All Asimov And No Fresh Air: all about the new Half Man Half Biscuit album in 2025
Released 13 June 2025 • Skip to comments
- This page is just for general album chat. → Click here for the lyrics page. ←
“All Asimov And No Fresh Air” is the latest Half Man Half Biscuit album, released on 13 June 2025 by the band themselves on their own RM Qualtrough label. It’s the band’s sixteenth full album of original material since 1985, and the first since 2022’s The Voltarol Years.
This page is for general chat about the album. The lyrics and discussion of each song can be found here.
The Artwork
Cover artwork designer Steve Hardstaff popped into the comments below to tell us: “Nigel’s brief was ‘Exploding head’; yes there’s an obvious homage/reference to Cronenberg and ‘Scanners’. The image has been totally recreated and they are my hands (no copyright probs). It’s Asimov on the badge (it was going to be different on the CD but that didn’t happen) and the reason for the egg will be revealed when the full artwork is released.”
Buying the Album
The album will undoubtedly be was released with the band’s inimitable lack of fanfare and to a wave of indifference from the press. However, the last two albums cracked the Top 40, and this one could do so too if it gets enough pre-orders. (Update: it did, for four days at least). Yes, it’s on streaming (below), but fifteen quid once every few years doesn’t seem too much to throw at the band, does it?
“All Asimov And No Fresh Air” Track Listing:
1. Horror Clowns Are Dickheads
2. Goodbye Sam, Hello Samaritans
3. Rawlplugs Of Yesteryear (Breaking The States)
4. The Bliss Of The Hereafter
5. McCalliog And His Hens
6. Record Store Day
7. I’m Going Out Of My Mind Trying To Get Into Yours
8. No-One Likes A Polymath
9. Don’t Get Me Wrong Yvonne
10. Birmos In The Cowshed
11. Falmouth Electrics
12. Jack’s Been To The National
13. Possible Side Effects
Order now at:
- Proper Records (the official distributor)
- Seeds Records (“the official home of all things Half Man Half Biscuit and Probe Plus”)
Please support independent record shops and online services, not international tax-avoiding megamarkets run by knobheads.
Stream on Spotify
Stream on Apple Music
Reviews
The excellent Uncut magazine was the only mainstream publication to publish an extensive review of the album. Everyone else’s loss, if you ask me.
✉ Letters Sent (1,010)
Skip to the most recent comment
(3 months ago by Lambchops)
Chris The Siteowner
CD at Proper Records £10.99 (RMQUALTROUGHCD002)
Vinyl £20.99 (RMQUALTROUGH002LP)
25 April 2025
EXXO
The Phrenology head, you’ll notice when you zoom in, is the classic L.N. Fowler & Co. porcelain model from c.1850, a massive seller in Victorian England.
25 April 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
I’m discussing this elsewhere and the phrase “All these open windows and no fresh air” has been mentioned as the source of the title, although I’ve never heard it myself.
25 April 2025
Paul F
But is it art?
25 April 2025
EXXO
That’s the thing about these tropes that people can use creatively like “all … and no …” is that they don’t have any single origin, particularly as this one is both metaphorical and literal if you want to take it as disparaging towards sci-fi nerds of the seventies (it’s the sort of thing your dad might say if he knew that’s what you were reading) or keyboard nerds today. As usual it’s ironic to be discussing these things here in a nerdy way instead of being out trekking across the Carneddau or something.
25 April 2025
warden Hodges
Oh well, another afternoon on the pop in The Post Office, School Lane. Fantastic news. RIP Batesy, he’d have whispered this to me by now.
25 April 2025
EXXO
Was thinking of Svarco this morning while Talkshite were discussing Leicester, Vardy, etc and they still were when I heard this news. Pearson out!
25 April 2025
dr DEsperate
Track listing now out.
(Added to the top of the page; thanks – CtSO)
25 April 2025
EXXO
AI has excelled itself again. I was googling if the “I am not a robot” ID badge comes from somewhere specific, and it tells me it comes from The Great Gatsby …
25 April 2025
dr DEsperate
That digital artwork ‘So many open windows and no fresh air’ by Frederique Matti is apparently a reference to the trope ‘All these open Windows, but no fresh air’ in the 1998 Japanese anime series ‘Serial Experiments Lain,’ created by Yasuyuki Ueda.
It appears on a tee shirt worn by a character in a 2020 episode of ‘The Flash’ TV series.
Does that help?
25 April 2025
John Anderson
The original Proper Records album page listed the first track as Misery Hunt, which I was rather looking forward to.
25 April 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
@John A: I assume it still is and Dr D’s list is the product of a team of evil AI robots.
(Goodbye Sam, Hello Samaritans did raise a chuckle though)
25 April 2025
EXXO
I’m not sure even A1 (see what I did there) robots could produce ‘Birmos in the Cowshed,’ but then again it is kind of archetypically Blackwell, so maybe the robots were on form during that particular microsecond.
Not so when I was googling the “open windows” thing, which AI is happy to attribute to whichever famous wit you put in the google search, especially Oscar Wilde and Will Rogers. It’s so universal that lots of people will have said it.
25 April 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Added Seeds Records (the HMHB merch stand) to the list of sources at the top.
25 April 2025
paul f
@Exxo – was that by Ridley Scott Fitzgerald?
25 April 2025
EXXO
Proper has updated the track list. No more ‘Misery Hunt.’ Trying to decide if I prefer their ‘The National’ (in which Jack may have been to see a band) or seeds’ ‘the National’ in which Jack may have been to watch a horse race. Likewise ‘Cowshed’ (Prenton Park) or ‘cowshed’ (sporting flared pants down the farm, perhaps?). But TBH Seeds seem probably have more tyopes than an average week of my comments.
25 April 2025
EXXO
“Tyopes.” Hehe, not deliberate. Spelling out my own laugh to celebrate that one. And @Paul, nicely done.
Shall we play place name bingo? Suggestions too close to Falmouth or the Cowshed considered unsportsmanlike, perhaps?
25 April 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
Well, this news has greatly improved a day that began rather badly. Now I just need a ticket for the Devil’s Arse to avoid having to do any abseiling to get in…
(I do have all the necessary kit to abseil, but I’d rather not upset the Peak Cavern leaseholder as he’s a decent sort and I’d like to stay in his good books!)
25 April 2025
Chris The Siteowner
The guy on the ID badge looks a lot like Peter O’Hanarha-hanrahan to me.
25 April 2025
Nick Walters
Art the Clown would like a word about Track 1.
Call him a dickhead to his face, would you, Nigel?
I don’t think so.
https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/villains/images/4/44/ATCT1.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20250220104818
25 April 2025
EXXO
Your link doesn’t work for me. But I remember saying when they had those horror clowns on The Traitors they must have made sure people knew what was coming and promise not to punch the fuckers.
25 April 2025
Scoff
I feel judged. I’ve just spent the last couple of months finally reading the Foundation series by Asimov – its been on my list for years – although I am getting plenty of fresh air…!
25 April 2025
Transit full of Keith
The guy on the ID badge looks more like, er, Isaac Asimov to me. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Isaac.Asimov01.jpg
25 April 2025
EXXO
Ahem, cough [pretends he knew that all along]. Very true. Chris only said “a lot like.” Which was a fair shout, and involved entertaining linkage.
25 April 2025
EXXO
@Nick. Followed you down a ‘Terrifier’ rabbit hole, and even though I hate horror movies, as a member of a ‘Shaw’ clan myself I have been forced to swear vengeance on all horror clowns. Ah Sienna!
25 April 2025
Nick Walters
Oh ok it’s just a photo of Art the Clown from the Terrifier series.
Which I recommend as wholesome family viewing for all.
As a science fiction nerd and author myself I am well pleased with this album title.
And of course the emergence of more HMHB into this increasingly bizarre and scary world is an extremely welcome thing.
25 April 2025
EXXO
As an aside, Nick, I’m always curious whether sci-fi nerds have ever heard of my primary school headmaster, Douglas R. Mason? Never did ANYTHING except sit in his office writing science fiction, and the odd assembly. I remember him quite fondly.
https://sf-encyclopedia.com/entry/mason_douglas_r
25 April 2025
Nick Walters
The name rings a faint bell, but I have not read any of his works.
He sounds like he had quite a lovely life.
25 April 2025
Alex
Placed an order with Skeleton Records. Didn’t know that’s owned by Ben Savage of guest trumpeter on Big Man Up Front fame.
25 April 2025
ADAYRES
Surely a link…?
https://freshairarchive.org/guests/isaac-asimov
25 April 2025
EXXO
I’d generally go with what makes it cleverer or funnier – and it’s a cleverer and funnier, and a more typical HMHB title, if that’s just a coincidence. in a similar way that NB didn’t know there had already been an obscure song called ‘Trouble Over Bridgwater.’ But I’m sometimes quite wrong.
25 April 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
@Exxo – his pen-name of John Rankine sounds a bit familiar, possibly from one of my mother’s collections of sci-fi short stories.
25 April 2025
Rich Scopie
Cowshed End could also refer to Huddersfield Town’s old Leeds Road ground. I am, however, unaware of a famous Birmingham City invasion of the Cowshed.
25 April 2025
EXXO
Birmos were seventies kecks – Birmingham bags -1973/74 season sort of thing – big thick high waistband, like Bay City rollers without the tartan. The kind of pants* your sister might have worn when waiting for Slade autographs outside the stage door.
*Put this in for comic effect for most of you, but on Merseyside for a couple of generations at least “pants” was just used for trousers.
25 April 2025
Pirx The Purist
Whee! A new Steve Tilston album last month (said – by the man himself – to be his last one; he’s just turned 75), a new Sparks album next month (age doesn’t seem to be a barrier in the Mael brothers’ case) and now this! Quite a year, considering I didn’t buy any music at all in ’24 (mostly because I were proper poorly for most of it; I’ve surged out of convalesence nicely since).
25 April 2025
EXXO
There’s something very HMHB (Broadstairs, Light/Tunnel, My Outstretched Arms sort of thing) about the lead single off that Sparks record:
“We were ecstatic even though it would rain
We were so frantic as we biked around Spain
Were we romantic or just out for good times?
Two of a kind”
The humour is underlined in the video but they should have done some of it on bikes.
25 April 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Cover artwork is by Steve Hardstaff.
25 April 2025
Thatchiselleridris
Well wouldn’t you know. I just clicked on this website for the first time in ages on the off chance of some news, on the very same say they’ve gone and announced a bleeding album. It’s just the sort of coincidence my commenting on which would probably annoy the lads tremendously. I must be psychic or something.
Although I managed to ignore my fears that the closing diptych on the last album had a valedictory quality, I did feel they’d settled on a 4 year release cycle so this is a definite Brucey.
25 April 2025
schoon
Me too. Although I do it all the time so sooner or later it had to happen.
According to chatGPT (so probably wrong and no doubt the formatting won’t work):
| From Album | To Album | Gap (months) |
|————|———-|————–|
| Back in the DHSS | Back Again in the DHSS | 24 |
| Back Again in the DHSS | ACD | 24 |
| ACD | McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt | 22 |
| McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt | This Leaden Pall | 24 |
| This Leaden Pall | Some Call It Godcore | 24 |
| Some Call It Godcore | Voyage to the Bottom of the Road | 24 |
| Voyage to the Bottom of the Road | Trouble Over Bridgwater | 33 |
| Trouble Over Bridgwater | Cammell Laird Social Club | 25 |
| Cammell Laird Social Club | Achtung Bono | 36 |
| Achtung Bono | CSI:Ambleside | 36 |
| CSI:Ambleside | 90 Bisodol (Crimond) | 41 |
| 90 Bisodol (Crimond) | Urge for Offal | 37 |
| Urge for Offal | No-One Cares About Your Creative Hub… | 43 |
| No-One Cares About Your Creative Hub… | The Voltarol Years | 48 |
| The Voltarol Years | All Asimov And No Fresh Air | 37 |
26 April 2025
Camomile Fluck
What wonderful news… just waiting for the release date for that final Cardiacs album (better late than never) and my year will be complete.
26 April 2025
Third rate les
Never read any Asimov.
Finally read “Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep” though and that was far better than expected.
And just finished The Expanse on Amazon which is the best tv I’ve ever seen.
What’s a good place to start with Asimov?
26 April 2025
EXXO
Must admit I read my last sci-fi when post-punk and social reality took over from prog. I remember I edited a sci-fi edition of school mag in about 1978 (in which I probably reviewed some Asimov, and wrote some sort of Dick-inspired dystopian stuff) and that was it.
26 April 2025
dr DEsperate
I was a teenage Asimov completist, and I’d recommend his Caves of Steel trilogy, featuring the robot detective R. (Robot) Daneel Olivaw, as a good place to start.
(Even now, reading the name of his human partner Lije Baley makes me shiver.)
26 April 2025
dr DEsperate
I thought I’d seen that wire buzzer game in Steve Hardstaff’s cover artwork before – it was used in a paper from last year’s Christmas edition of the British Medical Journal demonstrating that surgeons have greater dexterity than other hospital staff, but also swear more.
(The Christmas BMJ tends to be more frivolous than usual, as evidence the fact that my collection of doctor action figures appeared on the cover of the 2015 edition.)
https://bmjgroup.com/surgeons-show-greater-dexterity-in-childrens-buzz-wire-game-than-other-hospital-staff/
26 April 2025
EXXO
Well spotted.
You don’t see them buzzer games much these days. Every school/cubs/church fete used to have one, and it was probably there that I got some early indications (that I should not follow a medical career with shaky hands like mine.
26 April 2025
EXXO
No doubt we’ll gradually narrow down each item in the collage (I’ve been checking out every egg in Dali, Bosch, etc of course, but no joy yet).
26 April 2025
EXXO
Oh. I hadn’t clicked your link – just assumed you meant you’d found the exact image of that exact same red wire. Did you just mean the buzz wire game in general?
26 April 2025
dr DEsperate
Just that exact same shape of (not red) wire.
26 April 2025
Dennis bell from torquay
I have never been more excited for anything in my life. Dad (Natalie at the Back) and I just got the news from a mate. HMHB returns!!!!
26 April 2025
No chips allowed
Open Micro’ Windows to view a whole new universe, but you can’t beat a good trek up Moel Fammau.
27 April 2025
Paul f
@Exxo re 28 above. Unassuming sci-fi writers seem to be common on Merseyside. My older brother used to talk about a feller who drank in our local who wrote sci-fi. Turned out to be Stephen Baxter who is a leading proponent of “hard science fiction” (which tries to get the science “right” as much as possible). I decided to get an anthology of some of his books, but even with a physics degree, I found it mind-bogglingly complex.
27 April 2025
Exxo
Interesting. Bet someone’s written a dystopian story about a world where sci-fi authors all had to have science degrees in order to get published. A possibly utopian scenario to some?
But unassuming head teachers are rarer on Merseyside, and he seemed to be one of the better ones. I recollect being briefly impressed, a couple of years after Ieft his school, to find out that some of the novelisations of the TV series ‘Space 1999’ were done by my ex-head and he contributed some plot development ideas to their second series.
It’s only recently my mum reminded me that it was he who suggested that my brothers and I should do the exam for Birkenhead, so he probably changed the plot of our lives …
28 April 2025
Cream Cheese and Chives
We have been in the far west of Lewis and Harris in places like the Mangersta bothy for the last few days and out of signal/wifi. Returning to this news is wonderful.
28 April 2025
MATTL
I got the Wikipedia article started again.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_Asimov_And_No_Fresh_Air
29 April 2025
Lee Gillingham
On order .just a great bit of news to end the suffering of being a Southampton fan.
29 April 2025
Transit full of Keith
Ordered from Seed Records. Intriguing title and cover – maybe AI and the terminally online will be amongst the targets of NB’s ire? Anyway it’s great news, and may well be the last sense we’re offered in a world gone mad.
29 April 2025
Tim B
If we’re talking Merseyside sci-fi there’s Olaf Stapledon, writer of Last And First Men & Star Maker, born in Wallasey, died in Caldy.
30 April 2025
cowshed birmo
@schoon (#39 above) – Yes, your ChatGPT inexplicably omitted Four Lads Who Shook The Wirral, ironically of course with it representing the shortest gap between albums (just 11 months after Voyage… by my reckoning)
30 April 2025
EXXO
@Birmo. Well spotted with the omission – I knew there was something oddly regular and very wrong about that list, but couldn’t be arsed to check/remember till just now. Don’t know if most people are aware of this part of the band’s history, but the 11-month anomaly was more a delay on ‘Voyage’ rather than ‘Four Lads’ coming exceptionally quickly (although it was certainly a very productive period for Nigel & Neil). The delay on ‘Voyage’ was due to the dangling of wages by a minor offshoot of the majors (Branson’s V2 Records, backed by Morgan Stanley millions). In terms of the writing recording and release process, it would normally have been only something like 18 months from ‘Godcore’ to ‘Voyage’, and a little over a year ‘Voyage to Four Lads.’ ‘Voyage’ had been ready & recorded since before the end of ’96, but was delayed until July ’97 due the possibility of the V2 signing. At one point when it had been decided that they would stay with Probe, but before ‘Voyage’ was finally out, Geoff said that ‘Four Lads’ could have been out by for Xmas ’97 had they wanted. The airplay that ‘Voyage’ got meant good sales, the wolf stayed away from the door and everyone lived happily ever after.
30 April 2025
Horror clown
@birmo doesn’t surprise me. I work with AI everyday and I want to kill it.
I feel like this is as good a time as any to say I have undergone this website name surgery and no longer wish to be known as Schoon. Has Horror Clown already been taken?
1 May 2025
DUKE OF WESTMINSTER
The cover art must refer to No-one Likes a Polymath and Brian Harvey. Harvo’s a man of many competencies – R&B crooner, TV celebrity antipodean insectivore, outsize potato consumer and would-be Eurovision competitor (damn you Scooch, with your infectious cabin-crew themed melodies).
All the clues are there in the cover art image – E17 as the wire puzzle, the egg referencing the mayonnaise to which the tuna in his potato had been added and the uncanny likeness. I leave others to tease out the other references.
1 May 2025
Chris The Siteowner
While doodling around with ChatGPT, I couldn’t resist asking it what it thought the lyrics to the as-yet unreleased songs might be. Here’s it’s prediction of the opening number:
ChatGPT: “Here’s a tongue-in-cheek take on “Horror Clowns Are Dickheads”, written in the dry, literate, deadpan wit of Half Man Half Biscuit. Expect obscure references, provincial frustrations, and cutting sarcasm wrapped in deceptively jaunty rhymes.”
1 May 2025
EXXO
“Provincial?” Now I hate AI regurgitations even more.
1 May 2025
Demibisquee
I don’t know if it’s actually a “better” option all things considered – and who’s got the energy to consider all things, certainly not me, and I only work 4 hours a week – but Google NotebookLM is an interesting alternative to CGPT, in that it is not a “large” language model, and only* uses the sources that you load into it.
Fun moment – it’ll make you a 10 minute or so podcast out of what you give it. Although it’s all still the spawn of Beezlebub, I kid myself that maybe it’s not quite the brazen IP larceny/sociopath enriching of the others.
*I’m surely kidding myself
1 May 2025
EXXO
I’ve been meaning to say since Friday that we perhaps shouldn’t dismiss the possibility that the currently published track listing is actually that of a brass-tinged five piece from Rhosesmor, named after a little known Tarkovsky film, who have recently toured with the likes of Chris Rea and Patti Boulaye.
1 May 2025
Chris The Siteowner
I asked ChatGPT what the tracks on the new album might be about. After reading its initial response, I said: “Those aren’t tracks on the new HMHB album”, to which it replied:
“Thanks for letting me know, The Unbearable Lightness of Being in the Wrong Queue” and “Morris Dancing in the Digital Age” are not actual track titles on All Asimov And No Fresh Air. That was likely an internet myth or fan speculation that slipped into other sources. Instead, here are some actual Half Man Half Biscuit classics-in-waiting from the upcoming album, including:
• “Horror Clowns Are Dickheads” – possibly a glorious return to Nigel Blackwell’s talent for skewering absurd modern tropes.
• “Goodbye Sam, Hello Samaritans” – a clever twist on Slade’s “Goodbye to Jane,” perhaps with a dose of existential despair.
• “No-One Likes A Polymath” – which sounds like classic HMHB: misanthropic, literate, and hilarious.”
Someone needs to introduce ChatGPT to Cliff Richard, for starters.
1 May 2025
Sera_6969
You could have given me a month of Sundays and an infinite number of monkeys bashing out band names and i would not have associated that cover with HMHB. Which, i think, is a good thing and bodes well. Loving the song titles.
Who is Terrence Oblong?
https://www.abctales.com/user/terrence-oblong
1 May 2025
EXXO
A fan who writes little stories based on the titles before each album comes out, presumably to exploit the googlers and get a few hits to his site. He’s never outed himself on here.
(He’s occasionally commented here for over 10 years – CtSO)
1 May 2025
Chris The Siteowner
@Sera_6969:
https://halfmanhalfbiscuit.uk/urge-for-offal/#comment-288207
https://halfmanhalfbiscuit.uk/sometimes-i-end-up-in-chepstow/#comment-425934
1 May 2025
EXXO
I do recall that, but I just meant he hasn’t really said who he is or explained his motivations for the titles project. It’s just his thing, I suppose.
1 May 2025
EXXO
OK, I didn’t remember the ‘research’ about him I’d done for comment 56 in the ‘Haddock’ thread. Blimey. Ignore previous two comments.
We caught some haddock (and cod) off Staithes on Monday. Good opportunity to do the can-you-tell-the-difference-between-cod-and-haddock-blindfold? taste test. I couldn’t really, apart from texture as it’s hard to cook two fish identically, though without blindfold marginally preferred the cod.
1 May 2025
Demibisquee
I applaud Mr Oblong, just getting on and doing what I pretend I want to do myself (sharing creative output, balls to the wall, ovaries to the wind etc etc).
Also, I hope he wigged right out when Oblong of Dreams turned up on the roster. What a trip. I’m loving it on his behalf.
1 May 2025
Quantocks checker outer
Falmouth electrics – always excited to see a West Country reference in an HMHB song, makes me feel a bit more of a connection to the Wirral massive. Nigel seems to throw in quite a lot of WC places – does he come down here on holiday?
1 May 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
I can usually tell the difference between cod and haddock when battered and deep-fried in beef dripping, and being from the Yorkshire coast (though I’m more a woollyback than a cod’eead) , I prefer haddock. The really tasty one is wolf-fish, but you seldom see that for sale in fish shops because it’s difficult to debone and the fishermen tend to keep it for themselves!
1 May 2025
Scoff
@PROFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
>The really tasty one is wolf-fish, but you seldom see that for sale in fish shops because it’s difficult to debone and the fishermen tend to keep it for themselves!
Is that sometimes sold as “Scarborough Woof”? I saw that in a chippy there once and thought it was dogfish, but now I’m not so sure…
1 May 2025
Exxo
@Demi – yeah I’m with you there on all counts regarding the creative output, but in this day and age there’s not much aet that can stand alone without knowing something about the motivations behind it. it’s just the way he takes someone else’s titles while they are fresh off the press and confuses the googlers before and after the album releases that I would like to hear him explain. Does he do it the way we do the set list predictions for gigs, hoping one day to get the premise of a HMHB song correct? Or does he just have a problem thinking up his own titles? Has he experimented with any oblique strategies? What does he think of generative AI?
1 May 2025
Exxo
“aet”should have been “art” there. I didn’t mean that not much can stand up on its own after 30 minutes of extra football.
1 May 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
@Scoff very likely, if it was a Scarborough chippy you saw it in. It’s another member of the cod family, but a particularly evil-looking one!
2 May 2025
Nick Walters
I suppose you all know this, but in case you don’t the name Terence Oblong comes from the Robert Lindsay starring 90s sitcom Nightingales about security guards. It’s well worth a look.
And Terence Oblong is a gorilla who comes to work with them.
2 May 2025
dr DEsperate
I didn’t know that, @Nick, excellent spot! Peter Elliott who played Terence seems to have made a career out of wearing furry suits – he’s also appeared as King Kong, Tarzan’s adoptive chimpanzee father Silverbeard, and as Ivan the Russian Bear, Chi Chi the Panda and Bollo the Ape in The Mighty Boosh, and a chimp in Red Dwarf.
3 May 2025
dr DEsperate
As promised, the traditional Placename Bingo post… is over on the Quiz thread.
3 May 2025
Horror Clown
Shouldn’t it be ‘Don’t Get Me Wrong, Yvonne’?
3 May 2025
Our Martin on the other hand
Am I the first to spot the Cronenberg reference/lift on the new LP cover?
https://fr.web.img4.acsta.net/pictures/20/06/19/15/13/5466944.jpg
3 May 2025
dr DEsperate
I’d been thinking about the Robot With an Exploding Head trope, but more in terms of The Simpsons and Futurama, where it occurs when a robot is faced with an insoluble problem. In The Simpsons Homer uses the phrase “This statement is a lie” (a reference to the Star Trek episode ‘I, Mudd’) and in Futurama Fry asks the Robot Chef for a pizza with anchovies, which have been extinct for 800 years.
On the album cover the insoluble problem may just be the wire buzzer game without its loop, or it may be the CAPTCHA catchphrase “I am not a robot” next to a photo of Isaac Asimov on the robot’s ID badge. Robots who aren’t aware they’re robots are a recurrent theme in Asimov’s works (and in those of many other SF writers since).
4 May 2025
Exxo
Thank you so much OMoth, that has eased the internal pressure that had building up within my own cranium. I knew that type of visual trope in general goes back a long way and the familiarity has been really bugging me, especially with the realisation that the hands are very specific, with the grazing on the back of the left hand really fascinating and obsessing me for the past week. They are Louis del Grande’s hands from that scene in ‘Scanner’ of course. The changes by Steve Hardstaff will presumably be enough to avoid copyright issues but the hands are still the same exact hands.
I have even seen that moment used as a GIF on a forum, and indeed I will probably be wishing I could use it to express my own feelings, when somebody is insisting on this year’s equivalent of “marshy Bedouin,” “a Speke eel,” etc.
4 May 2025
Exxo
@Doc (most recent comment). I suppose the egg could also be a symbol of an am oft-touted insoluble problem, though one whoch in this scenario the robot has already solved and put aside. If you ask AI which came first, it gives a very straightforward, logical answer and moves on.
4 May 2025
dr DEsperate
In the Red Dwarf episode ‘Beyond A Joke’, Kryten’s head explodes in an incident involving lobster and brown sauce.
4 May 2025
dr DEsperate
@Exxo (most recent comment). It may indeed be that the robot has already cracked the egg conundrum.
4 May 2025
parsfan
Anyone else hoping “Record Store Day” is about someone railing against it being called that rather than, here at least, “Record Shop Day”?
I suspect the whole concept is the more likely target though.
4 May 2025
dr DEsperate
The question of which track on AAANFA the title refers to may be irrelevant, as there’s a reasonable chance it won’t be any of them. None of the album titles up to ‘CSI:Ambleside’ was mentioned in a song; we then had three that were, followed by one that wasn’t.
Similarly, none of Jacuzzi’s cover art has ever borne the slightest resemblance to the albums’ content, in keeping with Nigel’s description of their collaborative process in Steve Hardstaff’s book Cover Versions (“a discussion lasting perhaps quarter of an hour before the conversation would inevitably turn to Charlie Poole and his North Carolina Ramblers, or a newly acquired DVD featuring footage of hitherto unlauded jug bands”).
5 May 2025
Exxo
Pursuing the exploding head image back another decade, for about 50 years I thought the Floyd lyric was “and if your head explodes without forebodings to,” i.e. unexpectedly, which would be nasty, but quick, as in ‘Scanners.’
The actual lyric is less satisfactory IMHO, though either way it is the weakest line in a wonderful song.
5 May 2025
dr DEsperate
Fans of ‘Inside No 9’ may recall an episode featuring a fake TV quiz called ‘3 x 3’ with Lee Mack (obviously based on his ITV ‘1% Club’ game show) in which a contestant’s head exploded.
5 May 2025
D list paul ross
All of which has put me in mind of The Man Whose Head Expanded, never a bad thing.
5 May 2025
EXXO
@Doc 90 – while agreeing with your general thrust that the cover may well not refer specifically to any specific lyrics, nevertheless I’d disagree with your assertion that “none of Jacuzzi’s cover art has ever borne the slightest resemblance to the albums’ content.”
* I’d say that the cover of This Leaden Pall reeking of car factory redundancies in Speke/Halewood , coveys the mood of TUCOLO or Floreat Industria brilliantly.
* I’d say that a Stretch Armstrong(-style) toy in a walking boot conveys the idea of the difficulty of the effort to actually get out the house and do something, but the reward when you do, that pervades 90s HMHB.
* I’d say that the cover of Four Lads contains more big Jimmy Nail look-a-likes than your average LP cover, plus the urban Birkoscape of Soft Verges, compounded by other bits of the cover art like the one of the Woodchurch Road area before it was patrolled by Sainsbury’s security (and not far from the Swan).
* And I know that old blokes in a pub are relevant to the album title CLSC, which is somewhat relevant to the song TLatEotTItLoaOC
Just pedantically passing the time au contrarian. 38 more sleeps.
6 May 2025
Transit full of Keith
Floreat Industria? Au contraire.
But This Leaden Pall’s cover does have the bike tyre round the lamp-post as a tribute to youth, and the motorway sign on the back referring to M6-ster.
6 May 2025
Transit full of Keith
Excellent spot from Our Martin, by the way.
I quite like this version of the captcha theme: https://149918304.v2.pressablecdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/image-3-5515787.png
6 May 2025
EXXO
I’m guessing then that he’s a robot?
I need there to be reps from two generations below me to stand any chance in a pub quiz these days (therefore, responding to Third Rate Les a month or two ago, I propose no pub quiz popular culture questions whatsoever).
6 May 2025
EXXO
Ha, OK, it’s Blade Runner, he looks so young. That i know about. I thought it was something more recent as he looks a bit like one of the next Hollywood generation – who I can never tell apart. Thought it might be from The Matrix which I’ve seen bits of but never watched.
6 May 2025
EXXO
@Keith. I remember telling you about my favourite tutor at college (who later became quite a TV personality), and how I thought you were perhaps unlucky to arrive at that institution after she left for a Professorship at QMCUoL. She interviewed me in her rooms when I was just 17, and of course I had an immediate massive crush. I was hugely impressed by an anti-Thatcher poster in the little lobby where her students waited, and a couple of years later (when we were quite close, but alas she had just got married), I bought her two postcards (from News from Nowhere, Bold Street, Liverpool) to add to the poster, and she duly displayed them.
Cath Tate of Leeds postcards was massive and prolific, and provided thousands of 1980s student walls with much credibility, but Steve Hardstaff had just started ‘South Atlantic Souvenirs,’ and I bought her this one too. She then asked me to get her the full poster from News from Nowhere on my next trip back home (or, more accurately, my next trip to Anfield). It’s now available, as you can see by the link, from The National Portrait gallery shop! With Margaret Thatcher listed as “Sitter” :-)
6 May 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Author Nige Tassell seems to have received the CD today, as he published a photo of it on his Bluesky feed. I’ve added his photo of the disc itself to the top of this page.
So there’s a promo list! And sadly no, I’m seemingly not on it, for anyone wondering.
6 May 2025
EXXO
With Lammo only doing Mondays now, and Rhys Mwn Mondays only too on BBC Cymru, that means it’s surely Riley/Coe for the first play?
6 May 2025
EXXO
Mrs. Exxo hates listening to two things at once. Will have to just have the Riley/Coe tracklisting up while watching Inter’s end loving watching Barça.
6 May 2025
Demibisquee
CtSO not on the promo list, even while being “quoted” as “a spokesperson for the band” by the “Wirral Globe”?
https://www.wirralglobe.co.uk/news/25141179.wirrals-half-man-half-biscuit-announce-details-new-album/
6 May 2025
EXXO
Thanks for that, Chris. So while the cover includes a classic 3-D phrenology bust from c.1850, the disc label adapts a 2-D phrenology image which (so far) we can trace back to at least 1909, from a big reference book entitled Health and Longevity by Joseph G. Richardson, though it may well go back further.
The jocular adaptations of the labelling on the image (e.g. “hens,” or “cow location” instead of just “location”) suggest that ‘McCalliog & His Hens’ may be the track most referred to by this image, at least. But we’ll doubtless know soon enough!
6 May 2025
Transit full of Keith
‘Polymath’ and ‘Rawlplugs’ are also lurking in there…
6 May 2025
Chris The Siteowner
@Demibisquee – (rolls eyes heavenwards). Local journalism ain’t what it used to be. What would they have written if I’d been derogatory?
“A spokesperson for Half Man Half Biscuit said: ‘The band really should have called it a halt back in 1987, I’m not sure what they’re thinking of, still releasing music'”?
6 May 2025
EXXO
As far as I can recall, the WG have never previously mentioned a HMHB release, so jolly well done Mr. Spokesman I say.
Things need to happen, sooner rather than later, to get Oblong of Dreams into a local news item, a it really should ascend to the levels of local anthem even for people who can’t really identify with most HMHB.
6 May 2025
dr DEsperate
I note that most of the terms that have been removed from the original phrenology map have been replaced with partial song titles (BLISS, STORE, RAWLPLUGS, POLYMATH, HORROR, HELLO GOODBYE, WRONG, HENS, COW) and the CD’s catalogue number RMQUALTROUGH CD002.
CORNSPARKS and NAG remain enigmatic for now.
6 May 2025
warden Hodges
I’ll get my 90p ready for the Globe at the corner shop by Hoylake train station. I shouldn’t take in Stanley Rd/ Red Rocks en route but I will, edgy as ever.
6 May 2025
François villon
Prince, n’enquerez de sepmaine
Où elles sont, ne de cest an,
Que ce refrain ne vous remaine:
Mais où sont les rawlplugs d’antan?
6 May 2025
John Anderson
Prince, don’t ask this week
Where they are, nor this year,
Let this refrain remain with you:
But where are the rawlplugs of yesteryear
6 May 2025
Transit full of Keith
Mostly in the bottom of my toolbox.
6 May 2025
Old tige
At the risk of stating the bleeding obvious, aren’t most of the commenters on this site polymaths?
7 May 2025
Alice van der meer
Personally I’m more Polyfilla.
7 May 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
Parrot algebra?
7 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
I am so excited. Just seen this on a news feed. It’s really nice to be at the forefront of HMHB chat as well, as opposed to joining ten year old conversations. Also, I can confirm I am far from a polymath. If it isn’t about diesel or English Bullterriers, I’m stumped. Don’t get me wrong Yvonne is possibly my favourite track title, although there are some belters in there.
7 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
The man in the ID badge looks like Peter O’hanraha-hanrahan from The Day Today.
(Glad it’s not just me – CtSO)
7 May 2025
EXXO
We’re now trying to work out if that makes it more or less likely that you’re a robot.
7 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@CtSO. I didn’t see that, haha. It is quite uncanny.
7 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Aaaand, I’ve just realised it’s a picture of Asimov himself.
7 May 2025
Old tige
40% Man 60% Polyfilla
7 May 2025
Alice van der meer
You’ve obviously seen me doing plastering!
7 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Third Rate Les. I’ve only read the Foundation Trilogy and The Gods Themselves but enjoyed both massively. Also, I preferred Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep massively more than Blade Runner. The whole bit with the poor chicken-head and the replicants with the spider was brilliantly horrifying.
7 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
On the subject of Sci-fi writing, whenever I’ve tried to write something I find some psychic bastard has already had the idea and executed in a more pleasing fashion. I’ve written 50 chapters of a novel called ‘Bounty on the Mutiny’ about asteroid belt miners, only to find out to my horror about The Expanse, which has already been mentioned.
7 May 2025
dr DEsperate
Speaking of Futurama (see post 84 above), in the episode entitled ‘A Tale of Two Santas’ Leela confronts Robot Santa with a paradox which makes his head explode, but he is revealed to have a head built with paradox-absorbing crumple zones, and it pops back.
In ‘Where No Fan Has Gone Before’ (a Star Trek crossover) George Takei asks Bender the robot if he has a self-destruct code “like Destruct Sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3… ” at which point Bender’s head explodes.
In ‘Ghost in the Machines’… look, let’s just accept it’s a thing, right?
7 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Would androids’ heads melting in The Simpsons – Lisa’s Wedding episode count?
7 May 2025
dr DEsperate
Due more to malfunctioning tear ducts than the response to a paradoxical question, but go on then.
7 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Thank you, sir. And now I’m reminded of the bomb in Dark Star which continually tries to blow itself up until it is coaxed into submission by phenomenology, but I think I’m clutching at straws now.
7 May 2025
dr DEsperate
I would have accepted the episode of The Prisoner in which Number 6 causes an enormous computer to blow itself up by asking it the epistemological question “Why?”, if only because Patrick McGoohan also played Dr Ruth (the evil scientist, not the sex therapist) in Scanners (see post 83, where this diversion began).
8 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
I’m determined to find another example now. I feel I’m on the verge of remembering one. Would you accept Malfunctioning Eddy from Futurama? He does blow up when he discovers he’s met Fry before. I like the fact that you mentioned Kryten By the way. Huge Red Dwarf fan myself.
8 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Could anyone recommend somewhere I could buy some of the older albums. I thought I’d finally purchase the albums I don’t have to tide me over until this comes out. Thought I’d start with Back again in the DHSS and ACD but I can’t seem to find them on Proper or Seeds. Am I looking at pre-owned on Ebay?
8 May 2025
Huddersfield's Very Own Steve Malkmus
On Rawlplugs- for years I thought they were called “wall plugs” courtesy of a Design & Tech (“woodworking” in old money) teacher with a Wossy-style speech impediment. In his defence they do go in walls…
8 May 2025
EXXO
I used to think it was “wall plugs” too. Either my dad called them that, or I thought he did. I have probably used about 8 of the buggers during my entire life.
8 May 2025
paul f
It’s the same thing. Rawlplug is an old brand name in the UK that stuck, in the manner of Hoover or Tannoy.
8 May 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Invented by John Joseph Rawlings while renovating the British Museum building, initially they were made of jute fibres soaked in a mixture of animal blood and glue. The company he set up to make his ‘Rawlplugs’ was rather brilliantly called ‘Rawlplug Brothers’. Should I start the A–Z entries from the song titles now, do you think?
8 May 2025
paul f
Seems sensible to get a head start.
8 May 2025
Chris The Siteowner
In that case I’d suggest adding…
Birmos
Cowshed, The
Falmouth
Horror Clowns
National, The
Rawlplugs
Record Store Day
Samaritans
States, The
…but leaving
McCalliog
Sam
Yvonne
…in case they refer to a specific person?
8 May 2025
EXXO
You’ve already got the National. And while most of us love being deliberately obtuse in the A-Z (the first post in that one being a typical example), it does seem counter-productive to put them up before we know the contexts in the songs, as the rubric does ask us to comment on the significance of it being mentioned in the song. Even if we rarely do.
8 May 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
@TTWTBATP #131 I’ve mostly been buying the earlier/unavailable ones second hand on Discogs when they come up for a decent price.
BAITDHSS is vinyl only and ACD, CD only of course.
8 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Ah. Thanks, Sylvian’s. I didn’t actually look at the format of Back again. That explains why the listings were thirty quid. I shall peruse discogs too.
8 May 2025
Cream Cheese and Chives
Rawlplugs are called wall anchors in the US. I know this from watching endless YouTube videos to try to improve my woeful DIY skills.
This always reminds me of a friend who worked with a lad called Wayne Anchors. Name tags when attending courses had to include his full name.
8 May 2025
EXXO
Apologies. The rubric used to say that, but I assume you changed it to more accurately reflect what was going on in the threads.
8 May 2025
ElvenRingTone
Quick question from the US jury.
Does the band have any plans for an international digital release on something like Bandcamp?
I’ll give my money to the bald Bezos if forced, but prefer not to if avoidable.
9 May 2025
Transit full of Keith
@Tutor With The Beard. Had a look at Seeds Records, and they do have most of the HMHB back catalogue in stock? Not on the front page, but scroll through All Products on the site menu. Better to buy from there than second-hand.
9 May 2025
Transit full of Keith
(sorry, just read your comment again – OK they don’t have ACD or Back Again, or currently Urge for Offal, Trouble Over Bridgwater or No One Cares… But pretty much everything else.)
9 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Transit. Yes, thanks. Thankfully I do have a lot of the others that aren’t in stock like Urge for Offal and Trouble Over Bridgewater. @Cream Cheese and Chives, I worked with a bloke called Ken Jeal and thought THAT was bad.
9 May 2025
Transit full of Keith
Re. W. Anchors and the like: I’ve probably mentioned this on here before, but a company I used to work for employed a consultant professor in the US called Randy Thrasher.
9 May 2025
dr DEsperate
Not as unfortunately-named as Randy Bumgardner, who served as Assistant Chief of Protocol at the US Department of Stateunder five Presidents.
(Easily confused with Randy Baumgardner, Colorado Senator and Majority Whip who left his post in 2019 after allegations of sexual misconduct including, er, butt-slapping.)
9 May 2025
Pirx The Purist
Madison Bumgarner, Major League Baseball pitcher (ex-San Francisco & Arizona). Inventively nick-named ‘MadBum’.
9 May 2025
ElvenRingTone
And lest not we forget the Mantooths.
https://m.imdb.com/name/nm0544168/
10 May 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
Had a dream last night that I’d got hold of a pre-release copy of the album and it contained two Fleetwood Mac covers – ‘Dreams’ and ‘Albatross’.
10 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
I feel really mean saying this but your, weird dreams, don’t impress, in any way…
10 May 2025
dr DEsperate
Had a dream last night but I forgot what it was.
10 May 2025
dr DEsperate
If you’d like to replicate the album cover experience, the buzzer wire game is available here, worryingly* described as Electric Shock Toy, with three different levels of difficulty.
*Don’t worry, it also claims to overcome inner pressure.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Generic-Electric-Education-Interactive-Christmas/dp/B0C7HBLW22?th=1
10 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
‘This was just what my wife had been looking for the aroma given was excellent’
That’s one of the two reviews. Am I missing something?
10 May 2025
brumbiscuit
I had a dream about Shania Twain last night, but it didn’t impress me much.
10 May 2025
Jacuzzi
Hello folks – felt the need to make a coupla comments re. the Asimov sleeve(s).
Nigel’s brief was ‘Exploding head’; yes there’s an obvious homage/reference to Cronenberg and ‘Scanners’. The image has been totally recreated and they are my hands (no copyright probs). It’s Asimov on the badge (it was going to be different on the CD but that didn’t happen) and the reason for the egg will be revealed when the full artwork is released. I can’t wait to hear it!!
11 May 2025
dr DEsperate
Thanks, @Jacuzzi! Looking forward to the eggsplanation.
11 May 2025
Exxo
Nice hands Steve! Love the adaptations of the phrenology heads, and by ‘collage’ I certainly wasn’t suggesting you hadn’t created the whole thing. Thanks for some of my favourite art work for the last forty-odd years.
11 May 2025
Camomile Fluck
@scoff the first three are crackers, the rest, then he came back to it for the paycheck 20 odd years later, not so much… kind of can’t help comparing with HMHB who just work on their own terms, when they’re up for it and, like a fine wine, mature and get better with age. Or am I tempting fate?
11 May 2025
Camomile Fluck
“When” they’re up for it…
11 May 2025
Camomile Fluck
Oh bollocks. Leffe.
11 May 2025
Chris The Siteowner
For those people who’ve asked if the new album is going to be available on Bandcamp (because for anyone wanting a paid-for download, that’s the way to get most money to the band), the answer from the, er, band’s camp is that they don’t know. That’s because Proper (the distributors) apparently handle this sort of thing entirely; so maybe put an enquiry their way? If there’s an answer forthcoming, do let us know.
12 May 2025
Third rate les
It’s weird to look at the artwork after a year where my son has had a big chunk of his right frontal lobe removed (the “reflective” bit in the cd artwork) and has regular MRIs.
The brain is an amazing thing. When he was operated on we were told to expect loss of memory, language, and movement. He woke up, cracked a joke, beat me at pool when we got home and won the next three pub quizzes at the Waterman’s Arms so it seems ok for the moment.
He’s autistic too – I mean actually autistic, not the modern definition meaning “someone who reads books” – and we suspect may be better than most at using different parts of his brain, or simply never used that part much. The reality is that although phrenology is pure guesswork, there’s a lot we don’t know about how brains work. Mrs Les is a teaching professor of both physiology and psychology so it’s better placed than most to explain, although with gliomas, to be honest it’s best not to know.
Will probably keep the cd out of sight.
12 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
That’s incredibly fascinating. The brain is mystifyingly complex. I have something which has perplexed me since I was about ten. I don’t know if it’s a malfunction in my olfactory gubbins or something in my brain, but about once, maybe twice a year I get an incredibly musty, dusty smell high up in my nose. It isn’t something that actually exists in my surrounding environment. It happens about every fifteen minutes for a few seconds over the course of about 24 hours. When it happens I have a strange feeling of déjà vu, like I’m a split second away from figuring out where I know the smell from. Then just as I’m about to figure it out, the smell goes, the déjà vu feeling goes and I can’t even remember what the smell was like. If it starts when I’m asleep it is strong enough to intercept my dreams, where it becomes even more vivid and usually accompanied by a conversation between two people. Again, as I’m just about to figure out where I know the conversation from the entire feeling disappears.
12 May 2025
EXXO
In terms of complexity of science, unknowns, exploring new frontiers and boldly going, and of course sheer difficulty of job, I always thought this sketch should have been the other way around, and should have had the brain surgeon as a quiet, kind unassuming chap, just listening all along, who would finally reveal himself after provocation from the rocket scientist’s arrogance.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THNPmhBl-8I
12 May 2025
EXXO
So this week there’s a lot more prospect of hearing a track played:
Steve Lamacq 4-7pm today only 7/1 first play
Rhys Mwn 7-9pm tonight 5/4 first play
Gideon Coe 9-11 Mon-Thursday. 6/5 first play
(overround 112%)
12 May 2025
EXXO
Which reminds me, if you’re wondering why Radio Merseyside is not on the list, we forgot to mourn the end of Mandy’s show after 46 years:
https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/ex-bbc-radio-merseyside-show-31332818
There’s also internet radio of course. I suppose in theory Neil Crud could play a track tonight on Louder than War Radio at the same time as Gideon Coe. But that’s a different sport really, and I’ll leave it to the any other bookies prepared to take a risk.
12 May 2025
EXXO
The above over-round is of course more like 102%. Meant to make Gideon Coe the 5/6 favourite, then it’s 112%.
12 May 2025
dr DEsperate
Re the relative job difficulty of brain surgeons v rocket scientists: I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been a rocket scientist.
12 May 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Steve Lamacq opened his post on air to find the HMHB CD (“Thanks Nigel”) and promised to play something on next Monday’s show (19 May).
12 May 2025
EXXO
Maybe he was prompted to search through his CD/LP-shaped items more avidly than usual ‘cos of my email asking him if he’d got it yet.
12 May 2025
EXXO
With that promise, Lammo’s odds of being first play are cut to 3/1. Rhys Mwn tonight 6/4, Gid Coe any time this week 5/4, Maconie on next Sunday’s freak zone 25/1
12 May 2025
dr DEsperate
The Freak Zone’s recorded in advance (Uncle Mac didn’t know on Saturday that his John Barry special had been broadcast the Sunday before), so his odds might be a bit longer.
12 May 2025
EXXO
Punters are reacting to nothing being mentioned at the start of Rhys Mwn, and perhaps realising he plays very few English artists really, so the odds on Coe giving first play any time this week are tumbling. Now 8/11.
12 May 2025
Scoff Cruddle
Great news from the lads. So far all the links for purchasing the new album seem to be for physical meedja. Is there going to be a release on Bandcamp too? For those of us who don’t really collect physical CDs any more, and also don’t want to pay stupid postage from the UK to NZ?
Obviously would like to give Nige and the boys some coin, but really don’t need a CD.
Also, hello to the other Scoff that has appeared!
(See #163 above – CtSO)
12 May 2025
The harbinger of nothing
First play of a new song on Riley & Coe right now
12 May 2025
warden Hodges
Ah the bliss. cheers.
12 May 2025
EXXO
Woohoo! Three tracks into Gideon’s show we get ‘The Bliss of the Hereafter,’ referencing 1970s Trophy Bitter ads and the Baring straits.
12 May 2025
The harbinger of nothing
‘Twas, to quote Gideon, “The Blues of the Hereafter”
12 May 2025
EXXO
Bering Strait of course. Singular. Affricate final /t/ again. No /s/. C’mon then.
12 May 2025
EXXO
I have to remind myself that when I was blubbing away listening to the streams of ‘Voltarol’ after midnight on release day in Feb ’22, it wasn’t just about how special & moving ‘Oblong’ & ‘Escort’ were, or how fab ‘Persian Rug Sale’ or ‘Suffolk Ditch’ were, but it was also an element of sheer relief about how much better they were than what I termed then, off the cuff, as “the skiffly ones that Gideon Coe had played.”
12 May 2025
Cream Cheese and Chives
In the light of the Whitbread big head refrain I am hoping that there may be a mention of Gerald Sinstadt or Hugh Johns on the album.
12 May 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Whitbread Trophy Bitter advert:
https://youtu.be/6n1hQdCdCP8
12 May 2025
dr DEsperate
With rumours circulating of a gig at Camden Electric Ballroom next April, we are reminded, are we not, of the gig there in Jan ’23 where Beth Tweddle was spotted in the crowd: “Any time with those step ladders (not trestle table), Beth”.
12 May 2025
paul f
@Exxo (182) – I know what you mean. I think it was Something’s Rotten in the Back of Iceland that I first heard on the radio from 90 B(C) – unless my memory is playing even more tricks on me than usual – and that would come fairly low down my rankings for the album.
13 May 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Just a reminder that all transcriptions of the lyrics to the new songs will be rewarded by a credit on the site, as ever. Just email them over to chris@chrisrand.com . I probably won’t post any songs on the site until after the album is released, however.
13 May 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Tracks out in the wild (1)
The Bliss of the Hereafter was played on the BBC’s “Riley & Coe” on 12 May, which can be found here on BBC Sounds. The track is played at 6 min 45 secs into the show.
13 May 2025
John Anderson
All of our songs sound the same:
“There’ll be bubbles on the surface of the Bering Strait”
“Giving it the big ‘un in the Town End seats”
13 May 2025
dr DEsperate
The Wirral Bikeathon takes place on Sunday 8th June, the day after the Half-Marathon. It follows part of the Oblong of Dreams route (but in the opposite direction). The album’s release date will be five days after.
14 May 2025
Exxo
If there was an ‘Oblong’ route it would be a similar shape to the “family” version of the Wirral Bikeathon route, that’s all, but it would be much longer. The WB route passes close to only 1 of the 8 or 9 identifiable locations in ‘Oblong’ (Caldy Hill). If we join those locations with the best cycling route, the WB route might cover approx 12% of it, depending on whether you mean most direct or most enjoyable.
The half-marathon running route would be less frustrating ‘cos it at least passes the Leasowe light, twice.
Having felt obliged to hand back my epaulettes for strategic incompetence down in Sussex, don’t think this disqualifies me from Wirralian pedantry.
14 May 2025
Borough surveyor
Just listened to The Bliss of Thereafter on 6music. Love the line “Gassing at the gate”. A nod to my second love, Bristol football perhaps. Gassing at the gate, to me at least, is when the inevitable ‘Goodnight Irene, it was only a dream’ message on a painted blanket gets displayed somewhere near to Ashton Gate by some Gashead wags after yet another failure by billionaire funded 1982ers in a rare play-off push (almost inevitably as a juvenile reaction to relegation to the basement, since this gap is bound to be pointed out by one of the many OTIB post-Lansdown era ‘ultras’)
But then perhaps it’s just me….
14 May 2025
The harbinger of nothing
McCalliog And His Hens on Gideon now
14 May 2025
Exxo
Fucking brilliant. NB finally takes a proper swipe at the maverick detective genre. And well played Gideon for trying get folks to invest in a hard copy to find out more about the chickens and the egg as hinted at by the artist himself
14 May 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Tracks out in the wild (2)
McCalliog and His Hens
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m002brc3 at 1hr 51mins…
15 May 2025
scoff cruddle
Lots of acoustic guitar on the tracks played so far. Is this an indication that the new album is going to be more ‘song-based’?
15 May 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Tom Cruise‘s Mission: Impossible, The Final Reckoning may well be the biggest movie at the box office when the album comes out – and in one of the big set-pieces there may well be bubbles on the surface of the Bering Strait, it seems.
15 May 2025
Alex
Genuinely a very funny track: another that could only havd been written by one man.
‘Who put away the maniac who was re-arranging gnomes?’
Wondering if a little inspiration provided by Gerry Anderson’s Four Feather Falls and the powers given to the Sheriff’s horse and dog.
15 May 2025
Cream cheese and chives
I seem to recall that NB said that it was Neil who had suggested making Big Man Upfront all very spaghetti western. Listening to McCalliog and His Friends, it sounds to me as though Neil may have made the same suggestion. Top sound.
I had hoped against hope that the song may have been about the ex Scottish footballer, but knew it wouldn’t be. A song about Duncan Ferguson and his pigeons might have legs though.
15 May 2025
Paul f
I popped my earphones in to listen to this in our big open plan London office where I have had to come for the day, and when the chicken noises came in towards the end, despite the name and theme of the song, I very briefly looked around to see where the noise was coming from.
15 May 2025
Transit full of Keith
I could imagine Nick Park and Aardman doing a very good McCalliog and His Hens adaptation.
15 May 2025
Paul f
That bit in the recent Guardian reader Q&A with Duncan Ferguson about his pigeon loft is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time.
15 May 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
Brightened up my morning hearing that, and I’ve taken advantage of a gap between meetings to do a quick transcript of the lyrics and email them to CtSO.
I’m glad I didn’t have a mouthful of tea or coffee when I first heard the “summoned by bills” line in “Bliss of Hereafter”!
15 May 2025
parsfan
@CC&C if I could have got the hens right before I gave up last week, tomorrow’s t-shirt would have shown Jim McCalliog scoring the third and winning goal at Wembley in ’67.
I thought it unlikely but it was going to be the only opportunity to wear it in all innocence. Now kind of glad I never finished it.
15 May 2025
Persian rug vendor
I heard Gideon Coe play “Bliss of Hereafter”, it felt very melancholic, like a man on the verge of packing it in, I do hope not.
15 May 2025
Alex
Album now available to pre-order on Itunes (for those of us who buy the CD but no longer have a CD player). ‘Horror Clowns Are Dickheads’ available to play now.
16 May 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Thanks Alex.
Tracks out in the wild (3)
Horror Clowns are Dickheads is also now on the band’s YouTube channel here.
16 May 2025
dr DEsperate
The band have a YouTube channel?
(They do – all the songs are on it. I assume it was put together and is being maintained by the distributors, it certainly wouldn’t have been the band wot done it! – CtSO)
16 May 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
I heard ‘McCalliog’ yesterday but have decided not to deliberately listen to any more new songs until the album comes out. Your mileage (chart) may vary.
16 May 2025
Ian Wolf
A look at the Amazon listing for the album shows that “No-one Likes a Polymath” lists an extra featured artist, Matilda Hodge.
16 May 2025
Alex
There is a young violinist (amongst other talents) of that name in Liverpool. Can’t imagine there’s too many with that name in the area.
16 May 2025
EXXO
I do hope it’s a waltz.
16 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
I was going to wait for the album but just listened to Horror Clowns are Dickheads. Laughed out loud at the ‘if you’ve got a phobia of them’ line. Also is this a radio edit? I feel like ‘Fuzzy Head’ could have an alternative which would be more pleasing to belt out at the top of your lungs.
16 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Not that I’m complaining. I haven’t found a single HMHb lyric which isn’t bliss.
16 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
In fact the gripe I can think of is the line ‘Slow Dempsey of Woodside Farm’. I always say ‘Makepeace Farm’ by mistake.
16 May 2025
dr DEsperate
Matilda Hodge is also a LIPA (q v)- trained Sound Engineer.
16 May 2025
Richie
Is there going to be an official digital release or is it physical only?
16 May 2025
paul f
@The Tutor, it does sound like a bit of out-of-character self-censorship.
16 May 2025
EXXO
I thought maybe “footy head” had become a nasty new one for someone whose head seems ripe for a kickaround.
16 May 2025
EXXO
(I mean that’s what I thought first time listening on a risible device, not that’s what I think the lyric is – I realised after a while that Pennywise has fuzzy hair). Agree that self-censorship is unlikely given the title.
16 May 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
@Richie #217: Yes, downloads are available too. 7digital used to be mp3 only (although I can’t really tell the difference) but now seem to be offering everything in flac. Or there’s Qobuz, which you can pre-order from already. Had a look on Apple Music but can’t work out if you can download or if it’s streaming only.
16 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Not that I’m comparing them but The Macc Lads would often drop in a lyric which you were certain was going to be an expletive, but then it would be something benign to throw you off guard.
16 May 2025
Exxo
It’s a cheap comedic device that I used to do on an almost weekly basis when I was the 606 “footy poet.”
NB has never done it.
16 May 2025
D list paul ross
Ali Bongo’s good at…contortionism is similar but not quite the same.
16 May 2025
MULDOON LIVES!
On a similar theme to crime solving hens, the show “Gravity Falls” had a Ducktective.
16 May 2025
Nick Walters
I know quite a few people who are scared of clowns. Coulrophobia. It’s a perfectly legitimate phobia I mean people are scared of weird things like beards. I don’t think it makes them dickheads.
And also I don’t expect Nigel has seen the Terrifier films. Art The Clown is not a dickhead. He kicks Pennywise ass. He is not not remotely scary. In fact he is the perfect role model.
Cool song anyway.
16 May 2025
Jono
A propos of pretty much nothing, my son’s 17 year old friend has just come round and was telling us all about the interviews he’s been having with local retailers. His Aldi video-call was a nightmare but apparently, and I quote, “the Farmfoods phone call went really well”. I can die happy now.
16 May 2025
Stringy Bob
I’m hoping Pennywise do a cover of the opening track.
16 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Jono. That’s brilliant. I hope you were in the vestibule when he said it.
17 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Nick. I think it’s more a statement on how the Horror Clown trend ballooned (excuse the pun) over social media. For a spell you couldn’t move on YouTube for Horror Clown prankster people videos. I haven’t seen any of the Terrifier films. For me Tim Curry’s Pennywise is the first thing I think of where scary clowns are concerned. He was much scarier than the spider thing at the end of IT. I remember being a bit disappointed how they merely booted it to death. I thought there’d be a bit more ceremony to it. I suppose it’s a bit mean to call anyone a dickhead for their phobias, but some are genuinely funny, like the ‘Bring on the olives!’ Woman.
17 May 2025
Nick Walters
Yeah fair enough, horror clowns are mostly crap. And if you find them scary then perhaps you are a knobhead!
Phobias are another matter you can’t really help them but I’ll give Nigel the benefit of the doubt because it’s such a great song..How magnanimous of me.
I love the Terrifier films.. The extreme gore is way beyond anything in any other film. Art the Clown is my role model.
Have to say I am loving them all the horror and science fiction references cropping up in this album!
And yes I am a Doctor Who aficionado.
17 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Ooh. Have you ever seen Peter Jackson’s Braindead? I think that’s the goriest (yet funny) thing I’ve ever seen.
17 May 2025
Nick Walters
Oh yes. . Love that – so insanely over the top! Much better than his tedious LOTR films.
17 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Oh, agreed. And to a lesser extent Bad Taste (which took eight years to make!) Back on the subject of the lads rarely substituting a lyric for one you would expect, I’ve just realised that with Horror Clowns I fully expected Nigel to start singing on bar 17, but then it did the little Doo-Doo, Doo-Doo bit to keep you on your toes and make you remember to whom the song belongs.
17 May 2025
Nick Walters
I went to see the new Final Destination film last night and pretty good it was too and before it there was a trailer for a new movie called Clown In A Cornfield.
It was a textbook example of what Nigel is singing about. Not remotely scary!
I’ll probably go in to see it though because I go and see any old shite.
17 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Haha. That does sound textbook. The cornfield conjures up images of farmageddon.
17 May 2025
BATWALKER
I haven’t ben here in a while and so have just found out about this news, when Horror Clowns Are Dickheads appeared on my Spotify Release Radar. Spotify may be evil, but they have their uses.
17 May 2025
Old tige
Any clues yet as to which track is the Christmas song?
17 May 2025
dr DEsperate
Not suggesting an influence, oh no, but it struck me on Friday that the lyrics to ‘Dickheads’ bore slight resemblance to those of Ian Dury’s ‘Blockheads’:
“Horror Clowns are dickheads,
You know it’s true,
And if you’ve got a phobia of them
You’re a dickhead too”, and:
“Why bother at all about Blockheads?
Why should you care what they do?
‘Cos after all is said and done
You’re all Blockheads too!”
18 May 2025
dr DEsperate
Listening to RadMac this morning, who’ve just thanked Nigel for sending them a copy of the new album. They read out a few of the more radio-friendly song titles and a snippet of lyrics from ‘Record Store Day’, which they promised to play over the next couple of weeks.
18 May 2025
He of the oblong
Following on from Dr Desperate, Radcliffe mentioned ‘Record Store Day’ which he loved for the line “Well, I do like to re-release me B sides”
18 May 2025
Exxo
Yes, Maconie’s world class ‘shoehorn’ was very much appreciated by connoisseurs at about 8.35am, when Air’s contribution to the (Chelsea) flower-themed RadMac show, ‘Cherry Blossom Time,’ led to the notion of a potential shoe-polish-themed show, which brought in mention of ‘Whiteness, Thy Name is Meltonian,’ and thence to the new HMHB platter,
Much Monty Don conversation ensued under their Chelsea Flower Show theme umbrella. Which brought back memories all too soon from Friday night in Ulverston, a “she’s not with me” moment (and she really wasn’t), when a drunkard right next to me was regaling NB with her less than coherent ravings about the horticultural superstars, prompted by NB’s mention of Alan Titchmarsh’s hard drive. It felt like the bemused looks of the band really were half-focused on me in a “is she with you?” sort of way. Have I mentioned that she wasn’t?
18 May 2025
Isaac knowitall
It’s ’Cherry Blossom Girl’.
18 May 2025
Alex
Fabulous line quoted from ‘Record Store Day’.
Despite their love of including soccer chants, I hold out little hope that the second line after will be ‘Eff Off West Brom’ (or ‘McMahon for those who frequented Goodison in the 80s).
18 May 2025
Nick Walters
That lyric reminds me of The Style Council, 1988, ‘I Do Like To B Side the A Side’.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LckHcvbuOaA
A groovy Mick Talbot instrumental.
18 May 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
There’s also a line in the B-side to Morris Minor and the Majors’* 1987 novelty hit ‘Stutter Rap’, which goes “Oh the A-side should be beside the B-side”.
*Tony Hawks** and a couple of mates.
**The guy who went round Ireland with a fridge, not the professional skateboarder, who must despair.
18 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
The skateboarder is Tony Hawk. See also Mary Hopkin, teehee.
18 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Sorry. See what you did there. Ignore me.
18 May 2025
Pirx The Purist
‘2(b) B Side The C Side’, the B-side of B.A. Robertson’s 1979 hit ‘Bang Bang’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8apeXisLRn0
18 May 2025
Pirx The Purist
Oh, and he also did a song called simply ‘The B Side’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3KULVl7XJk
18 May 2025
dr DEsperate
A Factory Sample (FAC-2), the first vinyl recording to be released by Factory (q v), was a double split single (q v) featuring Joy Division (q v), The Durutti Column, John Dowie and Cabaret Voltaire. The four sides were labelled Side A (Aside), Side B (Beside), Side C (Seaside) and Side D (Decide).
19 May 2025
dr DEsperate
I agree self-censorship is unlikely in HCAD (see posts 213 – 224).
The same is probably true of the surname of the composer of Entry of the Gladiators as used in the song’s middle eight, Julius Fučík.
19 May 2025
Ian Wolf
An official art track video for Horror Clowns are Dickheads is now on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apYwBHKkhdM
19 May 2025
Chris The Siteowner
That’s interesting – I think it’s the same video as was uploaded last week, on the same (“official”) channel, but it seems to have replaced last week’s in any listing of videos on the channel that I can see …without the original video having been deleted (I think it’s merely been delisted).
19 May 2025
rowzee2209
Desperate for a Devil’s Arse ticket or two – can’t believe I’ve failed so miserably this time around – on the waiting list in vain hope – any ideas. Miserable of Sheffield.
19 May 2025
EXXO
9.30 pm Riley played GS,HS.
19 May 2025
Ian Wolf
Just listened to GS,HS – loved it, especially the intro.
19 May 2025
EXXO
Anyone one pick anywhere near Mansfield in the bingo?
19 May 2025
Ian wolf
Link to BBC Sounds for GS,HS. Starts at 30:28.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m002c0g5
20 May 2025
John Anderson
@Ian Wolf – I reckon they’re channelling Big Country on that intro.
20 May 2025
paul f
“Which Big Country song?”
“All of them.”
…is how this conversation would have gone if not for the fact that I quite like a bit of Big Country.
20 May 2025
Quantocks checker outer
Was at UEA in the late 80’s and Big Country was one of the best gigs I’ve ever been to, there or anywhere else. Lots of decent bands used to like to start their tours at UEA apparently so it generally punched above it’s weight as a venue back then.
20 May 2025
John Anderson
I saw Big Country in about 1985 and they were a good live band. It helped that virtually all of their songs at that time were anthemic in style. The debut album The Crossing is worth a spin if you haven’t already.
20 May 2025
IAN WOLF
Spotfiy is currently listing Horror Clowns are Dickheads as HMHB’s third most popular track. I’m not sure how they measure this, given that currently it’s listed with just over 9,000 plays while 4th placed Trumpton Riots has over 772,000. Also interesting that it lists Horrow Clowns as being explict, but not National Shite Day.
20 May 2025
brumbiscuit
@QCO: Iwas also at UEA in the late-80s. EUR.
I saw quite a few bands there too. A memorable one was the Bhundu Boys, when the lead singer fell out with the band and drowned his sorrows in the Grads Bar. I still go back & saw Gogol Bordello there last year.
20 May 2025
Quantocks checker outer
Am also now remembering the time I, for reasons unfathomable, decided that today was the day I would go in dressed in full 80’s pastels casual – powder blue pleated trousers, nice grandad shirt and Morrissey style baggy cardigan. Only as the day wore on I realised this was the day of the Motorhead gig to which I had a ticket. With no time to go home I styled it out at the concert, and despite looking rather out of place, in truth nobody really gave me much of a second glance, my fears were unfounded.
20 May 2025
Quantocks checker outer
@Brumbiscuit – good times! I was Law 86-89. Reconnected during COVID with my old uni girlfriend who now works there in an admin role so I kind of feel a link to the old place but haven’t been back for a long time.
20 May 2025
Transit full of Keith
Hearing three tracks early is my limit I think. Going to puritanically avoid listening to this latest one, and 6 Music in general, until release day I think.
20 May 2025
EXXO
The early eighties Norwich scene & the gigs you got at UEA were certainly the envy of other students in towns not that far away. Always used to hope that when Liverpool played in Norwich there would be a decent gig in the evening and that I might just about make the last train back after, but there never was. London was easier. But watching L’pool lose at Carrow Rd in Dec ’82 inspired me to go back for a couple of gigs there in the weeks and months that followed, incl Bunnymen Jan or Feb ’83. Also went to a big ‘Norwich scene’ gig in London, about Dec ’83, Higsons, Farmers Boys et al.
Then in early 1985, political activity brought an uneasy alliance with Norwich’s formidable hard core punk scene. A real eye opener.
20 May 2025
Quantocks checker outer
@Exxo – re your last point and as a first year law student we had to go and sit in on a court case and report back – I went to watch Stephen William Bragg (full names of course) with others, up before the beak at Norwich Mags, he having been arrested as part of the Snowball campaign (anyone remember that?) – I think it was cutting wires on the perimeter fences of the numerous US air bases in the county. Found guilty but I have no recollection of his sentence (some jokes may here be inserted – banned from ever singing again etc.). Also, yes by the sound of it we were very lucky with the band scene compared to the other East Anglian uni as was at the time.
20 May 2025
EXXO
Ha, yes, you have correctly surmised the genre of political activity I was referring to. The plod were so incompetent that I tended to get off, including during that campaign the time I was up before Peterborough magistrates with a certain HMHB-referenced supposed “comedian.”
[Looks like I might yet win the race with Brumbiscuit to complete our entire autobiographies via random snippets on this site. Apologies.]
20 May 2025
EXXO
As mentioned before, my g/f at that time, who always stopped just short of illegal activity for future career reasons, is now a supreme court justice. Unsurprising to see her now at the centre of historic decisions about gender rights, etc.
20 May 2025
Quantocks checker outer
Well it is a small world * isn’t it – we’re all seemingly connected on here by one vaguely tenuous reason or another. Lovely stuff.
* But I wouldn’t want to paint it (© Steven Wright)
20 May 2025
dr DEsperate
The big-nosed balladeer and eight others took part in the Snowball anti-nuclear protest at Bawburgh in (?)1987, at which they set out to use hacksaws to cut one strand each of the bunker’s perimeter wire.
Prosecution counsel dubbed it ‘Carry On Protesting’, as the police ran short of officers to make arrests.
20 May 2025
Quantocks checker outer
1987 would be right on the money for the prosecution I sat in on. I suppose fair play to BB (and Exxo by the sound of it) who walked the walk as well as talking the talk.
20 May 2025
Ian wolf
Another track just got played on Riley & Coe – “I’m Going Out Of My Mind Trying To Get Into Yours” was the second song played on tonight’s show.
20 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
My VERY tenuous link with EXXO is that I starred, for one morning, on ABC radio Tasmania in 1993. I performed a terrible impression of Barney Gumble and I even recited some poetry. I was eleven. The one and only time anyone let me near a microphone at five in the morning. Oh, and Des Barnes from Corrie once held a door open for me as I walked along with a set of ladders. I’ve only listened to HCAD. I like TFOK’s abstinence and will endeavour to mimic him. And I should really buy the albums I haven’t got, but this is really exciting.
20 May 2025
No chips allowed
@the tutor with…did Des Barnes from Corrie open a door for you because you were carrying loft ladders or, were they everyday, run of the mill ladders with rungs and things? Was there a tin of custard in the vicinity? Always thought ladders a lot like Polo, the mint with the hole. Though, on reflection, the hole isn’t round and, as far as I know, ladders don’t taste of mint. Our Martin would know.
21 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
They were normal ladders. There was no custard, as this happened in the gymnasium of the Midland hotel in Manchester and custard would probably have been prohibited. And I can see now that ladders are like lots of polos stuck together in a line.
21 May 2025
dr DEsperate
@Exxo re your Snowball wire-sawing activities: when you appeared together in court at Peterborough did the “comedian” ask for several other fences to be taken into consideration?
21 May 2025
MULDOON LIVES!
“Don’t eat the rind if it’s covered in spores” advises Nigel in “I’m going out of my mind” Has he been watching The Last of Us?
21 May 2025
Ian Wolf
@Muldoon Lives! Judging by it I think he has just been reading a rhyming dictionary.
For those who haven’t heard the track yet, here’s a link. It start at the 3:02/3:03 mark.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m002c0m7
21 May 2025
John Anderson
Aside from the odd shortening of the song title, the rhyming scheme seems to be A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A
21 May 2025
Johnny Kwango
Like the noise you make when the doctor is checking your throat for an infection.
21 May 2025
EXXO
Every line also rhymes internally with the title line, so you can see it as rough heptameters of ABAB, or rough fourteeners which contain the internal A rhymes in mid-line and actually the final rhyme of each line is BBBBBBBBBBBBBB, if you like.
There is no real name for this as it’s so rare.
21 May 2025
EXXO
To say that I have my issues with Gideon Coe’s eclecticism would be putting it mildly, but I did retrospectively enjoy him opening his show with The Chantelle’s ‘Out of my Mind,’ to precede the first play of ‘I’m Going out of my Mind (Trying to Get into Yours).’
21 May 2025
Johnny kwango
@CtSO
As songs from the latest (as yet formally unreleased) album are already being picked apart, is it time to update the site’s subheading:
220 Pop Songs Picked Over By Pedants
?
Yours in pedantry,
JK
(Naaa, not until they get their own pages, after release date – CtSO)
21 May 2025
John Anderson
@Exxo I had noticed that internal rhyming scheme within each line and it’s very clever, but I had no idea how to define or describe it.
21 May 2025
Ian Wolf
@Exxo It looks like it is called a “monorhyme”.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monorhyme
21 May 2025
exxo
I meant there’s no name for this particular scheme with the internal rhyme (mind, find, grind, maligned, rind, aligned, designed etc) as well, but only two rhyming sounds in the whole thing. Trust me, I’ve checked. We could perhaps coin ‘duorhyme,’ or ‘internal duo-monorhyme.’
And ladies rolled their eyes.
21 May 2025
dr DEsperate
A monorhyme, as the name suggests, has but a single rhyme (AAAAAAAA, as in ‘Left Lyrics in the Practice Room’).
The scheme with paired rhymes (ABABABABABABABAB, as in ‘I’m Going…’) has been referred to as a twin-rhymer, but only by the online poet who invented it.
21 May 2025
exxo
Invented, shmimvented. Nothing new under the sun, but everything specific’s a sub-division of some other category of thing, so not everything has an official name, yet.
21 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
What are the gigs like? Are the set lists quite varied or do they tend to focus on songs from a particular album after its release?
21 May 2025
EXXO
New material tends to be worked in very gradually, as the band only get to practise together once a week max. You might get 2 or 3 from the new album at the next gig, 4 or 5 by the time it’s been out a few months, just depending on how well they think things will go down. Gigs have anything between a 25% and 50% turnover from one to the next, because the band want to keep it fresh for them & us.
Part of the motivation of starting the ‘Fantasy Biscuitball’ prediction contest for gigs was simply to make another “look at how amazing this band are” statement to the world – you simply could not do it with any other band (that I know of).
21 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
No, probably not. I will have to attend one eventually, but I’m nervous about turning up alone and none of my mates like HMHB, which is a gift and a curse. I was prepared to attend one alone when I was convinced my wife was going to get me tickets for my 40th, but she booked me on a blacksmithing course instead.
21 May 2025
Neil
@THE TUTOR…
That sounds more interesting to me.
21 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Neil. It was bloody hard graft and I have quite a physical job. Beforehand I Imagined falling in love with it and quitting work to become a smithy. After making a Damascus steel knife for two days and falling asleep eating my tea, I decided I’m better off staying put, haha.
21 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Also, while I’m pestering you all, would there happen to be a decent website for HMHB track bass tablature? You’d struggle to find any HMHB tabs on most mainstream bass tab websites. I’ve taught myself lots of the bass (The Coroner’s Footnote is my favourite and really satisfying to play) but I struggle hearing bridge parts sometimes and would love to know the tabs for full songs.
21 May 2025
EXXO
Chuckling here, Tutes. You realise you just had a conversation with the HMHB bassist?
21 May 2025
MULDOON LIVES!
Riding on the good vibes of “Horror Clowns” I watched Clown in a Cornfield, I wasn’t afraid but the fact I watched it makes me a dickhead too.
21 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
The thought briefly crossed my mind but figured it was more likely an alias. And my face is now a beautiful shade of crimson. Erm, massive fan obviously Neil. Trying very hard not to gush.
21 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
What with me not being a tutor and not being able to grow a decent beard… or having polio.
21 May 2025
NEIL
@EXXO
Can’t even remember the song never mind the bass line.
21 May 2025
NEiL
@THE TUTOR
Wish I could help you with the notes, but until we decide to play it live and I have to listen to it, I haven’t got a clue.
21 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Neil. Yep. No worries whatsoever. I’m hoping my own head might explode now. Thanks for many years of musical enjoyment.
21 May 2025
NEIL
@THE TUTOR
Anyway, I wouldn’t worry about going to a gig on your own as there are plenty of folk on this site who would look after you.
21 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Neil. That’s lovely to know. It’s nice talking with people about HMHB instead of me talking AT them, and it confirms my thoughts that HMHB fans must be the salt of the earth.
21 May 2025
Cheryl
I would definitely second that one. Lovely bunch of bananas, each and every one of us. Don’t be worrisome and don’t be wary Tutor..
21 May 2025
ISAAC KNOWITALL
@“Tutes” I don’t think I’ve ever shoed a horse.
21 May 2025
Brumbiscuit
Wolverhampton still had tickets last time I looked. That’s usually a very sociable affair, starting off at the Great Western and moving on. If it’s not too far for you, get it booked and you’ll be fine…
21 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Well, that’s being a farrier. My dad always says ‘Never, I mean EVER call a farrier a blacksmith.’ Thankfully the occasion has never cropped up, but one lives in fear.
21 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
And you’re lovely people. If any of you are Half Man Half Mandolin, you’re also great. And I’ll shut up.
21 May 2025
No chips allowed
@the tutor with (or without), I’m sure you’ve realised by now that we here are all raving lunatics. However, we are, in the main, relatively nice raving lunatics. If you like the songs take the plunge and seek out a gig. These magical musical events are almost always fun. Most biscuiteers are friendly people. Everyone is very welcoming and someone will always strike up a HMHB related conversation. Just start by mentioning any small settlement in the UK.
21 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@NCA. I think I’ll have to now. If you see anyone walking around, banging on about how Coppull was one of the first places to have the spinning Jenny, odds on it’s me.
22 May 2025
paul f
I bought a dog from a blacksmith once. I’d only had him home for 5 minutes when he made a bolt for the door.
I’ll get me coat.
22 May 2025
Ian Wolf
On Spotify Horror Clowns is now listed has HMHB’s most popular track. Currently has just under 15,000 streams.
22 May 2025
IRISH NIALL
@The Tutor: You won’t regret making yerself known to folks. Very welcoming gang. For years I made the mistake of rockin’ up on my own and slinking off into the night afterwards without saying boo to anyone -to my own loss. Actually that’s not entirely true. I’d a nice chat with Geoff in Leeds in 2005 and again a decade later in Holmfirth …and there was the time in between I bumped into Ash from The Frank & Walters in Kentish Town and we ended up on the batter in Camden afterwards. But you get my point.
On matters smithery -I’d a dream recently I was a contestant on Forged In Fire where Will Willis announced me as their first Irish contestant AND first to have zero years experience in forging -with all my knowledge of the process gleaned from watching episodes of Forged In Fire. I was nonetheless confident and balls-out declaring in a somewhat patronising affected hillybilly accent that I was “cookin’ me up some 128-layer damascus jelly roll!”
I must try and dream how I got on.
22 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Niall. I do get your point and will try to say hello without being overbearing and tedious. I think I’ve managed to cajole my wife into coming. She apologised for not getting me tickets for my 40th and I explained I just got it jn my head. She can appreciate HMHB, she’s just not quite as obsessive as I am.
That dream sounds great. Funnily enough, when I’d made my knife someone asked me (I know it isn’t Will Willis) ‘Will it keel?’ And having not seen Forged in fire i hadn’t the slightest idea what they were on about. I have seen some now and would be reasonable confident presenting my knife for inspection.
Hope you do well in the follow up dream.
22 May 2025
dic aberdaron
so this will be her Bladderwrack Allowance
22 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Dic. Quite possibly, although she’s been to way, way more gigs than I have. If anything I’m the subject of Bladderwrack Allowance in our relationship regarding pretty much every band other than HMHB.
22 May 2025
dic aberdaron
classic ;)
22 May 2025
rObin yotts
‘Alexa – play ‘Monmore, hares running by HMHB’ ‘I can’t find that but here are other songs by HMHB’ …… including ‘Horror Clowns…..! Alexa, you’re so now!
22 May 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
To drag the blacksmithing tangent even further out, I always tell people that blacksmiths make things out of iron, while farriers shoe horses; back in the days when villages couldn’t afford both one man had to do the same job!
I did a year’s smithing course down at Hereford and was briefly self-employed after that, but it didn’t work out for various reasons. I still do have the kit and get it out from time to time for a bash, though these days it’s vying with guitar building for my scarce free time. Might fit a bit in this weekend and finish off the marking knife I started last time the hearth was lit, then I can use it to accurately mark up the fret slot locations on the in-progress telecaster fretboard…
22 May 2025
Cheryl
I just tried that and got Midnight Mass Murder…
22 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Prof. Ooh. You are a completely different creature altogether from a Smithy or a Farrier. You are a Luthier. Or a combination of Smithy and a Luthier if you are using tools you’ve made to make your guitar.
23 May 2025
dr DEsperate
Dictionaries have a smithy as the term for the workshop of a smith, though the two are often confused. My favourite example was in ‘Gavin & Stacey’, when Gavin was attempting to console his friend Smithy (as previously established here, one of the four Neils in the programme) and abbreviated his nickname to ‘Smith’.
23 May 2025
Floreat ultonia
Love the new stuff thanks all for posting
23 May 2025
EXXO
So the Prof is a smoothier, rather than a smoothy?
Hadn’t heard of that ‘Forged in Fire,’ before. Just checked a clip or three on the Tube, and sure enough it’s the most American thing I have ever seen.
23 May 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
That’s got to be one of the stranger things I’ve ever been called, and I’ve been called a lot of things in my time (“batshit crazy” remains one of my favourites).
23 May 2025
Iain
Where can I download it whilst avoiding international dickheads?
24 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Dr Desperate. I’ve been trying to think of why ‘Smithy’ sounded correct for the person and not the workshop, for me, and realised I’ve quoted George Clooney from ‘O brother, where art thou?’ on many occasions.
‘Say, any of you boys smithies? Or, if not smithies per se, were you otherwise trained in the metallurgic arts before straitened circumstances forced you into a life of aimless wanderin’?
24 May 2025
Old tige
Yes Tutor go to a gig. It helps even more if you go meet the regulars at the pub beforehand. I’m a relative newcomer, and traveled from a distant land, and tend to make hyperbolic pronouncements, and despite all that they welcomed me right in. After the show you’ll probably get a friendly hello from Neil.
24 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@ Old Tige. We have booked tickets for the 02 Ritz, Manchester. And you can’t beat a good hyperbolic comment. I have particular love for the word ‘hyperbole’ because my wife, for years, thought it was pronounced like ‘superbowl’. It’s one of the few times she’s proved she’s actually human. I scoffed when I found out, but she got me back when we were observing soldiers being repatriated through Wootton Bassett and I foolishly asked why so many soldiers were from that town.
I love your ‘distant land’ remark. All I can think is Narnia.
25 May 2025
dr DEsperate
RadMac still haven’t played a track off AAANFA, but Mac made mention of Horror Clowns this morning, describing it as very very funny, and Rad promised that they would play RSD soon (hopefully before the next one in November).
25 May 2025
Chris The Siteowner
AFAIK Steve Lamacq hasn’t played anything yet, despite opening the envelope with the his copy of the album live on air, and promising he’d play something. So hats off to Gideon and Marc Riley.
25 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
I was hoping Liza Tarbuck might have played something last night.
25 May 2025
Ian Wolf
@Chris I think Steve Lamacq was too busy with the tape I sent him. Now if you excuse me, I need to put stickers on my guitar.
25 May 2025
Old tige
@Tutor Right on. I have tickets for Manchester myself. See you at the pub! Hope they choose the Pev, but I’ll go wherever I’m told
25 May 2025
Ian Wolf
Some older HMHB just got played. “Secret Gig” got an airing on “Now Playing @6Music”.
25 May 2025
dr DEsperate
As requested by Jitsu-G, of this parish.
25 May 2025
ElvenRingTone
For US fans, the Bald Bezos cult put the album up a couple of days ago. The mp3 release will be $8.99, can be preordered now, and is available June 12th at 9PM Pacific.
(I emailed Proper regards a possible Bandcamp release but nothing back)
Amazon US link:
https://amazon.com/music/player/albums/B0F671QPV4?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&musicTerritory=US&ref=dm_sh_8tmoFbyTqdmCHARSnoUYD3cWA
27 May 2025
Transit full of Keith
@Tutor, Mark E Smith also pronounced hyperbole ‘hyperbowl’, in The Fall’s Hot Runes. One of very few songs to mention Alan Brazil, another being ‘Our Tune’ by HMHB.
27 May 2025
dr DEsperate
@Tutor Was Mrs Tutress a Monty Python fan, perhaps? In the 1970 ‘Piranha Brothers’ TV sketch Luigi Vercotti (Michael Palin) said that Doug terrified everyone, even Dinsdale, by using “dramatic irony, * bathos, puns, parody, ‘yperbowl, litotes and satire”.
(*The recorded version inserted “metaphor”.)
27 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Dr Desperate. Mrs Tutress and I are both Monty Python fans, but that has unfortunately passed us by. We’ve watched the films many, many times but I don’t think we’ve ever watched any of the series together and I haven’t watched any of them since I was a kid. I may have to put it on and see if she twigs
27 May 2025
Ian Wolf
Bliss of the Hereafter got another airing on Riley and Coe last night. Also, Tidal have given details of the production of the album.
https://listen.tidal.com/album/431911254/credits
29 May 2025
Alice van der meer
Karl (with K) doesn’t seem to get a lot of credit, does he?
29 May 2025
dr DEsperate
Just accepting the reality that HMHB recording sessions involve only Nigel and Neil on guitar. In the old days Ken then used to learn the lead guitar parts, allowing Neil to play bass on stage (except for ‘Bane of Constance’, which Ken had trouble playing).
Karl with a kicking K has now taken over that rôle, though I understand he popped into the studio and recorded an uncredited solo on one song.
29 May 2025
Alice van der meer
Fair enough. I just still have this mental thing where I assume the band we see are all in the studio together. I *know* its not like that, but the picture won’t go away.
29 May 2025
EXXO
Two details about last night’s second airing of ‘The Bliss’ that tickled me were that it’s only intro was the ‘Walking with Dinosaurs’ trailer, so it was “the most iconic animals that have ever walked the earth, catch all episodes, etc” and then the opening chords of the song, and that Coe again called it ‘The Blues of the Hereafter’ and this time that’s what’s listed on the programme’s website.
Regarding CtSO’s point about Lammo, he’s only very p/t these days and to be fair his only programme since he opened the CD was pretty much taken up by his reports and recordings from The Great Escape festival, and that will have required quite a bit of prep.
Really all five radio plays have been down to Coe, as even when Riley played a song when he was solo it was as ‘Gideon’s Gatecrasher.’ Riley is quite ‘music bizzy’ in his own way, and does want bands to play the game a bit, and did seem to get in a bit of a huff with our lads after he couldn’t get any sessions out of them since 2011. That’s just my impression.
29 May 2025
Curry knight
Horror Clowns is fast becoming a classic to me after the umpteenth play… it’s the ‘They have never been remotely scary’ bit to the tune of the classic Circus music. Has me smiling like the idiot I am.
30 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Curry Knight. I’ve been walking round work singing the ‘They have never been remotely scary’ bit and someone said ‘Oh, are they the actual words to that circus music?’
30 May 2025
Cheryl
Tom Robinson just played Aztec Camera on 6 and will be playing HMHB shortly. My Friday evening just got a whole lot better.
30 May 2025
dr DEsperate
JDOGs again, but he gets a pass as he mentioned the song’s rôle in the 2010 ‘Save R6M’ campaign, and played ‘Secret Gig’ on Sunday.
A bit thoughtless of them to put the trail for MAH’s new Sunday evening slot (for which his Now Playing show has been dumped) immediately after it.
30 May 2025
EXXO
@Curry & Tutor.
I’d been meaning to look up which pop/novelty songs had previously used a snippet of Fučík’s circus music (i.e. failed gladiator music), as I knew I could remember one where the female singer sang an intro over it. The ‘pedia of course gives a list, though then I had to actually listen to these things. So you don’t have to.
It turns out that many acts of the last 65 years have used a few bars of the theme to give their songs that clowny feel, either at the beginning of the track e.g. Leo Sayer (that one called ‘the Show Must Go on’ where he keeps contradicting himself by saying that he won’t let it) or Blue Magic (‘Sideshow,’ one of my favourite songs when I was eleven), or in the middle, like Cockney Rebel (‘Mr. Soft,’ 1974, the sort of song you’d hear on ‘Pebble Mill at One).
But only in very recent years have singers taken up the challenge of singing actual words to the Fučík tune. Gwen Stefani (‘Don’t Get It Twisted’, 2006) turned out to be the one I was thinking of. There’s also ”Freak’ (2022) by US TV celeb Demi Lovato and ‘Circus’ in the same year by K-Pop boyband Stray Kids, all with snippets of the tune of which Nigel had now produced the supreme version.
Surely nobody else will dare to incorporate it again?
31 May 2025
EXXO
Meant to say “what the Fučík was I thinking?” of course, before anyone else did.
31 May 2025
warden Hodges
The Probe shop opens quite late now about 12.30 midday so the plan will be a Wethies brekky in the morning. Correct attire, has to be done, Motorway t-shirt.
31 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@ Exxo Well, colour me pickled tink. I was a big No Dount fan. Mainly for the bass. ‘Underneath It All’ and ‘Trapped In a Box’ are really fun and enjoyable to play, but by the time Gwen went solo I sort of lost interest so I’d never heard ‘Don’t Get It Twisted’.
Regarding ‘Mr Soft’ I was absolutely obsessed with the Trebor Softmints advert as a kid and still regularly walk around singing it while affecting a floppy gait (to see where I’d end up), but because I’d only ever heard the snippet from the advert I didn’t realise it had Fučík’s circus music in the middle. When listening to the full song I thought ‘Well, this reminds me more of Tom Waits – Underground or Waltz in Black by The Stranglers.’ Unitl the circus bit happily occurred.
31 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Also I think I saw Tribe of Toffs sing John Kettley is a Weatherman on Pebble Mill but it might have been a different program.
Now I’ve gone down a very strange rabbit hole which has led me back home to HMHB.
While trying to find out if Tribe of Toffs was in Pebble Mill, I found an article about Chris Moyles trying to get his listeners to buy their single.
‘In my first year at college, I befriended a lad, Bryan, who lived four doors down the corridor in halls. He fancied himself as a singer, I had a guitar, so we learned a couple of songs. And when I say “a couple”, I literally mean two.
One was Half Man Half Biscuits’s Time Flies By (When You’re the Driver of a Train) from their majestic if scuzzy Back in the D.H.S.S. album.
The other was, well, this:
A Tribe of Toffs – John Kettley (Is a Weatherman)
Look, I know it’s a shite novelty record, but it still brings a smile to these old chops. It’s just a list of mostly Z-list celebrities and a description of what they’re known for (sort of). In that respect, it’s not that far from early Half Man Half Biscuit records (see the sleeve notes on Back in the DHSS if you don’t believe me, although the HMHB ones are waaaay more acerbic). But it’s the out-and-out silliness, from the opening “Ayrton Senna’s got the voice of a tenor…” through to the “…amazing cheese and pickle solo…” and beyond, that I find so endearing.’
31 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
And I must say ‘Cheese and Pickle solo’ does always remind me of ‘Gimme a spork!’ or ‘Let’s Complain!’. but a bit naffer, haha.
31 May 2025
EXXO
NB got so fed up of people thinking ‘John Kettley’ was HMHB that he used to sing
“John Kettley is another band,
John Kettley is another band,
John Kettley is another band …”
at some point of 80% of gigs in the nineties, and even slightly into the early noughties possibly.
31 May 2025
Christie Malry
Nine year old me loved ‘John Kettley is a weatherman’, and I still have the 7″ single (I can’t remember if it was a Christmas present or if I bought it myself with a festive voucher, perhaps received from my auntie in Wales.) Not sure about Pebble Mill but I am sure they appeared on children’s BBC, then hosted by Andy Crane who is name checked in the lyrics. I’ve always had a weakness for the comic or novelty song, which might have to do with being raised on a diet of Flanders and Swann, Tom Lehrer, Max Boyce and Lonnie Donegan. Definitely a gateway drug to HMHB.
31 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Exxo. I’d better shut up then, haha. Don’t want to incur the wrath of NB.
@Christie Malry. I can so identify with that. I’ve listened to Tom Lehrer’s element song about a billion times so as to learn it off by heart. Same with Alphabet Aerobics by Blackalicious.
31 May 2025
Ian Wolf
@The Tutor Have you listen to comedian Helen Arney’s version of the Elements Song – complete with the latest elements that have since been discovered since Lehrer wrote the original? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzvjB5hC2qc
31 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Ian Wolf. No, that’s brilliant. I always wondered if anyone had ever done an updated version.
31 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Also yesterday Cheryl mentioned Aztec Camera and I thought ‘Oh, never heard of them.’ Put ‘Somewhere In My Heart’ on, haha. It’s funny how you can hear a song about thousand times and still not know who the artist is.
31 May 2025
No chips allowed
@Exxo, comment 355. In a similar vein, Orlando airport is located on Jeff Fuqua Boulevard. Good surname for a businessman.
31 May 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
@Exxo #354 I had a quick look on WhoSampled and there are currently 117 songs which borrow Fučík’s tune, including a German hip hop track called “Horror Clowns”, and, very faintly, “All His Geese Are Swans!”by Cardiacs (q.v.)
31 May 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Sylvian’s Whippet. That sounds like a very handy site.
31 May 2025
brumbiscuit
@NCO/366
Especially if you’re flying DC10…
31 May 2025
Alex
A Tribe Of Toffs definitely appeared on Wogan.
On more than one occasion my mother was guilty of thinking it was a HMHB song though I must plead guilty to reeling her in to thinking every amusing song was one of theirs.
31 May 2025
No chips allowed
@BB, so you’ve been to Ibiza too?
1 June 2025
Brumbiscuit
1985, as it happens…
1 June 2025
BLIGHTED rAY
DJ Rocker played ‘Horror Clowns Are Dickheads’ on his monthly Dandelion Radio show today. It’s repeated regularly throughout June.
1 June 2025
dr DEsperate
Uncle Mac playing ‘Rawlplugs’ as the first song on Freak Zone tonight!
1 June 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Immediately after our very own Dr Desperate gets the last ever request on BBC 6Music’s “Now Playing” with Tom Robinson, we get Stuart Maconie opening his “Freak Zone” show with “Rawlplugs of Yesteryear”. Introduced with “…from the predictably excellent new album from Britain’s greatest musical satirists…”.
1 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
‘Rawlplugs of Yesteryear’ opening Maconie’s Freak Zone. Excellent.
1 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
(… right after Tom Robinson’s increasingly pissed-sounding farewell show / birthday party.)
1 June 2025
Old Tony
First thing I’ve heard from the new album on ‘Freak Zone’ tonight. Very good.
As an aside I got to see Richard Dawson live for the first time a few weeks ago. I found a fair bit of HMHB influence in his work.
1 June 2025
Ian wolf
Some added historical context regarding Rawlplugs and John Joseph.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Joseph_Rawlings
1 June 2025
EXXo
Love it
So two albums ago we had rope (-lessness), one album ago we had hessian, now jute on this one… will we hear about any further application of mallow fibres in 3 or 4 years’ time?
1 June 2025
dr DEsperate
@IW One suspects Nigel gained his Wikipedic knowledge of the history of the Rawlplug from the same source, as did CtSO in post 135 above.
2 June 2025
dr DEsperate
Further applications of rope were heard about in HLBMB, SUAH and (hopefully not in the same context, though it sounds like it) EMWSH.
2 June 2025
Ian Wolf
@Dr Desperate: That and Rawlplug’s own website (they mention the blood, unlike the Wikipedia page). https://rawlplug.co.uk/rawlplug/about-us/
2 June 2025
EXXo
@Tutes, 365. This means you are too young to know Aztec Camera’s stunning breakthrough album ‘High Lands, Hard Rain,’ where as a bassist you will surely find something to delight you in Campbell Owens’ distinctive bass lines.
3 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Exxo. Yes, I’m too young to remember their debut album, but who knows, I’ve probably had been played it without realising. I’ll certainly have a listen. Always on the lookout for something new (to me). Thanks. Someone recently played me Tame Impalas – Less I Know The Better and I was like ‘WHAT is this!?’
3 June 2025
ghost of kirkus
I must email Phil and Simon Morris @Radio New Zealand to let them know about the new album – I’m always delighted that HMHB almost get more air time on the National Radio here than in the UK. Great to see Scoff Cruddle is from round these parts too.
@Tutor I can confirm turning up as a random bloke on your own at an HMHB gig is great fun, and having met a number of the people on here in real life at the Bristol gig, they’re all lovely and very welcoming. And Nigel had indeed heard that there was someone in from New Zealand. Don’t hesitate to go!
3 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@ Ghost of Kirkus. Yes, yes. My tickets are booked and I’m incredibly excited. I don’t know why I waited so long. I am trying very, very hard to curb my HMHB talk as I can see my wife is starting to side-eye me more with each passing day. Hopefully NB will spot my tutor apparel and say ‘You know traditionally it’s leather patches on a tweed jacket, not the other way around?’
3 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
‘Less I know the better’ by Tame Impalas contains a Trevor btw. Weird flex.
4 June 2025
CHERYL
Thanks to Exxo for the lovely recommendation for the brilliant ‘High Land, Hard Rain’.
Just one thing, there’s no ‘s’.
Roddy Frame will be down the dip in despair!
5 June 2025
John Anderson
While we’re being pedantic (a quality much admired in this company), it should be “Roddy Frame will be down The Dip in despair!”. The song in question refers to the nickname of The Diplomat pub in Glasgow,
5 June 2025
CHERYL
East Kilbride surely?
5 June 2025
EXXo
Yeah, just a typo, spotted that as soon as I posted it. I’m an edit button addict, I’m always at it, there’s no edit button here, so no point being pedantic about spelling or typoes unless they affect comprehension.
5 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
There’s no ‘s’ on Tame Impala either.
5 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Well, I’m dreadfully embarrassed. I could have sworn there was more than one of them.
6 June 2025
D list paul ross
Pretty sure the plural is (or at least can be) impala as well. As Dr Johnson wisely said, “Pedantry is a tough mistress when there’s no edit button”.
6 June 2025
dr DEsperate
Land, Impala, Revelation, Hopkin: they must all despair.
(See also the original singer of ‘Goodbye Sam…’)
https://www.oddbits.co.uk/product-page/readers-digest-the-best-of-cliff-richards-and-the-shadows-vinyl-rds-10217
6 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Are any of you members of the ‘Extreme Pedantry’ group on Facebook? It was fun but you really had to be on the ball with your posts or you’d get eaten alive.
My greatest achievement was when someone asked ‘So, why are you all here? What makes you want to be a member?’ And I replied ‘I am a masserchist and simply love being corrected.’
6 June 2025
EXXo
I can’t think of a better pop song or album written by someone when they were aged 15-18 than ‘Down the Dip’ or ‘High Land, Hard Rain.’ That’s really why I used the word
“stunning.” I loved it from the moment it was released, at a point of my life that was mainly about heartbreak and pop songs, but when I heard he was 8 months younger than me I was stunned that he could write that album, and still am.
6 June 2025
Barahir_NZ
I thought the buzz wire design was in the shape of RM to advertise the RM Qualthrough label.Surprised to see the same design on the press release on the medical article. The photos in the article itself show a completely different design being used.
https://www.bmj.com/content/387/bmj-2024-081814
6 June 2025
alan
Barahir_NZ: Commendable level of research!
6 June 2025
dr DEsperate
@Exxo I thought exactly the same thing about Paul Weller (q v) in April ’77 when ‘In The City’ was released and I discovered that he was 18, seven months younger than me. He’s a lot older than me now, obviously.
6 June 2025
Exxo
Ah yeah, I knew Roddy Frame would have a rival for the title. I think Alex Turner was another early starter, but not quite so early and definitely not quite as near-perfect.
6 June 2025
Exxo
@Tutes. No, but I reckon some of us would compete to a reasonable standard on there. Has anyone invented one-on-one cage pedantry yet? Mixed martial pedantry. UPC.
We could have proper UPC pseudonyms. Charles the Exxterminator Exford. Lures you into a false sense of security with typoes and then just comes on ever stronger if you fail to state your criteria for your critical opinions.
I’m on public transport and an passenger seats all day now (Sussex to Dumfries), so it could be a day of this sort of gubbins from me.
6 June 2025
Exxo
Van passenger seats. The error came because I thought I had changed “on to “van” after a proof-read. Must proof-read after the corrections too. All fingers and thumbs, I spill my tea, oh silly me.
6 June 2025
D list paul ross
Just bought a record player for the first time in about 30 years and Breaking Glass is in the “to be played very soon” pile, Exxo’s tea related shenanigans has just moved it even closer to the top.
6 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
I think Mixed Martial Pedantry or UPC has scope to be more riveting than Big Train’s Stareout Championships.
6 June 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Service announcement: As the new album has drawn in a few new visitors to this website, first of all welcome. But can I also draw attention to the note in the “HMHB in the Media” section that reminds us please to resist the temptation to comment that “I saw [something mentioned in a song lyric] today and I thought I’d mention it.”
One of the reasons this site has hung on to its regular visitors for so long is by giving that a wide berth. The endless deluge of “Ooh, here’s yet another link to a news story about a bus hitting a bridge” is what’s killed off a succession of HMHB-related Facebook groups over the years, and none of us want this site to go the same way. Thanks.
6 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Sorry if that’s me and my Stan Mortensen post, Chris.
7 June 2025
dr DEsperate
I think the information that there’s a Stan Mortensen Avenue in Blackpool is worthy of attention, @Tute. Unsurprisingly, it’s a quarter of the length of Stanley Matthews Way in Stoke (q v). Surprisingly, there’s also a George Farm Close in Milton Keynes.
7 June 2025
Lord LEOMINSTER
Guilty as charged ref links to news stories about buses hitting bridges. Having said that, it is extraordinary just how many buses hit bridges. I hadn’t noticed this phenomenon until HMHB brought it to my attention.
7 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@ Dr Desperate. Thanks. I have zero interest in Football. I don’t even watch the world cup. The only way I can vaguely enjoy it is through HMHB. I find myself in a travelogde next to Blackpool’s ground. There’s a large mural on a wall nearby of a chap in an orange kit and I wonder if that’s the ‘Tangerine Wizard’. I’m not sure because I have no football knowledge at all. Someone at work asked me to come up with one current footballer and the best I could manage was Dionne Warwick.
Walked passed Stan Mortensen Avenue and felt confirmation that they are indeed talking about Blackpool at the end of that particular song. I’ve probably even looked up Stan Mortensen before but for some reason football information drains through me like I’m a sieve.
7 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Lord Leominster. I STILL don’t know which song references buses hitting bridges, but I’m happy I’ve got it all to come.
7 June 2025
parsfan
I pity anyone who has to wash you.
7 June 2025
Lord leominster
@TUTOR When you hear it you won’t miss it (unlike the bus driver with the bridge).
7 June 2025
Lord leominster
…(much like the bus driver with the bridge).
7 June 2025
This leaden paul
*applauds Parsfan in the manner of Dickie Attenborough*
7 June 2025
Johnny Kwango
@TheTutor re #411
I assume you mean this one, snapped whilst at Rebellion last year:
https://ibb.co/mCQrL819
Please see:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Armfield
He was born in the same wee place as me, very nearly shared a birthday (different year obvs.), was the same height as me (before I appeared to shrink a bit) and enjoyed playing football a lot (until my knee gave up on me). The similarities end there and I am also not expecting to receive a CBE any time soon.
7 June 2025
dr DEsperate
He also has a ‘Spot The Ball’- style statue outside Bloomfield Road, and his surname spelt out in white among the tangerine seats of his eponymous stand.
8 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Johnny Kwango. Yes, that’s the one. I couldn’t read that signature on the mural for the life of me.
8 June 2025
Paul f
Howard Wilkinson, whilst caretaker manager of England, was once berating a group of journalists and asked them how many caps they’d won to justify their opinion. “43, Howard” came a voice from the back of the room. Jimmy Armfield of Radio 5 Live.
8 June 2025
Stu
I’d have sworn Jimmy Armfield played for Burnley all his life, but assume Google is correct in saying to me, “No, you idiot, it was Blackpool!” Ain’t it funny how the memory plays tricks after most of a lifetime?
In other news, regarding McCalliog (and/or his hens), I had a look at the 1976 cup final highlights today, as I’m with someone upthread who can only think of one McCalliog I’ve encountered in my entire lifetime. That was a nice through ball he played to set up the winning goal, but my first thought (having not seen it for at least 35 years) was that Stokes was offside …. yet I don’t remember thinking that at the time. Could this be because my father and brother were both Man U supporters?
9 June 2025
Dennis Bell from Torquay
Enjoying scrolling through this while at work. Which track are people most excited for? I’m loving HCAD already and cannot wait for Friday!
9 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@DBFT ‘Don’t Get Me Wrong Yvonne’ for me. I think someone said there should be a comma. I’m hoping it’s actually correct and that the protagonist of the song has been brought the wrong Yvonne in the past.
9 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Or maybe it’s how to distinguish between Yvonnes.
9 June 2025
No chips allowed
Jim McCalliog also featured in the 1966 F A Cup final, at Wemberly. Sheffield Wednesday lost 3-2 to Everton, after being 2-0 up. A fact largely forgotten outside of Merseyside ‘cos something else happened that year.
9 June 2025
paul f
Re 1976, the potential offside was definitely a big deal at the time, but looking at the footage now, you can see he is about level with Brian Greenhoff, and, as the camera pans across, Martin Buchan is almost certainly playing him on.
Re 1966, my dad and eldest brother (both bluenoses) were at that game, and my brother was apparently in tears at half-time but somewhat cheerier at full time. My dad was also at the “other” game.
9 June 2025
nige nnto
Normally I’d be counting the days to the album release, but having heard 6 of the 13 pre release, it’s almost just a new EP I’ll be receiving. It’ll be a good EP though, if the 6 I’ve heard are anything to go by.
9 June 2025
dr DEsperate
And another one here!
Our old pal Andy Kershaw has a pre-release copy of the album, and on his latest podcast plays two tracks, the already in-the-wild ‘Goodbye Sam, Hello Samaritans’ (the title of which tickles his fancy more than somewhat) and the so-far-unheard ‘Record Store Day’.
Listenable now on Podcast No 37 at [27:40].
They’re included in the Short (Free) first hour, but feel free to subscribe on Podbean if you’d like to hear much much more, including the HMHB Kitchen Session on Podcast No 5.
https://andykershaw.co.uk/podcast-37-7th-june-2025/
9 June 2025
David Morgan
I never listen to pre release stuff (bar the one released track) for the very reason that the album always feels underweight when I do.
Point on Art the Clown / I always saw him as not a clown per se but more a cross between a mime and a clown – especially with his white painted face and mime mannerisms. I also don’t think him being a form of clown is scary, it’s the unrelenting focus on killing just about anything, with no motive or reason. That he is decked out like a mime/clown then becomes terrifying….
I assume Nigel doesn’t attend the annual meeting of the juggalos…
10 June 2025
A Factory Completist
Oops! Posted this in the wrong place initially
Just heard Andrew Harrison on the Oh God, What Now? podcast praising the new album. He quoted a line from Record Store Day that made me laugh out loud (but I won’t spoil it here).
Here’s a link – if you want to avoid all the politics, his HMHB bit starts at 54:15
https://open.spotify.com/episode/06j7IhqAWijq690QmXJyHD
10 June 2025
Horror clown
The Guardian wants readers to recommend their album of the year so far.
11 June 2025
ALEX
Re: The Andy Kershaw Podcast. I was blissfully ignorant of Cliff Richard’s ‘Goodbye Sam, Hello Samantha’ though now being aware of it adds plenty of amusement to the ‘Samaritans’ track.
Despite several plays, I’ve been unable to decipher the recipient of the copy Nigel said he sent out at the same time as Kershaw’s. Anyone fare any better?
11 June 2025
John Anderson
Orla Guerin, BBC News senior international correspondent.
11 June 2025
dr DEsperate
See post 30 on the Ulverston gig page.
https://halfmanhalfbiscuit.uk/the-coro-ulverston-gig-16-may-2025/
11 June 2025
Paul Wood
Hooray! My copy of the CD arrived here in LA today by snail mail. Fantastic. Looking forward to repeated listens in the coming days. Also have my ticket for Camden where hopefully a few more will be heard.
(Was over for Ulverston with just the one new track). Enjoyed chatting to CTSO on Ulverston platform the next morning👍)
12 June 2025
Stu
My CD arrived in Sweden at lunchtime today by snail mail. Extraordinary, given that PostNord (Sweden’s Post Office) are still saying it’s stuck in customs, pending payment of VAT (which I assume that nice Mr Rees-Mogg will tell me is a Brexit benefit?). Perhaps even customs officers realise the importance of delivering Half Man Half Biscuit CDs on time or – even better – a day early? If so, hats off to them!
As for the “explanation” regarding McCalliog And His Hens in the sleeve, surely not? I assume it’s a wind-up, but I don’t get the joke. Presumably I’ve been gone (from the UK) too long?
12 June 2025
that chinese guy
Just received my CD on from the postman! Thank you Proper Music for advanced posting it to arrive just about in time. No taxes or tariffs, btw :-)))
12 June 2025
Brumbiscuit
@Stu: Hejsan! Var bor du i Sverige? Jag brukade åka från Umeå till England för att se HMHB. Inte längre. Jag ār bak i England nu.
12 June 2025
Tranmeres long throw
I managed to obtain the vinyl late this afternoon in Glasgow. Will listen shortly
12 June 2025
Stu
@Brumbibiscuit: Jag bodde i Örebro 1992-2024, men har precis flyttat till Storå, inte så långtifrån Lindesberg eller Nora.
I’ve only seen the band live once, in Manchester in 2011(ish) – it’s too far otherwise, as I’m rarely in the UK these days. But I doubt if a day ever goes by that the neighbours here aren’t treated to a burst of Britain’s Greatest Living Poet and his pals!
12 June 2025
Chris The Siteowner
OK, as people are getting their nice shiny new CDs and vinyls, it’s time to have a stab at the lyrics! They’ll appear here, and I think we’ll just go through in order. Usual rules of engagement:
1. If you want to contribute your own lyrics transcription of any song not yet done, please feel free to email your best guess to chris@chrisrand.com – your reward will be an in-perpetuity mention in the thank-you list for that song
2. If you want to comment on the published lyrics, there’s a link to the discussion page below every song. Be as pedantic as you wish
3. If someone offers a correction and you agree with them, feel free to say so in the comments, it’ll help sway the jury a lot more quickly
4. I’ll stick up a new song every two days until they’re all done
5. There’ll be A to Z entries coming later in the summer if you want to really get into detail about the people and places mentioned
(NB: if you’ve submitted lyrics to a song and don’t see your name in the acknowledgements list, please let me know, as it’ll just be down to my flaky admin)
12 June 2025
MATTL
Got my vinyl copy today in the US.
Looking forward to listening to it.
12 June 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
I’m looking forward to listening to my CD, but considering Proper haven’t even sent me their dispatch email yet, at this rate there’ll be people on North Sentinel Island who’ll receive it before me. So hooray for streaming, I guess.
12 June 2025
MickeyMo
Younger listeners may struggle with ‘Whitbread, big head, Trophy Bitter, the pint that thinks it’s a quart’ but that’s the way Whitbread’s Trophy Bitter was advertised in the 70s.
As to how you’d feel after drinking a quart of that shite …
12 June 2025
Irish Niall
I’m availing of spotify here. Amazing.
Looking forward to the CD so I can play it in the car …especially with my younger lad who loved TVY. On a cliffwalk in Kilkee we spied across the bay someone in a van apparently attempting handbreak turns in a field and, completely unprompted, his then nine maybe ten year old self just shrugged “maybe it’s Robbo”.
I’m genuinely not one for foisting my love of music much less my particular tastes and titles on my offspring. But me and him bonded over TVY. He’s entering the teens now though and forging his own path as everyone must. I think there’s a lot in this he’ll get his teeth into mind.
13 June 2025
Freeparkerpen 2
Just listened to the new album on Spotify, I really enjoyed it! Mixing was a bit funny maybe but nothing that I can’t turn a blind eye to, TBOTH and possible side effects were both fantastic, can’t wait to see them live!
13 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Managed to procure Mrs Tutor’s Spotify login and had a little listen this morning. Can’t wait to finish work and listen to it properly. I’m already very happy with ‘Don’t Get Me Wrong Yvonne’. It’s gone in the slightly unsettling, socially nefarious direction I was hoping it would. ‘That shoots out a little beam’ made me chuckle.
13 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Irish Niall. I’ve been foisting HMHB on my 8 yo daughter for years. She WILL like and respect them. Whenever we’re going somewhere and she asks if I’ll put a song on in the car my first response is ‘Half Man Half Biscuit?’ She shouts and screams for a minute while I ask ‘Why?’ She doesn’t want to listen to them and come up with cotent arguments as to why she should before I relent and put some utter shite on for her.
13 June 2025
Ian Wolf
Just submitted a suggested transcription for Possible Side Effects. Brilliant track. Now excuse, but I must get on going to Legoland.
13 June 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
Just had a listen. One song in particular stands out, it’s grilliant [sic].
13 June 2025
dic aberdaron
goss algum
13 June 2025
Murray Meikle
Absolutely superb. In an ever worrying world at least we still have the certainty of Nigel’s genius. Now for the 4th listen this morning.
13 June 2025
Phyllis Triggs
Anticipation is now off the scale! Come on Postie!!
13 June 2025
ALEX
Dashed home from work last night in the hope that the CD had arrived. Smiled when I saw a package on the mat. The smile soon disappeared when I saw it was the NHS inviting me to rummage round in my bowels.
Managed to string out my drive to work long enough to play the full album. Some fine mellow tunes in Polymath and Possible Side Effects. A lippy ventriloquist’s dummy being chucked into the fire an early highlight amongst the tracks that hadn’t been broadcast before.
13 June 2025
Persian rug vendor
No sign of My CD yet, although I’m sure the postman was whistling Horror clowns this morning! In a Suffolk ditch, where I put the thieving postman!
13 June 2025
horror clown
First play through. Possible Side Effects sounds rather lovely.
Record Store Day made me laugh.
13 June 2025
Sloppy
My vinyl is currently lurking in the Chester sorting office.
Stupidly, however, I suggested it could be a birthday present so I can only gaze longingly at it until Monday )-:
13 June 2025
Cugel the clever
Can’t be long until this username is claimed:
‘Great Big Whopper With Shit For Brains’
Lovely stuff.
13 June 2025
Mr Galbraith
My wife’s from Redruth, she can’t recall there ever being a shop there that might sell ventriloquists dummies. (And the nearest HMV is Truro)
13 June 2025
nige nnto
Still looking hopefully out of the window. CD has been at the delivery office half a mile away since 7:00. Come on postie, pull your finger out
13 June 2025
Ian Wolf
Regarding “No-One Likes a Polymath”, I’ve just looked up Ecclesiastes 1:18: “For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.”
13 June 2025
Cream cheese and chives
Friday 13th and coming to terms with the impending dissolution of the Cream Cheese and Chives marriage , this lp is the sunshine as the clouds part. Falmouth Electrics is properly genius.
I’m no muso but Neil’s bass playing is off the scale. Let the discussion begin…
Regretting selling my Castleton tickets now. The best laid plans of mice and men and all that.
13 June 2025
Mr spokesman
Had this email from Proper;
Dear HMHB Fans,
Thank you for your recent order for Half Man Half Biscuit’s new album, All Asimov And No Fresh Air!
Due to huge demand for the new album and a late technical issue, we’re very sorry to let you know that not all orders were able to be collected and posted out yesterday, so some UK customers may not receive their order today as expected.
However, please don’t worry as we’ve arranged for an early collection by Royal Mail today, shipping with Next Day delivery, so all items should be delivered by tomorrow.
Thank you so much for your patience and understanding, and enjoy the album, it’s a corker!
With regards,
the propermusic.com Team
13 June 2025
woodnoggin
Yes, same email here. That’s a shame, I was looking forward to hearing it today. At least it wasn’t in the looted and abandoned DHL van my partner discovered on her morning walk earlier.
13 June 2025
Scoff
Just listened on Spotify. Favourite on first listen “McCalliog and his hens”, but I’m sure that’ll change over the next few listens.
13 June 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
Same here. “Huge demand” is a good reason for a delay at least.
13 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Ian Wolf. It feels like the opposite of
‘Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders.’ – Friedrich Nietzsche
13 June 2025
TELLY SAVALAS
Postman brought my vinyl a couple of hours ago, but can’t use the turntable while working, so have streamed a first listen.
Had heard all of the first side at least once each, ‘Bliss of the Hereafter’ might still be the fave from that lot. ‘
Falmouth Electrics’ certainly stood out on side 2, ‘Birmos in the Cowshed’ maybe the only one that didn’t leave much of an impact on initial play, but still many, many listens to look forward to.
As others have said, thank goodness for Nigel and co. for their ability to reliably bring joy and levity to this leaden pall. So many little lines and moments I’m relishing becoming ingrained in my brain.
13 June 2025
Phyllis Triggs
Bollox! Fingers crossed for delivery tomorrow.
Now, do I keep checking in here to read people’s first impressions or do I wait to hear it myself…hmmm…
13 June 2025
FEATURELESS STEVE
There’s a track called Record Store Day on the Mozart Estate album “Pop-Up! Ker-Ching! and the Possibilities of Modern Shopping”
I’ve often thought that some of the Go-Kart Mozart songs by Laurence (Felt/Denim) are akin to HMHB, lyrically at least.
13 June 2025
Borough surveyor
Falmouth electrics takes an early lead. “Got any gauhaus” is up there with all the great lines (mullet in millets, bollocko, crock of shite, is this your sanderling etc etc).
13 June 2025
No chips allowed
It’s here. Thank you Seeds. Now, Do Not Disturb.
13 June 2025
Andy carroll
Bizarrely, my vinyl copy arrived in Melbourne, Australia (not Derbyshire) on 11th ! Looking forward to Devils Arse and a (doomed to fail) attempt at “travelled furthest for first biscuit gig”…
13 June 2025
no Legs best
After two plays Jack’s Been To The National is probably my favourite with Falmouth Electrics a close second. I suspect Possible Side Effects will grow on me.
13 June 2025
ds
Proper Music dispatched my CD this mooning, having sent an apologetic mail saying they were snowed so not everyone would get theirs today. I managed to pick up the digital release on Apple Music in the meantime, so I have initial thoughts.
Standouts for me so far are Birmos and Falmouth I think, but Record Store Day has the winning one-liner up there with Jan Akkerman as far as I’m concerned
https://mantrafilledoompah.co.uk/review-half-man-half-biscuit-all-asimov-and-no-fresh-air-4c88fc998f94
13 June 2025
ANDREW HARRISON
Still convinced that the title makes microscopic reference to old Derek Nimmo sitcom ‘All Gas And Gaiters’: “At St Oggs Cathedral is a carefree bishop, an old tippling archdeacon, and an accident-prone chaplain, who all wish to live a quiet bachelor life, but this is continually threatened by the dean, who tries to bring by-the-book rule to the cathedral.”
13 June 2025
DEMIBISQUEE
Did someone have Penge? I feel like someone had Penge. Falmouth and Jack are early faves….
13 June 2025
Huddersfield's Very Own Steve Malkmus
Had my copy of the new album waiting for me after my morning shift. I’m as far as Record Store Day at this point. Had also ordered a copy of MT&D from Proper, but have instead been sent two copies of the new album (it’s absolutely possible, even probable, that I screwed up the ordering). If anyone is particularly eager to get hold of a copy before their delayed one arrives (and lives somewhere around the Eastern bit of the M62 and the top bit of the M1) say so below and I’ll drop it round…
I’d avoided all early plays on the radio and the interwebs other than Horror Clowns being put on YouTube, on the first listen (at “No-one Likes a Polymath” now) I’m putting Bliss of the Hereafter and Polymath as my initial favourites… Though “Don’t Get Me Wrong Yvonne’ has just started and raced straight into a two-furlong lead.
13 June 2025
Alice van der meer
I had Penge once, but some cream from the doctor soon cleared it up.
13 June 2025
VSF marmalade
Just made redundant a week ago, so I’d been counting on the new album to lift my spirits (much like Trouble Over Bridgwater did last time this happened to me)…and it’s certainly delivered.
TBOTH still the early favourite, though with Falmouth Electrics rapidly gaining.
Perfect listening for my bus journey back through Beckenham to Penge. A houseboat would probably be quicker given all the temporary traffic lights round here. If only they hadn’t closed most of the canal in 1836.
13 June 2025
Iguana Andy
Vinyl’s arrived but having to listen on Apple Music for now. Any one else having trouble with the vocals? They seem very subdued in the mix
13 June 2025
warden Hodges
Probe at 12.02. pre pint at Post Office.
Ste wasn’t doing his rollie ciggies this time but said he’d give the album a full play today. Ain’t we all!
13 June 2025
warden Hodges
Birmos in the Cowshed, silkies on the wrist.
Big Match retro 75/76 on ITV4 tomorrow 10.30am.
13 June 2025
Ian Wolf
@Warden Hodges I’m surprised you haven’t mentioned Private Sponge and the Others.
At time of writing, the album is currently No. 18 in the iTunes Album chart.
13 June 2025
warden Hodges
Just heard the great Private Sponge mention now. A true great ‘extra’ with odd speaking part.
13 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Wow. Just wow.
Love love love ‘Goodbye Sam, Hello Samaritans’ Reminded me of ‘Chicken Town’ by John Cooper Clarke at the start. The music is so wonderfully upbeat compared to the sentiments of the lyrics. Brilliant.
Love Falmouth Electrics. Made me fondly think of Ken Dodd and Dickie Mint
‘Would you like a big bottle of beer (watch my lips) and some buh-rown buh-read and butter? Or a shandy?’
‘A shandy.’
‘Goo-ood, goo-ood.’
And the line from ‘Jack’s Been To The National’
’50 pound at 20 to 1. Later found at ten past four.’ Is pure genius. Reminds me of ‘My Outstretched Arms’
13 June 2025
norton folgate
I believe the line being quoted from Record Store Day is a dig at Madness. They have released three volumes of B sides entitled I Do Like to Be B Side The A Side volumes one to three on record store day. The band have also regularly appended I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside to the end of House of Fun when playing live near the sea.
They are ridiculously expensive and cause completist bastards such as me nightmares each RSD.
I’ve never afforded a first mortgage, let alone a second one. And it is primarily as a result of my preference for spending my money on record collecting, gigs and my unfeasibly large Viz Comic collection.
I hate RSD (the event, not the song).
(I’ve probably posted on here before, but can’t remember which name I’ve used. Possibly my real one, which is Paul Rodgers. I vaguely recall confusion as there was more than one.)
13 June 2025
Paul Evans
I’m dissapointed to discover that ‘ Birmos in the cowshed’ is not about me and a few of my mates watching Tranmere from behind the goal in our stack shoes, three star jumpers and Birmingham bags in the early seventies.
Or is it ?
13 June 2025
Ian Wolf
@The Tutor That JBTTN line is almost identical to an old Tommy Cooper gag: “I backed a horse today, 20 to 1… came in at 20 past 4.”
13 June 2025
Iguana andy
Fantastic throughout, well worth the wait. My absolute fave’s after a few listens are the last 3 tracks. Looking forward to experiencing them live soon.
13 June 2025
Stef
Loving it… slower and less punchy than The Voltarol Years but growing… I’m loving Falmouth Electrics, The Bliss of the Hereafter and McCalliog but Possible Side Effects is beginning to stand out. The cheese incident at Legoland is right up there with the monkey at Knowsely Safari Park… I think this one’s a grower.
13 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Ian Wolf. Ahhh. I’ve been reading Spike Milligan’s war novels and felt like it might have been something he could have said.
13 June 2025
Great big whopper with shit for brains
#458 Go on then…
13 June 2025
TELLY SAVALAS
Of course, the ‘b-sides’ line stands out, but I am loving
“Step this way, it’s record store day,
the band are cleaning out their spare rooms,
if you want that in battleship grey,
you’ll have to sell the family heirlooms”
13 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
Delivered from Seed Records today. It’s great. More on this story later.
13 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
It also came with a free sticker! Do Proper do that?
13 June 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
I’ve read Exxo’s definition of Birmos (#34) at least twice, but still keep thinking of Parmos. And now I’ve typed them out, they both look like Greek isles.
13 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
@Andrew Harrison: tenuous support for your frankly implausible theory might be found in the line “gassing at the gate”.
13 June 2025
Gatley's Very Own Lou Garlow
Now on my second listen, I’m now convinced that AAANFA should in an ideal world be a shoe-in for the Mercury Music Prize (q.v.). I’m in awe.
Hard to pick a favourite this early, because every song is a future classic. I wasn’t too keen on Horror Clowns (“dickhead!”) when I first heard it but that’s grown on me too.
“He said his name was Gary
I said do you mean Barry
He said yeh” is a particular highlight. The delivery is just *chef’s kiss* as the kids say.
Apologies to CtSO for my earlier comment asking if anyone wanted the second copy I ended up with. Can see how that would have caused you a load of extra work! I’ll probably just gift it to a mate.
(Not a problem – happy to put people in touch – CtSO)
13 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Telly Savalas. I love (if I’m hearing it right) ‘I don’t eat the rind if it’s covered in spores’
13 June 2025
Cheryl
It’s all ruddy brilliant! I love the ‘unfinished’ joke about the war horse and the cart horse. Oh, and the way Nigel pronounces ‘hay-er’ is hilarious. Fabulous backing vocals from Neil, particularly on the last track. Excellent sound engineering from Chris Taylor an’ all. (I’ve been a bit obsessed with the latest album by The Lathums which was also mixed by Chris).
13 June 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Apologies in advance to any first-time contributor here if you have to wait a bit to see your comment; I have this set up for comments from new email addresses to require approval so that no spam gets through. We get a LOT of that. But I’m around to approve things quickly for most of today (which looks like it’s going to be very busy; there are typically 20–30 people on the site simultaneously, and we could get a couple of thousand visitors at this rate).
13 June 2025
Lee's 21st
Nigel’s been sitting on that ‘I do like to re-release me b-sides’ line for at least 27 years! I remember he strummed it between songs, possibly 2000-2005 or so, but a quick check of the gig reveiws and it’s mentioned as far back as Star & Garter, Manchester, 24 April 1998. Was worth the wait, it’s perfect for Record Store Day.
13 June 2025
Haunted cagoule
Loving the album, more and more with each listen. The organ on PSE is magic (and not a million miles from OOD). Surprised our protagonist isn’t a fan of Tipping Point, or maybe he’s angling at the presenter job?
13 June 2025
briskmarkus
got home from college to a copy of the cd waiting for me, thoroughly enjoying the album. big fan of the art on the back of the case.
mcalliog and his hens is my top song of the album right now.
particularly like the line
“hens lend a hand,
hens know the land,
beaks to the ground,
villains in the pound”
still haven’t caught the words to all the songs, will be relistening hard to understand what’s said
13 June 2025
Quantocks checker outer
@Tute. I love that line too. Moreso I think it’s the increasingly extravagant and outlandish couplets needed to keep the rhyme going through the whole song that warms the cockles
13 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Quantocks Checker Outer. Yes, definitely. My cockles are practically glowing, but that could be the Penge.
13 June 2025
transit full of keith
‘Birmos in the Cowshed’ packs quite the emotional punch. What a song.
13 June 2025
Manford Thirty-sixborough
My copy has finally arrived. I have no expectation of playing it, since I have no CD player, and have been listening all day on Spotify, but was persuaded to make the purchase partly on the basis of the comment at the top about it being not unreasonable, and partly because of Gideon Coe’s tease about ‘McCalliog and his Hens’ being explained on the sleeve. It was worth the wait for the pay-off.
As an album, it’s always a relief when a new release from a band you like lives up to previous standards, and this certainly does. M&HH, ‘The Bliss of the Hereafter’ and ‘Possible Side Effects’ are early highlights, though there’s a lot of quality throughout, and no noticeable weak spots.
13 June 2025
The Citizen
Long time lurker. First time poster.
Falmouth Electrics and Jacks Been The National are my top picks so far. The line give him an inch of encouragement he’ll take a yard of ale has usurped re-releasing B sides as line of the album, for today anyway
And that Bass ! As a fellow Neil I salute you
13 June 2025
John Anderson
Anyone else in the UK not had their CD delivered? After a day at Lord’s I expected to find it on the doormat but nothing. And the Proper Records tracking note has expired.
13 June 2025
Camomile fluck
‘Jack’ sounds very much like the pr*ck in ‘Big Man Up Front’.
13 June 2025
Stringy Bob
Record Store Day feels like the spiritual successor to Running Order Squabble Fest
13 June 2025
kittymc
Be-bop-a-loo-la! Just fantastic, as ever. What a magical world – snorting destriers, kiln dried logs, SPITE BILE HATRED AND VITRIOL … giddy stuff. And those memories striding cocksure through the mist – what a great line. With you @ Transit full of Keith on the emotional punch there.
And with you @ Cheryl on Neil’s vocals at the end of Possible Side Effects – just beautiful. And the surprising, needlessly silly pronunciation of ‘hay-er’ is comic genius.
Current favourite is Birmos in the Cowshed, but it’s all great. As for that Jack character, instantly recognisable, thoroughly shoddy apology of a human being, the type we’ve all met. Looking forward to dissecting in more detail.
Has anyone else been startled by the clucking at the end of McCalliog and his Hens? Has caught me out several times now, even though it’s a song about McCalliog and his hens, and I shouldn’t be surprised.
Feeling mild euphoria, am off to listen again, and then again. Thanks for this site Chris, is great to be able to share the joy.
Oh, and is someone’s Montirex linting or are my ears full of cloth?
Happy time!
13 June 2025
kittymc
Sorry, correction, it’s BILE SPITE HATRED and VITRIOL. CQTM
13 June 2025
Ian Wolf
@John Anderson My CD has yet to arrive, but I did order it relatively late compared to some of the other people here.
The album is continuing to move up the charts. On iTunes it is currently now No. 11 in the main chart, and No. 5 in the Alternative genre.
13 June 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
Royal Mail are promising me that mine will arrive tomorrow lunchtime…
13 June 2025
Exxo
We are currently far away from postal or retail possibilities, but had it on Spotify in the van a few times today while pootling around the Rhins today. Wonderful.
I am told Neil composed 4 of the tunes, but I don’t know which any more than you do, so if anyone wants to play guess the Neily ones, and see who gets most, that could be extra fun, ‘cos I am a right old guessy Billy Quizz as you know.
Because its all a bit Spotify for me until sometime next week I won’t be guessing meself just yet though (FAO Neil no hints or answers or “you got two out of fours” yet please, ta – can we leave that a week or so maybes).
Oh and folks, maybe try not to use initials only when naming/discussing tracks. If you don’t have the tracklist to hand it’s v. diff/severe to work out what song the initials stand for. Please use at least one distinctive identifying word. Ta if you can.
13 June 2025
JT
“Oh I do like to re-release me b side
I do like an overpriced lp”
13 June 2025
Chris The Siteowner
All chart position information is very welcome from those who follow such things. I assume the highest it’ll reach will be in next week’s “Midweek Chart” if such a thing still exists. The last couple of albums made the top 40 (just!) for the full first week, which the band had never before achieved.
And of course until then, there’s the Apple iTunes Store download chart, where it’s currently number 11 (thanks Ian W).
13 June 2025
Half Matt Half Biscuit
Not an instant grower as I found Voltarol to be, but even so, plenty there to enjoy for the next listen.
I’ve visited Falmouth every January for the last three years when my best mate visits his parents. I just want to confirm I’ve never expressed any liking for Gauhaus so it can’t have been about me.
13 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@KittyMC. The second listening of McCalliog for me. With earphones in. Was in the back garden and thought a neighbour was laughing at me over the wall.
13 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Also I have to say I’d never heard of Record Store Day as a concept. Asked Mrs Tutor if she had. She had. I explained the song and she said ‘It’s clichéd to be cynical on Record Store Day.’ Food for thought, I’m sure.
13 June 2025
Alex
The album would’ve been no. 8 on itunes if Brian Wilson hadn’t chosen this inopportune time to permanently put his surf board in the loft.
13 June 2025
Hemmed in by the larch
@JohnAnderson
Proper sent me a “Your shipment is on the way” email yesterday but the Royal Mail Tracking Number didn’t work until late afternoon today. Unfortunately it says “We’re expecting it” rather than giving me a delivery date. I didn’t get the “sorry for the delay” email that some others have mentioned.
In some ways, not receiving the album as expected today has just heightened the anticipation and I’m loving the excitement and joy in this message thread!
13 June 2025
HORROR CLOWN
Love it! And I now feel the urge to sponsor a gorilla at Bristol Zoo…. Or a guerilla. Not fussed really.
Either way, it’s got to be easier than trying to get my trestle table back off Beth Tweddle, anyhow?
13 June 2025
AlNapp
No CD here but as I have no player and see it more as “subs paid” I’m digesting it on Deezer.
Grabbing me quicker than TVY, but equally hasn’t reduced me to tears yet like NCAYCH etc.
13 June 2025
On a Sunless Day
Some poultry pedantry/information. In the inner part of the CD notes, there are no leghorns as promised in the text. Instead all the hens feeding and the one at the front left are Isa Browns, perhaps the commonest laying hen. The variety of hen that Mr Warnock is holding is more difficult to identify but is likely either a Buff Sussex or a Brown Sussex. Holding a hen’s foot betwen thumb and forefinger is definitely not recommended as the hen will take umbrage and squawk off.
Now I can go and listen to the actual CD.
13 June 2025
BLIGHTED RAY
Possible Side Effects. That Robert Hoffmann line. Wow.
13 June 2025
Leigh
First listen and for some reason I was taken back 25 years to my first listen of ToB and remembering the person who had filled in those post 86 gaps for me and yes, this is good, thank you Malcom and for other reasons, thank you, Julie.
13 June 2025
Quantocks checker outer
@HorrorClown. I’m not so sure about the gorilla – Bristol Zoo closed down a couple of years ago. Maybe they should have had more talking monkeys and/or tins of custard to bring the crowds in.
13 June 2025
John Anderson
Thanks for the heads up on the late arrival of my physical copy, I mainly want it in order to read the sleeve notes.
I’ve had a couple of listens on Spotify and I really like the slightly softer, more folky sound on much of the album. Of the six tracks I’d already heard, RSD, McCalliog and Goodbye Sam were my favourites.
The rest are great too, especially Falmouth Electrics and Possible Side Effects which are both quite magnificent. I do hope many of these songs are incorporated into the set-list at the forthcoming gigs.
13 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@The Citizen. Yes! Loved the inch/yard line. Sorry. Really conscious of spoilers. Even after years of being unfashionably late to the party.
13 June 2025
eric t'viking
After initially being a little impatient, I’m now warming to this (non)distribution of the new cd. It puts me in mind of the way the band kind of amble onto the stage, like they’ve taken a wrong turning somewhere…
13 June 2025
john tansey
Nothing of value to contribute other than: It genuinely and authentically makes life worth living. If guys like that are doing stuff like this, it really can’t be that bad. I do mean that. But McCalliog and his Hens is fucking brilliant. Life affirming
13 June 2025
Persian rug venðoŕ
Re 511, still waiting for mine
13 June 2025
CHRIST IN DOROTHY PERKINS
I have been advised in the past to post under a Nom de Biscuit. It was hard to settle but I found one that reps my favourite song.
Appreciating that I am a latecomer, I will still stick a flag down and say the last four albums are my favourites. The wit is ludicrously honed and the chord progressions are so tasty.
Obviously I do review the archive and have my favourites, but if you tell me Bob Wilson Anchorman is better than Terminus, we’ll have words.
13 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
@KittyMc, that line has been doing my head in. I’d got “Montirex” , I think you’re right about “linting”, but what the hell is the first bit?
13 June 2025
Exxo
@John. I never received the copy of ‘No-one Cares’ I ordered from Probe, and never got round to doing anything about it (as Bobby Svarc took pity on me and sent me MP3s anyway). It means I’ve never seen the famous ‘Hedge’ crossword, but at least it means I can surely claim some sort of record, if I am still possibly (not pretending that I am) hoping for delivery?
13 June 2025
Exxo
@Keith. What song is the Montirex linting thing?
14 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
@Exxo. It’s “No One Likes A Polymath”
14 June 2025
Exxo
Ah OK, plenty of delights in the poetry yet to uncover there.
14 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
(Should wait for the song page to go up for queries like that though, soz.)
14 June 2025
norton folgate
@Chris the siteowner I subscribe to Music Week and follow the charts all week on the Official Charts Company website. I am also mates with the bloke who does the reissues for Chrysalis’ catalogue so have several ways of getting data.
The last album would have charted quite bit higher if the vinyl album had been released on the same day as the CD, but from memory they were a couple of months apart so the sales were split over two completely separate weeks. *
In the meantime I would suggest that everyone with a paid streaming subscription listens to the album that way even if you’ve purchased a copy. You need to stream the album a lot to count as a sale, but if you buy it on vinyl and CD AND then stream it all week on a paid account that will be 3 or 4 sales instead of 2.
This is a ‘golden age’ run of chart positions for me having bought Sparks number 2 album three weeks ago and about 15 copies of Pulp’s number one over the last week. I still have several Pulp variants to track down. Where’s my mortgage when I need one?
Depending on what else is new out this week I can see HMHB getting in the top 20 on Friday and certainly being top 10 in the indie chart. It should also be comfortably top 20 on the physical sales album chart.
* Just checked and the vinyl was 5 months after the CD! On the physical sales chart on the respective release weeks the positions were 9 and 23. On the sales chart (inc downloads, but NOT streams) they were 10 and 27. Had they both been released in March they would have fared much better in the charts. As it was it sold 2269 in that first week in March, only 836 copies behind Kanye who was that week’s number 20. If it sold anywhere near 836 vinyl copies in August 2022 it would certainly have been top 30 and may have cracked the top 20.
Back in May 18 NOCAYCH,SGYFuckin’HC had become their first top 40 album with 2335 sales and number 33 with a bullet. Proof if proof be need be that HMHB first week album sales are actually going up.
14 June 2025
Ian Wolf
@Chris Thanks very much. Overnight the band’s iTunes positions remain the same. They are also up to No. 7 on the Amazon chart.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Best-Sellers-Albums/zgbs/digital-music-album/
@Norton Folgate I agree with you on the golden age thing. It’s the reason why comedy punks The Kunts were able to get three top ten songs despite getting no air-play or mentions.
14 June 2025
Horror Clown
@horror clown 526 above. What a twist! There’s two of us with the same name. So the actually killer was another horror clown.
14 June 2025
dr DEsperate
@TFOK
No spoilers, but I have those lines in No-oneLAP as possibly involving two types of sportswear, a warhorse, a children’s fantasy series and a Bavarian municipality (which may need resolving for Placename Bingo purposes).
14 June 2025
Great big whopper with shit for brains
#518 Thank you! I thought it was just me. (The initials thing, that is).
14 June 2025
North end ket wig lid
It’s “North End ket wig lids in Montirex.”
14 June 2025
Idristhechiseller
With Proper Records and Royal Mail conspiring to deprive me of the album on release day, I was forced to stream it on the way to work this morning. It’s not optimal for a first listen, and I wasn’t as overwhelmed as I was with TVY.
The overall experience was possibly more akin to Hubfuck-the first HMHB I bought on release-in that it didn’t quite click until one track hammered home the genius. Back then, it was Renfield’s Afoot. This time, it was Falmouth Electrics which had me laughing out loud in the queue to get off the M6 (the Garstang exit, although I was going the other way, having already navigated Thelwall viaduct). Hubfuck is possibly my favourite ever album by anyone, so this augurs well, although overall it feels like a less personal record than the last two.
14 June 2025
John Anderson
Royal Mail have advised me via email that my CD will arrive today. I hope that’s true of everyone else who’s still waiting.
14 June 2025
parsfan
A preliminary review on Mantra Filled Oompah.
14 June 2025
Hemmed in by the larch
@JohnAnderson #549 Yes, mine is due to arrive between 0900 and 1300 today.
14 June 2025
Shroppiemon
I asked chatgpt to write a review in the form of a HMHB song
“All Asimov and No Fresh Air”
(To the tune of “Joy Division Oven Gloves”)
In the glow of a screen, I sit and I stare,
All Asimov and no fresh air.
No more walks in the park, no more sun,
Just robots and spaceships, and I’m the only one.
The world outside is a distant dream,
While I’m lost in a digital stream.
The air is thick with data and code,
As I journey down this lonely road.
All Asimov and no fresh air,
A future that’s beyond compare.
But in my room, it’s just me and my chair,
All Asimov and no fresh air.
(Spoken)
I used to dream of walking on Mars,
But now I just scroll through memes and gifs from afar.
The stars are out there, but I’m stuck in here,
With Asimov’s words and a can of beer.
So here’s to the future, so bright and so clear,
But I’ll stay inside with my sci-fi gear.
All Asimov and no fresh air,
In this digital world, I haven’t a care.
14 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Shroppiemon. I see the chips and wires.
14 June 2025
Ian Wolf
Got my copy of the CD this morning.
14 June 2025
Matt R
@Exxo @Kittymac and others.
It’s ‘Northend ketwig lids in Montirex’ in Polymath.
14 June 2025
Matt R
@Exxo @Kittymac and others.
It’s ‘Northend ketwig lids in Montirex’ in Polymath.
14 June 2025
nige nnto
Disappointed. Thought Borth (Gorth?) should have been a shoe in for Falmouth Electrics
14 June 2025
Alex
After numerous plays, can’t be quite sure of the line that precedes ‘Great big whopper’. Anyone nailed it yet?
14 June 2025
BLIGHTED RAY
#556
Here’s to your Native American name….
14 June 2025
kittymc
@ Transit full of Keith and Dr Desperate – something about a village in the civil parish of Daresbury? Or something north of said village?
@ The Tutor with the Beard and Polio – re: being started by non-existent hens. Thank you, glad it’s not just me! Hope relations with your neighbour remain cordial.
@ John Tansey – ‘genuinely and authentically makes life worth living’ – heartily concur.
14 June 2025
Persian rug venðoŕ
Still waiting for mine!
14 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@KittyMC. I’m sure we’re not the only ones. My neighbour works for Iceland (where there’s something rotten in the back of) and will often lunge over the wall exclaiming ‘Jaffa cakes!’ or things of that ilk, whilst proferring some item that’s past its sell-by. This has made me jump more than once, so the chicken thing was actually a welcome respite because it meant he wasn’t laughing at me or offering me out of date goods that I don’t want.
14 June 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
Apparently my parcel has been delivered. Ah, but I wouldn’t know ‘cos I’m 23 miles away.
14 June 2025
Poloneckjean
@Alex 556
So here’s to your Native American name, Great Big Whopper with Shit for Brains
14 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
@KittyMc @DrD. Feels like the start of the line should describe the approaching mob, sportswear-clad, astride the war-horses … not a place name. I think.
14 June 2025
Alex
Thanks ‘Ray’ (#557) and ‘Jean’ (#562)
14 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
It’s just occurred to me that McCalliog and his hens may have caught the poor protagonist from ‘Excavating Rita’.
14 June 2025
Robert Plummer
Er, wave of indifference from the press? The fact is, the band refused to make advance review copies available. I know because I made inquiries on behalf of Louder Than War. Talk about self-sabotage…
14 June 2025
Nick Walters
Mine arrived this morning, along with the new issue of Viz.
What a joyous Saturday!
Now to brew a pot of tea and give it a listen, I only exposed myself to Horror Clowns (as it were) so it’s almost all new to these ole ears.
Nick W
14 June 2025
Huddersfield's Very Own Steve Malkmus
I’ve been regaling crowds in Huddersfield by playing the new LP at a fair old volume as I crawl down Leeds Road in the traffic… As the crowds are all off to see Stereophonics I consider it an act of charity.
14 June 2025
Nick Walters
Well, wow.
Stunning
Early highlights:
Rawlplugs
Falmouth
Side Effects
Nick W
14 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Nick Walters. Just wait! It builds and builds.
14 June 2025
Embrace the margin
@kittymc. Also startled by McCalliog’s hens. First listen was late yesterday on headphones and I nearly fell out of the chair.
Whole thing is an absolute joy. “I’ve done 10,000 steps/I’ve reached Stygian depths” an early favourite.
14 June 2025
Nick Walters
It’s got a good mix of immediate songs and ones that are going to take a lot of working out. A good balance.
It’s also much lighter in tone than Voltarol though it has quite a lot of darkness in its grooves.
As someone else said upthread it’s wonderful to have this to seep into the brain over the coming weeks.
As a Bristolian I’m quite pleased that there are a number of West Country references on this album.
Nick W
14 June 2025
Nick H
Firstly – magnificent!
I find that some Biscuit albums have elements that hit you hit you immediately (Voltarol, Hedge), whereas others give up their gifts slower and more subtly. After one listen I think this falls into the latter. This is often no bad thing as it usually means hidden treasure yet to be noticed.
The last three tracks probably the highlights for me so far.
14 June 2025
Excavated rita
Chuffed to find a vinyl copy in the racks of my local independent record store in Kingston -Upon-Thames. Hurried to the counter where the chap next to me let out the tiresome ejaculation “Good grief! Are they still going?”
This from someone who was buying the most recent OMD release on cassette (Gauhaus Staircase). . I proffered the opinion that, while OMD are not without merit, they are not even the best band on the Wirral.
He appeared chastened but unconvinced.
14 June 2025
Gail aNdsonia
Wonderful! Mine arrived yesterday. Will soon be singing The Bliss of the Hereafter to myself when out on the bike. Another NB sign off lined up for us?
14 June 2025
Poopleby
I’ve only just logged on so please forgive me if either of these two comments has already been mentioned.
“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” – Isaac Asimov. Spoken like a true polymath.
Also, Isaac Asimov was the first author to have books in all ten sections of the Dewey decimal system of library classification. (Except maybe for the 100s but he disputed this).
More smartarse than polymath.
14 June 2025
AWKWARD Dave
Busy week, saw The Hitchers in Limerick on Thursday, Pulp in Dublin last Tuesday & PIL in Limerick last night, but the highlight so far is Falmouth Electrics
14 June 2025
GORDON BURNS
@ER It’s not often that I “lol”. But I really did when I read #578. Still chuckling as I write this.
14 June 2025
Huddersfield's Very Own Steve Malkmus
@Excavated Rita #578. Would that be Beggars Banquet on Eden Street? Spent many an afternoon rifling through the racks there when I should have been studying! And then confusing the bloke behind the counter by buying a Squarepusher album but also a Fugazi one… Or the other one near The Fighting Cocks pub?
14 June 2025
John Anderson
Upon listening to No-one Likes A Polymath, I recall that I picked Godalming in the placename sweepstakes.
As Wikipedia will confirm, Godalming lies on the northwestern side of the Weald.
I claim my £5.
14 June 2025
Exxo
@Matt – ta, lid :-) That has saved Mrs. Exford a lot of annoyance on this evening’s long car journey.
(By the way I asked Matt about this on another forum, knowing that thereupon lay some experts in lernin’ us the latest substance-abuse-related terminology from the European Capital of Innovative Insults.)
14 June 2025
Ian WOlf
Chart update: on iTunes, it’s slipped down to No. 13 having peaked at No. 11, but in the alternative chart it’s still at No. 5. On Amazon it also slipped to No. 9.
14 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
@MattR. Ha! Excellent. Cheers for that.
14 June 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Proper Music have said that they’ve “seen huge demand for the new HMHB album and taken the most pre-orders for them than ever before” and re-quoted the statement from Friday, already quoted by Mr Spokesman above, saying:
“Due to huge demand for the new album and a late technical issue, not all orders from Propermusic.com were able to be collected and posted out yesterday (Thursday), so some UK customers may not receive their order today (Friday) as expected. However, please don’t worry as we’ve arranged for an early collection by Royal Mail today and they are being posted out for delivery tomorrow (Saturday). Thank you so much for your patience and understanding, and enjoy the album, it’s a corker!”
14 June 2025
Chris The Siteowner
I’m told the album is currently no.7 in the official Top 40 from the outlets that have reported this week. It’ll probably drop as the week continues, but let’s hope it hangs on to a top 40 place!
14 June 2025
Poloneckjean
Having to ‘accept’ a ‘free’ amazon trial to hear the album whilst waiting for the cd. All present on spotify, apple and amazon then, but no youtube music yet (which of course, is the one I pay for)
I sense a change of tone lyrically, very angry in places, but still reflective and poetic in others. Jack might be the most brutal I’ve ever heard Nigel, and I love it.
14 June 2025
Pte sponge
Though I’d nab this moniker before someone else did. Love the album. Beats me why this band is so under the radar.
14 June 2025
Matt R
Pleased to be of service!
I heard that on a train journey north yesterday and, aside from giggling in public, did wonder what some would make of that particular phrase.
14 June 2025
Idresthechiseller
Giving the vinyl a spin now. I’ve managed to rip the inner sleeve, trying to slip it past the cellophane outer, but I’d have to admit the whole thing sounds way better when I’m not leaving it for my car stereo to interpret signals from my phone. As albums go, this is very much like the town hall band CD.
14 June 2025
Phyllis Triggs
As per Proper Records email, the CD arrived today, and it is indeed ‘a corker’. Others here have described it as a grower – it builds and builds – giving up gifts slower and more subtly – hidden treasure yet to be noticed – to seep into the brain in coming weeks – yes, yes and yes to all of that! Unlike Voltarol its not stopped me in my tracks – for me, there’s no stand-out wow factor like Slipping The Escort or Oblong Of Dreams – but it has kept me playing it again and again, all day. This is a different beast. New favourites emerge as the songs develop with each new listening. I’m now looking forward to playing this over the coming weeks just as much as I was looking forward to that initial hearing on album release day. Ask not, “Have you heard the new HMHB album?” but rather, “Are you listening to the new HMHB album?”
Thanks guys for putting this out into the world.
@John ‘genuinely and authentically makes life worth living’ and @Kittymac’s affirmation, I’m glad you said this – it means I’m not the only one to think this way! A health skirmish last year had me briefly considering my own mortality and no. 1 in the list of ‘Things That Would Matter If I Was Dead’ was missing out on any new HMHB songs!
‘North End ket wig lids in Montirex’
@North End and @Matt thanks for that. Was lost without your transcription. I thought it was some sort of Latin motto! The Scouse Urban Dictionary has now put me right.
Record Store Day – also rankles with the writer of this article:
https://louderthanwar.com/the-great-vinyl-record-buying-swindle-unexpurgated-version/
War horse/Cart horse joke: see also brand new penny/Firth Of Forth – one is shiny bright…
14 June 2025
Joe Leandros
Badly need a goal at Field Mill – been there, 4 draws an almost impossibility.
14 June 2025
IN MY BEDROOM IN NANTWICH
There’s going to be some intriguing pool games in the next Lux Familiar Cup
14 June 2025
Half Matt Half Biscuit
And like that, the second listen clicked for me. At once fresh in its direction, but pleasingly familiar at the same time.
14 June 2025
Ian Wolf
Latest chart update. HMHB remain at No. 9 on Amazon. On iTunes they have slipped down a bit further, currently No. 16 in the main chart and No. 7 in alternative.
15 June 2025
Pte sponge
Hello @Warden Hodges and thanks for recognising “a true great ‘extra’ with odd speaking part”. Do you still have dirt under your fingernails?
15 June 2025
Camomile fluck
Any thoughts on: “There’ll be bubbles on the surface of the Bering Strait”? I’m just getting sinister portents of approaching threat, partly metaphorical perhaps partly not. “One fine day, as you’re gassing at the gate”… that’s one of the things I love about NBs lyrics – this incredibly powerful stuff thrown in which you draw your own conclusions from. “Thirty Airbus giving it the big’un in the Town End seats” is another .
15 June 2025
Uffington Wassailer
@Quantocks Checker Outer.
Bristol Zoo did shut a couple of years ago but morphed into the Bristol Zoo Project. No longer in the cramped environs of Clifton, it can be found at:
Bristol Zoo Project,
Blackhorse Hill,
Bristol
BS10 7TP
I’m not sure if they have a gorilla any more, but perhaps a red river hog or a gelada can be sponsored.
Nice day out but always best to take a flask.
15 June 2025
EXXo
I’m assuming that the protagonist has set off to cycle solo round the world in an eastwards direction – no problems with the channel. But when he comes to the next impassable body of water like many a hapless cyclist in comedy cartoon capers he just carries on when the land ends, with the ensuing comedy bubbles.
[If any of you out there by the way have ever sworn to cycle to every place mentioned by HMHB, well surely this just redoubles your determination to achieve the feat or die trying]
15 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
I have very fond memories of my best friend at school reciting the nonsense poem ‘One fine in the middle of the night’. The only stanza he seemed to know was the second, which features the title. Any other stanza and I wouldn’t have been able to make the connection. I LOVE the pronunciation of that ‘Quart’.
15 June 2025
Camomile fluck
@Exxo… genuinely never thought of that :-) Then again what is it they say? “Once it’s out there it means whatever you want it to mean”. Just means it now means TWO things to me :-)
15 June 2025
Camomile fluck
Also I’m loving the Robert Hoffman ref at the end of “Possible Side Effects” which I already have up there with “Oblong of Dreams”, “Skipping the Escort” etc. Brilliant.
15 June 2025
Gok wan acolyte
Only listened once so reserving judgement so far, but I think I’d like to live in a world where “McCalliog and his hens” is a real TV show
15 June 2025
John Anderson
My wife has almost been reduced to tears of laughter listening to Falmouth Electrics. After composing herself, she pointed me in the direction of The Ventriloquist’s Dummy, a film starring Michael Redgrave which was part of a 1945 British horror anthology called Dead Of Night.
Not sure if it’s an inspiration or not but wouldn’t be surprised.
15 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
There was also a Batman character Arnold Wesker who suffered from a split personality disorder. He was very meek and mild but perpetrated crimes through a Scarface dummy.
15 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@GWA I would love to see how the telepathy would be portrayed.
15 June 2025
Nick Walters
Robert Hoffman – is this a Robinson Crusoe thing? Cos that’s what he is most famous for in the UK. There is also a younger Robert Hoffman but I don’t think it refers to him.
Falmouth Electrics reminded me strongly of the 1978 film Magic, an early role for Anthony Hopkins, in which he plays a disturbed young man who has a vents doll called Fats. If you’ve not seen this, it’s well worth seeking out. It’s absolutely terrifying.
Nick W
15 June 2025
GoK Wan Acolyte
@John Anderson That was my immediate reaction to‘Falmouth Electrics’ too. Given that apparently Nigel is a fan of Talking Pictures TV, where Dead of Night has been shown several times, it’s quite likely to be an influence
@The Tutor I’m thinking The Tomorrow People style (which also allows for Flintlock (qv) crossover)
15 June 2025
dic aberdaron
if you do get around to watching magic the puppet quotes a line from a previous album
15 June 2025
CARRIE ANNE
Robert Hoffmann (he must despair) is the actor who played the lead in the 1960s series The Adventures of Robinson Crusoe.
This line is utterly brilliant. It immediately brought to mind the unforgettable music from the series, together with the desperation and yearning that the protagonist of this song feels about Lucy Ann. Had me sobbing like a baby.
15 June 2025
Nick Walters
I can’t remember ever seeing this but the music is familiar so I must have:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdYiebqyhs4
What a wonderful, evocative theme tune,
15 June 2025
Huddersfield's Very Own Steve Malkmus
I’d expect a theremin would be involved in the portrayal of McCalliog communing with his feathered assistants… or at least a recording of a theremin from the archives.
15 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
The lyrical melody at the start of polymath reminds me of a more melancholic ‘Take A Walk On The Wildside’.
15 June 2025
John Anderson
The riff from Possible Side Effects is eerily reminiscent of something else. REM? Psychedelic Furs? It’s doing my head in. Any ideas?
15 June 2025
Woodnoggin
It definitely reminded me of later period REM. A bit E-Bow the Letter perhaps? I couldn’t find an exact match when I checked earlier.
15 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@John Anderson. Slide Away by Oasis?
15 June 2025
John Anderson
No, it’s not that. Although I can see where you’re coming from.
15 June 2025
John Anderson
Maybe The Cure. Can’t think of which track though.
15 June 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
‘Possible Side Effects’ shares its key and chords with ‘Bad Wools’ (Ebm/B), except it’s doubled, if that makes sense.
While we’re in “all our songs sound the same” territory, I found myself starting to sing “Come see the townsfolk keenly gathered round the gibbet“ when I heard the opening chords to ‘Yvonne’, although they’re in different keys.
15 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
The start of McCalliog makes me want to sing ‘There’s a girl, I’m told, who rolls her eyes.’
15 June 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
I read that comment just as McCalliog started. Clucking hell!
15 June 2025
Nick Walters
I’m Going Out Of My Mind… reminds me of Everything’s AOR.
15 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
I think there’s a bit of the “King of High Vis” riff in “Birmos” as well, but I’m not complaining.
15 June 2025
EXXo
@John. Cure-wise, I wonder if you’re thinking of the dur-dur, doo doo riff behind ‘A Night Like This?’
Is something similar to that riff played faster by HMHB on ‘Bad Wools’ (and by Fontaines DC for ‘Too Real’)? And then slowed down again by HMHB here?
(I’m not suggesting any influence of course, just trying to help with what sounds similar to what)
15 June 2025
EXXo
If you want spooky, then yesterday Spotify played us Pete Murphy singing Ziggy Stardust right after “got any Gauhaus?”
And yes, Anthony Hopkins in ‘Magic’ is top quality work, and that’s coming from someone who hates Hollywood and horror/thriller films in general. will have to re-watch to find the line Dic A referred to.
Oh and then there’s the spooky resemblance between the young Anthony Hopkins and Chris McCausland.
15 June 2025
dic aberdaron
when you hear it, you’ll exclaim
ah! sweet mystery of life. at last i’ve found you!
“
15 June 2025
kittymc
@ MATTR and NORTH END KET WIG LID – Thank you so much. I wouldn’t have deciphered that in a million years. (In my mind’s eye those tracksuits will be forever linting, though the Scouse dictionary suggests that would be the least of a ketwig lid’s concerns – HMHB, always an education.)
Where would we be without the wonderful assistance of our pals?
I see shades of the Unfortunate Gwatkin in Polymath, though Isaac seems a far less sympathetic character all told. If I had to pick sides, I would probably be with the North End boys on this one. Clever clogs, for all his learning, seems incapable of perceiving how others might perceive him and is thus blind to the impending threat. LOL.
Also put me in mind of Persian Rug Sale a bit at times, Edward IV on self-scan and what-not. But perhaps that’s just me? Lovely strings on there too.
@ Tutor with the Beard and Polio – your neighbour sounds both kind and irksome. Stale Jaffa Cakes – ho ho. I was also listening with headphones when startled by clucking (twice). I don’t have the physical CD yet, am hoping it comes with a warning in large bold print. We’re all getting on a bit.
@ Transit Full of Keith, with you on King of Hi-Vis and Birmos and also not complaining.
I’ll be getting to Castleton in July via the Belfast ferry into Birkenhead’s North End. Cabin booked, am very excited.
15 June 2025
THE BASTARD IN THE HAT
I agree with FreeParkerPen 2 (#446) and Iguana Andy (#481) — the mix is poor, it’s over-compressed, and the vocals are obscured on most tracks. (I’ve listened on Spotify, which is not ideal, but there was a huge increase in clarity when Evening of Swing came on as the next track.) It’s putting me off.
15 June 2025
Huddersfield's Very Own Steve Malkmus
Had my first hen-startling earlier, for a moment I thought it was a loose manhole cover!
15 June 2025
Nick H
Completely agree with Carrie Anne (#613). The Robert Hoffman line is THE lyric of the album for me.
15 June 2025
Nick Walters
I don’t know about the mix being off and the vocals being obscured, I have no problem hearing any of them.
Sounds alright coming out of my Denon anyway.
Or perhaps I’m deaf after all those gigs I’ve been to.
Also every album has a different sound, this has a churn and murk about it that brings to mind Dragnet by The Fall.
15 June 2025
CATHEDRAL JUICE
@ KITTYMC With you on Isaac. Though my memory was jogged in a dark direction by:
Here where the gods are put to flight
Such pride, such bluster, such conceit
Girdled vengeance…
Together with the Ecclesiastes verse, the lines reminded me of Krzysztof Kieślowski’s Dekalog: One. It’s on the theme of “I am the Lord thy God […] Thou shalt have no other gods before me”, and excessive faith in reason and science has a serious and distressing outcome.
I’m wondering whether the invasive seeds (timothy? I don’t think St Augustine would thrive in that climate) were sown so as to spell out Ecclesiastes 1:18, or just for general disruptive effect. I like to think the former.
15 June 2025
MATTL
Haven’t listened to the vinyl copy yet but have played the album about 8 times through my little Apple HomePod mini and can’t pick up on any mixing issues but my hearing isn’t great. (See some of my terrible lyric guesses for the last album)
Really enjoying it.
15 June 2025
Idristhechiseller
No issues with the mix for me, and even if there were, Steve Hoffman remains my preferred whinging site, but I listened to it on headphones for the first time today and was genuinely startled by the sound effects on McCalliog And His Hens.
15 June 2025
EXXO
My experience on release day, listening over and over on a van stereo, saw me using a ‘graphic equaliser’ type set up for the first time in over 30 years, and treble slammed all the way down to 1 (one) out of 11 seemed to do the job. Adequate sound, tremendous fun.
15 June 2025
NasebyJutland
Bering Strait bubbles – big enough to swallow ships, apparently. https://www.forbes.com/sites/davidbressan/2019/10/18/volcano-forms-giant-bubbles-large-enough-to-swallow-an-entire-ship/
15 June 2025
Treadmore
CD ordered from Seeds Records, arrived Friday.
Like @STEFF, it’s growing on me…
15 June 2025
Paul f
@NJ (639) – superb find.
16 June 2025
Horror Clown 1/2
@Nick Walters 610 above. Surely being afraid of a dummy is like being afraid of a horror clown but smaller?
16 June 2025
guerillamarque
Hi all, this is my first comment on the site but have been an avid follower for years.
On my way to work and listening to the new album on the train. Nearly choked on my coffee when I realised what the punchline is to the ‘I say, I say, I say’ joke was at the end of ‘Record Store Day’. Still chuckling now
16 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
I watched Anthony Hopkins (he must despair) in ‘Magic’ last night. What a bloody fantastic film. Can’t believe I’ve never heard of it before. And now I know where he got his duologue with himself/death at the start of ‘Meet Joe Black’ from. Many thanks for recommending it, Dic A.
16 June 2025
Ian Wolf
Morning chart update: on Amazon it has slipped to No. 14, while on iTunes it is now No. 27 on the main chart and No. 8 in alternative. The official charts do their update this morning I believe.
16 June 2025
John Anderson
@Tutor
With reference to your post #603. The full nonsense rhyme as I remember it was:
One fine day, in the middle of the night,
Two dead men went out to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
16 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@John Anderson.
I’ve found a longer version and I do recall someone (but not the friend from school) quoting the third stanza before. Possibly my dad, possibly someone I work with.
Ladies and Gentlemen, skinny and stout,
I’ll tell you a tale I know nothing about;
The Admission is free, so pay at the door,
Now pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight;
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A blind man came to watch fair play,
A mute man came to shout “Horray!”
A deaf policeman heard the noise and
Came to stop those two dead boys.
He lived on the corner in the middle of the block,
In a two-story house on a vacant lot;
A man with no legs came walking by,
and kicked the lawman in his thigh.
He crashed through a wall without making a sound,
into a dry creek bed and suddenly drowned;
The long black hearse came to cart him away,
But he ran for his life and is still gone today.
I watched from the corner of the big round table,
The only eyewitness to facts of my fable;
But if you doubt my lies are true,
Just ask the blind man, he saw it too
16 June 2025
Third rate les
I love the build up to the (what sounds like) organ blast at the end of the final song as well as the “I’m not a rock, nor am I an island” line. Love the violin on Polymath. Love the clever hens. Love the sourness of Falmouth Electrics. We have a foster cat at the moment who has been badly overfed and isn’t very bright, so he now has a wonderfully apt Native American name.
Not a sure what Birmos are, or who Ben Shepherd is, and that’s a mean line. One or two sound like inter-song comedy interludes which don’t quite add up to songs.
But it’s growing on me, as they always do, and despite my best efforts to be miserable.
16 June 2025
paul f
Birmos are apparently a variation on the Oxford bags (Birmingham bags) style of trousers that were common in the 70s. Combined with “silkies on the wrist” it evokes a very particular time in football fan culture, there being a fashion for thin “silk” football scarfs that could be tied to your wrist. Somewhere there is a photo of a very young Paul F wearing “silkies on his wrist” and carrying a hatchet, at the behest of his older, 70s terrace-dwelling brother.
16 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Third Rate Les. Ben Shephard is a TV presenter of almost Partidgeon depths.
16 June 2025
Cathedral juice
Ben Shephard: he too must despair, and that’s surely a fitting tribulation. A prime candidate for any updated version of God Gave Us Life, to judge by his on-screen persona at least.
16 June 2025
Half Matt Half Biscuit
I wonder if Jack from the National is a friend of John McNamara?
16 June 2025
dic aberdaron
the album sounds great, both on CD and vinyl. recorded wonderfully. vocals are well clear. maybe it’s a encoding problem that you’ve experienced
16 June 2025
EXXo
I must admit I had to google Ben Shepherd, like so many daytime/primetime TV Biscuit references, and noted that he has appeared in the annual ‘Soccer Aid’ in that Manchester, more than once. He does apparently share his ski holiday snaps online.
By coincidence, last evening Mrs. Exxo tuned in to the second half of this year’s ‘Soccer Aid,’ with me never having seen it before. No Ben Shepherd, but it was good to see a former victim of live versions of ‘God Gave us Life,’ Paddy McGuinness, conceding 5 second half goals to cost his side the match. OK, the keeper had the excuse that 4 of them were scored by a rather highly motivated Carlos Tevez, but his effort for Big Zuu’s near post winner was far from top gear.
16 June 2025
NICK WALTERS
It’s funny, but although the lyrics of Jack’s Been To The National are meant to be spiteful, especially the climactic Native American name, I find that song to be incredibly sad, the picture it paints of this hapless, bumbling, lonely idiot, ‘on his own most nights.’ He seems harmless, and his ex-wife sounds a nasty piece of work, though we don’t know the background to the divorce. Goes to show the power of Nigel’s writing, what at first seems like a vitriolic diss track in fact has hidden depths.
16 June 2025
John Anderson
I don’t know much about Ben Shephard’s TV career but I’ve met him and he’s a very nice chap (unlike some in his profession). If there was an avalanche I’d hope to catch the name Ben Shephard as a survivor.
The vitriol seems a little harsh in this case. See also: Jim Beglin.
16 June 2025
ALEX
My first thought is that it’s a trifle harsh on Ben Shepherd: he’s no Kelvin McKenzie for sure. Maybe Micah Richards being used in live performances of GGUL spared him inclusion.
No published reviews on Amazon yet, so have just sent one in.Had to submit using work’s Amazon account as mine was suspended from submitting reviews following my opinions on Matt Hancock’s book which they, correctly, concluded was from someone who had not read the wretched man’s publication.
16 June 2025
Ian WOlf
@Alex I send a review of the album to Amazon as well, but it doesn’t seem to have gone up yet.
16 June 2025
Idristhechiseller
I’d say Jack’s less the hapless loner from Little In The Way Of Sunshine, reduced to sharing tips about the HMV sale with strangers, than he is another version of the protagonist from Big Man Up Front unable to accept why Georgia Mae’s mum won’t forgive him for killing the dog. This might be because I’m biased against people from Mobberley; my one memory of the place being an actual pushchair related confrontation in the Smokehouse.
16 June 2025
Idristhechiseller
Also, Ben Shepherd is almost pathologically inoffensive to the extent brighter minds could construct a metaphor involving Kate Thornton (or someone more current). No idea what he’s done to inspire Nigel’s ire.
16 June 2025
EXXo
Blimey, I knew it was national take your Cat to work Day, marking the start of National Refuse and Recycling Worker’s’ Week (which lasts for 9 days of course), National Fresh Veggies Day, World Refill Day, Arborist Appreciation Day, International Day of Family Remittances, Waterfalls Day, World Sea Turtle Day, the start of the coarse river fishing season, and it’s Bloomsday in Dublin of course, and i even remembered that today would be the 62nd birthday of the lad who used to sit behind me at school, but I didn’t realise that National Fudge Day involved a day of sympathy for victims of the wrath of the Bard.
16 June 2025
paul f
@Alex – how do they expect to publish any reviews of Hancock’s book if they insist on people reading it?
16 June 2025
paul f
I have visited Mobberley just once. We ended up there as part of a tedious “scavenger hunt” style work team-building exercise. The final clue for the venue for the evening’s enforced “fun” (Mobberley Cricket Club) was “It’s MCC, but it’s not Lord’s, and it’s a “mere lobby””. Several car loads of competitors put such little effort into decoding this clue, that they headed towards Mere Country Club and got caught in gridlocked traffic heading away from the Cheshire Flower Show. I think they got off lightly to be honest.
16 June 2025
EXXo
ooh @Idris, I was still hoping the dog survived. Airbags all over the shop in those Jeeps. TEN airbags according to a bit of a google just now.
Bet she forgave him for killing the woman, though.
For me Jack is closer to the shit dad in ‘Colombia’ than the protagonists of the other songs that listeners have compared above. Oh and before the separation he was a bit Paintball couple, a bit Elbow in Delamere.
16 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
I feel like Jack is his own unique brand of Dickhead. He’s certainly not as horrible as the bloke from ‘Big Man’
I believe Jack is childless and therefore not like the bloke from ‘Colombia’.
And I think the chap from ‘Little In The Way Of Sunshine’ is quite amiable. Certainly more amiable than some of the others.
And I think Jack can’t be compared to ‘Paintball’ because they are a pair as an entity. You get one, you get the other.
I do agree that I did actually feel a little sad for him at the ‘Most nights alone’ line, despite the fact that he’s clearly a dickhead.
16 June 2025
Quantocks checker outer
I think the clue to unlocking Jack is the fact that he doesn’t wear socks with his suit. That makes him a wrong’un on every level.
16 June 2025
EXXo
“Closer to” the shit dad in Colombia – I didn’t say I thought he was a dad (but if he becomes one, he’ll defo want to send them to futsal).
Can be compared to to Paintball, because by definition comparison involves pointing out degrees of similarity and difference on a scale of 0% to 100% similarity.
16 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
I’m sorry, Exxo. I’m not negating anyone’s comparisons. I enjoy them. Of course he can be compared to others. One thing I do feel with this more than other songs is that the person singing about him is actually saying ‘He’s a dickhead, but he’s our dickhead.’ It’s not spite, it’s unspoken commentary/advice.
16 June 2025
NICK WALTERS
Spot on, Tutor with, I get a sense of affection there, even in the Native American Name diss. Like the friendly way you can call your best mate a cunt.
16 June 2025
EXXo
We’ll agree to differ on that one. Golf, and some mutual acquaintances, seem to be the only things they have in common. I object to “spiteful,” used earlier by someone, because that suggests it’s unjustified.
Perhaps we need to research a scale of bile, based on linguistic clues, most obviously nouns like “twat,” “shit dad,” “prick,” “shit for brains” and christening party “arsehole.” We would need to have a panel of regional experts who could agree on how nasty words like “Whopper” and “ketwig” really are. Then we could take into account judgemental adjectives and adverbs. Plus of course we would have an estimate of degree of anger of delivery, from mildly mocking (Little in the Way of Sunshine) to seething rage (Evening of Swing). Surprised to have someone earlier in the thread scoring Jack so highly on the latter.
16 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
I can get on board with the spiteful objection. I was going to say some of my closest friends are golf nuts and I can’t stand it, but now I don’t know what that makes me. Just hope I’m not the Jack.
16 June 2025
Hemmed in by the larch
I might be wrong but I don’t think I’ve heard any swearing in this album. Not a single fuck to be given. I’m listening again just to be sure.
16 June 2025
BATWALKER
Horror Clowns and Jack’s Been To The National both have E for “Explicit” markers on Spotify. I assume the former was for “dickheads” (they’re not always terribly consistent about what does and does not constitute explicit content), but I don’t remember hearing any swearing in the latter. I’ll have to wait for the lyrics to be transcribed to be sure.
16 June 2025
cowshed birmo
I think it’s just another example of Nigel’s empathy, which I think the music also conveys well; yes Jack’s got ‘shit for brains’ but he wouldn’t want anything untoward to befall him – no ‘bricking up’ or such like, just looking at him with pathos.
16 June 2025
Cathedral juice
@ Tutor – I think if you’re worried about being the Jack, you have a level of self-awareness that means you aren’t.
Explicit content in Jack’s… : shit for brains, surely?
16 June 2025
parsfan
We would need to have a panel of regional experts who could agree on how nasty words like “Whopper”
Not remotely here, that’s why I’ve changed it to “walloper”. Despite the extra syllable it works in my head and going solo, not so much when singing along.
16 June 2025
Kernow Exile
I can confirm there is no HMV (Nor, never has been) in Falmouth.
Poor Ben Shepard ;)
16 June 2025
Ian Wolf
The official charts company has published a story about the current charts: the album is current at No. 11!
https://www.officialcharts.com/chart-news/chart-news/james-marriott-dont-tell-the-dog-number-1-album-midweek/
16 June 2025
Field Mill FTW
A few people commented on sound quality.
Sound was OK for me (CD, played on a decent quality system at home, with zero tweaking (used main system where the amp has no tone controls / EQ etc.))
I did listen to Horror Clowns online a while ago (cannot remember if YouTube, Spotify or other streamer) & that sounded quite poor in comparison to the CD, so might be an encoding issue on some digital formats (& was also on my other system, with cheaper amp & speakers and using Bluetooth streaming from laptop, all of which could affect quality (main system amp is old so no bluetooth, streaming etc. just RCA cables to connect!) ).
Enjoying it so far, I’m guessing from “Record Store day” I’m not the only person who thought “how much??” & walked away from a potential purchase after clocking the price tag*.
* For someone who does Record Store Day & likes vinyl do also get CDs (especially if via the post) – in this case partner was getting Asimov for me as Father’s Day gift so asked her to get the less risk of in the post damage option (as damaged gift would have irritated us both!)
..can’t remember what I last posted as, so new album linked temporary name, given I went to Field Mill many times as a kid
16 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
I find the vocals do get a bit buried on the louder tracks, but my speakers aren’t great, and I could largely rectify it by turning the bass down and the treble up a bit.
16 June 2025
norton folgate
Number 11 on the midweeks!
I’m just going to shout that:
NUMBER ELEVEN ON THE MIDWEEKS!
16 June 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Brilliant news, cheers NF. Although we should remember that The Voltarol Years was number 10 on the midweeks, and only just cracked the top 40 by the week end. But I have a good feeling about this.
16 June 2025
Stringy Bob
Anyone here got any Gauhaus? Could go for a bit of that
16 June 2025
norton folgate
Probably best not to use that abbreviation CTSO.
TLONF is probably more appropriate.
Everyone who has bought it now needs to stream the hell out of it if they’ve got a paid subscription with a streaming service.
Best figures I can find is that number 5 is on 3579 sales. I will dig out last week’s sales figures for comparison.
16 June 2025
Cathedral juice
@ TLONF Good advice – I’ve been caning it on Spotify, and will continue
@ Stringy Bob – how about Gela Lugosi’s Dead?
16 June 2025
Ian Wolf
@Stringy Bob Or what about Gurning from the Inside?
16 June 2025
norton folgate
This Week (Monday):
1 7,841
2 5,452
3 4,468
4 4,000
5 3,579
Last week:
1 29,948 (Wednesday 26,966) (Monday 23,603)
2 14,827 (Wednesday 12,105) (Monday 7,957)
3 14,115 (Wednesday 10,653) (Monday 7,946)
5 8,643 (Wednesday 5,947) (Monday 4,797)
4 9,965 (Wednesay 5,943) (Monday 3,941)
6 7,788 —————–(Monday 3,562)
7 6,866 —————–(Monday 3,226)
8 5,916——————(Monday 2,909)
9 5,815
10 4,977
11 4,964
12 4,846
16 4,792
17 4,751
24 4,298
26 4,138
34 3,586
38 3,280
59 2,527
64 2,470
This all suggests the required sales for each position will be significantly lower than they were last week.
I’m going to predict number 19. There, I’ve said it.
16 June 2025
EXXo
@639 & @641
Hmm. Equipped with a near-photographic memory of the world map that was displayed above my bed as a child, I pictured in my mind how the Aleutian chain mentioned in the article forms the Southern limit of the Bering Sea, an area of nearly 3 million square km, and with the Bering Straits forming the northern limit of said area, I decided to do a quick measurement. yep those bubbles are over 1,000 km from the start of the actual Bering Straits, and anyway as the article says they aren’t on the surface (though other articles tell me that can happen too).
16 June 2025
EXXo
Bering Strait. I will correct myself on that several times before I am done.
16 June 2025
EXXo
And (@686) 639 and 641 were (still are in fact) dialling codes for Wallasey and B’head, so ain’t that another spooky one.
16 June 2025
Chris The Siteowner
I’m now streaming the album 24/7 on repeat on Apple Music. I was always told about 100 plays of a 12-song album on a paid-for streaming account was equivalent to a single sale; is that still (or was it ever) the case? And do I have to be streaming from the UK for it to contribute to the UK album charts?
16 June 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
Don’t know about Apple Music but it looks like 100 Spotify Premium plays of an album = 1 sale, and 600 if it’s played through a free account.
If posts on Bluesky talking about the album counted towards sales, they’d be higher up the charts than Pulp.
16 June 2025
kittymc
@ Cathedral Juice (635). Well, that was an education. I confess I’d never heard of Krzysztof Kieślowski nor* his Dekalog, and suspected you might have been mischievously citing some obscure tract merely to demonstrate your erudition, like a right old clever-clogs. But it seems Krzysztof Kieślowski is VERY famous and I am indeed a primitive creature of the heath. The ketwig of the tale, in fact.
Anyway, I read the summary of Dekalog 1 and certainly get the comparison (the homeless man and … don’t want to spoil it for anyone else). Have to say, it all sounds very grim, but I might give it a go at some point. I mean, I DID read James Kelman once. Just the once, like.
*Am bracing for a nor/or debate to come barging into the conversation at any moment …
16 June 2025
BATWALKER
Yes, “shit for brains” is probably the explicit content. I wasn’t really taking notes, to be honest.
16 June 2025
norton folgate
@CTSO and @SV
Those figures are nearly right, but it is a bit more complicated than that, involving reducing the two most popular songs on an album down to the average of the rest of the songs. The total is then divided by 1,000.
9.1 Album Stream Methodology
The 2 album tracks attracting most streams are neutralised to the level of the average of the next 14 highest
streamed tracks associated with the album (or all tracks where album has < 16 tracks).
When establishing the revised streams for neutralised tracks from an album, the average streams applied to neutralised tracks will be based on streams of all ISRCs linked to the 14 single products used in the calculation. (See Appendix 1 Figure 3).
After the methodology above is applied, the streams of the top 16 tracks (or all tracks where an album < 16
tracks) making up the album are aggregated together and converted to create the “Streaming album DUS”, using a conversion rate of 1,000 streams = 1 album sale.
A new album DUS is created from adding together the physical album DUS, digital album DUS and the streaming album DUS.
—————–
I think this means the album currently has around 70 sales from streaming on Spotify. The quickest and easiest way to increase that total is to stream it minus Horror Clowns and Goodbye Sam, Hello Samaritans. Thus the other tracks will catch up a bit on them and their average will grow. Whatever the final average of those 11 songs is will then be multiplied by 13 and divided by 1000.
It goes without saying that physical and download sales are what really count, but if you've bought the album can it really hurt to stream it a few times for the next 3 days? It also goes without saying that the band will earn nothing from the streams, but I am amused that HMHB can get higher chart positions now than they ever could before. The chart positions count for little, but they do generate publicity.
It's also worth noting that if anyone has a family plan with a streamer they can stream on more than one device at a time. The only condition is that the volume must not be muted. It can be very low or sent to headphones, however and still count.
17 June 2025
D list paul ross
Apart from the money I suppose, the only good thing about working full time is that you don’t see much daytime telly. On the very rare occasions I’ve caught a bit of Tipping Point I have quite warmed to Bland Ben.
17 June 2025
Hemmed in by the larch
@Batwalker #672 Spotify shows EVERY track on Creative Hub as Explicit but nothing on The Voltarol Years, not even Midnight Mass Murder so, yeah, it’s inconsistent.
17 June 2025
The Almost illegal elton welsby
Well well well. What a belter of an album. I’ve been disappointed at first listening of the last couple of albums but can’t stop playing this one. The only album to challenge Achtung Bono, in my humble opinion.
Current favourites Horror Clowns and Falmouth Electrics.
17 June 2025
Wobs
It is glorious. Expectations exceeded.
So glad we’re going to the cave.
McCalliog was a surprise.
17 June 2025
Sera_6969
Money splashed, CD smashed. 13 tracks of varying return. Thoroughly disappointed with Horror clowns and Record Store Day. For perhaps the first time i feel the targets are a little contrived and nothing hits. Some horror clowns absolutely are dickheads, but having a phobia about them is rarely something one chooses. Got agoraphobia? Just go outside! Depressed? Just smile you dickhead. And RSD, while absolutely nailing everything actually seems like an attack on (what i’m guessing would be 90% of) their own fans. Yes, i do want that live acoustic album the singer and bassist recorded in a dustbin and i want it on super sparkly, extra heavy weight vinyl. With obi strip. That said, some Biscuit classics that are sure to disturb the Lux Cup Regulars. And yes, McCalliog and his Hens really needs to happen. Question: Is Tilda Swinton the nom de plume of one favourite hen or a distraction to our crime fighting hero? Gnomes don’t just rearrange themselves, Neil has to keep his wits sharp.
17 June 2025
Gok Wan Acolyte
Starting to grow on me but “Horror Clowns” is, in my view, one of the bands weaker efforts and Record Store Day, though amusing, is a bit of a predictable target (that said, I’d love a 6 Music dj to play it next year on RSD, given the way the station hypes it up)
Falmouth Electrics, McCalliog, Jack’s gone to the National and Possible Side Effects are all great.
On Ben Shephard, maybe Nigel just hates Tipping Point
17 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
I think people’s phobias of Clowns, in a lot of cases, stems simply from the fact that they might be forced to interact and be made to look stupid in front of large crowds. Then further cajoling from family and friends makes it worse. I had a friend who was terrified of frogs because one jumped on her foot at school and she screamed, then was reprimanded by the teacher for screaming, which further compounded it. My wife can’t watch me or my daughter eating runny egg yolks (can’t blame her really, haha) and once confessed that she ate a runny egg at a friend’s house and when it came to light that she had, her own other made a bit of a deal of it ‘She NEVER eats runny eggs at home. Why won’t you eat them at home!?’ I think this further exacerbated her dislike of runny eggs into something approaching a phobia.
@Sera. Are you saying ‘Tilda Swinton’ is a lyric? Because the closest I can find is ‘Justice wins the day’. Unless I’m completely missing something.
17 June 2025
NICK WALTERS
Tutor with, TS is mentioned in the inner sleeve with the incorrect poultry.
17 June 2025
Woodnoggin
Tilda Swinton features in the sleeve notes.
17 June 2025
Sera_6969
@The Tutor With The Beard And The Polio, in the liner notes Tilda Swinton is listed as the love interest for our intrepid hero Det. McCalliog. I only wondered if that was the name of the hen, or if Ms Swinton was playing the hen, or perhaps even was the human distraction for Neil Warnock in his break out role. Rumours are sure to abound of off screen chemistry.
17 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Sera. Ahhhhh. I don’t have a physical copy yet. Maybe that’s her clucking at the end.
17 June 2025
John Anderson
This may be common knowledge but Neil Warnock is known as Colin due to an anagram of his name and his charmless character.
17 June 2025
TUCOLO
A rare post from me, but inspired by some of the comments on here.
I think this is their best for some time (not that the others were bad of course)
Yes, RSD is an easy target, but you have to score the tap-ins sometimes; it can’t all be bicycle kicks and physics-defying screamers. And as a tap-in, they at least make it a backheeler.
Some thoughts about swearing on here; I can assure you the E song lyrics will get flagged up by our school’s security software and there will be screenshots reporting me to the person who deals with all that. Me.
Finally, is it just me or does Jack’s Been To The National give more than a passing nod to National Front Disco? The epic guitars, the left-hanging ‘National’?
No?
In that case I’ll crawl back to under my stone, where I can watch those hens on that allotment…
17 June 2025
Chris The Siteowner
I’ve started to move comments – where appropriate – from here to the discussion about the song, in case anyone wonders where they’ve gone. For example, the recent chat about phobias of horror clowns…
17 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Tucolo. Well, the lines ‘I’m always happy, ever so happy’ from ‘Quality Janitor’ definitely reminded me of The Smiths, so no objection here.
17 June 2025
malcolm of arimathea
My first impression was ‘solid’ rather than ‘classic’, but it’s growing on me. The consistency is impressive, though if anything it improves in the second half; even so, I’m not yet hearing anything hitting quite the same peaks as OOD or Terminus. On a different note, it feels like a long time since they put one of the highlights at the start (I’m thinking of ‘Vitas Gerulaitis’ and ‘The Light at the End of the Tunnel’).
17 June 2025
Huddersfield's Very Own Steve Malkmus
Back to the earlier “all of our songs sound the same” chat, was driving along earlier trying to sing along to Birmos In The Cowshed when the words “St John or Showsec, which is it to be?” came out of my mouth.
17 June 2025
Paul f
Personally I think Westward Ho! Is a cracking album opener.
17 June 2025
BATWALKER
@Hemmed In By The Larch #696 (God, I wish this site had threaded replies) – I’ve seen songs with actual swear words in the title not marked as explicit by Spotify.
17 June 2025
Ian Wolf
New chart update – having fallen a fair amount yesterday (it was out of the iTunes Top 40), the album has now climbed back up to No. 18 in main chart, and No. 6 in the alternative chart. Meanwhile, right now on Amazon it is No. 2! Only Pulp are above them.
17 June 2025
mister tubbs
I’ve heard the new album three times now, and like others have said, it’s definitely a grower, with Jack’s been to the National the stand out track for me, with Falmouth Electrics and Whitbread not far behind. I was a bit surprised about the low body count this time around, given the exploding head cover and the Friday 13th release date. I may’ve missed some, but Barry appears the only definite casualty, and maybe the gnomes, depending on how they’ve been “rearranged”. Definitely sounds like AOR on Going out of my mind – I hope they don’t get sued, and although Whitbread don’t brew anymore, I believe they still run the Premier Inn, so they might get a visit from Lenny Henry.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8k-P9QVutBk I can’t help feeling that Barry might’ve struggled if he’d managed to make it the final on Mike Smash’s old quiz show
17 June 2025
Huddersfield's Very Own Steve Malkmus
@Mister Tubbs #715
Good point about the low body-count, though you missed the clown that had his fuzzy head kicked in by Mother Mary. That still only leaves two (plus potentially some gnomes) all of which have a question mark over whether they deserve to be included in the crime statistics.
Compared to the last couple of LPs, Nigel et al may as well have filled the entire record with an extended cover of “All You Need Is Love”.
17 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
The riff at the start of Falmouth is utterly beautiful. It’s so evocative. I can see it in a Shane Meadows film. It’s like the musical version of ‘5 o’clock, tea-time smell of the estate’. And I love how unhinged and foreboding the rest of the music is compared, barring the music at the end where I hope he finds redemption.
17 June 2025
Dennis Bell from Torquay
Have been scrolling a little after listening on repeat. I am surprised The Bliss of the Hereafter isn’t mentioned more. By my third listen I find myself in tears. I now live in perpetual fear that it could be a sign off. Nothing has upset me and brought me such joy in a good few years. It is utterly beautiful. Thoughts?
17 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Just realised I heard ‘gnomes’ as ‘bones’ which is why I wondered if McCalliog had caught the person from ‘Excavating Rita’.
17 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Dennis Bell. Yes, it is utterly beautiful (although that phrase gets bandied about a bit these days, haha) Blissful is definitely one of my favourite ones. I particularly love when the ‘Trophy Bitter’s come in towards the last couple of bars.
17 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
And I can’t wait for the lyrics to be transcribed and pondered over until every generally agrees and I can see how I’ve been listening to it in a completely different way from what was intended.
17 June 2025
Dennis Bell from Torquay
Cheers @Tutor – I think part of the fun of it all is our different interpretations, but I do like it when a consensus is reached. I’m on my way back from Royal Ascot right now listening to Jack’s Been to the National and feeling incredibly self conscious regarding my poor punting today…
17 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Dennis Bell. Do you still have your socks?
17 June 2025
Foreign_bjECT
Seeing quite a few critical of the clown phobia (and the idea phobias aren’t a choice) and maybe I’m being a super fanboy and blindly defending our Neil, but I assumed it was referencing people who claim they have a phobia of clowns when they probably don’t. Like when people go on about their OCD (no Olivia, checking that you’re straighteners are switched off several times is not the same as a life limiting mental condition…)
17 June 2025
Dennis Bell from Torquay
@Tutor yes unlike Jack, and the little money I made is going on gig tickets! See also: my comment in pre gig chat…
17 June 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
Regarding Barry the ventriloquist’s dummy in “Falmouth Electrics”, it’s just struck me that the narrator described back-combing his hair and making him look a bit like Pete Murphy. However, the member of Bauhaus who sported back-combed hair was guitarist Daniel Ash, Pete Murphy was more inclined to slick his mane back IIRC?
17 June 2025
EXXo
Well I never. I have spent 40+ years thinking “back comb” just mean to comb back. So I saw little difference in your distinction, and thought both had applied to Mr. Murphy at different points. When I asked Mrs Exxo the difference, after your comment, she well and truly put me right. Blimey!
[I still reckon I have enough ignorance of popular culture to qualify me for the bench, without the need for the qualifications in Law to which I would have been fairly well suited from some perspectives. Meanwhile my old college back-combed vampiric Goth mate, who does have a Law degree, is now a bloody MP]
17 June 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
@Tutor #717 I listened to a lot of acoustic folk music (not always through choice) for the first ten years of my life, and I was instantly transported back there when I heard the opening bars of Falmouth. I haven’t yet worked out if it reminds me of a particular song or guitarist, but it’s very comforting to me.
17 June 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
As for the body count, I think there’s at least one more casualty, but I’ll save it for the song discussion in a few days.
17 June 2025
Phyllis Triggs
@Foreign_bject – yes, I concur. People with phobias are not the target here – its people who say they have phobias (perhaps they even think they do) but actually don’t that are the dickheads. For me, up there with ‘Claire Jenkin’s gin report’ type annoyances are people in the tea room at work going on loudly and at great length about their ‘phobias’, their ‘OCD’, their ‘ADHD’, their ‘allergies’ etc. They suffer from none of these things. But in their misappropriation of such terms they do devalue peoples’ perception of these conditions. Dickheads!
17 June 2025
Stephen (Apologies for all caps, cant avoid) mcnamara
TBH new album is fairly poor. Arrived late, but lucky, just before Nobody/Hedge. Then two classics at the end of the Voltarol years. Can’t wait for Glasgow, particularly after hearing there might be brass/keyboards. Just can’t find anything to root for on the new album.
17 June 2025
Johnny Kwango
Been off the site a couple of days having been under the weather but have now caught up (just about). I think I am developing a phobia about posts about phobias, but on the positive side my speed reading whilst scrolling has come on leaps and bounds.
17 June 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Not so much a review of the new album, more of an introduction to the band in the Edinburgh News. I suspect the unnamed author grabbed all they needed to know from here. Perhaps we should have provided a ready-to-copy album review too.
18 June 2025
dr DEsperate
@Exxo (post 728)
They’re very rigorous, the judging exams. In fact, you get people coming out
of them saying, “My God, what a rigorous exam”.
18 June 2025
Stu
@The Tutor, re 706 and your, “Maybe that’s her clucking at the end”……
It’s rare I do more than giggle a bit to myself when up early of a morning and still waiting for the coffee to kick in, but that actually made me “lol” – thank you! It’s never wrong to laugh. Well, almost never.
Like everyone else on here, I assume, I’m loving the album, even if I’ve mostly only played it in the car as yet. The already oft-mentioned sound effects startled me as well, the first (and thus far only) time I used headphones. My other half, a native Swede, also laughed loudly the first time she heard Falmouth Electrics. I reckon it says a bit for any lyricist if he can amuse non-native-speakers. I’m now deliberately mixing up Bs and Gs when pronouncing Swedish names (both people and places), although I suppose that “joke” will quickly wear thin with an audience of, er, one.
I could wait one more week for the McCalliog song to be next on the list for dissection, but I’m dying to know why Neil Warnock (aka Colin, I gather) might be considered the next candidate for a TV detective. What am I missing? In my defence, it’s now well over 30 years since I left the UK and I don’t really follow football much at all. I like the song a lot, but surely it’s something that’s never, in a million years, going to happen (isn’t it?)….
18 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Stu. Glad to be of service. I tickled myself with that more than I thought I would’ve when I started actually imagining Tilda Swinton clucking. It fits somehow.
18 June 2025
Robert
Curiouser and curiouser… was Googling ‘Birmos in the Cowshed’ this morning and arrived at this fascinating (and funny) story online which was published back in April (’25). Coincidence?! https://www.abctales.com/story/terrence-oblong/birmos-cowshed
(Sadly, not so curious. The author writes stories based on HMHB song titles, and has been here on the site in the past – CtSO)
18 June 2025
Idristhechiseller
I saw that Tilda Swinton near a vegan ice cream van at Blue Dot (whilst waiting to see Jodrell Bank’s very own Steve Malkmus) so I’d imagine she might have reservations over the deployment of hens in the war on crime.
18 June 2025
Ian Wolf
@Chris I assume the reporter took the photo from Wikipedia.
18 June 2025
Andrew carroll
@tutor post 165 : maybe a mild form of temporal lobe epilepsy ? (Worth thinking about an EEG?). Which puts you in company of St Paul and many other prominent folk, if so…
Not sure if others have said same but could bubbles in Bering Strait actually refer to bubbles due to nuclear submarines coming close to surface, about to launch their missiles ? (Given the name of song and broader context)
18 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Andrew Carroll. Yes, thanks. It probably is something I should look into. I would have done years ago if it wasn’t for the infrequency.
18 June 2025
Huddersfield's Very Own Steve Malkmus
@Stu. I think it’s the fact that Neil Warnock absolutely wouldn’t be considered for such a role, yet anyone familiar with his demeanor and mannerisms can easily imagine it, that makes it funny. He’s often cited as one of “the last of a dying breed” of old-school football managers along with Big Sam Allardyce. Warnock though comes across (to me at least) as a bit more grounded and able to laugh at himself, and thus when he isn’t rescuing a rubbish team from the clutches of relegation he seems to get by on the after-dinner speaking circuit. I’d happily listen to NW talk for a couple of hours, I’m not sure I could make it through more than ten minutes of Big Sam blowing smoke up his own fundament.
There’s just something inherently amusing about the idea of a Sunday teatime* ITV detective show about a wily but world-weary, heavy-drinking farmer helping out the local bizzies thanks to a telepathic link with his trusty flock(?) of hens… then when you add the Warnock factor it’s even funnier. Unlikely as it is, I think Neil Warnock (aka “Colin W**ker” as you alluded to) would absolutely give his all to such an oddball project, and would chew the scenery in exactly the way that the concept requires.
Presumably the show would be pitched as “New Tricks meets Get Smart”. If nothing else, the theme tune is fantastic.
18 June 2025
Huddersfield's Very Own Steve Malkmus
Oh, the (inevitable) asterisk in my comment above. The concept of “McCalliog & His Hens” seems tailor-made for the pre-watershed, post-Songs of Praise slot… but if NW is cast in the starring role I feel you’d lose something if the dialogue was limited in its use of expletives.
18 June 2025
S
@Chris the siteowner Written a week or 2 before the album had arrived, in lieu of any (much requested!) interview, and unnamed because the rigorous page design means that up to 20 words get lost if it’s credited! I see it really as flagging up the new album to anyone that cares but is unaware, and for people that don’t know – 99%+ of the readership? – but might care; yes, an introduction to the band. Plus it fills a page which would otherwise go to Rod Stewart or someone).
(Cheers S, and top work on getting it published!)
18 June 2025
S
@Ian Wolf Yes, literally the only usable photo out there. (asked the label but they were too snowed under with album-related tasks to come back in time). Was a creative commons licence and I’d imagined he – Paul Hudson – would want money (there is no money in newspapers any more) but he said “go ahead” so he’s probably a fan as well.
18 June 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
@SW #729 – I’m getting a bot of a Nic Jones vibe off the acoustic riff, probably because the treble strings are being pulled so they snap back onto the frets for percussive emphasis.
Regarding going to Legoland on acid as mentioned in Possible Side Effects, why didn’t I think to do that in my mis-spent youth?
18 June 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
sorry, “bit”…
18 June 2025
IRISH NIALL
Gets better each time. Finding new bits of nuance on every listen as I will forever.
Early favourites -Polymath, Birmos and Possible Side Effects which is an absolute soundscape of an epic -I’d have sqwezzed at least another 60 seconds out of that delicious outro mind …fade it down, then back up, let it simmer, stir the soup, round the house and mind the dresser…
Jacks Been To The National, which I’m guessing features capos on the 5th, has a fierce whack of Treehouse era Buffalo Tom off the guitars -likely down to the aforementioned capos. Great hook too.
McCalliog deserves special mention too for sheer Stan Ridgewayisms. Another HMHB song way over yonder in the Minor Key to add to short enough list. I’ll add as someone who’s kept hens -they aint clean. To be fair they’re not exactly dirty and they do glean. But they’re messy animals and their food gets everywhere. Hence if you keep hens -you’re likely also getting rats at some point and, beyond a nuisance, a rat’s a dangerous animal as our old odd-job man Tommy used say.
18 June 2025
Idristhechiseller
I’ve spent days (w)racking my brains to remember where I’ve heard Possible Side Effects. No ideas re: the opening riff but it’s possible to sing The Beach Boys Getcha Back over the “Lucy Anne” section, which-on the off chance Mike Love is planning to Sue, means it’s presumably also possible to sing the Flo and Eddie backing vocals from Bruce Springsteen’s Hungry Heart over it. No idea if this is intentional but the fact Robert Hoffman was playing a beached boy suggests it might have been.
18 June 2025
Paul f
The guitar sound (but not the tune) makes me think of Rock and Roll is Full of Bad Wools.
18 June 2025
EXXo
Agree with your fine summary there, Huddersfield’s … Malkmus.
But there is also the fact that Neil Warnock has lived on the Cornwall/Devon border in recent years, and last season was doing some work “helping out” Torquay United. The title race in that division turned into the first ever Devon v. Cornwall title race in any professional league. But Warnock’s main public contribution was of course his speciality – public slagging off of referees.
18 June 2025
norton folgate
The album is now number 34 in the midweeks based on sales from Friday to Tuesday.
(Uh-oh, not promising. Just streaming the album another 100 times – CtSO)
18 June 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Right, that’s done – finished prepping the lyrics to all the songs. Thanks to everyone who’s contributed. Happy to receive other efforts and add your name if you’ve already started! It’s meant listening to the songs on loop as I go through each one, and I don’t remember an album where so many of them grew on me so much on repeated listens (and having the lyrics revealed by contributors!). I will admit to being largely underwhelmed at first, but for me, this is now up there with any album on overall consistency. If we rank albums by the median score of their tracks in the Lux Familiar Cup, it’ll perform strongly, I suspect.
18 June 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
@Prof Woozle #747: I think you’re onto something there. ‘Penguin Eggs’ was a favourite of my dad’s (also a folk singer and guitarist) at the time, and he adopted the twangy percussion style on the treble strings too – having first boiled them in the same saucepan my mum cooked spaghetti in.
18 June 2025
Ian Wolf
Chart update: the album has now reached No. 4 in the iTunes alternative chart. It remains at No. 16 in the main chart and No. 2 on Amazon.
18 June 2025
EXXo
Well played Rhys Mwn, who did play ‘Horror Clowns’ on his show 9th June, from the copy that NB had sent him, introducing it as that two-word title, with no comment.
On the tracklisting for the show it’s ‘Horror Clowns are D***heads’ and you have to claim to be over 16 to get to listen to it on Sounds (which you don’t normally).
The DJ will have sincereceievd a rap on the knuckles from BBC Wales without a doubt.
18 June 2025
EXXo
e before and after i, except before v.
18 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
After somehow pulling a muscle in my hip in my sleep and not being able to sleep from half two, I took the day off work and have been learning the bass to Asimov. I think this might be my favourite album for the amount of tracks with really cracking bass riffs.
Horror Clowns is really fun to play and I love listening to it.
Goodbye Sam is very fun to play and very fiddly. Still working on some of the more fiddly parts and bridges on that one.
I love Rawlplugs and it’s speed. I can JUST keep up with Neil on that one, barely.
Everything about Bliss is beautiful but the bass is like being in a swimming pool of the perfect temperature, to listen to and to play.
Record Store Day might be my favourite purely for the (and I don’t know if this is the correct terminology) descending scale part just before ‘I do like to re-release me B-side.’ That is SO dirty, that bass. Love it.
Yvonne is fast and would be fun to play if I could quickly make the gap to the high note. Either my hand isn’t big enough or I’m playing it wrong, somehow.
Jack’s Been To The National is brilliant. The bass riff is just long enough that you don’t feel like you’re playing a simple loop. It reminds me a lot of a riff I played the one time I got on stage and played bass in front of an audience.
Falmouth may be the simplest bass track to be recorded ever but it’s so fun to play still, because you don’t have to think, which leaves you free to rock backwards and forwards and grin disconcertingly at your loved ones. And because I love it I’m going to try and learn the opening riff of Falmouth on acoustic, despite the fact that I’m terrified of guitar, chords in particular. Unless I need a capo to play it, in which case I need a capo.
18 June 2025
Foreign_bjECT
On several listens now. Jack’s Been to the National still a standout for me. The final chorus is ludicrous. But it paints the clearest picture of Jack, like. Can just see him gawping like a fool in his Taylor Wimpey 4-bedroom slate grey prefab house. Probably drives an Audi on tick.
Anyway, finding the arrangements to be a lot more interesting and diverse than pervious albums. Definitely growing on me. Somewhere about “very good” right now. Feel another A-list track would’ve sealed it as up there with the best. Actually not a big fan of McCalliog and find it the weakest song both in style and lyrics.
18 June 2025
Alex
I agree with CtSO. A week ago I was feeling quite flat about the release. Out of the half dozen tracks I’d heard I considered one to be great, one good, and the rest az fillers.
I’d actually had a chat with one of the band where they said they were unsure what the reaction would be to ‘McCalliog and His Hens’. I gave them a very positive opinion and that it seemed to be one that was shared. I was probably glad that the other tracks weren’t mentioned.
Fast forward a few days and I was glad we’d heard so many tracks as they were now sounding good (though not sure I’ll ever be a big fan of ‘Going Out Of My Mind ….).
Being able to concentrate on the B side meant by Monday I was sure that this is a really good album.
Hedge and TVY are both in my top 3 albums by thd band but this sounds quite different from those. It just needed a few listens to grow.
18 June 2025
Medook
Jack’s been to the National: George Leigh Mallory was born in Mobberly and I believe the church has a memorial window dedicated to him. Superb song.
18 June 2025
Embrace the margin
@S Paul Hudson is ace. One of my social media pics is one he took of me having a bit of a moment when Steve Davis put on Slayer in a cowshed.
I always find first listen of a new HMHB album is like putting on a new pair of specs. Everything bit askew but it resolves itself quickly enough. Really do very much like this new one now.
18 June 2025
Pftumch
Took 3 or 4 listens but I really like it, Falmouth Electrics stood out on the 1st listen, but there’s 5 or 6 songs I really like now, it’s def a grower.
Imho Horror Clowns is the weakest… please please tell me that line ‘you know it’s true’ is there ironically otherwise I’ll be having words …you hear that line every where in songs – aaargh!
Possible Side Effects is fantastic… I listen to that outcome forever… there’s something about Hmhb… because they’re so pisstakey? It makes the poignant really really powerful.
18 June 2025
Alastair
Desperate for this to get added to my streamer of choice, YouTube Music. I’ve had the CD nearly a week but nothing to play it on! (Support independent music)
19 June 2025
The man from a&r's got the CD in his car
Picked up both the CD and vinyl from the very fine independent record shop in Winchester on Tuesday. As yet, only listened to the CD in the car so haven’t quite taken it all in yet, mainly due to dickheads on the A34 and M3 tailgating my otherwise reasonable overtaking of HGVs.
Was wearing the customary shirt, in this case Satisfying The Bloodlust.
There’s a couple of filler tracks there, but no list songs in the style of Upon Westminster, Breaking News or JDOG. It’s been a while since we’ve had one like that isn’t it?
RSD is a fun diversion with Falmouth Electrics being the main source of laughs, especially Garry. A couple of songs lapse into the ‘all of our songs sound the same’ trope a little, but that’s no bad thing.
19 June 2025
Huddersfield's Very Own Steve Malkmus
Still not quite able to pick a winner from these runners, Horror Clowns is still the rank outsider but has at least made it to the stalls. I just feel that it (and Record Store Day) are a bit “HMHB-by-numbers”.
I have definitely got a handful of favourite moments though: the crack in NB’s voice near the beginning of “Going Out Of My Mind…” gets me every time. I feel like that song is going to last longer as a “favourite” than McCalliog or Falmouth. I’m no longer laughing uncontrollably at how serious the “his hens!” refrain sounds, but the very Warnockesque “Who??” proper warms my cockles.
19 June 2025
Horror Clown
Yes ‘Possible Side Effects is fantastic’ the music is so grand and it’s completely destroyed (in a good way) by the facecloths line.
19 June 2025
Wobs
The Alan Sugar verse still has me laughing.
19 June 2025
Ian Wolf
Falmouth Electrics got an airing on Riley and Coe last night (36:24).
20 June 2025
Mr spokesman
Apologies if this has been posted before but re “Birmos In The Cowshed” I’ve found this online;
https://www.abctales.com/story/terrence-oblong/birmos-cowshed
Written by one Terrence Oblong…
20 June 2025
EXXo
I hope comments #771 and #738 regarding Terence Oblong prove the point I was making in comment #76 (in response to #68-72, especially @Demibisquee).
20 June 2025
norton folgate
64 it is then!
8 on the Scottish Chart
8 on the Sales Chart
11 on the Downloads Chart
8 on the Physical Sales Chart (CD+vinyl)
11 on the Vinyl Chart
10 on the Record Store Chart
4 on Indie Chart
Hopefully I will be back later with more analysis.
20 June 2025
Ian Wolf
No. 64 in the official chart. No. 8 in the Scottish, physical and sales charts. No. 11 in downloads and vinyl charts. No. 10 in the record store chart. No. 4 in the indie chart.
20 June 2025
Demibisquee
@Exxo noted, re T. Oblong. It’s a great ruse.
I love a writing prompt myself, really frees me up for the serious work of not writing anything of note.
20 June 2025
norton folgate
The album sold 2508 this week.
From Music Week:
“All Asimov And No Fresh Air (No.64, 2508 sales), the sixth Top 75 entry for Birkenhead indie veterans Half Man Half Biscuit in a 40-year career.”
20 June 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Oh well. We tried. Disappointing that we couldn’t do enough to get the band a hat-trick of top forty places. I guess the streaming let us down. Number eight in physical sales is no mean achievement though. I hope it pays for the band to have a weekend away or something. At least the bulk of the sales came through decent outlets, I guess. Well done everyone.
20 June 2025
D list paul ross
Bought a Boardman bike on the cycle to work scheme a fortnight before UFO came out. My wife, who definitely won’t have heard Jack’s…has just said “when we are on holiday can you please not do that thing where you practise your golf swing while I’m trying to talk to people? I want them to think we’re normal”. Here’s to my Native American name….
21 June 2025
HEN 17
I have now had a week to let this one “bed in” since the CD’s arrival on release day (thank you Seeds Records) and have now formed a considered opinion.
THIS IS A F***ING BRILLIANT ALBUM 10/10.
IMHO it can stand comparison with any previous HMHB album. The sequencing in particular works brilliantly for me in that there is not a single track I have the slightest urge to skip.
Some much needed light in the current darkness. We are not worthy etc.
21 June 2025
Rien
Record Store Day is a masterpiece. And I’m glad somebody finally attacked that scam. The rest of the album… to be honest, I’m not so sure.
IMHO it doesn’t reach the heights of some previous albums (CLSClub, Achtung Bono, to name just two).
I am happy there’s a new HMHB, obviously, but it does feel a bit like they’re ‘going through the motions’. Or is that just me?
[running for cover]
21 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
Each to their own, but “going through the motions”, nah. Hitting the heights of ‘Achtung Bono’ or ’90 Bidodol’ or ‘Trouble Over Bridgwater’ is a very high bar… but in my opinion this, ‘Urge for Offal’ and ‘Creative Hub’ come close.
I’m with Hen 17 (great name btw) – no filler on this, compared to Voltarol Years where I’d skip ‘Token Covid Song’, ‘When I Look at My Baby’ and ‘Broken Headstone’.
21 June 2025
Chris The Siteowner
No need to run for cover, it’s all a matter of taste. Conversely, I was surprised when a couple of people declared it a masterpiece after what could only have been one or two listens. I didn’t get that at all either. But it’s grown on me steadily (especially the second half), and while there’s no “Oblong of Dreams”, I’d say the overall quality is comfortably up there with any of the previous 4–5 albums. Not many bands can manage that.
21 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
It’s definitely a matter of taste. I don’t like saying I have a least favourite album but for me it’s Trouble Over Bridgewater. There are still tracks on there that I love but it’s probably the one I’ve listened to the least. I might not be the best judge though as there are still a couple of albums that I haven’t listened to or bought. The only reason for this is fear that I may not like an album. This fear has slowly subsided over the years as I’ve listened to more and more. I have my wife to thank for that. After listening to DHSS for decades and displaying no inclination to listen to anything else, she bought me 90 Bisodol, which I loved. Yesterday I started listening to McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt for the very first time and was relieved that it instantly felt like home.
21 June 2025
Huddersfield's Very Own Steve Malkmus
The real verdict will probably come in six to twelve months time… Or when The Lux comes around.
One of the things I love about the band is the way their songs can make me laugh and cry all at the same time, or at least flit between those two states from one line to the next. However I did find some of the songs on Voltarol leaned a bit too much in the crying direction. Tess, Big Man, and Oblong are all songs I like individually, but hearing all three in close succession leaves me depressed beyond tablets. AAANFA is definitely an easier listen on that front.
21 June 2025
Rien
Of course, it’s all a matter of taste. Maybe this album will grow on me like 90 Bisodol did. Not sure, though. Time will tell. And I agree, calling it a masterpiece after just two plays is quite fast. ;-)
21 June 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
I’ve been tending to loop the last four songs in the car, as they’re IMO the strongest ones on the album. I’m expecting Possible Side Effects to put in a strong showing at the next Lux Familiar cup (speaking as the person who predicted Oblong Of Dreams as the winner of the last one not long after TVY came out), and on the subject of PSE, does anyone else hear a Bauhaus-y vibe to the first riff, or is it just me?
As for Birmos in the Cowshed, I’m thinking that one’s an epitaph for a departed footy mate who’s died of cancer or suchlike. The use of cows in a pen (riffing on the name of the Cowshed at Prenton Park) and one being yanked out away from his mates as a euphemism for someone dying; dumping the flu jab in favour of watching Vale away (no point in getting a jab if you’ve not long left so might as well do stuff you want to); the mention of drifting with the morphine and phantoms in the Cowshed at the end. I also have a funny feeling that the “keeping with the tryst” line is referencing a poem about a tryst with death but can’t think what it is – does that sound familiar to anyone?
I could be completely wrong with all of the above but if it is a memorial, it’s a damn good one…
21 June 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
Interesting about ‘Birmos’ @Prof Woozle. After a few plays I came to a similar conclusion that the narrator was reminiscing from his death bed (although hadn’t thought as far as it being an epitaph for a mate from his point of view) and was wondering if “cowshed” was some sort of obscure 70s slang for “football ground”. Made me think of the “30 Airbus” outro from Slipping The Escort, and brought a lump to my throat.
I do think the second half is stronger than the first, but I have no reason to change my opinion that my favourite HMHB album is the one I’m listening to at the time, although if pushed I’d say the five-album run from ‘Trouble’ to ‘Bisodol’ is my favourite.
21 June 2025
Pte sponge
Interesting to read different points of view on this album. It was an instant hit for me and continues to get better on each listen. I won’t try to compare or rank it against their other work just yet, but this is an outstanding album.
21 June 2025
EXXO
@SW – those of us with a TRFC background on here were sure
as soon as the tracklist came out that the Cowshed is specifically our old home end at Prenton Park. That is beyond question, and that is where birmos and silkies were worn by the protagonist (who yes is now dying) and his former mate in about 1973-75.
The location of “the pen” is still open to question, and I will post more about it in the song thread in due course. It refers to the boys’ pen at a football ground, but is it the old boys’ pen at Prenton Park (which as I recall was always pretty empty), or did the old friend graduate to another more densely populated boys’ pen over the water, as many did? It’s hard not to interpret the song in the light of one’s own experience, but I’ll try not to do that and assume (for now) that the “pen” is also the pen at Prenton Park.
And then yes, the cowshed/pen terminology enables the hooking with a crook from the farmyard pen image at the end.
@Prof – he’s not going to watch Vale away, he’s going to watch Tranmere Rovers, at Vale away.
[Mrs. Exxo’s dad is enjoying this album, as a Vale-supporting Barry.]
This of course will be presumably be shifted to the song thread in due course.
22 June 2025
The harbinger of nothing
It was an instant hit for me too. Since Bisodol, Offal and Hedge are probably my three favourites but Voltarol one of my least, I was very pleased about this.
The Bliss Of The Hereafter is a contender for my favourite HMHB song.
Perhaps the only disappointment is that my placename bingo choice was a 50-50 between Redruth and Truro… and of course I chose Truro. Gollocks.
22 June 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
@Exxo -thanks for the correction on Vale away, not being a footy fan I’m a bit hazy on details… On an unrelated note, I idly looked up Neil Warnock’s wikipedia entry yesterday to remind myself when he was in charge at the Blades, and discovered he’s cut his managerial teeth managing my hometown side (Scarborough) in the days before they messed up and got wound up…
Regarding keeping with the tryst, I still can’t recall the poem in question but possibly one of Owen or Sassoon’s ? Part of the problem for me is that I seem to have Hamish Henderson’s “The flyting o’ life and death” stuck in my head but that’s not the poem I want to recall!
22 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
I assumed “keeping with the tryst” just referred to going to the weekly game, through good times and the worst. I don’t know if there is a quote buried in there, but these lines:
In comes Vale away
Beyond the next
Then who knows what
As comfort looks to flee…
… ring a bell, with a 19th century hymn, “Lord, remove the veil away”. On past evidence NB knows his way round a hymnal, so maybe it’s not surprising it’s that particular fixture which causes thoughts to drift to the hereafter? An amazing, moving song.
22 June 2025
EXXO
Yes, yes, of course Silver Biscuit-level stuff, it’s that hymn mixed with ‘Abide with Me’ (making a reappearance) with the “comforts flee” bit.
22 June 2025
EXXO
Yes @ Keith, “keep the tryst” here will surely be both the regular tryst with the match, the longest love affair of his life (and many of our lives), and the final tryst with death/destiny/fate (cf. Nehru’s “tryst with destiny” in 1947). I must admit I even wondered if someone like Eduardo Galeano had written of our matchdays as something that translated as “trysts,” but can’t find anything.
22 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
Cheers, yes – I thought “comforts flee” also sounded familiar. Another hymn hidden in there makes the pun on “veil away” seem less fanciful.
22 June 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
@TFoK – now you’ve mentioned hymns, I’m wondering if the trysting words buried somewhere in my junkshed of a brain are from a hymn at a funeral I’ve attended in the dim and distant past? My grandad would probably have known but he’s no longer around to ask and he would Not Approve of attempts to contact him in the hereafter.
Right ChatGPT, give me a list of all the hymns you can find that include the word “tryst”…
22 June 2025
Janet from accounts
There’s a poem by GK Chesterton called The Hunting of the Dragon, the last verse of which goeth thusly:
For the horn was blown in the heart of the night
That men should rise and ride,
Keeping the tryst of a terrible jest
Never for long untried;
Drinking a dreadful blood for wine,
Never in cup or can,
The death of a deathless Dragon,
That is the life of a man.
22 June 2025
Janet from accounts
I also looked for hymns containing the word tryst on CCLI Songselect (repository of songs for worship leaders, needs a login) and got a dozen results, some of which are duplicates. There’s Adam making a tryst with sin, communion as a recurring tryst, Christians making a tryst with Christ, a future tryst with death, the cross as the trysting place of heaven’s love and heaven’s justice, and keeping a tryst to witness for Christ.
I don’t recognise any of the songs, as a churchgoer of over 40 years, and I don’t think any of them are particularly mainstream from looking at them, but maybe something there rings a bell.
22 June 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
I can only think of one other song containing the word “tryst”, and that’s ‘I Will Be With You’ by T’Pau (q.v.)
I saw the lyrics (“I hear this melody/Our tryst in rhapsody”) printed in Smash Hits when I was twelve, and assumed it was a typo. Never tryst a crown green bowler under thirty.
22 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
It’s one of those wonderful words that have fallen out of parlance. I know I’ve heard ‘tryst’ about thirty times throughout my life but I can’t name one of them. Well, I can now.
22 June 2025
EXXO
Top work there Janet. A definite Collocation Star and possible Silver Biscuit nomination, depending on how History views the Chesterton thing. But don’t worry, we’ve never collected enough subscription fees to organise an actual awards ceremony.
22 June 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
I had a good mate called Tristan back in the nineties, but he was always Tris, never Trist. And no, his surname wasn’t Shout, or Crawl, or By-The-Pool.
22 June 2025
Paul Wood
As always, loving the album and the analysis here. I can’t see reference yet to… How does the history of rawlplugs connect to the challenge of bands trying to “break” the US? I’m likely asking something obvious but after a couple of Chimay, I’m less concerned about appearing to be stupid.
Tangential: In a scene from “Ever Decreasing Circles”, Richard Briers’ character (“Martin Bryce”, I just reminded myself) asks someone (presumably Peter Egan’s character), “have you got any rawlplugs?”. For no fathomable reason, that question – played repeatedly on VHS – made me laugh to the point of almost passing out. There’s no explanation.
23 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Sylvian’s Whippet. All I’ve been able to think is poor Tris from ‘The League of Gentlemen’ who possibly perishes after being tied up in a warehouse which is set ablaze by robbers.
@Paul Wood. I think it’s just a luck of the draw type thing regarding ‘Rawlplugs’. You’ve got to break ‘merica with something. Although after the phenomenal success of ‘McCalliog and His Hens’ it would definitely be snapped up by American TV execs and tweaked slightly for the American audiences.
23 June 2025
paul f
“MacGyver and his Turkeys” perhaps.
23 June 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
@Janet FA – I think you may be right with that Chesterton poem as source, but I’d be interested to know what the hymns mentioning a tryst with death are.
The other possible source of my dim recollection may be a collection of possible funeral readings that my aunt circulated among the family a while ago so I’ll dig that out and check that
23 June 2025
Luminous strides
The opening line to The Rolling Stones’ Dancing with Mr D (Goats Head Soup) is “Down in the graveyard where we had our tryst”
23 June 2025
Sam
My Mum grew up in Falmouth, and as far as I know it hasn’t ever had an HMV…did have an Our Price back in the day which I remember from school holidays.
23 June 2025
pte sponge
@ Paul Wood, for suggested answers to your question, “how does the history of rawlplugs connect to the challenge of bands trying to break the US?”, see the discussion on the Rawlplugs of Yesteryear page, letters sent 4, 8, 9 ,15, 30 and 32. Or there may be no connection; it’s not like there there is no precedent. Hope this helps.
23 June 2025
Rien
For those who also wonder about tuna-friendly-dolphin-fillets: dolphin meat doesn’t taste nice, it’s tough and it can make you ill according to the local fishermen. Which is why hardly anybody eats it. Some people in Japan excluded. (Can’t find the original post/question/joke anymore so just posting it here).
23 June 2025
Paul Wood
Thank you @PTE SPONGE, that’s very helpful. And now I’ll know to look at individual song threads 👍
24 June 2025
Mrpotatohead
Falmouth Electrics goes straight in as one of the most devastating put downs of the ventriloquist dummy in song. In fact are there any others?? Have you got any Gauhaus? Have you got any Gauhaus?
24 June 2025
Pop-TART MARK
I still regard Emu as a ventiloquist’s dummy whose violence against its partner (and everyone else) was a cry of frustration that Rod Hull couldn’t do ventriloquism. Why was he alive and getting paid as well, if he couldn’t even give the gig gird a git of good ganter, that old song surely seemed to ask.
24 June 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
@P-T Mark – you could say the same about Spit the dog, with his constant gobbing. Not sure about Cough the cat though, perhaps he’d stopped caring or had a frog in his throat?
24 June 2025
Pop-TART MARK
Hmm yeah, but unfortunately no songs dissing them. The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band of course did invent punk nearly a decade early, with ‘You Can Stick Yer Lord Charles up Yer *rse’ but alas only did it as a live encore, never recorded or filmed. Or even mentioned really. Pity.
24 June 2025
Paul f
Hull was wise not to vent his frustration via Emu on Billy Connolly, after the Big Yin threatened to break “his neck and your arm” on Parkinson.
24 June 2025
NICK WALTERS
“What do you get if you cross Fred Flintstone….no, not what if you cross….”
25 June 2025
Cream Cheese and Chives
Down in Manchester today with pals, I saw David ‘Bumble’ Lloyd walking towards us. As he passed, I called him back. He looked slightly alarmed to be so accosted but I told him at once I wasn’t going to talk cricket. I can tell you he hasn’t as yet got the new lp- too busy, he said. His pal has downloaded it for him. I recommended Falmouth Electrics and wished him well. Last time I spoke to him was at our local cricket club 48 years ago when he was sporting those red Stuart Surridge batting gloves and appearing in a benefit match for, I think, David Hughes.
25 June 2025
Joseph holt
The boys have clearly settled into a comfortable groove, you could take any of the tracks from the last handful of album, mix them up, remake them as new lps and no-one would be any the wiser. Just like the late stage of The Fall, it’s still better than 99% of what’s out there though.
This one’s a grower, ‘Falmouth Electrics’ remains the stand-out even after a dozen listens, with ‘Mccalliog’ hard its heels. If you saw the transcription of ‘I’m Going Out of My Mind’, you’d swear it was a John Cooper Clarke number. Not that that’s a bad thing.
26 June 2025
Persian rug venðoŕ
I’ve listened to the album every day since it arrived, yesterday “No one likes a polymath” hit me, it’s exactly why I love this band, looking forward to the lyric transcription, haven’t worked it out yet.
26 June 2025
George leigh-mallory
This could be my favourite end to end since Bisodol. The final run of Falmouth, Jack and Side Effects is absolutely vintage – terrific stuff.
26 June 2025
Chris The Siteowner
I’d been struggling all evening to work out what this picture of Amazon’s Jeff Bezos reminded me of. And then it came to me…
27 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@CtSO. I like how the picture of Jeff is more unsettling than the cover art.
27 June 2025
Cream cheese and chives
In Jack’s Been To The National I am intrigued to know whether his gate is ridiculous or his gait is ridiculous. Both would make perfect sense.
My late mother in law once asked,’ What is Mobberley for?’ We were unable to answer. I haven’t been for years but I imagine ridiculous wooden gates are commonplace.
Equally, I can imagine Jack’s gait being ridiculous as he makes his way down the fairway with his F1 chat.
A very good lp and one with a lighter feel to it than the last couple. There may be no Oblong of Dreams, Terminus or Slipping The Escort but in Falmouth Electrics and Jack’s Gone To The National (among others) there are songs that are just as wonderful; different but wonderful.
27 June 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
@CCaC – I took it to mean a ridiculous gate, namely something massively overwrought showing Jack’s total lack of taste and discretion and thoroughly out of keeping with the property itself.
I had Mobberley down as the sort of place occupied by people who aspire to live in Alderley Edge/Wilmslow but can’t afford to, but happy to be corrected by locals on that!
27 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
I like the idea of an “overwrought iron gate”.
27 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Hope you all have a lovely weekend. I’m off to the lakes to scale Scafell tomorrow. It will be a first for me and I’m really looking forward to it. My daughter has insisted I take a small seal teddy to take to the top, so I may have to do some clubbing while I’m there.
27 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
Crafted by a histrionic blacksmith, perhaps.
27 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
The gate. Not the seal.
27 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Well, it’s funny you should say that.
27 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
Anyway enjoy the walk. Credit for picking the wild and dramatic Scafell, rather than the taller but inferior Pike.
27 June 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
@TFoK – most bad-taste bling gates aren’t made by real blacksmiths* but are sparked together by welder-fabricators using prefabbed bits. This means they can cheaply indulge the magpie-on-acid tendencies of their clients and give them something that has echoes of fine traditional ironwork but with all the elegance, restraint and aesthetic sensibility removed.
* Being a trained blacksmith with a fancy certificate from the Worshipful Company of Blacksmiths I feel I’m allowed a bit of snobbery when it comes to ironwork that was done without any of the old-school craftsmanship.
27 June 2025
EXXO
All very interesting but it’s obviously “gait.” Cf. ‘I. Trog.” And although NB (or the POV in the song) had probably seen the Trog’s gate as well as his gait, he won’t have bothered going to frickin’ Mobberley to check out some gobshite’s gate.
27 June 2025
EXXO
That wasn’t meant to sound like I’ve already had my first beer, like Tuesday afternoon… although in fact I have already had my first beer, like Tuesday afternoon.
Note to self: go fishing NOW, get off the internet.
27 June 2025
John Anderson
Two weeks after the album came out I think it’s finally struck me what the intro to Possible Side Effects reminds me of. It sounds like a slowed down version of What’s The Frequency, Kenneth? by REM.
27 June 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
@John A: Same rhythm, yes. But I think they’re almost the same speed, just that ‘Frequency’ is major and ‘PSE’ minor (at first, anyway) so sounds more downbeat.
27 June 2025
Nick Walters
EXXO (834): Surely it’s ‘gate’? The ‘probably’ suggests he HASN’T gone to frickin’ Mobberley to see it. And if he HAS seen Jack’s gait he wouldn’t say ‘probably’?
28 June 2025
Nick Walters
Unless it’s parsed thus:
‘Got property in Mobberley, probably. Ridiculous gait.’
28 June 2025
Nick Walters
But then the Mallory reference wouldn’t work, if Jack only ‘probably’ lives in Mobberley, why would he have heard of him?
Sorry I should have put all this into one post!
28 June 2025
Janet from accounts
I’m confident that the line is “He’s got property in Mobberley, probably… ridiculous gate.” Meaning he lives in Mobberley and probably has a ridiculous gate. Like something way over the top and ostentatious. Some ludicrous wrought iron affair.
28 June 2025
Ptesponge
I thought it was gait until I (just) learned about the Mobberley/Mallory connection, so I now think it’s gate, probably. (I prefer the image of Jack having a ridiculous gait, but there you go.)
28 June 2025
Quantocks checker outer
I’m on the side of gait. I’m imagining it being ridiculous like that Madchester / Liam Gallagher exaggerated swaggering type of walk (or gait if you will). It’s definitely the way Jack would carry on.
28 June 2025
Janet from accounts
Gate makes more sense then gait in the context of the lines that follow it: “It’s all about salary and playing to the gallery”. Someone trying to show off their wealth is more likely to buy a stupid gate than to walk in a silly fashion.
28 June 2025
Quantocks checker outer
Gate is certainly more logical on a linear reading but I still suspect it wouldn’t be beyond our lyricist to employ the play on words / homophone alternative. Doubting myself now though. Let’s say I’m not sure.
28 June 2025
Rien
I’m with Janet on the gate issue. Property and gate make perfect sense. Gait less so.
28 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@TFoK. Unfortunately it was Scafell Pike. After reaching the halfway point, getting lost, returning to the correct path and continuing for a further hour we found out there were still a couple of hours to go to the summit, so we sacked it off. I’ve never been as wet in my life. There’s nothing as humbling as getting completely naked in your own car. Well, there probably is.
28 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Exxo. The more I listen to Jack’s Been To The National, the less I hear any kind of ‘he’s OUR dickhead’ from the perspective of the singer/author. He IS just a dickhead.
28 June 2025
Confused pedant
“Don’t get me wrong, Yvonne” mentions a houseboat between Beckenham and Penge: but as a long time denizen I don’t recall any canal suitable for one. Is it up on bricks in somebody’s back garden? Or am I missing some waterways in the place where I grew up?
28 June 2025
Nick Walters
A disquieting thought about Jack…
I’m a single bloke and I’m on my own every night. Apart from the cat.
Jack is ‘on his own most nights.’
Most… But not every night.
So does that mean on the nights when he’s not alone… Who is he seeing?
On the evidence gleaned from the lyrics I would say prostitutes.
Perhaps I’m reading too much into this. But that’s all part of the great game.
28 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Nick Walters. If not prostitutes, sparse familial vists maybe?
28 June 2025
Nick Walters
Quite possibly!
My mind always goes to the darkest places.
28 June 2025
POP-TART MARK
The album title strikes again methinks.
28 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
He’s trying to win his wife back, which he can’t, because of the prostitutes, so sometimes it’s prostitutes, but there is that poor close family member watching him turn his life to shit who can’t give up on him and turns up for a bi-weekly awkward beer or coffee.
28 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
The ‘Pshewww’ noise NB makes in Falmouth.
28 June 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
“Pshewww”? It’s clearly “Psssschooooo”.
28 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@SW. I will go with that. No qualms whatsoever. I just wanted to check that that is in fact the noise for what I thought it was.
28 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Puh-shee-oo.
28 June 2025
EXXO
@Tutor (#847) Quite.
Number of times HMHB songs have impaled dickheads on their jolly old musical spikes c.150
Number of times HMHB songs have shown some empathy for the dickheads on their spikes c. 0
28 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Exxo. What category would you say ‘Awkward Sean’ fits into? I feel like Sean isn’t being slagged off as such, but now after reading some of the Awkward Sean discussion I’m not even sure that he ever existed.
29 June 2025
Idristhechiseller
I’d say it’s “gate”. If the narrator has seen Jack practice his golf swing, he’ll have seen how he walks. Ridiculous gates are also very much a New Money Cheshire thing, although the last time I drove through Mobberley, I don’t remember noticing any.
29 June 2025
Transit full of Keith
@ConfusedPedant. The Pool River runs between Beckenham and Penge, but online photos and OS map suggest it’s a narrow urban river you might get a kayak along, but which hardly has room for a houseboat.
29 June 2025
Huddersfield's Very Own Steve Malkmus
#854, #855 & #857
“Trying to spell a singer’s onomatopoeic vocalisations” there!
29 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@HVOSM.
‘Journalists who try to spell an interviewee’s laugh’
I didn’t mean to get bogged down with the actual spelling of that vocalisation, but I was a little inebriated. I meant to ask is that a ‘mind blown’ noise? And if so, is that the reason for the exploding head brief for the cover art? Could it be a focal point for the entire album?
29 June 2025
Rien
Just a big thank you to Chris the Site Owner for keeping an eye on this massive flood of messages. Thanks for your time and energy, Chris.
(Cheers – it’s giving me something to do as I’m taking a lot of journeys travelling around N.America – CtSO)
29 June 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
@Tutor #846 In my notes to CtSO I wrote “not sure whether “Psssschooooo” belongs there at all let alone how to spell it”. Looking back at it, it looks more like a sneeze than someone’s mind exploding.
@Tutor #859 I’m not Exxo, but to me Awkward Sean comes from a place of great affection. Sean is both part of the gang (in the pub) and apart from it (building towers out of beermats while everyone else played pool). Everyone remembers a Sean from school, and if they don’t, maybe they were Sean, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
(disclaimer: I’ve had about three hours sleep and five shots of Tsipouro so I’m probably talking bollocks)
29 June 2025
EXXO
.@Tutor (859). thought we were only discussing the dickhead dissing.
Sean an eccentric old contemporary, not a dickhead, as confirmed by NB himself.
[Are you aware Tutes that in the thread for every, or nearly nearly every song on ‘Voltarol’ there are some thoughts from NB himself, discussing the songs in the light of our comments on here, via retired journalist Paddy Shennan. Some time about 5 or 6 weeks into most of the threads, if I recall correctly? It all came about ‘cos Paddy wanted to clarify one single lyric that some of us had got wrong for about 20 years, “Round of golf” in ‘Irk the Purists,’ and though he might as well get our queries sorted on the (then) new album too. Most enlightening, especially because i know that as a musician yourself you will like a bit of process, as well as product].
29 June 2025
EXXO
(didn’t see Lee’s post there before mine. Glad to see I’m not the only one short of sleep but not of units consumed round here)
29 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@SW. I’m now really looking forward to seeing Falmouth transcribed. I toyed with the idea of submitting lyrics to CtSO for the first time, but thought he probably has enough in his hands without my rabid layout being thrown into the mix.
I’m glad I seem to be on the right track regarding Sean. I did feel, yes he’s frustrating at times, but someone who is genuinely missed and reminisced about.
You are not EXXO, no. I really want to hand you a piece of paper saying ‘You ARE Sylvian’s Whippet’. If you don’t understand that reference, that’s no-one’s fault but my own.
30 June 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@EXXO. I was not aware of that, no. But the things I’m not aware of could fill several leather-bound volumes. It’s brilliant and fascinating stuff and a really cool process. To say I’m a musician is a bit of a stretch. In fact I took my bass camping at Scafell, without an amp as there was no power. The other lads seemed quite pissed off that I’d brought a musical instrument that no-one could actually hear over the rain. One lad had a go and said ‘Make it do something then.’
‘Well, that’s it, mate.’
Good time had by all, haha.
30 June 2025
VSF MARMALADE
@ConfusedPedant
When I first heard this, I was wondering if it’s the remnants of the Croydon Canal. Most of it was filled in when they built the railway – but you could fit a houseboat on the bit that’s still extant in Betts Park.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betts_Park
Though that’s more south from Penge than in the Beckenham direction.
1 July 2025
Rien
Aside, I’m beginning to miss songs that are musically/sonically a bit different. Songs like Nove on the Sly, 13 Eurogoths, Shropshire Lad, Paintball, that kind of thing.
1 July 2025
Hammers
Entering the fray for the first time on a train home from Nottingham, after a couple of pints of cider.
Enjoying the endless discussion threads on the new offering, which is on constant repeat in my flat. Wasn’t sure on first hearing but am now obsessed.
I wake up in the middle of the night with songs going round in my head. This morning it was Jack’s been to the National. Not a bad way to start the day.
Personal favourites currently are the last 3, and The Bliss of the Hereafter and McCalliog.
I love the randomness of the comments on this site and the many educational points. Thank you.
1 July 2025
Half Matt Half Biscuit
40 years in and writing something as inspired and joyful as McCalliog should be celebrated. I can’t get enough of listening to the album now it’s worked its magic. The “who?” on the aforementioned McCalliog always brings on a mental grin.
As for Possible Side Effects, beautiful intro, but my favourite part is the spoken section that reminds me of Descent; I half expect it to say “Packet of triffid seeds, crucifixion nails” etc
Wonderful stuff.
1 July 2025
Android, EYES ROLLING
@835, the intro to Possible Side Effects reminds me of the intro to Jacket Hangs, by 80s/90s Bristol band The Blue Aeroplanes.
2 July 2025
NICK WALTERS
Woah! HUGE Aeroplanes fan here. I live in Bristol, and have seen them more times than any other band. Gerard Langley lives near me and I see him sometimes for a chat. He’s a great bloke and they are a great band.
And yes, I can see the similarity between PSE and JH, not so much in the actual tune, but the jangly guitar tone.
2 July 2025
NICK WALTERS
They are still going by the way – their peak of fame was the early 90s – but their most recent album Culture Gun was released in 2023, and it is as brilliant as ever and they always do a Christmas gig at the Fleece… ‘Christmas isn’t Christmas without Gerard and Rodney.’
2 July 2025
Rob R
Saw Blue Aeroplanes many times early 90’s. Best live band I ever did see. Swagger is an album of absolute genius.
2 July 2025
EXXO
I can very much see where you’re coming from with that shout, Android – and of course (@John A) Stipey acknowledged that he started doing the Kenneth/E-Bowey talky songs after Blue Aeroplanes toured with REM, so there’s a direct link …
2 July 2025
No chips allowed
First impressions. Very listenable. Almost easy listening. There, I’ve said it.
2 July 2025
No chips allowed
Not sure if it’s been mentioned here, as I can’t be arsed going through 878 previous comments, but has anyone noticed on the album cover the buzz wire game seems to spell RM (R M Qualtrough?). The inner sleeve shows the same device from the other side, and it looks like 25. Possibly meaning 2025?
2 July 2025
Rien
When you realise you really love the band, as you have for years, but can’t stand their online fans. Two weeks on this site, if that, and I’m out of here. Thanks for publishing the lyrics, much appreciated, but the endless irrelevant nitpicking and ego-boosting bores the pants of me. Take care, stay well, goodbye.
3 July 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Rien. It’s not ego-boosting. It’s good ol’ fashioned pedantry.
3 July 2025
Janet from accounts
Joins site subtitled “233 Pop Songs Picked Over By Pedants”. Complains about pedants picking over pop songs.
Like, I don’t know what they were hoping for.
3 July 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Well, I was terrified about meeting other fans and have found this to be a wonderful experience. The same can’t be said for you lot, obviously.
3 July 2025
Demibisquee
Guys, did I tell you I got a new duvet and sheet set? It was a bit old fashioned, so I took the
– flounces off
3 July 2025
Transit full of Keith
He did this a week ago. He’ll be back in a bit.
3 July 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
And the nitpicking is important too, as there is so much to learn that can completely change the meaning of a song. I’m a bit ashamed to admit this, but the other day someone mentioned the dog dying (or possibly dying) in Big Man Up Front, and I wondered how or why when it simply recieved a blow when it got in the way. Then I read NB’s interview about it on here. I’ve listened to that song hundreds of times and merely furrowed my brow in confusion at the “gym bag’s whine” line. It confused me so much that I’d instantly forget it and start merrily singing about red lights on the dashboard. If there wasn’t this wealth of knowledge and conversation I would still have a completely different outlook regarding that song. I also now think the guy from Big Man Up Front is the biggest bastard the lads have ever sung about. But I’m open to suggestions if there’s a bigger arsehole.
3 July 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
@Tutes #888 I can think of one, but it wasn’t clear exactly how much of a bastard “Mr IQ” was at the time ‘Papworth General’ was released.
3 July 2025
Chris The Siteowner
URGENT: the band have had a request from a proper magazine for a high quality photo from a recent gig, and they’d like to help out but they have nothing themselves. Has anyone here got anything suitable? Did anyone take anything on a decent-ish camera at any of the last few gigs? Email me at chris@chrisrand.com ASAP!
3 July 2025
Transit full of Keith
There were a couple of pro snappers at Bethesda, one of whose pics grace this piece: https://www.allmusicmagazine.co.uk/post/lyrical-wit-and-lo-fi-hits-half-man-half-biscuit-bring-bethesda-to-life
3 July 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@SW. Yes. I forget about “Mr IQ” and with good reason. There isn’t much room between the two subjects that arise from thinking about those characters. I suppose Mr IQ is worse because he definitely existed. I would say he’s worse because he hid in plain sight, but I’m sure there’s lots of big men up front who also hide in plain sight.
3 July 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Transit. Fuuuck off. He’s got a King Kong Company T-shirt on.
3 July 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
I would bet my house that that was from lastexittonowhere. And would probably live in a box shortly afterwards.
3 July 2025
Pte sponge
Goodbye, @Rien. I’ve enjoyed your contribution to this site.
3 July 2025
Horror clown
@rien ‘bores the pants of me.’ Should be off.
Also, this is the best site on the internet.
4 July 2025
parsfan
I’m beginning to wish I’d taken part more, if only so I could say “Je ne regrette, Rien”.
4 July 2025
dr DEsperate
See post 43 on the ‘Paintball’s Coming Home’ page, @PF.
4 July 2025
Roger Irrelevant
I wonder if @Rien means the US definition of pants, or the UK one?
4 July 2025
EXXO
I like to think he realises the US one is also the Merseyside one.
4 July 2025
Charles bonus
The greatest album I have ever heard and I too like my rice pudding creamy and thick
4 July 2025
Tess of the dormobiles
Is Falmouth Electrics the first song to be written about an actual ventriloquist’s dummy? I can’t think of any others.
5 July 2025
chobbers2
Surprised Oasis didn’t do a cover of ‘Possible side Effects’ last night.
(They are fans though – CtSO)
5 July 2025
Johnny Kwango
@TOTD
Orville’s Song fits the bill.
See what I did there, etc.
6 July 2025
Johnny Kwango
If I wasn’t here nitpicking I’d be scratching my head wondering what to do.
6 July 2025
Huddersfield's Very Own Steve Malkmus
@Chobbers2 Not sure how I’d feel if they had… I’m not the biggest fan of the monobrow twins by any stretch, but if they did cover HMHB they’d probably go up in my estimation a little.
6 July 2025
dr DEsperate
The first song to be written about an actual ventriloquist’s dummy, @TOTD (post 901)?
I’d go for ‘The Dummy Song’ by Max Bygraves feat. Peter Brough (1955). Peter’s dummy Archie Andrews isn’t getting all the girls, so Max gives him one.
As in ‘Falmouth Electrics’, it doesn’t end well after she gets a signature song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pl0IHaF86RM&list=RDPl0IHaF86RM&start_radio=1
6 July 2025
Spencer the halfwit
Might have already been mentioned, but enjoyed Gideon Coe playing McCalliog and his Hens on R6 this morning in for Cerys Mathews.
6 July 2025
EXXO
Yes, although it would be interesting to know whether his explanation of the scenario just by repeating some of the lyrics will be as good for sales as was his promise in May that the song would be further clarified by the sleeve notes.
He deliberately segged Jake Thackray, as if trying to make an unspoken point about under-rated “national treasures”. Over exposed to the latter on telly during my childhood, I consider him over-rated (and a bit creepy in an old-fashioned male way, of which this song was a typical example). So I did not particularly enjoy the seg.
6 July 2025
dr DEsperate
Missed that (and Jake Thackeray after it): I stopped listening after I got the first shout out on the show.
6 July 2025
EXXO
By “this song” I of course meant the Thackray track he played, ‘Country Girl.’
6 July 2025
EXXO
@Dr. D – yes, as soon as heard your shout-out I thought “OK, now John’s made up for not being shouted out on RadMac, he’ll be off out doing his rounds, even on a Sunday.”
6 July 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@EXXO. The first Jake Thackray song I was introduced to was “The Lodger” and I really enjoyed it, but I completely understand where you’re coming from with the creepy older male thing. The more you hear, the more you realise it is very in and of its time, like “On The Buses” or Sid James’ laugh.
6 July 2025
dr DEsperate
Probably just as well Gid didn’t segue into a different Thackeray song, another one about hens (and other fowl). Tim Davie is in enough trouble as it is.
6 July 2025
EXXO
HMHB came in out of the 12.30pm news, BTW. But completists may wish to replay Coe’s foretelling of the seg before the news. Those who are perpetually irked by his tone of self-congratulation, as if he’s doing something clever, especially.
Incidentally, I once* had to go and look for Jake Thackray’s son when he failed to appear on our team bus in Hebron.
*I was actually slightly put out that Rien failed to specify “self-indulgent personal anecdotes” as one category of “irrelevance and ego,” in his flounce-ment announcement.
6 July 2025
Demibisquee
@Exxo This was his gift to us I think, a heartfelt plea that we examine ourselves and our life choices, the impact we have on the world. He is no longer here. But we must go on. And on.
(If anyone wants to step in and lecture me on how sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, save your breath. It started in my tweens when my character was set mostly by Rik Mayall characters. Only CtSO can moderate me.)
6 July 2025
dr DEsperate
And, of course, “Thackray”, throughout.
6 July 2025
EXXo
@Demi
Yes, the unexamined forum is not worth orating in. I see our erstwhile Offsted inspector less as Offsted and more Offwat, unable to actually do anything of course, but there to symbolise the qualities we can’t achieve. Offrien, so that we ask ourselves every day, am I:
*Relevant?
*Interesting?
*Egotistical?
*Nit-picking?
And now we have an acronym for all that. We could have it as 4 tick-boxes at the top of the posting form. A kind of self-declaration that we are all RIEN. And so is my wife.
6 July 2025
Charlieapps
Not sure what happened between me falling out of love with The Jam in 1980 and me becoming old. Now officially old I’ve just discovered HMHB.
I read a book by Steven Morris from Joy Division (book mainly about New Order who to my mind are total shite and only make music when they’re skint) and was prompted to check out Joy Division Oven Gloves. It’s an absolute belter and has led me on to discovering more great tunes. The lyrics are thoughtful and funny, to me anyway. National Shite Day is this week’s favourite. Prior to that it’s been Oblong Of Dreams, Every Time A Bell Rings and Tess Of The Dormobiles. Looking forward to discovering more.
6 July 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@CharlieApps. Joy Division Oven Gloves is a very good place to start. Glad you’re enjoying them. The first song that resonated with me was “Time Flies By”. While I am still fortunate enough to have a couple of albums undiscovered, when I haven’t been listening to Asimov I have been listening to “McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt”. One that’s really sticking out for me is “Christian Rock Concert”. At 2:25 I heard this fantastic bass riff and then the rest of the music kicked in, which I can only presume is some kind of synth, and it’s so funny that I had to stifle a chortle as I was walking through town.
6 July 2025
Lord leominster
Hello @CharlieApps. I wonder what you make of the new album, given that everything is new to you. I deduce you’ve listened to the previous two albums, possibly more. How do you think Asimov compares?
6 July 2025
stu
When I read Rien’s “flounce-ment announcement” (thanks for that one, Exxo – might well use that elsewhere in the future if/when appropriate), I assumed one of two things:
a. That the post was in keeping with much of this site and that I was simply missing something very profound. I miss a lot of stuff (well, far too much, anyway) for that reason in many of HMHB’s efforts until it gets discussed or pointed out on here.
b. That someone was keen to prove via this very website how correct a chap I once worked with was when he said, “You can’t please all the people all the time …. and if you ever try to please all the people all the time, you’ll end up pleasing nobody at all.”
As for Jake Thackray, I only remember him from That’s Life and the fact that he penned Bantam Cock, a song I’ve often heard Jasper Carrott perform. I somehow acquired a 4-CD set of Thackray’s music just a few years ago (a form of greatest hits, I suppose), but it’s barely been played here. I’d always assumed much of that too went “Whooooosh!” as it flew over my head, so it’s reassuring to learn that it might simply be that his music has not aged well.
As for you, Charlie Apps, I confess to being deeply envious of anyone who has just discovered HMHB. Imagine having over 200 new songs to hear at this stage in life (as I imagine most people on here are “officially old”), many of which you are more or less guaranteed to like. Fred Titmus got me into the band, way back in 1986, and that song still makes me smile to this day. Good luck on your journey (you lucky so and so)!
Must be off now, as I have to go to my local Gauhaus to guy some guilding materials….. even if I suspect many would-be ventriloquists have as much trouble with the letter M as they do with the letter B. Have a great week, one and all!
7 July 2025
dr DEsperate
‘Bantam Cock’, that’s the fowl one I was alluding to above, @Stu.
Before ‘Don’t Get Me Wrong Yvonne’ there were few songs with a sexual predator as protagonist, but Thackray unfortunately (some more heavy lifting there) had several.
Equally unfortunately, his most misogynist song ‘On Again! On Again!’ began with my favourite Latin pun of all time. Mea culpa.
7 July 2025
Sera_6969
@Charlieapps, My tuppence. Start with Cammel Laird Social Club and you’ll not stop smiling until the end. Then go one album back and one album forward.
8 July 2025
SpiltDown_MAN
Probably had 10 or so listens through Asimov now. Using my personal secret formula for rating any album I’ve given it an overall 6.75 out of 10. Quite low for HMHB despite generally enjoying it and it containing no duff songs.
For me, of the 16 albums so far that puts it 11th between Trouble Over Bridgewater and McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt.
As you’re wondering…
1. Achtung Bono
2. The Voltarol Years
3. Voyage To The Bottom Of The Road
4. 90 Bisodol (Crimond)
5. Four Lads Who Shook The Wirral
6. No-one Cares About Your Creative Hub So Get Your Fuckin’ Hedge Cut
7. Cammell Laird Social Club
8. CSI: Ambleside
9. Back Again In The DHSS
10. Trouble Over Bridgewater
11. All Asimov and No Fresh Air
12. McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt
13. This Leaden Pall
14. Back In The DHSS
15. Urge For Offal
16. Some Call It Godcore
Go easy on me. We all have different tastes ;)
8 July 2025
Chris The Siteowner
There’s no right answer, @SM! But you have inspired me to take a look at the results of the most recent Lux Familiar Cup and to perhaps start a discussion on the ‘best’ album from that. Take a look and see what you think. We’ll have to wait awhile to see how Asimov compares!
8 July 2025
Chris The Siteowner
I moved the chat/contest on the songs written by Neil to the Quiz Thread, as although these things are relevant at the time, ploughing through everybody’s competition entries becomes a little tedious to future readers.
8 July 2025
EXXO
I like the way that future generations can still follow the “two left to guess,” “one left to guess” suspense from Neil as if live in the ‘Voltarol’ album thread, but there you go.
If it’s OK, I’ll still put a odd pointer in this thread in a day or two (not least to let Neil know where our guesses are).
8 July 2025
Paul f
Regarding the earlier comments about the Blue Aeroplanes, I can’t say I’d ever heard of them. But only today, while searching for something else on the BBC iPlayer, I stumbled upon an episode of the Andy Kershaw-fronted Whistle Test reboot from 1987. It caught my eye as Sinead O’Connor was a featured artist, and I’m a big fan of her debut album from that year. As it happens, the show opens with a Blue Aeroplanes video (Tolerance). Very nice in a mid-80s kind of way.
9 July 2025
dr DEsperate
Speaking of AK47, anybody in the Todmorden area on Sunday night could do worse than get themselves along to The Golden Lion to see him reminiscing about his co-presenting Live Aid on its 40th anniversary.
7.30pm, free admission, donations to Music for the Many.
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/live-aid-40-years-on-andy-kershaw-in-conversation-tickets-1424984299399
9 July 2025
ReGurmez
@CtSO a boring bit of admin but is it worth updating that comment on the home page about a new lyric being added every other day now that they’ve all been done?
(Thanks – Done – CtSO)
10 July 2025
the paddy in and out of the mosh
Ok, I will concede that the Bliss of the Hereafter is definitely a worker. Finding some craic with the last three tracks also, but…
As a recent re entry , having overlooked from slipper/biro to Cut that Hedge, they are not on the same level as the extraordinary beauty and empathy of the two closers on the last album. I also got a kick out of Midnight Mass Murders, and some others.
No really bad track on Nobody…
12 July 2025
Cmb
EXXO
From a thread ages ago, you must have been at the same school within a year of me!
Not getting into Atmosfear really chimed with me
12 July 2025
EXXO
@CMB I was1974-81. I can remember plenty about most of the lads in my class, (best mate Ian Barnett from Heswall) but very little about any other class and year (except my 2 mates fom Wallasey Andreas Panayi & David Lane).
13 July 2025
gipton tEnager
Just listened to AAANFA. (I’ve been proper poorly lately) – Made me laugh and think – as usual. Thank you ( as ever ).
13 July 2025
Thedevilpuppet
There’s a full page in the September issue of Uncut (Paul Weller cover & rarities CD) album review, live pic credited to Chris Rand & a little Q&A with Nigel.
14 July 2025
GORDON BURNS
Album description as posted next to the LP/CD on the new releases stand in my local independent music store (Resident Music, Brighton). They participate in RSD in quite a big way, but can laugh at themselves.
—–
Half Man Half Biscuit
All Asimov And No Fresh Air
RMQUALTROUGH
Chucklesome ditties are what we’ve come to expect from the Biscuit but, even then, we weren’t prepared for the RSD-skewering hilarity of their track ‘Record Store Day’ – all together now “oh we do like to re-release our B-Sides”
FFO: Frank Turner / Lottery Winners / Billy Bragg / John Cooper Clarke
14 July 2025
Graeme
I wasn’t aware of the new album until 6 Music Riley & Coe played a track.
I’ve now ordered the CD, (as with all the previous ones) and await its arrival. I’ve read the track titles and laughed til it hurt !
Brilliant 👍
15 July 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Graeme. I’m envious that you’ve got it all to come. Enjoy.
15 July 2025
tpiaoftm
Ok, apologies, I’ve worked out it’s not Nobody, but No one. Perhaps a fatal error among pedants. What is the shorthand for their complete album then folks?
16 July 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Still waiting to see the September issue of Uncut magazine, with the full page review of the album, as mentioned by TheDevilPuppet above. All the shops around me still have the August issue on display, although on 17 July that’s hardly surprising.
17 July 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Update: I still haven’t seen the September Uncut magazine (Paul Weller cover) in our local corner shop (yet), but it’s now available online via Apple News, Pressreader, etc. for those who subscribe. Many people will have a Pressreader account available if they have a membership of their local public library – it’s an incredible free resource, check it out.
I’ll archive the full-page review here eventually but I think it’s only fair not to straight away. The gig photos I sent in for them (thanks to those who offered some) came out fairly well. The editor tells me that Nigel apologised about not having any available, saying the band would “have no qualms about them using another group’s picture if they can’t get one.”
18 July 2025
paul f
I managed to view it via a 30-day free trial to Apple News on my phone. Interestingly the reviewer assumes Isaac Know-it-all is Asimov himself.
18 July 2025
transit full of keith
Cheers for the Pressreader tip – handy that. A Good Review and a Good But Short Interview. I think the Bethesda photo captioned “Blackwell: telepathic poultry” is mine, though it seems to have taken on a ghastly sheen.
18 July 2025
EXXo
@Gipton Tony #934. Just seen your post. So good to hear you’re back out to play after a tough time. Really hope to catch up with you soon, and happy 50th anniversary coming up of pretending to still be a teenager, according to what one hears. Enjoy!
18 July 2025
Ian walton
@gipton tenager are you from the Gipton mate did you go to coldcoates and oak tree schools then maybe foxwood
18 July 2025
Hendrix-tattoo
Alright Tone…
19 July 2025
EXXO
@Ian W. pretty sure he won’t mind me saying called Tony Fryer and as far as I remember he’s the only former member of my formerly Woodhouse (Leeds) – based footy team who was actually from Woodhouse (where the Fryers formerly practised nominative determinism in the local chippy). Chose the name just as a Leeds-related name for a Biscuiteer. I’m told he’s having a 70th birthday piss-up in Horsforth next Saturday.
19 July 2025
Ian walton
@EXXO brilliant thanks mate
19 July 2025
Stephen G
Late to the parade, had the album since release but only listened for first time today, thought best before we go down the cave. Unfortunately found myself in a different dark hole since February & couldn’t be bothered, I did venture out to Ulverston but then immediately hated ‘Clowns’ & when the following track includes the word ‘Samaritans’ I thought best keep away.
Now had a listen and apart from the opener I’m loving it, Bliss of Hereafter, Polymath and the last three stand out at the mo.
More importantly I’m looking forward to Friday, I wouldn’t have said that last week.
22 July 2025
EXXO
Yeah Friday should be special. I think a group of us will be in Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese before the gig, and you can’t really miss us, if you want to discuss the highs and not quite so highs of the album, and whatever other topics people’s t-shirt choices bring to mind. Hope you have a great night anyway Stephen.
22 July 2025
MickeyMo
My copy of Uncut dropped through the letterbox this morning and I can confirm there is a full page review (8/10) and a short chat with Nigel.
He says his problem with Ben Shephard is that “he smells of formaldehyde and has a collection of tiny shoes”.
And “… Hens” was gift from beyond the grave courtesy of Mrs Greatorex.
22 July 2025
Poolio
Gadzooks! Another album, they’re coming thick and fast… ordered – can I resist the Spootifunk afore it arrives and I hurl it into the old JVC?!
22 July 2025
toiaoftm
“…practised nominative determinism in the local chippy”
– Lovely.
24 July 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
So if I understand it correctly, someone who is named chippy works in a chippy? And if they were called chippy and were a joiner nominative determinism could still occur? It’s a wonderful new phrase to me, hence the question.
24 July 2025
Chris The Siteowner
It’s a reference to the comment earlier (947) where a Mr Fryer worked in the chippy, because of course he did. The Popbitch newsletter is one of the best sources of nominative determinees in the news, and has recently brought us American tennis player, Katie Volynets, and an encore appearance by consultant urologist Dr Nick Burns-Cox.
24 July 2025
Transit full of Keith
Used to be two PE teachers at a school near me called Mr. Jump and Miss Panting, according to what one hears.
24 July 2025
Pte sponge
Doolittle and Dalley. Estate agents. Kidderminster. https://www.doolittle-dalley.co.uk/
24 July 2025
proFESSOR ABELAZAR WOOZLE
Since there’s not yet an A-Z entry , I guess here’s the best place to post this. Looks like goodbye Samaritans as well…https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cm2l23ylv46o
25 July 2025
Chris The Siteowner
Review:
https://www.thetonearm.com/the-fantastic-voyage-of-half-man-half-biscuit/
26 July 2025
Stephen G
@Exxo just seen Post 950, late again. Didn’t make the Cheese unfortunately, got as far as the Castle, we met few fellow enthusiasts & had a chat in there.
Big part of the night out we really enjoy & it’s weird when pubs are bleating about hard times they’re so keen to shut their doors to a crowd ready to spend.
26 July 2025
Stephen G
Forgot to add, in other news, on the way home we did see there was indeed a Persian Rug Sale at the Cherry Burton village hall.
26 July 2025
Poolio
I saw a copy of the album on vinyl in HMV (sell outs!)
27 July 2025
brumbiscuit
Did they have any Gauhaus?
27 July 2025
Our Martin on the other hand
I don’t suppose you noticed how much were they charging for The Shawshank Redemption?
27 July 2025
Sylvians Whippet
I see Seeds have now added the album T-shirt to the site, although without any sizes so it’s not yet available to order (and £6-£8 more than all the other T-shirts – is this because it’s printed both sides?)
Personally I won’t be buying, as red doesn’t look good on me – it matches my face.
28 July 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Don’t think I could pull that off either. It matches my arse.
28 July 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
Have you got a gagoon’s gottom? Have you got a gagoon’s gottom?
28 July 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Lol. To quote The Shirehorses again. “His cheeks were the tone of his blood-red sweater and the cheeks on his face weren’t much better.”
28 July 2025
No chips allowed
A new algun out now throm Halth Nan, Halth Giscuit, “All Asinoth and no thresh air.” Songs include Goodgye San, Hello Sanaritans, Rawlclugs oth yesteryear( greaking the States), The gliss oth the hereaster, NcCalliog and his hens, I’m going out oth ny nind trying to get into yours, No one likes a tolynath, Don’t get ne wrong Ythonne, Girnos in the Cowshed, Thalnouth Electrics, Jack’s geen to the National and Tossigle side ethects.
28 July 2025
No chips allowed
Schoolboy error line 1. Should read ‘thron’, not ‘throm’. Alnost intossigle to say M with these lits.
28 July 2025
Sylvian's Whippet
@NCA This looks like a fun day in the cark.
29 July 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
Ask about the Lots Nore.
29 July 2025
No chips allowed
Not sure if it’s been noted here, but apparently in the 1950’s there was a ventriloquist named Peter Brough who’s puppet was Archie Andrews. It was a very successful act……on the radio.
30 July 2025
dr DEsperate
See post 906 above, @NCA.
30 July 2025
No chips allowed
Cheers for that @ Dr. D. My point being that it was a popular programme on the radio. How the heck would we know if the vent’s lips moved or not? A perfect crime?
30 July 2025
dr DEsperate
The radio programme (Educating Archie) was so successful that he moved into TV, first on the BBC then ITV. Unfortunately this exposed his limitations as a ventriloquist, which he tried to mask by the use of a large cigar.
30 July 2025
paul f
As I may have already mentioned on here before, the fact that my parents loved that radio show and saw no flaw in the concept suggests talk of the “greatest generation” may be overblown.
30 July 2025
John McNamara
McCalliog And His Hens is definitely the highlight for me.
Also up there: Rawlplugs of Yesteryear, and the very strong triple finish of Falmouth Electrics, Jack’s Been To The National and Possible Side Effects.
Hens lend a hand; hens know the land.
1 August 2025
POP-TART MARK
Nice semi-colon.
1 August 2025
Pirx The Purist
Completely with you about McCalliog, John. It’s not just the wonderfully surreal concept, but the tune and the arrangement; it sounds like something Marty Robbins might have done.
1 August 2025
dr DEsperate
Ahh, Marty Robbins (not to be confused with Tim)! Apart from his many successes in the world of country music (including the first record to feature fuzz guitar) and NASCAR racing, I consider his greatest triumph to have been his marriage to a lady called Marizona.
2 August 2025
Ian walton
23 down telegraph crossword yesterday
Primarily all signals intelligence minimises our vulnerability, one read
3 August 2025
Hammers
Sorry to post here but I recall someone setting up a fantasy football league recently and I can’t find the link.
(Try here – CtSO)
3 August 2025
dr DEsperate
Further revelations from that Uncut mag Q&A (see post 951 above): NB doesn’t consider himself lyrically inventive (“It’s not particularly clever to sing about Rawlplugs, for instance”), and the bit at the end of TBOTH “isn’t about me on a bicycle disappearing beneth the waves, which I believe has been suggested. It’d be a waste of a decent bike would that”.
10 August 2025
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
I think I’d disagree with him on not being lyrically inventive. There still seems to be something ominous about “While you’re gassing at the gate.” Something is going down when one least expects it, unless it’s just the reassurance that while we’re caught up in our own little lives, processes (possibly beyond one’s comprehension) are taking place and always will.
Until the other day I didn’t think I’d heard any Betjemen and then discovered that I’d been taught “Slough” in geography class at school.
10 August 2025
Chris The Siteowner
As the subsequent issue of Uncut magazine is out, I guess it’s OK to now upload their review of the album here.
16 August 2025
Third rate les
That’s a g-g-g-good review.
I always find that attempts to describe them fall short (“savage wit”? It’s the gentle wit that really does it) but it’s a good summary of some song highlights. Glad to say I’ve finally come to really love it, and I agree with the review picking out Falmouth. Upstaged and bullied by his own dummy…
17 August 2025
EXXO
One of my best mates through my twenties was a particularly lovely Rob Hughes (from Hounslow, settled down in Belgium & had a family there, when we gradually lost touch). So I’m always inclined to feel extra warmly towards this chap’s work, having enjoyed ,his collaborations with Marc Riley, etc.
So I’ll give him 5 out of 5 for the intro/background, 4 out of 4 for the good interview questions, and 8 out of 13 for the tracks he pens a decent appreciation of, nothing for 3 tracks he totally misses out and minus 2 for the two he doesn’t understand.
So 17 out of 22 is a pretty high mark coming from me, and presumably it would have been 20 if the editing process hadn’t swiped a paragraph of two, which maybe would have started with ‘Horror Clowns,’ cos it’s really odd the way he says “energy levels dip” for ‘The Bliss,’ which is true, but that’s the first specific track he mentions.
17 August 2025
EXXO
15 out of 22 in fact that comes to. That’s high praise from me that is.
17 August 2025
EXXO
Maybe someone should now give my review of the review 6/10, and so on. for about a dozen reviews, then someone write a concept album about the whole process and someone review that. And so on.
17 August 2025
dr DEsperate
Even more trouble now (see post 913 above).
10 November 2025
JED THE HUMANOID
As mentioned in another post very late to the party here it’s not that I haven’t been aware of HMHB it’s just that the two tracks I can remember hearing over the years Dukla Prague and JDOG didn’t hit the sweet spot unlike Polymath a couple of months back on 6Music courtesy of Mr Riley. Polymath is just about perfect in every way an exquisite piece of writing before the wonderful musical accompaniment. Having digested the album on repeat for a number of weeks and delved into the wonderful educational Lyrics discussion on here I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s one of those rare beasts, an album without a duff track. The two absolute standouts for me are the aforementioned track and Possible side effects which couldn’t be any different. That being said McCalliog, Falmouth, Jack all had me smiling, chuckling, sniggering and laughing. It’s also wonderful to the transported back to Rawhide, Robinson Crusoe, Sam and Samantha although there may be a suggestion from a contributor on here that over the years I may have misgendered Samantha.
What a great introduction to HMHB. The Voltarol Years dropped on the mat this morning and as much as I tried I failed miserably and started with the final track.
19 November 2025
dr DEsperate
Anyone who can’t be Asimoved to read the eponymous author’s works might care to listen to R4X, where a 2017 dramatisation of his ‘I, Robot’ collection of short stories has just been repeated. The 70-minute Omnibus edition will be available on the Sounds app for the next 29 days.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/b08dwwrv
8 December 2025
GORDON BURNS
Thanks DR.D. Really enjoyed that. There is so much of his stuff out there and I’ve only really read the Foundation books.
9 December 2025
dr DEsperate
As you may know, there are 3 seasons of ‘Foundation’ currently available on Apple TV – not started watching those yet, but will probably do so once ‘Down Cemetery Road’ and ‘Pluribus’ have finished.
9 December 2025
Old tige
The Apple TV Foundation is entertaining, though takes a number of liberties with the story line. Worth watching, but your heart will be more filled with delight if you read the trilogy first. Er, and some other books
10 December 2025
Chris The Siteowner
No.12 in Is This Music? magazine’s best of 2025. I’m sure they’ll fix the typo.
31 December 2025
Alice van der meer
I think I’d listen to Psychedelic Porn Crumpets (#45) just for the name.
31 December 2025
EXXO
Couldn’t find a review of the album on that site, but have linked their one of the Glasgow gig in that thread.
31 December 2025
Johnny kwango
@CtSO #997 I rather hope they don’t as I rather liked it.
Post #1000 on the new album thread; do I win a prize?
31 December 2025
Johnny Kwango
Features in the “Album of the year” vote at Norman Records:
https://www.normanrecords.com/features/best-albums/vote/
Needless to say I have already voted.
31 December 2025
JED THE HUMANOID
Ploughing through this thread and all the others together with arms full of albums will probably keep me occupied for the calendar year 2026 however seeing the comments about the finest song writing by a youngster across 398 to 402 then surely the prize has to go to Kate Bush for The Kick Inside???
3 January 2026
Chris The Siteowner
No.3 in albums of the year as voted for by The Afterword readers. Quite a big poll. See the full Top 100 and discussion here:
https://theafterword.co.uk/the-afterword-top-100-2025-the-results/
10= (141 points)
Jason Isbell – Foxes in the Snow
Jeff Tweedy – Twilight Override
9 (145 points)
Van Morrison – Remembering Now
7= (162 points)
The Divine Comedy – Rainy Sunday Afternoon
The Delines – Mr Luck & Ms Doom
6 (168 points)
Suzanne Vega – Flying With Angels
5 (180 points)
Rosalia – Lux
4 (192 points)
CMAT – Euro-Country
3 (200 points)
Half Man Half Biscuit – All Asimov And No Fresh Air
2 (282 points)
Robert Plant with Suzi Dian – Saving Grace
1 (295 points)
Pulp – More
7 January 2026
EXXO
Great stuff. A podium finish. I guess many of you across the nations will be wondering about the average age of those acts, and of the readership of the ‘zine, but will be too busy running major industries and services, etc, to do the math(s). At your service!
If the list was the following, taking the age of the main songwriter for the groups, adding in HMHB would actually bring the average age down by a few months:
Jason Isbell – 46
Jeff Tweedy – 58
Van Morrison – 80
The Divine Comedy – 62
The Delines (Vlautin) – 59
Suzanne Vega – 66
Robert Plant – 77
Pulp – 66
Average without HMHB = 64.25
Average with HMHB = 64
But with Rosalia & CMAT, whose (mixed) aggregate age is exactly the same as Nigel’s, the average comes down to 58.
7 January 2026
blighted rAY
Good to hear some tracks from the album have been voted into The Festive Fifty 2025 on Dandelion Radio
https://www.dandelionradio.com/festive50.htm
8 January 2026
Chris The Siteowner
Not overly exciting (just some end of year mentions), but the band appears to have one or more fans in the Quad Cities*.
https://www.rcreader.com/music/year-in-music-2025-local-survey
* The Quad Cities is a bi-state metropolitan area straddling the Mississippi River, comprising Davenport & Bettendorf (Iowa side) and Moline, Rock Island, & East Moline (Illinois side)
10 January 2026
Chris H
Splendid album; still thoroughly enjoying it after repeated listens. Regarding Nigel’s brief for the artwork, there is a sleep disorder which goes by the name of “Exploding Head Syndrome” which involves the sufferer hallucinating the sound of loud bangs and crashes. Seems apt.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exploding_head_syndrome
13 January 2026
The Tutor With The Beard and The Polio
@Chris H. I have DEFINITELY experienced that before. Being convinced of a loud bang whilst falling asleep, but knowing I can’t have heard one. That one I find quite enjoyable. Experienced sleep paralysis once, which was terrifying. Came to in bed and found myself staring at the window with the curtains open, unable to avert my gaze, with a feeling of utter horror. It took about two minutes to wear off.
13 January 2026
IDIOT SAUL
The coveted Golden Fanny is awarded by Temporary Fandoms. It’s their version of the Mercury Prize.
And the winner of the Golden Fanny 2025 is…
…All Asimov and No Fresh Air.
Hurrah!
(Note from CtSO: Temporary Fandoms is a Facebook group which requires membership, so we can’t link to the award post)
2 February 2026
Lambchops
Rather late to the party here, but having had the chance to listen to this on some recent commutes (having missed that it had been released), I think it’s definitely my favourite of the post 2010 albums. 90 Bisidol runs it close, but in a Lux Familiar cup setting a few of the direct run ins of “like for like songs” would be edged by Asimov (Don’t Get me Wrong Yvonne wins the creepy obsession battle over Excavating Rita, for example).
A bit more mulling and back to back listens required before I can tell where it sits vs an Achtung Bono, Trouble Over Bridgwater or CSI: Ambleside, but rea9lly feel they are on top form here.
Perhaps they should try and do one of those Tiny Desk concerts with NPR. Americans who like their minature furniture might well also appreciate a good rawl plug, seems a chance to get those college radio jocks on side.
26 July 2026