The Lux Familiar Cup 2015 – The Full Story

National Shite Day is our winner!

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The Final

National Shite Day58v42The Light at the End of the Tunnel813

In a “Light vs Shite” final, TLATEOTT had gone in as the clear favourite after the Baguette Dilemma qualifying round (see below). But in a head-to-head match, early tournament form went out of the window, and apart from a brief moment in the first few hours of voting, NSD never looked likely to lose. A worthy successor to ACP in the 2011 tournament.

Featureless TV Producer Steve said: “National Shite Day: a glorious, epic, colossal barrage of guitars and anger, chronicling the grim daily crap we all somehow endure here in the bleak ridiculousness of the 21st century, with defiance and dark humour and even more cleverness. And that opening line – how can I vote against anything with that opening line?”

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The Semi-Finals

The Light at the End of the Tunnel57v4324-Hour Garage People871
National Shite Day55v45Everything’s AOR861

Drawn by a formula which used the order in which the songs were played at Bilston, we learned at the gig that the band were following the tournament, and went on our best behaviour after that. After one of the ties was announced, Kendo Nagasaki said: “Feels like the final everyone wanted has been drawn a round early”. Despite the band’s exhortations, we got a final between two songs both from the 2000s.

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The Quarter-Finals

The Light at the End of the Tunnel58v42The Trumpton Riots730
Twenty Four Hour Garage People59v41Bob Wilson – Anchorman767
Evening of Swing (Has Been Cancelled)34v66National Shite Day809
Everything’s AOR61v39For What Is Chatteris…900

Drawn by pegging the songs to dogs running at Monmore, we discovered that greyhound races get cancelled at a moment’s notice, and that the results often get amended. Still, an exciting round marred only by some vote-fixing which failed to change the result of the last tie. “Hearts are going to be broken at every turn from hereon in”, says Two Fat Feet.

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The Last 16

Twenty Four Hour Garage People54v46All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit518
Outbreak Of Vitas Gerulaitis27v73The Light at the End of the Tunnel522
A Country Practice47v53The Trumpton Riots569
Asparagus Next Left30v70National Shite Day574
Everything’s AOR53v47Joy Division Oven Gloves588
Bob Wilson – Anchorman61v39Fix It So She Dreams Of Me591
Rock And Roll Is Full Of Bad Wools49.6v50.4Evening Of Swing (Has Been Cancelled)617
Dead Men Don’t Need Season Tickets30v70For What Is Chatteris…630

As balls were pulled out of the bag for the FA Cup 2nd Round in the real world, we filled up our own draw in order. “I’d say most of those are too close to call”, said Gok Wan Acolyte, echoing the thoughts of many. Our eventual finalists made that look like a rash prediction. We also got the biggest casualties of the tournament, as number 2 seed JDOG and 2011 winner ACP both crashed out.

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The Last 32

The Light at the End of the Tunnel82v18Adam Boyle Has Cast Lad Rock Aside584
Joy Division Oven Gloves65v35Tending The Wrong Grave For 23 Years500
The Trumpton Riots59v41When The Evening Sun Goes Down523
National Shite Day59v41We Built This Village On A Trad. Arr. Tune512
Everything’s AOR70v30Irk The Purists497
Lord Hereford’s Knob49v51Dead Men Don’t Need Season Tickets468
The Unfortunate Gwatkin36v64Evening Of Swing (Has Been Cancelled)466
Running Order Squabble Fest34v66All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit463
Turned Up Clocked On Laid Off49v51A Country Practice454
Westward Ho! – Massive Letdown49v51Fix It So She Dreams Of Me464
Asparagus Next Left56v44Thy Damnation Slumbereth Not477
Outbreak Of Vitas Gerulaitis54v46Restless Legs505
Twenty Four Hour Garage People66v34Depressed Beyond Tablets515
For What Is Chatteris…52v48The Bastard Son Of Dean Friedman532
Rock And Roll Is Full Of Bad Wools62v38Descent Of The Stiperstones497
Them’s The Vagaries47v53Bob Wilson – Anchorman530

The draw changed in real-time online, as we linked the songs to teams playing in the Europa League, and Counterblast to Agnosticism brought it to the world on a spreadsheet, describing it as “a whole new angle to otherwise fairly mundane Thursday night football”. We got a couple of clues as to the songs which would go on to do well, and a couple of pre-tournament picks which would struggle. “Some tasty fixtures here”, observed Half Man Half Bike. “I just can’t watch!” said Loop.

Discussion on the VotingDiscussion on the Results

The “Baguette Dilemma” Round

1The Light at the End of the TunnelCammell Laird Social Club (2002)203016219731283.9%
2Joy Division Oven GlovesAchtung Bono (2005)203715487941079.1%
3National Shite DayCSI: Ambleside (2008)207315747242778.7%
4Evening Of Swing (Has Been Cancelled)CSI: Ambleside (2008)207415536245977.2%
5All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away KitBack In The DHSS (1985)2057145413347075.6%
6Everything’s AORMcIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt (1991)2065145114247275.5%
7Twenty Four Hour Garage PeopleTrouble Over Bridgwater (2000)2092149511048775.4%
8Them’s The VagariesCammell Laird Social Club (2002)2174154212850475.4%
9Rock And Roll Is Full Of Bad Wools90 Bisodol (Crimond) (2011)208314987650974.6%
10We Built This Village On A Trad. Arr. TuneAchtung Bono (2005)2118148411551974.1%
11Bob Wilson – AnchormanEditor’s Recommendation (2001)207414488853872.9%
12The Trumpton RiotsBack In The DHSS (1985)2145145713655272.5%
13Asparagus Next LeftAchtung Bono (2005)1968132912951072.3%
14When The Evening Sun Goes DownCammell Laird Social Club (2002)2075138914254471.9%
15Descent Of The Stiperstones90 Bisodol (Crimond) (2011)2112140413157770.9%
16The Bastard Son Of Dean FriedmanBack Again in the DHSS (1987)2128137615859469.8%
17Running Order Squabble FestThis Leaden Pall (1993)2122136414561369.0%
18For What Is Chatteris…Achtung Bono (2005)210213966464268.5%
19The Unfortunate GwatkinUrge For Offal (2014)2104133614662268.2%
20Outbreak Of Vitas GerulaitisMcIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt (1991)2046131610762367.9%
21A Country PracticeFour Lads Who Shook The Wirral (1998)2050128215461467.6%
22Tending The Wrong Grave For 23 YearsSaucy Haulage Ballads (2003)2134132914765866.9%
23Depressed Beyond TabletsAchtung Bono (2005)2176134314568866.1%
24Turned Up Clocked On Laid OffThis Leaden Pall (1993)2100128315666166.0%
25Restless LegsAchtung Bono (2005)2131130514268465.6%
26Irk The PuristsTrouble Over Bridgwater (2000)2173131814970665.1%
27Fix It So She Dreams Of Me90 Bisodol (Crimond) (2011)2095125117067465.0%
28Lord Hereford’s KnobCSI: Ambleside (2008)2130129612471064.6%
29Westward Ho! – Massive LetdownUrge For Offal (2014)2136128514270964.4%
30Dead Men Don’t Need Season TicketsVoyage To The Bottom Of The Road (1997)2075124114868664.4%
31Adam Boyle Has Cast Lad Rock AsideUrge For Offal (2014)2068123214669064.1%
32Thy Damnation Slumbereth NotCammell Laird Social Club (2002)2140127215371564.0%
3327 Yards Of Dental FlossCammell Laird Social Club (2002)2076120818868064.0%
34Fuckin’ ‘Ell It’s Fred TitmusBack In The DHSS (1985)2162128115173063.7%
35Paintball’s Coming HomeVoyage To The Bottom Of The Road (1997)2028120713268963.7%
36Bad Losers On Yahoo ChessCSI: Ambleside (2008)2124126912972663.6%
37Surging out of ConvalescenceAchtung Bono (2005)2013119013968463.5%
38A Lilac Harry QuinnMcIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt (1991)2117124414772663.1%
39Monmore, Hare’s RunningVoyage To The Bottom Of The Road (1997)2105119819771062.8%
40Hedley VerityesqueMcIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt (1991)2036118814270662.7%
41Joy In Leeuwarden (We Are Ready)90 Bisodol (Crimond) (2011)2099118718872462.1%
42Dickie Davies EyesBack Again in the DHSS (1987)2071118315972961.9%
43Time Flies By (When You’re A Driver Of A Train)Back In The DHSS (1985)2095118816274561.5%
44Look Dad No TunesTrouble Over Bridgwater (2000)2112119217274861.4%
45Eno CollaborationVoyage To The Bottom Of The Road (1997)2058114719072161.4%
46Old Age Killed My Teenage BrideUrge For Offal (2014)2170124913578661.4%
47Tommy Walsh’s Eco House90 Bisodol (Crimond) (2011)2022115812474061.0%
48San Antonio Foam PartyCammell Laird Social Club (2002)2070114816775560.3%
4999% Of Gargoyles Look Like Bob ToddBack In The DHSS (1985)2155119716679260.2%
50Paradise Lost (You’re The Reason Why)Cammell Laird Social Club (2002)2119119712679660.1%
51Little In The Way Of SunshineCSI: Ambleside (2008)2098117313878759.8%
52If I Had Possession Over Pancake DayCammell Laird Social Club (2002)2049113813577659.5%
53Took Problem Chimp To Ideal Home ShowCSI: Ambleside (2008)2049114111379558.9%
54She’s In BroadstairsCammell Laird Social Club (2002)2142116415682258.6%
55I Was A Teenage Armchair Honved FanBack Again in the DHSS (1987)2127113815983057.8%
56Left Lyrics In The Practice Room90 Bisodol (Crimond) (2011)2181117514785957.8%
57Urge For OffalUrge For Offal (2014)2036107516879357.5%
58Bottleneck At Capel CurigTrouble Over Bridgwater (2000)2063107915782756.6%
59Totnes Bickering FairCSI: Ambleside (2008)2187114615288956.3%
60Floreat InertiaThis Leaden Pall (1993)195299218377756.1%
61Bad ReviewVoyage To The Bottom Of The Road (1997)2083105619683156.0%
624AD3DCDThis Leaden Pall (1993)2044104217882455.8%
63Four Skinny Indie KidsFour Lads Who Shook The Wirral (1998)2119110513587955.7%
64The Referee’s AlphabetCammell Laird Social Club (2002)2008104013783155.6%
65The Best Things In LifeBack Again in the DHSS (1987)2150108619387155.5%
66L’Enfer C’Est Les Autres90 Bisodol (Crimond) (2011)2103104720685055.2%
67The Bane Of ConstanceUrge For Offal (2014)2090105916786455.1%
68Friday Night And The Gates Are LowSome Call It Godcore (1995)2128107916188854.9%
69Upon Westminster BridgeAchtung Bono (2005)2106105318387054.8%
70Uffington WassailTrouble Over Bridgwater (2000)2034102116984454.7%
71Gubba Look-a-LikesTrouble Over Bridgwater (2000)2105104019487154.4%
72Keeping Two Chevrons ApartFour Lads Who Shook The Wirral (1998)2061102517386354.3%
73Improv Workshop Mimeshow GobshiteThis Leaden Pall (1993)2084104615188754.1%
74God Gave Us LifeBack In The DHSS (1985)2069103814888354.0%
75Blood On The QuadSaucy Haulage Ballads (2003)199998015486553.1%
76Shit Arm, Bad TattooAchtung Bono (2005)201198315287652.9%
77Even Men With Steel HeartsSome Call It Godcore (1995)2088101216790952.7%
78C.A.M.R.A. ManVoyage To The Bottom Of The Road (1997)203897019587352.6%
79Give Us BubblewrapCSI: Ambleside (2008)2093101116991352.5%
80My Outstretched ArmsUrge For Offal (2014)209799320589952.5%
81Used To Be In Evil GazeboTrouble Over Bridgwater (2000)204297717988652.4%
82Something’s Rotten In The Back of Iceland90 Bisodol (Crimond) (2011)2091100417691152.4%
83Petty SessionsCSI: Ambleside (2008)2079101014492552.2%
84Baguette Dilemma For The Booker Prize GuyUrge For Offal (2014)208998419690952.0%
85It Makes The Room Look BiggerSaucy Haulage Ballads (2003)2185102719296651.5%
86Breaking NewsCammell Laird Social Club (2002)2123100516595351.3%
87Secret GigFour Lads Who Shook The Wirral (1998)211797621592651.3%
88RSVP90 Bisodol (Crimond) (2011)201695116190451.3%
89P.R.S. Yearbook – Quick, The DrawbridgeVoyage To The Bottom Of The Road (1997)214197423793051.2%
90Excavating Rita90 Bisodol (Crimond) (2011)2201101521197551.0%
91Vatican BroadsideEditor’s Recommendation (2001)203897512493950.9%
921966 And All ThatBack In The DHSS (1985)215399718996750.8%
93You’re HardFour Lads Who Shook The Wirral (1998)201794714692450.6%
94Prag Vec At The MelkwegMcIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt (1991)206794819192850.5%
95The Coroner’s Footnote90 Bisodol (Crimond) (2011)208697315995450.5%
96It’s Cliched To Be Cynical At ChristmasTrouble Over Bridgwater (2000)21911024162100550.5%
97Mathematically SafeTrouble Over Bridgwater (2000)212098017796350.4%
98Yipps (My Baby Got The)McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt (1991)206194518792950.4%
99FootprintsThis Leaden Pall (1993)202792818491550.4%
100Tour Jacket With Detachable SleevesSome Call It Godcore (1995)209796318495050.3%
101Corgi Registered FriendsAchtung Bono (2005)206896015495450.2%
102Mate Of The BlokeAchtung Bono (2005)209797015797050.0%
103With Goth On Our SideTrouble Over Bridgwater (2000)212896020396549.9%
104This Leaden PallThis Leaden Pall (1993)212593722196749.2%
105Letters SentAchtung Bono (2005)2177967203100749.0%
106Albert Hammond BootlegBack In The DHSS (1985)203890319394248.9%
107Stuck Up A HornbeamUrge For Offal (2014)200289117693548.8%
108Fun Day in the Park90 Bisodol (Crimond) (2011)205191018196048.7%
109I Went To A Wedding…Saucy Haulage Ballads (2003)206190018797448.0%
110Ode To JoyceCSI: Ambleside (2008)207691317399048.0%
111Whit Week MalarkeyThis Leaden Pall (1993)208888823696447.9%
112Mileage ChartUrge For Offal (2014)2174964163104747.9%
113Bogus OfficialAchtung Bono (2005)203988017998047.3%
114King Of Hi-VisCSI: Ambleside (2008)202686917398446.9%
115This One’s For NowUrge For Offal (2014)203987018098946.8%
116Turn A Blind EyeFour Lads Who Shook The Wirral (1998)2237925245106746.4%
117Rod Hull Is Alive – Why?Back Again in the DHSS (1987)202785418399046.3%
118Deep House Victims’ Minibus AppealVoyage To The Bottom Of The Road (1997)2091873205101346.3%
119A Shropshire LadVoyage To The Bottom Of The Road (1997)2092870210101246.2%
120SealclubbingBack In The DHSS (1985)2086859205102245.7%
121I Left My Heart In Papworth GeneralBack In The DHSS (1985)201382120998345.5%
122Fear My WraithSome Call It Godcore (1995)204683022199545.5%
123Architecture And Morality Ted And AliceBack In The DHSS (1985)2110884158106845.3%
124Twydale’s LamentAchtung Bono (2005)199279922596845.2%
125Reflections In A FlatBack In The DHSS (1985)202680523298944.9%
126Blue Badge AbuserCSI: Ambleside (2008)2041845155104144.8%
127Our TuneMcIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt (1991)2067838189104044.6%
128The Len Ganley StanceBack In The DHSS (1985)2156869208107944.6%
129Tonight Matthew I’m Going To Be With JesusVoyage To The Bottom Of The Road (1997)2026817190101944.5%
130Tyrolean KnockaboutCammell Laird Social Club (2002)2160852205110343.6%
131Sponsoring The MoshpitsSome Call It Godcore (1995)2127836187110443.1%
132He Who Would Valium TakeVoyage To The Bottom Of The Road (1997)2118826201109143.1%
133Whiteness Thy Name Is MeltonianThis Leaden Pall (1993)2093778282103343.0%
134Reasons To Be Miserable (Part 10)Back Again in the DHSS (1987)2140840181111942.9%
135I Hate Nerys Hughes (From The Heart)Back In The DHSS (1985)2082805193108442.6%
136Third Track Main Camera Four MinutesTrouble Over Bridgwater (2000)2102795232107542.5%
137Emerging From GorseTrouble Over Bridgwater (2000)1979758193102842.4%
138Let’s NotMcIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt (1991)2043752245104641.8%
139See That My Bike’s Kept CleanVoyage To The Bottom Of The Road (1997)2056761204109141.1%
140M-6-sterThis Leaden Pall (1993)2124777233111441.1%
141Quality JanitorThis Leaden Pall (1993)1977713234103040.9%
142Ballad Of Climie FisherTrouble Over Bridgwater (2000)2007722200108540.0%
143Soft VergesFour Lads Who Shook The Wirral (1998)1968706200106239.9%
144On the ‘RoidsCSI: Ambleside (2008)2014723200109139.9%
145Ordinary to EnschedeB-Side (1990)2246764264121838.5%
146Venus In FlaresBack In The DHSS (1985)2019681230110838.1%
147Sensitive OutsiderSome Call It Godcore (1995)1990678208110438.0%
148Girlfriend’s Finished With HimMcIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt (1991)2152721256117538.0%
149On Passing Lilac UrineEditor’s Recommendation (2001)2036687224112537.9%
150I Love You Because (You Look Like Jim Reeves)Back In The DHSS (1985)2058691220114737.6%
151Lark DescendingEditor’s Recommendation (2001)2149715235119937.4%
152Jarg ArmaniSaucy Haulage Ballads (2003)2158722224121237.3%
153Ready Steady GoaFour Lads Who Shook The Wirral (1998)2019648271110037.1%
154ITMAVoyage To The Bottom Of The Road (1997)2106692234118037.0%
155Lock Up Your Mountain BikesLook Dad No Tunes (1999)2108692227118936.8%
156Numanoid Hang-glideThis Leaden Pall (1993)2064674225116536.7%
157New York SkiffleEditor’s Recommendation (2001)2030635248114735.6%
158D’Ye Ken Ted Moult?Back Again in the DHSS (1987)1916607202110735.4%
159Children of Apocalyptic TechstepFour Lads Who Shook The Wirral (1998)2072646246118035.4%
160Styx Gig (Seen By My Mates Coming Out Of A)Some Call It Godcore (1995)2044640233117135.3%
161Song Of Encouragement for the Orme AscentVoyage To The Bottom Of The Road (1997)2042629260115335.3%
162Mars Ultras, You’ll Never Make The StationPeel Session (1992)2156658269122934.9%
163Fretwork HomeworkSome Call It Godcore (1995)2105654221123034.7%
164Arthur’s FarmBack Again in the DHSS (1987)2099644238121734.6%
165Christian Rock ConcertMcIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt (1991)2104637238122934.1%
166Moody ChopsFour Lads Who Shook The Wirral (1998)2068633200123533.9%
167Malayan JelutongThis Leaden Pall (1993)2044596268118033.6%
168False GritUrge For Offal (2014)2099628224124733.5%
169On Finding The Studio BanjoSaucy Haulage Ballads (2003)2102630212126033.3%
170Split Single With Happy Lounge LabelmatesFour Lads Who Shook The Wirral (1998)2093606260122733.1%
171Nove On The SlyTrouble Over Bridgwater (2000)2130612264125432.8%
172On Reaching The WensumFour Lads Who Shook The Wirral (1998)1998548211123930.7%
173DoreenThis Leaden Pall (1993)2023531236125629.7%
174EpiphanyPeel Session (2004)2024520266123829.6%
175FaithliftSome Call It Godcore (1995)2100538262130029.3%
176Worried Man BluesEditor’s Recommendation (2001)2028513227128828.5%
177Hair Like Brian May BluesEno Collaboration (1996)2085503283129927.9%
178£24.99 From ArgosSome Call It Godcore (1995)2089521211135727.7%
179Mr Cave’s a Window Cleaner NowPeel Session (1995)2010478252128027.2%
180MultitudeFour Lads Who Shook The Wirral (1998)2040482233132526.7%
181Theme Tune For Something Or OtherUrge For Offal (2014)2083489222137226.3%
182Busy Little Market TownBack In The DHSS (1985)1978450214131425.5%
183I, TrogSome Call It Godcore (1995)2090461231139824.8%
184Get KramerEno Collaboration (1996)2111445286138024.4%
185Song For EuropeSome Call It Godcore (1995)2098424277139723.3%
186Carry On CrematingACD (1988)1998397262133922.9%
18713 Eurogoths Floating In The Dead SeaThis Leaden Pall (1993)2071418221143222.6%
188David Wainwright’s FeetCompilation (2006)2081400310137122.6%
189Ecclesiastical PerksLook Dad No Tunes (1999)1998347264138720.0%
190Stavanger ToestubCammell Laird Social Club (2002)2079362236148119.6%
191Slight RepriseTrouble Over Bridgwater (2000)2079182264163310.0%
192Visitor For Mr. EdmondsTrouble Over Bridgwater (2000)207713726116797.5%

All done in a series of head-to-head matches – just under 200,000 in all, with well over 1,000 people chipping in to make the thing work. There was some significant voting against a few songs (one in particular), but not enough to prevent them from progressing. Eventual finalist TLATEOTT steamrollered the rest of the songbook, with a huge margin of victory. Further down the table, heartbreak for 27 Yards Of Dental Floss, the thickness of some, er, dental floss from progressing. The results proved to be a good predictor of the knockout rounds, but there were a few surprises to come too.

Discussion on the Voting in this roundDiscussion on the Results

Discuss the tournament here