Running Order Squabble Fest ticks all the boxes and qualifies as an undisputed Half Man Half Biscuit classic. Brief, hilarious, good riff, modified football chant, embarrassing to its unsuspecting targets …what’s not to like?
See lyrics to Running Order Squabble Fest
Kendo Nagasaki
I thought it was ‘Hey Jason, they ain’t got no dry ice’.
Scans better.
16 November 2011
Paul F
Does it?
16 November 2011
Dave Wiggins
Kendo. Not to be picky, but I can’t see how that ‘ain’t’ could make it scan better? Clearly, “hey Jason they’ve got no dry ice”.
16 November 2011
Hagerty F.
I always thought it was “they ain’t got no dry ice”, but on listening again it’s clearly “they’ve got no dry ice”
16 November 2011
Tangerine Wizard.
I always hear it as Listen square as in un hip instead of squire.
17 June 2012
Android, Eyes Rolling
I’ve always heard it as “square” as well.
18 June 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
“Sound man, sound man (two … one, two … two … one)”. I’ve always thought this inept chuntering one of the funniest ideas in the song. However you transcribe it, the BV surely ought to be added to the lyric.
+1 “squire”. I don’t think NB’s ever called the 24-hour garage bloke that, yet, but correct me if I’m wrong. (In pre-internet days, there was a little program you could install on someone else’s machine, where it would insert itself into the printer interrupt on startup, and occasionally change “.” to “, squire.”. If you’ve ever signed a business letter without a final read-through, cringe along with me.)
I’d like to open a debate about “Five k”. (1) In computer usage 1k = 1000 and 1K = 1024, but in general usage 1K = 1000. Should it be ‘K’? (2) Was there ever a band called 5K or Five Kay or the like which merited NB having a pop at them?
4 August 2012
Chigley Skin
I always presumed five k (i.e. five grand) was what them lot who can’t even play their instruments were getting paid for their appearance, thus provoking further disharmony and antics in the green room.
4 August 2012
John Burscough
I can’t see that anyone’s mentioned it yet, so I will: there’s a Chas ‘n’ Dave reference after their namecheck, “I don’t care, I don’t care” being the first part of the chorus of their ‘The Sideboard Song’. All together now: “I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care if he comes round here.I’ve got my beer in the sideboard here, let Mother sort it out if he comes round here.”
22 October 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
Chapeau, @John. You needn’t reveal how you found the reference.
22 October 2012
Charles Exford
Quite a well known C&D song I thought – don’t forget they were on the radio and all that all the time when most of us were teenagers and had no alternative Mike. Follow up to Gertcha, 1979, got airplay but didn’t chart cos it was even more shite than therir other stuff, so they just more or less re-hashed the same tune as ‘Rabbit’ a few months later.
22 October 2012
BrumBiscuit
I used to hate C&D with the same venom I now reserve for Alan Titchmarsh.
23 October 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
A source in The Department Of The Bleedin’ Obvious writes:- @Charles, not well-known to me, I either have never heard the song or have blotted it from memory. Not that I plan to look for it. And do you think my 27-year old mate would have got the reference? Those of us who were working or who weren’t born at the time need these things pointing out.
@Brumbiscuit, good choices.
23 October 2012
John Burscough
Not a big fan of C ‘n’ D (C ‘n’ D? CND?) myself. Tori Amos, on the other hand, is – her version of their “That’s What I Like Mick (The Sandwich Song)” is one of the most bizarre covers ever committed. Hearing the classically-trained North Carolina songstress singing “Liquorice pipes and baggy suits, Glenn Hoddle scoring a goal” can change your view of the Universe irreversibly.
24 October 2012
ACIDIC REGULATOR
@John, I’ve just listened to Tori Amos and feel that my life has changed irretrievably. I particularly liked the bit about Durby China.
24 October 2012
That Swan
Could the ‘5K’ refer to the power of the sound system? That’s always been my interpretation.
25 October 2012
Dave Wiggins
Peter Hook: ‘Unknown Pleasures – Inside Joy Division’. Page 91. “This was Steve Brotherdale’s first gig. A running order squabble fest, with Fast Breeder, led to……”.
28 November 2013
Jonathan brierley
My driving instructor from about 10 years ago, Rob Davenport, was (is) in Crispy Ambulance. I’d never heard of them at the time though.
16 August 2014
Dr Desperate
For anyone who hasn’t heard Frank Sidebottom’s version of ‘You’re Going Home…’ from the 5.9.88 album, it’s here (2.40) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uHczYZOQFg
22 January 2015
Dr desperate
Any chance of getting Neil’s “2.1-2” backing vocals in?
11 January 2016
Chris The Siteowner
Did I get it right?
18 January 2016
Dr desperate
212 (“An adjective to describe a situation, location, and/or person that possesses an inherently chill nature, as well as a force field that guards against drama, anxiety, and all that is uncool.” – The Urban Dictionary).
18 January 2016
Dirk Hofman
The Membranes’ Wikipedia page mentions an ROSF when, in the mid-eighties, they were booked to headline a ‘Creation Records night’ somewhere in that London. The running order was changed for them to play first and Alan McGee’s business partner (Slaughter Joe) at Creation to headline. Mayhem from the crowd during his set, another support act walked out and the band were sacked from the label ..
Two, one two is what is grunted into microphone of the month by the sound man when sound checking, the ‘t’ can spike and spoil their levels. Two, one two sounds cooler than just one two .. (and if they counted to three they would have to lift something). Sometimes sixes and sevens are used to check against sibilance ..
20 October 2016
Schoon
Should it not be: £5k? It presumably is their fee, and I’ve never seen ‘£five k’.
23 May 2017
FLINTLOCK
It’s the size of the PA.
26 May 2017
FLINTLOCK
(K being kilowatts)
26 May 2017
Gok wan acolyte
Except the symbol for kilowatt is kW. I’m with the 5K being money, our narrator being aghast at the size of the fee. At the time the song was written, K in money was predominantly used by pretentious city types ” A salary of£50k” rather than 50 thousand for example.
27 May 2017
FLINTLOCK
Here’s a 5K PA, only to be used by bands who can play their instruments: http://www.manchesterpa.co.uk/Band_Large.html
28 May 2017
Schoon
Ok Flintlock, is that a particularly powerful system, then? Seems to me – as GWA says – it is the narrator complaining about the other band’s excessive fee. Both the line before and the two lines after support the money thesis, I’d argue, less so the wattage one. However I’m nearly always wrong re HMHB.
28 May 2017
FLINTLOCK
I think you’ve convinced me, but it’s hard to let go after 24 years. You can see why I thought it was that though.
29 May 2017
Schoon
@Flintlock absolutely. I felt the same about my reading of it. I’ve misunderstood most of the lyrics in my time, and there is still no consensus, unless the omnipotent Chris changes it to £5k.
29 May 2017
parsfan
I too think it’s too do with money, but see no need for a pound sign.
Wouldn’t they all use the same PA?
29 May 2017
FLINTLOCK
Yes, Parsfan, they would. That’s one of the reasons I changed my mind.
29 May 2017
Schoon
@Parsfan, I’ve been trying to find some rules on this (as it is very important, and beats working), but can only find vague advice. I cannot find anyone giving examples like ‘five k’, usually e.g. 5K is mentioned, with some saying lowercase k is OK (har har). I’m not sure about the pound sign; I think I’d argue it’s needed since it helps the reader.
Maybe a more literate contributor can help?
30 May 2017
parsfan
Why does the reader need help? If they only ever saw the lyrics they’d be singing “pounds” to whatever tune they’d made up in their head. Who’s to say it’s even pounds? Though it probably is, other currencies are available.
In written text there is a convention to spell out numbers less than 10.
I’ve misheard/misinterpreted loads myself (probably a lot more I’m unaware of too). It’s only in the last couple of days I found out Bow Wow changed their name.
30 May 2017
Mystic Mab
Isn’t 5k how much you’d pay for microphone of the month?
15 March 2022
dr desperate
Two-two, one-one, two-two.
22 November 2022