He Who Would Valium Take by Half Man Half Biscuit (1997) discussed...
He Who Would Valium Take explores familiar themes (such as the incongruity of the ordinary, the grand and the fantastic), all underpinned by a not unexpected irony. Not long now before presidential candidates are called Chelsea. But the performance of this song is like no other by the band. Even without hearing it, the title and one of two of the lines might hint at something ecclesiastical, and so it turns out. Instead of our usual guitars and rhythm section, the song is performed on a digital church organ, with the singing like a church congregation – sometimes in unison, sometimes in harmony, sometimes one responding to the other. The tune appears to be a pastiche of a Victorian hymn tune. And just as in church, the organist sounds as if he has a part-time job playing at the crematorium – all part of the fun.
See lyrics to He Who Would Valium Take
danny
…in the first line should it be “narks” rather than “marked”? Every time i listen to it, it sounds slightly different so i’m just throwing the idea forward.
3 June 2008
Martin
I’m sure it’s “…parked on the pavement narked”. If I was a kid with chalk, I think I’d be narked enough to draw a hopscotch grid all over the bonnet.
4 June 2008
Nick
Probably more likely to be ‘…. and jay though I walked on the road to get by’ referencing the illegality of crossing a highway other than those places marked to do so.
6 June 2008
Martin
Can’t see it being “jay” …it sounds like yea and would also fit in with the age and writing style of the original Bunyan’s “To Be A Pilgrim”, the tune which is used. “Yea though I walk in the road to get past” is a bastardisation of “Yea though I walk in the valley of death”, and of course “He Who Would Valium Take” is a nod at the line “He Who Would Valiant Be!”
7 June 2008
Martin
I’m still sure though that the first two lines should be
The car that’s parked on the pavement narked
Pedestrians and children with chalk
… as in that the car is p***ing off the kids trying to play hopscotch and the pedestrians.
7 June 2008
simon smith
Would it not have been easier for it to be “and though I jay walked on the road…” in that case? Nigel is an odd cove though, is he not? You could be correct, Nick.
7 June 2008
danny
yeah “narked” is right it certainly makes a lot of sense given the context
7 June 2008
chris
OK, before any more of you get narked, I’ve made the alteration!
7 June 2008
Jon (Glasgow)
I think the first word is definitely “The”, and I also think it’s “I” not “I’d” in the first line of the 2nd verse.
(Well, it is a site that embraces pedantry after all…)
Also, I’ve always sang “yell” not “gel” and “My fears would RELAY to my skids” – my thought process being, if the kids yelled, the pit bull (capitals or not? Not sure) would be liable to do something that would cause Nigel’s nervousness to manifest itself in his underwear.
Or something…
20 July 2009
Treadmore
I’m with Jon – first word is “The” and “I” not “I’d”
I don’t think it’s “yell” though – “gel” does sound correct, even though the context proposed by Jon would work (but “relate” not “relay”).
9 August 2009
Chris The Siteowner
“Narked” Confirmed: Source
17 March 2010
kevin
“average flats” is what I hear. “narked” is new to me,but makes sense. GREAT SONG
23 March 2010
MIKE IN COV
Too obvious or too obscure? In the sweet by and by is one hymn I do remember singing, to this tune.
14 July 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
Shitehawk is RN slang for seagull. Not that that’s relevant or anything.
1 August 2012
Exxo
It’s relevant I think in so far it was general maritime slang for seagull too, leading on Merseyside, never much of a RN area (but where so much of the slang comes from merchant navy & dock origins), to it gradually coming to mean a worthless scumbag.
1 August 2012
John Burscough
“At the transit camp the British soldier normally made his acquaintance with the kite-hawk (i.e. Black Kite), known familiarly as the ‘shite-hawk’.”
(Charles Allen, Plain Tales from the Raj)
The term has since been extended to include the Herring Gull.
2 August 2012
Elron Hubward
Shitehawk was a (local to Wirral) colloquialism often used to refer to the ecologically sound souls who were to be found haunting the tip at Bidston Moss (municipal land-fill on the border of Birkenhead, now grassed over and soon to be “luxury” housing I suspect) waiting for the bin lorries to dump their loads so they can pick over the detritus for the odd Earth Wind and Fire CD and half discharged SP2 thrown out by mistake.
Through common usage this term has been adopted as a sort of catch all insult de jour by the locals, some of whom may not be sure of it’s provenance, but are in no doubt at all that it’s not meant to be a compliment.
14 January 2013
Elron Hubward
Given that Bidston land-fill was also covered 24/7 in a living carpet of seagulls competing for the choicest bits of filth with the local Gnolls, it may well be that the RN slang was adopted locally when it became apparent there was little functional difference between the birds and the blokes. We may never care.
14 January 2013
John Burscough
I’ve got an old Manchester fanzine called Shy Talk (which ran for 3 editions in 1977 and was edited by a bloke known as Steve Shy, still something of a legend in Fall circles). The pun in the title suggests that shitehawk was already a term of abuse then, and there.
14 January 2013
Dave F.
Not sure why you think it’s Wirral local, L Ron. I would say it’s in national usage & has been for years. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shite-hawk
15 January 2013
Elron Hubward
Erm… the name is Elron, Dave. Who is this L Ron of whom you speak? Never heard of him.
Also I was referring to the usage of Shitehawk as a term of abuse, not in reference to raptors of any sort.
The reason I suspect that the abusive version is Wirral local is I’ve not heard it used elsewhere in the country much…. well; unless it was by the ubiquitous ex-pat plastic scouser required by UK law to be present in every pub across the nation to let everyone know why it’s not a good idea to stray onto the Wirral penninsula.
15 January 2013
Mark
Shouldn’t it be “my fears would relate to my skids”? That just seems to make more sense to me – I do reserve the right to be wrong though.
17 May 2013
john chatterton
surely the first two lines are “the car that’s parked on a pavement marked ‘pedestrians and children’ with chalk” – i.e there is a pavement marked “Pedestrians and Children” and some shitehawk has parked his car there? – the with chalk bit seems a bit weird if it is narked
17 May 2013
nigel – No Not That One (Nx3To)
@John Chatterton.
See #5,7 &8 above
17 May 2013
Max Williams
I’ve never seen a pavement with “Pedestrians and children” written on it…it *is* narked, surely. “Pedestrians” and “children with chalk” are the two groups of people narked by the parked car.
17 May 2013
So then, ben…
Another vote for “RELAY to my skids”. Makes the most sense to me; his fears would be transferring from bowel to boxer short.
3 December 2014
dickhead in quicksand
+1 relay
3 December 2014
EXXO
It’s definitely either “relate to” or “relay to”, and as there would be little or no phonetic difference it’s hard to tell, but I’ve always heard the latter as you say then, Ben.
Notice the internal rhyme with ‘great with kids’.
3 December 2014
dickhead in quicksand
I share Exxo’s relay/relate dilemma. But – um – what internal rhyme, in a conventional ABCB scheme?
3 December 2014
EXXO
Just saying that loosely speaking, the “relay (or relate)” rhymes deliberately with “great”, and as it’s not the end of a line I’ll loosely call it internal rhyme (though obviously there’s plenty of actual internal rhyme in the song, e.g “Chantelle, gel”, “parked/narked” etc).
4 December 2014
EXXO
Haha and then (‘cos I don’t remember checking my definitions of these things for well over 30 years) I wondered if you’d somehow found another contrary definition of “internal rhyme” Mike, so I looked it up on wikipedia – and look which hymn provides their first examples!
Uncanny? I think not.
4 December 2014
dickhead in quicksand
Ah, I’d overlooked the great/relate rhyme – which I think is an argument for relate over relay. “Relate” also seems to me the apter word, I now prefer it to “relay”. He’d be worried about his shorts, but might be able to keep control of his bladder or sphincter or both.
4 December 2014
Chris The Siteowner
OK, I’ve put “relate” for now, certainly better than what was there previously. Thanks Mark and So Then, Ben for raising it. While we’re here, what’s the current thinking about capitalising Pit Bull?
4 December 2014
dickhead in quicksand
Any thoughts on “J. Lo” instead of “yea though”? Was she sufficiently annoying in 1997 to deserve a mention?
4 December 2014
EXXO
@ DIQ. Both “relay to” and “relate to” would rhyme identically, though, were the two /t/ sounds elided as they very naturally might be, so I would dispute that argument, and it does still seem more likely to me to be “relay”.
I note also that “relay” has more votes in this thread than “relate” (3-2).
And I can’t see any need to depart from the twenty-third psalm reference meself Mike. A J-Lo pun would be truly appalling there. Inconceivable.
4 December 2014
dickhead in quicksand
I agree that the two phrases are likely indistinguishable when sung, and that the second ‘t’ is often elided when spoken. There’s also an argument that “relate” is normally stressed on the second syllable but “relay” on the first – but (1) false stresses aren’t uncommon in hymns, and (2) NB10 likes his false stresses and the occasional deliberate mispronunciation, so I give it very little weight indeed. More votes needed, I think.
I’m marginally for caps over LC in “Pit Bull”, but have no strong feelings.
4 December 2014
EXXO
‘Relay’ as verb with this meaning is correctly stressed on the second syllable not the first.
4 December 2014
EXXO
Then I looked it up as I passed a ‘Longman’s’ and was surprised to see that both are possible. I certainly encounter the second syllable stress almost invariably when it has this meaning.
4 December 2014
toastkid
Sounds like “relay” to me and i think that makes a bit more sense in context.
4 December 2014
dickhead in quicksand
Relay 4-2 Relate
The people have spoken, so it’s “relay”.
7 December 2014
Thoughtless ShitehAWK
Surely it is “average flats” rather than average flasks. It’s been bothering me.
16 June 2015
dickhead in quicksand
Top top blogonym @TS but it’s still “flasks” for me. Probably now empty but once containing tea.
17 June 2015
dr desperate
Whisky for me, thanks.
17 June 2015
toastkid
to wade in on flasks vs flats: both make about the same amount of sense, i think, in context, ie “some”. The choir is slightly out of time with each other on that word so it’s a little tricky to hear, but i **think** that they each make two “S” sounds at the end of the word, as you would when singing “flasks”. (it’s actually quite awkward as words go, and the sort of lyric that irks singers). So, i’m voting “flasks”.
17 June 2015
CHARLES EXFORD
‘Pharaoh Shoshenq’s wife was only the third pharaoh’s wife of the 22nd dynasty’, etc., like ‘King Charles II was the third Stuart king’, etc., so lower case ‘pharaoh’ one feels.
2 February 2017
tony monopoly
It’s clearly ‘flats’, to argue otherwise is madness.
9 October 2017
Trapped in texas (help!)
I know that this has all been well debated and settled long ago (including by the man himself) but “The car that’s parked on a pavement narked” does not work! It is sung as “marked”, it makes sense as “marked” and if I were NB57 I would throw some curveballs about when I was offering clarification. Just a thought!
(Love the site btw – keep it up)
27 January 2018
Geraldine
Come on now, it’s definitely ‘narked’. Nark meaning to annoy. Hence pedestrians are annoyed (narked) with the car that’s parked on the pavement. As are the kids who want to play games, marked out with chalk, on the pavement. But there’s a car in the way!
9 July 2018