I’m not sure when the band last played in Blackburn, if ever. Honoured, I’m sure, to be a warm-up for “Postman Pat Live”, four days later. How was it for you?
I’m not sure when the band last played in Blackburn, if ever. Honoured, I’m sure, to be a warm-up for “Postman Pat Live”, four days later. How was it for you?
Geoff
They played C’est la vie in 89/90. We all had more hair then
24 May 2014
twistedkitemike
Before I retire for the day, the set-list for you: –
Fred T
Evening Sun
Bad Losers
Restless Legs
1966
Totnes
DPAK
Korfball
Bob Wilson
Squabble
Reflections
new song **
Dean F
Bad Wools
AOR
Fix It
Slipknot
Chatteris
JDOG
24 Hour
Bob Todd
Encores
Holiday in Cambodia
Light Tunnel
Trumpton
** Perhaps a Youtube Dad captured it?
Strange venue, but decent sound and good set-list.
Mike……………………………….
25 May 2014
jitsu_g
Brilliant gig. Good to see them do holiday in Cambodia again. Just had a chat with JD Meatyard coming out of weathrspoons in Darwen. Nice chap
25 May 2014
Nathan Richardson
My personal review:
http://nathanrichardson.wordpress.com/2014/05/25/half-man-half-biscuit-in-blackburn-lancashire/
25 May 2014
Mark Thompson
Broke my HMHB concert virginity last night at Blackburn,and i’m glad i waited for the right moment.Top stuff all round,glad to mingle with a late 40’s/early 50’s crowd.As i anticipated they did not let me down,nor did i expect them.Rousing and vibrant,just the antidote to the appalling weather that tried to rain on the parade.
Great banter between songs,as acidic as their lyrics.JD Meatyard’s support,crazy and infectious to the core,though he threw me at first,thought it was David Bellamy forgetting his geological past.
25 May 2014
Bobby SVARC
Geoff swears blind that John’s beard is a false one
25 May 2014
Dr Desperate
Another storming gig, in a bizarrely wide, low-ceilinged underground ballroom with a roundly ignored DJ playing Hits of the Seventies next to the bar. The crowd looked a bit sparse to start with, clustered a bit when the lads came on but never quite reached the critical mass necessary to create a truly satisfactory moshpit. The setlist was as above, with a few last-minute alterations from the hand-written version: ‘National Shite Day’ replaced by ‘Vatican Broadside’; ‘Village’ by ’24 Hour Garage People’; ‘Quality Janitor’ by ‘Reflections In A Flat’ following a call from the crowd (“Don’t let people tell you we’re a band who don’t play requests”). ‘You’re So Beige’ made another appearance, this time with much better acoustics, as did ‘Holiday in Cambodia’.
Nigel and Neil both found the lightshow less than excellent, leading to repeated requests to turn down their spots (“Put them on Karl, he’s the one with the most hair”)
‘Fred Titmus’ debuted at the Brussels Jazz Marathon in the late 80s. ‘Restless Legs’ was about Nigel, ‘1966’ about a stabbing victim meeting the attacker somewhere where the coffee was shit, ‘Joy In Leeuwarden’ about Korfball, apparently.
Celebrities spotted: none. Guitar leads replaced mid-set: one (Nigel’s). Guitar knobs fallen off: one (ditto).
Your golden Pringle Price was £2.71, but should have been £2.30 with a two-for-one offer – “Are you collecting the school vouchers?” The customer at front of the queue at the 24HG was named Lost Oliver (ironically, because he always knew where he was), ordering a Boost, among other things.
A query about chords led to the revelation (passed on by a doctor in Hoylake) that every toilet in the world flushes in E minor.
Ken was the first man in Wallasey to own a topograph.
Plenty of crowd banter, with a bloke who’d just had his hair cut (“Gone from a Number 1 and 1/2 to a Number 1, have you? Is it more manageable now?”), a girl with JDOGs (“How long do you pre-heat the oven for?” and one wearing a multi-coloured top (“Been jet-washing your wheelie bin again?”) Another girl on the front row went to Nigel’s school, which he announced he left in 1979, leading to some drunken age calculations in the pub post-gig.
Martin Roberts from ‘Homes Under The Hammer’ always looks as though he’s holding a piece of metal between his fingers, a phrase you can sing along to the theme tune while you’re enjoying your cup of tea and pile of toast every morning at 10 o’clock.
Japan are a top tip 200/1 each-way bet for the World Cup, with England standing a much better chance than their face-painting barbeque-arranging fans might suggest. Nigel once managed to convince a younger Tranmere fan that the chant went “Super White Barmcakes”. He’s got a job at DFS, but doesn’t get paid for the first five years.
On to Bilston!
25 May 2014
Bobby SVARC
Good Stuff Doc. great read. It’s a long time till Bilston
25 May 2014
Paul Sutcliffe
Great gig but had embarrassing moment. When I parked my car in the multi story it had a note stating it shut at 11pm, not to open again till Tuesday. My partner and I had got to the venue early to have something to eat, so after the food I went in to the reception to ask when the music would finish. The lady on the desk pointed me to a group of people standing around. I asked them if they knew when the music would finish, I was pleased when they seemed to know that it would finish at 10.45pm. I thanked them and went back to the restaurant area to get a drink.
Imaging my surprise when the next time I saw them they were on stage.
The last time I saw HMHB was in about 1992-3 at a gig under a flyover in London. Please forgive me HMHB, you are the best but I just listen to your music I don’t really follow reviews and go on websites where there are photos.
Will know better next time.
26 May 2014
Dr Desperate
Thanks, @Bobby.
Jitsu_G reckons the long gap till Bilston is to allow for the release of a new album – we’ll see. Thanks to him also, for procuring me a copy of Barmcakes, which is very nice (this review has been moderated).
26 May 2014
CARRIE anne
Wonderful gig, still chuckling about NB10 confessing he’s known as the Fresh Prince of No ‘Air.
@Dr Desperate, are you the king of high viz who left the magazine on the stage, then clambered over my shoulder to nab the set list? If so, nice to have kind of met you.
26 May 2014
Dr Desperate
Yep, that was me. Thanks for the shoulder, nice to have kind of met you too.
26 May 2014
Cardinal richelieu
This was my third gig but it was by far my favourite – maybe cos I can remember it all.
One question – there was a lassie at the front taking hundreds of pictures? Are these going to be publically available?
26 May 2014
Android, Eyes Rolling
@ Paul # 9
I was at a gig in Bristol in about 1995, only the second I’d been to (bizarre little venue too, there was a game of skittles going on in the other half of the hall) when I got to speaking to the guy at the merchandise stall, who mentioned there was a new album on the way. Oh good, I said politely, and went back to trying to choose a tee shirt. I might have spoken a bit longer if I’d known that 20 minutes later he was going to step up on stage and play lead guitar (sorry Ken).
28 May 2014
Simon smIth
Passing KGH today I saw the gig poster was still displayed and thought to ask if I could rescue it, obviously for a small donation to the upkeep of the building.
Half hour later a lass sauntered up, said “Of course you can have it. It cost us £28.50 so if you want to give us £25…”
I guess she’ll be touting it on eBay. I’m very naive.
28 May 2014
Dr Desperate
Hah! Jitsu_G asked the lady in the box office on the night and she said the band wanted to keep it as it’d cost them 90 quid. They’d also allegedly asked for all the smaller indoor posters to be collected up, which I assumed was for security reasons (social security reasons).
28 May 2014
Gordon ottershaw
I managed to acquire an Assembly fly poster from a lamp post about 100 yards from my my house. Let’s just say the creative budget on it wasn’t high.
28 May 2014
Bobby SVARC
I’ve got a Bilston 2013 poster which I managed to rescue along with a T’pau one which is now on my bedroom ceiling next to……er Bobby Svarc, I’ll sell the Biscuits one for £1.50 but Carol is not for sale
28 May 2014
NOT ROGER GREEN
ME AND TONY, BLACKBURN
King George’s Hall, Blackburn, Sat 24th May 2014 (25/05/14)
First of all there is some unfinished business from April’s gig in Holmfirth. HMHB had revisited Paintball’s Coming Home, which on this occasion included the line “Elbow, Coldplay, Snow Patrol” (four times). When we were on a train to Hull (calling at Selby and Brough, also at South Milford on the way back), I mentioned this to my mate Mark, who often acts as a research consultant for these reviews. He surprised me with his response: “Snow Patrol once supported HMHB, didn’t they?” Memory like a sieve, I didn’t have a clue. Surely not true? Mark keeps a written record of every gig he has ever attended, and later he checked his files and confirmed the details. It was Monday 20 March 2000 at The Duchess in Leeds. The Duchess was one of the finest venues there has ever been in Leeds. Nirvana and Oasis played there in their respective early days, and it was a regular stop-off for HMHB through the 1990s. But these things inevitably come to an end. A Monday in itself is an unusual night for HMHB to play, but it was part of the final week’s programme, which (again, subject to appalling memory) included Status Quo. The place is a Hugo Boss shop now. Yeah, great.
Onto the here and now. The train timetable suggested a bit of a trek, so I went for Option B and drove for the second gig on the trot. M62, M66 and M65. All delightful stuff in the Bank Holiday downpour. I met up with Tony at the designated hour at the “central” Premier Inn, and he very kindly drove us into town. It was a trawl round, looking for a car park, but we eventually found one near the Barbara Castle Health Centre. (I went to the same junior school as Barbara Castle, don’t you know. Not at the same time, I hasten to add.) Food outlets seemed equally difficult to locate, until The Chippery appeared before us. In we went, and found ourselves at the next table to Carl, Ken and Geoff. The pre-gig tension was, well, I’m sure it was there somewhere, if not particularly on the surface. Carl took a picture of me and Tony. Isn’t it supposed to be fans who take pictures of the band rather than the other way round? Or am I getting that wrong?
To the venue. To my mind, King George’s Hall should have an apostrophe. It appears on some of their documents, but not on others. Somebody, somewhere will have written to the local paper on the subject. It’s all very civilised there. Toilet attendants and all that. At the end of the night, one of them was worried about the likelihood of flooding, as the automatic flushing of one of the urinals was not switching off properly. You need to know about these things.
I believe they use the word “suite” to describe this kind of space at town halls. The sort of room where you can imagine the Mayor of Trumpton addressing the great and the good concerning the maintenance of the bandstand. The wide stage and the plentiful open space maybe explains the relatively sedate mosh pit. There was a retro disco in the next room. I noted The Jam’s A Bomb In Wardour Street and Prefab Sprout’s King Of Rock And Roll. And Karen won the Tshirt of the evening award with her Let Them Eat Bogshed number. I made a mental note to stick that disc on the turntable. Maybe when I’ve finished this…
JD Meatyard were supporting tonight. Stephen the guitarist was back in the fold, following his appearance with Sonnenberg at Holmfirth. But it was not the usual drummer. Transport problems from Holland? So a replacement was drafted in. It’s all loan deals these days, isn’t it? As usual, their set mainly featured songs from the excellent CD Northern Songs, but the equally excellent Lies Lies And Government was also in there. John the singer said he had planned to namecheck Nigel Blackwell in Standing On The Shoulders, “but he would have just laughed at me”. John also had to deal with a bizarre heckle. This guy went to the front with his hand in the air and said “Excuse me, I bought a ticket for a man who was funnier than you, and with a better beard.” I’m not quite sure what point he was trying to make, but he was escorted away soon enough. John, the old stalwart, soldiered on regardless, telling us how back in the day, he saw David Bowie in this very same room. And he was very pleased at the end of the set to hear that Atletico were beating Real in the Champions League final. However I can only guess how he felt about how the rest of the match went.
HMHB strolled on stage. Nigel came up to me with a CD in his hand. A free gift? Well, actually it was a recording of Magic Trumpet by Herb Alpert. Nigel had wanted this to be the “walk on” music, but the people in charge couldn’t play it. Couldn’t or wouldn’t? The usual caveat on these notes. It wasn’t always easy to hear what Nigel was saying from where I was standing. Early on there was something about hair cuts for example. Couldn’t pick up any details. Bad Losers was introduced as a true story (with a sly point in the direction of Neil). Someone shouted “Super White Army” (a Tranmere reference). Nigel replied that there was one word too many. They need to drop the “Super”. But he also mentioned a younger bloke who goes to the matches. They managed to persuade him that the chant was actually “Super White Barmcakes.” 1966 And All That was said to be about when stab victims get to meet the person who has stabbed them, and have coffee with them. But the coffee is shit. During this song, I noticed that he sang “green anorak”, whereas I’m sure that on the record the anorak is brown. Ken was the first man in Wallasey to own a toposcope. And there was talk of the guy from Homes Under The Hammer looking like he holds a magnet in his hands, meaning that they look like they are stuck together. Nigel spotted a bloke that he knew. “Still jet-washing wheely bins?” he asked. We were all made aware that toilets flush in E Minor. Someone shouted from the crowd that they had been to the same school as Nigel, starting in 1998. “1998? A sobering thought,” he replied.
One of the songs was about finding a picture of Lord Gordon (or was it Gorton?) in his underpants in your wardrobe. Someone will have to explain that one to me. After Bob Wilson Anchorman, Nigel said “Get well soon.” Nice touch. If I could write faster I could have noted more of the lyrics for the new song possibly called You’re So Beige. I was impressed enough with “Outrageous rumour is my sport”. There was a helpful shout from the crowd as Nigel took a swig. “Buy your water in twelve packs! It’s cheaper!” Another potential lyric from him: “He’s fat, he’s round, he thinks he’s Ezra Pound.” One punter had to leave early, presumably getting the bus or train home. He came to the front of the stage and shook hands with Nigel as he said Goodbye. I wonder if you get that kind of thing when Snow Patrol play? Fix It So She Thinks Of Me is based on Ibsen’s Hedda Gabler. A pair of Joy Division oven gloves were shown to Nigel. “Do you use them, though?” he asked. And there was a follow-up question. “How long do you need to pre-heat an oven for?” Nigel was constantly battling with amp problems. The lead didn’t seem to be plugging in properly. In Twenty-Four Hour Garage People, the crisps were sour cream and onion. “There’s no such flavour as sour cream and chives.” They were priced at a disgusting £2.71. “Are you collecting school vouchers?” is a question from the employee that I can’t remember being asked at other performances of this song. A minibus full of members of the Ramblers Association pulls up to join the queue. This includes Lost Oliver, the town eccentric. So eccentric that he would be the best card to have in a Top Trumps eccentrics set. When the employee starts to get annoyed, we were told “Down goes the Mine Craft” along with the headphones where you can hear Tygers Of Pang Tang. He has the kind of face that munched a thousand chips. And there is a song that can be heard: “Once upon a time I knew girls by their names. Now I know the weight of McCoys.”
When the band came back for the encore, we were given Nigel’s tip for the World Cup. It’s Japan each way at 200/1. I’m not sure what qualifies as each way. Getting to the final? Getting to the semi-final? That may need investigation. At the beginning of The Light At The End Of TheTunnel we nearly got the opening to Twenty Four Hour Garage People again. The King Of Hi Vis sneaked onto stage to grab a set list. Hopefully it read something like this.
Fuckin’ ‘Ell It’s Fred Titmus
When The Evening Sun Goes Down
Bad Losers On Yahoo Chess
Restless Legs
1966 And All That
Totnes Bickering Fair
All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit
Joy In Leeuwarden (We Are Ready)
Bob Wilson Anchorman
Running Order Squabble Fest
Reflections In A Flat
You’re So Beige
The Bastard Son Of Dean Friedman
Rock ‘N’ Roll Is Full Of Bad Wools
Everything’s AOR
Fix It So She Thinks Of Me
Vatican Broadside
For What Is Chatteris?
Joy Division Oven Gloves
Twenty-Four Hour Garage People
99% Of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd
And the encore was
Holidays In Cambodia
The Light At The End Of The Tunnel (Is The Light Of An Oncoming Train)
Trumpton Riots
That looks like it for the summer. Looks like we all meet again in Bilston. Unless I find a better band in the meantime. We’ll see.
29 May 2014
Dr Desperate
Excellent stuff as ever, Not Roger. I agree about the apostrophe.
I seem to recall (Uncle) John Meatyard singing the first verse of ‘Let’s Not’ (still on sale at the merch stall).
The 24HGP employee was particularly irate because he had to put down his Monsters of Rock dot-to-dot book, in which he’d almost completed Tygers of Pan Tang.
I expect the Lord Gordon found in his underpants was he of Gordon Riots fame rather than the ex-chairman of the Scottish Tourist Board, though to be honest I’d prefer Lord Gordon-Gordon, the 19th century fraud and impostor who committed suicide after throwing himself a deportation party in 1874.
29 May 2014