Another part of the country severely lacking in Biscuit references (Redcar isn’t remotely close), and a city which hasn’t seen an HMHB gig for over 8 years, for some reason. Even we poor neglected East Anglians have had visits in that time. Anyway, did the band make up for lost time? Over to you for the reviews.
Ben
I just got shafted !!!!! 52 quid for a tube of pringles, 2 scotch eggs and a jar of marmite – all because Nigel could not be arsed telling me how much they should cost !!!
Having said that – awesome gig – sound so much better than Durham in 2010 – thanks guys and please come back soon
16 November 2012
vendor of quack nostrums
Seeing Nigel do the international sign language for eating your tea, worth the admission price alone. Agreed Ben, sound brilliant, light show excellent. Honourable mention for Clive Dunn. Dishonourable mention for Dave Lee Travis.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Genius.
16 November 2012
Mark
Fantastic gig as usual. Heartfelt thanks to everyone who tolerated me and my 8 year old son in the way down the front. Boy currently asleep cuddling Neil’s setlist and pick – no you’re not coming to Holmfirth son…
16 November 2012
Peter
Hi Guys
Do you plan on coming to Australia anytime? Combine a nice holiday down under subsidised by a few gigs. We’re very nice here y’know.
16 November 2012
2 Chevrons
Clive Dunn, Dave Lee Travis, Helen Flanagan and Julian Worricker references. Agree with Vendor about the ISL for eating tea, cracked me up – as did Ken tripping up on his way back on for the encore.
Decent crowd in last night, including the 4 lasses in front of us, dancing all night as well as knowing all the words to Chatteris and having oven gloves.
No garage people last night, other than that no grumbles from me. Much better than in Durham last time up here – we could hear the band.
Hope the Academy in Newcastle is back on the fixture list before too long. A great night.
16 November 2012
Ben
Mark – your son looked as if he was having a great time – I got a fab smile from him toward then end when I was taking a breather at the barrier – glad you enjoyed and yes – keep us Toon dwellers on the fixture list from now on
16 November 2012
garciasfinger
Glad you all enjoyed it. Bastards. I was at home with a damaged leg and 2 unsold tickets, crying off and on throughout the evening.
As Gandhi might have said in a similar predicament, Bastards.
16 November 2012
Gregg Z
Ou est le setlist, les punters??
16 November 2012
Jim Wickham (Still in the Timor Sea)
Peter (letter sent #4) makes at least 3 (Peter, me, my mate Nilpf) people here in Oz who would give their right arm/grandmother/insert-something-of-immeasurable-value-here to witness/host/promote a HMHB* gig Down Under…..
If we got our mates to come along, how about it, guys?
We’ll buy the beer (OK it’s fizzy lager, but hey!)…..
(* Pedant query – should that be “an HMHB gig…”?)
16 November 2012
Mark
Thanks Ben, best night of his life apparently! There was talk of a gig in Stockton on Tees next June. Fingers crossed
16 November 2012
BigVern
First time seeing the wonderful HMHB – twas fookin’ great !!!
16 November 2012
Alex
3rd time seeing HMHB, was concerned about the bigger venue compared to the Liquid Room in Edinburgh but the sound was great. Delighted to hear Fix It So She Dreams Of Me, which is my favourite off the last album. Only minor disappointment for me was a (largely) non-updated Paintball’s Coming Home, had expected a whole new set of verses when they started playing it.
Setlist, as requested
The Light at the End Of The Tunnel
Fred Titmus
When The Evening Sun Goes Down
Lock Up Your Mountain Bikes
Joy In Leeuwarden
Asparagus Next Left
Bob Wilson, Anchorman
Totnes Bickering Fair
Look Dad No Tunes
Restless Legs
Excavating Rita
Running Order Squabble Fest
27 Yards of Dental Floss
All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit
National Shite Day
Fix It So She Dreams of Me
Paintball’s Coming Home
For What Is Chatteris
She’s In Broadstairs
Little In The Way Of Sunshine
Vatican Broadside
I Left My Heart in Papworth General
We Built This Village on a Trad Arr Tune
Rock and Roll Is Full of Bad Wools
Joy Division Oven Gloves
Encore
Help! (The Beatles (obv))
Everything’s AOR
99% of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd
16 November 2012
John Burscough
Fantastic gig, fantastic set. ‘Asparagus Next Left’ (sorry, Exxo) and ’27 Yards of Dental Floss’! ‘Bob Wilson’ and ‘Broadstairs’! Highlight for me, though, was Neil leaping offstage at the end and giving Mark’s son his copy of the setlist (not typed out).
I’d been hoping for ‘Fog On The Tyne’ as the cover, as Lindisfarne’s First Annual Farewell Christmas Gig at the City Hall in 1977 was the last time I’d been in Toon, but ‘Help’ did the job perfectly well. Ken was the first man in Wallasey to eat Monster Munch. The joke about him dreaming of eating a 10lb marshmallow and waking up to find his pillow was gone had as many audience members joining in as ‘Vatican Broadside’.
Cheers, Jitsu, and Ben who helped me track him down.
Incidentally, I found an iPod on the floor at the front halfway through the gig – not only jog-proof but mosh-proof (it fills me with joy to say). It’s still in working order, though slightly scratched, with 25,000+ songs on it. I didn’t trust any of the staff enough to hand it in there, but if the owner would like to leave a message here I’d be happy to post it back to him (perhaps Chris The Site-Owner could liaise with email addresses?). I now know quite a lot about his musical tastes, but giving his first name will be enough to identify him for security purposes.
16 November 2012
Vendor of Quack Nostrums
Some days go according to plan, some days don’t. This one didn’t. The idea was to weasel out of work at lunchtime, home for a spruce up, pre-gig warm up CD session, a few late afternoon pints before picking up the Vendoress from work, pub meal, taxi into the Toon and let the fun begin. A plan which was completely scuppered by a colleague phoning in sick with a mystery bug first thing in the morning. Curses – One day’s work in half a day is manageable, two days not so, so I was rushing out at five, frustrated, frazzled and in a fine fettle.
Still, managed to eat and sink a few pints before entering the venue. It didn’t particularly bother me that later in the evening there was no 24Hr Garage Person, ‘cos the band had thoughtfully arranged to move him and some of his mates to front of house at the O2 for the evening. We were greeted with a laughably unnecessary set of steel barriers and a snarl of ‘git ya teekits riddy’ where it so easily could have been ‘Good Evening Sir and Madam, and welcome to the O2 Academy, Newcastle. We sincerely hope that you will enjoy this evening’s performance by renowned cynical funsters Half Man Half Biscuit. Take care entering, mind the step and if you would be so kind as to prepare your tickets for inspection by my colleague over yonder, he will ensure your swift entry into the venue’. No, it was ‘git ya teekits riddy’. I live here and I was struggling. God knows what all the softy southerners made of it.
A combination of the Vendoresses heels and my neck meant that the Mosh Pit (or indeed any area of potential jostling) was never a serious option, so we settled ourselves behind the sound desk. Spotting the fact that they hadn’t bothered opening the back bar, the Vendoress leapt (well scrabbled might be a more accurate verb) onto the substantial wooden counter and bagged herself a rather comfortable perch and an excellent view of the stage. To say nothing of a perfect opportunity to rest her weary feet. Let, as they say, the show begin.
Blistering start that included four songs that made it through to the later rounds of last year’s Lux Familiar cup and warmed up the audience a treat. The sound in the O2 is great (one advantage of playing ‘proper’ venues perhaps?) and without wanting to say it was excellent, the lighting and dry ice (there was plenty Jason, don’t worry) set a marvellous ambience which complemented the band’s virtuoso opening. (Christ, did I just type that bollocks?)
Is there any better sound to hear coming from your life partner, than a throaty chuckle whilst listening to a rendition of Lock Up Your Mountain Bikes? (Instantly updated to include the last verse being something like ‘that’s when Neil first said, that’s when Neil first said, that’s when Neil first said, Dave Lee Travis’). Or indeed a shrill shriek of laughter on seeing someone mime the international sign language for ‘eating your tea’. This moment of domestic contentment on my part, was ruined completely however by the jobsworth tw@t who chose that moment to growl ‘oy, git orf da bar top’ in the Vendoresses direction. Not wanting to be ejected from a gig for the first time since The Red Guitars in the early eighties, we complied, but it meant that The Vendoress (who is not one of the tallest women in the world; perhaps the reason she looks up to me?) spent the rest of the gig moving from side to side like a crab trying to find a decent view. Thank God for the TV screens.
Most albums were represented, some great between song chat (‘I’ve started doing mediation classes; beats sitting around all day, doing nothing’), much checking of set lists and sipping of water and as perfect a way of spending an hour and a half at the end of a shitty day as I could possibly think of. Left feeling that my soul was much restored, not by the folk of my hometown but by a group of blokes who can put a big smile on my face simply by telling a story of driving past the Angel of the North, whilst trying to show it a pair of Dad’s Army socks, veering across the road and probably ending up on Traffic Cops. I love The Angel. It always tells me when I’m nearly home. But I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to look at it again without thinking of a Birkenhead Car and Van Hire Luton Box careering out of control down the Bowes incline, with a leg sticking out of the window. Splendid.
17 November 2012
John Burscough
In guitar news, all straps remained secure. The Airstream made a brief appearance during the encore (for ‘Help!’, possibly, things were getting a bit blurred by then). Tuning slightly suspect, but “Close enough for Country” according to NB57. Earlier Neil had come over and made a slight adjustment to the Esquire, after which Ken washed his hands of tuning duties, despite pleas for help (“Is it the A? The B?”).
NB and Neil swapped axes for Vatican Broadside.
Classic feedback-inducing pose on the drum riser at the end of ‘Look Dad, No Tunes’, though not using the arshall amp (like a Marshall, but with the M fallen off).
17 November 2012
Mark C
First time for me for a while but a well planned work trip got me in Newcastle at the right time. And, as noted in pre-gig banter, work paid for the trip. So I was in a good frame of mind upon arrival. The lack of decent beer at the bar didn’t dampen my mood – I stuck to Gaymers so a bucket of sweet cider for the first time since I was a teenager was consumed.
Support band were alright in a sub-Arcade Fire sort of way and then came the main event. Loads of old classics plus my favourites from 90 Bisodol and a Beatles cover into the mix. A bottle of wine back at the hotel and I woke up slightly sore of head for the Metro trip to the office singing Gargoyles under my breath and giggling at the DLT reference.
Should be able to make it to Sheffield in February even if I do have to pay for the trip myself.
ps. Anybody go for a Pint Of Skittles?
17 November 2012
MORE LIKE KEN BARLOW
Skillfully managed to organise customer calls in Bromborough, Sheffield, York and Newcastle so from Wednesday to Friday did an 850 mile round trip from ‘my gaff’ as D list Paul Ross would say. Having watched 4 gigs inthe past 12 months from ‘the back of the terraces’ I was on the touchline for this one. Unbelievably, they are even better up close and personal although I have a touch of ‘arc eye’ from the light reflecting off Ken’s bonce. The first man in Wallasey to use ‘Shoulders’ shampoo.
The substance on the metal flooring must be the stickiest known to man but I still managed a bit of bouncing. Look Dad No Tunes was the stand out for me. Broadstairs wasn’t quite as good as in Bath where they nailed it. Perhaps they should have swapped mics again as well as axes.
The mosh pit faithful are starting to look their age but the rolling substitutions did help some to take a breather from time to time before re-entering the fray.
Ga day to the Aussie contributors. Are you aware that Barnstoneworth Utd teams play in both Melbourne and Sydney? Didn’t see the BUFC shirt (no. 11, Davitt) from Bath here. Red and White stipes in Newcastle, not a great idea I suppose.
See you in Holmfirth.
19 November 2012
not Roger Green
This time my excuse for setting up another “let’s rob Roger Green’s review from Gez’s site” scam is just to directly compare Vendor’s alleged “mediation classes” (see above) with Roger’s perhaps more plausible “meditation classes”, then let you, the public, decide.
Roger Green tells the story:
Yet again, life imitates art. You know the line in Evening Of Swing where the Satnav is causing a spot of bother? We were driving to Newcastle in Mark’s car with the “aid” of aforementioned tool. We got as far as the Tyne Bridge with no trouble. But as things got tricky (roads running overhead) it didn’t want to know. Yes I am aware, we should have got the bus. The best plan seems to be to ignore everything it tells you, and all will be well. And besides, we had a Festive Fifty tape to see us through. All roads eventually lead to the Travelodge, where we met up with Tony whose reconnaisance earlier in the day meant that we were led straight to the venue. Queuing for the Blood On The Dancefloor gig (upstairs at the same venue) was, shall we say, considerably heavier than for HMHB. In any case, we were in good time and comfortably fitted a beer in at The Forth Hotel. This gave Tony time to listen in on a conversation about favourite photographers, before he told us about an article he had seen in The Guardian, where there was some quibbling over the term “mathematically safe”. Apparently the correct term is “arithmetically safe”. Discuss. Oh, and Newcastle is the Greggs capital of the UK.
We soon became numbers five, six and seven in the HMHB queue and were let in before the stampede for Blood On The Dancefloor. At least HMHB had a better t-shirt stall. Lovecraft were the support act once again. They were a bit more chatty than I remember them previously. I remembered the line “Everything keeps sticking to me”. The singer thanked the crowd for “a bit of golf applause”. When he started going on about his problems, he responded to the “awww” by answering “Don’t pity me. Just give me your money.” We were invited to go to Geoff’s stall where he would “throw a CD” at us. That’s worth saving up for another time. I still can’t quite make my mind up about Lovecraft. That could be a good thing. Perhaps they are a bit proggy, but not enough to make me turn up late on these evenings.
Holst provided the walk-on music for HMHB. The first thing to observe was Carl’s moustache. Maybe it’s a permanent feature, or maybe it’s part of this Movember charity thing. To be established in due course. There was an early celebrity spot. Julian Worricker. But isn’t he usually on the BBC News Channel at this time of day? Nigel talked about the Braintree v Tranmere Cup tie from earlier in the week. “Everyone watches, hoping there is going to be an upset, but when it is obvious that that isn’t going to happen, they all turn over to I’m A Celebrity.” The final line of Lock Up Your Mountain Bikes was “That’s when Neil first said… Dave Lee Travis”. DLT had been pulled in for a word down at the station.
After a request was shouted for Dean Friedman, Nigel pointed out that Friedman could well be the subject of the song that followed, being Asparagus Next Left. Nigel raised a bottle of water to the recently departed Clive Dunn. This led to him revealing a pair of Dad’s Army socks. In the van on the way to the gig, he had repeatedly been showing these to Neil, the distracted driver. He said we can expect to see this on Police Camera Action next week… “Look at this idiot!” while there’s a bloke in the passenger seat showing his socks to the driver. We got an inkling of Nigel’s opinion of Sports Personality Of The Year. “It’s a waste of time. There’s going to be ten candidates and none of them will be Frankel.” He also said that he’s started meditation classes. “It’s better than sitting round doing nothing.”
Attention was diverted to “an incident” where one of the security guys had to “have a word” with a punter. Quality reporting here. I was too far away to tell exactly what it was about. Ken was apparently the first man in Wallasey to eat Monster Munch. I only picked up on a story about half way through, which was about some of Nigel’s friends who found a skeleton in their loft wearing a medal saying “Hide And Seek champion, 1922”. He then went on about one of his mates (possibly the same one) who tried to arouse himself by fantasising about Colonel Twitchen’s wife in one of the episodes of Fawlty Towers. You may need to seek out the Cordon Bleu episode if you can’t picture her. Nigel blew Neil a kiss for sorting out the capo on his guitar. Gomez leaned over my shoulder to inform me that he had had Fix It So She Dreams Of Me played at his wedding!
There was the ritual swapping of guitars for She’s In Broadstairs. Hasn’t Nigel told the one before about dreaming of eating a giant marshmallow, and then waking up to find that his pillow has disappeared? On the subject, Nigel was wondering whether he he had dreamt about Victory V ice cream, or is it for real? Joy Division Oven Gloves are now available on Stockton market. The mosh pit took some time to wake up, but it was lively by the end of the gig. And at the very end, Neil grabbed his set list and handed it to one of the younger members of the audience, who had spent the evening just about managing to peer over the top of the barrier. The band is all heart. But Neil struggled to clamber back on to the stage. He will have trouble on the HMHB outing to Helvellyn. Twenty-Four Hour Garage People was noticeable by its absence.
8.38 The Light At The End Of The Tunnel
8.41 Fred Titmus
8.44 When The Evening Sun Goes Down
8.48 Lock Up Your Mountain Bikes
8.50 Joy In Leeuwarden
8.53 Asparagus Next Left
8.56 Bob Wilson Anchorman
9.00 Totnes Bickering Fair
9.03 Look Dad No Tunes
9.09 Restless Legs
9.12 Excavating Rita
9.16 Running Order Squabble Fest
9.19 27 Yards Of Dental Floss
9.22 All I Want For Xmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit
9.27 National Shite Day
9.35 Fix It So She Thinks Of Me
9.38 Paintball’s Coming Home
9.41 For What Is Chatteris?
9.44 She’s In Broadstairs
9.49 Little In The Way Of Sunshine
9.52 Vatican Broadside
9.53 I Left My Heart In Papworth General
9.56 We Built This Village
10.00 Rock ‘N’ Roll Is Full Of Bad Wools
10.07 Joy Division Oven Gloves
Three in the encore
10.14 Help
10.16 Everything’s AOR
10.20 99% Of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd
From there it was back to The Union Rooms, with Mark, Tony, Tony’s mate Denis, and Daz. Daz soon had to leave, as he was getting the 11.45 bus back to London. He was hoping to be back for 6.00 on Friday morning. There’s commitment for you! Maybe he’s still somewhere on the A1 as I type this. The conversation in the pub turned to Nic Jones, Wittgenstein’s theory of language (what is a “stew” and what is “soup”?), Hadrian’s Wall (apparently The Academy is built on its route) and Get Carter in no particular order. Denis said that he had been to see Don Giavanni earlier in the week, but he had enjoyed HMHB far more. Well, of course. From there it was back to the Travelodge, and then back down the A1 on the Friday morning. The Festive Fifty tape was 1998. Number one was The Delgados’ Pull The Wires From The Wall. Quickish turnaround when I got home. Just enough time for this review, and then straight back out to Halifax to see The Lovely Eggs. Another top turn, but I’m not quite ready to take pen and paper with me just yet.
19 November 2012
vendor of quack nostrums
@NRG
No need for the public to decide. Mine was a typo that I’ve only just noticed on reading your comment. Great gag, but it doesn’t really work without that missing ‘t’.
19 November 2012
Ste
Makes a change only having a ten mile drive to see HMHB instead of the usual several hundred I’m used to. The sound in the O2 is immense and probably the best live sound I’ve heard from the lads [although Kendal wasn’t bad]. Made the mistake of standing next to the speakers on the right of the stage and still waiting for my hearing to return. Plenty of singing, jumping and headbanging made it a night to remember. Roll on Holmfirth……….
20 November 2012
BrumBiscuit
@More Like Ken Barlow “Didn’t see the BUFC shirt (no. 11, Davitt) from Bath here”
No, no appearance form the toupeed marksman until Bilston, I’m afraid. However, I should be arriving on a lilac Harry Quinn by then, so should be easy to spot.
And no, red & white stripes would not have been a wise choice…
20 November 2012
Mark
My first HMHB gig, and hopefully not my last! Not normally a fan of the Academy, but a mixture of a somewhat older crowd (sorry) and far better than usual sound made that a belter – the band might have had something to do with it as well…
I do now have to remember to check some of the earlier stuff I don’t have, but bloody hell what an evening. Highlight was either Look Dad, No Tunes or getting to the front and jumping along for Chatteris with two fellow enthusiasts. Here’s hoping they come back soon…
(PS. John Burscough – I suspect that might be my iPod! Only downside to the evening was losing that, tried the venue to no avail. Quite happy to arrange this/send proof ect. over this. Just shows what a nice bunch HMHB fans are really!)
21 November 2012
John Burscough
Mark, your name is proof enough (the device identifies itself as Mark’s iPod).
@Chris the Siteowner: please could you let me know Mark’s email address so I can arrange restitution?
21 November 2012