“No-one Cares About Your Creative Hub So Get Your Fuckin’ Hedge Cut”
Released Friday 18 May 2018
This is the page for general chat about the album. To see the lyrics, click here.
Order now from the Probe Plus Store:
If the album is shown as out of stock, or the page has gone completely, try back later. Still no luck? Too impatient? People say nice things about Proper Music, Norman Records and Piccadilly Records.
On your marks… get set… discuss! The first 75 or so comments below were posted before anyone knew anything about the album, and there was just a big question mark above. After that point in the comments, well, at least we knew the title and the track listing, although the comments were still based on no more information than that…
Bobby svarc
Are we having a competition on what places in the British Isles will be mentioned on the new album.? I think I won the last one.
22 February 2018
dr desperate
Ooh, let’s.
The winner of the UfO competition was Warden Hodges, with Cheshire Oaks (2 miles from the Wervin Turnpike), though Exxo had mentioned Hilbre in the Dee thread prior to release. Here’s the original post proposing the competition:
“While we’re waiting, anybody care for a bracing round of Placename Bingo?
1. Choose a placename at random and post it here.
2. Buy the album. Listen to it.
3. Anybody whose chosen placename is mentioned in a song wins.
4. In the event of nobody winning outright, the placename closest (on Google Maps) to one mentioned wins.”
Form would suggest somewhere in the Midlands Black Sabbath Belt, so I’ll kick off with Walsall.
(CtSO is barred from using his inside information on a football-related reference.)
22 February 2018
Chris The Siteowner
NB10’s post-gig “clue” was far too vague, my football interpretation was a mere guess. So I won’t go for Ipswich. But I will go with football. Rodney Parade.
22 February 2018
Cygnus
Are we restricted to one guess each?
I’ll go for another North Wales reference with Portmeirion.
22 February 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Cheshire Oaks is quite a bit less than 2 miles from Nelson Burt’s grave, but it is just a few hundred yards from the back of the petrochemical plant. Insider info?
22 February 2018
GORDON BURNS
I’m going for the: villages stifled by second homers in Cornwall theme and choosing “Mousehole”.
22 February 2018
hendrix-tattoo
I’m going with Knutsford…
22 February 2018
hendrix-tattoo
Again…
22 February 2018
BOBBYSVARC
A wild punt on Whetstone in Leicester-shire
22 February 2018
TRANSIT FULL OF KEITH
Whenever I pass Caxton Gibbet, or hear it on the local radio travel news, it seems to have a ring of Biscuit about it. It’s a grassy knoll and roundabout on the A428. Maybe not such a wild suggestion, it’s close to St Neots, Chatteris, and less than a mile from Papworth General (q.v.)
22 February 2018
Brumbiscuit
Shepton Mallet
22 February 2018
warden hodges
My stab at it is Moreton.
22 February 2018
dr desperate
Even if you’re not as successful this time, @WH, at least you’ve got the 33,000th comment.
22 February 2018
warden hodges
Saw that one DD. ha.
22 February 2018
FLINTLOCK
Lesmahagow, South Lanarkshire: closely bypassed by the M74 and home of the Route 74 Truckstop.
22 February 2018
Brumbiscuit
‘Meanwhile, free free to speculate wildly about anything.’
Well, I heard on the grapevine that there is to be a ballad; featuring a duet between Cerys Matthews and NB10, called Dogging Site at Capel Curig. Honest.
22 February 2018
Cream cheese and chives
Two guesses if I may.
Cark on the W coast of Cumbria because it sounds like a birdcall .
Rest and Be Thankful, not far from Tarbert on Loch Lomond.
22 February 2018
Atombowl
Grunty Fen
22 February 2018
The dynamic entrance
Cader Idris. Maybe even pronounced correctly?
22 February 2018
Injured buzzard
Eskdalemuir. As mentioned at the beginning of the encore at Bristol 2 years ago. Hopefully continuing the Dumfries & Galloway references. ‘Famous’ for a Tibetan Buddhist Monastery and a Weather Station.
22 February 2018
Bad loser
North Wales is always a good bet. I’ll go for Colwyn Bay.
22 February 2018
gipton teenager
We used to play a game on long car trips, (similar to ‘The Meaning Of Liff’) with road signs giving directions to at least two places. My favourite was Nappa Gisburn (the cheerful, Cockney chap, quick with a cheeky quip, a fag permanently behind his ear, in black and white war films who was always the first to be shot). NB10 would probably not be on the A65, so it’s a long shot and if I can only have one go I’ll have Gisburn.
23 February 2018
CArrie anne
Drawing pin method: Leeming Bar
23 February 2018
Peter Mcornithologist
Quaking Houses
23 February 2018
Excavated rita
Fylde has a team in the National League. It’s a homophone. It rhymes with other things. It’s probably wrong.
23 February 2018
EXXO
Nineteen entries and finally a bit of strategy, as someone chooses a whole peninsula, and yes a rhyming footballing homphone that thrashed Tranmere not long before the lyrics were finalised! (“Peace on earth and mercy mild /Tranmere Rovers wrecked on Fylde.” )But Fylde is 64 square miles as a borough, arguably about 100 as a peninsula and maybe 70-odd as a postcode area and the people will demand rules on this.
Understandably quite a lot of coastal entries so far. But that does reduce your % of being nearest if you don’t get it spot-on. I’m tempted by well-known central Wirral cemeteries and hospitals for such reasons. Or maybe one of the big cycling passes on the way to the hills… But sheesh, I’m giving away me strategy here before I’ve even decided. Maybe I’ll wait till just before release date, and work out what the biggest area of the UK without a guess is, and then work out where the middle of that is.
23 February 2018
EXXO
Royden Park was mentioned in Nigel’s intro to the nascent ‘Renfield’ at the Lincoln gig. I might go for Royden Park… but then again I might not.
23 February 2018
Just mark
In memoriam Prestwich
23 February 2018
warden hodges
I would argue that if Leasowe Lighthouse does get a mention than that’s more Moreton than Leasowe. Oh I dunno, we shall see. All good stuff this.
23 February 2018
Alan
If it doesn’t have at least a fleeting reference to the change in kick offs so you don’t have to nudge the ball forward anymore I’m taking it back
23 February 2018
EXXO
Good shout. I’ve gone back into training just ‘cos I want to take a backwards kick off before I die.
As for your lighthouse point Warden, yes, I’ll be on your side on that one.
I’ve always liked the way on the O/S map of the North Wirral coast, the very phallic lighthouse is right next to ‘Lingham Farm’ (one for all you karma sutra readers and tantric sexperts there).
23 February 2018
Idrisdachiseller
I’m going with Beverley Minster, though I’d like them to continue with the Thelwall Viaduct theme and give Locking Stumps a mention.
23 February 2018
BOBBYSVARC
I don’t know how we will survive another 11 weeks of this.
23 February 2018
One of Cromwell’s troops
There’s a girl i’m told says it’s Worcester.
24 February 2018
parsfan
No danger, but Crook of Devon would make me very happy.
24 February 2018
SPT
Curbar Edge
24 February 2018
BOBBYSVARC
A line from a song that we made up whilst pike fishing at Welford in 1997, my oppo, Harry used to take his guitar on fishing trips, broke the boredom of it really.
Welford Res
How good that felt
Had a seventeen six
on super smelt
24 February 2018
Eric t’viking
Charnock Richard.
More than just a motorway service area; but not much.
24 February 2018
FEATURELESS TV PRODUCER STEVE
This thread naturally has me perusing Google maps looking for interesting place names, and I find myself getting unnaturally excited when I come across places I know from HMHB songs (“So that’s where Stranraer is! That’s so awesome!”). Sometimes I turn on the satellite view and zoom in on a random somebody’s house, wondering what their lives are like.
Anyway, if we can only pick one place, my vote is for Dwygyfylchi. I have no idea how to pronounce it, of course, but the word must be at least half as fun to say as it is to look at, right?
24 February 2018
EXXO
Outstanding shout that, Steve. Mr B will surely have done the Sychnant descent that passes through there
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d27nUt_Cfnw
I recall that has said (in print) that one of his favourite places in all of Wales is about 3 miles from there, as the raven flies. I’d already considered that spot for nomination as it seemed to me one of the most likely places to be featured on a CD inlay.
Pronunciation? I’m no Welsh speaker, but I’ve heard the word a few times pronounced something like:
dwee (as in dweeb or Dweezil)
gu (as in guff)
VUL (as in vulva) – I think that’s the stressed syllable
key (as in door key), but pronounced with the celtic (or scouse) “ch” from “loch” instead of “k”
25 February 2018
Featureless tv producer steve
Cheers, Exxo, but your resident Ignorant American isn’t familiar with the celtic or scouse pronunciation of loch. Would I be correct to assume it’s the same sound as the end of J.S. Bach and Glyder Fach?
25 February 2018
EXXO
What an insightful American you are, though.
I shall ignore your recent revelations and carry on imagining you trying to produce liberal, witty, cosmopolitan Seattle-based comedies.
A broody TV producer came to Dwygyfylchi
Then disappeared, under woes that seemed bulky.
His crew found him again
Stone dead in Garnedd-wen,
Struck by lightning after scribbling something sulky.
25 February 2018
The Burly physio (of non-league farnborough town)
Must be mushroom meat substitute, Leicestershire village Quorn.
25 February 2018
GOK WAN ACoLYTE
I’m busy pondering which ‘celebs’ will be struck down with the curse of HMHB. Dion Dublin, who manages to combine both the ‘lesser known footballer’ and ‘daytime TV presenter’ groups so often mentioned, might well be one. And for some reason, I think national treasure Clare Balding may be someone who irks Mr B
26 February 2018
Chris The Siteowner
…even though she gave HMHB a nice rambly reference once? Anyway, I suspect this thread is naturally evolving into “which real people are going to get a mention on the new album?”, which is a discussion that probably needs to happen. So who should be looking to take out their own prepaid funeral plan? I’ll lob in Alan Titchmarsh, just because.
26 February 2018
Brumbiscuit
Tim Wonnacatt. He manages the bland persona perfectly.
26 February 2018
TRANSIT FULL OF KEITH
I’ll take my cue from a recent on-stage complaint that the band’s relentless touring schedule had caused Mr Blackwell to miss an episode of Pointless. Leading to me to wonder if any of the following might be in with a chance:
• Alexander Armstrong or Richard Osman from Pointless;
• In the early evening schedule, Pointless segues naturally into Eggheads – either Barry, or “Tremendous Knowledge” Dave there;
• The recent tendency to try to confer “cult status” (plus book deals, radio shows, etc) on University Challenge contestants – like Eric Monkman and Bobby Seagull;
• The deliberately excruciating bit where Victoria Coren-Mitchell gets contestants to sing on Only Connect (shades of the handclapping sequence at the end of Blockbusters).
26 February 2018
hendrix-tattoo
I’m going to chip in with Jeremy/s Clarkson or Kyle.
Judge Rinder.
26 February 2018
GOK WAN ACoLYTE
@CtSO – maybe Clare will escape then (unless Nigel is miffed that he’s never been invited on Ramblings?).
@H-Tat: Clarkson and Kyle are a bit too obvious I think.
26 February 2018
EXXO
Non-sporting TV personalities & shows mentioned since 1991 tend to be people I’d never heard of, with a few exceptions, so yeah that does maybe discount quite a few suggestions so far, but the flipside is that it makes some of people’s suggestions seem very plausible, to me at least. Just looked up the ‘judge’ chappy for example. He seems a better shout that the Jeremies.
Anyway of all the random things Mr. B has said on stage in the last couple of years, when not responding to the audience or obfuscating a song, the one that seemed most likely to be a line from a forthcoming song was the stand-alone statement that “Eddie Howe has never sneezed.”
26 February 2018
BOBBYSVARC
I think I’ll go for Monty Panesar
26 February 2018
MISTER TUBBS
It’s a shame John Motson didn’t appear in one of HMHB’s earlier songs, but I think he’s retiring soon, so we hopefully won’t be hearing too much more of him from now on anyway. Graeme Swann should’ve done the decent thing and retired from Test Match punditry with immediate effect, when England went 3-0 down in the recent Ashes, but as his name has been mentioned at one or two gigs in recent times I’ll take a punt on Dr Thomas Wessinghage.
26 February 2018
FLINTLOCK
I’d say Guy Martin, but I think he’s already appeared in a live 24HGP.
26 February 2018
WIlfred Pickles
Royden Park was also mentioned in a version of “Bat Walk” that is doing the rounds on YouTube. I suppose it’s a fairly safe bet.
I’m saying…Millom.
26 February 2018
dr desperate
Bamber Gascoigne.
26 February 2018
Excavated Rite
Jeff Stelling
26 February 2018
EXXO
If ‘Garage in Constant Use’ is on the album, will there be a UK place name instead of Kentucky? (Where Dylan had Colorado and Joan Baez had California).
26 February 2018
The harbinger of nothing
Bodmin Moor. (It narrowly beat Budleigh Salterton into second place.)
Jimmy Carr.
27 February 2018
The harbinger of nothing
(Rubber-faced irritant)
27 February 2018
Peter Mcornithologist
Martin Roberts.
27 February 2018
dr desperate
If ‘Garage in Constant Use’ is on the album it may fulfil NB’s prophecy at Edinburgh in Jan 15 that it might take three years for it to get a guitar solo.
27 February 2018
EXXO
@ Flintlock.
Well, Scott Verplank first appeared at a gig about 7 years before he was on a record, in a response to an audience shout of “What did God give us, Neil?”
So Guy Martin isn’t a bad shout at all. Funnily enough he was mentioned in (one of) the greatest ever 24HGP(s) at the same gig in 2011 where Wessinhage got a mention in a marvellously rambling ACP. Maybe a new song will incorporate Frank Windsor as the image we all have of the face of God.
27 February 2018
Jeff Dreadnought
Delia Derbyshire. Victoria Derbyshire. Colin Appleton. Glenn Campbell / the linesman at Notts County.
27 February 2018
BOBBYSVARC
John Hickton the ex Middlesbrough striker has potential.
27 February 2018
Peter Mcornithologist
Brilliant Bobby Up there with Alan Gowling ?
27 February 2018
EXXO
You ain’t seen nuffink, right? Nuffink.
27 February 2018
Cream cheese and chives
Robert Peston.
Which television programmes might be referenced? Which might be the modern day Trumpton, Crossroads, Countdown etc? Please God ‘Bake Off’ doesn’t get in there.
28 February 2018
Brumbiscuit
Can I change my nomination to Kate Humble?
28 February 2018
Ian Mckevitt
George clarke and his amazing spaces
28 February 2018
Phyllis Triggs
Oh God, yeah! Andrew Neill, Kate Humble and lets throw in their compadres too – Michael Portillo, Dianne Abbot, and Kate’s floppy haired double barrelled mate. More Kates – Katies Price and Hopkins (I despair). The execrable Professor Brian Cox and Dr of Bleedin’ Everything Alice Roberts. The jollies-for-luvvies brigade – Martin Clunes, Sue Perkins, Joanna Lumley et al. Chefs Ramsey, Oliver, and Lawson. Vanessa Feltz (or has she already been suffered in song?) Noel Fielding. Simon Pegg. There’s already been a shout for Titchmarsh I think but I’ll second it. That’ll do for starters – tho one more will give me a decent bingo card – I’ll plump for Loose Women!
28 February 2018
Paul f
I’ll go with Lucy Worsley (if only for the fact that she once told me I looked like Dennis the Menace.)
28 February 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Well I can immediately put a face to the names of the last 24 current TV personalities mentioned in the last few posts, and that’s my litmus test that they’re too well known, so that’s not a good sign for your bingo cards.
[This means I can’t actually nominate someone myself of course or by definition they will be too obvious]
Martin Roberts, however, Peter … I know the face but didn’t know the name til I looked him up, so I’d have him on my card.
28 February 2018
dr desperate
Good job Lucy Worsley didn’t try to tell you you looked like Roger the Dodger.
28 February 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Apparently Rankin Miss P was lined up to introduce the music acts on Jonathan Ross’ first C4 series, but they only ever shot a pilot.
28 February 2018
Paul F
In my younger days, before discovering Guinness, Plug would have been the most likely comparison.
The Dennis the Menace connection was merely a navy and dark orange hooped polo-shirt that in a certain light might have looked black and red.
1 March 2018
CArrie anne
Amazon has unbagged the cat re: album title, track listing, and release date. So who had Umberstone Cove?
1 March 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Well spotted! Geoff Davies said the band didn’t want to release information quite yet, which we respected (not that we knew anything anyway!) but both Amazon and Proper Music have published details. Both have got the title cut off, but as you can see from the Proper Music listing, which shows the cover, the title is:
No-one Cares About Your Creative Hub So Get Your Fuckin’ Hedge Cut
…and here’s the track listing (from the retailer sites, with at least one suspected typo) in full:
Alehouse Futsal
Man of Constant Sorrow
Knobheads on Quiz Shows
Bladderwrack Allowance
Renfields Afoot
Terminus
The Announcement
What Made Colombia Famous
Harsh Times in Umberstone Cove
Every Time a Bell Rings
Emergency Locksmith
Mod Diff V Diff Hard Severe
Swerving the Checktrade (sic)
Discuss.
1 March 2018
CArrie anne
I really, really, really hope the last track is called Swerving The Checkatrade, rather than Checktrade.
1 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Hope so Karen, but it could be a rare case of needing to change a brand name like ‘No Need for Nails’?
Great cover! When that first quarter of the image appeared fleetingly on here the other day, apart from trying to figure out whether the title began “no-one caring or creative …”, I thought ‘that looks quite a lot like Mr. B’s handwriting (cf JDOG lyrics in museums, setlists, etc), but it’s not his ‘t’ … now I can see that the other three t’s do indeed have the tell-tale Blackwellian curve at the bottom! Great cover. Great title. Great titles all round.
Keith – are you sure you didn’t have inside info’ of these titles two days ago, when you posted a whole list of annoying knobheads on quiz shows?
And should the predictors of mentions for Welsh hill climbs be rubbing their hands at ‘Mod Diff V Diff Hard Severe’ ?
And is ‘Every Time a Bell Rings’ a potential Xmas number one?
Still nearly eleven weeks of this Mick!!
1 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
And Keith who knows, but you might even have got your wish of a paean to Tryfan, Devil’s Kitchen, etc.
1 March 2018
Cygnus
So, pardon my ignorance, where is Umberstone Cove? I’ve tried Googling it to see how far away from Portmeirion it might be and can’t see a reference, there are mentions of Humberstone Cove but can’t see one with a dropped aitch. Anyone out there with better research skills than mine (not difficult I’ll admit)?
1 March 2018
BOBBYSVARC
As ID would say, Fuckin’ Ada
1 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Inevitable Mick – same as last album leak, bound to happen as soon as the giants get the info. They don’t care about the band’s wishes. Hope PP ‘system’ will soon be ready for pre-orders, and that everyone will spread the word for patience – please hold horses and order from Probe Plus in due course and you’ll get it just as quick if not quicker, and the band will get a lot more of your cash if you do. Whenever people see it on Twitter, FB etc, ask folks to wait and pre-order with PP.
1 March 2018
BOBBYSVARC
Coven or Covert?
1 March 2018
dr desperate
There’s an Umberstone Covert between Bebington and Heswall, so there may be more than one typo there.
https://www.ordnancesurvey.co.uk/getoutside/local/umberstone-covert-wirral
1 March 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Bear in mind the track listings are from record retailers’ websites. I really wouldn’t trust them – they’ll be in the right area, but are bound to have typos.
1 March 2018
BOBBYSVARC
Humberstone in Leicester
1 March 2018
warden hodges
Released day before Cup Final and a wedding of some sorts.
1 March 2018
Welton Elsby
Place: I’m going with adjacent-to-Abergavenny mountain the Blorenge, just so Dylan can be proved wrong.
Sports personage: carrying on the Boro theme, let’s try Irving Nattrass. Easily rhymable.
1 March 2018
Cygnus
Umberstone Covert; that sounds like it could be the one, brilliant Dr D.
1 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Umberstone Covert it is. Just about 600 yards from one of those central Wirral hospitals I mentioned, strategically…
1 March 2018
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
Album title doesn’t really trip off the tongue…nor is it one that radio djs (e.g. on 6 Music) can easily broadcast. NOCYACHJSGYFHC is hardly any better. Suspect it will probably just get referred to as “Creative Hub”?
Still excited about it though
1 March 2018
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
Yes, I have just spotted it should be NOCAYCHSGYFGC, which sort of makes my point
1 March 2018
BOBBYSVARC
Looking forward to the Free Gift
1 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
HMHBike lads, as well as CQTM I just want to express my solidarity, when you tackle all the places that may be mentioned in track 12. Do try and stream it live.
1 March 2018
TRANSIT FULL OF KEITH
No inside knowledge, just triangulating from the onstage mention of Pointless. Of course the last laugh will be on me if the title refers to knobheads going on about quiz shows, rather than knobheads appearing on them.
Pedants take note that Diff Hard Severe is not in the BMC taxonomy of rock-climbing grades, which makes the title all the more intriguing. Pausing briefly to scratch out Caxton Gibbet and punt everything on Stanage Edge, I think I might absent myself from this thread for a bit … as others have suggested, the prospect of 11 weeks of this my head no end do in.
1 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Looking at the list, as -rt has come off the end of ‘Covert’, I suspect that in some sort of formatting fiasco, possibly even due to boxes needing to be filled on the retailers’ system, the ‘Checkatrade’ title may lack at least one extra word.
Swerving the Checkatrade Jingle would, for example, be a plausible and understandable emotion to be expressed in heartfelt song.
1 March 2018
Schoon
I hope the Checkatrade song is as good as their jingle: Checkatrade Checkatrade.com sung by what sounds like whoever they could find in their office.
1 March 2018
Schoon
What does the title mean?
1 March 2018
dr desperate
‘Mod Diff V Diff Hard Severe’ would fit with the adjectival grades of rockclimbing, if separated: Mod / Diff / V Diff / Hard Severe.
http://rockclimbing.org.uk/rock%20climbing%20grades
1 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Lots of places claim to be ‘creative hubs’ these days, from squats to creches, and it can certainly seem a bit of a pretentious/meaningless epithet. Perhaps the ‘creative hub’ gets public money and yet the neglected hedge occupies the whole pavement? Which is particularly narksome, for some members of the community, when the hedge is wet, and one is forced in the road to get by. Make of it what you will, but to me it’s one of those parochial complaints of local nutters (see Achtung Bono cover & ‘Letters Sent’) taken to a new level. Possibly a piece of graffiti Mr. B has seen elsewhere. Or just an exaggeration of something he’s seen. Either way, he’s written it there in his own writing. At home probably.
1 March 2018
dr desperate
It raises a fine point in abbreviation, seeing as we haven’t had a hyphenated album title before: should it be N, NO or N-O followed by CAYCHSGYFHC?
1 March 2018
BOBBYSVARC
Probe Info with correct song titles
http://probe-plus.co.uk/index.php/discography-test
1 March 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Indeed, is it “No-one” or “No-One”?
1 March 2018
Schoon
@Exxo, ta.
1 March 2018
Webbie Webbster
Ooh ! Just had a thought. Probably wrong but anyway… What if Swerving the Checkatrade is a sequel to Descent Of The Stiperstones ?
I’ll see myself out.
1 March 2018
Schoon
Anyone know why A1 to A4, 5A to 7A, 8B to 13B? A and B sides, maybe but why the reverse in the As?
1 March 2018
TRANSIT FULL OF KEITH
Right you are Dr. D. For some reason, I’d read the “V” as “versus”. Grade 1 scrambles very much my outer limit these days.
1 March 2018
BOBBYSVARC
Perhaps the Probe web bloke has just had a smoke
1 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
By the way Cream Cheese and Chives is surely due some sort of prescience points for post 879 in the pre-gig thread, posted during the week the album was recorded, where he railed “Why are there ‘hubs’ everywhere all of a sudden?”
1 March 2018
dr desperate
The main complaint I have about all this is that I can no longer work my wizard wheeze, posting this phoney-baloney Amazon listing in a month’s time.
Still, you can still try to spot the two April Fool references, if you’ve a mind.
And here’s the main cover image.
1 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Great work John. Do you mean that famous April fools of yesteryear are referred to in the song titles? Did Octapush start as an April fool thing and then become real? Did someone try to fool us that the Liver building and the Liverbirds had been sold to Everton? (Oh. Wait a minute…)
1 March 2018
Paul F
Does somebody (who is actually on twitter unlike me) want to tweet James Walsh and see if they’ll do a review in the Guardian this time?
1 March 2018
Phyllis Triggs
Superb, Dr D! Get the cases made up and shipped out – I’ll buy one!!
1 March 2018
Cream cheese and chives
Exxo- yes I am feeling very happy that my ire at the hub word has been in some way echoed. I knew that I had to leave full time teaching when a spare classroom in my school became a learning hub. Do soothsayers get much work nowadays?
1 March 2018
BOBBYSVARC
T-Shirt should be interesting
1 March 2018
Kendo nagasaki
I’m gonna go for Andover in Kent. My excitement know no bounds
1 March 2018
Kendo nagasaki
I’m an idiot. Andover is in Hampshire
1 March 2018
Cream cheese and chives
While I am railing against wrongly used words.
‘Tottenham exhort their Premier League authority’.
BBC website highlights of their win over Rochdale.
1 March 2018
BOBBYSVARC
“I joked with Linda Lovelace” might be in there.
1 March 2018
Schoon
Well I won’t be buying Illfrapool. It’s only 25 minutes long, what a rip off!
1 March 2018
Irish Niall
I wonder could HAHB get an advance copy and embark upon a “performing No One Cares About Your Creative Hub So Get Your Fuckin Hedge Cut in full Tour” ?
1 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Get on his DVD of Milfracombe though. 25 mins is more than enough.
1 March 2018
GREGG Z.
Damn. My guess on the album title was REALLY close, too.
1 March 2018
154 Hopper avenue
Hutton Rudby
1 March 2018
Wiltshire white
As there is a song with Colombia in the title I’ll go with Cali, as it’s easy to rhyme
2 March 2018
Featureless tv producer steve
Judging from the titles alone, your resident foreigner is going to need a lot of help with translations on this one.
CtSO, do you keep track of posts per day? If yesterday didn’t set a record, at least it had to be the most in one day since the LFC, didn’t it? I don’t recall nearly this much discussion prior to UfO’s release.
2 March 2018
Bobby svarc
Perhaps there is no reference to Checkatrade at all in the song.
2 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Always a strong possibility Mick.
But with just 78 days of this pointless speculative wittering to go, I’d like to imagine the ‘Checkatrade’ track as another one that will make the ‘HMHBikeKit’ lads rub their gear levers in fevered anticipation. What if its rambling outro consisted of a list of all the wonderful possibilities of ground-hopping and associated delights thrown up by the FA Trophy? (which nobody calls ‘The Buildbase’)
2 March 2018
Bobby svarc
True, but most non-leaguers just call it the trophy, as in, “see we’ve drew Crook Town away in the trophy”….. “oh shit”.
2 March 2018
Elitist Preservative
Many fans are swerving the checkatrade trophy by means of boycott
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.grimsbytelegraph.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/grimsby-town-board-discuss-decisions-850725.amp
2 March 2018
Pete
It was a toss-up between two but I’m going to go with Towcester.
A close second was Bootle Station and for a nonexistent bonus point, I was going to guess he’ll mention being “at the wrong…” aforementioned. But yeah, Towcester is my official guess.
2 March 2018
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
Isn’t the Checkatrade Trophy the one in which the under 23 teams of some Premier League clubs compete? I think this season’s final was Lincoln v Chelsea as a consequence. I know that it causes much annoyance among fans of clubs in the lower divisions and has led to boycotts of matches in which Premier League teams are involved – it’s the sort of theme that the lyricist of “Friday Night And The Gates Are Low” might well revisit
2 March 2018
Brumbiscuit
@EXXO: What was the glorious 1991 result?
2 March 2018
dr desperate
Under-21s, I think. Lincoln v Chelsea was the semifinal, with the Imps going through 4-2 on penalties. The other semi (Shrewsbury v Yeovil) was called off on Tuesday because the pitch was frozen.
In last year’s competition the gate for West Brom’s academy side at home to Gillingham was two-eight-four, including (according to The Gills’ Twitter account) scouts, press and approximately nine away fans.
2 March 2018
MISTER TUBBS
Of course Knobheads on Quiz Shows could be a song about anything but knobheads on quiz shows, but there are plenty of knobheads on the Eggheads show that could earn a mention, such as the smug contestants picked for the sports round, looking anything but smug five minutes later when they’ve been knocked out by Judith or Chris because they thought Roger Milla was a scrum-half; or the contestants when given a ridiculously easy question insist on discounting each option, instead of just saying the answer “I don’t think it’s Windsor Davies, and I don’t think it’s the Great Wall of China either, but I’ve got a feeling that there’s a dragon on the Welsh flag”
2 March 2018
EXXO
@ Brum. We let you have that one, as it seemed strangely important to about 50,000 of you on the day, and besides we were warming up for a vastly more important game a few days later (a game that changed Tranmere’s whole history in a way that the Leyland DAF never quite seemed to manage for anyone).
(Blimey hark at me with the ‘we’, ah well I’ll let it stand for now. I do keep nearly going to matches after all. I was nearly going tomorrow but thankfully they called it off in plenty of time).
@Tubbsy I rarely watch that show but get the impression that contestants are forced to go through all those embarrassing ‘working-it-out-aloud’ processes by the show’s producers, something which seems to be coming into more and more quiz programmes.
@Pete Towcester would be ace. Need more racecourses to extend the range of my ever-popular EBR tips service, one of the most googled-for features of this entire site.
2 March 2018
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
A question for those who know more about these things – should we all pre-order the album from Amazon, thus pushing it up in their algorithms and bringing it to the notice of more casual fans who might have missed the extensive pre-release publicity? We can then cancel the order a few days before release, and buy it direct from Probe Plus. Would this work?
2 March 2018
BOBBYSVARC
A bit extreme, Just buy it from PP.
2 March 2018
Brumbiscuit
@EXXO: we did rather let our hair down that day. I can say ‘we’ as I was in the crowd, albeit sitting next total strangers due to being given a freebie. It was actually a pretty good game, won by a spectacular goal. The win in the Autowindscreen Pot in ’95 against Cambridge was a much more subdued affair, although the pre-match entertainment in Laaarndan, was not subdued. Still the only times I’ve seen BCFC at Wembley, as I was one stub short of a final ticket in 2011 for the League Cup win against The Arse.
2 March 2018
Chris from future doom
Is it safe assume The Announcement will be the spoken word piece?
2 March 2018
Angel01
Donald Trumpton?
2 March 2018
Mike Pendergast
I’m gonna saaaay….The Tissington Trail
2 March 2018
Bad loser
Will order from the Probe site again. Living in L17, as I believe Geoff does, I can expect a personal delivery. Or maybe not. Will I not receive one at all (as in the case of CSI) or will I receive 2 (as I did with 90 Bisodol). Further increases the excitement of release day.
2 March 2018
Paul f
I got a second UfO instead of Godcore but then got the Godcore along with an instruction to spread the word by giving away my spare UfO.
2 March 2018
MrSpecialPants
If ever an album title was in dire need of an exclamation mark!
2 March 2018
Idrisdachiseller
This is the first new album that they’ve put out since I got into them I’m tempted to take the day off to listen to it when I get it. Do you reckon PP could get it to me on its day of release? The day after’s my daughter’s birthday and it would probably be bad form to lock myself in the study with an LP and a bottle of slimline tonic.
2 March 2018
jodrell banksy
Just noticed that the proposed release date, May 18th, is the birthday of both Hedley Verity and Albert Hammond. Coincidence?
3 March 2018
Bobby svarc
The new distribution hub at Probe Plus will be open 24/7 during the merry month of May. Geoff’s been and got some stamps.
3 March 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Two record days for visitor numbers on the site. The power of Twitter, mainly.
3 March 2018
Paul f
@Jodrell Banks – unless Hammond’s parents were Yorkshire cricket fans with a rather precise approach to family planning and a desire to recognise Verity’s recent heroic (but tragic) role in the invasion of Sicily?
3 March 2018
dr desperate
I wonder if Nobby Stiles’ (q v) parents were also Veritiphiles. Others potentially hoping for a copy of N-OCAYCHSGYFHC on 18th May: Rick Wakeman, Toyah Wilcox and Wreckless Eric. If they formed a band called www I’d go.
3 March 2018
dr desperate
The parents of Nobby Stiles
Were enormous Veritiphiles
They ensured his birthday
Would be on the 18th of May.
3 March 2018
EXXO
Whereas Patrick Viera’s maman et papa
Were mad about Sir Len Hutton
Had a swing at twenty-third of June
And got it on the button.
3 March 2018
cardinal richelieu
If we’re still guessing place names … I’m plumping for Ecclefechan. I’ll leave NB to think of something that rhymes it.
3 March 2018
Bobby svarc
So Exxo has a got snide copy from the Doctor.
3 March 2018
Alice van der meer
Idrisdachiseller – the last one started shipping about a week before the “official” date (possibly just to annoy Amazon), so you might not need to…
3 March 2018
The harbinger of nothing
I’m hopeful that I might be onto a winner with Jimmy Carr. Fair chance he might make an appearance on ‘Knobheads on Quiz Shows’!
3 March 2018
jodrell banksy
Probe should release a ‘dub platter’ of the album the same day, and call it ‘Nobby Stiles’.
3 March 2018
IdrisdaChisEller
Thanks to Alice. That’s reassuring. I’ve been trying to conjure up a justification to be in L17 on the day of release, but I think I’ll just put my faith in Geoff and the Royal Mail.
3 March 2018
warden hodges
Gonna have a stroll up the Blue Coat School Lane that day.
3 March 2018
BOBBYSVARC
They had some kid delivering them on a bike when UFO came out.
3 March 2018
POP-TART MARK
I heard if they get enough orders there’ll be a ‘No-one Cares’ delivery drone, shitting on Amazon from a great height.
3 March 2018
dr desperate
Remember when Urge For Offal’s release date was at the end of October 2014, but it was available at Bilston on the 9th? Leamington is only three weeks before this release date.
4 March 2018
Bobby svarc
Yeah, mad days they were. I remember that we had a gentleman’s agreement that the lucky Bilston lot kept the lyrics to themselves and not to poke fun at those who were less fortunate. Is Lembo sold out?
4 March 2018
Seany mac
Hi all. I vote for Bebington!
4 March 2018
parsfan
Terminus – A one-word title! We don’t see many of them here. Only six others from what I can tell (excluding acronyms and names with numbers).
No cheating (I’ve already done that and still probably got it wrong) – how many can you come up with in five minutes?
4 March 2018
EXXO
Good game. Nobody post any answers for a couple of days to give more people a chance to do the 5-minute thing.
4 March 2018
EXXO
Got four – one straight away, two more in the first minute, then one just before the five minutes was up.
Wonder how long it would take me to get the other two?
Could give a clue or clues sort of grouping the four, but won’t.
4 March 2018
0902FRIENDs
One wonders where Bat Walk has disappeared off to?
(It’s “Renfield’s Afoot” – CtSO)
4 March 2018
Bobby svarc
Piece of pi55, 4 hours 8 minutes
4 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
I still haven’t got all six if no numerals at all are allowed in the ‘word’. Got a fifth within ten minutes, and did have two more ‘single word’ titles containing a numeral or numerals within the five minutes. It’s been interesting just to find out that despite being an obsessive, I don’t really have an exhaustive internal HMHB discography to sift through – too reliant on written sources.
5 March 2018
Chris The Siteowner
There were indeed six with single words (now seven); three which are acronyms; and one which has hyphens (and indeed a number).
If we count all those as single word titles, and contractions/hyphenated terms as single words, the updated list of word counts is:
1 word: 11 songs
2 words: 44 songs
3: 44
4: 38
5: 22
6: 20
7: 15
8: 3
9: 2
10: 3
11: 1
12: 0
13: 1
14: 0
15: 1
Indeed, we have a new entry in the list of titles with a double-figure number of words, as MOCS(WAGICU) joins SG(SSBMMCOOA), TFB(WYADOAT), AIWFCIADPAK, EMWSH(LTSADOTP) and of course TLATEOFTT(ITLOAOT)…
5 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
What do want? Freedom for IACD(BICSTP)! When do we want it? Whenever!
Interesting, by the way, to debate what 4AD3DCD is, in terms of is it a ‘word’? Is it an acronym?
I still haven’t got that sixth one.
5 March 2018
dr desperate
I’d describe 4AD3DCD as an alphanumeric initialism, since it would be hard to pronounce as an acronym. (I wouldn’t want to try shouting for it as one, anyway.)
5 March 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Robins fans swerving a farcical trip to Blackpool.
5 March 2018
Third Rate Les
A swearword in the title? That’s a novelty (aside from “Bono” and “bottom”).
5 March 2018
The dynamic entrance
I’d like to cast Victoria Coren (Mitchell) into the ring. Also, I’d like to change my placename to the Rhinogs. ( not Cadair Idris). I’m getting too excited now!!!
5 March 2018
JOeyDeaconsdisciples
Its Otterspool for me
5 March 2018
parsfan
Time for a clue.
Three of them are compounds, though only one is a real word. One of the others is a pun and the third should really be two.
Of the other three, one probably features in many least-favourite lists, one is on the same album as the first one above and the other is from a (post-) Peel session.
5 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Still ain’t got number six [EDIT – finally got it just now – a mere 36 hours after the question was posed – not from the clue about a pun, but once I’d got it I was then helped by your clue to re-realise the puntastic-ness of a title I hadn’t thought about for twenty years!]
Meanwhile I’ve been gathering stats to question some assumptions, particularly after I re-read a thread from elsewhere, posted over seventeen years ago, asking “who should get the treatment on the next HMHB album?”.
I get the impression that because many celebs dissed on the early albums were demolished in such memorable ways, and because lines like “Neil Morrissey’s a knobhead”,”Nick Fucking Knowles” and “Midge Ure looks like a Milk thief” are so punchily memorable, a lot of fans (and even more of the passing public) still expect most of Mr. B’s celeb references to diss those he name-checks.
Obviously, most celebrities mentioned are just that – they are only mentioned, without being called a knobhead or given a pithy middle name. So it takes a bit of interpretation from context to get the feeling behind the mention – which is to some extent subjective. Anyway, I looked on the past four albums at all celebs, TV and showbiz mentions from people who have been alive in our lifetime (but including a couple of musical celebrities who are from a slightly earlier era). By my own subjective reckoning, only 15 of the 64 or so references on the last 4 albums are downright condemnations – about 23%. The implication behind another 16% is that they are boring or predictable viewing. Almost exactly 50% of mentions are neutral or randomly surreal – this applies to nearly all the sports mentions of course. If in doubt about whether they were neutral or boring & predictable, I erred on the side of boring and predictable, so that the stats show that neutral is the largest category even when you take a wide interpretation of the negative (Suranne Jones would be a good example of this – it’s the “go-to” casting of her that is mildly dissed in a song about predictability and stereotyping – a case of over-exposure a la Amanda Burton). Finally, around 10% of mentions are sympathetic a la Mary Hopkin, or downright positive as in Arthur Lowe.
5 March 2018
The harbinger of nothing
@CtSO (#179): Isn’t EMWSH(LTSADOTP) just called EMWSH?
That would mean that TLATEOTT(ITLFAOT) has 36% more words than the second-highest song. Although when it comes to albums, the new one will be a clear winner with a 72% increase over #2 (and that’s counting ‘no-one’ as one word).
Statto!
5 March 2018
Chris The Siteowner
You are of course completely right. I can’t believe nobody has ever pointed out the overenthusiastic mistake in the title of EMWSH. And you’re all usually so reliable.
Note to readers in the future: this will probably make little sense once I’ve corrected that song’s title, which I will do …soon.
Further update: OK, done. The non-existent bracketed section lives on in the web page address.
6 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Thanks for the edit to my last post above, Chris.
One interesting thing confirmed by my categorisations for me was just how different (to the previous three, anyway) ‘Urge for Offal’ was in tone in its mentions of celebs. Twelve out of fourteen, i.e. about 85% of celeb mentions are in the “neutral/randomly surreal” category on U.F.O., only one in the boring/predictable category (the aforementioned go-to casting of Ms. Jones), and only one in the “dissed” category, and even then Midge Ure is dissed not by the Blackwell ‘voice’ itself, but by an apparently somewhat loose-marbled character in the song (but with whom we all join in, naturally). There is plenty of this on earlier albums too of course, but the 85% here is very striking.
Some of my other previous recollections are shown by the stats as flawed. I keep going on (earlier in this thread) about how obscure recent HMHB TV references often are to me, compared to the 1985-87 period of HMHB when we only had four channels and all those referred to were ultra-famous. But in fact looking at the TV & film references on the last four albums, there have only been about 25% (6 or 7 out of 25) where I couldn’t put the face to the name or programme when I first heard the lyrics, so maybe there is, after all, more hope than I was previously admitting of inclusion in ‘No-one Cares’ for some of your recent megastar-level TV predictions.
It may be interesting, finally, to give a categorisation of those 64 celebs/ showbiz items from the last four albums: 5 musical combos, 11 singers, 13 sports personalities, 2 famous-in-real-life groups of sports fans (yes, the second one of those is ‘Henman Hill’), 9 TV presenters, 7 TV actors (at least two of whom have recently become even more ubiquitous as presenters), 4 fictional TV characters, 4 TV shows (three with eponymous characters or stars, so those 3 could also have been in one of the previous categories), 1 film actor, 1 statesman, 1 stage show, 2 authors (one crap one proper ‘thinker’), 1 designer, 1 aristocrat landowner….. and (ahem) one dubbing mixer.
6 March 2018
dr desperate
Strictly speaking, only one of the one-word titles is an acronym, in that it’s pronounced as though a word in itself. (Incidentally, it’s on the same album as another title which, with a millimetre’s difference in kerning, could have been a puntastic compound acronym.)
6 March 2018
Third Rate Les
Regarding “every time a bell rings”, I’d like to nominate “It’s A Wonderful Life” as the most disappointing film I’ve ever seen. Previous incumbent was Citizen Kane, but now surpassed.
Some nice little moments – the electricity when they’re talking into the same phone, the economics lecture to his banking customers – but fundamentally it champions lovable incompetence, and excuses him for taking out the resulting frustrations on his own kids. Sanctimonious arse.
6 March 2018
Paul F
Otterspool gets a mention on Julian Cope’s last (extremely Blackwellian) album.
6 March 2018
dr desperate
In fact, one could argue (had one nothing better to do, and were there an A – Z page on which to do so) that even that title is not purely an acronym, as its first two letters reference an initialism not itself acronymic.
6 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Please explain for those of us a bit bunged up today, Doc.
(we can mention ITMA by name ‘cos it’s not one of the 6 answers to the quiz).
Which reminds me that I’ve been meaning to send the noble Siteowner a list of references that are in song titles, but not yet included in the A-Z.
6 March 2018
CHRIS THE SITEOWNER
Anyone can send me anything they’ve spotted which is not in the A–Z, I’d be delighted to add it.
6 March 2018
Spork abuser
Surging into the comments to defend it’s a wonderful life. Yes, the central message – know your place – is brutal. But I still cry every time. Going to assume the song is only extremely tangentially related in any case…
6 March 2018
Third Rate Les
More positively than a sour rant about a much-loved film, if I were going to pick a current TV show to feature in a song, I’d pick Say Yes To The Dress.
Utterly fascinating TV. Deep-rooted fantasies and phobias about marriage, disapproving parents, tensions in relationships before they even start, complexes about body shapes, economic realities, and the occasional moment of delightful joy. Plus the brilliant Randy Fenoli, a magnetic screen presence (and winner of Miss Gay America in 1980).
However, whatever you do don’t watch the UK version with David Emmanuel. Not only is he horrible to watch, I then couldn’t get the almost illegal Elton Welsby out of my head.
Maybe “Every Time A Bell Rings” isn’t about boring Christmas films about small-town retail banking, it’s actually a homage to Randy. I can but hope.
6 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
I’ll say that I’ll do the list of references in song titles(and even album titles?) today, Chris, on the off chance that anyone else (Doc?) was gonna waste time on it when they could be paying homage to Randy.
6 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Well, that didn’t take long – I’d noticed three or four proper nouns in song titles that weren’t in the A-Z, so thought there might be more, but there are only 5 that I can see in total. Hope I haven’t been daft and missed them somewhere.
A Country Practice (TV programme)
ITMA (radio Programme)
Mr. Edmonds
Stavanger
Ted & Alice (last part of a film title)
6 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Well, that’s 48 hours since Paul’s quiz, so another clue?
The form for single-word titles in the pop charts is not too impressive. In the Lux Familiar Cup 2015, the highest was 99th, the next 120th, and the 4 others all bunched up between 173rd and 180th, out of the 192 songs.
This is not of course a reflection of their quality, and one wondered how many times some voters had really listened to that wonderful song in a ridiculous 180th place.
6 March 2018
BOBBYSVARC
I got slung out of The Dog & Gun in 1978 for wearing an “If it aint Stiff it aint worth a fcuk” T-Shirt, the long-gone landlord called me “a degenerate”, fair comment I suppose. The pub is still there, remarkably, hope Geoff gets some shirts printed.
6 March 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Well if he doesn’t I know more than one person who will.
6 March 2018
dr desperate
My point about ITMA was that, although the radio programme it celebrates (hats off to Handley) was an acronym, the song title could be read with the IT as a separate abbreviation of Information Technology, in much the same way as the confusingly-titled Channel 4 nerdcom ‘The IT Crowd’.
7 March 2018
Third Rate Les
I was once a Knobhead On A Quiz Show.
It was Connecticut’s longest-running public show, As Schools Match Wits, and my only proper TV appearance to date.
We were the sneering toffs from the posh school (was there on a gap yah scholarship), and we got our asses kicked by the plucky underdog redneck heroes from the local high school, Windsor High. I suspect the entire audience cheered raucously.
It was interesting watching the production process – just one camera and the presenter, who was able to do the intros and banter in a single take to the precise second, every single time. Even he smirked when the final buzzer went. Git.
9 March 2018
Third Rate Les
For me, What Made Colombia famous was obviously Young and Crippen’s thrillingly foolhardy maiden test flight, plus of course the breach of the carbon-carbon panels on the leading edge of the wing which led to its tragic break up on re-entry in 2003.
But suspect it’s not that Colombia. Simon Bolivar? Pablo Escobar? That goalkeeper’s scorpion kick?
9 March 2018
dr desperate
I may have mentioned before Danny Baker’s comment on that goalkeeper (René Higuita, El Loco)’s scorpion kick, “What is it that gives these Colombians such incredible self-confidence?” I suspect that substance will be among the subjects of WMCF, along the lines of Glenn Sutton’s 1968 ‘What’s Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me)’, referencing a Schlitz beer ad and recorded by The Killer.
An emerald bracelet may also feature.
9 March 2018
Paul F
@Les – I once attended the recording of the Radio Merseyside Maths Challenge at my school, where the away team, Maghull High School I believe, included a future mutual acquaintance of ours, who later appeared on Blockbusters (qv) and was then further tested on television by Gordon Burns (qv).
9 March 2018
transit full of keith
Recent discussion of chandlers, ostlers and ne’er-do-wells makes me wonder what rare, declining or archaic words will get a dusting off on the new album. If I had to choose, I’d go for “perfidy”.
9 March 2018
BLOOD ON CHAPEL COURT
Swerved University Challenge when I saw the other candidates for selection; a couple of years later, Stephen, Hugh, Emma & Ben portrayed such knobheads on the Young Ones without much need for exaggeration.
9 March 2018
BOBBYSVARC
That was the episode that Alexei was a train driver and went on to do a really funny Biscuit sketch.
9 March 2018
Third Rate Les
Sorry, it’s Colombia, not Columbia (never really noticed that distinction). So it’s definitely not about space shuttles. Well done to Dr Desperate for the Milwaukee reference, which sounds right.
12 March 2018
joyfouly notthingless
I want to hear a tune… is there a glimpse of it on youtube, or anywhere else?
Heard they’re gonna do a gig in Brazil as well, so I’d be there as well… >(
18 March 2018
transit full of keith
This “creative hub” opened in Birkenhead last year:
http://www.wirralchamber.co.uk/Press-and-PR/News/Wirral-Chamber-launches-The-Sheds-to-support-digital–creative-business-growth/
“Shed Street offers a home away from home inside a spacious ‘garden shed’ environment”. Odd sentence that, unless you live in a shed.
Wonder if this place might have influenced title?
(No evidence of a hedge though).
18 March 2018
Angel01
Pratt’s Bottom.
It’s got to turn up sooner or later.
20 March 2018
BOBBYSVARC
These Twitter and Twitterettes really need the new album badly.
20 March 2018
J Clitheroe jnr.
Somehow working in Llanfairpwll-gwyngyllgogerychwyrndrob-wllllantysiliogogogoch to a rhyme has to be the goal.
21 March 2018
Synthetic supporter
Whittle Le Woods
21 March 2018
EXXO
I’m holed up in a hotel in gloomy grey Galway, waiting for my first day’s paid work of 2018. I’m full of phlegmy cold, the hotel isn’t central, and Ireland is far too expensive to do anything much anyway. As a consequence it’s my first serious, all-day incursion into daytime telly for a while and if I hear the phrase “weather watchers’ photos” one more time I will be convinced it has to appear on the album, probably in ‘Umberstone Covert’. Meanwhile Dom Littlewood must have been in serious contention for a reference in ‘Emergency Locksmith’ and the knobheads off ‘The Sherrifs are Coming’ are giving me such waking nightmares that I’m glad bailiffs have already been covered in HMHB song.
22 March 2018
Stan boardman
Stockton Heath
22 March 2018
warden hodges
Fenny Drayton
23 March 2018
MISTER TUBBS
Kirby Muxloe
23 March 2018
Bobby svarc
Stretton En Le Field, a small village near Swad on the Leics/Derbys border. You could often see the late former heavyweight champion of the midlands, Jack Bodell pounding the hard miles around these parts in preparation for his next defence or was that defeat.
23 March 2018
Transit Full Of Keith
Exxo, is your Galway trip a TEFL gig?
Recommended listening: “Galway Races” (trad.arr. The Pogues)
Recommend a bargepole: “Galway Girl” (Ed Sheeran)
With me whack fol the do fol the diddlely idle ay
23 March 2018
dr desperate
Agreed on the bargepole: go instead for the ‘Galway Girl’ by Steve Earle, whose ‘Johnny Come Lately’ also features The Pogues. You knew that.
23 March 2018
BOBBYSVARC
Tracks that never made the final thirteen
1, The halcyon days of twenty to five finishes
24 March 2018
EXXO
Aye. No lunchtime game in the Prem so N & N have to get up 3 hours earlier to watch a dour struggle with flipping Eastleigh in front of a reduced crowd. Can’t imagine the BT audience is much more than the reduction in the actual attendance.
24 March 2018
BOBBYSVARC
I get it for £5 because I use BT Broadband, I’ll watch it until the racing starts.
24 March 2018
EXXO
Andy Cook wincast 6/4 Skybet
24 March 2018
BOBBYSVARC
IN THE HALCYON DAYS
In the halcyon days of twenty to five finishes
Now every day my interest diminishes
In the days of yore, we knew the score
Back in the car by Five
In the halcyon days of the neutral ground semis
Now a new rubbish format that pays for Wembley’s
Overpriced construction and the FA Cup destruction
It only signals the end.
In the halcyon days of the floodlight towers
Seen for miles and saved many hours
Of traipsing through streets away from the station
No need for Satellite-Navigation
In the halcyon days of proper terrace chanting
You’d do it so much that you’d be panting
No need for drums or cardboard clapping
Sing, forever and a day
In the halcyon days of Stringy and The Tank
Weller, class on grass and what about Frank?
Am I just dreaming,… yes! that’s probably it
Signed, Anon,…silly old git
© Bobby Svarc
24 March 2018
Ken Livingstone
Pott Shrigley
24 March 2018
Creamcheeseandchives
A grand place. Passed through on many a walk and ,in my youth ,cycle ride. A start point to explore Lyme Park. Also home to Shrigley Hall-a fancy wedding venue now but used to be a seminary I think.
It would rhyme with ‘not Chigley’ though so could be a shoe in.
25 March 2018
dr desperate
Old Manc hands may recall that Greasy Bear, “Manchester’s answer to The Grateful Dead” recorded an album in 1970 which was slated for release on Vertigo as “Live At Pott Shrigley” but eventually came out on Vinyl Revival in 2016 as ‘Is Adrian There?’
25 March 2018
Toxteth
Well if one was to swerve the checkatrade one could end up in Pease Pottage
25 March 2018
Bulbatross
I reckon we’ll have a ” Give me a Brexit” going into solo, shout out.
4 April 2018
Marko
Bobby Svarc.. The British Isles??? Or the Isle of Britain?
5 April 2018
Just mark
I’m feeling Deeply Vale today.
5 April 2018
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
I notice that the Amazon page for the new album has several warnings for “Explicit Lyrics”. Apart from wondering how they know, if the lyrics are fully and clearly expressed then there’s not going to be much fun trying to decipher them…
6 April 2018
Paul F
I’m assuming they are going off the title of the album.
6 April 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Amusingly on the individual tracks they’ve omitted to asterisk out the “fuckin'”. Although as it’s next to an image of the album cover, I guess it’s hardly important.
6 April 2018
Slow dempsey
The iTunes Store has the album available for pre-order. There are track lengths given and short excerpts from each song can be played.
I won’t give any spoilers but the album appears to contain much of what we’d expect. A fair amount of venom aimed at idiots, self-aggrandising arseholes and others; some tales of unrequited passion and a smatttering of more serious, darker material.
Some names and places can be distinguished in the clips but no mention thus far of my guesses – Miriam Margolyes and Symonds Yat.
6 April 2018
Chris The Siteowner
‘Tis true I’m afraid. You can hear about 30 seconds of each track. You can get to the web page here and then I think you have to click to view in the iTunes app to get the chance to hear the previews. But seriously, if you have the willpower and can resist, wait to hear the tracks in full. It’s not the same.
Do folks want us to allow discussion of the snippets here? If the consensus is ‘no’, I suppose I could ask people not to, and delete any comments which transgress. But I can’t guarantee to get that done quickly enough for people casually dipping in to the site to avoid spoilers. So we may have to lump it.
Apple (and the rest of the modern music business) really are a pain in the arse.
6 April 2018
Cygnus
Oh FFS…
I would definitely prefer to wait until the album comes out.
6 April 2018
EXXO
Modern entertainment is rubbish. 6 weeks discussion of snippets, before many people get access to the songs, will surely be be the worst kind of torture and I’ll vote for a ban on discussion (with thanks in anticipation to Chris for his devoted deletions).
However if the album is available 3 weeks today in Leamington, what then?
6 April 2018
hendrix-tattoo
I also vote for the discussion/s to start on release from Probe in the coming weeks….
6 April 2018
Transit full of keith
Will resist the snippets, and personally I’d vote for no discussion or posting of lyrics until release date … maybe plus a few days for postage even? I’m not going to Leamington, and as a relatively new fan would really like to have the pleasure of helping you lovely people with the transcription on here if possible …
6 April 2018
CArrie anne
My vote is also for no discussions until release. Also, should we stagger starting the dissections of each track? I think that was the case for UFO?
6 April 2018
BOBBYSVARC
I doubt that I’ll be at Lembo so I’ll wait.
6 April 2018
jodrell banksy
As far as place-name hat-ring-tossing goes, I might double my odds and go with: Gurney Slade (Mendip Hill area, and Anthony Newley TV show).
6 April 2018
Bad loser
I remember a parental advisory label on CSI Ambleside which I can only imagine was because they didn’t know what ‘Lord Hereford’s Knob’ was.
6 April 2018
FLINTLOCK
Nice one GWA (#238). You might have launched a Goodyear airship though.
I think I avoided this place altogether for a couple of weeks after UfO came out. I’m going to have to start my purdah right now if anyone discusses the snippets.
6 April 2018
Phyllis Triggs
And it’s a no from me too. Let’s try to keep this a snippets-free zone. If the album is available at Leamington tho that’s a different matter. I’d love to read what lucky Leamington gig-goers reckon to it – surely this would just serve to whet the appetite, like in days of yore, reading about the new releases before they made it to your local record store/the back of the electrician’s shop.
6 April 2018
Trapped in texas (help!)
Morecambe is my bet. I spent 6 months of a dismal winter living here once. Not an experience I ever want to repeat (although the curry was decent).
6 April 2018
GORDON BURNS
I’m hoping for a mention of Dockerills, the famous Brighton ironmonger. One day…
7 April 2018
dr desperate
I’d prefer to wait until release date before beginning the discussion. (The fact that I’m going away on holiday straight after Leamington has nothing to do with it.)
7 April 2018
Bobby svarc
Swerving the Checkatrade tomorrow. Even though my alter image played for LCFC after he left the real LCFC I won’t bother watching. I suppose my uncle Chic will be there on front row , I still don’t talk to him after that attempted GBH charge fell through.
7 April 2018
john chappell
Don’t worry, I won’t spill any beans! However, regarding the iTunes debacle. For some reason you can hear 30 seconds of the first five tracks but for the remaining eight tracks you can hear 1 minute 30 seconds of each song. Strange.
12 April 2018
Baz
I’ve heard Man of Constant Sorrow (With A Garage In Constant Use) here –
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVXW4JTJumk
Yes, it’s the one doing they’ve been doing live in various incarnations for quite a while – CtSO
12 April 2018
BOBBYSVARC
That leaves about 12 minutes then.
12 April 2018
The harbinger of nowt
https://youtu.be/6euDyrcnp5o
Don Letts just played this on 6 Music. Could it be an inspiration or just a coincidence? From what I remember of the live version, I’d say it’s the latter – especially given that there’s no mention of garages. (The writer of this song clearly has more pressing issues – despite the band name, which is arguably even sillier than HMHB!)
15 April 2018
Paul F
@Harbinger – It’s an old folk song made familiar to modern ears through the version you link to from the film O Brother Where Art Thou?
Coincidentally, an earlier version (and the song’s background) is referenced in this article which appeared today. https://www.avclub.com/muddy-waters-loretta-lynn-and-the-phantom-were-the-ju-1825154463
16 April 2018
EXXO
@ Harbinger. Mr. B’s new song includes definite parody of the folk/bluegrass standard that he will know in many, many versions, but it would surprise me if your ‘Soggy Bottom Boys’ version from ‘Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?’ wan’t one of his favourites. Your post suggests that you have never seen the movie and I cannot recommend it highly enough. Other scenes with interest for the casual Biscuiteer include one that will get you singing ‘Hair Like Brian May Blues’ and one which gives me a real feeling that ‘Multitude’ might just have been written under the influence of this movie, direct or indirect.
16 April 2018
EXXO
Posted that at the same time as m’learned friend, to whom a hat tip.
16 April 2018
Cygnus
@ Exxo; Watched “Oh Brother,Where Art Thou?” for the first time just the other day, an enjoyable romp it was too. However I’m sure all Biscuiteers would have suspected that Bible salesman (and KKK member) Daniel “Big Dan” Teague (John Goodman) was a fraudster when he claimed to know The Bible “…from Genesis to Revelations.”
16 April 2018
Stephen Howell
Historically, there’s been a bit of an obsession with East Anglia and the Fens, presumably at least partly because from the vantage point of Merseyside it is a far off mysterious and distant land.
So I’m going to have a punt on an outsider and bet that Swanton Morley will get a namecheck.
18 April 2018
Polo-necked Jean
Any word yet on whether the album will be on sale at Leamington?
(I’ve asked Geoff Davies and will report back if I get a reply – CtSO)
19 April 2018
Carltron
There are two roadsigns not a hundred yards apart on the road from Deal to Ramsgate. The first says ‘Ham’ the second ‘Sandwich’. Worth waking the kids up for…
19 April 2018
Miramar
All of Alehouse Futsal is available on Apple Music, but no snippets of the other songs. I don’t pretend to understand why this is different to iTunes and I’ll make no comment on the lyrics, etc. 🙂
20 April 2018
Bobby svarc
Relief is coming for breakfast. Large unmarked cardboard boxes have been spotted.
20 April 2018
Polo-necked Jean
Alehouse Futsal is also now available to buy from Amazon ( I’ll be swerving the option and buying from Probe ). Also can be streamed from Google Play Music , Apple etc in its entirety
20 April 2018
Polo-necked Jean
I’m treading warily here, but with AF now ‘ released ‘ for purchase, is it ok to discuss or do we wait ? Personally, I shamefully listened to all of the clips from Amazon and then bought the MP3 too. I’ll obviously pay for it again, hopefully at Leamington.
Anyone else ? Or shall we pretend we’ve not heard it
20 April 2018
Chris The Siteowner
It appears to be the digital equivalent of the ‘lead single’ from the album as it’s now available to stream from Spotify as well as download for 99p from iTunes Music Store or Amazon Music. I’ll put its pages up in a moment, then we can do the lyrics and get cracking.
21 April 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Grr. I’ve been listening to those lovely tantalising samples for a fortnight and loving every moment of anticipating the real thing, while respectfully not breathing a word on here, and now I’m gonna have to avoid this place for 4 weeks ‘cos I don’t want to have to subscribe to bloomin’ Spotify (whatever that is).
Or is there any way you could stick the new album thread somewhere where it does not appear in ‘Latest Comments’?
21 April 2018
Chris The Siteowner
No shame in listening to Spotify, Charles. It costs you nothing, and the band get a tiny, tiny amount of money every time you listen to a track there. So go ahead and listen to it! After all, it’s just the modern day equivalent of the lead single from the album, released a few weeks early.
I’ve created:
• the page for the album;
• the lyrics page for Alehouse Futsal;
• the lyrics discussion page.
21 April 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
So when it says ‘sign up’ I don’t pay anything? And I don’t have to have a ‘page’ or anything where they can put ads? And I don’t have to agree to be ‘friends’ with anyone who posts pictures of holidays or weddings? What’s the catch?
21 April 2018
Chris The Siteowner
None, AFAIK. If you have a free account, I think you have to listen to ads every now and then. Do tell us about the experience.
21 April 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Well it turns out, when I tried to register, that either I already had an account from when I was desperate to listen to something else, or else Spotify’s link with faceache is even more sinister than it appears (like many, I have a secret name for occasional visits to faceache that nobody else will ever recognise as me or try to ‘friend’, but at least I can see photos and announcements of certain events that people sometimes put on there).
So anyway the album’s opener seems to fit my curmudging mood quite well.
21 April 2018
Snout
When the new album is released, it will be their 14th proper studio album. If you add in the two compilation LPs, that makes a nice power-of-two number 16.
So when the dust settles on the new album, maybe an Album Cup – a long-form version of the Lux Familiar – would be a good idea?
21 April 2018
Polo-necked Jean
Blimey. I’m stuck on the husky reference already, can’t hear anything canine related but I’m famously cloth-eared. Charles ?
21 April 2018
warden hodges
I can see Alehouse Futsal being a great opener…as for Elbow in Delamere,…nah I’ll pass.
21 April 2018
Stef from Grimsby..
I’m hankering for the inclusion for the tiny Lincolnshire village if Mavis Enderby to be included in any forthcoming offerings. It has great opportunity for obscure reference
22 April 2018
Gradge
I cant seem to pre order the album via Probe Plus? Is there a link anywhere, or is it just not listed yet?
It’s not listed yet – they don’t tend to do pre-orders wildly in advance, unlike some stores. But keep checking back. – CtSO
22 April 2018
Scoff cruddle
I’ve always hankered after Shingay-cum-Wendy making it in. Not so far from St Neots, and always made me smile, back in the days I drove west from Cambridge towards Sandy (can’t comment on what colour the clowns from there are)
22 April 2018
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
So, did anyone mention Delamere? Haven’t got time to re-read all 280+ posts
23 April 2018
bignonioides
How’s about a Kilmacomic from Kilmacolm?
24 April 2018
WObs
I’m just pleased I don’t have a hedge. Or a creative hub, as both would take up unnecessary space in my garden.
25 April 2018
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
The Probe Plus website now says “Available soon for pre-order, watch this space”, so I’m watching but nothing much is happening
25 April 2018
dickhead in quicksand
@Warden Hodges
“My stab at it is Moreton.”
In all seriousness, this a fansite. Please do not bring your personal issues in here.
25 April 2018
Stuart Boam
My guess is Probe 75 will be on the desk tomorrow.
26 April 2018
Bobby svarc
Quicksand: What’s that all about then?
(likewise; welcome back though, DiQ – CtSO)
27 April 2018
JOHN ANDERSON
Looks like the review copies have gone out. Gideon Coe’s just tweeted a picture of the back cover. Hopefully he’ll be featuring some of the tracks on his forthcoming shows.
27 April 2018
EXXO
The ones he’s allowed to play : -) Even from the 30-second snippets there are plenty he won’t be able to.
27 April 2018
EXXO
Yeah I know …. but I when I said that 3 weeks ago, I meant it would be the discussion of the snippets that would be pure torture, not the snippets themselves (which 2-3 weeks ago were the only thing keeping me sane).
So anyway, finally got to listen on a massive stereo just now – listened both gently and blasting it to an auditorium here at Leeds Uni (because I can’t go the gig tonight so i was pretending) – amazed that people aren’t hearing “I speak”. Listen to the way he says “I’ll” a few seconds later. Sometimes we do pronounce I more like just “a” and I’ll like “Al”.
27 April 2018
Polo-necked Jean
Album on sale at Leamington!
27 April 2018
Chris The Siteowner
I suppose now the question is: “Can we discuss the album now that a few dozen people have got it because it was on sale at Leamington?” Or should we wait until release date, which still seems forever away?
27 April 2018
EXXO
Thanks for the heads up Mick – don’t often check the old Exford account but got it – could turn into a classic winner that one :-).
@ Jean – please heckle till he’s forced to say something about the album – he might eventually shrug and turn to Neil and ask him if he knows if it’s on sale.
27 April 2018
SIMON P
New album on sale … except it sold out 5 minutes before yours truly arrived. Grr.
27 April 2018
Transit full of keith
Release date, surely, Chris. Maybe with exceptions for anything that gets played on the radio before then.
27 April 2018
BOBBY SVARC
The 12 other runner looked decent too!
27 April 2018
SIMON P
Half way through and nowt new apart from Renfield … Nigel admits he hasn’t got a copy either “but could play it to himself at home”
27 April 2018
SIMON P
Alehouse played as well.
27 April 2018
Polo-necked Jean
Sleeve spoiler alert.
The inside cover contains little more than a crossword compiled by Tommy McArdle
28 April 2018
BOBBY SVARC
Best album since Bono, Guitar work by Neil is very good.
29 April 2018
EXXO
I think we can safely get rid of TV, the capitals for time slip and all the capitals for alehouse and futsal and be pretty confident that the rest is correct.
29 April 2018
hendrix-tattoo
I agree Bobby Neil’s Bass parts are excellent…
29 April 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Well, yes they are Tony, but Mick was talking about his guitar parts – as usual Neil plays lead on the songs he’s written.
29 April 2018
hendrix-tattoo
I know Neil as a big influence on the sound of the band and he and Nigel are very much a team.
Whatever Guitar parts Neil plays they sound excellent especially his Bassplaying.
And I’m thinking now that Neil will be teaching Karl the guitar parts for songs to be played live at future gigs….
29 April 2018
BOBBY SVARC
Love the sleeve.
29 April 2018
peter mcornithologist
Your collective dismissal of Ken is disappointing .
30 April 2018
BOBBY SVARC
I’m not quite with you on that, Peter.
30 April 2018
peter mcornithologist
Ah Bobby . I probably speak as a relative outsider especially as I will never witness a gig . However at times I find some of Kens guitar work bordering upon rare beauty .
30 April 2018
BOBBY SVARC
Neil is a brilliant guitarist Peter, I don’t think many on here cheered the news that Ken had retired, far from it but life goes on and I wish him well. Karl? is a fine guitarist too and watching YT videos of recent gigs you can definitely see a change with the band, more dynamic. With the enforced curtailment of my gig going now confirmed my only chance of seeing the band live is via YouTube, that is, of course, Geoff hurries up and gets his eagerly awaited live gig streaming subscription service up and running. 😉
30 April 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
New track on Gid Coe in a few minutes – maybe about nine forty something?
30 April 2018
Webbie Webbster
Clip here from Coe’s show for Harsh Times in Umberstone Covert:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/music/artists/10eb06ab-0695-4057-97a5-bea9eeb6fb6d
Song played about 30 mins in.
(note – link to full song now available below – CtSO)
30 April 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Interesting that Coe made the same mispronunciation as Nigel of ‘covert’, as if the noun was pronounced the same way as the adjective.
30 April 2018
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
I just checked Probe Plus to see if the album was available for preorder yet. It now has a page but there are no order links on it, which I guess implies the intern is putting it together – maybe ready tomorrow?
1 May 2018
Bobby svarc
Do not fret, Geoff has boxes of CDs waiting to sell. Probe will not sell out. You may get a message saying “OUT OF STOCK” ignore this and go back later, Geoff puts the out of stock sign up so he can keep up with demand and to put the kettle on.
Probe Plus, unspoilt by progress
1 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Harsh Times in Umberstone Covert can now be heard in full on iPlayer from last night’s Gideon Coe show:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09y2fdf#playt=0h36m03s
(available until the end of May, but the album will be out by then)
1 May 2018
Jeff Dreadnought
Thanks for the link Chris and Webbie. Christ, that bassline’s good.
1 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Mr. Coe seems to have chosen to broadcast a particularly tricky one lyrically for the Project, given that there are two separate lines which feature full names of what seem to be fictional characters, sung very fast, and we’ll never quite be sure of how to spell them unless and until someone asks the Bard himself. Plus one other line I’m struggling with meself as the collocations are rather unusual.
1 May 2018
Warden
Cheers Svarc,
Yep I’ll be on School Lane with a plastic tenner in a couple of weeks.
1 May 2018
Hendrix-tattoo
Bobby does the ‘Out of Stock’ also apply with the selling of T-Shirts?
1 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
No, That really means out of stock.
Geoff/Miles usually are ok but if they get snowed under then they’ll put ‘Out Of Stock’ up, this will stay like this for an hour or so, until they’ve cleared the backlog then they’ll go back on sale. DO NOT be fooled when it say’s 38 in stock, or whatever, that is the way the shop software works. 100-1. They have 1000’s in stock.
1 May 2018
Hendrix-tattoo
Thanks Bobby you are a Gent.
1 May 2018
TransiT full of keith
‘Harsh Times in Umberstone Covert’ is superb.
1 May 2018
Slow dempsey
Gideon Coe played Man of Constant Sorrow on last night’s show. Available on iPlayer approx 56 minutes in.
2 May 2018
Gradge
Has anyone managed to purchase the album from the Probe site yet?
2 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
No, But watch that space.
2 May 2018
Polo-necked Jean
There’s loads I’d like to say about the album, but I won’t. Wonder when the reviews will begin, and who will publish the first ?
2 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Jean – sounds like you have a way of looking at “latest comments” on this site without having to look at the tweets down the side (tweets which today include Paddy Shennan’s mini-review from The Echo?). Wish I could do that!
2 May 2018
Polo-necked Jean
Exactly Charles, I view on my mobile and the tweets are at the bottom of the page. Thanks for pointing me in the direction of the review, I’ll have a read. Have you been fortunate enough to hear the album ?
2 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
After the Leamington gig someone was selling bootleg cassettes of the album at Paddy’s Market on Saturday morning. I nabbed one early doors as evidence, before shopping the whole gaff to a passing trading standards official (who wasn’t best pleased by the paperwork this entailed). These are the measures I will continue to take in my campaign to make sure you ALL buy from Probe Plus online, by postal order or on the stall at gigs.
3 May 2018
Bobby svarc
Well done Comrade Exford. We managed to shut down a few illegal T-Shirt vendors form the usual online street markets. These were actual full on sellers not someone knocking up a few for mates. A few claimed that they were fans and this was their tribute to the band. One, had named his tat “The exclusive HMHB range”, shame really.
3 May 2018
Hendrix-tattoo
Well done Nigel, I take my hat off to you mate.(Takes off imaginary hat)
3 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Lard played ‘The Announcement’ tonight, which will presumably have stymied Coe’s vague promise (on Tuesday after playing ‘MoCS’) of another new track tonight.
3 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
And as soon as I wrote that played ‘Alehouse Futsal’.
3 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Turns out ‘The Announcement’ was on Marc Lard’s show Wednesday the 2nd at about 8:18 (1:18 into the prog). No wonder nobody heard it. Which gave Gideon Coe licence to play ‘Alehouse Futsal’ at about 10:54 (1:54) on Thursday the 3rd.
4 May 2018
bananayogi
Not a spoiler, but I grabbed a copy of ‘Creative Hub’ (Is that what we are calling it for brevity?) at Leamington, gave it to my wife to give to me for my birthday and that august day has now arrived. So I have unwrapped, and listened. I think everyone will be delighted with it – plenty of stonkers, no stinkers and some I think will end up being favourites.
Now where is that play button again…
4 May 2018
Transit Full Of Keith
Glad to hear that BY. Of the three songs I’ve so far heard, ‘Harsh Times In Umberstone Covert’ is an instant favourite – I’d put in my top five Biscuit songs straight away. So with appetite whetted, nice to think I might be unwrapping the cellophane on some even better tunes in a couple of weeks time …
4 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
And once more in the right thread,
I’ve just popped back to try calling it ‘Nobody Cares’ a couple of times. Seems much more in the spirit of things than to actually abbreviate it to the despised ‘Creative Hub’.
Yep, I think I prefer ‘Nobody Cares’ to ‘Hedge’ at the moment.
Email on the way this afternoon at last Keith.
4 May 2018
Wilfred pickles
“Swerving the Checkatrade“ was played by Steve Lamacq this evening.
4 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Playing my bootleg cassette of the new album to the Ebbsfleet crew on the 472 bus to the match.Just gone past the Argos and the 24-hour garage,which of course they were delighted to have pointed out to them.
£14 on Ebbsfleet to qualify(at 5/2 ) covers today’s travel, match ticket and beers.
5 May 2018
Hendrix-tattoo
“Charles Exford”
“Charles Exford”
“To the Probe Plus cash office please”
5 May 2018
Terrence Oblong
Is it 18th May or 16th May, both dates listed on the Probe Plus website?
5 May 2018
dAWLISHIAN
Just noticed it’s Alehouse “Futsai” on the Beeb:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/music/artists/10eb06ab-0695-4057-97a5-bea9eeb6fb6d
6 May 2018
Bobby svarc
Massive game today, Exxo.
oh St Pauli, oh St Pauliiiiiiiii
6 May 2018
Bad loser
Finally available for pre-order on the site. £9.55 including delivery (which will be more than the petrol costs for Geoff to pop it through my door).
7 May 2018
costesseytiger
Phew.. that was close, checked PP shop and 3 copies left. Ordered and happy.
7 May 2018
Brumbiscuit
‘No stock’ when I tried just. And a load of ‘illegal strings’ messages…
7 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
The lovely PHP error codes decorating the website are quite endearing, although they don’t exactly fill you with confidence that the site is going to actually process the orders correctly, do they? They seem to be unimportant though.
Anyway, as Mick has suggested in the past, keep checking back because Geoff will put a new batch on the site every time they’ve got up to date with addressing the previous lot of Jiffy bags. Sometimes I feel a bunch of us should offer to go round mob-handed and help out.
Despite all this, ordering direct will probably get you the CD quicker than anywhere else (it did last time), as well as making you feel good.
If you haven’t had any joy by (say) 16th May, you can always pop on the website of some next-day delivery multinational then, and still get it on release day.
7 May 2018
Nigel,no not that one (nx3to)
Judf ordered from Probe for £9.99 including p&p, despite multiple html errors on website!
I cannot wait.
7 May 2018
Bobby svarc
20 in stock now and then it will work it’s way to the bottom then it will replenish stocks. All you newbies and can’t believers this is how Probe works, finely tuned with years of experience, be part of it peoples, this may be the last.
7 May 2018
Featureless tv producer steve
Successfully ordered! Down to 9 in stock.
8 May 2018
JUST MARK
What’s with this checkout malarkey? You have to register an account but the website is not secure? I’m sure last time I ordered from PP it was much simpler.
8 May 2018
SL Obispo
Can anyone confirm if the special/limited edition box set of the album comes with one of these…?
8 May 2018
Stevie Steels
Much Wenlock
8 May 2018
dr desperate
Can’t confirm one way or the other; all I can say is that felt Nigel was made by my sister.
8 May 2018
Jodrell banksy
A vinyl version will be available a bit later I reckon?
8 May 2018
Bobby svarc
Vinyl will be available soon.
8 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
John – is your sister called Jean Greenhowe?
8 May 2018
Bobby svarc
@DD: Great dolls, very skillful.
8 May 2018
Transit Full Of Keith
Managed to order mine at last (the album, not the doll). At least I think so, it’s possible I might be getting a jiffy bag of “illegal string”.
8 May 2018
Transit Full Of Keith
The price without P&P briefly showed on screen as a very reasonable £7.6300000002. I was also impressed with the new Probe registration process where you have to demonstrate a knowledge of basic arithmetic in order to qualify – this is a fair system, I think, ensuring the album doesn’t get into the wrong hands.
8 May 2018
Paul f
I’ve had both an email order confirmation and an email saying something went wrong. But the money’s gone so I’ll give Geoff the benefit of the doubt for now. The idiosyncrasies of ordering from Probe are always entertaining. When I ordered Godcore, it got sent out twice. When I let Geoff know, his response was to tell me not to worry and to use the extra copy to “spread the word”.
8 May 2018
Dave Clark
For no particular reason, in anticipation of the album I set myself the challenge of writing 13 short stories to the titles of the album tracks – the results can be viewed here: https://www.abctales.com/collection/no-one-cares-about-your-creative-hub
(See also here for a previous challenge! – CtSO)
8 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
In response to 5 different songs getting an airing on 6Music already, Mr. B told me at the weekend he didn’t realise there were that many on it that weren’t sweary.
On another point I have had several enquiries about my ‘bootleg cassettes,’ some of which appear to believe they actually exist. It was a metaphor, OK? A humorous metaphor, passing a sideways comment on the parlous, leaky state of our contemporary recorded music industry and comparing it with that of 1986, when my mate really did sell bootleg cassettes of gigs (incl HMHB) on the markets.
If on the other hand, anyone really wants one at say £3.99, complete with a typed out track listing on coloured paper …
8 May 2018
dr desperate
On the subject of the dolls, I prefer the designation “inaction figures”, and they are made by my sister Frances Burscough (I suggested the domain name MakeYrPresentsFelt). She’ll make anyone you request – at home we’ve got Dolly Parton, John Cooper Clarke and Ken Dodd.
8 May 2018
Sera69
-4 in stock. Hopefully will be able to order soon along with Mini EP “Illegal string offset class”
8 May 2018
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
I reckon Probe have got whoever did the TSB’s recent ‘upgrade’ in to set up the webpage. Either that or “Illegal String offset” is the name of the hidden track that appears at 72 minutes on the CD. Having ordered direct in the past, I’m sure that if I place an order I will get it, but it doesn’t inspire much confidence in the first-time purchaser
8 May 2018
Jeff dreadnought
Attempted to place an order (having successfully negotiated the mental arithmetic test) but only succeeded in finding the lyrics to what appears to be a track called “Uncaught Error” by crustgrind fusion favourites Fatal Error.
Wondering if it might not be easier just to try to win one in a raffle at the Kentish Town Forum gig. After all, it’s not as if the official release date is the last day on which my existence can be continued without the possession of the full complement of songs, sweary ones and all.
8 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
I built the Probe website but the online store was the work of Russ The Webmaster, I can’t do anything as I can’t get into Geoff’s admin.
8 May 2018
Kendo nagasaki
Any idea on what sort of time into the Steve lamacq show he played swerving the checkatrade
8 May 2018
JUST MARK
Minus 4 in stock now – Do I get paid for buying all of them?
8 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Kendo – I assume you’ve found it, but anyway it was 1hr 14mins into the programme on Friday, after which at 1:16 Lammo promised to play more next week (he’s on hols now) and became the first DJ to say that “No one cares about your creative hub so get your flippin’ hedge cut is almost the title.”
9 May 2018
Bobby svarc
Vinyl in stock at pp
10 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
They do test our patience, don’t they? This is the vinyl, I guess, although they’ve omitted to say so (I’m going from the fact that you get a CD version of the album too). Don’t worry though, your illegal string is still included.
I wish I’d arranged with Geoff to sell them via here. Next time, maybe.
10 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Last night Gideon Coe responded to a HTFC fan’s request for ‘Mathematically Safe’ by playing ‘Umberstone’ again and (yay!) plugging the Probe Plus pre-order page, without mentioning its deficiencies.
Can’t he find another non-sweary one though? I’d have defo played Mod Diff V Diff Hard Severe by now. If there’s any swearing on that one it’s either in Welsh or I can’t make it out. Or both.
10 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
It does actually say LP and it includes a CD version too! £16.95 is a bargain, I might even buy one.
10 May 2018
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
Blimey, I need a lie-down after finally navigating the Probe Plus store and (I think) successfully ordering a copy.
10 May 2018
Transit Full Of Keith
Damn, I’d have probably gone for the two-for-one LP/CD (liking both a bit of surface noise and a bit of Biscuit on a car journey) … but I ordered the CD on Monday. At least I think I did.
10 May 2018
Mark
No fucking stock
10 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
Looks like the webstore needs a php update, hoping to get into the admin to try and sort it
10 May 2018
Jeff Dreadnought
I hope the actual album turns out to be as baffling, surreal and entertaining as the album launch.
No one cares about the official release date so get your flipping illegal strings offset.
10 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
As Geoff once said “It’s not a fuckin’ boat”
10 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
If it was a boat, it would have illegal ropes.
10 May 2018
IdrisdaChisEller
After 20 minutes on the site, it’s possible I might have ordered one or more LPs.
10 May 2018
jodrell banksy
LP, and long-coveted motorway-sign shirt ordered! I am reasonably sure..
10 May 2018
Phyllis Triggs
Looks like I’ve just managed to place an order for the cd. I feel a genuine sense of achievement and am going to reward myself with a whisky.
10 May 2018
Jeff Dreadnought
May the Lord have mercy on Illegal Stringy Bob…
Placed the order, made the payment, got confirmation of the payment, got e-mail thanking me for order.. only to have my hopes dashed by another e-mail saying “oh dear, your order has failed”.
Anyone else had this?
11 May 2018
Cream cheese and chives
I am hopeful, though not convinced, that I have just managed to order the cd. Either way there were -7 in stock when I went on the site and -9 when I left it. I have received 3 emails, one in duplicate and something that looks like a receipt. It’s a bit early for a celebration whisky but a cup of tea and slice of toast could do the job. I will turn the kitchen light off appropriately.
11 May 2018
Brumbiscuit
Fuck it! I’ll wait till London…
11 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
Working OK now
11 May 2018
Spiltdown Man
People trying to discuss a shoddy website in a web-based forum where there are no reply or quote functions.
Irony, irony, they’ve all got it irony.
(All could be available, but we know what we like – CtSO)
11 May 2018
Sera69
Strings tidied up, mastiffs restrained, order placed
11 May 2018
Alice van der meer
I can’t even see the album now – though the rest of the site seems to have legallised all its strings, which is a plus.
11 May 2018
prOfessorrev
Has this vanished off the Probe Plus website for anyone else?
12 May 2018
Stuart
Prof., it’s vanished for me too. If the promised release date still applies, it will probably reappear this coming week.
The irony of how bad the website is – when one considers that it’s HMHB we’re talking about – is never lost on me. It never changes, never gets better. If it were anyone else, I would be sufficiently annoyed to boycott the site and its product(s). As it is, this is HMHB. I just smile wryly and return to check a day or two later. I doubt if anything will change until they stick me in a box. I can feel that I’m grinning (still wryly) as I type this.
12 May 2018
Bobby svarc
Apart from this fine website/forum there are 3 other HMHB related sites
http://www.cobweb.businesscollaborator.com/hmhb/index.htm (Totally HMHB)
http://www.new.probeplus-store.co.uk (Geoff’s selling site)
http://www.probe-plus.co.uk (The complete Probe Plus history site)
12 May 2018
Nigel
Well, on the basis that the band make more money, I ordered from pp on Friday. Hopefully it’ll arrive without the aggravation I had last time I used the site. Took about a month after release as my order had been lost.
13 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
We soldier on here with promoting the Probe Plus store on the basis that it presumably makes more money for the band, but we never know. Every time there’s an album due, I ask Geoff well in advance how they want us to promote it, and where they want us to direct the (many) people who ask, but I’ve never yet had a concrete answer. The will and ability from fans to generate more sales, and from the ‘right’ places, is there (I even made sure we were top on Google for ‘new Half Man Half Biscuit album‘, which isn’t easy) but I’m as convinced as ever that the band just aren’t interested in money, despite Nigel’s claims that “I would honestly be delighted to sell truckloads of records and make enough money to buy a kitchen for the house.” Hey ho.
If you want to buy the album somewhere else without lining the pockets of Amazon or Apple, people say nice things about Proper Music (£10.49 inc delivery), Norman Records (£10.99 inc delivery) and Piccadilly Records (£11.49 inc delivery).
13 May 2018
Transit full of keith
It’s laudable to look past Amazon (tax / working conditions in their warehouses being good reasons) and I’m sure those are good suppliers, but I’d still buy Biscuits from PP. I’ve had the odd mixup in the post from them, but it’s always been sorted by email very speedily (generally by Geoff himself). And on one occasion I was left with a spare copy of Stony Ground to give to a Biscuit-curious mate.
13 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
It’ll be alright on the night.
13 May 2018
Alice van der meer
I hang on for the PP store because the first time I ever bought from them I had a personal message biro’d on the back of the envelope.
I think Proper Music do the CD tent at Cropredy, they seem OK. They’re not Jeff Bezos, anyway.
14 May 2018
GORDON BURNS
I got a note from Geoff when I bought a CD back in the 90s by mail order (to America). I really wish I’d kept it now. Something about how cool it was that an American followed “The Biscuits”.
14 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
The pages are back on the Probe Plus site, although no stock at the time of writing. Use the links at the top of this page, as the album doesn’t appear in the list of Half Man Half Biscuit products.
15 May 2018
Jeff Dreadnought
I didn’t mean to give the impression with the tongue-in-cheek “launch” comment above that I was criticising the PP webstore in any way. It may take a bit longer ordering the album from there than from another website, but when you’ve waited four years for a new album, a few days here or there don’t make that much of a difference, and surely its better to persevere than to take your custom elsewhere. As others have said – and as I’ve found once again on this occasion – it usually just takes an e-mail to sort out any problems.
15 May 2018
Transit Full Of Keith
Probe Plus reigniting the “Nobody cares …” vs “no one cares” debate there I see. (Small children were trampled in the exodus …)
15 May 2018
Jeff Dreadnought
CtSO, further to Dr Desperate’s comment over on the Kiss Cream Carnival thread, are you going to put the question of how to refer to the album in shorthand to a formal vote? The candidates seem to be:
No-one cares – seems like the obvious choice, being the first two words of the actual title
Nobody cares – not quite such an obvious choice as it’s not actually in the title, but it is from what has to be one of the best lines in history (let alone the album although admittedly I’ve only heard three of the songs so far) and (to my ears) trips off the tongue better
Creative Hub – an ironic title but the risk is that it won’t be taken ironically – which in itself would be ironic, in an Alanis Morisette kind of way
Fuckin’ Hedge – momentum building behind this one, but too sweary for use on 6 Music
Flippin’ Hedge – as heard on the radio but a bit lame
Redacted Hedge – as above
Hedge – just can’t see it catching on
NOCAYCHSGYFHC – or should that be NCAYCHSGYFHC? It’s raining alphabet soup, and I’ve got a fork.
16 May 2018
Polo-necked Jean
I’d propose that Get Your Hedge Cut, GYHC, would be a reasonable shorthand title. *Spoiler alert * The lyric itself is present on the album.
16 May 2018
Transit full of keith
“Nobody Cares…” isn’t in the title, except at the Probe Plus shop, where it is. I vote for calling it ‘the new album’.
16 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
OK, poll at the top of the page. Go!
(Voting closes on Friday night at 23:59)
16 May 2018
IdrisdaChisEller
How about we honour another guitar pop genius who cut his teeth in the 80s with David Lewis Hedge?
16 May 2018
DIrk hofman
.. ‘kin ‘edge .. ?
16 May 2018
CHris from future doom
I would appear to have somewhat unwittingly kindled the underbrush when all I wanted to do was make a passing comment on a lyric observation to 4AD3DCD (see relevant thread). Ho hum.
Now that I’ve thought about it, I quite like the sound of ‘The Hedge Album’. CtSO?
(Sounds like The Yes Album to me. – Prog Ed)
16 May 2018
dr desperate
http://pastorjerome.org/product/the-hedge-pastor-jerome-3-cd-pack/
17 May 2018
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
Q – is a vote for “No-one cares” a positive support for that short title option, or a expression of indifference as to the outcome of the poll?
17 May 2018
dr desperate
Q2 – is “Fuckin’ Hedge” an instruction to vote more than once?
17 May 2018
EXXO
Yesterday I not only taught my students how to hedge but also borrowed my neighbour’s hedge trimmer, managing to cut through the power cable within ten minutes. Those who can’t, teach. New one ordered on next day delivery. I’ll just repair the severed cable and keep that one for meself. When I explained today, he still offered to lend me his lawnmower, but this seemed to be on condition that had to hear his views on Britshit, again. No need, new one of those also arriving tomorrow, I said.
Which surely brings us round to … you’re going to regret the lack of detail of the deal you’re looking for in this poll. Who is “we” and where is this abbreviation going to be used anyway? And first past the post inevitably results in minority rule. Where’s STV when you need it? (“We” is me, here. You may of course call it what you wish – CtSO)
It’s kind of fitting that the poll was brought about by someone who appears to be as good a listener as David Cameron. Observation? Vanguard!!? In terms of the graph of clarity of Blackwell diction on one axis, and crisp, clear production on the other, that song is as near top right as HMHB have ever got.
17 May 2018
Brumbiscuit
Norwegian National Day & only one day until a shiny CD lands on me platter…
Norska pigar polar best!
17 May 2018
Schoon
Thankfully, I got UFO a month late from Probe and so had less time to wait between albums. Assuming that is that I can order Hedge (option not in poll) soon, since it is still OOS.
17 May 2018
Jeff dreadnought
Achtung ‘edge.
17 May 2018
Polo-necked Jean greenhowe
Lammo playing Man of Constant Sorrow as I type
17 May 2018
EXXO
The Edge said we could maybe buy one.
17 May 2018
Ian ‘sludge’ lees
Stevel ‘Lammo’ (?) Lamacq played a track not half an hour ago from the new album. The one called like Man Of Constant Sorrow (With a Garage in Constant Use). It was alright.
17 May 2018
Transit full of keith
Tales from Topiary Graphic Oceans.
Sorry.
17 May 2018
Mrs outinroundone
Was there a defined order in which to discuss songs on the previous release? I seem to recall there was. How will this be determined for the latest one, surely not by poll ?
17 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
I think I’ll add a song every 2–3 days, based on the ones I’ve had most lyrics submissions for, if that’s OK with everyone.
17 May 2018
Miramar
Full album available on Apple Music. Having a first listen now.
17 May 2018
Alice van der meer
OMG, I think I have ordered it… wish me luck!
17 May 2018
Bobby svarc
Oooooo Blaby
17 May 2018
FLINTLOCK
It’s on Spotify now too.
18 May 2018
Mattblack
Download has magically appeared, first listen underway. So far so good, Perth and Kinross doesn’t often feature in lyrics. Happy man. Now to see when the CD arrives….
18 May 2018
ds
Wholly unexpected name check award goes to:
Ex Boro and Barcodes clogger, big Stuart Boam
“It’s the new Vatican Broadside Award!” goes to:
Renfield’s Afoot
18 May 2018
Delphmatt
Place check: Perth and Kinross. Fantastic, download here that’s my day sorted, wonder when CD will catch up ?
18 May 2018
The Ghost of kirkus
Renfield’s Afoot today caused tea to come out of my nose, making a terrible mess of my keyboard… enjoyed the repurposing of the Problem Chimp bassline too.
I’m off to purchase a pumpkin Paramo – just the thing when falling asleep in the boulders strewn between Glyder Fach and Glyder Fawr.
18 May 2018
CHris from future doom
@Exxo Thanks for being the only one to comment on my post, but David Cameron?! We all have bad hedge days, but that was below the belt.
Speaking of hedges, how’s this for a gem: comment no. 7 from the “Are you knackered man?” thread from 26 August 2010, courtesy of Shirley Dimensions, in response to the comment that the Jan Akkerman line is the ultimate non-sequitur:
“… [NB] trims his hedge with non-sequiturs. Now, where did I put that coat?”
Altogether now: ‘Shirley take a, Shirley take a bow…’
18 May 2018
gipton teenager
A jobbing gardener writes…
Of course not nobody nor no-one should be cutting hedges at the moment as it is nesting season and the birds could do without the aggravation.
18 May 2018
Schoon
No stock.
18 May 2018
Schoon
Ok 30 seconds wait is my limit. Amazon it is then.
18 May 2018
MISTER TUBBS
Very impressed by the Probe Plus delivery service – new cd delivered before 9.30 to darkest Essex. Hope the delivery chap has a safe bike ride back up north
18 May 2018
Schoon
On evil Amazon, it is currently #1 best seller in Alternative Rock.
18 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Currently Number 3 in the Indie and Alternative chart there. Even if you’re not buying it from Amazon, don’t forget to pop over and leave the album a rating or even a review.
18 May 2018
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
The vagaries of the modern postal service means that my copy has travelled the 3/4 of a mile from the Probe Plus distribution centre to my house via Warrington, but it has safely arrived. Anyone attempted the crossword yet?
18 May 2018
Paul F
I take it all back – correct CD arrived on the release date, special delivery. Cheers Geoff.
18 May 2018
Paul F
On going to the Guardian Album Reviews in the slim hope that they are bothering to review this one, I found that today’s album review is instead Steve Malkmus!
18 May 2018
Jeff Dreadnought
New HMHB LP delivered this morning courtesy of the wonderful PP webstore.
God bless her and all who sail in her.
18 May 2018
EXXO
@Teenager Tony: I did check. Anyway I’m not talking about your classic privet There’s trees that need to come down as well, but I’ve left them for precisely that reason. Definitely tits in one or both trees, goldfinches too in one.
One of these fine days I’ll give you a bell about buying you an early evening pint in the Chemic and then try to to tempt you back to mine with the promise of further libations (not in the shed don’t worry), with the ulterior motive of some advice on my back garden issues …
18 May 2018
EXXO
No, I can’t believe that I didn’t say anything alluding to the line “Ground Control to Monty Don” in that last comment either.
18 May 2018
Nigel, no not that one (nx3to)
Message from home tells me: ‘the cd has landed.”
The afternoon cannot pass quickly enough.
18 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
ProbePlus, “Music to drive you to drink……….”
18 May 2018
mEL wOOD
Yep Gok Wan Acolyte. In work so can’t play the album yet, but started on the crossword straight away.
Scribbling on a photocopy can be more easily concealed
10 answers so far and I suspect many will be impossible to me but I’m chuckling away at most of the clues already…
18 May 2018
Jeremy Smith
Not a review but it certainly sounds a bit rockier than before. All good but haven’t managed to get into the lyrics yet.
18 May 2018
Telly savalas
As an Ipswich Town fan, I cracked a huge grin at the final lyrics of the last track.
18 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
Anyone near with the places quiz?
18 May 2018
professorrev
The highlight for me on one listen is “I once had occasion to stand on his bin”, which for reasons I can’t quite pinpoint sent me into Lisa Riley/crock of shit/Cresta esque spasms.
Oh and the LHC joke
18 May 2018
Mark4696
CD ordered, but downloaded from Deezer this morning and listened through my phone speaker while driving in to work. Laughed out loud a number of times during Every Time a Bell Rings. Highlight so far is the mention of Sheldrakes in The Announcement. We used to go there regularly when it was a bit shabby but it’s now gone up market and is full of John McNamara types. http://sheldrakesrestaurant.co.uk/
18 May 2018
Transit Full Of Keith
Text from home suggests a jiffy bag from Liverpool has arrived. Cheers Geoff … Roll on 5.30, can’t wait to get stuck into that illegal string
18 May 2018
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
@Mel Wood (post 451) – am guessing “22 across” should read “22 down”. Have to admit I am struggling too, 7 so far
18 May 2018
EXXO
Keith – made up for you! I was (sonically) ascending Cloggy when you received the order from home. Sent you a version of the lyrics with 2 or 3 slight question marks.
18 May 2018
Mel Wood
@Gok Wan Acolyte Ahh righto, that might help re 24 across/down, cheers.
I haven’t done a crossword in about 25 years but this has hooked me!
12 answers I’m pretty sure of now, plus half a dozen maybes. Will tip my hat big time to anyone who cracks it all.
Damn you Tommy McArdle!
18 May 2018
Stuart
The CD has just landed in Sweden. What extraordinary service!
It will be a good weekend…..
18 May 2018
dr desperate
I’ve been doing crosswords for 50 years and have never before seen one with the Down clues on the left. It’s disorientating me so much that I’m going to have to do a bit of cutting and pasting before I can attempt it.
18 May 2018
eXXO
@Steve. In fact I mis-read your post – didn’t see that you’d changed young Nell’s name to Neil – nice one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqdGAsJ2kpQ
18 May 2018
Mavis enderby
First few tracks sound as if they were recorded separately, or a different producer. Nigel’s voice is further forward in the mix, more reverb and less compression. I was quite relieved when normal service was resumed.
18 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Interesting. Anyone else notice this?
18 May 2018
Hoptaster
@466 Agree Mavis, did sound a bit odd, perhaps it was Eno’s suggestion. Good to have some fresh tunes mind. Roll on The Forum and some liveners in the So’ton Arms.. Oh what a night..etc.
18 May 2018
Maf
I’m happier than a pig in shit….The Announcement and Harsh Times stand out tracks thus far but only on my second listen..
18 May 2018
Iguana aNdy
What a triumph! Over the moon with ‘Creative Hub’ can’t choose a favourite track yet as they’re all excellent. Several listens in already. Have we reached a consensus on what its abbreviated name should be yet btw?
18 May 2018
Webbie Webbster
I voted for Hedge Cut because as the title says no-one cares about your fuckin’ Creative Hub !
18 May 2018
Maf
I can’t post
18 May 2018
HALEX 3-STAR
I was relieved at the production on the new record. Whilst being a fan of UFO, I thought the vocals weren’t high enough in the mix…for example, the lyric to ‘teenage bride’ is incredible, but on my car system they were drowned out a bit by the guitars, which is a shame because HMHB are so much about the lyrics. I was pleased to see that the ‘issue’ isn’t carried over into ‘fence cut’ territory. Still have to digest the new album properly, but first listen it is excellent. Of course it’s HMHB-by-numbers to an extent but all the better for it.
I notice that it didn’t make it onto any of the iTunes ‘new music’ lists (either overall or for Alternative) which is probably a blessing and a curse.
18 May 2018
IdrisdaChisEller
Splendid.
Renfield’s Afoot an early highlight.
18 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
Really looking forward to the new album.
18 May 2018
JUST MARK
Has anyone perfected the removal of the cellophane wrapper from a CD without resorting to a sharp knife? Don’t have this problem with a pack of ciggies. HMHB and James releases on the same date and Cup Final weekend.
18 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
Hairdryer
18 May 2018
parsfan
Crook of Devon – 6KM from Kinross, on the road to Crieff.
18 May 2018
Delphmatt
A day spent listening to utter brilliance. Renfield’s, Announcement and Every Time a Bell Rings current standouts. Going on a bat walk in the Highlands tomorrow via Crieff, Perth and Kinross just to doff my cap. It won’t be an organised bat walk….bought my campervan in Roydon though.
18 May 2018
Flintlock
What a time to be alive – wild swings between not being able to concentrate on the new album because of Motherwell in the cup final tomorrow, and forgetting to be nervous about the cup final because of listening to the new album again. It’ll be the soundtrack of my journey to Hampden anyway.
By the way, chapeau to Parsfan: surely you’ve won the Scottish Placenames Cup (the one that really matters)?
18 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Well in Paul, might be a podium finish … but yer Colwyn Bay fella looks to be in the lead (obviously my Royden Park and ‘central Wirral hospitals’ [one of which is 1 km from Umberstone Covert] have both been disallowed for different reasons, and obviously everything Bobby Svarc says has to be discounted as he’s clearly been listening to the album since approximately an hour after it was recorded).
Special mention to Steve, 10,000 miles away but just 15 miles out in 2 different directions with his Dwy, his Dwyg, that place that he said.
18 May 2018
JOHN ANDERSON
Another absolute gem on the strength of a couple of listens so far. Spent the afternoon desperately trying to scribble down the lyrics. I’ve done the first four tracks without too many blanks, although there’s a line in Knobheads On Quiz Shows which is causing me to stamp my foot down on the angst switch. As an abbreviated form of the album title, how about Hubfuck?
18 May 2018
EXXO
OOH NOT BAD!
But I fear that just very the existence of the word ‘Hubfuck’ would inevitably create a whole new genre of porn that would dwarf our internet presence.
Best swerve that one I reckon.
You doing the World Cup then, John?
18 May 2018
Nick Walters
After one listen, as always, too much to take in, but sitting here with big smile on face.
It seems to be a very upbeat album except for Terminus which is well bleak.
All of our songs sound the same syndrome in full effect. This is not a criticism.
Anyone attempted the crossword?
18 May 2018
Nick Walters
As for an abbreviated title, I’m using
Hedge
Simple.
18 May 2018
Featureless tv producer steve
While in danger of misuse, “Hubfuck” is brilliant. Start the poll over!
@Exxo, I swear I thought it said Neil. Perhaps I should allow my ageing eyes a few moments after waking before reaching for my phone and making pronouncements on what they’re telling me.
18 May 2018
Trapped in texas (help!)
On the day of the album release I note the following article “Case against Lord Kilclooney for failing to cut hedges withdrawn”.
https://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/northern-ireland/case-against-lord-kilclooney-for-failing-to-cut-hedges-withdrawn-36921343.html
Coincidence? I think not – more like the establishment circling the wagons yet again.
18 May 2018
Iguana andy
Hubfuck is genius and certainly gets my vote. (Gayle and Sonia don’t know what they’re missing)…. and, let’s hope they never will ?
18 May 2018
One eyed clergyman
Just up for the day (so I realise my vote may not count) but Hubfuck, (bejesus) gets a my backing…
18 May 2018
One Eyed vicar
I’m only up for the day admittedly but Hedfuck gets my vote too
18 May 2018
KILLIEGradge
Good luck to Flintlock in the cup final tomorrow.And as a Killie fan I am well aware that the greatest surface is “springy turf”.
18 May 2018
Littlegrafter
I checked out your CD like you asked me to do,
On the sleeve it says Checkatrade,
On the CD text it says Checktrade,
It’s a good job that I checked!
18 May 2018
Transit full of keith
It’s a hubfuckin’ glorious album, ‘Harsh Times’ and ‘Mod Diff V Diff’ my immediate favourites, so far.
“Breeds of dog, famous dates, kind of hoping these things don’t arise” was the first line of several to have me cackling like a madman.
Inevitably everyone will be talking about lyrics, but get a load of those basslines eh.
18 May 2018
Bobby svarc
Well it’s finally arrived and what a great album, the best since Bono imho. I won’t be posting for a while, have fun with the lyrics and don’t do them too quickly, cherish the moment. I’ll see thee.
18 May 2018
Muzzle
Loving it.
Has Delamere featured before?
Truth and Beauty – Keats and Emily Dickinson sneaking in.
Man U and Chelsea play tomorrow in the, I think, Checkatrade Trophy Final.
Strava get the HMHB disapproval, get your hedge cut.
About to listen again.
18 May 2018
Flintlock
Nice one Killiegradge!
19 May 2018
Schoon
@Just Mark. James’ album out August 3rd “which also features keyboard from long-time collaborator Brian Eno.”
19 May 2018
parsfan
Good luck today Flint.
I was at a wedding in Surrey during the week, we had a Motherwell fan at our table. A Canadian mentioned going to see Cheap Trick recently and the Well fan said he didn’t really know them but had At Budokan for some reason. The Canadian then offered Frampton Comes Alive! as the best live album of all time. I asked, but no one knew the connection between the two.
19 May 2018
low drone of the treadmill
This article published on the day of release – I wonder if describing Eden Hazard as Chelsea’s ‘creative hub’ is a deliberate reference?
https://www.theguardian.com/football/blog/2018/may/18/mourinho-conte-manchester-united-chelsea-midfield-fa-cup-final
19 May 2018
Jeff dreadnought
The bass player’s played a blinder on this one.
19 May 2018
Phyllis Triggs
Yeah. Hedges and hubs aside, this one’s all about the bass.
19 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
And let us not forget that the bass player plays half the lead guitars on the album too. Which half remains to be seen. I won’t find out too many answers just yet, though am tempted to get confirmation of “ill”.
19 May 2018
transit full of keith
I wonder if that’s the case here though. There was a new sound to the guitar at Bilston which to my (admittedly cloth) ear sounds similar to what I’m hearing on the album a lot. So maybe Karl was in the studio. And if so, the album would have both Benson AND Hedges.
19 May 2018
EXXO
Ha, good one, very good, but no – from the horses’ mouths.
19 May 2018
Transit full of keith
Ah, OK.
Meanwhile I was well off course geographically with Caxton Gibbet, but I’m satisfied by the consolation prize of the gibbeting in Knobheads in Quiz Shows.
19 May 2018
EXXO
Paul! (Parsfan)
I owe you a big apology, and a pint here. Looks like you win!! In my mind the 1 mile from Kinmel Bay to Rhyl had become the much longer distance to Colwyn Bay, as guessed by ‘Bad Loser’.
Like I say, the ten yards from Bobby Svarc’s guess of Whetstone to Blaby has been ruled dodgissimo by the dodgy listenings committee.
19 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
Sickening actions from the un-elected grand old sage of the board. Shit parcels already sent.
19 May 2018
ste
Shocked to hear Crieff, Perth and Kinross name checked in Man Of Constant Sorrow. That’s where I’m from and am curious how/why it’s caught Nigel’s attention
19 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Well, don’t get too excited, but there’ll be a page in the A to Z for it in due course too.
19 May 2018
parsfan
Ta Chas, but I’m not so sure.
It’s clearly Perth and Kinross the local government administrative district, rather than the individual towns. How far away can somewhere be from somewhere it’s within?
I’ll take it though.
19 May 2018
EXXO
@Ste
It’s all done by algorithms. The Probe Plus data miners just find out where they need to improve sales, and Nigel is given certain geographical parameters. They seem determined to continue to target remote farming communities but there you go.
@Bobby. I was gutted about Royden Park too mate, unlucky.
19 May 2018
Doozer
Already threatened with divorce if I sing ‘get your hedge cut, get your f*cking hedge cut’ one more time.
I’m calling that a solid away point.
19 May 2018
Nick Walters
A very ‘up’ album, save for two songs, Terminus and Emergency Locksmith. The implications of the title of the latter just hit me. Bleak.
Agree about the bass. Funky as hubfuck.
19 May 2018
GORDON BURNS
@atombowl
Consider my pants pissed and my sides split. Extra mark for the Strava comment too. Hee hee hee.
19 May 2018
GORDON BURNS
@NICK
I wasted quite a while Googling John MacNamara too. I gave up, since the potentials didn’t seem to fit. Assumed it must be an ex-footballist. Or an imaginary friend of Adam Boyle.
19 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Creative Hub release day saw the most visits to the website ever, but most interestingly, the largest group were Google searches: recently when we’ve got spikes, they’ve been through Twitter. So I thought I’d investigate what brought people to the site from Google. Unsurprisingly, searches on the album title (in full – must be auto-fill) were right up there, but it led me into the weird and wonderful world of Obscure Google Searches. Here then are a selection of my favourites. Remember, somebody actually typed these into Google for some reason (and then thought that the Google result for this site was worth clicking on!)…
mad pat millwall
mans got floss lyrics
primark refer a friend
cockney bastard
telly savalas index finger
chris akabusi awooga
geddy lee pronunciation
how do you spell biscuit
carol kirkwood cold as fuck
kill kill kill die die die
hebden bridge night life
who makes marmite crisps
here comes nigel with the brie
ombudsman etymology
kevin keegan bubble perm
bearing man oswestry
what does I mean on punchbowl rsvp
How much does that look like the potential track listing for the next album, by the way?
20 May 2018
Phyllis Triggs
Chris, that looks like the track listing for the HMHB album of my dreams. Wonderful!
20 May 2018
Cream cheese and chives
Just spent the weekend in the Lakes. One of the highlights was coming across a sign near Kentmere saying’ Bridleway Only’ . In very neat black print underneath were added the words ‘NO TRIAL BIKE TW**S’ (written without obligatory asterisks).
Home to the cd on the doorstep. What a treat. Repeated listens confirm it a work of greatness. I had never heard of STRAVA and then, in Sainsburys, I saw a man wearing a tshirt emblazoned with the said brand. I have just looked it up.
Mention of Stuart Boam always make me think of John Craggs (obviously a defender with a name like that) and led me to research Mr Boam’s post football career. He worked at Kodak for 12 years and then bought a newsagents. Them were the days.
20 May 2018
Harry Quinn
Someone must have taken a Strava KOM off Nigel….
20 May 2018
EXXO
Well that’s uncanny, and somewhat wonderful. Mrs. E. had Stuart Maconie on in the kitchen (don’t worry I did nearly all of the cooking … I let her do the gravy the way she likes) just now, and I rambled on about how on last Monday’s (ish) RedMac show, in response to yet another chain link where they refer to HMHB but don’t play any, Maconie had said “a couple of weeks ago I played a HMHB track where I couldn’t say the name of the album or the track.” I had then searched, and found no record of Maconie recently playing any HMHB. I told Maud this mystifying and inconsequential anecdote, and apologised fior its irrelevance to anything …but wait a minute, inconsequential did I say? TEN SECONDS later he played said track …KNOBHEADS! But at the end he did say the title and explained how he shared its sentiments. He mentioned Pointless, but did not mention that only last night he triumphed utterly on that show himself. Great stuff, well played that man!
Tonight’s show about 8.07 or 8.08 pm.
20 May 2018
Bobby ball
It’s all true
21 May 2018
WE’RE TALKING FAC 285
Just returned for the first time in a while with the intention of buying Hedgefuck, however the Probe Plus site appears to be down – as well having been out of stock a couple of days ago. It’s available on Amazon though, however I remember previous discussions on here about ‘best practice’ when it comes to buying HMHB albums. what was the conclusion? if purchased from Amazon do the band still get the same money etc?
21 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
I’m sure the most revenue for the band would come from people buying the CD from Probe Plus. But there’s only so many orders Probe Plus can cope with, so if the system’s not working, just buy it from anywhere – at the end of the day, the band will get something.
21 May 2018
Idristhechiseller
In spite of the positive rating I posted above, I was initially slightly underwhelmed by this one. It didn’t seem as varied as some of their most recent efforts and there weren’t as many immediate laugh-out-loud moments as previous offerings. Sticking the CD in the car, however, proved to be a revelation. I won’t pretend I don’t miss the C&W waltzes or thrash metal pastiches, but it is a bit of a gem. There was actually a lump in my throat listening to Terminus, something which hasn’t happened since I last heard My Sister by Tindersticks (q.v.) and I’m not sure I’ll be able to take my kids on the annual Styal Estate bat walk this year for fear of what my youngest might say.
Well done, lads.
21 May 2018
WObs
Got mine from Propermusic.com. Ordered on Friday, and was on our doormat when we got home from weekend away on Sunday.
No Amazon was necessary.
Have my “new HMHB album” grin.
21 May 2018
Dick Quax Running Shoes
I’ve created the Wikipedia article for the new record, so edit away: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No-One_Cares_About_Your_Creative_Hub_So_Get_Your_Fuckin%27_Hedge_Cut
21 May 2018
Paul f
Got to agree on that “Pointless”, errr, point. I rarely catch the programme but when I do I am constantly amazed at the lack of even basic general knowledge exhibited by many of the contestants.
21 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
Just been looking over the fence at Twitter and someone says that the last two albums were *relatively* so-so! each to their own but I thought 90B and UFO were very good
21 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
I suspect the writer didn’t persevere. I found both not that immediate, but ended up thinking they were amongst the very best. Creative Hub looks to be going the same way; my initial favourite songs have already been overtaken.
21 May 2018
professorrev
Same here. Didn’t get either at all first listen but stuck with them and definitely up near the top for me now. Part of it might have been that the production, particularly on UFO, seemed a lot murkier, so the lyrics were harder to pick out, and the references were denser. My concern if anything is that this one might be a bit too immediate. Hope it has the staying power.
21 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Realised that on Saturday morning I was varying degrees of over-excited, presumptuous and downright incorrect when I appeared to be judging various Biscuiteers’ success in the place-names thing. So here without (much) judgement, other than the cold hard distances, are some of the more successful entries.
HENDRIX TAT
Knutsford – just over 20k, but still probably the quickest train journey of any point nominated by the Projectistas to any point on the album.
TRANSIT FULL OF KEITH
Caxton Gibbet – about 8k from the edge of “The Fens”?
ATOMBOWL
Grunty Fen – definitely in “The Fens”
EXXO
Royden Park was mentioned in Nigel’s intro to the nascent ‘Renfield’ at the Lincoln gig. I might go for Royden Park… but then again I might not.
No comment needed.
WILFRED PICKLES
Royden Park was also mentioned in a version of “Bat Walk” that is doing the rounds on YouTube. I suppose it’s a fairly safe bet.
No comment needed.
PARSFAN
No danger, but Crook of Devon
Is in the district of Perth & Kinross, about 7k from the town of Kinross
THE BURLY PHYSIO (OF NON-LEAGUE FARNBOROUGH TOWN)
Must be mushroom meat substitute, Leicestershire village Quorn.
About 14k from Blaby
THE DYNAMIC ENTRANCE
Cader Idris.
About 20k to a fordable stretch of the Glaslyn.
BAD LOSER
North Wales is always a good bet. I’ll go for Colwyn Bay.
10k to Kinmel Bay
FEATURELESS TV PRODUCER STEVE
Dwygyfylchi.
About 24k from both Kinmel Bay and Llanberis
CTSO
NB10’s post-gig “clue” was far too vague, my football interpretation was a mere guess. So I won’t go for Ipswich. But I will go with football. Rodney Parade
OOOOOH! *Holds head in hands for a long, long, time* What can we say? He’s missed an open goal and then hit the bar, it’s bounced 90% over the line and then spun off the post and bounced back out off his own head.
CYGNUS
Portmeirion.
Well it’s just half a mile from the mouth of the Glaslyn estuary, but around 4-5-6k to any point where a spate would affect the fordability of that river. Probably needs a jury visit this one. Fordability cannot be judged by looking for fords on any map.
BOBBY SVARC
A wild punt on Whetstone in Leicester-shire
The parish of Whetstone borders that of Blaby, as well as being within the Blaby parliamentary district.
WARDEN HODGES
My stab at it is Moreton.
I must confess I’d forgotten just how close this is to Frankby and Royden Park, as the crow flies. It’s 2k to Frankby from Moreton cross, a little more to the park. But if we disallowed Royden Park in the other efforts, then surely we have to measure the 5.5k from Warden’s Moreton to Caldy instead…
…this one’s gone to the wire is all I know!
21 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
I had my chance to redeem myself on the people. And made another comedy miss. Ground Control to Alan Titchmarsh…
21 May 2018
Dr Desperate
Last time we played this game I waited until all the lyrics had been posted before getting out the charts and dividers. I intend to do the same this time, no matter how long the crowd sits chanting “You’re a bastard, VAR”.
21 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
The sad thing with my ‘wild punt’ is that Blaby & Whetstone Athletic FC folded not long after my post and their record for the 2017/18 season in the East Mids Counties League has been expunged. Whetstone Athletic were members of the Leicestershire Senior League, albeit they spent most of their years in Division Two, meeting them in cup ties was always a tough game, a few of our lads always came off at the end with a few bruises and hobbles. Whetstone was also the home of GEC, a massive site contained in a small village. Often used in a local joke when two old ladies were walking to the club, “What’s on tonight Mavis?”…..”Some Country and Western”…..”WHAT? come cnut from Whetstone”,
21 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
@DD: You can pee into Blaby from Whetstone even into a vicious headwind, charts and dividers not required!! I shall send the £5 prize to this worthy cause. I have PayPal
http://www.wirralglobe.co.uk/news/1969719.Fund_to_help_save_Wirral_s_bats/
21 May 2018
Ghost of kirkus
Not being a wikipedia editor, can I point out that the correct contractions for trad climbing grades make the song title Mod Diff V Diff Hard Severe. Which is catchier than the abbreviations, M D VD HS.
21 May 2018
FlIntlock
Re. 542: The place name in “Man Of Constant Sorrow…” is Crieff, with Perth & Kinross just being part of its address, and which is further away from Crook Of Devon than I thought.
Looks Parsfan still wins the Scottish Cup though (yes I know, unlike Motherwell).
21 May 2018
SIMON P
My best misheard lyric so far
“Breeds of duck, famous cakes”
That’ll teach me to download the album to my phone and listen to it via Bluetooth on a noisy road surface (i.e. the A5)
21 May 2018
Kendo nagasaki
Fantastic album again. Everytime a bell rings is epic. Can’t wait to see some of these live
22 May 2018
EXXO
Ha, an exceptionally financially damaging month, this one, so I’ve been waiting till payday (after Kiev) to order the CD and hadn’t seen the full back cover yet, till I saw a tweet from Keith just now. It’s a great compliment to the pictures painted in ‘Umberstone’ that Geraldine is just like I pictured her, even before I knew who Jean Greenhowe was!
22 May 2018
PAul f
Terminus is a wonderful song – funny and deep at the same time, with a great rocking tune. Reminds me a little in spirit of Old Age Killed My Teenage Bride, which is possibly my favourite song on UFO.
22 May 2018
EXXO
Paul – what’s the line about his shins on derby day? Stick it in the album thread on the rattle if reluctant to chance your arm on here !
22 May 2018
jeff dreadnought
@Paul F – agreed. My favourite on the album so far I think.
Forza Nerazzurri…
22 May 2018
Dr Desperate
@Exxo Quite so with Geraldine on the back cover – she’s actually Morag from JG’s MacScarecrow clan.
https://www.jeangreenhowe.com/macscarecrowtext.html
You can read more about them in ‘The MacScarecrow Clan: Stories from Glen Sunnybogle’ – buy now while stocks last!
https://www.jeangreenhowe.com/clan.html
22 May 2018
Dr Desperate
Incidentally, any suggestions as to the identity of the shadowy figure just visible in the darkness behind Morag, holding back the lace curtain (easier to see on the inside cover on the back of the crossword clues)?
22 May 2018
Spiltdown Man
Anyone know the band line up that played on NOCAYCHSGYFHC?
Did I dream that there has been a change since UFO?
I’m on about my 4th listen now and a familiar pattern is emerging. Initial thoughts of it being OK but not as strong as previous albums. Second listen you start picking out some choice riffs and lyrics you missed the first time round. Third play and you ‘get’ what some of the songs are about that you were unsure of. From then on it’s on loop and you’ve decided it’s well up to the usual standard.
14 albums now. I dare you to rank them in order. It’s almost impossible. There are no other bands with a back catalogue like that where you couldn’t pick out a single low point.
Imagine discovering them today as a total newcomer to the band! Dipping into their back catalogue would be like opening Tutankhamun’s tomb (without the curse).
22 May 2018
Dr Desperate
Yes, wonderful things!
(Howard Carter grew up in Swaffham, you know.)
22 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
@ Spiltdown. Blackwell, Crossley & Henry. Carl Benson has joined the line-up for live gigs.
But maybe I shouldn’t spread it around too much. It’s be a shame not to see a bloggy reviewer or two talking about how much “Ken’s/Carl’s guitar playing is the unsung genius of the album” (when they’re not even on it – Neil writes half the tunes and likes to play lead parts on ‘his’ songs).
22 May 2018
EXXO
Brilliant – thanks Jeff, got it now – that’s what I call a simile to bring a smile – a mate of mine in Italy will love that!
22 May 2018
paul F
Struggling with the shins line myself Exxo. (or “meself” if I was posting this on the Rattle).
22 May 2018
EXXO
Ha well I’ve got it meself like, so the shinnie is now on the other tibia – I’ll post on the rattle meslf now, la – need to check how me attempt to swerve Kiev is going AATS.
22 May 2018
RoyGBIV
‘Ground Control to Monty Don’.
The new album is worth it for that line alone 🙂
22 May 2018
Paul F
Is rice, lid.
Just been out to the car – Jeff’s hint eventually did the trick although it still took me 3 attempts to get it!
22 May 2018
transit full of keith
@Spiltdown, I was that newcomer in 2015, and you’re right. I’ve been discovering them album by album over the course of 3 years, a couple of gigs a year, and an unreasonable amount of time on this site, and Tutankhamun’s tomb does not cover it, more like stumbling on a new continent.
22 May 2018
transit full of keith
Who knows who the shadowy face is (Geraldine, or Constant Sorrow Man?) but the front and back cover and at least four of the songs suggest a scorched earth approach to neighbourly relations. Just don’t call it a concept album …
22 May 2018
EXXO
Ever since 2011 though, even as someone who’s spent a LOT of time in the Egyptian museum in Cairo, whenever I see/hear reconstructions of that “wondrous things” moment, I always think “you’d never been to Bunner’s, had you Howard?”
22 May 2018
EXXO
Wonderful, I meant, obvz
22 May 2018
Paul f
My “Wonderful Things” experience was at the somewhat less exotic Dorchester Tutankhamun Experience. Tastefully done to be fair.
22 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
Karl Benson innit?
22 May 2018
EXXO
Yep, soz.
22 May 2018
Dr Desperate
My favourite reconstruction of recent years was the scene between Rachael Stirling and Mackenzie Crook in ‘detectorists’:
Becky: “You’re my Howard Carter. You’re going to discover the Valley of the Kings.”
Andy: “What, in Essex?”
Becky: “Can you see anything?” (as he looks down her shirt)
Andy: “Wonderful things.”
22 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Boom! Straight into the midweek album charts at number 17. Take that, Abba.
Captured for posterity here.
IIRC, Urge For Offal was no.35 in its first midweek chart and no.39 in that week’s full chart, making it the first HMHB album to trouble the Top 40 since BITDHSS nearly thirty years before. Geoff Davies eventually described the sales of Urge For Offal as ‘remarkable’. So we shouldn’t underestimate this chart debut!
22 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
I’m sure I’m not dreaming the above chart placing for Urge For Offal, but now I’ve looked it up, the “Official Charts” website has HMHB’s complete chart record as follows:
Back in the DHSS: 9 weeks in the top 100, peak position 60
Back in the DHSS Again: 5 weeks in the top 100, peak position 59
90 Bisodol: 1 week in the top 100, peak position 85
Urge For Offal: 1 week in the top 100, peak position 68
I assume Creative Hub’s sales will be very front-loaded in the week, but there must be a chance that the weekly position could beat the record of 59 above. Of course, it won’t get the 9-week run of the first album. Still, for anyone thinking “these charts are hardly comparable; album sales in 2018 aren’t exactly what they used to be in 1986”, you might be surprised.
22 May 2018
John Anderson
Upon studying these steadily increasinging chart placings I can only conclude that the man who said he was vital has reappeared.
22 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
I did some homework after a question on Twitter, and it seems that streaming (Spotify, Apple Music, etc) contributes to album chart placings, at an equivalent rate of about 1 “sale” per 1000 streams of all tracks on the album. It’s a bit more complicated, as the most popular tracks on an album are heavily down-weighted to account for people just listening to the ‘singles’. Spotify pays the artist about $4 per 1000 streams, so that’s about right. Other services (except YouTube, which is just a scandal) actually pay more than Spotify, but they’re all considerably smaller (Spotify has about 50% of the market). So in very broad terms if you left the album streaming on Spotify for 48 hours you’d probably make the band as much as buying a CD. That makes sense: my family seems to get through about 2000 plays a month on Spotify, so the service would pay the artists $8 for that, but it charges me twice that for the privilege.
22 May 2018
paul f
Just look at the names below the lads in that chart!
As well as ABBA, you have Bowie, Pink Floyd, Bob Marley, Oasis, Kylie, Ed Sheeran and Steve Malkmus!
22 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Interestingly, almost zero reviews anywhere, even on the online music review sites, which fight to be the first. The Probe Plus Sales Prevention Machine has obviously been cranked up to the max. If anyone gets the chance to email or tweet to The Guardian or Sunday Times, or knows anyone who writes for them, a review there would be quite something. If you remember, The Guardian was quite embarrassed in 2014 when UfO was its readers’ album of the year, despite it not having been reviewed even in brief.
22 May 2018
paul F
Is James Walsh still at the Guardian? He’s a fan.
22 May 2018
EXXO
I thought ‘Spiltdown Man’ sounded like a reviewer checking up on the line-up!
22 May 2018
EXXO
That is excellent, by the way.
22 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
‘G DAVIES IS INNOCENT’
22 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
http://www.sublimephotography.co.uk/eastendphotos/milendpk/photos/big/gdavis.jpg
22 May 2018
Jim H
‘Harsh Times …’ and ‘Every time a Bell Rings’ on constant repeat, closely followed by ‘Man of Constant Sorrow’.
Has there been a finer gag in recent years than ” Hadron Collider / Who’s there? / Knock Knock’. ? They do say comedy’s all about timing …
22 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
Used to see this all over London back in the day along with M.KHAN IS BENT
22 May 2018
Paul f
So do we think the creative hubber says “orangutang” and “Klu Klux Klan”?
22 May 2018
Bengwy
I’m sure you’re right with “orang-utang”, but my take on the next line is that the offender favours “KKK”, which represents no saving in the number of syllables deployed.
22 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
Orangutan
22 May 2018
Rararabbits
The line before “we’ll eat Battenberg” in Umberstone Covert is eluding me. Greenhalgh, greenhouse, something pardon?
22 May 2018
EXXO
FAO Niall (can’t be arsed tweeting). Those four 6 Music DJs have done really well in the last 3-4 weeks, to play their 9 or 10 plays spread over 6 different tracks, without any promo copies 😉
That part of Geoff’s mighty selling machine seems to be the best oiled.
22 May 2018
Phyllis Triggs
A couple of times at gigs NB has complained about people saying “orangutang”. Has he ever mentioned “Klu Klux Klan” or “KKK”? I reckon either (or both) the wrong pronunciation and the faux abbreviation would be justifiable provocation for the line.
Courtesy of a National Trust leaflet mentioning Alderley Edge and The Cloud I’ve just realised that, in Terminus, what I thought was “Dog-tired at the top of Scope” (Scope presumably being a climb I’d never heard of) is actually “Dog-tired at the toposcope”. Thank you National Trust. Not planning any quiz show appearances. Ever.
22 May 2018
EXXO
And thank you, Lou, for that one. I’ve been daftly googling for any hills at anywhere called Scope/Stope/Snope, but of course you’ve nailed it there, and I feel silly. Having covered trig points way back, I’m actually surprised it’s taken Mr. B so long to get to toposcopes. There are some examples on Wirral’s hills – a little one at Bidston and a particularly fine one on Thurstaston hill spring to mind – Mr. B will have stood at that one countless times. Recently I’ve wished there were more, so I could know exactly which Clwydian peaks I’m looking at from the hillocks of Heswall, whereunto my old folks have recently migrated.
22 May 2018
Kendo nagasaki
Just found the first review of the album.
22 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Ta, but that one was already clocked, Kendo. All reviews are being collated on the album’s page, not that we’re expecting to be trampled in the rush.
23 May 2018
The harbinger of nothing
Make that two of the greatest albums of the year in the (albeit midweek) top 20, HedgeFuck being released on the same day as the sublime Wide Awake by Parquet Courts. I can’t recommend that highly enough.
@Spiltdown has pretty much described my experience. UFO was the first album I heard; I borrowed it from the library having heard Adam Boyle played on Gideon Coe a few times. It took a while to grow on me as I didn’t immediately “get” a lot of it. Once I did, I got CSI out from the same library, and very quickly got hold of all the rest, picking a few up from my first gig and the rest from either Probe or Amazon (for the ones that weren’t available). For over a year, they were probably over half of my music listening, if not two thirds. The experience of discovering 15 albums – including ACD and Stony Ground – almost simultaneously was just fantastic, and could never be repeated! (It did leave me wondering why I hadn’t paid more attention years before though, as I’d known JDOG and DPAK since my uni days. I guess I wasn’t ready.)
It’s been a different experience this time, with only one new album to “discover”, but once again, it took a few listens and then became addictive! It’s just as well there have been several other great albums out recently as it would have been a shame to overdo it.
23 May 2018
The harbinger of nothing
This is in the wrong place really but it sort of follows on… Does anyone know where I can get a good-quality version of the cover of No Regrets? Apart from the cassette-only live version of Nerys Hughes from Back Again in the DHSS (which I’d also like!), it’s the only officially-released HMHB song I don’t have. Vinyl’s no good to me as I can’t play it, although I have collected some over the years anyway.
I’ve heard the crap-quality version on YouTube, and I’m not that fussed about not having it, but it is a unique oddity (about which there is very little on this site, presumably as it contains no HMHB lyrics!)
23 May 2018
EXXO
Thanks Kendo – for someone who finds the title unwieldy, your reviewer doesn’t half wield it a lot – I think we have to assume he didn’t participate in the abbreviated titles poll last week. I’m glad I found out what ‘Bladderwrack Allowance’ is about, though! It’s quite possible that I’ve got the wrong track 4 entirely – mine seems to be mainly about dispiriting dissing from and towards audience members at local pub band gigs.
23 May 2018
spt
I’d taken Bladderwrack Allowance even more specifically as being inspired by the tetchy looks of appalled partners in the crowd at HMHB gigs. I contribute the odd thing to that site, but John called first dibs on the album within minutes of it being announced so good on him.
23 May 2018
Cream cheese and chives
Thanks for the toposcope reveal. Another one ticked off. It always puzzles me who decides how much detail goes onto these. The one at the top of Skiddaw has a tremendous view over a huge number of Lakeland fells and mentions none of them yet points vaguely towards things like The Isle of Man which, for most days of the year, are invisible.
23 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
The Official Charts website is describing the album as “a potential Top 40 entry” in this week’s chart when it’s released. Now wouldn’t that be a thing, after all these years?
23 May 2018
jeff dreadnought
Ah, toposcope. That’s me out in round one then.
23 May 2018
Bobby Svarc
Oh Dear, Biscuits in the top 40, we must stop it happening.
23 May 2018
Paul f
I got “toposcope” but embarrassingly I didn’t know that that’s what those things are called.
23 May 2018
S
#17 with a bullet (apparently Motley Crue don’t exist any more – mission accomplished?)
23 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
@Harbringer: I have No Regrets on CD 7″ and 12″ versions from Geoff, I’ll gladly burn one off for you and post it. Quality is good. Leave it with you.
23 May 2018
Sera69
What’s going on! Just went to review this on Amazon and got the error…
“Sorry, we are unable to accept your review of this product for either one or both of the following reasons: This product currently has limitations on submitting reviews. This may be because we detected unusual reviewing behaviour on this product, or to maintain the best possible shopping experience.”
… I smell a chart fix of ‘Vienna’ proportions to keep HMHB out of the top 40!
23 May 2018
Carlosfandangowidewheels
Is it just me or are the guitars way too loud on the mix?
23 May 2018
HGANAVAC
Harbinger of Nothing, if you are not fussed about pilfering from the internet, there is a handy little programme called Soul Seek that can serve your needs handsomely. Both versions freely available there, if you conscience allows for it.
23 May 2018
EXXO
@ Carlos – I hope it’s just you. And if only the guitars on knobheads had the same feel, which hopefully they will when wellied out live … can’t wait!
[if anyone’s wondering, I’m having to sit through two hours of someone’s teaching practice right now on the topic of the bloody royal family. Wouldn’t you be posting on here all the time if that was you?]
23 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
If anyone ever spots ‘nods’ or other references, do elucidate here. What might not seem worth pointing out to you could be revelatory to others, and (I hope) nobody will ever get stick here for staying the obvious!
23 May 2018
sideshow bob
Dixie McNeill or Peter Ward ?
23 May 2018
The dynamic entrance
Don’t know if it’s been mentioned but straight in at 17 on the midweek album charts. Beating pink floyd for an added bonus.
(It has, see above; quite something eh? – CtSO)
23 May 2018
Hendrix-tattoo
Is it just me or does the New Album have a Ian Dury and the Blockheads influence i.e Gail and Sonia(Joyce and Vicky) NBAP.
Geraldine(Mr.Love Pants) and some Norman Watt-Roy style Bass Riffs from Neil.
What I would also like to say is what a cracking album it is…
23 May 2018
Cream cheese and chives
A day stripping the wallpaper in the lounge-the room may look bigger-with the lp on repeat for much of it. Windows wide open, sun in the sky. Blessed are the neighbours to hear it for nought! I am giddy at hearing it in London.
Tomorrow I must teach yr3. They are a grand bunch but not ready yet for this masterpiece.
Staffroom conversation will, however, echo much of Knob heads on quiz shows.
I can almost hear Terminus as the theme tune to a tragi/comedic drama. It could feature the (now elderly) boy who lived in the caravan in ‘Striker’. He was probably called Ben.
23 May 2018
The harbinger of nothing
@Bobby Svarc: That’s very kind of you, thank you! I would be very glad to receive it. Perhaps CtSO could facilitate an exchange of email addresses?
@HGANAVAC: Wow, is SoulSeek still going? I used to use it years ago and thought it was long-vanished. I shall investigate. I’m not averse to the odd bit of internet-pilfering, especially for something like this where I can’t buy it in a format I can use. I wonder if that live version of Nerys Hughes is on there…
Cheers both!
23 May 2018
Bobby Svarc
OK Harbinger I’ll do it today, no worries.
24 May 2018
Bobby Svarc
OK thanks to Chris I now have your email addy so I can send it today when I get on me laptop.
24 May 2018
Lando CAKES
What’s this about a crossword? Is there an inner sleeve that my copy of the LP is lacking?
(It’s in the CD ‘booklet’, not sure about the vinyl – CtSO)
24 May 2018
transit full of keith
Useful feature, the Latest Tweets feed. I’ve rung up several tweeters to say “that’s not how I would spell Colombia”.
24 May 2018
LANDO CAKES
Aha! It’s in the cd that came with the LP – thanks for that pointer.
24 May 2018
Peter R
Thought experiment: if the Arctic Monkeys had released “Creative Hub” as their new album it would have been acclaimed as a masterpiece and a return to the sound and wry social observation of their debut. If HMHB had released “Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino” it might not have gone down so well, however …
24 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
I’d settle for 1% of the number of reviews the Arctic Monkeys are getting. Nearly a week after release, and so far just one small website has bothered. Quiet lads, someone might hear.
24 May 2018
malcolm of arimathea
Anyone else listen to the Bigmouth podcast? Host Andrew Harrison is a devotee of HMHB so I was expecting some mention of the new album at some point. Sure enough, episode 103 (May 12th, i.e. the weekend before the album release) featured a burst of Alehouse Futsal at the very end, albeit unannounced – maybe he didn’t want to be too overt about it. More intriguingly, AH made a reference to Ipswich Town Reserves (around 1:00:15) in a discussion about Marvel characters. I only noticed this because I didn’t get around to listening to it until this week, by which time I’d heard the album. It can’t be a coincidence…presumably he either heard Swerving the Checkatrade on Steve Lamacq, or got a copy of the album from the Leamington gig.
Podcast link for those interested is here.
24 May 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Cracking long intro to ‘Terminus’ would make a superb ring-tone.
An achingly poignant song that has me on the verge of tears every time, even before I got the full impact of ‘grey falls on the green’.
24 May 2018
transit full of keith
On the subject of reviews Chris, I badgered someone of vague online acquaintance who writes for a Sunday paper to badger someone to review the album, but whilst sympathetic to the cause, as a freelancer, he’s Badgered but Entirely Uninfluential. He’s going to get the album though, so one more through the till for Geoff.
On the subject of Terminus, Exxo, yes – listened just before heading out to work this morning, and was thinking, surely this is their most moving song.
24 May 2018
Idristhechiseller
I thought so at first but now it’s Harsh Times….that gets me. I find the concept of a bloke trying to nurse a depressed spouse back to health through physicist jokes and Battenberg cake makes me well up every time I hear it.
24 May 2018
Bobby Svarc
I thought Geraldine was that doll in the window
24 May 2018
Third Rate Les
I feel vindicated by my surly comment about It’s A Wonderful Life. The thing that grates is that the “goodies” are actually quite obnoxious (the main character gets into trouble by sloppy management, whiny victimhood and frankly domestic abuse), while Potter’s vilification has quite dubious motives.
I suspect we HMHB fans are all people who recoil at the syrupy awfulness of linking arms and singing Auld Lang Syne. I cheered when I heard that line.
25 May 2018
Dr Desperate
The reference to IAWL is obviously no coincidence, given that its dénouement involves the Yuletide activities of George’s irritating neighbours. These include the cop and cab driver Bert and Ernie, namesakes of the characters from Sesame Street (♫”Come and play, everything’s A-OK, Friendly neighbors there, that’s where we meet”).
25 May 2018
Idristhrchiseller
@Bobby Svarc
The way I see it, you could metaphorically reupholster a real woman’s head, but you couldn’t feed a doll Battenberg. It works either way, I suppose.
25 May 2018
THE HEDGE
Straight in at #33, which I think is their highest (main) album chart placing ever.
25 May 2018
THE MARE’S NEST
Number 33 in the UK Album Charts – congratulations!
One of the best albums they’ve done too – well deserved.
25 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
IT’S FINALLY HAPPENED
Make a note of the date. 25 May 2018: After 32 years and 14 albums, Half Man Half Biscuit have made it, for the first time, into the full, official UK Top Forty Album Chart.
http://www.officialcharts.com/charts/albums-chart/
25 May 2018
JD O’Gloves
Brilliant news, top album. Well done everyone. Let’s see if it can stay in the top 40 next week!
25 May 2018
dr desperate
Woo-hoo! 33 with a Biscuit!
25 May 2018
dr desperate
CtSO’s birthday, and National Chart Day.
25 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
Well Done ProbePlus!
25 May 2018
Transit full of keith
Nice one.
25 May 2018
Warden Hodges
Well done everyone be it online, p and p or like myself, went into Probe and bought it there and then. 18 weeks to go, can’t wait!
25 May 2018
BOBBY SVARC
Tour buses and all sorts now they’ve made the big time
https://ibb.co/jc47J8
25 May 2018
Meadow of consolation
As writer of seemingly the only review about the new album, I’d like to say a genuine thank you for being so generous with your constructive feedback, and that my error regarding the Bladderwrack Allowance has been noted!
I’m really surprised that so few people have reviewed the new album, and hope that Nigel doesn’t take umbrage at the chart action and put the band on a late-80s style hiatus.
25 May 2018
JUST MARK
The Fall’s Levitate is re-issued today in recognition of this achievement.
25 May 2018
Carrie anne
Great achievement, with minimal publicity too, which is just how we like it.
One thing which puzzles me though, is that Hub is behind the latest Parquet Courts release in the album chart, but one place ahead of it in the indie album chart. Not sure how that could happen.
25 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Just goes to show that Geoff knows best, of course. The indie thing is odd; I’m not sure how they work that out. Also interesting to see that they break down the charts into different types of media: so Creative Hub is number:
– 33 in the overall chart (the one which historians will look back on in the 23rd century);
– 29 in the ‘download’ chart (presumably paid-for downloads, like iTunes, etc);
– 13 in the ‘physical’ chart (CDs and vinyl);
– 20 in the ‘vinyl’ (only) chart;
– 17 in the ‘sales’ chart (physical + download, I’m guessing);
– nowhere in the ‘streaming’ chart;
– 4 in the ‘record store’ chart (purchases in independent record stores).
25 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
So… the album performed relatively most strongly in CD sales, with vinyl sales not far behind and download sales a bit further back; but it didn’t trouble the scorers in streaming. If it had done equivalently well in streaming, incredibly it would have been in the top 20. And it sold particularly well at real record stores.
Maybe there’ll be an outpouring of reviews over the weekend and the album will go on to get an almost unprecedented second week in the charts. Now wouldn’t that be a thing.
25 May 2018
Mr SpecialPants
After being hugely disappointed by UFO which just seemed to me, to be just a lot of puns and non sequiturs stitched together I wasn’t expecting much from this album. Glad to be proved wrong! The only thing I can remember being railed against on the last album was bland tv drama and then only half halfheartedly, the venom and the bile is definitely is in full force on this one though, which I think is where the best of the humour often comes from for those who complain about the lack of laugh out loud moments. And what tunes too!
25 May 2018
Bobby Svarc
I bet no-one at Probe Plus and I do mean nobody, saw that chart position coming.
25 May 2018
theqwill10
“Mini review” contained here, which promises a full review next week:
http://thequietus.com/articles/24662-albums-of-the-month-may-2018-gnod-junglepussy-jenny-hval-arctic-monkeys-half-man-half-biscuit-ill
26 May 2018
Lee gillingham
Great new album
Pushchair wars .
26 May 2018
Gordo
I uploaded Bell Rings onto youtube over a single photo of an out of control hedge just so that my friends know what I’m going on about when I keep singing “get your fuckin’ hedge cut” to myself. https://youtu.be/Z8ztlb9nkWk
I thought the 2nd verse could of been about a colleague of mine who owns a Boardman bike, rushes home to watch Tour De France highlights on ITV4 and does indeed analyse Strava but he confirmed that a) he doesn’t own a full Sky replica kit and that b) when he moved into his house the first thing he did was get rid of the garden hedge altogether to save himself the hassle of having to cut it every year
26 May 2018
ROBR
With the chart placing, hopefully non-fans will be intrigued by the title and investigate further. Fancy coming to all the albums for the first time!
In my opinion Hedge is a masterpiece from the finest band and pair of songwriters ever to come from Merseyside.
How the mighty have risen.
26 May 2018
Hammerfist Deceiver
@Gordo #651
Genuine question – when people write ‘could of’ instead of the correct ‘could have’, do the people who write ‘could of’, upon reading other people’s posts where they write ‘could have’, think that it is the people who write ‘could have’ who are in the wrong?
I am not having a pop at you, Gordo, like I am some kind of grammar policeman. I am genuinely interested. What do you think when you read ‘could have’?
28 May 2018
S
“that’s not how I would spell Colombia”
Wait, it’s not about Washington DC? Even with Trump in the White (Line) House?
Well, anyone that sees my review in print can take the typo as a tribute to Keith’s tweeting…
28 May 2018
Yan cowles
Looks like the reviewer on Quietus has got the lyric on Terminus, to wit…
‘and a shin which looks like Inter’s end on derby day’.
28 May 2018
George Yardley
Could it be that the compiler of the crossword on the new album is none other than the Tommy McArdle,well hard gangster from early Brookside?I think we should be told.
28 May 2018
John Anderson
Thanks. I knew the name was familiar but couldn’t place it until now. Great spot.
28 May 2018
alan
Foreign (Google translated) review from Oceaund.com
Half Man Half Biscuit – ‘Alehouse Futsal’
Short, intense and direct. That’s Half Man Half Biscuit . The British will not be emerging in music but they have always moved through the most underground rock scene. They are about to release their fourteenth album under the title No-one Cares About Your Creative Hub So Get Your Fuckin ‘Hedge Cut and this’ Alehouse Futsal’ is a statement of intent. Without reaching the two minutes, it offers a fast folk rock that would be praised in the deep United States.
28 May 2018
EXXO
Glad to see Attila the Stockbroker’s back home to find the CD waiting for him on the doormat (see Tw*tter feed). I tried to talk about the album after the gig on the first night of his mini-tour last Thursday night, but fair play to him, he wouldn’t allow to drop me any spoilers!
29 May 2018
S
According to Wikipedia at the moment: “It was BBC Radio 2 DJ Steve Wright’s Album of the Week in the week it was released.”
[citation needed]
29 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Of course the thing is, Wikipedia shows the IP address of the person wot dun that, and I have the IP addresses of every comment on this site, so stuff yer GDPR, I know which ‘regular’ here surreptitiously added the Steve Wright misinformation…
30 May 2018
John ANDERSON
A cycling website reviews the new album. Hinault Collaboration?
30 May 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Almost inevitably, chart oblivion appeared. The midweek charts do not feature Creative Hub in the Top 100. The first two albums remain the only ones to trouble the charts for more than a week.
Still, Top 40 eh?
30 May 2018
KennyP
Nice review written on the cycling website (see previous), though some of the comments do exhibit a bit of a sense of humour failure (and I say that as someone who uses Strava regularly).
30 May 2018
The harbinger of nothing
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-44304678
Who needs the library or the pub, when we’ve got TWO creative hubs…
30 May 2018
I, Problem Chimp
That’s one way to get your fuckin’ HQ cut…
30 May 2018
EXXO
Solid review, but can of course expect a significant time penalty from the commissaires for drafting behind the Tube anecdote.
If the Climbing Monthly reviewer manages to bring together the Channel 4 helicopter offer and the hoped-for winching off Cloggy in ‘Mod Diff’, that’ll be a different story.
30 May 2018
Dr Desperate
“Cargo cult aspirationals” is almost good enough to be a song title.
30 May 2018
John’s on shimano ultegra now
@EXXO The Tube anecdote was handing me a water bottle.
@KENNYP Some of our readers are a bit sensitive about cyclists dissing other cyclists. As am I usually, but I see NB10’s mockery here as at least a little affectionate.
@JOHN ANDERSON Chapeau! Wish I’d thought of that.
30 May 2018
Dr Desperate
I showed my TEFL bro the album cover at the weekend and he said, “Nice reverse alliteration – Creative Hub, Hedge Cut”. I suppose it’s that form of phonological parallelism known as chiasmus.
30 May 2018
Gordo
#653 Hammerfist Deceiver
In my case it’s purely down to speed typing(30 words a minute in case you’re wondering). Just like I know the difference between their, there and they’re or between wear, where, were and the town of Ware in Hertfordshire, when I speed type and the word is spoken pretty much the same, my brain sometimes tells the fingers the wrong word. Usually I spot mistakes like that immediately and correct it, other times I don’t.
I suspect people who think that it is ‘could of’ would not really care if other people write ‘could have’ instead and like most people, read both as having the same meaning.
30 May 2018
Cream cheese and chives
Tommy McArdle delivered the greatest line in soap history. ‘ You lads ever seen a video nasty?’
The recipients were Terry and Barry. The line delivered, the lights were extinguished and a beating was delivered as the credits rolled. Of course, later Terry atypically showed that real life can reflect soap operas.
A long shot that he is the inspiration for ‘What made Colombia famous?’ but it certainly isn’t Carlos Valderama.
https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/brookside-terry-brian-regan-marked-3350897
30 May 2018
KennyP
@John on Shimano etc
Yeah, I took the lines in the song to be tongue in cheek affectionate mockery as well. I’ve heard Nigel make comments at gigs about Strava, lycra etc. All just fun. He’s also, incidentally, the only singer I’ve heard ask a crowd not to tell him who won that day’s Dauphine stage as he was watching the highlights after the show!
I suspect some of the comments on the cycling website were from folk who had just read the lyrics and know nothing about the band. The humour seems to have passed them by somewhat.
30 May 2018
Spiltdown Man
Could “that one about the Zuiderzee” being requested in Bladderwrack Allowance be Moody Chops from FLWSTW? It’s the only other song I know that mentions it (although I’m sure some Dutch folkies would be able to tut disapprovingly and provide an embarrassingly long list of qualifying tunes).
31 May 2018
Dr Desperate
Indeed it could, @Spiltdown – see post 9 on the BA thread for other (non-Dutch) candidates.
31 May 2018
Polo-necked Jean
Not sure if this from musicOMH has been posted yet, another positive review.
(Yep, thanks – all reviews are linked to on the album page here – CtSO)
31 May 2018
polo-necked Jean
Oooops, i’ve somehow avoided the Twitter feed again. Anyway, where the fuck is the Guardian review again ?
31 May 2018
parsfan
Norman Records review…
31 May 2018
peter mcornithologist
Bobby Svarc. Your suggestion of John Hickton must win the most unfortunate .Blimey. He and Stuart Boam bathed together on blissful Teeside evenings
1 June 2018
Transit full of Keith
Mick Middles’s review on The Quietus: http://thequietus.com/articles/24700-half-man-half-biscuit-no-one-cares-about-your-creative-hub
Ticks one box (‘sardonic’), but no mention of the Tube and that bloody helicopter.
1 June 2018
transit full of keith
Not a bad review at all from the Fall chronicler, though I suspect the phrase “South Liverpudlian folklore” might raise some eyebrows with some on here … “Columbia” typo. (Eh … Was that Mick Middles on here a few days ago?). On the plus side, “curiously thunderous”, “achingly poignant”, “one of the great lyricists of our darkening times”, and due credit given to Mr Crossley.
1 June 2018
EXXO
So OK, (comment replaced by request – see below)
1 June 2018
BOBBY SVARC
“2004 Urge for Offal” Oh well.
1 June 2018
EXXO
Hi Chris (normally I’d email this but it can be a kind of ‘open letter’ on here if you like),
All kinds of reasons why the Quietus chap has touched a nerve there, and I think he deserves that reaction. However I would also like to be political and in a tiny way help to move things forwards (between Manchester and her neighbours in particular), so I’ll rephrase.
Can I change it to:
Middles writes well about the music and lyrics, better than any of us amateurs on here, as you would expect given his history and massive output. He seems to want to make an effort geographically, although he gets it wrong, has obviously never looked for a pub round Prenton Park, has no clue about the social mix or social history of the Wirral (which has always been gentrified big time), and he accepts a passage from that otherwise impressive Du Noyer book which is gobbledygook as far as HMHB are concerned.
However, rewinding a bit, can Middles name another band who are guilty of “wallowing in rather trite Scouse-speak”, whatever the f*** that means? We all know where “wallowing in trite self-pity” come from where references to Merseyside are concerned, and it’s time journalists from every city put such evil Murdoch nonsense and football rivalry where it belongs, in the trash can of prejudiced history. I can’t see a Merseyside writer getting away with describing a Manchester band as “glorying in trite Manc arrogance”, or even worse a Stockport bans as “not glorying in trite Manc arrogance like all the Manchester bands do” so let’s all just leave it shall we?
And while we’re at it, when we establish right-on new grass-roots football clubs in a good old working class socialist tradition, can we please have the good sense to drop the near-racist chants about the inhabitants our neighbouring cities?
Ta,
Exxo.
1 June 2018
transit full of keith
Maybe my good review of his good/bad review was premature. I read it in a hurry and missed some undercurrents. The review is not a patch on that Taylor Parkes one, but to extend him some slack, he likes the album, and it’ll probably put a few more through the Probe till. I don’t think he ‘writes better about the music and lyrics’ than the ‘amateurs’ on here, either …
1 June 2018
EXXO
Like I say, he’s a fine rock critic and has been doing it entertainingly for 35 years or more so feel free to enjoy his review and not have to suffer the undercurrents.
But believe me , in that two words “Scouse” and “wallowing”, there’s enough to tell you he would take the Murdoch shilling any day of the week, while still turning up at an FC United benefit night and playing the working class hero with the rest of them.
1 June 2018
JUST MARK
Punchline to the Stewart Lee ‘sardine’ routine about Tom O’Connor:
‘Although, remember, that was in Liverpool, where mawkish, cloying sentimentality passes for entertainment’
Unfortunately, this cliché has replaced curly perms and moustaches.
2 June 2018
Dr Desperate
Mick Middles’ mention of “stating the bleedin obvious” might suggest he at least visits this site – I’ll ask next time I see him.
2 June 2018
Phyllis Triggs
Top hub-fuckin’ hedge-cuttin’ tunes played between acts at last night’s Glastonwick. Sounding bloody amazing through the big speakers. Can’t wait to hear these songs played live.
2 June 2018
Hammerfist Deceiver
@Gordo 670
Thanks for getting back to me. I suspected it was a typo but thought I would ask because it’s something that was on my mind (too much time on my hands, I know). I hope you wasn’t (weren’t?) offended.
I also liked your comment, “I suspect people who think that it is ‘could of’ would not really care if other people write ‘could have’ instead and like most people, read both as having the same meaning.” I’d never thought of that and I suspect that you are right.
Cheers
PS If I post again I will try to be ‘on topic’. Apologies to all.
2 June 2018
JUST MARK
@DrDesperate – Does MM still live in Flixton?
3 June 2018
Dr Desperate
I believe he does. He’s a friend of a friend; scraping acquaintance we last saw him at his 60th in Stockport in 2016. A nicer bloke you couldn’t hope to meet, though slightly deaf these days, and his FB page shows his hedge-cutting is somewhat lax. His biog of Chris Sievey ‘Out Of His Head’ is excellent.
3 June 2018
treadmore
lovin it
maybe Nigel or Neil is a B52s fan – the start of “Every time a bell rings” sounds very like “Is that you Mo-Dean?”, and that’s no bad thing
3 June 2018
Cream cheese and chives
Not alehouse, but international.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/live/44319887
3 June 2018
JUST MARK
Yeah, I’d avoided his writings until the Sievey book, it seemed to be a turning point, the style was slightly different, better, more accurate. Maybe the foolishness of trying to write about The Fall when there’s not much to go on clouded my judgement. But if he lives in Flixton and has a bad hedge then that’s two things I have in common.
3 June 2018
EXXO
Aah. That was nice – needed a few days off, as you could tell from my unnecessary angst about stuff on Friday. Proper jealous about your glorious Glastonwick weekend though Lou – hope you drank a ridiculous quantity of fab ales! Went every year for nearly a decade but not been able to go since 2016.
5 June 2018
mrspecialpants
Trying to work out the what that bits that sound like ‘past tooken seats’ and ‘comic glees’ in Terminus actually say is driving me quite mental now! Can’t wait for that one to appear.
5 June 2018
ChARLES EXFORD
Pastoral conceits; comic glees is correct.
5 June 2018
mrspecialpants
Comic glees? Really? I’ll wait for the discussion to find out what that could possibly mean but I think the rest of it is clear now, cheers.
5 June 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Words change. resistance is mostly futile.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glee_(music)
5 June 2018
mrspecialpants
Ah! That makes sense. I may sleep tonight thanks.
5 June 2018
Cream cheese and chives
As I carried out the task ordered by the title this morning, I wondered whether any other lps had led me to act in such an obedient way and drew a blank. I have a vague memory of Gary Glitter releasing the (now) inappropriately named ‘Touch Me’ but that was unlikely to ever have happened.
I live in fear of the day an album comes out called ‘Get that mattress that has been in the loft since you moved in twenty three years ago and take it to the tip.’
6 June 2018
third rate les
Another Chapeau to John Anderson for his Hinault Collaboration.
Brilliant.
6 June 2018
Phyllis Triggs
Certainly was a glorious weekend Nigel. Thanks to you for referencing Glastonwick on this site otherwise I would probably never have heard about it.
Best band: impossible to say, such is the variety and quality each – Attila sure knows how to pick ‘em!
Best beer: as above.
Weirdest beer: the Mint Ale…
Best TShirt: More Blacks, More Dogs, More Irish
Best moment: walking into the barn for that first blessed pint after journeying 320 odd miles to get there to find they are playing the new album. A real “ Ahh, I’m home” sort of moment which just set the scene for the rest of the weekend. Perfect!
6 June 2018
EXXO
It really is a special place. That ‘beer garden’ overlooking the hamlet is a definite candidate for my own “grey falls on the green” moment. It’s in the Domesday Book and it hasn’t changed much since – most of that tiny church is pre-conquest! But I’ll probably just have my bones brewed into a beer and have it given away at Glastonwick. Glad to hear the event maintained the usual high standards, ‘cos when I spoke to Attila less than 2 weeks ago he was worried about the worst ticket sales in over a decade! My old folks used to live about 6 miles away across the Downs, and now they’re not there, it’s more difficult for us as it’s not a dog-friendly festival, but hey we’ll get a dog-sitter next year.
6 June 2018
SPILTDOWN MAN
Loving the album. I have a Best of HMHB playlist on my phone and I reckon at least half of this album will make the cut. Maybe more. That compares to 3 tracks from UFO. What a return to form.
I’ve also been enjoying comparing the Lyrics on here to my interpretation of them. Only Emergency Locksmith still to go. Might already have been mentioned but the “fraudulent grave” near Glaslyn in Emergency Locksmith is deffo North Wales’ underwhelming tourist hotspot Gelert’s Grave.
8 June 2018
EXXO
Thought so – thanks for confirmation.
This will make Dr. D’s task easier, eliminating Portmeirion decisively from the podium, if we decide to locate the ford in or around Beddgelert – indeed that means assuming that it’s the stepping stones across the Glaslyn there that are alluded to.
8 June 2018
ROBR
There’s a pub called The Old Ford close to Glaslyn.
So I take Ford on hold as meaning a delay in going for a pint.
9 June 2018
EXXO
That’s a very different Glaslyn, a cottage118 miles further south (by road) which seems to have a good website profile. This is the River Glaslyn, in spate at or around Gelert’s grave, so it can’t be forded. So the ford will have to come later, if at all.
9 June 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Best Song On The Album?
With some trepidation, but mainly because I’ve been amazed at how many different songs on this album have been declared as “my favourite” by everyone, I can’t resist… a mini-Lux-Familar-Cup via the auspices of Twitter Polls. Enjoy:
https://twitter.com/hmhb_lyrics/status/1005862398706806785
(UPDATE: Group D hit 100 votes in 34 minutes!)
(UPDATE: …and 200 votes in 4 hours!)
10 June 2018
dr Desperate
Okey-dokey, now all the songs have been lyricised, we can finally reveal the winners of ‘No-one Cares About Your Creative Hub So Get Your Fuckin’ Hedge Cut’ Placename Bingo.
Total number of entries received: 56 (UFO got 13).
Entries received after the song titles were revealed: 28.
Entries received after clips became available online: 7 (none anywhere near correct).
All the above were allowed. 3 duplicate entries were discounted.
Number of placenames on the album: 24 (9 outside the British Isles, 3 of which have since been renamed – suggestions?)
As last time, nobody chose a placename precisely, so Rule 4 comes into operation (see post 2 above).
In reverse order, the top 5 are as follows:
5. Burly Physio: Quorn; 12km from Blaby. (Blaby’s in Leicestershire.)
4. Mr Tubbs: Kirby Muxloe; 7km from Blaby.
3. Warden Hodges: Moreton; 6km from Royden Park, 9 from Umberstone Covert.
2. Seany Mac: Bebington; 3km from Umberstone Covert
1. Bobby Svarc: Whetstone; 0.6km from Blaby.
All the winners receive what every contestant on the Sausage Sandwich Game receives: our very best wishes.
11 June 2018
EXXO
I know you won’t be interested, but I’d measure Moreton from Moreton cross, and Bebington from the village, giving you about 4.5 k (to Caldy golf club) and less than 2k respectively. This does not affect the result. One wonders if Seany Mac’s contribution being his only appearance on the site ever*, might mean that he’s a ringer like Svarco, so I’d say the moral victory may potentially lie with the Warden (again)? Parsfan has a podium finish for me.
(*Not true – CtSO)
11 June 2018
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
No film derived song on this album (after “Fix It” (Blade Runner) and “Adam Boyle” (The Wicker Man)) on the previous two.
11 June 2018
dr Desperate
Being a person of the utmost integrity myself, I find it difficult to believe others capable of chicanery. Therefore, I’m now going to leave the room, and should any of the Placename Bingo winners feel unworthy (whether through advance knowledge of how to hyphenate counties, having read my post about where Umberstone Covert is, or non-existence) I would urge them to disqualify themselves. Remember, it’s only yourself that you’re hurting.
11 June 2018
EXXO
We also need know of course whether the suspicious “Leicestershire cluster” of entries is a result of wily old fox discussions elsewhere?
11 June 2018
Warden Hodges
Feel a tad guilty on taking credit for this as my knowledge of Moreton is limited. I know the outside café, the ‘ The Beatles played here in 1962’ plate outside the club which I don’t know what it’s called and the promenade. I’ve never left the West Kirby bound train and turned left.
11 June 2018
dr Desperate
Before considerin’ gettin’ your fuckin’ hedge cut, bear in mind that it may be illegal.
https://www.rspb.org.uk/birds-and-wildlife/advice/gardening-for-wildlife/plants-for-wildlife/garden-hedges/hedge-law/
11 June 2018
BOBBY SVARC
We were accused of cheating our way to the title so I’m used to the flak, winning it wasn’t the thrill it was the taking part. Therefore, as Larry Grayson once said to me behind the Cock and Bear End, I withdraw my entry.
11 June 2018
parsfan
Thanks again for your support Exxo but, as I said last month (#502), I don’t think it should count. The closest town to Crook of Devon mentioned on the album is Crieff.
If we’d being doing this for 90 Bisodol, would you have given it to someone suggesting Preston?
There’s always next time, hopefully long before 2022.
Anyway, probably see you in York.
11 June 2018
dr Desperate
@Gok: ‘Every Time A Bell Rings’?
12 June 2018
CARlosfandangowidewheels
Hoping that the new T-Shirts will be out soon
12 June 2018
Peter Ross
I was on Radio Scotland’s arts programme earlier today, talking about some forthcoming cultural highlights. At the end of the show, they always ask for a personal recommendation, so I thought I’d help the cause by mentioning the new HMHB record. Here is the link. The Biscuity bit is at about one hour 54 minutes. It’s only a brief reference, I’m afraid. https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0b61269
12 June 2018
dr Desperate
Very good Pete, but did you get to meet Kylie?
12 June 2018
Chris The Siteowner
THE #HMHB “CREATIVE HUB” WORLD CUP
— Group Stage Results —
Out go Emergency Locksmith, Harsh Times in Umberstone Covert, Bladderwrack Allowance, Alehouse Futsal and Man of Constant Sorrow. More than one of those have been mentioned by people here as their favourite songs on the album, which does rather emphasise what a consistently brilliant record it is. But something had to give, and we have some really tough choices coming up in the knockout phase. Which is right here. Off you go!
Vote in the Quarter Finals (requires Twitter)
12 June 2018
PeteR Ross
Sadly, no, I didn’t meet Kylie, which is a great shame as I always like to encounter the few pop stars who are shorter than me. She’s the same height as Iggy Pop, I believe.
13 June 2018
Dick Quax Running Shoes
Classic example of how there’s often more intrigue in the pool games. I can’t believe the lads from Umberstone Covert are on the plane home already.
13 June 2018
Nigel
Bought the cd from probe, received on release date, but the only way I’ve listened so far is via spotify. Anyone else this stupid?
13 June 2018
paul f
I’m not sure how these things work, but presume that is a good result for the band. I have also downloaded it via my free Apple Music trial.
13 June 2018
Transit full of keith
A contest where Umberstone Covert is out in round one to Colombia is a travesty, obviously. But I suspect Friday’s joyous performance of the latter might have swung it – it’s definitely a crowd-pleaser live.
13 June 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
Be hilarious if the cover wins it. I might start trying to remember some of my twitter log-in details.
13 June 2018
Bobby Svarc
Biscuits at Bilston
https://ibb.co/hHxU4d
13 June 2018
Matty
The blog Liverpool etc. let me have free reign in writing about ‘No-one Cares..’, so I duly obliged:
http://liverpooletc.com/get-your-hedge-cut-half-man-half-biscuit/
14 June 2018
Warden Hodges
Quality that Shipbuilder.
14 June 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Two rather excellent links above there.
14 June 2018
Transit full of keith
The detail in that model is quite something – at any rate to me, they look like a real gig crowd, in gig crowd postures. Also, the light show’s excellent… Is it Ken or Karl on guitar?
14 June 2018
Transit full of keith
@Matty, “Oo-ooo, it’s a good review”. Best so far, including the professional reviewers.
14 June 2018
BOBBY SVARC
It was originally Ken when it was first built last year but it does look a bit like Charlie, especially if I painted his guitar green. I have sold it to one of the elders of this forum, I think I’ll take it ‘on tour’ with him so you can see it in the flesh.
14 June 2018
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
Beginning to think I am definitely out of step with the majority of HMHB fans. Best I managed in the group stages was a second place in a group of 3 and I’m only backing one winner so far in the quarter finals.
ETABR seems like a shoo-in for a win, but while I don’t think it’s a bad song I do think the subject matter -poking fun at middle class pretensions – has been pretty much done to death by Nigel.
14 June 2018
Paul f
Wonderful review that – great work.
14 June 2018
transit full of keith
@Bobby. Hope it doesn’t get damaged in the mosh … (& is Charlie yet another of Karl’s stage names?)
(It’s his only one ?– CtSO)
14 June 2018
Chris The Siteowner
THE #HMHB “CREATIVE HUB” WORLD CUP
— Quarter Finals Results —
This is getting painful. Out go “Renfield’s Afoot”, “Mod. Diff. Vdiff. Hard Severe”, “The Announcement” and “Knobheads on Quiz Shows”. Semi-finals are here:
https://twitter.com/hmhb_lyrics/status/1007335201855418368
https://twitter.com/hmhb_lyrics/status/1007335203067645952
14 June 2018
Cream cheese and chives
@ Bobby (711) I didn’t have my glasses on but I did start trying to find me and my wife in the throng. I even thought I had pinpointed myself. Astonishing! Thought of it at the Football Museum Subbuteo showcase yesterday.
I then wondered whether you could get work on a Hereditary spin off. You could be the artist who makes doll’s house miniatures of HMHB gigs . Then I realised that you were already doing it.
14 June 2018
Bobby Svarc
For a minute I thought you said your wife was in her thong.
15 June 2018
Cream cheese and chives
Bobby-your eye for detail is obvious but I think that might have been beyond even you.
15 June 2018
SIDESHOWBOB
Saw HMHB In 1986 in Burnley, Cats Whiskas, been a fan ever since, love em like my 2 cats paella and moose, this latest album is genius, they are an antidote for all the crap that goes on in life and they make life real, i try to explain it to people but they dont understand, I LOVE NIGEL BLACKWELL
15 June 2018
SIDESHOWBOB
truly hedge is the quintessential HMHB album, amalgamating everything and being mature yet scathing and loving, i really cant listen to anything now on BBC6 because it is all irrelevant and any genesis album to boot, god bless ernie hunt (maybe the ugliest footballer ever)
15 June 2018
Chris The Siteowner
THE #HMHB “CREATIVE HUB” WORLD CUP
— Semi Finals Results —
A big win for “Every Time A Bell Rings” over “Terminus”, and a fairly comfortable win for “Swerving The Checkatrade” over “What Made Colombia Famous”. Around 230 votes in each poll. On to the final…
16 June 2018
Ernie McGarr’s lapsed bar tab
Loving The Announcement but puzzling over how a Tranmere Rovers turnstile worker can pull such a stunt on an afternoon’s takings…
17 June 2018
brumbiscuit
In the ’80s, I worked with a Wolves ‘fan’ who, it was strongly rumoured, when working on the turnstiles and if it was a busy game with a large crowd and they had been given the order to open up the gates to avoid a crush, used to pocket the takings from every other fan who subsequently passed through. Seeing as the turnstiles were open, no count could be taken of the numbers passing through and they took his (& presumably the other turnstile operators’) word for it.
17 June 2018
Bobby Svarc
I’m a little miffed that the band didn’t introduce some bagpipes on the new album, maybe in 2022 eh?
17 June 2018
Transit full of keith
There seems to be a very small washboard on ‘The Announcement’ though.
17 June 2018
Chris The Siteowner
THE #HMHB “CREATIVE HUB” WORLD CUP
— The Final —
An easy win for “Every Time A Bell Rings” over “Swerving The Checkatrade”, with well over 300 people voting. Thanks all! Just a bit of fun.
Judging from the comments over the last month, I reckon those two might have been the choices of many regulars here on a first listen, but since then, here at least, I’ve detected some serious drifting away towards appreciating a variety of other songs. There are now some quite passionate fans here of “Terminus”, “The Announcement”, “Mod Diff” and “Umberstone”, to name but four. It’ll be interesting to see how the new the songs fare in next year’s full-scale Lux Familiar Cup.
18 June 2018
Bobby Svarc
Four tracks are Neil’s tunes on which he also played guitar (Knobheads On Quiz Shows, Bladderwrack Allowance, Terminus and Mod Diff etc). Nigel wrote the other eight and did all his own guitar work too, though he did get Neil to put the solos on ‘Colombia’, Man of Constant Sorrow’ and ‘Emergency Locksmith. Bagpipes are still work in progress but defo getting there.
19 June 2018
Chris The Siteowner
Top info, Bobby.
19 June 2018
Bobby Svarc
I forgot to add that N, N and C went into the studio to record it and the band appreciate all the kind words about the album. Nigel said “Again, coming out of the studio we haven’t got a clue if we’ve recorded something which other people would be pleased with so it’s quite a relief to find that it has seemingly been well received so far”.
19 June 2018
Chris The Siteowner
That’s good. Certainly I’ve heard nothing other than top, top praise from every direction for the album. The chart position was remarkable, and I hope it was based on great sales figures. But as with anything creative launched to minimal reviews, you have to assume that sales are based on previous work and any anticipation built up in the meantime. I can’t believe that many album sales in that first week were to buyers who knew much about what it’d be like.
19 June 2018
transit full of keith
Interesting stuff, and nice to hear they’re chuffed with the response.
Curious to me that the most bass-tastic songs on the album (Renfield’s Afoot, Harsh Times and Every Time a Bell Rings) are written by Nigel, rather than Neil – not what I’d have expected (although maybe it’s all a bit more collaborative in practice).
19 June 2018
Neil
Nigel playing a tune to me on the guitar and me picking out a melody on the bass is how it’s done. I write better bass lines to Nigel’s songs than I do to mine except for songs like Fear My Wraith and Turned up Clocked On, on which the two fight it out.
19 June 2018
EXXO
Uncanny! I was just typing that that’s what Nigel had told me Keith, when Neil himself pops up and says it 🙂 I remember Nigel saying “I would never tell Neil what the bass line should be.” Good to hear it from the horse’s mouth how truly collaborative the Crossley & Blackwell partnership is, cheers Neil.
*Sings, embarrassingly* “Neil Crossley is a rock’n’roll genius!” (Clap, clap-clap, clap-clap. Clap-clap!)
Congratulations N & N & C on a truly wonderful record, and your best selling album ever, Geoff tells me.
19 June 2018
transit full of keith
Thanks Neil for taking the trouble to answer that – didn’t expect that! And thanks for, er, all the songs and the gigs and that …
When I get home, I’ll dig out ‘Fear My Wraith’ & ‘Turned Up, Clocked On’ – and see if I can work out, with my non-musician ears, what exactly is meant by the “two fighting it out” on those songs.
19 June 2018
hendrix-tattoo
I second that “Neil Crossley is a rock’n’roll genius!” (Clap, clap-clap, clap-clap. Clap-clap!)
Congratulations Boys….
19 June 2018
Cream cheese and chives
The idea of producing such a thing and not knowing whether people would like it! Interesting too, the idea of slow burners on the lp. I would certainly agree. The singalongs grab you from the off but it is Terminus and Umberstone that shine out now.
Mind you, I would give anything to refer to someone as ‘Mr Out In Round One.’
19 June 2018
BOBBY SVARC
Hoping that this will work. The good doctor owns Bilston now!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xoNlDaFoe0
19 June 2018
Mrs outinroundone
I see the Guardian has published a best of the year so far; no mention of our lads of course but the readers comments are busy highlighting the omission. Some having been removed as presumably they touched a nerve?
(Feel free to sign in at The Guardian website and upvote royisgreat’s comment, or my reply, by clicking the up arrow – CtSO)
20 June 2018
Mrs outinroundone
Have done so Chris. There’s a fair few other comments worth an upvote too that support my view of the album being ignored. I didn’t vote in the readers 2014 poll but sure as hell will this year.
20 June 2018
aiwacat
Finally some acknowledgment of the new album in the pages of MOJO, as Knobheads On Quiz Shows makes an appearance in the MOJO playlist.
22 June 2018
paul f
And the Guardian – thanks to our collective efforts.
22 June 2018
Polly tunnel
Norman Records have almost included ‘No-one cares about your creative hub so get your fuckin’ hedge cut’ in their mid – year review of what they consider to be the best records so far of 2018.
The album’s included in the ‘bubbling under’ section in the ‘sum stuff that nearly made the top 25’ list.
There’s also a mini review of the album; worth a read?
Sorry I’m not able to provide a link as my computer skills are inept…
25 June 2018
BOBBY SVARC
https://www.normanrecords.com/records/170066-half-man-half-biscuit-noone-cares-about-your-creative#reviews_content
25 June 2018
dr Desperate
Hardly a rave review from the Leeds vinylists, but it’ll do. I note last year’s ‘bubbling under’ list included Thurston Moore.
25 June 2018
Polly tunnel
Yes slightly disappointed by their review of the new album but at least they’ve done one.
26 June 2018
sideshowbob
We all love hmhb but other music i am listening to mercury rev at the moment and early genesis what do other biscuits like ?
1 July 2018
sideshow bob
We are eclectic come on surely a yes fan in there? or tangerine dream or chameleons
1 July 2018
sideshowbob
Had to endure cerys Mathews no more lamb lies down on Broadway all in not topographic oceans i am 55 also love gentle giant
1 July 2018
BOBBY SVARC
what do other biscuits like ?……………..Hot Chocolate
1 July 2018
Peter Ross
Continuing to fight the good fight, I recommended the new album on Radio 4’s Saturday Review at the weekend. Just a brief mention, which you can hear near the very end of the podcast, should anyone wish to do so. https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b006qh6g/episodes/downloads
1 July 2018
Bobby Svarc
Haven’t played the album for a month until last night, it gets better.
3 July 2018
gipton teenager
my CD’s arrived in the post!
Sorry, a bit late to the party but it arrived just before I went to Seahouses for a week.
I played the whole thing through 3 times in a row at work (that’s not ‘in a line’, ‘whilst using oars’ or ‘in a quarrel’ but’ in sequence’) and just had to say thanks to the boys. I’ve been not looking at the discussions about the tracks deliberately so as not to spoil my personal discovery. Now I’ll see what y’all have to say.
5 July 2018
The harbinger of nothing
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-south-yorkshire-44964690
Fuckin’ Hedge!
26 July 2018
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
@harbinger Actually, my initial reaction to that story was to wonder if his ambition was to grow a maze (and whether Jacques Laffite lives in Sheffield)
27 July 2018
Cream cheese and chives
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jul/27/my-life-in-sex-alcoholic
And where was he at 4.30 one morning ?
27 July 2018
The harbinger of nothing
@Gok: Seems to be quite logical. Either way, he’s very good at getting his hedge cut. I can’t help wondering whether he’s gone too far the other way, and should actually stop cutting his hedge and start analysing Strava.
27 July 2018
EXXO
*Mister Logic Alert*
According to the story and the pic, the dude is 84, lives in a city centre terrace and has had the same single bit of topiary in his tiny front excuse for a garden for years (so hardly a doyen). It seems highly illogical to assume that, as he is an attention seeker anyway, he would have left thus far unfulfilled any desire to grow a maze which would be the world’s smallest, and therefore easiest to cultivate.
28 July 2018
EXXO
I left it a few weeks before getting any clarifications in 2014, and in some quarters it was felt to be too soon. This time it’s been nearly 3 months coinciding precisely with the absence of league two football – but the opportunity presents itself at the match today. Would the consensus be that a sufficiently respectful period has been left for those who, for example, are wishful to labour under the delusion that it might be “start” meeting friends, and that certain elucidations would now be welcome? You have about 2.5 hours to object.
11 August 2018
Transit full of keith
‘I speak ill’ vs ‘a Speke eel’ would be good to clear up…
11 August 2018
parsfan
My money’s on “stop” and “Speke”.
11 August 2018
kittymc
I’m with “speak ill”, though cheerfully unsure about the rest. Bit curious about whether Father Time’s alive/arrived – though, all things and all context considered, it’s not the end of the world either way. I was wrong about “instead of the garden,” I know. I’m like an actress leaving the divorce court where that’s concerned. I over-complicated it, I think, because I heard “stare at the garden” initially and then thought I’d misheard, when I hadn’t at all.
But go on, anyway – tell all.
12 August 2018
Bobby Svarc
Did he enjoy the match?
12 August 2018
EXXO
The match was thoroughly enjoyed by all concerned in the Wirral ranks, though realism about the quality of the opposition means that the bet of the day may well have been made before kick off – Cheltenham to go down at 8/1.
Five or six clarifications were obtained. Do you want the all at once or eke them out over the course of a week, like a meagre stipend? Because I do particularly regret not taking the piss more about the sheer daftness of the “Speke eel” suggestion, and perhaps I could still twist the knife a bit?
12 August 2018
Transit full of keith
Well, a Speke eel eking out a stipend is a lot less daft than iron age mums haunting a cagoule, in my humble opinion. I’ve googled the migratory patterns of the European eel and located the position of Speke Hall and its fishery by the Mersey – it all checks out.
12 August 2018
Educating Rita
@Exxo. Well that’s the foreplay over with. Let’s get down to the real thing. But Charles, take it slowly, and no premature ejaculation of all your bounty.
12 August 2018
Bobby Svarc
I ain’t slept a wink all night.
13 August 2018
dr Desperate
One a week would be nice: that would give us plenty of time to discuss whether he actually knows what his lyrics mean.
13 August 2018
EXXO
Well I did have cause to mention William Empson’s sixth type of ambiguity in a brief conversation about that line, after he told me the same thing he’d already told Mick.
13 August 2018
transit full of keith
William Empson: sacked from a Cambridge teaching post in a more prudish age after condoms were found in his room. Described as “engines of love” by the cleaner who found them, who was not much good at fixing a car.
13 August 2018
ROCKY KNOLL
Not listened to the album but almost had several mirth-related driving accidents listening to Every Time a Bell Rings for the first time on the “free” CD that came with the October edition of Mojo. That’s another 50,000+ sales surely…..
25 August 2018
PeeJaygee
On my trip down to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival , I was able to play the new album to my friend . He picked out ” Every time a bell rings ” as his favourite track . My favourite song is ” Terminus ” . Sadly , this year’s Fringe did not feature the show ” Some Men , All Biscuit ” . Maybe next year the show will return , hopefully .
26 August 2018
Jim offshore central america
Good Morning All
I haven’t been to this site in yonks – I still thought it was called chrisrand.com/hmhb, which will give you some idea.
Even worse – you’ve been discussing ‘No one cares….’ for months and I haven’t even got a copy yet. I’m still on UFO.
Now that last comment may garner me sympathy, or maybe opprobrium – but here’s my question – Is there a way of downloading the album whilst ensuring that NB57 gets his fair share of the sale price? I think I read on here that Nigel does best if you buy the CD from Probe Plus, but stuck on a survey ship for most of my life makes that one a non-starter.
All useful tips and sympathy welcome. I guess I’ll have to accept the insults too…..
30 August 2018
Bobby Svarc
Send me your addy and a tenner on PayPal and I’ll send you a copy via the e-mail. I send Geoff the tenner. It worked for Exxo
31 August 2018
Jim offshore central america
Hello again
A big ‘thank you’ to Messrs Exford and Svarc for reaching out with offers of help on getting ‘No-one cares…’ to a survey vessel. I’ve now learned that I’m stuck on this ship for an extra fortnight, so there’s time to order from Geoff, and then race the CD back to Australia. Probe Plus is the best bet to ensure Nige gets his cut, yes?
Back to listening to UfO (inter alia)…..
31 August 2018
EXXO
Just emailed you Jim.
31 August 2018
EXXO
I like to think N & N would enjoy that our latter-day Shackletons can download their tracks as they explore infernal regions, while simultaneously racing the actual physical CD back to Elephant Island.
*sings*
They never thought that they would be finding fans in the southern seas.
I mailed him today and in his hand was a Samsung made in Vietnam.
31 August 2018
Jim offshore central america
Exxo – re Shackleton – I like to think likewise. Love the ‘new’ album (like that’s a big surprise!), and have already hailed ‘Harsh times….’ as a classic. If the previous releases are anything to go by (and why wouldn’t they be?) then third, fourth…ad infinitum listens will be even better.
On a not-quite-related note – Shackleton is a hero of mine, and I’d hoped that maybe one day I’d get to Grytviken in South Georgia which is a) Rugged and beautiful, b) NB10 sort-of hiking country, and c) Where our Ernest was laid to rest. The ship I’m on has been to South Georgia, but I wasn’t on it. A sad fact, and barely relevant, but there you are….
1 September 2018
CHARLES EXFORD
@ FTVP Steve – If you ever fancy holidays in Snowdonia (and I make no apology that you’ll now be singing that all day to the Dead Kennedys tune), it turns out that a recent HMHB support act now helps run an airbnb in/overlooking Dwygyfylchi. If I tell you it also has fabulous views of the Orme it should be easy to find, and to identify the act in question, via a five-second google.
2 September 2018
FEATURELESS TV PRODUCER STEVE
Exxo, it turns out there are quite a few airbnbs in Dwygyfylchi. My googling skills don’t seem to be up to the task.
4 September 2018
Gipton Teenager
Don’t know which thread this belongs in,but next year’s Lux Familiar cup should be exciting.
Any early odds ExxonMobil?
(See what I mean?)
By the way Jim, if you think the site’s a bit bonkers now wait until the cup starts. It’s even more bonkerser.
5 September 2018
Transit full of keith
Just heard the Nigel Blackwell interview from 6 Music from a few weeks ago. Although nobody’s celeb predictions were heard on the album itself, I was startled to hear my first two (Richard Osman and Alexander Armstrong off Pointless) BOTH get mentioned in this interview (see comment #47). Where do I claim my prize?
More to the point – nice enough interview, but far too short.
10 September 2018
Crown Green bowler, age 29
I know it’s a couple of months late but only just got my hands on a cd of the new album….
Just listened through for first time and is first time ive heard any of the tracks.
It’s been interesting reading other folks views on it as I listen.
My initial thought is that it’s ‘business as usual’ and up to the usual standards although ( not a negative) the production gets slicker each time.
‘Every Time a Bell Rings’ is the standout for me on this first listen. It had me laughing loudest anyway and in a sense is the title track I suppose.
Sounds like the couple in the house opposite me being sung about as well.
They’ve got a big garden gate as well… And my daughter has some chalk in her art box!
11 September 2018
Crown greeN bowler, age 29
Dear Probe Plus,
Can I get my money back as there are no clues for 12 down and 22 down ?!
Or are they hidden in the lyrics somewhere?
I feel very short-changed…
I may have to leave a bad review.
Yours,
Disillusioned of Crieff
20 September 2018
Evillevi
Pinxton. Handy little stopping point just off the M1, close to my birthplace, and… 10 points for using the ‘X’.
25 January 2020
Schoon
So when is the next album out? 2020, 2021 or a Rammstein-like 2028?
21 February 2020
dr desperate
To Barton-on-Humber’s glittering Ropery Hall last night for John Osborne’s excellent ‘You’re In Bad Way’. After the show I mentioned to him the similarity of titles between his 2016 volume of poems ‘No-one Cares About Your New Thing’ and this album.
He said, “I first got into poetry by trying to write lyrics like Half Man Half Biscuit’s. I was so pleased when their album came out the year after my book – I thought, finally!”
23 February 2020
Chris The Siteowner
Fabulous. Hope the lads see that!
23 February 2020
EXXO
@Warden post 29 (see also post 31).
Ooooh.
25 February 2022
warden Hodges
Re Exxo, had to look back there! ha.
Anyway it’s off to School Lane I go at 12 (usually the time shop opens) then a pint in the Post Office boozer.
Happy New Official Release Say!!
25 February 2022
warden Hodges
or Day even…..
25 February 2022
Speculaas
I mean how great is this album!
14 July 2022