Qualifying Group 10 in The Lux Familiar Cup – in which readers of The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project choose their favourite songs of all time. Voting on this album closed on Sat 16 April 2011, and the results from this qualifying group are below. A record-breaking hard-jackin’ sound-scaping 976 votes were cast; there was a clear winner, but yet another tight battle for second place and automatic qualification to the Round of 32. The third- and possibly fourth-placed songs should probably not pack their bags and head off to San Antonio yet though.
Qualified for last 32
1. For What Is Chatteris… (16.0%)
2. We Built This Village On A Trad. Arr. Tune (12.0%)
In the race for the fastest losers:
3. Joy Division Oven Gloves (11.3%)
4. Surging out of Convalescence (9.1%)
5. Restless Legs (8.5%)
The voting is over for this giant of an album, but there may be more to be said.
Chris The Siteowner
From my point of view, the hardest one yet (and my favourite album, it has to be said). Hardly a moment which is anything less than brilliant. Whatever the outcome, it’s going to be disappointing.
1 April 2011
TWO FAT FEET
Easy one this. Chatteris, Restless Legs and Trad Arr Tune. Been disappointed with the two most recent albums, although that may just be that they suffer by comparison to the previous two. JDOG? Overrated, sorry guys.
1 April 2011
Matt
Surging Out Of Convalescence should win this hands down. “Darts in soap operas, oh so wrong” and “Is your child hyperactive or is he perhaps a twat?” are some of Nigel’s best lines ever.
2 April 2011
toffo
Stick this in your Volvo glove compartment!
2 April 2011
Third Rate Les
This one was my re-introduction to HMHB since having a scratchy tape of DHSS in 1988, so is my favourite one. Maybe the Tattoo song and CORGI don’t quite get into the Champions League positions, but so many moments of brilliance throughout.
Also, when I bought it I ran the London to Brighton road race a week later, and I had the “keeper you just made a decent save” lines ringing through my mind for much of the way, so every time I hear it I still picture Ditchling Beacon and feel sick. Odd, that.
Matt is again spot on with Surging Out Of Convalescene, and I want Restless Legs played at my funeral.
2 April 2011
nickinko
This is really painful – I even love the ‘little’ songs like Bogus Official and Letters Sent. Ah dear, the agony of choice. Went for Chatteris and Depressed in the end, with Tattoo as a third choice.
2 April 2011
mickythehoss
Asparagus Next Left is one of the all time great songs, Simply brilliant lyrics and excellent music, “Last stop for banging baskets….They’re even giving you clues”
The album is stunning, a masterpiece, I love it
2 April 2011
grim
It’s funny, the lines Matt cites seem to me among the weakest in the Biscuit ouevre. I’ve never found the ‘darts in soap operas’ verse very convincing, although I don’t watch soaps so I’m not sure how widespread the problem really is. “Is your child perhaps a twat” never strikes me as anything other than mean-spiritedness: I think the ire might be more aptly directed at the parents, if they are truly so keen to mislabel the misbehaviour of their offspring.
Most annoying – especially since the subsequent Horse and Hound / data retrieval system bit is among my favourites on an album that is, as has been said, fit to burst with brilliance.
2 April 2011
EzekialpunchedDanBrown
Asparagus Next Left reinspired my love of HMHB not that long ago, really. “We all knew someone at primary school who had a very powerful magnet”
Chatteris – a shoo in
Convalescence but not for the lines cited above – my favourite is “and if I get to heavens gate, I’ll doubtless have to wait, while St Peter investigates, the inevitable asterisk.”
I love the whole album and have listened to it ad nauseum but I suppose I have to show some backbone.
Or maybe I don’t…
3 April 2011
Bobby String
If ever an album title was in dire need of an exclamation mark, it surely had to be Achtung Bono!
Ô¿Ô
3 April 2011
Steve Nicholls
The “Hey Blakey, does your bus go by the dark satanic mills” is proof that HMHB deserve some kind of Brodies Notes accompaniment.
So, Depressed Beyond Tablets is in.
As is:
Upon Westminster Bridge (for “I’ve only got three bullets and there’s four of Motley Crue)
Restless Legs
Chatteris
Shit Arm
Surging Out of Convalescence (“the inevitable asterisk”)
Asparagus
Letters Sent
Bogus Official
Trad Arr Tune
So that’s 10 voted for. A new pb for me. And I felt bad leaving the others out
3 April 2011
Poolio
I was tempted to either abstain or tick the lot – but instead went for Chatteris, my pers fave HMHB song, makes up for the 6 and 7 of the previous rounds… Love the contrary standpoints in here… each to his own and all that…
3 April 2011
Gareth in Canada
Difficult choice – got to agree with Mr Nicholls and go for DBT GBP and the classic Blakey line. Yes, I’ll be happy, when that wins
4 April 2011
RobJ
Nary a mention for “…and they’d use No Need for Nails”?. That’s one of my all time favourite lines!
Chose six, including Westminster Bridge and Mate of the Bloke which haven’t got much of alook in in the comments. Also Chatteris, Restless, DBT and Convalescence.
4 April 2011
Ben Woodcock
Hellish difficult as everyone has already stated. I decided to focus on as few as possible and still just had to go for 4. Chatteris is among my favorites ever. JDOG is a no-brainer for me. Also had to include Restless Legs for the Jake the Peg verse alone. Upon Westminster Bridge was not quite as stand-out as the above-mentioned 3 but was still worth a punt.
4 April 2011
MATLOCK BATH
For me, the sign of a great album is when you go through several phases with it, having different favourite tracks. I was obsessed with “Shit Arm, Bad Tattoo” for a long time – once breaking out into fits of laughter while walking alone down the street thinking about it. But Chatteris and Trad Arr Tune are the two I’ve played the most. I never tire of hearing “It was a cricketing farce with a thickening plot / Act 1, Scene, Brenda Blethyn gets shot” or “Some Bloomsbury peripheral said I had the best line”. But “What Is Chatteris?” edges it. “Like a game bird reserve short on pheasants / Some weavers’ cottages devoid of tenants …” is one of the great obscure pop rhymes of our times and it’s just a nice song. And I’ve never even been to Ely, St.Ives or Chatteris.
Third Rate Les – two comments addressed to you…
1. Achtung Bono was also my return to the HMHB fold decades on from worn out tapes of Back in the DHSS – snap! And I also have a great affection for the album (though rate Cammell Laird Social Club as their best).
2. I like your funeral request, but I’m still going for Tending The Wrong Grave for 23 years (or The Smiths’ “I Know It’s Over”, though that it is that rare thing, a genuinely depressing Smiths song). Something to make anyone bothering to tend my grave – fairly pointless act though it is – smile. Would love it to be tended by the wrong person for even a few months, though my real name isn’t Edward McCrea.
4 April 2011
Third Rate Les
I suppose the “which song would you have at your funeral” is a whole other topic for discussion. I’d have Restless Legs for its wonderful daft simplicity, the “don’t go bothering the exorcist” ending, as well as because I’m an obsessive distance runner. In fact I did once wake up thinking of going for a run and rolled over to see that it was indeed 4:06 and I was indeed wide awake.
As for “I know it’s over”, I’d at least have to wait until my mum was safely out of the way before requesting that one as that might be a bit much.
Asparagus Next Left is one I took several years to like – maybe since I first saw the words here. And why are tractors turning, indeed. It also actually does make me slightly unsettled when I see these signs on my rare forays to the country.
I suppose in the comments here I’m mildly surprised about the popularity of What Is Chatteris, which strikes me as a bit lacking in weird non-sequiturs, irrational anger, or TV references compared to the best.
4 April 2011
Mac
Well I thought this was going to be tricky. So I was ruthless.
Chatteris and Surging.
4 April 2011
Chris The Siteowner
One of the most interesting things about the discussion of the magnificent Surging Out Of Convalescence is the way everyone seems to have different favourite lines. I worry we might be about to lose the song though, and with it my second-favourite line from the album (“…the inevitable asterisk”).
And as for For What Is Chatteris, surely “a market town that lacks quintessence/that’s Chatteris without your presence” is one of NB57’s finest moments ever? I hope we’ll have the chance to say more on this, however, later in the tournament.
4 April 2011
TWO FAT FEET
Chatteris is, like my other choices on this one Restless Legs and Trad Arr Tune, an example of a song working as much through its musical structuring as for the actual lyrical content. All three of those could have been quite mundane lyrically and still been enjoyable to listen to. By comparison, I find the first half of Surging much more enjoyable to read than to listen to – it sounds like Nigel had some great ideas but just couldn’t find a tune to carry them.
4 April 2011
smithsocksimon
Best LP containing my two fave HMHB songs: Chatteris and Asparagus.
5 April 2011
aiwacat
In the end, I couldn’t restrict myself to a sensible number of votes by considering the relative merits of each song. So I restricted myself to three, chosen by looking up which were the most-played tracks on my iPod. I therefore cast my lot in support of Twydale’s Lament and Letters Sent, alongside Trad Arr Tune.
5 April 2011
Jon
Such a tough choice. Possibly my favourite album, consistently excellent. Trad Arr. Tune is my favourite off the album and would easily make an all-time top 10. Upon Westminster Bridge also received a vote – sadly looking like it’s heading for an early exit! Surprised that Chatteris is looking like being the winner from this group, hadn’t realised it was such a favourite.
6 April 2011
Norbert D
DBT is tha bomb, as far as I’m concerned. One of the greatest songs ever written about depression (whether from personal experience or not is irrelevant, really). It’s full of extraordinarily vivid and evocative lines which capture the flat agony of depression perfectly (“the cloud base is low on the Clywydian hills”) and grimly humorous bits which keep the whole thing in perspective. Last time I had a bout, the sympathetic self-mockery of DBT was a more effective antidepressant than anything I ever got from a doc.
And I’d second the “data retrieval” bit from SOOC, one of the HMHB lines which made me explode with delighted, disbelieving laughter the first time I heard it. I thought I was the only one who REALLY used to read magazines cover to cover.
6 April 2011
Kingsbeef
Shocker! How can classic songs like Twydale’s Lament and Upon Westminster Bridge be so totally overlooked. I’m out of step with an out of step band so I must be an instep.
8 April 2011
Dave Cooper
We Built This Village, Chatteris and Surging, all classics.
Looking like a shock defeat for JDOG at this stage.
9 April 2011
Charles Exford
JDOG in the repêchage? Who’d have thunk? Anyway, I just thought I’d use the word repêchage. Twice in fact. Pardon my French.
But @ Grim & Two Fat Feet. I reckon that’s the point of the beginning of ‘Surging’. He’s poorly, he hasn’t got the energy for a proper rant.Maybe he’s even got ‘writer’s block’. All we get is a feeble moan to a halting feeble tune, but they are chords which will later surge out of convalescence into the full bloom of songwriting and form themselves into a belting tune and a belting masterpiece of a rant.
That’s just me though.
14 April 2011
Vendor of Quack Nostrums
Sometimes in life a choice is no choice at all. Hydrogen cyanide or carbon monoxide? DC10 or 747? The odious John Terry or the intellectually challenged Rio Ferdinand? Not so in this group of the Lux Familiar Cup. Choices cast here have condemned some songs of outstanding quality to join the likes of South Africa and Scotland as those perpetually ejected at the earliest possible opportunity.
Think, dear voter and reflect. For your choices have condemned lines such as;
So come the day when I don’t exist
And worms are flying through the graveyard mist
I wear a tolerance robe
I have the patience of Job
Advent in the High Street
I point and sing
‘Busk when it’s Christmas’
And if I get to Heaven’s gate
I’ll doubtless have to wait
While St Peter investigates the inevitable asterisk
Nick fucking Knowles
And with you by my side
I would aspire to ascend
Such heights where we’d find
Tears and laughter cease to matter
The sunshine and Jennifer
Seem such a distance
The universe is ruled
By chance and indifference
Sewage farm an absolute disgrace
Picnic table somewhat out of place
…to a future of complete and utter eternal nothingness. I hope that you are ready for the responsibility. I hope that you can live with your condemnations. Whatever would Mrs Sartre have made of your choices?
Yet above all our choices betray our innermost desires and here Biscuiteers choices seem to reflect an underlying conservatism (small ‘c’, small ‘c’. Hang onto the abuse for now). Although seen as I’m drifting off down that particular party political leafy lane, I might as well quote John Major. “Fifty years on from now, Britain will still be the country of long shadows on cricket grounds, warm beer, invincible green suburbs, dog lovers and pools fillers and, as George Orwell said, ‘Old maids bicycling to holy communion through the morning mist'”. Although he said that in 1993 so it should really start “Thirty two years on from now…”
Is it any coincidence then, I wonder, that surging out of this group are two songs that reflect the Currie-fiddling ex-Prime Minister’s stylised vision and celebrate the delights of the English rural village? Are the mosh hardened followers of HMHB hoping for a greater life to come? Do we prefer to travel by bus due to their dependability? Do we yearn for scout hut debates? Do we wish we had a shed to check? Do our hearts skip a beat when sighting a linnet? Do we desire to gossip about the clergy’s lack of sartorial elegance? Do we yearn for a first class cake shop? Is the first date that goes in our diary each year the twenty-seventh of June? Is our secret dream to renovate a Weavers’ cottage ready for a retirement spent running an Am-Dram society with the local Bloomsbury peripherals?
Never let it be said that a thing of beauty is not a joy forever. As Keats wrote about Achtung Bono, its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness.
16 April 2011