A spin-off from Those No Longer In Need Of Season Tickets, where we’re respectfully recording the passing of anyone mentioned in an HMHB song. Here, we can all speculate about who’s going next and organise some sort of competitive predicting. Over 200 still to go, so plenty to choose from.
CARRIE ANNE
There are lots of death pools on the go out there, for example “Doug Stanhope’s Celebrity Death Pool” (Rule No. 1 Thou shalt not murder thy picks…).
Of course, by limiting choices to those waiting to hand back their season tickets, it would have to be a simplified version. And no prizes, just for fun.
18 July 2019
EXXO
A real blast from the past, this suggestion – we did the HMHB Death Pool thing in the early noughties on the old Yahoo mailing list. Seem to remember the only definite winner was the Queen Mum. Maybe the Pope too, not sure.
18 July 2019
lord leominster
I thought the idea was too good for me to have thought of it first.
18 July 2019
EXXO
But I hasten to add (my most used phrase in the history of this site, due to the lack of my accustomed ‘edit’ feature),that was in no way a negative response – I would welcome the revival, and with more participants on here, we might get a result every year or so … because now that I think (Mike C? Taylo? :oop? Could you confirm?) I’m not entirely sure we ever had a result. I think it might even have been my suggestion of a rule that the Queen Mum was not allowed as she was like 100, poorly, and an raging alkie, so by far the most likely to pop. I think I had Sven Hassel most of the time. Someone else was adamant that Macca was about to croak.
But as CtSO suggests, Biscuit-referenced celebs are nowbunched up in a holding pattern for their dead parrot sketches, so why not give it a go?
19 July 2019
Lord leominster
If only I had read the introduction and comment 1 of this thread first. But now that I’ve mentioned it, my thinking was along the lines of a Baguette Dilemma competition to select the person you would most like to die first. Mr Edmonds or Paul Ross? See, it’s not easy (or perhaps it is). I appreciate that this would involve an awful lot of work, especially in compiling the list of suitable candidates, which also defeats the object of this thread. So I’ll stop now. It was just a thought that would be highly impractical to implement.
20 July 2019
dr desperate
Well, you say that, @Milord…
By my calculations there are 371 individual ticketholders identifiable by name (full, first, sur- or nick-) in the Songbook.
136 are already dead, of whom 69 appear in the list above, leaving 234 to feature in any potential death pool. Their ages range from 34 to 95 (any guesses as to who those outliers might be?)
94 are already past their allotted span of three score and ten, though I would remind everyone of Carrie’s Rule No 1 above.
20 July 2019
dr desperate
Having said that, and without wishing ill to anyone, I think Yoko’s onscreen appearance at this year’s Manchester International Festival opening ceremony would make her a decent each-way bet.
20 July 2019
Lux inferior
Doc – I’m guessing the younger of the outliers is Froome-dog?
Tommy Walsh will be next.
20 July 2019
EXXo
The Curse of Frugabe! Good band name.
But yeah old Bob’s in Singapore in all kinds of treatment innit, so yeah, same as Queen Mum was back then really, good illustration of how anticipating the death of old and infirm curse victims is not a particularly fair game …But then,what is?
20 July 2019
dr desperate
Correctamundo, both.
20 July 2019
EXXO
So, yeah. I’m having Robert Gabriel Mugabe (21 February 1924 – )
20 July 2019
dr desperate
Anyone care to pick one of the two remaining 90-year-olds?
22 July 2019
LUX INFERIOR
I’d nominate Chomsky if I hadn’t already plumped for plucky outsider Tommy Walsh.
22 July 2019
LUX INFERIOR
Bloody hell Doc, help us out. I spent the whole of yesterday evening trying to identify the other nonagenarian in the pantheon and it’s doing my nut in. Gizza clue.
23 July 2019
CARRIE ANNE
I see what you’ve done there. I’ll take on Mr. Twinkle-Toes.
23 July 2019
dr desperate
In case that clue isn’t enough, Carrie has picked Mr Blair (Lionel, not the other war criminal). The other nonagenarian remains free for no(a)mination.
After that we could move on to the 21 octogenarians.
23 July 2019
EXXO
So the second and third oldest surviving cursees were born within five days of each other, both to Russian Jewish parents in North America, ninety-one winters ago? Karen is presumably aware that Blair’s parents did not live long lives, and although Chomsky has already outlived his parents’ average by 15 years, others my actually (and actuarily) fancy some of the younger cursees to go first.
23 July 2019
LoRd leominster
Nick fucking Knowles
23 July 2019
mister tubbs
Given that we’re still none the wiser as to the contents of the infamous jiffy bag, I’ll take a wild punt on Wiggo
23 July 2019
EXXO
Before it gets too onerous for CtSO, do we need a sub-thread for this, as it will dominate the original one otherwise?
(Update: This is now it – CtSO)
Celebs taken so far: Wiggo (39), Nick Fucking Knowles (56), who everyone on the HMHB FaceAche knows to be “a really nice bloke”, Tommy Walsh (62), Lionel B. Ogus (90) and Robert Gabriel Mugabe (95)
23 July 2019
PETER MCORNITHOLOGISTh
Pat Boone hopefully .
23 July 2019
dr desperate
I’ll firm up my nomination of Yoko Ono (86).
23 July 2019
lord leominster
Nick F. Knowles may well indeed be a really nice bloke
But the fates around these parts are ruthless
And sometimes just want people dead
24 July 2019
BOBBY SVARC
Bobby Svarc
25 July 2019
Alice van der meer
It probably just shows that I wasn’t a small-town football club supporter in the 1970s (at least in part due to not being born until 71), but I had to look Bobby Svarc up, and can’t help feeling that one of us might have written this line – even without the HMHB reference.
“After a career spent banging ’em in, Bobby then set about keeping ’em out and has been successfully achieving that ever since, for after scoring goals, he set up his own burglar alarm business in Blackburn and is still plying his trade in the town.[2] Svarc is mentioned in the Half Man Half Biscuit song Fear My Wraith from the 1995 album Some Call It Godcore.”
25 July 2019
Bobby Svarc
Bobby off the Saff
25 July 2019
EXXO
@Alice – I seem to rember that the word play in the first sentence from Wikipedia you quote has been taken from an old local newspaper article in Blackburn about Svarc’s business (link to that article in the song thread now broken), but the next line about the HMHB reference was certainly put there by Mike from Cov who used to post on here prolifically as Dickhead in Quicksand, at the time when his life’s mission was trying to transfer as many HMHB references as possible to the relevant Wikipedia pages. Good to see his recent reappearance. *waves*. Hi Mike.
26 July 2019
Alice van der meer
Well, whatever the source, it fits and it’s a cracker.
*Wouldn’t recognise Mike if he came up and bit me but I’ll wave anyway*
26 July 2019
LUX INFERIOR
Now that Mugabe has pegged it, are we permitted to change our original Death Pool nominations for the next round? If so, having caught a snippet of ‘Celebrity’ Masterchef the other day, I’ll have Razor Ruddock. He can’t have long left.
9 September 2019
EXXO
Yes. I don’t know of a Death Pool that doesn’t allow all to re-set after a fatality (that’s when I first said, that’s when I first said, the Siteowner would wish he’d given this its own thread sooner rather than later).
9 September 2019
EXXO
Anyone got Bobby Svarc in the HMHB Death Pool?
Tends to follow Jim Smith
https://www.gazette-news.co.uk/sport/18093483.former-colchester-united-manager-jim-smith-died/
11 December 2019
lord leominster
I believe it’s Bobby Svarc.
11 December 2019
EXXO
Oh yeah. That’s an excuse for a reminder of the cursees taken so far:
Mr. Tubbs – Wiggo (39),
Leommy – Nick Fucking Knowles (56)
Lux Info has dropped Tommy Walsh (62) in favour of Razor Ruddock (51)
Karen – Lionel B. Ogus (90)
Exxo – Noam Chomsky (95)
Peter Mc – Pat Boone (85)
Bobby Svarc – Bobby Svarc (73)
Dr. Des – Yoko Ono (86)
Reminder of the main rule:
* Re-selections are only allowed (for everyone) when one of us wins.
Reminder of the score:
1-0 to Exxo (goal-hanger) who had Mugabe.
11 December 2019
hendrix-tattoo
Nerys Hughes(78)
11 December 2019
Lord leominster
Am switching horses. Disappointed to learn (from reading the ACP thread) that “Her Majesty, marvellous, Mother – The Musical” does not refer to both the queen and the queen mother (as I hear it) but only to the one who has already died. If I’m wrong about that then I nominate HMtQ. Otherwide I’m going for Sting (I think he’s still alive – can’t be bothered to check). It’s a bit like changing your lottery ticket numbers: Nick Knowles had better have a long, healthy life.
11 December 2019
EXXO
We’ll have to stick that you can only switch when someone wins or it’s chaos. Mayhem. Police cars. Ambulances. Ambulance chasers.
11 December 2019
Lord leominster
Fingers crossed for Nick Knowles, then. That’s a relief, really. It’s bad luck to change.
11 December 2019
Alice van der meer
If we are having a Death Pool (of sorts), could I have rubber-faced irritant Phil Cool (71), please?
12 December 2019
EXXO
I’m with you on that one GWA. We wouldn’t want to start any lovely/ugly rumours.
Good to see some new blood joining the pool, taking us healthily into double figures. So it’s:
Alice – Phil Cool (71)
H-Tat – Nerys Hughes (75)
Mr. Tubbs – Wiggo (39),
Leommy – Nick Fucking Knowles (56)
Lux Info has dropped Tommy Walsh (62) in favour of Razor Ruddock (51)
Karen – Lionel B. Ogus (90)
Exxo – Noam Chomsky (95)
Peter Mc – Pat Boone (85)
Bobby Svarc – Bobby Svarc (73)
Dr. Des – Yoko Ono (86)
Reminder of the main rule:
* Re-selections are only allowed (for everyone) when one of us wins.
Of course this would not prevent a newbie from picking someone who’d just been rushed into intensive care. We might have to think about that.
If I had my choice again I reckon I’d pick a certain 86 year-old Wallaseyan, not through any insight or even second sight, but a definite inner vision.
12 December 2019
IDIOT SAUL
How!
How do I select Bunty James (86) for the Death Pool?
I’m guessing that you wouldn’t allow me to pick Shot Keen and claim victory in one fell swoop.
12 December 2019
EXXO
Selected with aplomb there Saul, I’m sure we’d all agree. A better bet than Sally James, probably.
As for Keeno, I must admit reading The Scorcher as a kid I’d always assumed he was long deceased by the time the strip started in 1970. But this ‘fan fiction’ effort has him living on till 1980. https://www.thedaisycutter.co.uk/2012/03/the-life-and-times-of-dead-shot-keen/
… but then why would the storyline miss a chance bring him together with the inconsistent young goalsmith?
There’s a new compilation out in Feb, though whether they’re unveiling any new material I’m not sure.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Billys-Boots-1-Fred-Baker/dp/1781086710
It’s a shame in a way that DSK couldn’t be selected, as we could have him up front with Bobby, now that we’re up to XI selections. I’m not sure what poistion Bunty would play but I’ve heard she’s nippy. I also well remember the Liver Birds episode when Nerys Hughes played footy (a non-Carla Lane episode written by some stereotype-comedy hacks). Not much aplomb in evidence.
12 December 2019
dirk hofman
I’d like to see how far out I can be with Ronnie Boyce ..
12 December 2019
BOBBY SVARC
Bobby and Ronnie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_c3o9LRHTI
13 December 2019
Intheshadowoflilly
Can I snag Miriam Stoppard (82)?
Just wishful thinking on my part admittedly.
17 December 2019
BOBBY SVARC
I think I’d snag Mirriam Stoppard, the trouble for me would be her surname.
17 December 2019
EXXO
Good to see cold, hard actuarial calculations entering into more of the choices recently. We now have enough for a Rugby League team, only 3 of the team under 70, and an average age over 74, but without those 3 outliers average age 82.
Alice – Phil Cool (71)
H-Tat – Nerys Hughes (75)
Mr. Tubbs – Wiggo (39),
Leommy – Nick Fucking Knowles (56)
Lux Info has dropped Tommy Walsh (62) in favour of Razor Ruddock (51)
Karen – Lionel B. Ogus (90)
Exxo – Noam Chomsky (95)
Peter Mc – Pat Boone (85)
Bobby Svarc – Bobby Svarc (73)
Dr. Des – Yoko Ono (86)
Idiot Saul – Bunty James (86)
Dirk Hofman(‘s Motorhomes) – Ronnie Boyce (nearly 77)
Intheshadowoflilly – Miriam Stoppard (82)
17 December 2019
EXXO
And thanks for the thread Chris 🙂
17 December 2019
CARRIE ANNE
Not that it will make much difference, but Lionel Blair has recently celebrated his 91st.
17 December 2019
103-V-594
Great thread. I’ll take Dino Zoff (77) please.
17 December 2019
Chris The Siteowner
In case the deadline is tonight, I’ll take Stuart Boam (71) please. A genuinely random selection.
31 December 2019
lord leominster
Having spent all morning in a C-word planning meeting the idea of a death pool doesn’t seem quite so jolly, now. Sorry about that.
16 March 2020
professor abelazar woozle
I’ll let the good Reverend pass comment on mortality….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXPh7EbB1Tw
16 March 2020
Lord leominster
Well, I think Kenneth Wolstenholme summed up the moment really well when he said “Just look at Nobby Stiles, 77.”
7 April 2020
Lux inferior
I think it’s time we considered introducing some sort of financial prize element to our HMHB Death Pool.
Obviously this has nothing to do with my increasing confidence in the rapidly decreasing life expectancy of ‘Razor’ Ruddock, after watching last night’s “Harry’s Heroes: Euro Having a Laugh”.
19 May 2020
EXXO
My man Chomsky was, thankfully, still hitting it out of the park in interviews as of yesterday (not that it takes much hitting at the moment). I’m just waiting for someone else (like Crazy Razor) to pop, so I can change my selection to Dickie Davies. So no financial investment from me.
19 May 2020
Lord leomimster
I see Razor Ruddock is in the news today with a story about his life saving heart surgery. If we are to believe what we are told apparently he has already died on the operating table. Looks like Lux Inferior is backing a winner.
7 June 2020
TRANSIT FULL OF keith
“Clinically dead for several seconds” apparently. He’s now the Schrodinger’s Cat of the HMHB Death Pool. Surely a bit of controversy, etc.
7 June 2020
Lord leominster
Does that make Razor eligible to join the short list (not shortlist) of those who have risen from the dead? Personally, I think not but I put it out there for consideration.
7 June 2020
EXXO
I have long known the moment would come when we had to address these complex medical and ethical questions: how long would a heart have to stop for before Lux could claim the points? In 2018 a 58 year-old patient in Texas was revived by defibrillation 38 minutes after his heart stopped; a few minutes is not as uncommon as you might think. Some may propose ‘brain death’ as the moment when points are awarded, but then the majority of those mentioned by HMHB would already be dead, and Razor Ruddock a case in point. I personally think that unfortunately we may have to stick with time-honoured tradition, and the issuing of an actual Death Certificate.
Meanwhile Lux is headlocked by a Razor apparently now in good heart and ruddier health than for some time …
7 June 2020
Lord leominster
As I stood in the newsagent this morning reading the headlines it occurred to me that I would have had very little idea, and about the same amount of interest, as to who Razor Ruddock actually is but for this website. (The lyrics ‘Ruddock’ and ‘Razor’ don’t sit together in the song.) And now the state of his health seems important.
7 June 2020
Lux inferior
Time to rethink your death pool nominees, should you wish, following the demise of Julian Bream (surprised no-one had him, given his age).
I’m sticking with Razor.
14 August 2020
Lux inferior
Oops. Ignore my previous post. Just re-read the rules – selections can only be changed after one of us nails a winner. As you were.
14 August 2020
lord leominster
Rules are for observance of fools and the guidance of wise men. I changed my selection ages ago, even though I happen to fall into the former category.
14 August 2020
EXXO
Yes, one is simply gagging to switch to Dickie Davies but it is not yet to be.
If there were points for column inches in the US alternative media however they’d have paid out on Chomsky months ago.
14 August 2020
EXXO
@Leommy – some kudos I suppose in being the only person to mention Nobby Stiles in this thread. Done rather enigmatically 6th months ago, perhaps with a tinge of regret that you were not allowed to change your selection?
Anyway, it seems like a good moment to bump this thread and “yes indeedy” to encourage more of you to “get involved.” I think the current list is:
Alice – Phil Cool (72)
H-Tat – Nerys Hughes (76)
Mr. Tubbs – Wiggo (40),
Leommy – Nick Fucking Knowles (57)
Lux Inferior – Razor Ruddock (52)
Karen – Lionel Blair (nearly 92)
Exxo – Noam Chomsky (nearly 92)
Peter Mc – Pat Boone (86)
Bobby Svarc – Bobby Svarc (74)
Dr. Des – Yoko Ono (87)
Idiot Saul – Bunty James (87)
Dirk Hofman – Ronnie Boyce (77)
Intheshadowoflilly – Miriam Stoppard (83)
103-V-594 Dino Zoff (78)
CtSO Stuart Boam (72)
Choose carefully – you can’t change your pick until one of the chosen joins those no longer in need of season tickets.
It’s well over a year now since we had our only winner (Mugabe).
31 October 2020
Lord leominster
The tinge of regret is that these are real people. Sincere condolences to Nobby’s family.
31 October 2020
Lord leominster
Having said that I’ll stick with Nick Knowles. Earlier this week I unwittingly caught an episode of Caught On Camera, or is it Near Misses? Whatever, it was truly awful.
31 October 2020
Cream CHEESE AND chives
Nobby Stiles lived on the same road as Morrissey in Stretford. Cannot imagine the former having much time for the latter. RIP Nobby.
31 October 2020
Lord leominster
With the recent deaths of Nobby Stiles and now David Prowse, not for the first time I’m having serious misgivings about this whole thread. I inadvertently started it by thinking up a game in the style of the Baguette Dilemma round of the Lux Familiar Cup to find our least popular Biscuit celeb. Now that I have opened Pandora’s box I carry the burden of responsibility for Nick F Knowles’ life.
29 November 2020
dr desperate
Don’t we all, in a very real sense, carry that burden?
29 November 2020
Lord leominster
I hadn’t thought of it that way. Thanks, a burden shared is a burden halved, or something like that. It has just occurred to me that at some point in the very distant future, let’s hope, someone will become the last surviving HMHB celeb. I doubt I will be around to see that but I now nominate NFK for that honour so that yin and yang comes into play and my conscience will be clean. What a relief!
[LL now awaits an explanation of Y&Y pointing out that it doesn’t work that way.]
29 November 2020
Lord leominster
OK, I’m spreading my bets. (I’ve not learned nothing from this site.)
29 November 2020
Lord leominsteR
Hedging my bets, dammit. (I have learned nothing, after all.)
29 November 2020
Lux inferior
Surprised to see no-one had Una in the death pool. Getting on for two years since our one and only winner.
12 August 2021
EXXO
In a while, necrophile.
12 August 2021
Lord leominster
I hereby grant Nick F Knowles a reprieve and instead predict a visitor for Mr Edmonds who, incidentally, appears to be missing from the A to Z of HMHB.
(Ooops, will fix – CtSO)
12 August 2021
EXXO
Once again we have to re-iterate the rules that, like our choices, we are stuck with, yes Until Death Someone’s Choice Doth Part
If we had more people involved, we’d be able to choose more often.
Shall I put you down for Wendy Craig then, Niall?
13 August 2021
EXXO
But what if we all had TWO picks each?? Thoughts??
13 August 2021
irish niall
I can’t believe I’m only wandering in here now.
This thread is very wrong. Very, very wrong.
I love it.
Put me down for Wendy then, bless her.
Very wrong 🙂
13 August 2021
OLLIE THE SQUID’S
LORD LEOMINSTER
‘The tinge of regret is that these are real people. Sincere condolences to Nobby’s family.’
It’s all just a laugh though, innit, what you post online? It don’t hurt no-one.
Really?? I’m off.
14 August 2021
Lord leominster
You’re right.
15 August 2021
EXXO
Hmm. If even a HMHB fan can misunderstand/be offended by the spirit of the thread, then perhaps we do need a rethink of where and how this subject matter is presented and discussed. Because CtSO is so good at the search engine popularity factor, very occasionally people who did/do actually know a minor celeb and do not necessarily understand the spirit of HMHB fandom do wander in to threads and make comments on Grant Baynham or whoever. This could easily happen one day when someone has just died and offence and hurt could, mistakenly, be taken. Indeed that probably will happen one day.
So yeah, happy to be part of a re-think.
15 August 2021
dr desperate
Yeah, Let’s Not.
15 August 2021
Brumbiscuit
I’ve avoided the thread, not out of any moral objection – I’ve had similar, informal guesses myself – it’s just that I’m uneasy about it being down in writing and formalised.
The NLINOST thread is different in that the deceased is gone, but has not been the subject of any speculation.
15 August 2021
Lord leominsTer
Agreed. Its introduction was an accident in the first place.
15 August 2021
dr desperate
RIP FVtH.
15 August 2021
EXXO
It’s getting buried in the morning, see you later undertaker, etc.
Personally I think death pools may largely owe their existence as a humanist scream by people who, every time they see ‘RIP’ posted on the interweb, can’t help thinking of the daftness of the theology that those three little letters express.
Anyway if anyone wants to continue the game in a members-only club where nobody can take offence, I’ll be there.
15 August 2021
Lord leominster
I think it for the best if the thread ceases. I only end up writing rubbish and contradicting myself which I think is what, quite understandably, annoyed Ollie The Squid. As it happens, I’d already decided to have a bit of a rest from posting on the site as I’ve not got very much to add to wealth of Biscuit knowledge and I’m annoying myself, let alone others.
15 August 2021
Chris The Siteowner
Expunging a page from history is not as easy as you might think, and is not best done simply by deleting it. I have removed the page from Google Search. I have removed the link from the home page. The ‘latest comments’ links are the only remaining links to the page. These will scroll off eventually, after which this page may finally be removed.
15 August 2021
Lord leominster
Thanks, Chris. Sorry to have troubled you.
15 August 2021
BOBBY SVARC
This site is morphine into one of those fanzines that used to be funny.
17 August 2021
lord leominster
There’s nothing funny about death.
17 August 2021
BOBBY SVARC
Pillock
17 August 2021
Lux inferior
Time to resurrect this thread in order to congratulate Carrie Anne on levelling the scores with Exxo. Well played.
4 November 2021
EXXo
Hi Lux, you probably weren’t around when we basically agreed to let this thread, errm rest in peace in case anyone was offended (basically someone was). I’m guessing CtSO will delete these. Hope that’s OK.
(I posted subtly in the Carrie Anne thread before I saw your post).
4 November 2021