Result
| % | % | Votes | ||||
| 3 | Evening of Swing (Has Been Cancelled) | 34 | v | 66 | National Shite Day | 809 |
Comments closed. Comment on the results here.
| % | % | Votes | ||||
| 3 | Evening of Swing (Has Been Cancelled) | 34 | v | 66 | National Shite Day | 809 |
Comments closed. Comment on the results here.
There are 14 Half Man Half Biscuit albums, plus two roundup compilations, as well as 4 EPs and a handful of one-off songs. No 'Greatest Hits'. Indulge yourself by starting here.
In which we chose the nation's favourite Half Man Half Biscuit song. For the next four years, anyway.
Search for any lyric, reference, song title ...whatever.
The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project website © 2007—2021 Chris Rand • All lyrics are the property of their owners
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Righteous Handbag
These could almost be the same song, in a prologue and Epilogue style on old Prog Concept albums..eesh…torn!
30 November 2015
EXXO
@ R. Hanbag Esq.
Someone should do a ‘CSI Animal-side’ side-project, in the style of ‘Dub Side of the Moon’ perhaps.
The market would be stoned teenagers mainly I imagine:
Harmlessly passing your time in the grassland away;
Only dimly aware of a certain unease in the air.
You better watch out,
There may be dogs about
I’ve looked over Jordan, and I have seen
Glyder Fach and Glyder Fawr and I saw in a dream
Your charmless associates in a stretch limousine
They were plunging headlong into a ravine
And your Evening of Swing has been cancelled
Your Evening of Swing has been cancelled
Your Evening of Swing has been cancelled
Your Evening of Swing
What do you get for pretending the danger’s not real.
Meek and obedient you follow the leader
Down well trodden corridors into the valley of steel.
What a surprise! A look of terminal shock in your eyes.
Now things are really what they seem.
No, this is no bad dream
And a plague fell upon the Retail Park
And a storm broke over Henman Hill
And the christening party arsehole
Who hitherto had blurred
My conception of man as nature’s final word
Was fleeing from the lava
His satnav pleading thus:
“I’m not from round here mate, you should have got the bus”
…….. and (2 sides of imaginary vinyl later )….
I felt sorry for him
He’d only been locked up for public nuisance offences
One of which saw him beachcombing the Dee Estuary
Found a dead wading bird
Took it home, parcelled it up, and sent it off to the rubber-faced irritant Phil Cool
With a note inside which read: “Is this your sanderling?”
Another time saw him answering an advert in the music press
“Keyboard player required: Doors, Floyd, etc.
Must be committed, no time wasters”
You can guess the rest
Now I don’t feel alone,
Or the weight of the stone,
Now that I’ve found somewhere safe
To bury my bone.
‘Cos any fool knows a dog needs a home,
A shelter from dead sanderling.
30 November 2015
Chris The Siteowner
4 sides of imaginary vinyl later I’d hope, Exxo.
30 November 2015
Two fat feet
Seems bizarre that Ambleside should be the only album to have more than one song left at this stage, when it is a comparative sinkhole in the band’s discography since Bridgewater. However neither of these songs look out of place at this stage; EoS is a great high-paced opener with great guitar work, but I do expect it to be steamrollered here by NSD which I still have the feeling will trample over everything until it lifts the sonic silverware. Feel a bit sad to be voting against EoS but my colours are posted to NSD’s mast, partly because I’m afraid it might know where I live. NSD to win with 66%.
30 November 2015
EXXO
It always had 2 stand-out tracks, and I must admit I do sometimes skip ‘BBA’ and ‘Chimp’, but I’m pretty sure you’re the only person on here in the last seven years who’s said that about ‘CSI’ as a whole…
30 November 2015
featureless tv producer steve
Casting a sympathy vote for Evening of Swing, as it flees from the lava that is NSD. At least this particular personal fave will be going down to a worthy adversary, and I won’t be pounding my head on my desk in bewilderment.
30 November 2015
Batley’s very own… Steve malkmus
Any song that opens with
“Pulling the ice-axe from my leg, I staggered on, spindrift stinging my remaining eye…” really should be a candidate for being the new National Anthem once we get rid of them inbreds.
30 November 2015
Two fat feet
I skip nearly half of it. What remains is as good as anything they’ve done.
30 November 2015
flintlock
I’ve started appreciating EoS a bit more since this competition started, but it’s never going to beat NSD.
Is EoS just another Paintball’s Coming Home update, with a decent tune?
30 November 2015
Beltane beard
EoS is a good song but it’s League 1 compared to its opponent and no upset likely here.
National Shite Day holds sway.
30 November 2015
Stringy bob
I really like EoS, but NSD is just too damn good.
30 November 2015
peter mcornithologist
@ Featureless. Do not give up.Evening of Swing is magnificent.When Nigel powers towards the end I feel as if I am 15 again.
30 November 2015
Dickhead in quicksand
15 again, or 16 again? One year matters, at those ages.
30 November 2015
Clwydian IAN HILL
EOS ta. Quite possibly their finest, in my tiny mind of course
30 November 2015
ben W
EoS for me. Great tune, great imagery – the lava/satnav section is a particular favourite. No complaints if NSD wins as it is truly splendid, but there are already a few comments in favour of Swing so hopefully it’s not a foregone conclusion. Whatever the result the match is sure to be a great advert for the Lux Familiar Cup.
1 December 2015
featureless tv producer steve
@PeterMcC – when you say “When Nigel powers toward the end” are you referring to the bit from about 2:17 to 2:24? If you are, I’m in complete agreement. Such a great, cool little groove to lead into the last verse. Quite possibly my favorite seven seconds of music in the entire HMHB catalogue (Note: I might be drunkenly exaggerating for effect).
@TFF – I’d be interested to know what “half” of CSI you skip. While I agree with Exxo that Chimp and BBA are probably the weak siblings, I find the rest of CSI absolutely magnificent. And even BBA has its charms.
1 December 2015
Jeff Dreadnought
What’s the poor old chimp done to upset people? OK, the funky bass line may not be to everyone’s liking, but for my bag of rivets, it’s a very clever song. The extended Ideal Home Show as Heart of Darkness metaphor is Kafkaesque genius.
1 December 2015
Jeff Dreadnought
@Exxo and Handbag, that’s inspired. But don’t forget the bit that goes:
Gotta stay awake, gotta try and shake off this creeping malaise. Is it all in my head?
If I don’t stand my own ground, how can I find my way out of this pleasure ground with maze in the shape of a sled?
1 December 2015
gipton teenager
Given a different draw I think EOS would have got to the final. Sadly, we must play the cards we are dealt so NSD for me. Should there be a national vote on the date of National Shite Day ?
1 December 2015
gipton teenager
Also, for CtSO, I think it was NSD which ran away with the BD round.
1 December 2015
EXXO
‘swan @Jeff
I’ve got a prodigious nephew in a music college somewhere who can play all that kind of stuff note perfect, effects and all, and I must admit I’ve been looking for a project we could do together … such things are usually all talk with me so don’t watch this space… but you never know.
1 December 2015
THE REFEREE WITH A GUN
Is it too early/late for the swing voter gag?
1 December 2015
Brumbsicuit
@Gipton Teenager: NB10 nominated 29/4/2011…
1 December 2015
TWo fat feet
Had to look up the track listing to see which are the ones I skip. Problem Chimp (really don’t get that one), BBA, Totnes, Hi-Vis, Roids and Bubblewrap.
With any album there’s a division between the ones I like or really like and the ones I can take or leave, or on rare occasions really haven’t got time for. I think in this case it’s mainly that the gap for me is wider than on any other album – knowing that the better ones are SO much better, I haven’t got the patience for the weaker tracks.
1 December 2015
Chris The Siteowner
Funny all of this talk about track skipping. Other than when an album comes out, I haven’t “listened to an album” in that sense for about ten years. I have music on all day, every day, but it’s only ever iTunes playlists, shuffle mode, Spotify Radio or any of the other goodies which digital music has given us. I’d genuinely forgotten all about “listening to an album” and “skipping tracks”. Do I miss the thrill of knowing what song is coming next? Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about it.
1 December 2015
EXXO
Don’t worry at (y)our age there’s not much chance of remembering what song’s coming next anyway.
1 December 2015
Two fat feet
I confess I don’t actually ‘skip’ tracks as such – I just delete them from my iTunes if I don’t think I’d miss them. Still got my permanent MP3 back-up discs in the loft though.
1 December 2015
Brumbiscuit
@CtSO: I recently revived my stereo set up, which includes an ancient CD player bought the day I left for Sweden in ’93. I haven’t got the remote control, so I have to listen to whole albums. It’s actually quite refreshing, especially with albums like Graceland and Sgt. Pepper’s, as you get the whole context of the artists’ intentions. Even more important with the occasional classical one.
2 December 2015
peter mcornithologist
@ Mr. Featureless. With regard to Evening of Swing.My love for it is centred around its constant building until it reaches a climax of immense power.Oddly I get similar feelings from Uffington Wassail and The Bane of Constance , neither of which seem to be particularly popular.
2 December 2015
paul f
The lack of recognition for Uffington Wassail grieves me deeply.
2 December 2015
Jeff Dreadnought
@Peter @Paul Uffington Wassail followed by Third Track Main Camera Four Minutes is possibly the most devastating seven-odd minutes in the entire canon, and a good reason why it’s better to listen to albums all the way through and in the right order.
2 December 2015
GOK WAN ACOLYTE
CSI is an album where I skip most tracks – although this competition has made me re-appraise EOS, I’m still voting NSD though I have some reservations about its “greatness”
2 December 2015
paul f
TOB is my favourite album by a comfortable margin.
2 December 2015
Jeff Dreadnought
It would be interesting to have the whole “best album” (or EP, etc.) debate within the context of the album-based (or Camps of Hope-based) tournament mooted elsewhere. I reckon the albums deserve to be listened to as a coherent whole, rather than as a randomly assembled collection of songs. Otherwise, it’s perhaps difficult to appreciate how the CSI concept album begins on a note of splendid, apocalyptic irascibility that by NSD has grown into a tidal wave of anger. Or how the bitter disappointment voiced in the first track of UfO is symmetrically resolved in the last track, with its message that, while it may be better to travel hopefully than to arrive, sometimes it’s better not to travel at all. And – in a similar vein – to enjoy the way that Trouble over Bridgewater make its way from Uffington to Bulbarrow Hill but also takes in Amesbury on its way (while giving Bridgwater a wide berth). And while the quality of those albums may or may not be consistent throughout (depending on your view of the individual songs), I think the mood (anger and alienation in the case of CSI, cheerful, purist-irking defiance of convention in ToB, empathy and, ultimately, quiet contentment in the case of UfO) certainly is.
2 December 2015
Brumbiiscuit
@Jeff Dreadnought, et al; I’d counter with Dickie Davies Eyes, The Bastard Son of Dean Friedman and I was a Teenage Armchair Honved Fan from BAITDHSS. Pure, unadulterated fun.
However, MT&D is probably my favourite album.
2 December 2015
gipton teenager
I’m generally a Radio 4 listener, but when a program I don’t like comes on (such as Moneybox, iffy ‘comedy ‘ shows, etc.) out comes the MP3 player and I think it’s just plain rude not to listen to the music as the artist intended,even if some tracks are obviously fillers.
2 December 2015
gipton teenager
@Brumbiscuit. Am I being a bit dim if I ask why 29/4/2011?
3 December 2015
Brumbiiscuit
@Gipton Teenager: it was said at a (very good) Leicester gig the night before the nuptials of our head-parasite-to-be-to-be. NB10 then launched into the best rendition of NSD I’ve ever heard.
I’d wager that the ranks of staunch royalists are not blessed with over many HMHB fans judging by the heartfelt pounding out of the chorus that night.
3 December 2015
gipton teenager
I suppose the people of Syria might think that today is their NSD
3 December 2015
Hazelsound
NSD never in doubt. Quartering crows and homeless dogs. An inferno of bile. Just brilliant.
3 December 2015
Hammerfist Deceiver
@ The Referee With A Gun
Late.
5 December 2015
Hammerfist Deceiver
@ The Referee With A Gun
No. Early.
5 December 2015