Avon are obvious, trying to think if there’s a Tarrant or Villa anywhere …
Servalan might be a long shot.
9 April 2010
Charles Exford
Huge ‘chapeaux’ to Emerging FG & Peter G for their lists, but Les, that is a true “maillon jaune” post !!
May I topically suggest adding “The National” to your annual events list, and arguably “May morning, hanging round the trapdoor”, as that is an annual occurrence for many ? And may I suggest this order, though as you can see I’ve had too much medal-winning claret to be arsed with the cutting & pasting:
10. Sports Personality of the Year (early December)
3. Ideal Home Show (April)
4. Lord of the Darnce (week after the previous)
1. Paris Fashion Week (surely it must refer to the one in early March because of the busy trellising which would be too late in another season ?)
6. Wimbledon (early July)
7. WOMAD (late July)
9. Ryder Cup (September)
8. V (August)
5. The Summer Eights (in May)
4(a) May morning hanging round a trapdoor (if you want to include it).
9 April 2010
Charles Exford
Errm, and
2. The National
hic
9 April 2010
Third Rate Les
I actually had May morning in my list – I think my medal-winning Claret claimed that one. Wasn’t sure if it was a May morning, or May Morning (as in choirs singing on Magdalen Bridge kinda thing).
It’s interesting because there are some albums with no mentions at all of dates, while the three most recent ones have dozens of them. Not that I’m trying to make this out as some kind of literary analysis, mind you.
Anyway, this was “Jeff Dreadnought”‘s idea; I just wrote it up. Who the hell does he think he is, I wonder?
9 April 2010
Jeff Dreadnought
Cheers, Les. Meanwhile, I’ve been wasting my time on my “HMHB product placement” project – a list of brands, products and retail chains featured in HMHB songs:
Ann Summers (exotic sexy lingerie)
Apple iPod (jog-proof MP3 players)
Apple Mac (computers often found in car parks)
Argos (retailer)
Arctic Roll (dessert from Bird’s Eye)
Armani (designer clothing)
B & Q (DIY and home improvement tools and supplies)
Belstaff (motorcycle jackets and stuff)
Berghaus (clothing, footwear and backpacks)
Bonneville (classic motorcycles)
Boots (chemist)
Burberry (apparel, accessories and Fez hats)
C & A (clothing)
Cadbury’s Flake (chocolate bar used to promote oral sex)
Campagnolo (bicycle parts)
Care Bears (set of characters created by American Greetings)
Carphone Warehouse (mobile phone handsets)
Dial-a-Pizza
Doctor Martin’s Boots (as worn by skinny indie kids)
Fiorucci (Italian fashion label)
Fry’s Chocolate Cream
Fry’s Turkish Delight
Garnier (beauty products)
Halex Three-Star table tennis balls
Harry Quinn (bicycles)
Homebase (DIY and home improvement tools and supplies)
Katharine Hamnett (80’s fashion icon)
Ken Hom (wok sets)
Krona (margarine)
King Edward (cigars)
Ladbrokes (bookmakers)
Lenor fabric conditioner
Lowe Alpine (skiing equipment as seen in Kitzbuehel)
Marks and Spencers (la la la Lech Walesas)
Marmite (nutritious savoury spread containing B vitamins)
Matalan (clothing)
More O’Ferrall (billboards)
Morphy Richards toasters (they pop up with the goods)
Nestle’s Kit-Kat
Original Breton Shirts
Plymouth (automobiles)
Poundland (budget retail chain)
Primark (budget clothing store)
Pringles (crisps)
Ray Ban (eyewear)
Scalextric (slot car racing)
Sellotape (leading brand of clear, pressure-sensitive tape)
Stratocaster (“Strat” – electric guitar designed by Leo Fender)
Sturmey-Archey (bicycle parts)
Subbuteo (table football)
Sudafed (decongestants)
Tesco (supermarket with aisles)
Valium (original brand name of diazepam)
Whiskas (cat food)
William Hill’s (bookmakers)
9 April 2010
s.g.d A Shropshire Lad
Shake n Vac?
10 April 2010
Charles Exford
Loving your work, JD.
Off the top of me head: Canderel, Stannah, Millets, Chatto & Windus, IBM, Word Perfect Software, (Ford) Transit van, (Tote) Placepot, Sainsbury’s security, NTL,
What about channels ? ITV, IRN … and then of course record labels are brands & there’s loads of them featured… and Buena Vista Social Club is practically a franchise.
And are publications like NME, Horse and Hounds, Erotic Review brands ? No, I suppose that’s another list.
Is Bath Spa water a brand ? Mrs Gibson’s Jam ? Does each list need a sub-section for fictional items, e.g. fictional bands on the bands list, fictional bRands on the bRands list, and fictional bLands on the ‘sporting venues’ list ? Or should each list be a Venn Diagram with a zone of uncertainty between reality, unreality and surreality ?
10 April 2010
Charles Exford
Talking of JD, it’s time for an Apostro-fest with Jack Daniel’s, Beck’s, Watney’s, Butlin’s and Sky (as in reach for the), as in Friday Night (Les).
Oh and Silverstone, Les. Most often aftrer Wimbledon but before WOMAD.
10 April 2010
Dave F.
B*gg*r me! You lot are obsessive, & I’d like to shake your hands for it.
Did you lot have your list pre compiled or construct them in a few hours?
Anyway….
Calendar:
Glastonbury (last weekend in June)
Bands:
Allan McGee (he played with Bobby Gillespie)
The Armoury Show (Hair like Brian May) Note to Chris: it’s spelt incorrectly one time in the lyrics
Grant Baynham (in Let’s not)
Liquid Greek (not real)
Benny Goodman
Telly Savalas (had a hit with ‘if’)
Products:
Ambassadors Hotel (is this a chain?)
Becks (in Blood on the Quad)
Frisbee (it’s a trade name owned by Wham-O toys, don’t you know)
Look & Learn (comic/magazine)
Kerrang! (in Christian Rock Concert)
NTL (in Jarg Armani)
Self-righteous (not genuine obviously)
Space hopper
Spandex (in Prag Vec at the Melkweg)
Theremin
CAMRA (not exactly a brand but still product placement)
@Charles
Publications are definitely brands but no, Bath Spa Water isn’t (It tastes horrible)
10 April 2010
Emerging From Gorse
Great shout on The Armoury Show. Brickbats for me for for missing old Kojak though. Liquid Greek not considered as purely fictional.
I think you’ll find, however, that Benny Goodman appears on the list under Goodman, Benny.
10 April 2010
dagenham dave
I did tell myself that I wouldn’t get sucked into this and I’ve resisted thus far…..however…..you could add Ken Livingstone to the musicians list as he did provide vocals to Blur’s ‘Ernold Same’.
10 April 2010
Peter Gandy
Brands: 4AD (record label)
Footballers (fictitious): Dead Shot Keen
Athletes: Emil Zatopek, Dick Quax, Kip Keino, Alberto Juantorena, Sonia Lannaman, Dwight Stones, Dick Fosbury, Kris Akabusi
10 April 2010
Dave F.
Some more before I go t’ pub.
Bands:
Tick & Tock supported Gary Numan
Don’t know how tenuous you want to make it but Little & Large used to do ‘comedic’ song skits where Syd had an acoustic guitar that looked far too large for him. Not sure if they ever released anything.
Lionel Blair definitely has.
Products:
Haliborange
Biro
Ski-doo
Watney
London Planetarium
TNT Overnite
(Ford) Anglia
Massey Fergusons
Nestlé Caramacs
CND/WI/RADA (?)
Would you want to include record labels like 4AD, Factory, Fierce Panda etc?
10 April 2010
Swanaldo
ARC would seem to be missing from the bands, and I’d add ‘Friday Night’ to the dates list. Oh, and NME to the products.
Can someone cleverer than me collate all the above into an easily digestible form please?
10 April 2010
Peter Gandy
@Swanaldo – Is ARC a band? I’d always thought it referred to the Neil Young album.
10 April 2010
Swanaldo
That makes more sense, Peter, yes.
11 April 2010
Jeff Dreadnought
@Peter – well pointed out. Rather than just being a random reference to rhyme with “park”, Arc was a feedback compilation album. Also ties in nicely with the Thurston Moore reference earlier in Look Dad No Tunes as Sonic Youth were supporting Neil Young on the tour the compilation was made from, according to Wikipedia. Another example of how well HMHB lyrics stand up to the intense scrutiny to which we subject them.
Talking of Wikipedia – surely the time is ripe for a Bikipedia project?
11 April 2010
TWO FAT FEET
Garth Crooks must have been on those Chas & Dave records for Spurs’ cup final appearances in the early 1980s.
11 April 2010
Charles Exford
The Blackwells
What a fantastic spring weekend. I was out on a beacon yesterday and I started wondering which one the balladeer with the big nose belted out his broadside from. Because we’ll probably never know, I have instead compiled a list of “The Blackwell Hills.” So forget yer Grahams, yer Corbetts, your Nuttalls and yer Munros. I’m off out Blackwell bashing cos I’ve only done about 8 of these so far.
In descending order:
Snowdon (Yr Wyddfa) 1,085 m (3,560 ft)
Glyder Fawr 999 m (3,279ft)
Glyder Fach 990m (3,249 ft)
Scafell Pike 978 m (3,210 ft highest point in England & the Lakes, reasonable rates)
Scafell (separate peak) 964 m (3,164 ft)
Pen-y-ghent – 694m (2,278 ft)
Twmpa (AKA L. Hereford’s Knob) 689m (2,232 ft)
Kinder Scout 636m (2,093 ft)
Clwydian Hills – highest point Moel Famau – 555m (1,818 ft), a peak often visible from the Wirral, when the cloudbase allows
Mam Tor 517 m (1,696 ft)
Quantocks highest point Wills Neck, 384m (1,261 feet).
The Wrekin 407m (1,224 ft)
Bulbarrow Hill 274 m (899 feet)
South Downs – highest is Butser Hill, Hampshire – 270 m (886 ft)
Uffington White Horse, Berkshire Downs (technically in Oxfordshire) 261 m (856 ft)
Great Orme 207m (679 ft)
And just in case any pedant reckons it might be the Little Orme that’s being ascended, well that one’s 141 m (463 ft)
Deepest Pot in the Pennine Ridge – Gaping Ghyll – 80m 263 feet deep
**************************************
I avoided the temptation to include Moel Siabod, despite Nigel’s recent assertion in Cambridge that “Bottleneck at Capel Curig” is about the moment when that mountain first comes into sight.
11 April 2010
Charles Exford
Not sure why the Wrekin slipped below the Quantocks there. should be around 1,335 ft in fact).
11 April 2010
s.g.d A Shropshire Lad
There now is a band called Kip Keino(formed after Hedley was written)
Fred Titmus was possibly on Watford’s and Chelsea’s books.
11 April 2010
Dave F.
The Cotswolds (highest point: Cleeve Hill at 1,083 ft)
is mentioned in Twydale’s Lament.
Tenuous, I know, but the hill that the the grand old Duke of York marched up is the earthworks that Sandal Castlesat on.
The fictitious Brokeback Mountain.
11 April 2010
Charles Exford
Did you see 86 year-young Bert Trautmann on the highlights of the city match yesterday, at the match to celebrate his 60th anniversary of signing for City from St. Helen’s Town in 1950 ? Looked so good he could have probably played in goal & city would have still won.
Mate of mine went to see Bert at his book launch at Waterstone’s last week, saying “it might be my last chance to meet the great man.” I said “nah, lad, if you give up the ciggies you’ve got a couple more years in you yet,”
Mate’s a Biscuits fan so he kept tight hold of his Chomsky. No Iranian crêpes apparently.
12 April 2010
nigel (no, not that one)
products & brands….
Meltonian (Whiteness Thy Name Is….)
12 April 2010
Ricardo
@Charles Exford, and his Apostro-fest. I am sure that, as our own uber-pedant, he will appreciate me pointing out that there is no apostrophe in Butlins. Whether there should be is, of course, another matter.
12 April 2010
charliew
Products/brands
Dyson (as in grooming agitator)
MFI (+1)
Gauloises (ou est le hubcaps)
13 April 2010
TWO FAT FEET
And the mislaid Barbour.
13 April 2010
Rusty Spanner
Products or brands. How about AKA, recording gear? Also bagged 8 of the ‘Blackwells’, superb idea, but I bet he chucks an Everest reference in soon to confound prospective list tickers, think we ‘ve already had a sleevenote reference to Maurice Wilson.
15 April 2010
John Anderson
Here are some non-football sporting references from which you will, no doubt, spot glaring omissions:
CRICKET
Hedley Verity
Fred Titmus
Wendy Wimbush
Vanburn Holder
Left arm occasionals
Roll the square Arthur
Five Day Tests
ATHLETICS
Kip Keino
Dwight Stones
Sonia Lannaman
Dick Quax
(Dick) Fosbury
(Kriss) Akabusi
(Emile) Zatopek
MOTOR SPORT
Hannu Mikkola
Jacques Lafitte
Ivan Mauger
Junior Kickstart
Silverstone
TENNIS
Vitas Gerulaitis
Virginia Wade
(Martina) Navratilova
Tim (Henman) & Greg (Rusedski)
Centre Court
Wimbedon
GOLF
(Craig) Stadler
Greg (Norman)
The Bear (Jack Nicklaus)
Par 4
WINTER SPORTS
Vreni Schneider
Nordic Skiing
Skidoo
Bobsleigh
Kitzbuhel
WRESTLING
Johnny Kwango
Kendo Nagasaki
Bert Royal
EQUESTRIAN
Alvin Schockemohle
The National
Gymkhana
Uttoxeter
SNOOKER
Len Ganley
The Crucible
BASKETBALL
Meadowlark Lemon
TABLE TENNIS
Chester Barnes
RUGBY UNION
Five Nations
Twickenham
GREYHOUND RACING
Monmore
ROWING
Summer Eights
WEIGHTLIFTING
Precious McKenzie
COMMENTATORS/PRESENTERS
Dickie Davies
Brian Moore
(Tony) Gubba
Bob Wilson
Kenneth Wolstenholme
Jim Rosenthal
David Vine
Elton Welsby
Hamilton Bland
Garth Crooks
16 April 2010
Charles Exford
Brilliant work, John. How about :
GOLF
Ryder Cup
On the 14th fairway … wave a four-ball through
HORSE RACING
Weigh-in at Newton Abbot
Pulled-up at Bangor-on-Dee
(and some other places are surely mentioned because of the racecourses they are best-known for: “walk round Cartmel” … “near Fakenham” …
CRICKET
barmy army
the umpire bit in “referees alphabet”
CYCLING
(these references are definitely to a sport rather than a means of transport)
Sturmey Archer
Campagnolo
Harry Quinn
WINTER
Luge
TENNIS
Hemnan Hill as well as the Tim (Henman) reference you’ve got
And if snooker’s a sport, as telly would have it, then is DARTS ?
The bull’s a double and an out
SAILING
Sea cadets are sailing
Cowes
SURFING
Wave rage at Fistral beach
16 April 2010
Charles Exford
Aargh now I can’t get me mind back on “work”:
GOLF
Father, I want to borrow your golf clubs
The yipps
Body was found on the driving range
ATHLETICS
the Cuban’s eight-foot stride
(don’t worry I’m not going to suggest “moshers out jogging”)
Monday night archery ? Crown green bowls as a sport ? It’s in the Olympics. Unlike snooker or deck quoits.
16 April 2010
Mr Larrington
MOTOR SPORT
Oulton Park
16 April 2010
Charles Exford
Excellent 🙂 Finally a chance in this thread like all the others to say, “that’s not what I hear, and definitely not on the session version, etc, etc.”
Which reminds me to start the service stations list.
16 April 2010
Peter Gandy
If it isn’t Oulton Park, then Hilton Park is home to Leigh Rugby League as well as a service station.
16 April 2010
Peter Gandy
One more for the bands: Man (Welsh rockers)
16 April 2010
Peter Gandy
MOTOR SPORT
Donnington
16 April 2010
John Anderson
I didn’t include Harry Quinn, Sturmey Archer or Campagnolo as I feel they
are references to kids bikes rather than the sport of cycling.
See also: Sea Cadets,
16 April 2010
Charles Exford
Sorry I wasn’t having a dig at you in any way John with my dig at snooker being considered a sport so I dunno if I made you a bit prickly there, apologies if so …anyway I didn’t realise we were ruling out kids from sport, but anyway 27 out of 31 Tour de France winners between ’68 and ’98 rode Campagnolo parts (presumably Raleigh Choppers were banned because of the unfair advantage). Harry Quinn build some mythical racing frames for proper grown-ups with tight shorts and their cycling chapeaux on backwards. Sturmey Archer have a great racing history too, and very lovely old posters.
Nigel rides a racing bike. It seems to be up high his top 5 favourite sports to do and to watch, and quite a common topic of banter at recent gigs.
Ten-pin bowling, paintball.
17 April 2010
Precocious Mckenzie
Competitive hot air balooning…minus the champagne.
17 April 2010
Mr Galbraith
Just neglected my pitiful competition onions and spent 20 minutes poring over your contributions and depsite all your fine efforts a few omissions sprang to mind. Problem was as soon as I got to this bit I’d forgotten the earlier ones and I keep scrolling back up, so these are in random order:
Cricket: Slower ball… (Ode to Joyce)
The hilarious Malcolm Nash reference at the Cambridge gig. My fellow attendees and I are still cracking each other up at that one. An ephemeral reference i know, but I’m hoping it becomes part of a future song.
Are Facebook and You Tube brand names? I guess they must be.
I’m sure I had more but can’t be arsed scrolling any more. Here’s a list of my own, to my surprise much shorter than when first thought of the subject. Names changed grammatically to mean verbs or other parts of speech, eg:
Stevie Nicks books about kleptomania
Nero fiddles while Gordon Burns
Can you hear Talvin Singh?
I’m feeling cursed and sore like, I’m Thurston Moore like.
And I can’t think of any more. Not even convinced the last one counts!
I’d be grateful for any more…
Mr G
17 April 2010
John Anderson
Exxo, no apologies needed No offence taken at all, sorry if I seemed prickly. Fair enough about the bikes.
17 April 2010
Jan
Tennis, I feel the obvious (perhaps too obvious) one is “I can put a tennis racket up against my face”
And then of course the rest of the line attributable to whatever type of wrestling it was “…and pretend that I am Kendo Nagasaki”. Ah…I see that the wrestling was mostly in American leagues — does that not count, then? Say it ain’t so, Chris.
18 April 2010
Chris The Siteowner
Well, obviously anything in America doesn’t count because, as any fule kno, they have no sport in America. But nothing could count more in terms of sporting relevancy than regular appearances on World of Sport, in my eyes, as well as Dickie Davies’.
If this commentary doesn’t bring back memories, you’re too young.
18 April 2010
Jan
“Stevie Nicks books about kleptomania”
(Speaks in hollow, muffled tones from behind ) Oh, God. Missed that one….until now….
18 April 2010
Dave (or I could be Mike)
More crap British athletes of yore:
Evan Dando’s ‘sister’ Suzanne, the 80s version of Beth Tweddle (without the medals)
and I’m sure my work-addled brain recalls Desmond Douglas somewhere…
19 April 2010
S.G.D.A SHROPSHIRE LAD
Douglas was a table tennis player.
19 April 2010
waldron76
I find myself a relative HMHB novice here, so have had to strive to find any omissions:
Musicians:
Michael Moorcock was in a band called Michael Moorcock and the Deep fix in the mid 70s
Bette Midler, of course
George Michael
Commodores
Bjork
Dani Behr (briefly)
Charles Manson, before all the murdering.
Products:
Does Twister count?
The Aga cooker
Biro
Events:
The Proms
Cricket:
David Wainwright
20 April 2010
John Anderson
Music Venues/Festivals
Rock City
The Falcon
The Borderline
The Marquee
Warwick Arts Centre
Donnington
Monsters Of Rock
Melkweg
V
Glastonbury (twice)
Battle Of The Bands
Albert Hall
Barbican
WOMAD
20 April 2010
Charles Exford
Great work as ever, John.
Perhaps this is where we need that one of those Venn diagrams I mentioned, or at least an appendix, for fictional venues. Because if the roof of the Barbican is a venue then why not:
Deptford Abyss ?
The Duke of Marlborough Pub in Amesbury ?
The local Polytechnic ?
But Butlins and Buddakan are definite additions. And for purely sentimental reasons I’d venture the addition of Cammell Laird Social Club itself.
20 April 2010
John Anderson
Thought hard about Deptford Abyss/Duke of Marlborough (and also Christian Rock Concert) but decided to only include real places. The Barbican is an actual venue but I’m not sure whether anyone’s actually played on the roof. Should have got Budokan though.
My musings were inspired by a thread on the Fall Online Forum about venues mentioned in songs. HMHB, of course,came out on top, but the Television Personalities weren’t far behind.
20 April 2010
@steve_nicholls
more CRICKET:
“I keep wicket for the Quakers”
20 April 2010
Dave (or I could be Mike)
another (possible) footie reference:
Woodchurch Lane is directly opposite Prenton Park, home of Tranmere Rovers. Not sure if you can turn down it though.
‘Luton Town / Millwall 1985’ belongs somewhere as well – dates (13th March) perhaps?
21 April 2010
@steve_nicholls
Should there be a place for spring, summer, autumn and winter on the Calendar?
(btw, as part of my Pedant Proficiency Badge coursework, I would like to point out that it’s Donington, not Donnington….)
21 April 2010
John Anderson
I wasn’t sure so I googled Donnington and it came up with loads of responses so I assumed that it was correct.
Assumption, of course, is the mother of all fuck-ups.
21 April 2010
Andie
One more for the calendar:
(meeting a girl on) Halloween
23 April 2010
Charlie Davidson
I can’t believe no-one’s mentioned Krautrock production legend and Dieter Moebius collaborator Conny Plank. (The “Rastakrautpasta” LP is great.)
25 April 2010
hooHar
See also Mary Peter (she must despair).
2 May 2010
MISTER TUBBS
re the Blackwells, there is a Benny Hill (241m), just south of Littleborough, and is probably visible from the M62, less than a mile away. Not sure if High Street (828m) as in “Let’s Pedestrianise the…” counts. I also wonder if Fan y Big (719m) in the Brecon Beacons will make it into a future song?
3 May 2010
Toerag
Folk family band the Coppers as in “the best of”?
25 May 2010
argieuk
A sad late addition to the singer/band section- Nick ‘fucking’ Knowles has a downloadable track- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goZqBaXepU4. You do not want to hear this.
25 May 2010
Mr Larrington
@Third Rate Les:
To your list of Regular Events you might consider “twixt twelve and two” – prsumably daily, when water board men in water board vans use up their hour in lieu.
26 May 2010
Ben
@ Toerag, how about this lot to support them, dunno the genre
http://www.themummers.co.uk/
Anyone can join in though.
27 May 2010
RobJ
Stretching it a bit (ok, a lot), but to add to the Horse Racing list, Nigel pointed into the crowd at a gig a few years ago, and queried ‘Cornelius Lysaght?” (Radio 5 nags man)
Actually, to add to the golf list, I think he later did the same thing and queried “Domingo Hospital?” (Spanish golfer of yore, I think)
28 May 2010
rob
TV shows:
On The Buses
Neighbours
Home And Away
Red Dwarf
Junior Kickstart
Loads more to get surely.
Can I add iPod and Oxfam to the list of brands?
13 June 2010
Ben
@RobJ
that could almost be a separate list, he did it for a few gigs running “The Princess Royal Ladies and Gents!”
Cornelius Lysaght was at a Shepherds Bush gig I remember, think Princess Anne quip was at Manchester, and there were a few others.
13 June 2010
s.g.d A Shropshire Lad
Pointed into the crowd and said “Alf Wood” at the Shrewsbury gig.
Wood was voted second in a poll to find the favourite Shrewsbury Town player of all time.
We might see him drop to third if Joe Hart helps us win the World Cup.(well, I can dream)
13 June 2010
s.g.d A Shropshire Lad
Having just listened to tonight’s Marc Riley session on i-player –
Black Sabbath get a mention in Left Lyrics in the Practice Room.
12 August 2010
Peter Gandy
Also Mart Poom in the same song – though wrongly called Martin. Another one for the HMHB goalkeepers’ union.
12 August 2010
Ricardo
New addition from the songs aired on 6music last night, as well as those already mentioned above.
Music acts – Kathleen Ferrier
Footballers – John Byrne. (Although I’m sure Nigel is singing ‘John Byrne’, whether it is the former Ireland international striker turned chiropodist, no idea. If so it means, remarkably, that two former Sunderland players (Mart Poom being the other) are name checked in this session. John Byrne’s most notable contribution was scoring in every round bar the final during our magnificent FA Cup run of 1992.)
Products etc – Pashley (bicycles)
TGV (railways)
Dignitas (assisted suicide)
Oranjeboom (lager)
Venues – Lesser Free Trade Hall
12 August 2010
Dave F.
Wendy Richard, who substituted for Mary Hopkin in a live version of SA,BT from the London Forum.
She had a number one with Come outside
13 August 2010
Poolio
FOOTBALL:
Lest we forget that..
Song by Black Foot Sue “I’m standing in the Road”, was penned by “The Burly physio of non-league Farnborough Town”
Apparently…
6 September 2010
Charles Exford
Hey Chris, I understand your gloom – because we may soon run out of lyrics to quibble over. So because I reckon this will be the 3,000th comment on here and because the the end is nigh (not of the Lyrics Project, of course, what would we do without it? …but there’ll soon be an end to the supply of Biscuits songs we’ve not yet picked over), I thought I’d compile the first list we’ve had on here for a while.
As a cheerful reposte to anyone who’s ever said to any of us “oh yeah, Half Man Half Biscuit, I remember them – such a funny band, especially the song titles, hur hur hur….” here’s the start of a list of quotes entitled “The Gospel According to Nigel: the Eschatology of HMHB”, which loosely covers NB57’s references to The Last Judgement and the End of the World, as well as to his own prospects at heaven’s gate of course …I’ve only been through about half the songs so far, so your help would be cheerfully welcomed.
Are we living in the last days?
(Tommy Walsh’s Eco House, forthcoming album, 2010)
Came the behemoth … enter then a real ratpack … Ezekiel, etc
(Evening of Swing, 2008)
Heaven, yes, distant now … after this lot
(Problem Chimp, 2008)
The Book of Revelation, as revealed to St. John the Divine
(Shit Arm, Bad Tattoo, 2005)
If I get to heaven’s gate, I’ll doubtless have to wait, while St Peter investigates the inevitable asterisk
(Surging Out of Convalescence, 2005)
The Universe is ruled by chance and indifference …. to infernal regions I’ve been sent….
(Depressed beyond Tablets, 2005)
If Jesus Came to earth today, they’d crucify him right away
(Upon Westminster Bridge 2005)
When archangels interfere
These things he’d hitherto held dear
Shall be rendered obsolete
(Jarg Armani, 2003)
The title of Thy Damnation Slumbereth Not (2002)
The title and lyrics of Paradise Lost (2002)
And now my hours of happiness
Are darkened by the thought they are passing towards nothing
(Lark Descending, 2001)
Your Am-Dram class has been postponed indefinitely
Because the root of Jesse’s just turned up in glorious majesty
(Uffington Wassail, 2000)
It’s hovering over a world that’s gone wrong …And we’ll all die together… (With Goth on Our Side, 2000)
They want to wash away my sin
So I’m not forever in a Bottleneck at Capel Curig
(Bottleneck at Capel Curig, 2000)
Don’t let my funeral be morose in any way … oh rock of ages cleft for me (and other references, Children of Apocalyptic Techstep, 1998)
When I wade across the Jordan I’ll be Shining
(and the entire lyrics of Multitude, 1998)
8 September 2010
Vendor of Quack Nostrums
I’ve long since felt that NB57 reaches into the bag of religious (mainly Christian) imagery on a regular basis – often but not exclusively to create a negative or critical view. Charles has listed several of my favourite HMHB lines to start us off, so I’ll add some using Ninian Smart’s Dimensions of Religion;
The Doctrinal
What did God give us, Neil?
God gave us life, Nigel
Sure did.
A one two three four
John the Baptist knows the score
(God Gave Us Life)
The Experiential
January the sixth. Epiphany.
(Epiphany)
The Ritual
Would the congregation like to rise and sing
Hymn number 252?
(Petty Sessions)
The Mythological
By any chance?
Do you think I once saw heaven?
(Monmore Hare’s Running)
The Ethical
For “Horse Manure 200 Yards”
Read bottomless perdition
(Asparagus Next Left)
I knew that Theology degree would come in useful one day.
8 September 2010
Charles Exford
Quality commentary Dr. Vendor, a top class list that we can add to about various more general aspects of religion, and from your list I’d like to add to mine the “bottomless perdition” and the “Do you think I once saw heaven/During critical surgery/When I walked towards a bright light?”
I guess there could be plenty of material for yours in parodies like “Footprints” and pisstakes like “Faithlift” or “Christian Rock Concert”. But surprisingly those sort of songs don’t provide anything for mine, which is purely confined to Eschatology (“the four final things”: death, judgement, how and why and whether one goes whither). So onwards and upwards, continuing mine:
For sure, like I say
At the end of the day
We’ll take each Armageddon as it comes
(Tonight Matthew, I’m going to be with Jesus, 1997)
I’m not in the least afraid
For soon I shall fly to the sweet by and by
Away from a world without shade
(He Who Would Valium Take, 1997)
…but then I guess you wouldn’t let me into heaven..
Or maybe you would cos…
(Dickie Davies Eyes, 1986)
Not sure if this next one fits my list at all really, ‘cos listing all the suicide references will provide endless hours of fun for another day I guess, but anyway it’s a favourite of mine:
I take my rope down to the crossroads to bring my poor heart ease
I hang my rope down at the crossroads to bring my poor heart ease
Oh but the devil’s built a bypass ’n’ chopped down all of the trees
(Hair Like Brian May Blues, 1996)
Yeah. Suicide, murder and general violent vengeful mayhem are definitely on the list of lists-to-come.
8 September 2010
Chris The Siteowner
Stuart Vallantine, ofHalf Map Half Biscuit fame, has now come up with 50% Man 0.5 Biscuit: Numerical References in HMHB Songs which fits rather nicely here.
19 September 2010
Third Rate Les
Crikey – an eschatology list. Good work Charles and the Vendor.
Not often you get to use the word “eschatology”; I had to look it up when I read it in a book fairly recently, I have to admit.
I guess you could add
“Come the day when I don’t exist
And worms are flying through the graveyard mist
Don’t go bothering the exorcist”
and maybe the sentiment behind
“I’ve been sharing my innermost thoughts with an Edward McGray”.
although I suppose if we bring communing with spirits into it we’d also have Helen’s satin black tour jacket, Stringy Bob and maybe even the Welsh Imps.
That’s a cracking effort from Mr Vallantine there too.
20 September 2010
Jeff Dreadnought
“She died with her telly on, eighty-seven and confused
With not enough hospital beds ‘cos all the money’s been used
On the end of the century party preparations
And they reckon that the last thing she saw in her life was
Sting, singing on the roof of the Barbican
Sting, singing on the roof of the Barbican” (A Country Practice, 1998)
would seem to tick most of the eschatology boxes (death, judgement, heaven and hell).
20 September 2010
Jeff Dreadnought
And the title of “L’enfer, c’est les autres”, of course.
20 September 2010
Jeff Dreadnought
And the title and lyrics of See That My Bike’s Kept Clean (1997)
20 September 2010
Chris The Siteowner
With All These Things…
(lines starting with, er, “with”)
…with a girl from Machynlleth
…with a nod of the head
…with a note inside which read: “Is this your Sanderling?”
…with a smile saying, “Look, I know it’s under the mat”
…with a sub-machine-gun
…with an extra restless leg
…with an IRN DJ, at an A&R showcase
…with bells round her neck
…with boots on
…with detachable sleeves
…with Elgin, Nairn or Brora anymore
…with featureless TV producer Steve
…with little in the way of sunshine
…with more substance than you
…with my little stick of Ayers Rock
…with no alarm bell, we’re mathematically safe
…with not enough hospital beds ‘cos all the money’s been used
…with our mates in the street
…with Peter Grummitt as an acid casualty
…with Sade and Whitney
…with talk of jam and crusty cobs
…with Talk Radio on
…with that look in his eye
…with the ball that we bought from the shop just last week
…with the bright fairy lights
…with the Gypsies down the road
…with the possible exception of being Garth Crooks
…with the storming of a brothel in Palermo
…with their strategies and logistics
…with this in mind, we thought it wise
…with two pacy numbers we’ll open the show
…with wattle and daub ‘neath a silvry moon
…with windmill sails, and bombs with nails
…with your clinching Hudson Ford discography
…with your Nxe3
and…
With Goth On Our Side
20 September 2010
chedgzoy
And here’s confirmation that Neil Morrissey is, indeed, a nobhead
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZq8A59NH1U
21 September 2010
Vendor of Quack Nostrums
Chedgzoy
Be afraid, be very afraid…………..
Regardless of recent anti Chinese jibes by the ex Smiths front man that video now puts me firmly in the;
‘Neil Morrissey’s a knobhead’ camp,
rather than the;
‘Neil, Morrissey’s a knobhead’ camp.
21 September 2010
Charles Exford
The Curse of HMHB
[note from Chris The Siteowner: this list, and Charles’ introduction to it, has now been moved to its own page (because it’s worth it), so feel free to update and comment there]
Bongo, Ali first mentioned 1985 – died 08/03/2009 …outliving the curse by 24 years
Kitt, Eartha 01/12/1985 – 25/12/2008 …23 years
Bastable, Tony 1985 – 25/05/2007 …22 years
Puskas, Ferenc 1985 – 17/11/2006 …21 years
Farm, George 1985 – 18/07/2004 …19 years
Quinn, Harry 1991 – 1/10/2009 …18 years
Hird, Thora 01/12/1985 – 15/03/2003 …17 years 3 months
Mount, Peggy 1985 – 13/11/2001 …16 years
Wolstenholme, Kenneth 1987 – 25/03/2002 …15 years
Vandross, Luther 1991 – 01/07/2005 …14 years
Roddick, Anita 25/10/1993 – 10/09/2007 …13 years 11 months
Hull, Rod 08/09/1986 – 17/03/1999 …12 years 6 months
Spencer, Di 1985 – 31/08/1997 …12 years
Moore, Brian 08/09/1986 – 01/09/2001 …11 years 11 months
Vine, David 02/02/1997 – 11/01/2009 …11 years 11 months
Ball, Ernie 1995 – 09/09/2004 …9 years
Most, Mickey 25/10/1993 – 30/05/2003 …8 years 10 months
Todd, Bob 1985 – 21/10/1992 …7 years
Mortensen, Stanley 1985 – 22/05/1991 …6 years
Yashin, Lev 1985 – 20/03/1990 …5 years
Jackson, Gordon 01/12/1985 – 15/01/1990 …4 years 11 months
Monopoly, Tony 1991 – 21/03/1995 …4 years
Pope JP2 25/06/2001 – 02/04/2005 …3 years 10 months
Queen Mother, The 29/06/1998 – 30/03/2002 …3 years 3 months
Savalas, Telly 1991 – 22/01/1994 …3 years
Gerulaitis, Vitas 1991 – 17/09/1994 …3 years
Warhol, Andy 1985 – 22/02/1987 …2 years
Dali, Salvador 1987 – 23/01/1989 …2 years
Lee, Arthur 26/09/2004 – 03/08/2006 …1 year 1 month
Rous, Stanley 1985 – 18/07/1986 …1 year
Moult, Ted 20/11/1985 – 03/09/1986 …10 months
Rushton, Willie 1996 – 18/08/1996 …c.4 months (died between the EP release and the album)
22 September 2010
Paul F
Surely there’s a blanket exemption for Thatcher?
22 September 2010
a_p
Thanks — particularly like the countdown approach. Though why Mickey[sic] Most warrants two entries I’m not sure…the Simon C. of his day.
I am familiar with every name on the list except for George Farm, who I understand was a Scottish footballer (I’m more of an Alfie Conn fellow).
23 September 2010
BrumBiscuit
Now, I could’ve sworn that (Rob) Fisher’s death was post-Trouble over Bridgwater, but disappointingly he shuffled off this mortal coil exactly eight months prior to that – 25/8/1999 and 25/4/2000 respectively.
I notice that Noel Edmonds gets a (brief) track on the same album, but I note the advisory in Charles Exford’s message about wishing people dead…
On a more positive note, Tony Gubba seems to be going strong, though I doubt even he would have foreseen being the commentator on Dancing on Ice.
25 September 2010
Germ
Wasn’t aware that Ali Bongo was dead…this IS the Ali Bongo comedian/magician husband of Victoria Wood isn’t it?
26 September 2010
Third Rate Les
He died quite recently. Viz had a whole article on the phenomenon of how we all, no matter how young or old, remember exactly what we were doing when we heard the tragic news. I guess you must have been out of the country.
Interesting to see that the recently deceased Omar Bongo, former president of Gabon, has a son called, would you believe, Ali, who is now President. I wonder what his over-stretching skills are like?
26 September 2010
Ricardo
@Germ – Ali Bongo wasn’t married to Victoria Wood, that was The Great Soprendo, aka Geoffrey Durham. You’re mixing up your ‘Piff Paff Poof!’ with your ‘Hocus Pocus Fishbones Chokus’ there, which is an easy mistake to make.
26 September 2010
Charles Exford
Of course now that we know the exact date of release (all the 1985 tracks were 7/10/85) I’ll need to make a number of changes to Tony’s arithmetic.
Most significantly, Ted Moult, surging out of putrescence, leap-frogs Stanley Rous, and it can’t be too long surely before Ted is out of the relegation zone entirely, but Andy Warhol drops a place (he should only ever have been one year and a few months anyway).
In due course I’ll cross-check with all other relevant release dates.
7 October 2010
Charles Exford
Silly me. While the changes to the list I mentioned are still needed, Mrs. Exford points out that 2 tracks aired in the first Peel session, 20/11/85, were not on “Back in the DHSS”, so that particular date should remain on the list for Ted Moult only. All other 1985 tracks are 7/10/10.
The Trumpton Riots EP was released 01/01/86.
7 October 2010
Third Rate Les
Almost inevitably (well, there’s no “almost” about it), Claire Rayner appears on the list.
12 October 2010
Chris The Siteowner
The Top 20 Things NB57 wants…
Obviously, a Dukla Prague away kit for Christmas. But also:
…a sun tan, not Vashti Bunyan
…Dave and Barbara to refer me to the blackboard
…karma like Mr. Lama
…my hand held pumps
…the sci-fi meet
…the whole world to know
…to fly my biplane low over Swaffham
…to get in amongst the baying hordes of resting actors
…to go out and commit mass murder
…to live ’til I die
…to make her mathematically safe
…to meet Howard Marks if I can but they say that I can’t
…to meet yer
…to perch myself halfway up a metal staircase with the Polydor girls
…to set fire to commemorative tea towels
…to shake hands with the whole of Finland
…to borrow your golf clubs
…to wave at astonished rustics
…you at the end of my itinerary
16 October 2010
Neil G
Here’s my list of what I want for Christmas:
1 A new album from Half Man Half Biscuit.
2 er…
17 October 2010
Bobby String
@ Emerging From Gorse
Excellent list of artists, must have taken some time. Just wondered if you’d consider adding Will Oldham because he is both Bonny Prince Billy and The Palace Brothers, or would that be stretching it a bit since you already mentioned him as the latter two?
Sadly, I don’t have all HMHB’s albums so I’m looking for volunteers to make a list for me of all the songs in which Nigel namechecks Neil. I’ll start you off with the three that I know of:
“I don’t care and nor does Neil” – Irk The Purists
“(ta Neil)” – Reasons To Be Miserable
“What did God give us Neil?” – God Gave Us Life
Over to you, list-makers!
Ô¿Ô
22 October 2010
Chris The Siteowner
@Bobby String: couldn’t find any more except for “Neil Morrissey’s a knobhead” and “Well it’s alright for Nicholas and for Neil”, which probably don’t count.
Right, here’s a new list. All the words of more than 12 letters used in an HMHB song (hyphenated words excepted). Not that interesting to read, but it did make me wonder if there’s ever been another songwriter who could boast such a long list?
Acknowledgement
Autobiography
Claustrophobia
Collaboration
Commemorative
Communication
Congratulations
Contortionism
Convalescence
Demonstrators
Dentressangle
Disappointing
Disappointment
Distinguished
Documentaries
Ecclesiastical
Encouragement
Entertainment
Extraordinary
Granddaughter
Gynaecologists
Hallucinations
Horticultural
Indispensable
Inhospitality
Interpersonal
Lacksadaisical
Lexicographers
Mathematically
Megalomaniacal
Misconceptions
Misunderstood
Multifunctional
Necrophiliacs
Pedestrianise
Preservatives
Psychological
Reflexologist
Reflexologists
Relationships
Revolutionary
Rothersthorpe
Self-Righteous
Sophisticated
Supercalifragilisticborussiamoenchengladbach
Supplementary
Synchronisation
Unconsciousness
Uncontrollable
Unemployments
Unnecessarily
22 October 2010
chedgzoy
Acknowledged
Quintessence
Both from the same song
22 October 2010
Bobby String
Wow, I just made my first HMHB list from my meagre collection! Cheers Chris!
Ô¿Ô
22 October 2010
Neil G
Here you are, Bobby. It Makes The Room Look Bigger.
I’m drawn towards the souvenir stores
I twirl around the key fob rack
Well it’s alright for Nicholas and for Neil
Yeah well how do you think that makes me feel?
22 October 2010
Bobby String
@ Neil G
Cool, that one’s lacking from my meagre HMHB collection. I know how Nigel feels – my real name’s Graeme, how many keyfobs have you ever seen with that spelling? 🙁
Ô¿Ô
23 October 2010
Charles Exford
Graeme – not sure if you’ve read the reviews of the last gig, in Bilston, but yours was the spelling of the 24-hour Garage chief’s name badge. Key fob it ain’t but it’s something at least.
Anyway here’s an equally inconsequential list for an inconsequential Tuesday lunchtime, encompassing all the references I can think of by NB57 to JL2=, PM2=, GH14, RS22, their life and works.
Obviously some of the most memorable references are the album titles
“Back in the DHSS” (parody of song title “Back in the USSR”) and “Four Lads who Shook the Wirral” (parody of name of Beatles sculpture in Matthew Street, Liverpool).
The only other song titles cited are in Ready Steady Goa:
“Dear Prudence… Helter Skelter ….”
The same song contains two Beatles biographical references: “Maharishi…. Ravi Shankar”
More biographical references: “I’m off to see the Bootleg Beatles as the Bootleg Mark Chapman” (Evening Sun); “He knows Ono” (Eno collaboration).
Only one set of Beatles lyrics are parodied at any length:
“In the town where I was born lived a man who went to work, and he told us of his life ….and then the band began to play.” (Prag Vec)
Only one Beatle is actually named: “Drunk on Ferris Wheel McCartney Hogmanay” (ITMA)
And, errm, that’s about it really, at the end of that round NB57 you have scored 11 points, unless we speculate that (I’ve started so I’ll finish) “Hey Joyce” is somehow a reference to “Hey Jude”, or that “Twmpa, Twmpa, you’re gonna need a jumper” is a reference to “I am the Walrus”, rather than just a citation of Jimmy Edwards’ catchphrase which the outro of Lord Hereford’s Knob shares with Lennon’s song, in which “Oompa, oompa, stick it up your jumper” is sung by a children’s choir as part of the outro.
2 November 2010
Charles Exford
Another short list which needs no introduction, because it’s a list of brilliant piss-take ways of introducing the instrumental break, and therefore of some of the best lines in the whole canon:
Let it happen, bass player ! (Time Flies by)
Ah regain it for me Rodney ! (Paradise Lost)
OK, let’s pedestrianise the High Street ! (You’re Hard)
Let’s go to chapel ! (Bad Review)
…and of course my favourite:
Alright boys, fill the skip ! (Moody Chops)
We could also arguably include two more:
Let’s hear it for the brake man, without him, I’d have to find more words ! Yodelayee…. (Tyrolean knockabout)
and
So throw it out of court (Mate of the Bloke)
***********************************************************
Or those last two could be included in a short list of self-conscious commentaries on what’s happening musically behind the lyrics at the time, e.g. :
Is this the bit where we’re supposed to make guitars collide ?
And is this the bit where we release all that raw energy ?
And is this the bit where we go crashing through those barriers,
Like what they do in music mags? (Teenage Armchair Honved Fan)
Four more without the numerous frills (Depressed Beyond Tablets)
Pots and pans ! (Third Track, Main Camera)
2 November 2010
Neil G
Charles,
Are you talking about Beatles songs only or do post-Beatles songs by ex-members count? If so Temporary Secretary, by Paul McCartney should be in there. ITMA. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdTs-iLBKME
2 November 2010
Bobby String
Thanks Charles, at least I get a mention somewhere by HMHB, better than dying and having that Blackwell chap scam my widow out of my season ticket (I like to think that one is spelled ‘Graham’)!
Incidentally, both my ex-wife and her son worked in a 24 hour garage and both did night shift listening to Talk Radio. The boss’s name was Mike though, not Graeme.
Ô¿Ô
2 November 2010
Bobby String
I’ve put together my own list of all the HMHB songs that are crap. Here it is:
2 November 2010
Charles Exford
Well Bobby/Graeme (!!) I think we can safely say that’s the only indisputably 100% complete list yet published in this thread.
As Neil shows with an excellent addition to mine.
2 November 2010
Chris The Siteowner
Ooh, if we’re having post-split material, we mustn’t forget RS22’s poptastic “You’re Sixteen”, referenced in Tonight Matthew, I’m going to be with Jesus: You come on like a dream, Julian Bream, Lips like David Vine…
2 November 2010
Bobby String
The problem with my list is that Nigel can now never write a song called NOV 2ND, 2010 because it would have to be crap. I’ll get me coat…
Ô¿Ô
2 November 2010
Third Rate Les
I thought I should collate all the kind additions to the calendar, so here it is:
Specific dates/events:
1. Hogmanay (drunk on Ferris wheel)
2. Epiphany (January the Sixth)
3. 23rd Jan 1879 (when Cetshwayo got neither stroppy nor miffed)
3. 27th June (Sword dance)
4. A Friday in July (from Epiphany)
5. Fourth of August (had a dream)
6. Early September (week in the lakes)
7. Shite Day (my birthday)
8. October 3rd 1995 (Fisher’s gig)
9. Christmas (busking, “Roll The Square Arthur”, make a noise with your toys, receive whistle and an evening with a supporter’s wife)
10. Boxing Day (inform supporter of aforementioned Christmas present)
11. New Year’s Eve (have a row)
Regular events:
1. Australia Day (every day)
2. Twixt twelve and two (waterboard man in waterboard van)
3. Every Saturday (the Chigley Skins)
4. Monday (am: field paths; pm: meet up with CORGI-registered friends; night: archery)
5. Midweek (trapped in porch)
6. Thursday evening (go to quiz night with rubber bands)
7. Friday afternoon (Thelwall)
8. Every 2 weeks (pick up giro)
9. Weekend (vintage car show)
10. June (Coach trip)
11. Halloween (met a girl)
12. December (Kitzbuehel)
13. Spring (ran up)
14. Summer (didn’t see the sun)
15. Autumn (walked up)
16. Winter (felt secure on the roads)
Movable feasts:
1. Pancake Day
2. Lent (gave up hope)
3. Ash Wednesday (tantric stuff, elbow licking attempt)
4. Good Friday (spoilt by unwanted gifts)
5. Whit Week (malarkey)
Unknown dates:
1. Tuesday (Thursday)
2. Friday (mind went that-away)
3. Sunday (3:50) – warehouse visit & dinner with David Emmanuel
Events (now roughly in chronological order, assuming Ryder Cup won’t be in October again):
1. Paris Fashion Week
2. The National
3. Ideal Home Show
4. Lord of the Darnce (week after the previous)
5. The Summer Eights
6. Glasto (nbury)
7. Wimbledon
8. Silverstone
9. WOMAD
10. The Proms
11. Ryder Cup
12. V
13. Sports Personality of the Year
3 November 2010
Third Rate Les
(although it’s afternoon with supporter’s wife, and the Halloween one is perhaps a one-off, not regular event – ah well, maybe time to let it lie)
3 November 2010
Jan
Under unknown dates: ‘Thelwall Friday afternoon’? Just saying, like.
10 November 2010
Charles Exford
Extraordinary Fires
Chopping some extraordinary firewood just now, it occurred to me that I should perhaps complement the “Last Judgement” and “Death & Destruction” lists with a list on FIRE.
My select XV of biscuity conflagrations is as follows:
1. There’s trouble at the fire station, someone’s had the sack (Trumpton)
2. Going crazy at the fire door (Nerys)
3. It usually takes for ever trying to burn the grossly oversized (Cremating)
4. Makes me want to set fire to commemorative tea-towels (Architecture)
5. Oh say I’m not the only one to fill with trepidation
Walking across the forecourt of the fire station (Uffington)
6. A world in which Grant Baynham
Burns in front of his children (Let’s Not)
7. A spate of pan fires (WBTV)
8. I came and set fire to your shed (24HGP)
9. If it’s her desire I’ll put my fingers in the fire …. Nero fiddles while Gordon burns (JDOG)
10. In the fiery pit there are eternal sleeping policemen (Twydale)
11. My happy-go-lucky affectation conceals extraordinary fires (Sunshine)
12. The fire that burned inside of me (Lark Descending)
13. After The Fire were a mess on the floor (Christian Rock Concert)
14. Nurse just throw another log upon the fire (Bubblewrap)
15. They came for the fire-eaters (Blind Eye)
22 November 2010
Charles Exford
Not sure how “I read the news today oh boy” (Fear my Wraith) got missed off my Beatles references list. I think it was that one which got me started on that particular list in the first place.
1 December 2010
Charles Exford
Forget your lists of musicians, your products, forget your footy and your sport references. Forget dates, biblical judgements, murders, suicides, slaughters, fires, dates and deaths, because it struck me last night (looking out over a snowy platform where we’d been stuck an hour while a junior employee tried to free all the iced up train doors with a hammer and chisel), that if the collected works of HMHB have any over-arching theme it is not a condemnation of the stupidities of modern life and the revenges that Blackwell would like to heap upon the minions of Baal, oh no.
It’s The UK Transport System in all its glory.
And although this epiphany came to me on a train (just after various announcement by the guard which actually contained apologies for 8 separate things, thus delaying the train by an extra 5 minutes), it’s on the roadways that we must first of all concentrate, for the roads are the ultimate bringer of all frustrations.
ROADS
…down at the crossroads …but the devil’s built a bypass, n’chopped down all of the trees,
and hey I need a bypass about as much as I need (Hair Like Brian May)
…in the side streets (Multitude)
Country lanes, dirt tracks, minor roads (Asparagus)
In Bucks lay-by (Styx gig)
Moonless byway (A Country Practice)
It’s a long old lane and it got no end
It’s a green light now but it’s gonna change (See that my Bike’s Kept Clean)
Bridleway …Not enough cycle paths (Children of Apocalyptic)
The forty-third brown sign today (Children)
The most dangerous junction in Christendom (WBTV)
Eternal Sleeping Policemen (Twydale)
She’s keeping 2 chevrons apart
…how do the road-gritters get to work? (Evening Sun)
…tied a bunch of flowers around the speed limit sign (Evening of Swing)
Don’t know much about the Highway Code and I’ve never read On The Road (Let’s Not)
Bottleneck at Capel Curig
Thelwall Friday afternoon (Bubblewrap) (note: Thelwall Viaduct, on the M6, famous for delays)
Long-term roadworks (Upon Westminster)
Born on a central reservation (M6-ster)
Is it you that’s to stone for the motorway cone…? (Paradise Lost)
A47
A552
M6
Service stations: Tebay, Knutsford, Hilton Park, Rothersthorpe North & Rothersthorpe South (now renamed as Northampton N. and S., I believe)
All-Night Garage
Motoring atlas
CARS
(perhaps interesting how few of these are mentioned? Though I’m sure I’ve forgotten one or two)
Volvo glove compartment (CORGI Registered Friends)
Plymouth (27 yards)
Cadillac (Skiffle)
Surprised, like the front of an Anglia (Doreen)
LORRIES, VANS … & CARAVANS
Christian Salvesen, Ryder
Curries of Dumfries
Norbert Dentressangle
TNT Overnight (M6-ster)
Plumber’s van, transit van (a.n.l.)
The Transit full of Keith (Multitude)
It’s a long old truck that runs you down (See That My Bike’s Kept Clean)
Water board van (Lilac urine)
You get back in to the Wim van Hanegem (Girlfriend’s finished)
Keep your arms as rigid as a juggernaut (Len G)
All the cars and the lorries and the buses and vans (P.R.S.)
Where be my camper van? (Bob Wilson)
Caravan holiday (Let’s Not)
Caravan … static, naturally (Referee’s alphabet)
Died on a caravan site (M6-ster)
SINS OF CAR DRIVERS
Car that’s parked on a pavement narked pedestrians (He who would)
Take sweets off strange men in big cars and get driven to the woods (God gave us Life)
Driving backwards at rush-hour along the Edgware road (Upon Westminster)
Indicate then you stupid bastard (Twydale)
Because you didn’t indicate to go down Woodchurch Lane (Uffington)
Your charmless associates in a stretch limousine (Evening)
Well we’ve both seen your personalised reg plates
And it’s not the worst crime I agree (Paradise Lost)
I am St Peter, and you’re going downstairs, along with cars that have pet names (Mars Ultras)
Taxi drivers using their horn (Breaking News)
I park up in the pouring rain
The space was empty, who’s to complain
‘Cos I’m a Blue, Blue Badge Abuser (BBA)
Trying to sell Clan Of Xymox from your car boots (Faithlift)
Cars are too fast, ‘cos the drivers are slow
Joy-ride boy died (Steel Hearts)
And of course in the new song L’enfer c’est les autres, the car driver beckoning our hero across the road with a forefinger is the ultimate sin, so all in all, why not go by bus? They’re highly commendable…
BUS ROUTES
(been expecting Stuart Vallentine to do this one for ages now, what’s the betting I do it and then his version comes along at the same time?)
Hey Blakey does your bus go by the Dark Satanic Mills? (D.B.T.)
Elderly lady at the bus stop …there’s generally one at 25 past. They come swinging round that corner, they think they’re Benny Goodman (It makes the room look Bigger)
I know the drivers by their first names …Tony drives the 41 … staff canteen, Duff Leg Bryn got on the 113 …standing forward of the notice …While the vehicle’s in motion, the driver’s got nothing to say (LITTWOS)
They’re on the bus (Gubba Lookalikes)
…some to the college minibus, driven by Bob, who didn’t go our way… we could get the 71, which was a lot quicker and didn’t skirt the council estate… I noticed that it was a double-decker. As we boarded, I immediately felt a little uneasy, as the driver didn’t seem to know the required fare for our intended destination. As we made our way to the upper deck front seat, I felt the vehicle swing round to the left, as if to go along Bridge Street. “He really doesn’t know the route”… Ten years on …yes, you guessed it, I’m the driver…she floats on board, takes the seat behind me. She doesn’t pay of course, but she is keen to make sure we don’t go down Bridge Street. She finally alights at the cemetery (TJWDS)
Go by bus they’re highly dependable (FWIC)
Bus drivers who don’t wait for people to sit down (B.N.)
I saw the wheels of nihilism rolling my way
And now I live life in the bus lane (Architecture)
Use it or lose it the park and ride (San Antonio)
The bus replacement service had broken down (NSD)
I’ve got no bus fare, I’ve gotta walk (Bob Wilson)
the last bus to your heart (Ordinary to Enschede)
PRIVATE HIRE
Let’s forget about the open-top bus ride (Makes the Room Look)
Get on my funbus (Quality Janitor)
Tour bus crashes and you die (Nove)
Egg sandwiches on coach trips in June (Vagaries)
I didn’t really expect the train to get into Leeds as soon as it did, just three and a half hours late in fact (at one point they’d offered to put us up for the night at Newark station as if it was the greatest honour we’d ever dreamt of), so I’ll leave train references till another day. They aren’t as interesting as the bus ones though, are they?
2 December 2010
Neil G
Charles,
What do you do in your spare time?
2 December 2010
Charles Exford
Turned up, clocked on, laid off, Neil. Done about 4 months full-time work in the last 4 years, but I do enough bits and pieces to make sure I’m not a burden on the poor old state.
Since you asked for it, then:
THE UNEMPLOYMENT LIST
If God had meant for us to work
Then I’m sure he would have given us jobs …
Sign on you crazy diamond (A Lilac)
Now he’s working in a job with a future. He hands me my Giro every two weeks (DPAK)
They all went down the Social and they claimed their Supplementary (Nerys)
Unemployment’s rising in the Chigley end of town
And it’s spreading like pneumonia
Doesn’t look like going down (Trumpton)
Watch out world I’m a man at ease …. Turned up, clocked on, laid off…. I can’t cope….
Old Lady, you labelled me an idle layabout (A.C.P.)
On board the Enterprise Allowance Scheme … (Melkweg)
Does it hang in the air at the Re-start interview ? (On Reaching the Wensum)
New Deal, it’s all my arse (on reaching the Wensum)
…us poor actors are out of work
For 90%of the time
Yes of course I must have missed you
At the Job Club yesterday
Maybe you were signing on
Or finding out about free school meals (Soft Verges)
I ain’t got a job….. I’ll not be taken on board at this present moment in time (ITMA)
I blew my Giro on debts and essentials (Split Single)
Sign on with no hope in your heart (Friday night)
2 December 2010
Neil G
The poor old state? Fuck the state, Charles. Fuck it till it’s sore then pour petrol on it and set it alight. Watch until it turns black and crispy, then scrunch it up and scatter its ashes to the wind so that it can’t somehow be rejuvenated. Then watch carefully that another one does not rise up in its place. If it does, crush it mercilessly. I’m not a great lover of the state.
2 December 2010
Mr Larrington
Don’t worry, Neil, there won’t be a state left by this time next year. The gubbinsment will have sold it all to property developers.
3 December 2010
John Anderson
“In bed again, can’t be bothered getting up.
Swing the lead again.
I’m still waiting for the man for Camelot
Telling me that I’ve won the Lottery.”
3 December 2010
Lee’s Twenty-first
@Charles and your list of phrases to introduce the instrumental break:
Let me hear you spell Wilmslow – 24HGP (Peel session)
6 January 2011
Compton Mopho
Checked out both Nick Knowles and Neil Morrissey links. Lasted 90 agonising seconds with Knowles, a paltry 22 with Morrissey. If they played them in Guantanamo nobody would bat an eyelid about waterboarding
30 January 2011
Compton Mopho
In fact, I’ll go as far as to say that I rank the Nick Knowles cacophany the 2nd worst song ever to assault my tender auricles
31 January 2011
Charles Exford
I was on a journey, exploring my issues with authority, like you do…
[yeah, yeah, yeah]
…probably in need of closure, you know how it is…
[yeah, right]
…when it struck me that the Compleat Workes of Blackwell depict enough clerics to fill a medium-size cathedral, enough of the police and judiciary to prevent any sort of real justice ever getting done, and as for other assorted authority figures, well …how many would you like? See the lists below. But if it sometimes seems that his quill lampoons as broad a spectrum of English society as anyone else’s since frickin’ Dickens, well how about some stuff you can’t make a list of? Does anyone else find it interesting that in 167 songs spanning nearly three quarters of all known Englishness, you can hardly find any references to compulsory education: schools, teachers, etc? Or is it just me (as usual)? Such a rich topic for English satire through the ages, and surely richly deserving of post-punk ire. Yet there’s hardly anything, except for the schoolwork and the mocks of ‘Dean Friedman’, and the only school-related authority figure referred to is that art teacher, together with a passing mention of Ms. McVeigh and her school choir in ‘Letters Sent’. I’ve probably missed something else but there isn’t much.
Yes there are colleges, the local polytechnic, foundation courses, his varsity gal, wardens and admissions tutors who will be picked off from the belltower. But of primary and secondary school contexts, practically zilch.
Anyway, those lists I promised …
MURDER IN THE CATHEDRAL
Six vicars strumming (Upon Westminster Bridge)
…I’m the clergy… (Bogus Official)
Yonder the deacon in misguided trousers (WBTV)
Murder the verger (With Goth)
The pope (Vatican Broadside)
A pain in the dioceses (Faithlift)
In pulpits …preach naked from the waist downwards …in cloisters …Reverend …Jesus (Ecclesiastical Perks)
Reverend Jim Jones bedspread (A Lilac…)
The rural dean lay inert in his John 3:16 shirt (Christian Rock…)
The sexton’s wife from the best-kept village (Vitus G)
…monastic …papal entourage (This Leaden Pall)
A melancholy emblem of parish cruelty (Bad Review)
A.C.A.B.
Tell PC McGarry to get himself a mate
And arm themselves with CS gas (Trumpton…)
Yeah OK I had a Kojak mac
By Christ they were trendy at the time
I got it into my head that I had to stamp out crime (Venus…)
North Staffs Police (M6-ster)
The magistrate he was a mate of a mate (Mate of the Bloke…)
Come see the townsfolk keenly gathered round the gibbet (PRS)
Nice policeman …Panda (Ecclesiastical Perks)
When you’ve been arrested for defacing the bridge (Twydale…)
And I wonder if they’ll bring back National Service and the birch (Rod Hull…)
According to my sentence (DBT)
Arrested in connection with “Annoying The Nation” …co-operating with police and government officials …those already charged include… (Breaking News)
Screws not happy… association… he’d only been locked up for public nuisance offences (NSD)
I asked the judge what might be my time
Twenty years on the RC Mountain Line (Worried Man Blues)
Arrested at Cowes robbing yachts (Tonight, Matthew…)
Copper (Whiteness…)
The maverick cops with their average flasks (…Valium…)
THE POWERS THAT BE
Someone get a message through to Captain Snort
That they’d better start assembling the boys from the fort…
…all this aristocracy has really got to stop
…our autocratic Mayor (Trumpton…)
A tyrannical loon (Song for Europe)
…if the army is not on standby …Pharoah’s wife (…Valium…)
I’m Measures and Weights (Bogus Official)
Eleven chairmen dancing …nine stewards flapping (Upon…)
Me and the ombudsman (When The Evening Sun…)
Bruiser McHuge (…‘Roids)
Paramedics, police, authorised and holy (…Hi-Vis)
The public sector leader …the gutsy Lady Mayoress (Deep House…)
Typical warlord (…Bubblewrap)
A merciless despot (A Lilac Harry Quinn)
The mayoral frown (Vitus G)
Chief Executive (ITMA)
and doubtless many, many more…
2 February 2011
Neil G
That’s a very interesting observation, Charles. It is difficult to see what is not there, if you know what I mean. I am sure if I had the skills of NB, school would be very much in the firing line. I hated it with a passion. I hate it now, from a moral point of view. I recommend Murray Rothbard’s For a New Liberty: The Libertarian Manifesto. Chapter 11 is on Education. It tears apart compulsory state education and expresses more or less all my feelings on the matter, including that school is effectively daily prison. If you’re interested, you can download the book here: http://mises.org/rothbard/foranewlb.pdf
Even if you’re not interested, it’s still there.
3 February 2011
Third Rate Les
I’m with you on the Rothbard Neil G, but teachers are too easy a target. Opinionated weather forecasters might seem like an odd one, but actually a society where weather forecasters seem to suggest we should all react to weather in the same way is a society with a disturbing belief in uniformity.
3 February 2011
Vendor of Quack Nostrums
Can’t disagree with the proposition that NB57 has very little school based vitriol on which to vent his spleen. I can think of only 4 lyrics to add to a general list headed ‘Education: schools and teachers’.
We all knew someone at primary school
Who had a very powerful magnet. (Asparagus)
A room full of drama teachers listening to Bjork (Breaking News)
I could be tugging on the beard of science
Like a cheeky schoolboy (Floreat)
Ofsted plaudits (Chatteris)
And none of these is particularly critical anyway, merely mentioning an education related topic in passing.
3 February 2011
John Burscough
Yes, and friends at school were very much thin on the ground too.
29 March 2011
Charlie, E …
No racing today so I’m spoiling Good Friday with some lists. First of all a list which overlaps on the sports and sporting venues lists above.
GAMBLING
Pulled-up at Bangor-on-Dee
Waiting for them to weigh in at Newton Abbott
Placepot Uttoxter
When your horse leads the field in the 1st furlong of the national
3 from each section on the fixed odds coupon
Monmore hare’s running
The Man from Camelot telling me that I’ve won the lottery
Cash-back foot spa. Straight down Ladbrokes.
And we’ve lready touched on this above, but other places with racecourses named in Biscuit songs are: Warwick,Chester, York, Salisbury, Redcar, Fakenham, Cartmel, Nottingham, Hereford, Dundalk, Ayr (as not in Point of Ayr on I,Trog) and Bath (if it’s “a walk in Bath” rather than “a walk-in bath”. After all, if you need a walk-in bath, your Blue Badge is probably kosher).
DRINK
(unlike all me other lists which were all compiled in one single read-through of the entire lyrics on a rainy Sunday last October, this one is off the top of me head today, so will doubtless be somewhat incomplete. Pubs and bars will be a separate list.)
Cider (Tour jacket)
Snakebite (With Goth)
Weak lager (Foreskinny)
A swig of Jack Daniel’s (Fretwork)
“I’ll have a pint for myself and a pint for the ex-MC5” (Get Kramer)
Drank a crate of Beck’s (Quad)
Watney (Rod Hull)
Fired by wine (27yards)
Wine-maddened Pentheus (Trad Arr)
What he believd to be wine (RSVP)
Drinking a classic red (Evil G)
Drinks bill (Shropshire)
Drunk in the tented village (Christian)
Drank to much again (Country)
…offered both of them a drink
And a drink and a drink and a drink.
Come the hour of four they were legless to be sure… (Arthur’s Farm)
Anything under 5% (and all of CAMRA man)
You drink too much Oranjeboom (Left Lyrics)
He’s pissed and he’s boring & he’s telling me all about the man in black (L’enfer)
CONTROLLED SUBSTANCES
Speeding out of Trumpton with a cargo of cocaine
I get high when I’m the pilot of a plane
Touching down in Camberwick I’m stoned out of my brain
Under bridges, over bridges, to our destination
Careful with that spliff Eugene, it causes condensation
…
Gonna get me syringes out and crank up once again (Time Flies by)
Do some serious drugs (Melkweg)
The coke was coke and the tongue was forked (Christian Rock)
With Peter Grummitt as an acid casualty (Let’s not)
Marijuana bores (Vagaries)
The Charlie in Bali (Shropshire)
Cokeheads, cokeheads (Improv)
Does your heroin lose its flavour (NY Skiffle)
Where the cocaine is fair trade … but the beak in Leek is weak
That tab you gave me (Ready Steady Goa)
The drugs hell, the drinks bill (Shropshire)
LEGAL SUBSTANCES
Haliborange (Sealclubing)
My pills …milk of magnesia (1966)
Medicine ….I need pills (Turned Up)
He who would valium take
Vitamin C (Soft Verges)
Homeopathic cures (Restless)
Sudafed (Restless)
Tablets & pills (DBT)
Quack nostrums (Vendor)
Powdered Peruvian bark (Sunshine)
Laudanum (Ode to Joyce …well it was legal in the golden age of the ode anyway)
The ‘roids
Bisodol (Tommy Walsh)
NON-ORGANIC VEGETABLES
(all from ANL unless stated)
asparagus
broad beans
new potatoes
aubergines
rhubarb
onions (3rd track, main camera)
allotments (This Leaden Pall)
mashed potato (Len Ganley)
beans (Venus)
bean bags (Orme)
JUICY FRUIT
I just stuck an apple in my face (The best things in life)
I don’t normally like tomatoes, John (Bob Todd)
apple in my eye gor blimey (Carry On.)
peaches on their cornflakes (Reasons)
lemon … lime(ade) (Pancake day)
figs (A Country Practice)
apricot (Foreskinny)
(halib)orange (Sealclubbing)
pick you own strawberries (Uffington)
plum tomatoes (ANL)
the fruit from a well-tended banana tree (Carry On.)
OTHER TREES
Larch (Numanoid)
Oak (Evil Gazebo)
Pine(s) (in three different songs)
The tree of tranquility (Problem Chimp)
22 April 2011
Bobby String
“Foreskinny” Mr. E…? Is that a Freudian slip or have you been drinking too much of a classic red bottled by a medal winning estate on the banks of the Garonne?
Also, under the controlled substances section there seems to be a couple of glaring omission, namely:
“Pumped full of smack and with more to inject” – £24.99 From Argos
“The Drake and the super glue” – A Shropshire Lad (because glue can be sniffed and you can’t just buy it off the shelf any more, so it’s sort of controlled)
Nitpicking…me? 😆
Ô¿Ô
23 April 2011
Bobby String
P.S. Would it be stretching the point too far if I asked for “Sylvian and Fripp discuss whippets” to be included in gambling, or are whippets not used for racing?
Ô¿Ô
23 April 2011
Charlie, E …
Cheers Bobby – how could I forget the smack from Argos? Silly me.
I’m not sure that superglue itself has the right sort of solvents in it for sniffin’ glue, but I’m willing to wager that some unofficial betting probably still takes place around the noble sport of whippet racing. I think it used to be a big gambling sport in 19th century UK and in Ireland before independence. If anything’s going to revive it, then it’ll surely be “a combination of Sylvian’s deep, powerful lyrics and Fripp’s experimental guitar loopery”.
23 April 2011
Bobby String
Perhaps old Moody Chops Sylvian and long suffering Toyah spouse Fripp could get together and do a cover of Monmore, Hare’s Running in an attempt to revive the aforementioned noble sport? They could wear ‘Ecky Thump’ type flat caps for maximum effect (rather than slumping in the corner).
By the way, I should point out, lest there be any confusion over Charlie’s above post, to the best of my knowledge you cannot purchase heroin or any other controlled substance for any price at Argos, though you can probably do so in the alleyway behind some of their stores. That said, if you did buy some smack from Argos and kept your receipt, you could probably get a refund if it failed to deliver the expected high, they’re good like that.
Ô¿Ô
24 April 2011
Bobby String
There’s nothing better to relieve boredom than list making, except perhaps rampant horny sex I suppose. Anyway, in the absence of the latter, I set about the former and decided to make a lisf of other things that the initials ‘HMHB’ might stand for. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:
Her Majesty’s Hair Brush
Helen Mirren’s Hoover Bags
Harry’s Magic Hovering Boots
Help Me Hear Better
Hairy Mike’s Half Brother
Hail Mary, Hallé Berry
Harold MacMillan Hated Belgians
Henry Mancini Hates Beans
Home Made Hash Browns
Hot Mustard Heals Bedsores
1 May 2011
Bobby String
P.S. A nice on-topic one:
Honved Mania Hits Budapest
Ô¿Ô
1 May 2011
Jeff Dreadnought
And Black Lace Can’t Sue: The Songs That Inspired The Songs
I know we’ve had lists of bands, Beatles references and stuff already, but I’ve found a new way to while away the quiet moments at work: compiling a list of songs alluded to or referenced in the songs of Half Man Half Biscuit. I’ve made some of this into a playlist on my jog-proof MP3 player: it lurches bewilderingly from the ridiculous to the sublime and back. Some Ronnie Boyce long shots included, and doubtless the odd Ronnie Rosenthal open goal missed. Also, I’ve listed song and artist (best-known, most likely or earliest recording), rather than song and writer, composer, etc., so a special mention here to Ralph Vaughan Williams (Lark Ascending); Thomas Tallis (Lamentations of Jeremiah); the burly physio of non-league Farnborough Town (Standing in the Road); and of course Trad. Arr., on which some of the best tunes in this playlist were built.
Ed’s Note: List now superseded by the update below
2 June 2011
Third Rate Les
Surely it’s Lamentations of Jeremiah by Thomas Tallis?
And I was going to correct you on “while away” (rather than “wile away”) but Google says you can have both, so it must be true.
Looks like everything except The Armoury Show’s entire back catalogue though – good work.
2 June 2011
Gregg Z
Mr. Dreadnought:
Superb stuff. Wonder if we could count both “Bridal Chorus” (Wagner) and “Funeral March” (Chopin), brilliantly blended together on “R.S.V.P” from the Radio Sessions
2 June 2011
Gregg Z
Re: “The Songs that inspired the Songs” by Jeff Dreadnought
How about the snippet of “War Pigs” by Black Sabbath in the middle of “Left Lyrics in the Practice Room”? (Radio Sessions)
3 June 2011
Jeff Dreadnought
Les: that song by The Sixteen, Lamentations of Jeremiah, was indeed penned by Thomas Tallis, but I decided to list artists that recorded the songs, rather than composers.
Gregg: You’re right, I neglected a few classical tunes such as the ones you mention, and of course Beethoven’s Ode To Joy, which makes an appearance on £24.99 From Argos.
And spotter’s badge for War Pigs by Black Sabbath, that has to go in.
3 June 2011
Mr Larrington
“Wade In The Water” is deffo a Trad Arr but kudps for getting Eva Cassidy onto the list.
3 June 2011
Neil G
Gregg Z and Jeff Dreadnought,
The snippet in ‘Left Lyrics In The Practice Room’ is not War Pigs but the first track from the first album. The band, the album and the track are all called ‘Black Sabbath’.
3 June 2011
Jeff Dreadnought
I doff my cap to you Neil G, many thanks. Black Sabbath by Black Sabbath it is, then.
You’re right about Wade in the Water, Mr Larrington. Plumped for the Eva Cassidy to give the playlist some added kudos.
3 June 2011
Jeff Dreadnought
Oh, and news that Spurs have just signed Brad Friedel reminds me that You’re The One That I Want (Travolta/Newton-John) should be in there, too.
3 June 2011
Third Rate Les
they’re the ones that they want
and obviously There Is Nothing Like A Dame was from South Pacific, not morecambe and wise, but you knew that. I sang in that in the sixth form with Krishnan Gurumurthy off the news, don’t you know.
3 June 2011
Neil G
Jeff Dreadnought,
I have an overlooked song for you. Temporary Secretary by Paul McCartney, from ITMA. I don’t normally like McCartney, Jeff, but this is delicious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdTs-iLBKME
3 June 2011
TWO FAT FEET
The selection criteria probably warrant that the Shoop Shoop Shong should be listed as the Cher version.
3 June 2011
Third Rate Les
Jeff – what about “You’re 16, You’re Beautiful And You’re Mine”.
By the Sherman brothers, sung by Johnny Burnette and later Ringo Starr.
(see also that Charles and Chris The Siteowner have a post above about Beatles references which already spotted that one).
I was at Thorpe Park today waiting for my kids to finish on Stealth (I am now too old for these – I could feel my brain slamming around the inside of my skull) and that one came on.
Also interesting to see that the Ringo Starr version has the interjection “ah play that thing Randy”. I wondered if that was where “regain it for me Rodney” came from, but maybe that’s a bit obscure.
4 June 2011
John Burscough
Ah, the Sherman Brothers, writers of the music for ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’, ‘Mary Poppins’, ‘The Jungle Book’, etc etc.
On the minus side, they also wrote most of the Disney theme park songs.
All together now: “It’s a Small World After All…”
6 June 2011
Paul F
How many HMHB fans will be responding to the request in the penultimate paragraph of this week’s Knowledge in the Guardian?
Ed’s Note – Done.
29 June 2011
Arthur Lowe
I’ve been browsing through these exhaustive and impressive lists and didn’t notice any follow up to rob’s list of TV programmes on 13th June 2010. In an attempt to prove my credentials, or my ability to waste time or something, here’s some additional ones that surely won’t impress anyone:
Trumpton
Chigley
Camberwick (Green)
Hadleigh
Jim’ll Fix It
The Phil Silvers Show (or Bilko, as we all call it)
Little & Large
Doctor Who
A Country Practice
Sons and Daughters
The Crystal Maze
Daktari
Cadfael
Ross Kemp on..
Tommy Walsh’s Eco House
Looks Familiar
Oh No, It’s Selwyn Froggitt!
Kojak
Countdown
Crossroads
The Late Show
Blockbusters
Stars in Their Eyes
Comic Relief
Sports Personality of the Year
Carry On… (films I know, but there was a couple of TV series in the 70’s. And also the pointless Carry On Laughing comps)
Ally McBeal
Sex in the City
Apologies if any of these have already been posted, or there’s a TV reference thread all on its own that I’ve missed.
29 June 2011
John Anderson
@Arthur Lowe
What is the “Oh No, It’s Selwyn Froggitt!” reference?
18 July 2011
Rubber Faced Irritant
Mr Dreadnought – terrific stuff. Apologies for a tardy suggestion. But is Umpa Umpa (Stick it up Your Jumper) by The Two Leslies allowed? This refrain is also sung in the fade out of I Am The Walrus.
18 July 2011
Arthur Lowe
“Well done Private Anderson. I was just waiting to see who’d be the first to spot that one.”
That was my very best Captain Mainwaring impersonation. I can assure you all it was rubbish.
Of course, there’s no reference to Bill Maynard’s finest hour in the NB songbook. When I first posted the list, I threw Selwyn in as a gag, just so I could say the above when the error was spotted. I now realise just how drastically unfunny and unclever the whole idea was. I could’ve done with a “Do you think that’s wise?” bit of advice in my ear when I was typing it up. I knew by signing in as Arthur Lowe I’d end up trying to get that line in. Just as well there’s no posters called Pike.
Apologies for misleading the group. I realise accuracy is the key here, not tomfoolery.
While I’m about, and in a desperate attempt to save some face, I’ll swap “Oh No, It’s Selwyn the Imposter” for “Late Lunch”. A very poor substitute, in my opinion.
“Magic, our Maurice!”
……okay, okay, I’m leaving…………….
19 July 2011
Jeff Dreadnought
Good spot, Irritant. In go The Two Leslies. Cheers for that. And while we’re at it, I also seem to have overlooked Johnny Cash’s Folsom Prison Blues.
19 July 2011
Jeff Dreadnought
I was delighted to find a reference to Neil “Razor” Ruddock in Rock and Roll is Full of Bad Wools. It makes a welcome addition to my latest list, which I’ve been working on for some time, entitled “Present and Former Spurs Players Mentioned in The Songs”. At the moment, I’ve got:
Garth Crooks
Brad Friedel
Neil “Razor” Ruddock
Can anyone think of any others?
27 September 2011
Charles Exford
Err, Gazza ?
27 September 2011
Jeff Dreadnought
Blimey – that was an obvious one. Not sure how I managed to leave him out. A miss of Torresesque proportions.
27 September 2011
Charles Exford
While I’m here Jeff, I have to quibble with your inclusion of Sheriff Fatman on that list above. There’s surely no way NB57 would have released a song with the ‘Enterprise Allowance’ line in if he’d known that Carter had already done a similar (but not the same) reference. Carter’s song was I think originally released before HMHB’s but it got very little attention or airplay until its re-release after HMHB had written theirs.
Quips about being beamed up (etc etc) to the ‘Enterprise Allowance Shceme’ were common in the 80s before either song I’m sure, like ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ jokes or whatever, so it doesn’t really matter who was first, but it just seems unlikely that NB57 would quote another decent contemporary group’s work in what would be an unprecedented way. When he quotes relatively contemporary stuff it is almost always as pisstake.
27 September 2011
Jeff Dreadnought
In other breaking news, I’ve added Echo Beach by Martha & The Muffins (and some other previous omissions) to the And Black Lace Can’t Sue list, which now reads:
A Country Practice – Half Man Half Biscuit
A Nightingale Sang In Berkeley Square – Nat King Cole
A-Tisket A-Tasket – Ella Fitzgerald
Agadoo – Black Lace
All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth – Spike Jones And His City Slickers
American Pie – Don McLean (not Don Maclean)
Back In The USSR – The Beatles
Bette Davis Eyes – Kim Karnes
Bird On The Wire – Leonard Cohen
Black Betty – Lead Belly
Black Is Black – La Belle Epoque
Boom Bang-a-Bang – Lulu
Carrie Ann – The Hollies
Carrie – Cliff Richard
Cemetery Gates – The Smiths
Cokane In My Brain – Dillinger
Dancing Queen – ABBA
Day In The Life – The Beatles
Dear Prudence – The Beatles
Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It Flavour On The Bedpost Overnight? – Lonnie Donegan And His Skiffle Group
Echo Beach – Martha & The Muffins
Eileen Barton – If I Knew You Were Coming I’d Have Baked A Cake
Excerpt From A Teenage Opera – Keith West
Float On – The Floaters
From The Indies To The Andes In His Undies – Hoosier Hot Shots
Get Off The Stage – Morrissey
Gimme Shelter – Rolling Stones
Hello This Is Joanie – Paul Evans
Helter Skelter – The Beatles
I Don’t Believe You Want To Get Up And Dance (oops) – The Gap Band
I Left My Heart In San Francisco – Tony Bennett
I Scream You Scream We All Scream For Ice Cream – Walter Williams
I Will Always Love You – Whitney Houston
I’m Keeping Two Chevrons Apart – Half Man Half Biscuit
If I Had Possession Over Judgment Day – Robert Johnson
Jake The Peg – Rolf Harris
Kick Out The Jams – MC5
Lady Maisry – Mark T.
Lamentations of Jeremiah – The Sixteen
Let Your Light Shine On Me – Blind Willie Johnson
Lido Shuffle – Boz Scaggs
Lilac Wine – Elkie Brooks
Lucky Stars – Dean Friedman & Denise Marsa
Maria – Jim Bryant
Morningtown Ride – The Seekers
Mustang Sally – Wilson Pickett
My Grandfather’s Clock – Johnny Cash
My Oh My – Sad Café
Oh Carol – Neil Sedaka
Oh! Mr Porter – Marie Lloyd
Oom-Pah-Pah – Shani Wallis
Peggy Sue – Buddy Holly
Radio Gaga – Queen
Reasons To Be Cheerful, Part 3 – Ian Dury And The Blockheads
Rock Island Line – Lead Belly
See That My Grave Is Kept Clean – Blind Lemon Jefferson
She’ll Be Coming Round The Mountain – Ramblin’ Tommy Scott
Sheriff Fatman – Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine
Shine On You Crazy Diamond – Pink Floyd
Standing In The Road – Blackfoot Sue
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious – Julie Andrews & Dick Van Dyke
Temporary Secretary – Paul McCartney
The Bonnie Banks O’ Loch Lomond – Martha Tilton
The Clapping Song – Shirley Ellis
The End – The Doors
The Hippopotamus Song – Flanders & Swann
The Lark Ascending – London Philharmonic Orchestra
The Man With The Child In His Eyes – Kate Bush
The Real Slim Shady – Eminem
The Shoop Shoop Song – Betty Everett
There Ain’t Nothing Like A Dame – Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise
This Land Is Your Land – Woody Guthrie
Tiptoe Through The Tulips – Nick Lucas
Travelling Riverside Blues – Robert Johnson
Trumpton Riots – Half Man Half Biscuit
Wade In The Water – Eva Cassidy
We Built This City On Rock And Roll – Jefferson Starship
With God On Our Side – Bob Dylan
Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong
Yellow Submarine – The Beatles
You’re 16, You’re Beautiful and You’re Mine – Ringo Starr
You’re The Reason Why Paradise Lost – Half Man Half Biscuit
27 September 2011
Jeff Dreadnought
@Charles – Hmm. You may have a point there about Carter USM. OK, they’ll be deleted from the next published edition of the list. And from the Spotify playlist currently in progress.
27 September 2011
Charles Exford
Nice one Geoff.
Oh – and how could we forget that after the number one success of his band’s ‘Seven Tears’, Alan Brazil was tempted by a number of lucrative offers and scored 9 goals in his one season at Spurs.
27 September 2011
Jeff Dreadnought
Ouch. Another chance goes begging as Ronnie Rosenthal, this time, slices hopelessly wide with the goal at his mercy.
Spotters badge, Exxo.
27 September 2011
Jeff Dreadnought
So the new, updated “Present and Former Spurs Players Mentioned in The Songs” list now reads:
Alan Brazil
Gazza
Garth Crooks
Brad Friedel
Neil “Razor” Ruddock
I knew this one would have legs.
27 September 2011
Charles Exford
Since you mention Rosenthal, you could actually put him in the squad if you get desperate, along with the post-apocalyptic Allens (Clive and Paul), third rate Les (Ferdinand), Bale (-ing wire)…
…Chas ‘n’ Dave have played at the Lane a few times …. as I’m sure has Baddiel in the odd charity match. Which reminds me, doesn’t that one about Baddiel mention ‘Anderton’ if you listen carefully?
Manager: Pleat, obviously.
I’m sure the crowd would quite happily sing ‘Bob Wilson, Anchorman.’
Sorry. I’m always like this when I’ve got stuff to do.
27 September 2011
Jeff Dreadnought
So we’ve got Brad Friedel in goal: Razor Ruddock and (Ledley) King (Of High Vis) at the back; Bale (ing wire) and Anderton (making one last appearance before changing career and becoming a lollipop man) playing as wing backs; Paul Allen and Gazza in midfield; and Alan Brazil, Crooksy, Clive Allen, and Third-Rate Les Ferdinand up front. Chas, Dave and David Baddiel on the bench. Magic.
28 September 2011
John Burscough
A few more updates from 90B(C) for the And Black Lace Can’t Sue list (the first two making second appearances)
Dark Was The Night, Cold Was The Ground – Blind Willie Johnson
I Walk The Line – Johnny Cash
Black Betty – Ram Jam
My My Hey Hey (Out of the Blue) – Neil Young
And a couple referenced in Tour Jacket wiith Detachable Sleeves:
Sylvia – Focus
Karn Evil 9 First Impression – ELP
29 September 2011
Jeff Dreadnought
Good work, John, many thanks. All slated for inclusion in the next release, except for Black Betty as I’ve already gone with Leadbelly on that one.
29 September 2011
John Burscough
@Emerging From Gorse: There’s getting on for 27 yards of thread here, so apologies if I’ve missed any previous mention of Man (Welsh Rockers) in the lists of namechecked bands.
4 October 2011
Third Rate Les
John – presume you mean Folsom Prison Blues rather than I Walk The Line?
yours pissed and boringly…
5 October 2011
Jeff Dreadnought
There are references to both I Walk the Line and Folsom Prison Blues in “the Johnny Cash song”.
5 October 2011
John Burscough
I keep a wristwatch on this arm of mine, I keep my flies wide open all the time…
6 October 2011
JEGSY
The Wirral Globe wouldn’t publish a recent letter I sent them so here it is:
Sir,
Some of the young Japanese tourists often look quite disappointed when I drop them back off at ‘Woodside Felly’ after giving them the Half Man Half Biscuit Wirral (‘Wiwa’) tour in my cab. I don’t think it’s the tour itself – ‘Cammell Rairds, Plenton Park, A552, Stapredon Woods, Dee Estualy’ and much, much more. It’s more the look of ‘anti-crimax’ on their faces at the end; they have little sense of what to do afterwards. They’ve usually done the ‘Beaters’ tour and museum over the water as an hors d’oeuvre, and they can’t believe that ‘Wiwa’ Borough Council haven’t yet commissioned a decent HMHB museum, which ideally would be located dockside or at the ‘felly’ terminal. They often point out that ‘Riverpoo’ museums contain infinitely more of the band’s ‘memorabiria’ than those on the Wirral itself, and although they have always been awed to see those hand-written JDOG ‘rylics’, they righfully expect to see a lot more this side of the ‘liver’. They often ask where they can buy ‘commelolative tea towers’ or ‘Eviw Gazebo gof tees’ as presents for folks back home. Nowhere I tell them, unless their visit happens to coincide with a rare gig by the band, in which case I point them in the direction of ‘Holmfilth’, ‘Grasgow’ or wherever.
In the meantime I’m taking a group of HMHB-obsessed stuydents from Nagasaki next week on the first long-distance HMHB walking holiday, with the full blessing and support of the Offa’s Dyke Tourism Agency.
The route will proceed via:
Gwent
‘Lord Helliford’s Knob’
Hay-on-Wye
‘Montgomelly’
Chirk
Bangor-on-Dee
Hope
‘Roggerheads’
‘The Crwydian Hills’
As a finale, our group has been asked to ‘Plestatyn’, where we will be given a full civic welcome by Mayor Young himself.
Think on, Wirral beaurocrats. As usual, far slower than your peers eslsewhere to see the true economic and cultural potential that lies on your own doorstep.
It seemed appropriate to publish this heartfelt letter in your ‘lists’ thread because, as the Japanese fans have pointed out, the new album has made The Offa’s Dyke path the first long-distance footpath anywhere in the world to give access to ten separate sites of outstanding natural biscuitry.
14 October 2011
iffy voice
PUBS
The Black Horse
The Brown Cow
The Plough
The Bannister & Shamrock
The Rose & Crown
The Falcon
The Swan
The Queens Arse & Firkin
NOT PUBS
The Horse & Hound
OTHER DRINKING ESTABLISHMENTS
The pub that gets the cemetery trade
Camden boozer
Going to the pub on a Saturday night
18 October 2011
Third Rate Les
The one hosting Curry Night
And the Queens up the road
18 October 2011
John Burscough
Presumably the room festooned with fat beef certificates from county shows in which Duff Leg Bryn has drunk too much again is on licensed premises.
Even if it isn’t, this is my 100th post (surging ahead of Federal Metronome) so I’ve got some end of the century party preparations to be getting on with.
18 October 2011
Charles Exford
Because The Queen’s (note apostrophe) is ‘up the road’ from the one with Curry Night, which clearly hosts a regular curry night, the un-named pub has to be either The Mersey Clipper or The Halfway House. I’d bet on the former as it has live music most nights, the latter only at weekends. Plus NB57 has (allegedly) slagged off the beer at the latter during a bit of live improv, so surely the verse is set in The Clipper.
18 October 2011
Vendor of Quack Nostrums
The one in which you want Dave and Barbara to refer you to the blackboard.
18 October 2011
Third Rate Les
That’s good knowledge Exxo. The Mersey Clipper it is then. And Queen’s, with apostrophe.
Also – the pub that’s got the ballpond for the kids
18 October 2011
Third Rate Les
And more generally in drinking establishments, you could include the Hot Air Balloon. That also obviously falls into the “NOT PUB” category.
Plus, of course, the bar in which Third Rate Les has gone just a little too far.
18 October 2011
John Burscough
The Met Bar
The Groucho
18 October 2011
Charles Exford
In fact no apostrophe at the Queen’s Arms these days. They certainly had one when I used to do my under-age drinking there. Allegedly. Let’s complain.
Decent pic, so by zooming in you can see that this Saturday’s music is still TBA.
I note that this does set the song firmly on a Saturday night, but I’m still thinking that the other pub has to be The Clipper. No Google images are available for The Clipper, in case you wondered. Its ugly frontage has caused the falure of many a photographic apparatus and anyway putting its picture here might cause the whole site to crash.
As for which pub Dave & Barbara worked at, I suggest a trip to this week’s Wirral Beer Festival (October 20th-22nd) where the local CAMRA-men can be quizzed on the matter. TBA might even be on.
18 October 2011
John Burscough
Nice.
18 October 2011
Vendor of Quack Nostrums
The pub where a pub band who get uppity when everyone goes to the bar during a song they’ve written themselves play.
I’ve a feeling that this one could run and run.
18 October 2011
John Anderson
The one in which he gets all emotional and says “I tell you what, that baby’s changed my life.”
19 October 2011
iffy voice
surely that’s the same pub that has the ballpond for the kids
20 October 2011
John Burscough
Another possible for the And Black Lace Can’t Sue list: Please Mr Postman – The Marvelettes (“Well stop, wait a minute Mr Spokesman”, SAFP).
25 October 2011
iffy voice
i found another pub
Duke Of Marlborough
26 October 2011
Jeff Dreadnought
It’s been suggested elsewhere on thIs Project – quite reasonably – that the And Black Lace Can’t Sue playlist above should credit the original writers of the songs, not just the artists who made them popular to a certain generation. It’s a fair point.
And, realising that the somewhat arbitrary nature of the criteria for inclusion on the ABLCS playlist would leave the list purists sorely irked, I’ve spent many a sleepless night wondering whether to include the theme tune from Mr Benn, for instance, or classical pieces such as The Wedding March from Wagner’s Lohengrin.
But really I just thought it would be funny to have a playlist, juxtaposing the likes of Black Lace with the likes of Blind Lemon Jefferson, that you could actually put together and listen to. So I chose the most readily available version of each song, which meant going for the most obvious (to me, anyway) or amusing (to me, anyway) artist. Which is why Eric and Ernie get the credit for There Ain’t Nothing Like A Dame, and Eva Cassidy’s version of Wade In The Water is preferred to the original version, first published in New Jubilee Songs As Sung By The Jubilee Fisk Singers.
28 October 2011
Charles Exford
Yes I’d forgotten your very first sentence back (above) in June, Jeff, where you mentioned that it was meant as a playlist. Ah well, forget my suggestion then – if you’re going to have to suffer listening to all that lot, you poor old masochist you, you might as well have whatever version you like!
28 October 2011
Chris the Siteowner
Did a Spotify playlist ever get made? And is it collaborative, so we can add anything new which emerges blinking from the gorse?
28 October 2011
Jeff Dreadnought
Coming right up, Chris
28 October 2011
2 Chevrons
Now that Jimmy Saville’s season ticket is left to gather dust, I thought I’d check to see how many of those referenced on ‘Back in the D.H.S.S.’ are still clinging on to their’s. Individuals are in (I think) order of their mention on the album, I have left Nigel and Neil off the list for nothing more than not wanting to curse them by association. Birth dates included for anyone with a morbid fascination. Feel free to correct – but here goes …
Una Stubbs (born 1 May 1937)
Syd Little (born 19 Dec 1942)
Eddie Large (born 25 Jun 1942)
Keith Harris (born 21 Sep 1947)
Wendy Craig (born 20 Jun 1934)
Matthew Kelly (born 9 May 1950)
Lionel Blair (born 12 Dec 1931)
Bobby Charlton (born 11 Oct 1937)
John Noakes (born 6 Mar 1934)
Lesley Judd (born 20 Dec 1946)
Nerys Hughes (born 8 Nov 1941)
Robert Powell (born 1 Jun 1944)
Lech Walesa (born 29 Sep 1943)
Precious McKenzie (born 6 Jun 1936)
Val Singleton (born 9 Apr 1937)
Stevie Nicks * (born 26 May 1948)
Miriam Stoppard (born 12 May 1937)
Jane Scott **
Albert Hammond (born 18 May 1942)
Brian Cant (born 12 July 1933)
Robin Askwith (born 12 Oct 1950)
Bert Trautmann (born 22 Oct 1923)
* included for those who think the line in FHIFT relates to the Fleetwood Mac warbler
** understand this is a reference to a dating agency. I don’t know whether the Jane Scott existed or not
Also, looked up Jimmy Clitheroe for details of ‘the son of’. None mentioned, but HMHB were …
29 October 2011
New York Skiffler
2 Chevrons – you’ve missed a big one:
Dean Friedman (born 23rd May 1955)
20 December 2011
SPENCER THE HALFWIT
Deano wasn’t on that album. Meta-pedantry?
20 December 2011
Poolio
Shamelessly lifted from this website:
http://www.goalkeepersaredifferent.com/keeper/facts.htm
Is the following list:
Goalkeepers Name Checked by Half Man Half Bisuit
Luis Arconada Emerging From Gorse
Joel Bats Emerging From Gorse
Joseph-Antoine Bell Emerging From Gorse
George Farm 1966 An All That
Brad Friedel I Went to a Wedding…
Peter Grummit Let’s Not
Jean Marie Pfaff Emerging From Gorse
Mart Poom Left Lyrics in the Practice Room
Bob Wilson Bob Wilson, Anchorman
Lev Yashin 1966 An All That
Dino Zoff The Referee’s Alphabet
Andoni Zubizarreta The Referee’s Alphabet
18 May 2012
Martin A
Would John Paul II count as a goalkeeper mentioned in a song being Pope when Vatican Broadside was released?
18 May 2012
Charles Exford
Looks like that list has already been lifted from this thread
(Peter Gandy, above, April 9th 2010), ‘cos both share the omission of Bert Trautmann.
19 May 2012
MIKE IN COV
@waldron76. See Michael Moorcock’s Wikipedia entry for more of his musical activities. I knew he’d been around Hawkwind at some stage, but not the rest. I suspect Lemmy might have read his books but not be too fond of his lyrics.
2 July 2012
MIKE IN COV
Ooh goody, I’ve just spotted another fire reference:
So banish me to the furnace (Problem Chimp)
3 July 2012
MIKE IN COV
They go to one-day _cricket_ in fancy dress. (Paintball.)
6 July 2012
MIKE IN COV
For anyone who appreciates the skills of the custodian, Goalkeepers Are Different includes a list of HMHB references under Quirky Facts. Thank U Very Much – as a friend who was there claimed the Kop sang after Gary Sprake threw the ball into his own net. (It was at #14 and Careless Hands at #6 on 9/12/67.) Unfortunately, it seems no footage exists … a poster on one forum said surely someone had captured it on their mobile …
8 July 2012
Charles Exford
Know plenty of Kopites who were there that day, plus the late grandad Exford (who was a Kop End Moan Stander) and they and the media always cite ‘Careless Hands’ when referring to that incident – Mr. Shankly himself was very fond of re-telling that story in interviews too. But yes I now recall that I’ve been told thank ‘Thank You Very Much’ got an airing too.
The list of HMHB keepers you mention was first linked 6 weeks ago, a few posts above.
Meanwhile I’m deliberately posting as Exxo these days to hasten the blessed day when you knock me off the embarrassing “most frequent poster” spot, Mike. Should take you about 3 more weeks by my reckoning 😉
8 July 2012
MIKE IN COV
@Charles Exford. Ha, two can play at that game. I’ve half a mind to start posting as DIM SIERRA. I may well do so.
How embarrassing, a duplicate post. Bugger. Won’t be the last time I suspect.
Thanks for the partial confirmation of my story. Considering who The Scaffold were, I’ve always thought they would have been the better choice.
I’m very conscious of having strolled onto this site like the Borough Surveyor, pointing out defects when the job’s nearly complete, after everyone else has done the heavy digging and lifting.
9 July 2012
MIKE IN COV
Introducing the instrumental break, 24 Hour Garage People, Peel session 09/09/99: Ok, boy, let me hear you spell Wilmslow.
23 July 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
Another fire reference:
Somewhat unwittingly kindled the underbrush
Through my haphazard ways
I’d set the woods ablaze
(Fix It So She Dreams Of Me).
And, HMHB also stands for an organisation called Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies. No, really, they crop up if you search for HMHB on YouTube.
27 July 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
As a chemist, I couldn’t resist compiling a list of chemical elements:
Calcium – Nerys Hughes.
Carbon – Carbon monoxide in Rita doesn’t count; but see Lead, below.
Chlorine – Letters Sent.
Copper – Meltonian (yes I know).
Iron – Convalescence, Faithlift, Quality Janitor, Stiperstones, Westminster Bridge.
Lead – Sealclubbing (well carbon actually), Damnation, Monmore.
Neon – Evening Of Swing.
Quicksilver (i.e. mercury) – Eno Collaboration.
Silver – Bike’s Kept Clean, Uffington Wassail.
Tin – Paintball.
27 July 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
HMHB also stands for Hit Maka Heart Breaker.
29 July 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
Adding to my list of chemical elements to deny someone the pleasure of pointing out my obvious omission:
Lead – also, This Leaden Pall.
30 July 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
Another golf reference: “Get in the hole”, Hedley Verityesque.
3 August 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
Another list idea, which I’m not going to attenpt, someone else have a go: unusual instruments or effects (i.e. not voice/guitars/keyboards/drums). Eno Collaboration provides a start, but there’s much much more.
5 August 2012
vendor of quack nostrums
Drill – MUYNMTS
5 August 2012
Chigley Skin
Banjo – On Finding The Studio Banjo (surprisingly enough)
5 August 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
Put your backs into it! gobiron (unusual for HMHB, anyway), whistling (ditto), Jew’s harp, flugel, heart monitor, …
5 August 2012
Chigley Skin
Notable use of recorders in When The Evening Sun Goes Down, and (possibly?) David Wainwright’s Feet. Also, not being musically or ornithologically talented, I’m not sure who or what produces the bird noises in The Ref’s Alphabet and King Of Rome, but they’re really quite effective.
I’d imagine there’s a washboard tucked away in New York Skiffle as well?
5 August 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
Definitely pigeon noises in King Of Rome, whether avian or human I cannot tell. An inspired addition, there aren’t any on Dave Sudbury’s original.
I’m not convinced that the wind instruments on When The Evening Sun Goes Down are recorders; they clearly reedless but don’t sound woody enough to my ears. It’s a shame the county bassoon doesn’t get an outing.
If he can be trusted, NB says “Some good bird noises there Paul” during A Referee’s Alphabet.
I could be wrong, but I too think it’s a recorder on David Wainwright’s Feet, The studio banjo’s on that track too.
I don’t think there’s a washboard on New York Skiffle, but a nifty bit of drumming to imitate one. The studio banjo stars again, double-tracked I suspect during the break.
This seems as good a place as any to post these promo videos for anyone who hasn’t seen them. That could well be an aeroplane at the beginning of Dickie Davies Eyes. (Hector Berlioz defined a musical instrument along the lines of, any noise-making instrument specified by a composer in a score, so it would count.) The video includes a shot of the bint with her paints, but not the Romany caravan. I suspect it was shot with Queen’s I Want To Break Free in mind.
5 August 2012
Martin A
Accordion – Goodnight Irene
5 August 2012
John Burscough
Quite right, AR, the wind instrument on WTESGD is almost certainly a penny whistle, in keeping with the song’s South African kwela style. I suspect the motif began life as ‘Tom Hark’ by Elias and his Zigzag Jive Flutes (later covered by The Piranhas).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKz5kpqctV0
5 August 2012
vendor of quack nostrums
@JB
It’s a flute, as played by Chloe Mullet.
5 August 2012
Third Rate Les
as a flautist of some experience myself it sounds like a recorder to me, . Or perhaps a piccolo, but it’s way too tinny for a flute. Unless some buggering about in recording has messed up the sound.
5 August 2012
vendor of quack nostrums
Sez it’s a flute on the sleeve notes, but then again most stuff written as such turns out to be jocular inaccuracy. Perhaps someone could contact said Ms Mullet and get it from the horses mouth, so to speak.
5 August 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
Thanks @John, I thought it was a pennywhistle but didn’t want to lean my head out too far and put ideas into people’s minds. I’d carelessly blotted The Piranhas (who did use a 1d whistle, on YouTube you can see them blow) from my memory, but had never heard the original!!
As no-one’s taken up the Eno Collaboration hint, here’s my amateurish list: xylophone, ocarina, chimes, twangy something like an amplified nailfile on a schooldesk, tuned woodblocks, pit bull terrier on a chain. C’mon, someone do it properly. (No extra BVs though, and I think Eno’s on record as saying that they improve anything.)
Brian Eno’s an example of the odd-looking connection between music and chemistry: Alexander Borodin (trust me, he was a damn good chemist), Sir Thomas Beecham (his family made its pile from the powders), Francis Poulenc (as in Rhone-Poulenc), Eno’s Fruit Salts.
5 August 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
WTESGD. @Vendor, I know you’ve been here before – I’ve read your posts on the Lux Familiar thread, and the liner notes – and @Third Rate, I note & respect your ear. For me, flute?: not breathy enough, short on vibrato; piccolo (or fife)?: not shrill enough; recorder?: too metallic. Sooner or later, to avert physical violence, I suspect that someone’s going to have to ask the multi-instrumentalist Chloe Mullet herself. Given her name, if she didn’t have a Facebook presence, I might start to doubt her existence.
6 August 2012
Chigley Skin
Tom Hark – a tune now forever smeared by those football clubs who play it over the tannoy after a goal to encourage their oh-so-passionate “fans” to actually make a bit of noise. Coming up with an original club song a bit too hard for you, lads? Never mind, have a predictable blast of this. (And no, I don’t have anything better to do).
In other news – and bearing in mind that I’m orchestrationally-impaired – I’m guessing that it’s a violin we can hear on the album version of RSVP?
6 August 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
I can’t detect a violin on RSVP, I hear a double-reed timbre. My guess is a synth emulating the sound of a harmonium; a very appropriate, churchy, instrument. The work also shows off a couple of violins and a cello for handy comparison. If you liked that, the final two movements are here.
Is Tom Hark used as a football chant? It doesn’t seem to be mentioned in the Shit Band, No Fans thread – which, if it is, it should be.
@Chigley, did you try to post a link?
6 August 2012
John Burscough
‘Flute’ could still be right, as ‘jive flute’ was a slang term for the penny whistle in 1950s Johannesburg. Ref ‘Elias and his Zigzag Jive Flutes’ (who had, interestingly enough, been known previously as ‘Alexandra Black Mambazo’).
I’ve emailed Chloe “Going Mad With A” Mullet to see if she can resolve this vital question.
6 August 2012
Chigley Skin
Honestly, if you played me a xylophone I’d probably think it was a kettle drum, so it’s no use trying to educate me on the subtleties between instruments; on RSVP, it just sounds to me like the kind of fiddle that gets used at ceilidhs. I’d have thought finding someone who could play one would be easier than synthesising the sound, too?
You can’t really put Tom Hark in the Shit Band No Fans thread, because the tune in WTESGD isn’t a strict rendition of Tom Hark; it may well have been influenced by it, but it grew into something entirely different. But I can assure you that it gets played by a lot of football clubs nowadays after a home team goal, in lieu of the fans actually having a song or goal celebration of their own. Wigan, Wolves, Burnley and Ipswich are four definite culprits.
6 August 2012
John Burscough
‘Tom Hark’ is also sometimes heard on cricket grounds, to better effect. At a (five-day) Test a few years ago the rozzers were called to deal with a beerglass snake-related incident, and were mocked by the Fox Road stand chanting “We’ve had a few beers, we’re having a laugh…”
7 August 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
HOME IMPROVEMENTS AND REPAIRS
I had my loft converted back into a loft … Friday Night
Creosote the fence … Leaden Pall
Trellising the yard … Ode To Joyce
Daktari wallpaper … Footprints
They always smash my windows … Trumpton Riots
A help chute and a carbon monoxide alarm … Excavating Rita
7 August 2012
MISTER TUBBS
I don’t know the technical term for the instruments involved, but it sounds to me like someone playing space invaders during “£24.99 from argos”, and someone hitting a saucepan with a spoon during the Wendy Wimbush bit in “christian rock concert”
7 August 2012
Chigley Skin
Not sure you can count the pane-smashing antics of my Chigley brethren as “home repairs”, as they’re obviously train carriage windows that have been broken.
7 August 2012
Rubber Faced Irritant
@Mr Tubbs CtSO’s intro to the £24.99 thread postulates a Casio Toy Keyboard which sounds about right to me. Presumably costing just under £25.
Whilst we’re discussing things Godcore, Sensitive Outsider seems to feature a guest appearance by Rolf Harris with his wobble board. I know it doesn’t (please don’t give me a dreaded Raspberry Biscuit Award) but the thought that it might have happened, brightens my day.
@Acidic Reg – there’s a new conservatory to behold in Paintball.
7 August 2012
Simon
Home Improvements – surely ‘It Makes The Room Look Bigger’?
7 August 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
@Chigley, aargh you got me, damn this paintball nonsense (just glad you didn’t notice the wrong song citation … shh).
@Mr Tubbs, I’d been hoping that someone would sort out £24.99 From Argos before I got involved, but here’s my go: spoons on tuned coffee cups, synth emulating Asteroids (_not_ Space Invaders IMO!), recorder, Commodore Spectrum v. The Ode To Joy (six rounds, knockout or two falls/submissions).
As for Christian Rock Concert, I concur on the spoon, but are you sure it’s a saucepan not a wok? These details matter, more research is needed. There’s also what sounds like someone kicking the shit out of a Theremin, or possibly an Ondes Martenot.
7 August 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
I’ve just listened to as much as I could take of the Nick Knowles song identified by Argie UK in post 79. Comments have been disabled for the video, can’t think why.
I’ll go along with the Casio instead of the Spectrum.
I think the sound they were aiming for in Sensitive Outsider is the Jew’s harp, which ties in with the subject-matter. I don’t how they got it, but suspect a synth.
@Chigley, you suggest ceilidh fiddle in RSVP, my first thought (before doing some comparative listening) was uillleann pipes. We seem both to detect an Irish flavour, despite arriving from different directions.
@RFI, the Raspberry Biscuit is also called the Air Biscuit. My! how I laughed.
8 August 2012
TAYLO
Cornet in Gubba Lookalikes live version in Sheffield, Manchester, Bath, Holmfirth and Leeds provided by Loop plus the Tenor Horn in Even Men with Steel Hearts in Sheffield.
I vote for Tin Whistle in WTESGD
9 August 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
ToB says Barry Hughes, trumpet – but it certainly isn’t one. Gubba Lookalikes is the song I had down for flugelhorn; but it looks like a cornet in the videos, ta for the correction @Taylo.
Godcore doesn’t credit a brass player, but I’ll go along with Taylo for tenor horn in Steel Hearts – it’s unmistakable in the Sheffield video.
9 August 2012
Exxo
It is fiddle on RSVP – one reason why it’s unlikely to get another live outing for the foreseeable is that the lads don’t have access to a fiddler (doesn’t Loop play any strings, Phil?)
I was told that they actually thought in retrospect that they shouldn’t have done it at all on Lard’s show in 2010 and again in Bilston that year without the fiddler it was always meant to have.
I thought it was great even without, personally, like.
9 August 2012
MISTER TUBBS
I’m guessing that the animal noises at the start of “13 eurogoths” are made in the same way as the unexpected dolphins in “Tending the wrong grave”, but there also sounds like a wireless playing in the background, possibly a Spanish radio station?
12 August 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
A pity to allow facts to influence theory, but fiddle it is then. Good ears, @Chigley.
I hear bird noises (possibly human) and woodblock in Wrong Grave, during the spoken passage.
Didn’t Unexpected Dolphins once record a Peel session?
13 August 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
Have a look at this list. What’s not to like?
20 August 2012
Crown Green Bowler (29)
Where’s Animal Farm so we can put it on the map? We can’t ask either Dougie Bader or Arthur Askey.
Pinchfield and Foxwood are to be found all over England’s green and pleasant land, so they’re no help.
Bzzzzzzzz
24 August 2012
Crown Green Bowler (29)
I think I put that on the wrong thread.
I’ll get (my dad’s) golf clubs…
24 August 2012
John Burscough
Ref post 244. On the subject of flutes/penny whistles on WTESGD, I’ve now heard back from the gracious Chloe Mullet, who resolves the debate thus: “I think it is a piccolo flute, I had one at the time, and the chromatic bits of the melody (i.e. the bit of the melody where ‘county bassoon’ would be) would be a lot trickier on a penny whistle. Here is a link to a picture if people are curious.”
http://uk.yamaha.com/en/products/musical-instruments/winds/piccolos/ypc-32/?mode=model
29 August 2012
vendor of quack nostrums
Told you all years ago that it was a flute.
Although I’m a bit concerned that she starts with ‘I think’. We need certainty on this site.
29 August 2012
vendor of quack nostrums
Ummm. Tried to insert a winkeye thingy after the first sentence on my previous post, in order to infer a certain level of jocularity and not give the impression that I was in any way seriously suggesting success on my part, but failed miserably.
Could you all please mentally insert one?
Although it’s probably lost its impact now.
29 August 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
Piccolo for me now, the timbre’s right, very different from that of a flute -which was my difficulty. (Usually called piccolo rather than piccolo flute, even though its’s a subspecies of flute.) Compare the two.
Chloe would surely have remembered if she’d played a non-orchestral instrument like penny whistle.
29 August 2012
Third Rate Les
I said that. Recorder or piccolo.
I once played the piccolo in a wind band in Connecticut, because the bandmaster misread my CV and by the time he realised I was grade 8 and not 3 he’d already assigned a lead flautist and he didn’t want to change because she was really gorgeous. So he gave me a piccolo and told me to learn that instead. Sorry, not strictly relevant.
29 August 2012
John Burscough
It’s Chloë Mullett, btw (she must despair).
30 August 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
@TRL, credit where it’s due for being the first to suggest piccolo.
I ran It Makes The Room Look Bigger past a brass-playing mate. He hears a saucepan in the middle eight; and floor toms. (I’m beginning to think there must be a studio saucepan.)
The Department Of The Bleeding Obvious asked the same 27-year old HMHB fan a few questions. He got several of them right, it wasn’t meant to be a we-set-it-you-fail-it type of exam. But here are three of his answers:
Dickie Davies Eyes, “Is this a wok that you’ve shoved down my throat or are you just pleased to see me?” (words)? – A play on the standard banana/pants presumably something more here?
Four Skinny Indie Kids, “We’ve got lo-fi … we ain’t got mates” (words and music)? – No idea.
Improv Workshop Mimeshow Gobshite, “Send in the clowns” (words)? – Sorta standard jazz thing, but I don’t know the exact origins.
So no matter how obvious a reference might seem, I think it should be documented.
3 September 2012
Charles Exford
“A particularly distasteful feature of Half Man Half Biscuit ‘live’ reviews – see the excellent hmhb.co.uk – is the way they always start with something like, “so I met up with Carlisle Pete, and St Neots Steve, in the Kebab and Calculator, Matlock. They do a fine pint of Foreskins Old Rectangular”. Just concentrate on the gig, you middle-aged weirdoes. And so it was, that a few nights before Christmas, I met up with two WSAG regulars, and some time SWINEsters, Mr Dog Catcher and Mr Brassneck, at O’Neill’s bar, in that there London town. They do a boss Orange and Passion Fruit J2O. The evening began with some fine comedy, as the Dog unsuccessfully tried to tout the spare ticket that had arisen due to Mr Stabilo’s illness/bird-sloping (depending on whose version you believe).”
– (Dave Wiggins of Swine Magazine, reviewing HMHB at Shepherd’s Bush, Xmas 2006).
I’ve used that same quote on this site before I know, but it seems an ideal preface for this post. I’m a bit of a middle-aged CAMRA weirdo meself, and as I mentioned in my recent Holmfirth gig review, I’ve forgotten more fine ales whose names were redolent of HMHB lyrics than I’ll ever remember.
However after a bit of “research” (=googling), and some help from Maud, we have managed to recapture a few of the memories from our recent years of beer festival-going. So do please come on in and lean on our virtual bar if you will, as we refer you to our blackboard of biscuity ales (and please do send in more to add to the list as you encounter them on your travels in the utopian republic of Realia).
All these ales are currently available to my knowledge, except where I’ve used the past tense (and I’ve only done that to doff my cap to the utterly magnificent products of the mighty Elland Brewery). The write-ups are adapted from beer reviewers, or sometimes from the brewers themselves, and of course the fact that the flowery, fruity language often crosses the blurry border into parody makes them even more appropriate BBRs – Biscuit Beer References.
Bogus Official
Kirkstall Brewery (Leeds), 4.2%
German style altbier but dry-hopped with Motueka hops … after a couple of these you won’t give a f*ck about your missing cat.
Orme
Great Orme Brewery (N. Wales), 4.2%
Refreshing after any ascent, this is a mouth-watering cask conditioned ale supposedly based on a traditional Welsh recipe. I scream, you scream, we all scream for “the subtle addition of crystal and chocolate malts to the base Maris Otter pale ale malt, the initial well balanced taste giving way to a delicate smoked finish.” Available in bottles, with a stylish authentic Celtic banded design to their labels and pump clips.
Pen-y-Ghent
Three Peaks Brewery (Settle), 3.8%
A nutty, fruity, malty, bitter. Best bevvied in a bivvy, when you’re next up Pen-y-Ghent.
Shropshire Lad
Wood’s Brewery (Wistanstow, South Shropshire), 5%
“Boom, boom, boom – let me hear you say CAMRA Man,” as A.E. Housman once wrote. Well, maybe not, but he did write:
“Say, for what were hop-yards meant,
Or why was Burton built on Trent?
Oh many a peer of England brews
Livelier liquor than the Muse,
And malt does more than Milton can
To justify God’s ways to man.”
And why indeed did they build Burton on Trent, when a fine brewery like Wood’s is located amongst the scenic hills of Shropshire? ‘Lad’ is their top seller, and it’s a quintessential example of an English bitter, brewed with English Malts, laced with Fuggles and Goldings hops. “It pours a deep bronze with a whiff of flowers, pear and berries on the air and a thin but persistent head loiters around like a crow on a telegraph pole. A rich toffee start to the sup is cajoled by the classical hop mix, swaying and rolling in perfect balance towards the gently bittered finish. The carbonation is superbly pitched, and the aroma through the taste is a sort of twin hop cuddle which welcomes you to the glass each time. 8/10 – One can easily see why this is their best seller. Enduring quality English bitter.” (The Beer Bunker Blog Review). Available in bottles.
Windy Miller
Eight Sail Brewery (Heckington, Lincs), Amber, 3.8%
Dark, fruity and hoppy, a very tasty session beer which won’t make you want to smash the town hall door.
Wainwright
Thwaites Brewery (Blackburn, Lancashire), Golden Ale, 4.1%
Allegedly the reason that Bobby Svarc stayed in Blackburn Lancashire rather than returning to Layer Road, this refreshing straw-coloured beer with soft fruit flavours and a hint of sweetness from the fine malt. The Alfred Wainwright ‘brand’ now has enough clout to see these bottles hiking into most large supermarkets across our nation. Also often a guest ale in branches of Wetherspoons.
Wassail
Ballards Brewery (Nyewood, West Sussex), Amber, 6.0%
I caused an altercation when it turned out this available in neither the Met Bar nor the Groucho. However, when you consume this strong, full-bodied, fruity beer with a predominance of malt throughout but also an underlying hoppiness, it will certainly lubricate your chain. I don’t know if it will protect you from the dimmer switch and membership of Britannia Music Club, but The Hounds of Retribution are rather partial to it.
Revelation
Dark Star (Partridge Green W. Sussex), Pale, 5.7%
At 5.7%, this beer does not need pluralising unnecessarily, but just a single pint will surely never suffice. A blend of Centennial, Liberty, Cascade and Citra aroma hops by the sackful, then dry-hopped during conditioning. A zesty aroma with a refreshing and rounded aftertaste, which might start to convert even some confirmed lager drinkers (they reckon).
Light at the End of the Tunnel
Tunnel Brewery (Ansley, Warwickshire), Golden, 4.0%
Blimey! Read this cautionary tale before you engineer a tunnel!
Czech Mate
Old Dairy Brewery (Rolvenden, Kent), Pale, 5.0%
Shock horror! Lager! An actual real lager! Dennis Bell of Torquay loves this one. Czech Saaz hops are used to provide spicy, citrus aromas, and the pale caramel body is balanced by a clean bitter finish. Dennis ain’t replying ‘cos he’s just gone back to the bar for another one.
Cocker Hoop
Jennings Brewery (Cockermouth), 4.6%
Did you know that “Cock-a-hoop” is the old custom of removing the cork from a barrel and resting it on the hoop of the cask before drinking from that barrel? A common occurrence during korfball-related festivities in Rotterdam, I’m told. The Jennings Brewery adapted this to Cocker Hoop of course, as a celebration of their brewery’s location on the banks of that mighty eponymous river.
Kinder Down Fall
Buxton Brewery (Buxton, Derbyshire), Golden Ale, 4.3%
Named after the waterfall high on Kinder Scout in Derbyshire, this is a refreshing, full-flavoured, hoppy golden ale. Mellow marmalade and fruity citrus grapefruit flavours and aromas are balanced with a gentle malt background to give a very pleasing beer. They don’t do one named after Mam Tor yet, but watch this space. Available in bottles.
Kinder Sunset
Buxton Brewery (Buxton, Derbyshire), Ruby Ale, 5%
Named after the magnificent sunsets to be enjoyed while gazing upon… yes you’ve guessed it, Kinder Scout, this one even tastes biscuit. It made one CAMRGB reviewer wax very embarrassing indeed: “Kinder’s aroma is an incredibly inviting mix of the fruitiness of childhood jelly babies with grown-up spiced orange. When pouring a beer calling itself a ruby ale, you’d be expecting the usual digestive biscuits and bran blah blah blah, but this is different. Yes there’s a biscuit base, but it’s hiding right at the edge, out of sight. The colour is a superbly deep and thick orange marmalade with a foamy head that doesn’t so much collapse as settle down to a ring of appetising bubbles. Waves of sweetness and spice roll across your tongue bringing black pepper and a little cardamom before the hops present you with a huge bunch of flowers. A bouquet of garden petals underpinned by spiky gorse bush prickles and tongue drying mown grass juice leaves you with a finish that simply doesn’t want to end. Super.”
Quantock
Quantock Brewery (Chelton, Somerset), Stout, 4.5%
A dark stout, brewed with Maris Otter pale malt, together with flaked and roast barley to give a dry, roast malt taste, which is well-balanced by the use of Pilgrim and Goldings hops. – Fresh, fruity and naturally hazy. I tried not to say “check it out”, but in the end I had to.
Quantock Ale
Quantock Brewery (Chelton, Somerset), Amber, 3.8%
I checked it out like you asked me to, and it’s actually just over 3.75% ABV. This one feels, frankly, a little blasé, in my Joy Division oven gloves.
Rorke’s Drift
Quantock Brewery (Chelton, Somerset), Lager, 4.2%
No we don’t get stroppy and we don’t get miffed when we see real lagers at real ale festivals. We give a little grin, especially when they’re a DBBR (Double Biscuit Beer Reference) like this one.
Hebden’s Wheat
Little Valley Brewery (Hebden Bridge, W.Yorks), 4.5%
Well we’ve had a couple of real lagers on our list, so why not a Belgian-style, naturally hazy Wheat Beer? Fruity and refreshing. Light in colour, with hints of coriander and lemon. Its popularity with the chattering classes won it the Silver Award in the Speciality Section of the CAMRA Great British Beer Festival in 2007, but sent some former Hebden Bridge residents potty. Available in bottles.
Amnesia
Elland Brewery (Elland, W. Yorks), Seasonal pale ale, 5.8%
What was that? They’ve probably forgotten that they ever made this stupidly golden-coloured special pale ale, bursting with citrus-charged hop aromas and flavours – but if it ever existed it was great. Was available in bottles. Probably. Where’s that Milk of Magnesia? This consistently creative, multi-award-winning brewery also used to do one called Old Skool, a 5.0% golden-coloured seasonal strong ale, using five malts and three hip hop varieties for a good malty character and a chip shop nose. This would definitely be one for the celebrations when you move into a Nu House.
Meanwhile, other lyrics-related breweries include:
– The Brown Cow Brewery (Barlow, N.Yorks) whose beers include a 4.5% mild called Captain Oates. When you have to walk away John, why not just go outside and take some time over a pint of this?
– The Stroud Brewery – Thrupp, Stroud, Gloucestershire. They know what CAMRA men look like. And what they like, so do come near Stroud.
– Glastonbury Ales (Somerton, Somerset). Unfortunately they haven’t yet put up gun-towers to keep the fizzy keg ales at bay.
– Bath Ales – whose fine pubs include The Swan at Swineford: careful now, that beer could break your arm.
There are of course many breweries and beers named after swans, such as Olde Swan Brewery (Netherton, West Midlands) est. 1835, who make Dark Swan dark ale – 4.2% – A smooth, sweet dark mild with late roast malt in the finish. Ooh Rhubarb, let’s go: The excellent Ilkley Brewery makes a rhubarb-flavoured beer, called Siberia Rhubarb Saison, at 5.6%. I must mention that I did see (ooh, ooh) a bad review of this one on a well-respected beer blog. It Trigg(er)s my taste buds personally though, and different tastes have still not been accounted for. So no-ones forcing you (forcing you – rhubarb – yeah?), but this one is available in bottles too. By the way, while googling some of these beer festival ales, I noticed that Roots Hall hosted such a festival at the end of last season which – what a surprise – was badly attended by the local bad wools.
I suppose I should leave you with more of Housman’s eulogy to ale from ‘A Shropshire Lad’, LXII.
“TERENCE, this is stupid stuff:
You eat your victuals fast enough;
There can’t be much amiss, ’tis clear,
To see the rate you drink your beer.
But oh, good Lord, the verse you make,
It gives a chap the belly-ache.
Why, if ’tis dancing you would be,
There’s brisker pipes than poetry.
Say, for what were hop-yards meant,
Or why was Burton built on Trent?
Oh many a peer of England brews
Livelier liquor than the Muse,
And malt does more than Milton can
To justify God’s ways to man.
Ale, man, ale’s the stuff to drink
For fellows whom it hurts to think:
Look into the pewter pot
To see the world as the world’s not.
And faith, ’tis pleasant till ’tis past:
The mischief is that ’twill not last.
Oh I have been to Ludlow fair
And left my necktie God knows where,
And carried half way home, or near,
Pints and quarts of Ludlow beer:
Then the world seemed none so bad,
And I myself a sterling lad;
And down in lovely muck I’ve lain,
Happy till I woke again.
Then I saw the morning sky:
Heigho, the tale was all a lie;
The world, it was the old world yet,
I was I, my things were wet,
And nothing now remained to do
But begin the game anew.”
So keep it real in 2013 if you can folks.
– Charles & Maud Exford.
5 January 2013
vendor of quack nostrums
Spindrift
Adnams, Southwold (4% draught, 5% bottle)
“There were hints of peach and grapefruit and some malty sweetness, great stuff. The head was a little bit thinner than I had expected but what was there stuck around in the time it took me to drink it, although this wasn’t very long because it was just soooooooo drinkable, it slipped down so easily I couldn’t believe it, before I knew it, it was gone. The flavour is light and thirst quenching, you get the toasted malt and a little sweetness from the malt followed by the floral hops which give it a lovely bitterness and just enough zing to keep you wanting more. I could really see this going down well at BBQs and parties with just about everyone, not just ale lovers.”
All I can remember is that after half a dozen pints, I was experiencing a stinging sensation in my remaining eye.
5 January 2013
dave
Although primate themed, they sadly do not do a problem chimp, but do a (gig lacking) guerilla
6 January 2013
Charles Exford
Haha, small world, Dave, ‘cos Blue Monkey Brewery was set up by a friend of a friend and he sorted us out with his brilliant beers for a big fund-raising event we held a couple of years back. ‘Ninety-Nine Red Baboons’ was my favourite –“distinctly difficult to categorise – is it sort of a porter or maybe a mild? You decide!”
And Vendor – bingo! I now recall that ‘Spindrift’ was the one which, when we had it at a beer festival last year, made me want to start such a list in the first place. I trust that your eye has recovered – no doubt soothed by some of your own quack nostrums.
Great to see there are fellow ale lovers aboard The Project.
Anyway, I was leaning across the bar of a great ale emporium (Arcadia in Headingley) last night, looking at their wall-mounted collage of old pump clips and beer mats, and found a couple more. The first one I’ve tried, the other two (which share the same name) I haven’t.
Vespers
Abbeydale Brewery (Sheffield), Stout, 4.2%
Rich, dark, dry and mellow. Full of dark roast and coffee flavours complemented by fruity hop flavours. Serve it at all of your Christmas do’s and nobody will ever say it’s too f*cking bubbly.
May Fly
Evan Evans Brewery (Llandeilo, Wales), seasonal pale ale (spring), 4.3%
A refreshing spring ale which tells you a different story about ham-fisted diadems and momentary daydreams. Hints of apricot with a light floral aroma. Was available Spring 2012, so hopefully they’ll have this out again.
May Fly
Seasonal golden ale, 4.5%
This was another different beer of the same name, which was made by Smiles Brewery (Bristol) and then by Highgate Brewery (Walsall), both part of the large-scale Davenports operation. Probably brewed from 2003-2004 only, from what I could google, so it probably wasn’t twelve consecutive pints of this one that made Wem steer clear of Duff Leg Bryn. A traditional cask-conditioned beer light in colour, created by a likeable drizzle of crystal malt into fine pale malt with Fuggles hops. Miserable to whom?
7 January 2013
ACIDIC REGULATOR
Much time on your hands lately, @Charles?
7 January 2013
ACIDIC REGULATOR
I don’t want to drink many of those beers.
Mithridates, he died old, btw.
7 January 2013
Crown Green Bowler (29)
KRO-KUS, Krokus, apparently make the ‘Worlds Best Beer’ (sic)
http://www.amazon.com/KROKUS-beer-cerveza-wall-clock/dp/B004VY4PA2
24 January 2013
ACIDIC REGULATOR
Introducing the instrumental break – “Get in the hole!”, Hedley Verityesque.
9 March 2013
Matt
I’m not quite sure where this should go, but 1985 was the year Back in the DHSS came out and there’s a vote going on here
http://www.slicingupeyeballs.com/2013/07/08/vote-for-best-albums-of-1985/
Amused to see Einstürzende Neubauten, ‘Halber Mensch’ also on the list
9 July 2013
CHARLES EXFORD
Mrs E. has made me a compilation of contemporary songs which in some way reference the English Civil War, to help inspire me with a current project (which I won’t tell you more about, till it’s well on the way to being finished, perhaps next year).
She has entitled the compilation ‘Sealed Knot Society, let’s see you try and do this one.’
So there are songs with oblique Civil War references, like HMHB’s Uffington Wassail.
There are songs that mention, celebrate or denounce Cromwell, including HMHB’s Fix It So She Dreams of Me, Monty Python’s Oliver Cromwell Song, Oliver’s Army by Elvis Costello, Irish Blood English Heart by Morrissey, and Young Ned of the Hill by the Pogues.
There’s a song that mentions the English Civil War in reference to 20th century urban conflict really: English Civil War by The Clash.
There are random songs by bands with names inspired by that era, like New Model Army and The Levellers
There are the obvious songs about the radical movements that sprang up in the aftermath of the Civil War, such as The Diggers Song – versions by Attila, Chumbawumba, etc, and of course The World Turned Upside Down by Leon Rosselton (best known version probably by Billy Bragg).
But it has to be said, there are very few Songs actually _about_events during the Civil war. We’ve got Red & Gold by Fairport Convention (not a particularly fine or interesting song in my opinion) and March of the Levellers by Attila & Barnstormer.
Does anyone else know any other decent songs actually _about_ the English Civil War? Any good folk stuff?
22 November 2013
Bobby SVARC
Smoke From Cromwell’s Time by Blyth Power…….maybe
22 November 2013
Dr Desperate
‘Battle Of Marston Moor, June 16th 1644’, from ELO’s first album: classic Roy Wood lunacy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0CxTWmv4YU
11 December 2013
EXXO
Thanks Doc, appreciate that – think I probably heard that when I were a nipper but had certainly forgotten it if so.
Amazing how irritated I got by the use of “I” in the lyric (I hate any individualisation of Parliament’s cause referring to anything before about 1651).
12 December 2013
nigel
I seem to remember from a long ago read of Bev Bevan’s book that he thought the B of MM song was so appalling that he refused to play drums on it.
12 December 2013
nigel, no not that one (nx3TO)
Not exactly about the English Civil War as such; more about the Levellers and the movement for social change afterwards: Rev Hammer – “Freeborn John: The Story of John Lilburne”.
12 December 2013
CHARLES EXFORD
For three whole years I’ve half-heartedly considered a reply to Les’ “politics” article, but I think I gradually gave up on that once I realised Nigel’s Radio Merseyside Protest Songs programme had done the job. However, when I realised that I could write A Short History of the World in Biscuit References, I also thought that it could be a kind of reply to Les’ one too. And has there ever been any other band you could have done this with?
Before the gods that made the gods woke up and made the gods, the universe was ruled by chance and indifference. A collection of ammonites with tentacles evolved into collections of Ammonites and Israelites with restless legs. As they wandered, their creation myths included one about poor goalkeeping in the Garden of Eden, and they worshipped at the bricked-up tombs of the scathing pundits had first called their ancestors ‘lacksadaisical’. The people of the Central American rainforests re-enacted similar myths in sacred games, thought to have involved hanging all the failed keepers on a rancid gibbet in a forest glade.
Sensible people worshipped the evening sun as it went down; others woke up before six every morning to do so and seemed to expect a medal. They all danced round like the debauched minions of Baal while Job, Ezekiel, etc. prophesied doom with varying degrees of patience and tolerance. Wine had of course been invented by now and the wise king Pentheus of Thebes took this early opportunity to become a raging alkie. Such abuses of power led to early experiments with limited democracy, but the balding senators too ended up in the taverns as soon as they learned to fiddle their expenses. ‘Smarmy acrobat’ had until then been rhyming slang for ‘barmy autocrat’ but soon somehow, via the rhyme with ‘twat’, it just came to mean ’accountant’. Democracy was abandoned again for another couple of millennia, and so emperors fiddled on while their Gordons burned.
Jesus Christ came on down, so before too long we were going to Rome to see the Pope. Soon he had monks all over the place, back-to-back Cadfaels and I saw three ships full of Arimathean hippies who got everywhere from Scafell to Glasto until Cromwell’s troops billeted there and put up the gun-towers. That’s when Christian rock concerts started.
Rustics were increasingly astonished by the advances in technology: waterwheels, packhorse bridges, shire horses to pull narrow boats. After capture by the Barbary Corsairs, captains of Kent and Gwent were inspired to become captains of slavery in places like Senegal, from where the people were got carried to a Caribbean beach. Some were sent to infernal regions like Cuba or Venezuela and many ended up in places like Tennessee and Texas with 99 links of chain around their feet, so they invented the blues.
The poor fared a little better in old Blighty, where the primitive creatures of the heath at least had a heath, and some of the heart-broken maidens had joyless beds in the poorhouse. Boxes of dashing hussars were primed to see off Old Boney, as well as bludgeoning chartist demonstrators in the square, and ensured that no Revolution Bell would not be sounding here any time soon. Just the low drone of the treadmills of the Industrial Revolution, pushed ever onwards by the science of men like Faraday (buy that man a beer) and Stevenson the engineer, who would facilitate so many interesting coroners’ footnotes throughout the Victorian period.
The great age of the iron-clad transport disaster was born, and Cammell Laird social club soon got in on the act with the Birkenhead Disaster of 1852 amongst many others. This established the etiquette for every yearning sailor on a sinking ship and such stiff upper lips on the upper decks would come in handy on the Titanic in 1912 of course. Stiff missionaries set out in such vessels to build the Calcutta railways as did troops to crush Cetshwayo, and soon typical warlords everywhere had British-supplied heroin on their bedposts. In tandem with the stiff missionary zeal, archetypal British loonies like Aleister Crowley ensured that more enjoyable religions (with their tantric sex and their karmic moans) were discredited for the foreseeable future.
The age of the heroic failure reached its zenith in the years immediately before WW1 with a series of incompetent expeditions close to the pole, though at least Ernest Shackleton didn’t want men dying to achieve his goal. Unlike the great powers. The caverns & abysmals of the Great War soon put everything in perspective, and created the kind of blasted-to-smithereens modernist poetry without which … well, zero. Probably no collage-style lyrics. This was also the golden age of the chain gang, with plenty of graves and bikes to keep clean as the Blues reached a cultural crossroads.
Then they came for the palmists and the bungee jumpers, and Warden Hodges donned his helmet to defend our shores and Hedley Verity passed into folklore before he could bowl his final deadly over of hand grenades. Bert Trautmann and Sven Hassell lived to tell the tale.
Freedom had been defended, and it even increased, to the extent that within a generation four of our lads could shake the world, eleven more could win the world cup in 1996 and all that. Papworth General was doing great things and god still seemed to mean for us to work. Our boyhood reading told of androids who would empathise and understand. We were also promised jet-packs and holidays to the moon by the year 2063(‘Tomorrow’s World’ also told us that CDs would be practically unscratchable). Freedom was sometimes abused, especially on planet Prog Rock and in A Song for Europe, but we had Subutteo and there was usually one of the gang who had Scalextric, though it rarely worked.
Then T for Thatcher, unemployment rising in nearly every end of town, nauseating bashful standard bearers …and after the riots they thought it best to turn a blind eye, so it became all too easy to score in every tower block. Enterprsie Allowance Scheme? Marijuana bores, cokeheads, cokeheads. Everything privatised from your gas meter to your waterboard van, from your final demand to your replacement bus service. Football bosses reached for the Sky and soon we couldn’t even afford to go the match. If we did, we couldn’t stand anymore. Much time spent in William Hills. I can do that, but I don’t really want to. Not any more.
Is this New Labour, Mr. Blair? He told us that “if we don’t act soon a tyrannical loon is going to flip and blast us all to probable bits”, and from then on if anyone needed me I knew I’d always be elsewhere. Her Majesty, Primark FM, National Shite Day, needless spitting and soon the alley gates. Ah well he’s right, you think of the Children of the Calcutta Railways & the Mugabe government and you realise it’s everywhere, it always has been and it isn’t going to stop any time soon. Optimism strikes me as junk mail addressed to disaster victims. In the year 2063, just give us bubblewrap and staff who like the odd wager with the inmates. We’ll take each Armageddon as it comes, as revealed in the Book of Revelation.
I’ll be proof-reading this at Embankment Tube tomorrow. Epiphany.
5 January 2014
Dr Desperate
Bit early for a Golden Biscuit of 2014 award, but all the same…
5 January 2014
Chris The Siteowner
Well, it’s certainly set the bar high.
6 January 2014
nigel, no not that one (nx3TO)
I’d close the nominations now and retire the award immediately, if it were me
7 January 2014
Tripswitch hinterland
For some time now I’ve wanted to compile a list of Nigel’s segues into solos and you lot will be so much better than me at this. I can remember a couple for starters:
“Ok, let’s pedestrianise the high street”
“Brick him up”
“Regain it for me Rodney”
I know there are many others but right now they escape me.
7 February 2014
Dr Desperate
If you scroll up a bit on this thread (post 121), @TH, you’ll see a list’s already been compiled by Exxo.
7 February 2014
Tripswitch hinterland
Good stuff, many thanks.
10 February 2014
Dawlishian
Back to the first list in this thread – musicians/singers: Carol Vorderman (Emerging From Gorse) was in Dawn Chorus And The Blue Tits with Liz Kershaw. She had, however, left before they did their Peel session.
9 March 2014
Dawlishian
Talking of Tits; Here are some HMHB birds
Actual Birds (alphabetical, not Voous):
Buzzard
Chicken
Cock
Crow
Duck
Goose
Hawk
Hen
Hummingbird
Jackdaw
Lark
Linnet
Nightingale
Owl
Pheasant
Pigeon
Sanderling
Sparrow
Swan
Turkey
Also-rans (names, nouns, verbs, insults etc):
Bunting
Chat
Crane
Drake
Drongo
Kite
Knot
Loon
Lori
Martin
Robin
Tenuous:
Barbary (Dove)
Mourning (Dove)
Rock (Dove)
(Bird Of) Paradise
Weaver (Bird)
Butcher (Bird)
King(fisher)
Bull(finch)
Motorway (Hawk, aka Kestrel)
Storm (Petrel)
Pine (Crossbill)
Not Birds:
Quack
Aviaries
Cuckold
Petrol
Pidgeon
9 March 2014
Chris The Siteowner
And the lists are back! Top, top work.
9 March 2014
Dawlishian
For anyone perturbed by my Vorderman knowledge, it’s all in Andy Kershaw’s excellent autobiography ‘No Off Switch’. Still available at all good book shops ….
9 March 2014
Chris The Siteowner
As suggested by Charles Exford, I’ve given a page to Nathan Richardson’s article on the religious references and imagery in the songbook, God Gave Us Life: Nigel Blackwell and Religion. Discuss!
10 September 2014
John AndErson
Places in HMHB songs associated with the protagonist’s failed relationship or unrequited romance:
Bacup
Biarritz
Broadstairs
Capri
Delph
Enschede
Happiness Bay
Hawaii
Machynlleth
Notting Hill
Pen-y-Ghent
Poundbury
An A & R showcase at an unspecified venue
Any others?
16 October 2014
Eric olthwaite
A character did flee to Wick following a “failed relationship” type incident. Does that fit?
16 October 2014
CARRIE ANNE
Broadstairs, south coast of France?
16 October 2014
Dr Desperate
Another solo chorus introduction (see post 121 above): Give me a spork.
16 October 2014
John AndErson
@Carrie Anne Broadstairs is in there. I suppose you could count Marseille from Albert Hammond Bootleg.
@Eric Olthwaite I did think about Wick but it didn’t seem to have a direct bearing on the scenario.
16 October 2014
CARRIE ANNE
@John A. – sorry, I thought I’d typed Marseille!!
17 October 2014
Dave m
I can’t believe no-one’s started a list of other bands’ album titles mentioned in HMHB lyrics: Here are 4 obvious ones to get it started:
Tales From Topographic Oceans – Yes
Tarkus (in black vinyl please) – ELP
Alchemy (under your arm) – Dire Straits
Frampton Comes Alive (!) – who else?
12 November 2014
Bobby SVARC
Cheap Trick at Budokan
12 November 2014
Bobby SVARC
Arc – Neil Young
Alessi – Alessi Brothers
12 November 2014
Dr Desperate
Duck Stab – The Residents
Marquee Moon – Television
12 November 2014
Eric olthwaite
Black Sabbath. Not just a mention of the (band and) title track, but the riff is played too.
12 November 2014
Jeff dreadnought
The Best of Johnny Cash (available at all good superstores)
13 November 2014
BrumbiscUit
A rather vague Blues CD on the Hallmark label.
13 November 2014
Slow dempsey
Kick out the Jams – MC5
13 November 2014
Jeff dreadnought
I thought it was time for a list, now the lyrics for all the songs have been completed (subject to subsequent corrections, of course).
“Roll the credits” – a cast of (fictional) characters from the Urge for Offal album, in order of appearance:
Corrections/additions welcome, of course.
24 November 2014
Gerry Gow
@JD (310). I don’t know if animals should be included too. If so Elaine merits inclusion. Also Mr Squires features in there too.
24 November 2014
EXXo
Great list and interesting that you (rightly in my view) include a number of narrator characters – well played – and yet not the narrator of ‘Gwatkin’.
Two I would dispute the fictionality of though are the narrator of ‘False Grit’ (almost certainly real) and (possibly) the cab driver – who knows? But what about all the characters in the dramas described in ‘False Grit?’ They are real, existent fictional characters – is that why (along with Tolstoy’s character from ‘Baguette’) they don’t count? Or because they are generic stereotypes?
What about the character who is out on bail in ‘I’m out on bail’? I’d be fairly sure it’s not an autobiographical song about Mick EZ, but may be a kind of ‘The Boys are Back in Town’ or less dramatic ‘Jailbreak’ effort.
Oh, and and what about the indeterminate number of descendants who gather (more than once?) in ‘Teenage Bride’?
And talking of children, the underfed kids may not quite be right….
24 November 2014
Jeff Dreadnought
I knew there would be loads I’d forget to include, so thanks, GG and Exxo.
GG: yes, I think Elaine should be included. Why not, if Mr Ed can be given top billing in a West End Show?
Exxo: I completely forgot about the narrator in Gwatkin. A reporter perhaps? Someone making a documentary?
Interesting point about False Grit. Are you making a similar point when you draw the distinction elsewhere between “fluent Blackwell” and other voices such as the bassist in UFO’s? Anyway, yeah, FG narrator maybe not fictional. that could be a whole different debate.
I didn’t include real, existent fictional characters created by other writers as I think they belong in a different list. So I tried to include “original creations” only. And finally, if it’s not “two bored kids are underfed” but something else (and it sounds like you know it is) then said kids should obviously be dismissed from the cast. Shame. Their parents were probably thinking this would be their big break. Oh, and I should probably have added “Extras” at the end of the list to cover parts such as the Teenage Bride’s descendants.
24 November 2014
EXXo
‘Countless Extras’ would cover it. I like the idea though that in ‘Offal Nice’ (The Musical) the same actors could play the Teenage Bride’s great-great grandchildren and Bridgedale’s gang. Talking of which, how did we forget Slow D. himself?
There are some kids. That’s all I’ll say for now. I didn’t mean to be a tease, but I’m experimenting with a policy of only replying with the clarifications when somebody else makes a comment which gets it right (or closer, anyway).
24 November 2014
dirk hofman
A few extras and walk-on parts in SUAH-man out walking the dog,psychoanalyst,psychiatrist,zen therapist,chap out of Hammerfist,whoever it is that should come back and tie the ‘last knot’..
Idris the sculptor or cheat in TBOC and the local historian fromTUG..
24 November 2014
Jeff dreadnought
List of songs satirising musicians (professional or amateur) who are generic types rather than actual people (as suggested by DIQ):
Used to Be In Evil Gazebo
Moody Chops
Adam Boyle’s Cast Lad Rock Aside
Urge For Offal
Look Dad No Tunes
Running Order Squabble Fest
Bad Review
Song For Europe
Tour Jacket With Detachable Sleeves
Eno Collaboration (debatably)
Four Skinny Indie Kids
Nove On The Sly
Stavanger Töestub
Uffington Wassail
Shit Arm, Bad Tattoo
We Built This Village On A Trad. Arr. Tune
Left Lyrics In The Practice Room
Rock And Roll Is Full Of Bad Wools
And probably much, much more that I’ve left out.
So at least one per album, then. Is Eno Collaboration so obviously about Bono that it belongs on list of songs that actually mention their targets by name (Climie Fisher, Dean Friedman, Earth Kitt, After The Fire, etc – I’ve got a feeling that this is a list that’s been done before)?
24 November 2014
EXXo
After the Fire are mentioned in ‘Christian Rock’ but it’s still generic satire.
‘Eno Collaboration ‘ is no way more about Bono then any other artistes who might be Eno-fied; in fact the mention of him in the lyric makes it less about him than about the generic bands who might go through the Eno-fication stage.
‘A ShropshireLad’.
24 November 2014
dickhead in quicksand
Eno Collaboration is deffo a generalised piss-take.
I’m going to toss New York Skiffle into this mix.
24 November 2014
Jeff Dreadnought
A Shropshire Lad, of course. Glaring omission.
Mate of the Bloke, perhaps, with its Monsters of Rock-type bands who could fit their audiences in a church hall (always really reminds me of The Story of Anvil, that one).
Eno Collaboration has a foot in both camps, doesn’t it? You could say that Eno and Bono are “targets” of the song, but the narrator/subject of the song is a generic Eno-ified musician who knows Bono (or claims to).
24 November 2014
dickhead in quicksand
Also (tsk, glaring omission) Whit Week Malarkey.
25 November 2014
EXXo
Half of ‘Monmore’ is that kind of satire of generic Britpop and half of it is why I can’t get out of bed to do that stuff & why I’m in the bookies instead. So it deffo counts as another classic example.
25 November 2014
Jeff Dreadnought
Well spotted. Bands that play low-key warm-up gigs (Whit Wheek Malarky), dial-a-Weller-gram Britpop bands (Monmore), and of course Secret Gig bands trying out their drummer’s new material in a live environment all need adding to the list. And what about bands that get a bit pompous with what they call their fan clubs (P.R.S. Yearbook), and the ones that have become ridiculous with their strategies and logistics (Asparagus)?
25 November 2014
bobby svarc
And I thought it was Vans for the last 9 years, you live and learn
25 November 2014
Jeff Dreadnought
I suspect if you’ve been hearing vans, it may well be vans. Must admit I’ve always thought it was about bands that turned gigs into a big strategic/logistical exercise rather than just getting in the van and going from A to B. But I’ve not been kind to my ears over the years, so I might have got that wrong.
25 November 2014
Chris The Siteowner
Bands/Vans in “Asparagus”? It’s one of those which we never solved but everyone seems fairly certain “their” take on it is right.
25 November 2014
toastkid
I vote “vans” – both have no relation to the rest of the song, but “transit vans” is a thing, which has become increasingly full-featured over the years, hence strategies and logistics. I’ve never heard anyone use the phrase “transit bands” before, though it’s obvious what it would mean if it were used. I don’t think amateur bands have “logistics” do they – what would this mean in the context of a touring indie band?
Also, more simply, it sounds more like “vans” than “bands”.
25 November 2014
toastkid
Jeff Dreadnought – exactly. The lyric says “I know Bono”, so Bono *can’t* be the narrator (and thus the target) of Eno Collaboration.
25 November 2014
MICK EZ
I Think that over the years they (HMHB) have hired lots of vans starting with the humble amateur transit van and worked their way up to the 2005 version which wasn’t anything like a van as they knew it, hence, “vans today are ridiculous etc”
25 November 2014
Jeff Dreadnought
OK, you’ve convinced me to leave the “band” camp and join the “van” camp. No Asparagus on the “generic musician” list, then.
Yes to New York Skiffle, though.
25 November 2014
dickhead in quicksand
They used a humble amateur Transit van? Wasn’t that on BAITDHSS?
+1 vans.
25 November 2014
Jeff Dreadnought
And what about Mileage Chart? Platform-shoe-wearing glam rock bands (and their successors) with their aspirations of superstardom and high chart placings?
And talking of chart placings, I forgot A Country Practice, too.
Also thought about Split Single With Happy Lounge Labelmates, but not sure. I don’t think it’s the bands/musicians who are being satirised.
25 November 2014
Chris The Siteowner
We’ve had a few fairly specific place name-related lists above, but the guys from Half Man Half Bike Kit have been in touch with this request:
“After three and a half years, we’ve finally got round to producing what we think is a near-comprehensive list of the destinations we have to cycle to. However, we’re confident that the HMHB community won’t be shy about notifying us of any omissions or errors, so we wondered if we might invite some scrutiny?”
The list is here. Don’t forget, we’re only dealing with places in the UK. Any omissions spotted will be gratefully received in the comments below.
22 November 2015
Jeff Dreadnought
The Blob Shop?
22 November 2015
gok wan acolyte
Red Rocks (a SSSI), depending on the tides could be done the same day as Hilbre.
22 November 2015
EXXO
Should think you can do all the Wirral ones in one long summer’s day. Start out at Chester maybe, then Stoak (for St. Lawrence’s and the whole Gwatkin petrochemical plant Cresta canal shapeshifting thing), then Woodside Farm to Mollington, then head to Heswall & the Dee estuary from there. As GWA says, time it right for the tides.
You should really include Stapledon Woods and other inlay info, such as all the ‘Four Lads’ inlay places, Cammell Lairds, CLSC, and of course the places from the Exford letters not least Oxton, but then you might need a whole weekend.
Woodchurch Lane is in Prenton not Tranmere by the way lads.
And you’ve got Heston but no Preston. Methinks all that biking around means you’re not Soccer AM viewers.
23 November 2015
EXXO
Backs, The.
If you’re counting ‘Accy Stanley’ as a place reference, then is TNS a place reference too? … fortunately though Oswestry is already on the list, and you’ve already done it.
I had no idea you’d done such a good proportion actually. Thank goodness for Adam Boyle, Mileage Chart and Westward Ho! for keeping it interesting.
Talking of which I think you’ve put the wrong song for Delph.
23 November 2015
Jeff Dreadnought
The itinerary should probably also include a visit to the current holder of the title of Best Kept Village in every county where the competition is held.
23 November 2015
Dr Desperate
My home town, Preston. (RARIFOBW)
23 November 2015
EXXO
Interesting inclusion of ‘Bridge Street’ there. Will you be taking in the local polytechnic and the college as well (perhaps near the pedestrianised High Street)?
But seriously ‘Dock Road’ is missing. A very real place despite what’s in the A-Z about the Liverpool one. I’d do the Wallasey one, but look out for joy ride kids at night.
23 November 2015
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
I’d always taken Bridge Street to be in Birkenhead – there is one near the Tunnel entrance
23 November 2015
EXXO
Yeah but even if it wasn’t a fictional place, you’d need one with a railway bridge. I only know of one that qualifies on the Wirral, in Neston, and nobody’s getting a bus back from a gig to there.
23 November 2015
Jeff dReadnought
The Ghent/Gent debate over on the Brad Friedel thread got me thinking about how many “footie teams” are explicitly mentioned in the songs. The list is (surprisingly?) small (although it would be longer if it included the ones I’ve no doubt forgotten to include):
Club:
Gent (if we agree that the reference is to the club, Gent, not the place, Ghent)
Blackpool
Dukla Prague
Borussia Mönchengladbach
Honved
Jeunesse d’Esch
Chelsea
Accrington Stanley
Barcelona
Preston North End
International:
England
Fictional:
Mars
Chigley
13 December 2016
EXXO
Strømsgodset, Keith, Elgin, Nairn & Brora, the Azzurri, Brasil, TNS, Farnborough Town …
(it’s no coincidence that all the places in ‘Enschede’ are major European Cup / UEFA Cup level football cities, “Ordinary to ” being a fotball travel reference, but I agree the teams are not mentioned. Similarly Saltergate & Layer Road are grounds not teams).
13 December 2016
EXXO
Fictional: Eintracht Oblong.
13 December 2016
EXXO
Plus the three Sunday league teams from ‘On the ‘Roids’. Pubs with all three of the names play in same Sunday leagues that NB used to play in.
13 December 2016
parsfan
Standard Liege
13 December 2016
Jeff dreadnought
Not that small a list after all, then. Got a dead leg from kicking myself over some of those. Some of the references are to the fans rather than the teams, but I agree that if Chigley belong on the list, so do they.
So the Biscuit League table looks like this:
Team Played Points
TNS 17 51
Brora 21 50
Farnborough 21 44
Strømsgodset 30 44
Chelsea 15 37
Honved 19 34
Keith 22 33
Gent. 18. 32
Barcelona 15 31
Blackpool. 20. 30
Preston. 20. 28
Standard 17 28
Elgin 16 27
Stanley. 20. 21
Jeunesse. 13. 17
Borussia M. 14. 16
Dukla Prague 16. 16
The Black Horse – ? ?
The Brown Cow – ? ?
The Plough – ? ?
I’ve entered the Stromsgødset first team rather than the under-5s, who one feels might struggle against the likes of Barcelona. And anyway it keeps Chelsea out of the Champions League places.
You’d have thought TNS would have opened up a bigger gap, having won all of their 17 games so far.
Exxo: any idea how the three pub teams are getting on this season?
Update – now a spreadsheet. See note below. – CtSO
13 December 2016
Jeff dreadnought
Sorry, forgot Nairn, who are two points above Jeunesse d’Esch (19 after 13 games).
13 December 2016
EXXO
Not very well. They’ve folded as the pubs closed down or changed names. The Plough in Moreton surely threw up most of the ringers and I think that’s now a Tesco. The Black Horse were a successful outfit & played on for years after the pub changed its name but don’t seem to exist any more. The Brown Cow in Bebington was never quite the same after the whole mafia murdery shenanigans.
13 December 2016
Chris The Siteowner
Ooh, I like the table. Here it is as a spreadsheet. If anyone wants access to update it, just email me.
13 December 2016
EXXO
Great stuff. Often thought of posting an occasional round-up of how all Biscuit-referenced teams are doing. But this covers that nicely. Love the PPG.
Getting a bit worried about Dukla this season. Pribram (who if you recall took over Dukla’s registration for a while) look doomed but after that Dukla are one of at least 6 teams battling to avoid the other spot.
13 December 2016
Jeff dreadnought
Great spreadsheet, Chris. I like the addition of the “playing in” column, too, with a strong showing for the Highland Football League.
You never know, if UEFA get wind of it, there may be a Europa League spot on offer for the winner.
13 December 2016
EXXO
The generally high number of points per game somewhat belies Mr. B’s apparent fondness for the underdog. The average PPG in most leagues must be what about 1.35 ?? Only 3 of those clubs look to be struggling significantly below that.
13 December 2016
Jeff dReadnought
Although of course not all the references are fond ones. Is there an inverse correlation between PPG and likelihood of wanting a team’s away kit for Christmas?
13 December 2016
dr desperate
There is one team (not in a lyric but discussed here recently) whose away kit would definitely not be wanted, and whose PPG is currently 0.69.
13 December 2016
EXXO
I suppose I really meant, as I’ve said on here before, that it’s a lazy cliché of articles about HMHB that Nigel references “obscure European football teams”.
13 December 2016
dr desperate
Luton Town FC EFL 2 20 32 1.6
Milwall FC EFL 1 20 28 1.4
13 December 2016
EXXO
Doh, well played John. Took me ages to work out the other club you alluded to, by the way. Current away kit is OK – seems to have thin yellow hoops, slightly chevronned upwards, on silver-grey
13 December 2016
Jeff dReadnought
Drama last night as non-league Farnborough Town’s disappointing draw at Egham saw them slip out of the Champions League places (despite being the only team in the Biscuit League to play last night).
Luton and Millwall come straight in at 10th and 15th respectively thanks to Dr D.
We already have an identical games played, points won, PPG situation (Millwall/Preston). I don’t think head-to-head records are going to help much here.
14 December 2016
dr desperate
Likewise if we include England (along with Chelsea and Accy Stanley), whose most recent PPGs are 2.5 in World Cup 2018 qualifiers and 1.25 in Euro 2016.
14 December 2016
Dirk Hofman
Nice to see some real work going on here, so I guess it’s the context of the reference in the lyrics that would qualify a place in the league. After all most places mentioned have active football teams, so from the other week Aldershot beating Borehamwood with Idris the chiseller Kanu scoring the winner would be irrelevant ..
15 December 2016
Jeff dReadnought
Record-breaking exploits from runaway Biscuit League leaders TNS over the festive period, with their 27th win in a row making it 21 out of 21 for them this season. The world record for consecutive domestic league wins was previously held by Ajax.
Still in second place in the BL are Chelsea, whose attempt at a new Premiership record of 14 straight wins was ended with a 2-0 defeat at Spurs.
The only team with a mathematical chance of catching TNS are bottom-of-the-league Strømsgodset, who could move up from last to first if they win their opening fixture of the new Tippeligaen season beginning in April.
5 January 2017
Jeff dReadnought
Having suffered a minor wobble after losing their 100% record at Newtown thanks to Jamie Price’s dramatic equaliser in stoppage time, The New Saints of Oswestry Town & Llansantffraid have steadied the ship and go sailing on serenely at the top of the Biscuit League, leaving Chelsea in their wake. Further down the league, Luton Town and Millwall continue to scrap over the lilo on the sea of alright. Standard Liège appear to be sinking fast after a woeful run of just one win in twelve matches.
13 March 2017
EXXO
For St. David’s Day, a top ten HMHB songs celebrating Wales – what have I missed?
1. Evening of Swing. A majestic medieval dream vision of apocalypse set amongst the boulders strewn between GlyderFach and Glyder Fawr. The first syllable alone has more gravitas than most singers manage in a lifetime.
2. Mod Diff V Diff Hard Severe. More majestic evocations of Snowdonia. Dreams again, this time wheeling on thermals. Desperate vertiginous guitars.
3. With Goth on Our Side. From Abersoch to Prestatyn, the destinations for the holidays of a Merseyside childhood, OK for a week or two but no place for someone who’d rather be entertaining Gipton Goth teenagers in his shed.
4. Bottleneck at Capel Curig. On our way to the Llyn Peninsula when we were small, stuck in the bottleneck blues.
5. Lord Hereford’s Knob. Twmpa, Twmpa, you’re gonna need a jumper. Less so in Three Cocks.
6. Descent of the Stiperstones. A song that crosses the border from the Shropshire hills to get lost in the barmiest little shop in mid-Wales.
7. Emergency Locksmith. Evocatively set beside the gushing River Glaslyn in Beddgelert, beside the fraudulent tourist-trap grave.
8. Improv Workshop Mimeshow Gobshite. In Barmouth where the bathing is safe, you can wade out for miles.
9. Depressed Beyond Tablets. Because when you have been, a bike ride through those Clwydian Hills will do wonders.
10. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdOJziRZXIM
Honourable mentions for the cousin in Tredegar (Secret Gig), Bill in Hay-on-Wye (Nove show listener), Point of Ayr (I Trog/£24.99/Clear Day), the Marshy Berwyn (Bagutte Dilemna), the girl from Machynlleth (Floreat Inertia) etc, Kinmel Bay (The Announcement), the way from Loggerheadds to Hope and the “shoals of tope” (Fear My Wraith – I have it on good authority that the fish are another childhood Llyn Peninsula holiday memory).
I bet I’ve missed something obvious…
1 March 2019
Transit full of keith
Five mile hike around the Ogwen lake
1 March 2019
CARRIE ANNE
Cemaes Bay (On Reaching The Wensun)
1 March 2019
CARRIE ANNE
Late entry, The Patron Saint of Llandudno.
1 March 2019
EXXO
Thanks K & K, I knew I’d missed at least a few, plus of course the towering glory that is Song of Encouragement for the Orme Ascent.Thus we see that at least 8% of the HMHB ouevre celebrates the general welshness of Wales.
Whereas (6Music talent take note), only 1% – maybe max 2% – has any reference to Liverpool.
1 March 2019
dr desperate
Excellent work, Exxo, llongyfarchiadau!
A few more:
Bob Wilson – Anchorman (Gwent).
A Shropshire Lad (Chirk Airfield).
Keeping Two Chevrons Apart (Abergele).
David Wainwright’s Feet (Snowdon).
Upon Westminster Bridge (Bangor-on-Dee).
Speaking of which, that old snake they call the Dee, and the Severn.
Welsh celebs mentioned include Mike Peters, the Manics, Man (Welsh rockers), Nerys Hughes and Mary Hopkin. Also TNS (the Llansantffraid-ym-Mechain contingent). Not to mention Mr Gruffydd in “How Green Was My Valley”. Possibly Duff Leg Bryn.
Cardiff covers: Calon Lân (2011) and Sospan Fach (2016).
Crossword answers: GOWER and RIENI (Welsh for parents).
2 March 2019
Brumbiscuit
No. 10 on Exxo’s list was a superb gig.My second best ever HMHB gig, to be precise. Only eclipsed by Dean Friedman’s appearance at the Robin.
Shame The Point is now defunct.
2 March 2019
Pirx the purist
The word for parent is ‘RHIENI’, but given that ‘ch’, ‘dd’, ‘ff’, ‘ng’, ‘ll’, ‘ph’, ‘rh’ and ‘th’ are considered single letters, it would still fit unless the ‘rh’ intersected with another clue.
2 March 2019
dr desperate
That was one of the problems when attempting a solution to the NOCAYCHSGYFHC crossword. As it happens there is no intersection – there’s even a blank cell above the entry for 29 down where ‘RH’ could have fitted.
(For what it’s worth, several ‘Information for Parents’ leaflets from Welsh schools spell it ‘RIENI’.)
3 March 2019
Pirx the purist
That’s ‘cos of our mutation system, whereby a word may change according to what word is before it, or by its rôle in the sentence.
In this case, I assume that the original was ‘Gwybodaeth i Rieni’. The pronoun ‘i’ (= ‘for’, ‘to’) causes ‘rh’ to become ‘r’.
3 March 2019
EXXO
Nice one Doc, I literally thought of and then forgot some of them as I typed, as it was basically an email to Stephens/Lachlan Young /Lamacq,, during Friday’s programme in which Lachlan Young had referenced HMHB in some supposed ‘poem’ about L’pool, and Huw Stephens was not playing any HMHB to celebrate St. David’s Day.
Pigeon holes. And the percentage should be at ;least 15%.
TBF, Lachlan Young also referenced Probe in his piece. About 2-2.30 Friday?
4 March 2019
dr desperate
Thanks, @Exxo. Jane Weaver also mentioned Probe (the shop) during a ‘pool playlist for Mary Anne Hobbs the other day.
Indeed (to goodness), @Pirx.
4 March 2019
transit full of keith
Biscuit-themed beer spotted by many-aliased guitarist:
https://twitter.com/CharlieJalapeno/status/1125063879783010304
7 May 2019
EXXO
Thanks for reminding me, Keith. How about a collaborative list of things/people/places that get the piss ripped from them more than once in HMHB lyrics. With our man obviously prioritising all of the lyrics not sounding the same, it’s actually not going to be a massive list, but surely an interesting one …
So I’ll start with goths. Piss ripped on a bouncy castle, ripped in Wales/West Yorks, ripped in Chris from Future Doom (Gothic-influenced death metal?) but goth music getting a bit of random respect in ‘Irk the Purists’?
11 August 2020
TRANSIT FULL OF keith
Can only think of obvious generic irritant categories: “bands that take themselves too seriously”, “witless sports commentators”, “D-list celebrities”, “aggravating neighbours” and the like. Not sure they fit the brief…
11 August 2020
EXXO
They don’t. because they could be lists in themselves. Religion for example doesn’t fit, too general, that is a massive list in itself . We’ve done that (more than once) and disgareed (more than once).
However, Jesus – and the daft things people say about him – does fit.
11 August 2020
EXXO
The band Yes is a kind of hidden repeated one, as I’ve mentioned elsewhere. Tales from Topographic Oceans and “the Geezer with the double-necked guitar” is obvious, but the reference to Grocer Jack also takes the piss out of the tosser-into-the-crowd of the plectrum treasured by the other person (who could possibly be be Simon B?) i.e. the very same geezer, and then of course the Roger Dean posters (which again could possibly have been put up in their teenage room by Simon B?)
11 August 2020
EXXO
Holidays in Spain: San Antonio Foam Party, gone to Spain with a load of mates from work, Magaluf.
11 August 2020
EXXO
Bono x 2 + the Edge (+U2 in live performances of Paintball)
11 August 2020
TRANSIT FULL OF keith
Can’t think of any… But now I’m reminded of this Lists thread, here are some
Things in Biscuit Songs which are also in Fall songs
Leigh-on-Sea
Arthur Askey
Iceland
(William) Blake(y)
Captain Beefheart
Alan Brazil
The Fall
The riff at the end of Every Time A Bell Rings
Jesus
Richard and Judy
11 August 2020
EXXO
That’s a mighty fine list. And open to some more riff suggestions I’d warrant. Someone remind me about the riff for Tommy Walsh? Pavement covering which Fall tune?
11 August 2020
this leaden paul
Another subject shared by HMHB and MES : Mozzer
One might also draw some sort of line between “Kicker Conspiracy” and “…Gates Are Low”.
12 August 2020
transit full of keith
True that. I also have a hazy memory of seeing a performance of 24HGP on youtube which included a cry of “Snicker! Snicker Conspiracy!” (in reference to the renamed Marathon).
12 August 2020
JEFF dreadnought
I’ve gleaned the following list of song references from The Voltarol Years (to be added to the future revised edition of the And Black Lace Can’t Sue list above). Any additional suggestions welcome.
Get Me The Church on Time – Frederick Loewe and Alan Jay Lerner
See You Later, Alligator – originally written and recorded by Bobby Charles and later by Bill Haley and His Comets (presumably also performed in a west end of Rhyl pub by a broken-hearted man in a nudie suit)
Christmas Time (Is Here Again) – The Beatles
The Sky Boat Song – Trad arr. tune courtesy of Anne Campbelle MacLeod, lyrics written by Sir Harold Boulton, 2nd Baronet
I Am The Walrus – The Beatles (possibly too tenuous for inclusion)
He’s So Fine – written by Ronnie Mack, recorded by The Chiffons
Red Light Spells Danger – Billy Ocean (a shot from outside the penalty area – but is it possible that this was the song playing on the radio before He’s So Fine?)
John Brown’s Body – Anon
Complete Control – The Clash
Remote Control – The Clash
Sing to God – Cardiacs (all ten songs on the album would presumably have to be included)
Cwm Rhondda – Text by William Williams, Melody by John Hughes
Do-Re-Mi – Rodgers and Hammerstein
His Grace Will Lead Us Through – Mary MacDonald (a Nayim-from-the-halfway-line effort, may or may not fly over Seaman’s head)
Die Moritat von Mackie Messer – Kurt Weill and Bertolt Brecht
12 April 2022
EXXO
I’m not really a fan of including the tenuous ones meself, Jeff, but two more definites are ‘Let’s Go Pony’ by the Routers (Duncan & Duncan), 1962 and ‘Ah, sweet Mystery of Life’ Rida Johnson Young & Victor Herbert, 1910.
12 April 2022
Jeff Dreadnought
Cheers for the additions, Exxo. Let’s Go Pony – of course! And yeah, probably need to stick to the definites and cast off the pet theories (I might make a separate list of those and call it “pet sounds”). I like His Grace Will Lead Us Through as it seems to fit nicely into a token Covid song, but like Pedro Mendes’ effort against Man Utd in 2005, it would be disappointingly disallowed by the ref.
12 April 2022
woodnoggin
“I am the godfather of nothing whatsoever” could be a play on “I am the god of hellfire”, especially in the way both lyrics are growled. So you might add The Crazy World of Arthur Brown – Fire to the list.
Also, Sing to God has 22 songs on it – it’s a two disc double album.
12 April 2022
Jeff dreadnought
Thanks for putting me straight on the Cardiacs album, Woodnoggin. Not sure where I got ten songs from. I should probably give it a listen.
Fire would be another long shot, I feel, but not out of the question. Like Paul Robinson’s free kick against Watford in 2007, maybe.
12 April 2022
Jeff Dreadnought
Updated list of songs referred to on TVY:
Psycho – Leon Payne (Jack
Kittel version)
Get Me The Church on Time – Frederick Loewe and Alan Jay Lerner
See You Later, Alligator – Bobby Charles
Christmas Time (Is Here Again) – The Beatles
The Sky Boat Song – Trad arr. tune courtesy of Anne Campbelle MacLeod, lyrics written by Sir Harold Boulton, 2nd Baronet
He’s So Fine – written by Ronnie Mack, recorded by The Chiffons
John Brown’s Body – Anon
Complete Control – The Clash
Remote Control – The Clash
Sing to God – Cardiacs (double album)
Cwm Rhondda – Text by William Williams, Melody by John Hughes
Do-Re-Mi – Rodgers and Hammerstein, sung by Julie Andrews
Die Moritat von Mackie Messer – Kurt Weill and Bertolt Brecht
Let’s Go Pony – The Routers (Duncan & Duncan)
Ah! Sweet Mystery Of Life – Rida Johnson Young & Victor Herbert (Nelson Eddy and Jeanette MacDonald version)
5 May 2022
EXXO
He just said it was “a sister song.” Thematically, one supposes. It’s not referred to.
5 May 2022
JEff Dreadnought
@Exxo You’re right of course. I think when I started the original list it was supposed to be “the songs that inspired the songs”, not just songs referred to directly, but that would be a very long list indeed, and pretty much impossible to compile.
5 May 2022