Oblong of Dreams
is our winner!

The Final

Two first-time finalists, but they couldn’t have been more different. Perennial contender Everything’s AOR from 1991, against Oblong of Dreams, the closing song from the band’s most recent album, in its first tournament. Both are massive gig favourites. “A song I have loved and listened to without losing the joy of it since my early 20s”, wrote Audrey S Euphemisms, “or a song that I have loved for the last 18 months of my mid-50s and listened to and sung along with many many times in that short period of time?” Cream Cheese & Chives added: “The genius of (Neil’s) rumbling opening (to AOR) is obvious, but live it sounds even better.” And yet: “(Oblong) celebrates the normal, the local and the mundane and their brilliance. I have some knowledge of the Wirral but this song is about everyone’s everywhere.” Sid perhaps summarised many people’s thoughts when he wrote: “Really, though, these are both great songs and I don’t think there will be any tears no matter who wins.”

In the end, it was a win for the new kid on the block by one of the narrowest margins of the whole tournament. Both songs can hold their heads up high, and let’s hope both get many, many more live runouts. Discuss the final and the whole tournament here.

The 4 Skinny Indie Kids Round

Two comfortable results had our in-house analyst Two Fat Feet and in-house bookie Lux Inferior both nodding sagely. Still, the choices had been tough. Chris Perry wrote: “I am not sure I have the strength in my fingers to vote. I’ve got incredibly nervous at having to choose now. They’ve gone to jelly, like Roger Osborne’s legs after scoring in the FA Cup final for Ipswich Town.” The choice of determining the draw using the results from British Crown Green Bowling Association’s World Club Championship was the talk of the terraces. Discussion here.

The 8 Christening Invites Round

Out went our reigning champion and two-time finalist, The Light at the End of the Tunnel, as this tournament continued to pay no respect to history. We also had one of the closest match results ever, one which could have gone either way up to the last day of voting. “Match four a tough one for me”, wrote Johnny Kwango, “but getting goosebumps up both arms as the first clouds parted tipped me over to OOD. Didn’t really need to listen to all eight songs again, but why not, eh?” Discussion here.

The 16 Camps Of Hope Round

Some big wins and some mighty fallers. Most eyes, of course, were on matches 5 and 8, two massive matchups which would inevitably see two mighty casualties, and it was goodbye to 2011 finalist For What Is Chatteris, and 2015 winner and 2019 finalist National Shite Day. Dick Quax’ Running Shoes wrote: “I can’t believe ‘National Shite Day’ is gone. It’s not my very favourite song, but I just expect it to be there, like atmospheric pressure. One thing this tournament shows me is that, in a lot of instances, I think I’m a neutral, objective observer — until something upends my expectations and it’s revealed that I’m emotionally invested after all. I bet a lot of us are like that.” Both our analyst and bookie were concerned about their tip Oblong of Dreams. “Despite the outright odds predicting 7 of 8 winners”, wrote Lux Inferior, “I’ve been left a little flummoxed by a couple of the results. I said on here the other day that I couldn’t envisage any scenario where NSD didn’t comfortably see off JDOG. Still struggling to get my head around that one. And I was expecting Oblong to wallop Chatteris by a far greater margin, so I’m now far from convinced it’s the odds-on tournament shoo-in that I’ve always had it down as.” Two Fat Feet shared the sentiment: “Oblong is still the favourite on my revised 95% accurate ratings, but it’s much closer than it was.” Discussion here.

The Page 32 It’s A Bad Review Round

A one-off seeding element meant that the result of most matches in this round was fairly convincing, although Bad Wools only beat Bottleneck by a slim margin. Restless Legs and Wrong Grave also only had fairly narrow victories. 2019 semi-finalist Garage People was a notable casualty, as was 2019 quarter-finalist Them’s The Vagaries. In terms of ‘eras’, from the 1985–1993 era, 3 out of 8 got through; from 1995–2000 a disappointing 0 out of 6; from the mighty 2001–2008 an impressive 10 out of 12; and from 2011–2022, 3 out of 6. It was nice to see 10 different albums/EPs represented in the last 16. Just Another Lackey expressed a common sentiment when he wrote: “Terminus out already? Really? I always thought of this as a place of sanctuary among like-minded folk. Tough draw though, would have been a different result on another day.” JD O’Gloves added: “I can’t believe Terminus has an early exit again! Will maybe do better in 2027 when it’s considered a ‘classic’.” Discussion here.

The Baguette Dilemma Round

Our group stage: for four weeks to 11 June 2023, anyone could vote on any number of random ‘Song A vs Song B’ matchups, so that we could eventually order the songs based on the percentage of matchups that they won. Hundreds of people took part, voting from over 2000 different IP addresses and generating 484,618 matches. During the first evening of voting, the votes were coming in at 7 votes per second! There were 24,090 possible matchups between 220 songs; all of them came up at least 5 times. One further rule was to guarantee that at least six songs would qualify for the final 32 from each of these ‘eras’ in the band’s history: 1985–1993, 1995–2000, 2001–2008, and 2011–2022 – those 24 songs would be joined by the 8 highest ranked songs not otherwise qualifying. In the end, this meant that the songs that ranked 28, 30 and 31 did not qualify, instead being replaced by the songs ranked 37, 39 and 50. Discussion here.

If you’ve pored over the whole tournament, you’ll have realised that the Baguette Dilemma Round, which might be considered a pure way of selecting a winner from a large field of candidates and voters, was not reflected that faithfully in the knockout stages. Our eventual finalists were only 7th and 9th, for example. Why the two methods generated differing results is a matter for conjecture, but several people noted that in such a quickfire format as the Baguette Dilemma Round, it’s sometimes hard for people to match a song title to its lyrics. As Irish Niall wrote: “Songs where the hook isn’t immediate from the title may hobble songs like Multitude and Malayan Jelutong.”

Overall, the Baguette Dilemma Round really did remind us of the sheer quality of the band’s songbook. Transit Full of Keith said: “If nothing else, this is a chance to reflect that the unforgettable lyric ‘the high-pitched lamentations of an unbalanced Lincoln woman, who nurses injured buzzards back to health inside her dead child’s wardrobe’ appears in their 213th-rated song – eighth from the bottom. Absolute unique quality, running from top to bottom of the list, like letters through a stick of rock.”

Discussion here.