Fun night in the park. Nod to Mr. Cohen. “Mind those swans”.
18 November 2016
TAYLO
It was like I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here! We had to walk round the lake in the dark on a rope bridge! Tragedy the cover version.
19 November 2016
Bobby svarc
Any crowd trouble?
19 November 2016
EXXO
And any news on t-shirt sales?
And with no t-shirts in your size On that starry, starry night You took your life as lovers often do
19 November 2016
Vendor of quack nostrums
The Palace of Arts is an odd structure, started many years ago, much loved and respected by those who understand its idiosyncrasies, never quite mainstream, evolving its use over the years, appealing to a smallish group of obsessives, once military vehicle enthusiasts, now the modern Camra Men, so it was, without doubt, an appropriate setting for a gathering of Biscuiteers.
Exhibition Park, in which the Palace sits, is a pleasant, family focused space near the centre of Newcastle. Not that you’d realise that on a dark November evening when a woeful lack of illumination and signage resulted in a conga line of confused 50 somethings leaving their collective perambulation comfort zones as they stumbled towards their destination. Literally kept in the dark about the venue. Secret gig space more than a Secret Gig. Not sure if anyone actually met an untimely end but I may have seen a whale-like object, dressed in a Dukla Prague Away Kit, sadly floating by, on the boating lake, on the way out.
Anyway, wristband firmly secured, scan the merch stand, then onto the first of three bars. Pint of Rakau. You can really taste the single hop. And the grapefruit. Hint of melon. Undertone of kiwi fruit. That kind of thing. And then into the central hall. (Follow the signs to the toilet. Yes, that’s right, all patrons through that narrow door and take an immediate sharp left. My H&S radar was twitching and beeping alarmingly by the time we entered the round, highly domed central hall). Acoustically interesting things domes are. You couldn’t hear the person next to you but you could pick up conversations coming from gawd knows where.
I didn’t type out the set list, content to just listen and enjoy and occasionally lever unthinking types out of the way of the Missus who, on occasions like this, often appears to become invisible. Still she enjoyed it. Happy that there was lots of ‘early stuff’ she could sing along to and film in order to stick up on Facepaint or wherever later on, as part of the ongoing effort to make us look varied and interesting. Me, I sang along to everything, enjoying being surrounded by other word perfect obsessives. Lots to enjoy, particularly Evening Sun, Gok Wan, Hornbeam, Lark Descending, AOR and A Lilac HQ. Two hours of bliss.
We learnt a few things. Nigel’s only been camping once. He’s not really an outdoors type, just likes a walk then gets himself home. Got stuck in Durham once trying to get back from Spennymoor. Important stuff. The route to the gig was clearly outlined in detail, it’s not the way I’d have gone but I’m sure mileage charts were consulted. An AA gazetteer update too: Durham – Nice Cathedral, shit services.
So away home. Ears ringing. Feet hurting. Eyes drooping. Throat sore. Soul nourished. Unlike the stomach however. The venue promised Asian street food and small plate British Tapas. They obviously kept these well hidden. Had to resort to cheese, crackers and Bombay Mix on returning home. It did the job I guess and somehow seemed an appropriate post-Biscuit repast, no pretentious bollocks just traditional British Fayre.
19 November 2016
BOBBY SVARC
They went like hot cakes, the queues at Geoff’s Mini-Mart started at 6.30pm, It got a bit unpleasant when someone started a vicious rumour that Jimmy Fivebellies had bought all of the XXXL’s.
19 November 2016
Vendor of quack nostrums
Drumstick update. Previous incidents had obviously concerned the band deeply as they went to the bother of manufacturing an expensive looking sign stating that no more drumsticks would be forthcoming until we all learnt to love each other. A grand gesture as expense of said sign obviously used up a significant part of the evening’s profits.
Crowd trouble? A bit of handbags. If only people could grasp that subtle difference between moshing with those who want to mosh and randomly pushing unsuspecting people over.
19 November 2016
Phyllis Triggs
Vendor – Fantastic! Thanks for posting that. You’ve really brightened up a sad morning spent (mainly on hold) trying to get an explanation as to why I have a seat booked on a train that no longer exists (not even as a bus replacement service) and what are they going to do about it (answer: nothing). Love the image of the whale-like object dressed in Dukla Prague Away Kit! Shame I couldn’t be there last night but am looking forward to Leeds – a more traditional venue. Cheers:)
19 November 2016
Jitsu_g
Great night. I am now the proud owner of the drum stick sign. Neil was kind enough to fetch it for me after the gig
19 November 2016
Mr ed
Fantastic evening. A few great beers beforehand with discussions about Scottish cuisine, then a fantastic gig. Slight downer from one idiot getting a bit too excited, the King of High Viz gave as good as he got to sort it out. After that another beer before the bar closed. I managed to lose my hat in the gig so ended up getting an Uber back to the Premier Inn in the centre. Gutted that I can’t make Leeds but looking forward to Coventry and Bilston. Bring on 2017.
19 November 2016
Eric olthwaite
I hope I never lose my hat. Don’t want to get an Uber.
19 November 2016
Eric olthwaite
I hope I never lose my hat. Don’t want to get an Uber.
19 November 2016
Swiss
A good night in an odd venue with an unlit winding footpath around a lake just to get to the door. Im sure it will feature in some future song. Plenty of old stuff Dukla Prague Away Kit , Joy Division Oven Gloves, Trumpton Riots, Out Break of Vitas Geraliatis, Vatican Broadside, 99% of Gargoyles look like Bob Todd, National Shite Day, Gok Wan Acolytes, Bob Wilson Anchor Man, Whit Week Malarky, When the Sun Goes Down, Built this Village on Trad Arr. Tunes, Shit Arm, Bad Tattoo etc also a brief nod to Leonard Cohen. Running debate on travel from Birkenhead to Newcastle including variations to the route and where to stop. Kirkby Stephen lost out to services at Durham. The Bloke that sets up the PA enjoyed a large plate of food while the lap top did the work.
20 November 2016
POOR tOM
We dropped off our bags at the hotel near Jesmond metro, all very leafy and affluent, and headed out into a Black Mirroresque world where everybody is twenty-one years old and lives forever on a diet of Waitrose alcohol carry-outs. The taxi driver took us as close to the venue as he could get, the exhibition park gates, with only the constellation Orion and the floodlit brewery dome to guide us. Newcastle is a very up and down city. What should have been a gentle ten minute stroll took twice as long due to regular COPD breaks, which must have tested the patience of my companion. While his heart fluttered with anticipation of seeing the Biscuits live mine was bursting out of my chest at each 25 percent gradient. Great venue, great beers, and the band gave their all for two hours to an appreciative sing-along audience. Nigel is an engaging and idiocyncratic frontman but I couldn’t take my eyes of Neil’s world weary poker faced bass playing. Having recently taken up the bass myself (Smoke on the Water and Cream’s Sunshine of your Love at half speed thus far) his thunderous blurry fingers held me mesmerised and inspired. I’m no longer a miner as of today.
You nearly had Nigels eye out with your spork Dr D
20 November 2016
dr desperate
To begin at the end: sincere apologies to the hundreds of people in the cloakroom queue, which I effortlessly jumped without noticing it was there. Blame it on the fact that the venue is a brewery, though probably the most splendid one I’ve ever visited. If you’ve never visited, Coleridge’s ‘Kubla Khan’ would give you a rough idea of the set-up, though I’m sure his stately pleasure-dome couldn’t boast a photo-booth emblazoned with a quote from Steely Dan.
The usual crews were in evidence on our arrival, Roger’s chatting easily to Neil, the bassist, about band trips to Holland before the days of ‘own bog, own bed’. No Exxo, unfortunately, or Hendrix-Tat, but Jay was there with Roy Wood (may not contain Roy Wood), as was Lee, back from the land Down Under. Diggory Venn had made it over from the IOM hoorah, but we’ll have to wait till Leeds for the return of Thorsten aus Hamburg.
Sonnenberg did a magical Sonnenberg set, then it was the incidental music from ‘The Big Country’ and we were off with ALHQ. I have nothing much to add to Roger’s peerless review (which I’m sure will find its way here soon), except to say that the spork thrown at Nigel during SUAH (see [8.28] in the YouTube above) was my spork, and that the elbow dug into the kidneys of the troublemakers during NSD was my elbow. If they’re not experiencing haematuria by now, all the hours I spent in anatomy lectures were wasted. A no-drumstick situation for them, but props to Idiots & Pigeons for his spirited defence of Little Miss Poundbury during the fracas.
Nigel’s UBIK aerosol-can t-shirt was a continuation of his Philip K Dick campaign by other means. He did the Sturmey-Archer hand and the (non-Trotskyite) forehead pick manoeuvres, and brought out the Airstream guitar for TBOC, which as usual also featured the Neil/Ken axeswap. Neil informed him that his effects pedal’s middle switch controlled the volume, “So now we both know”. Following a call from Diggory Venn, he was impressive on the Isle of Man, mentioning that the Laxey Wheel’s real name is The Lady Isabella (but not that it was designed by Robert ‘No Relation’ Casement). BW,A was about The Boy Primrose (Bob Wilson’s middle name, as we know), and Marilyn Monroe was not a slag, though I failed to catch how she’s now described. I must admit I missed the substitution of ‘favourite blue raincoat’ for ‘brown anorak’ in 1966.
As far as I can recall, the ‘Winter Wonderland’ – tuned fragment about posh golf clubs went: “Bacon rolls on arrival Won’t ensure your survival I’m not going to play something something something Even though the kids are back at school”. Any advance, anyone?
The glaucoma chat at the end led to the mention that Nigel’s dad had died in June. RIP.
On to Leeds!
20 November 2016
CARRIE ANNE
Another epic review from lovely Roger, as swiped from Gez’s website.
Newcastle Wylam Brewery, Fri 18th November 2016 (19/11/16) Roger Green:
Sorry I didn’t realise this at the time, but a hearty round of applause goes to Daz who reached his half-century of HMHB shows at Lincoln in October. He likes a good night out, does Darren. So I asked him how many of them he could actually remember. “About twenty-four” was his reply.
By HMHB standards, there was a media blitz in The Guide section of The Guardian. This constituted a quarter-page ad for the forthcoming shows. The graphic was the picture of Neil from the front cover of Urge For Offal, with a list of the forthcoming gigs. It was a bit confusing for the completists, though, as the Bilston and Coventry dates were missing. Maybe The Gig Cartel were only plugging their own stuff. I did my best as well. I managed to get Chris Hawkins to mention this one when asking for a request in the 5.15 slot on his 6 Music show.
Thanks to Karen for noting a comment by a TV continuity announcer. “Coming up, brand new Live At The Apollo.” Where have we heard that before? And I was pleased to note the incident where a dog was on the field at the India v England test match. A mash-up there between Even Men With Steel Hearts and Them’s The Vagaries. What a great pleasure five-day tests can be.
The gap between the Lincoln gig and this one in Newcastle was minimal by the usual HMHB standard. Not much to report at all, although I was pleasantly surprised by the fine form shown by The Monochrome Set at their show in Sheffield. Karen also let me know about an appearance by The Singer Out Of Slipknot on QI. I’ve always struggled with that programme. This episode was the same as any others that I have seen. I made it as far as the bit where they test out the buzzers. Then I was on my way. I would like to think that Ross Noble led a sing song of Vatican Broadside. But I can’t confirm either way.
We also had a night out in Goole (while holding back on the suicide pact) to see a splendid turn, The Warsaw Village Band. Dub Polish Folk, if you will. They are in the See Again file. We also happened upon a few minutes of the Absolute Radio Indie Disco. For those who like their Saturday nights in. Of course, there are some very flexible interpretations of “indie” (we heard Oasis, Blur and St Etienne among others). No doubt HMHB will appear sooner or later.
Bad news about Howie double-booking for this evening. Very careless. In his absence, and to ensure that he was there in spirit, he sent me a note when he was travelling on a train between Harrogate and Leeds. Howie was wearing a Trouble Over Bridgwater t-shirt. He takes up the story…. “The guard comes round doing tickets and instead of the customary ‘Tickets Please’ he says ‘Everybody’s doing the Len Ganley Stance’. Cue quick chat about HMHB, revealing that his fave track is Dukla Prague and he didn’t know HMHB were still going. That happens a lot! I’ve genned him up on the Leeds gig.” Good work, Howie. You would have made short work of the bar at this place.
This was a new venue to us, and its location looked slightly complicated on the map. So Karen and I undertook some afternoon reconnaissance work. The building is right in the middle of a park on the edge of the city. A fair walk from the centre. We thought we had got it sussed, although we ended up making our way out a totally different way at the end of the evening. Mental note to selves: next time we take some night-time navigation equipment. And some infra-red sight gear, to avoid those swans, particularly if there are cygnets around.
We found our way back to the venue with Tony, and met Jordan and Sally who, as always, were there before us. Good to see Geoff back behind the counter at the shop. He reported that sales of And Some Fell On Stony Ground were going well. And I took possession of the recently available t-shirt. XXXL these days. I also caught up with Craig, who said he was too old for the mosh pit. That’s two of us. There is plenty of safe space nearby though, Craig. John, Graham and Jay were other early arrivals, and we had a chat with Neil who shared tales from the band’s early days and about vintage football shirts from Toffs. I wasn’t aware that Neil had drawn the cover of the Trumpton Riots / Dukla Prague single.
Just ahead of the doors opening at 7 o’clock, we were joined in the queue by Mr Nigel Blackwell. Not sure what he was doing there, to be honest. He told us that he had gone out to buy a sandwich, and had also had difficulty finding his way through the park. Not just us, then. And then we realised that it wasn’t just entry with ticket. We had to go back outside into the cold (after we had deposited coats in the cloakroom, I hasten to add) in order to get the obligatory wristband.
Once all the administration was sorted, we were back into the warmth of the great hall. It was an unusually shaped room, with a tall dome. The only other similar space that I know is The Corn Exchange in Leeds, if you are familiar with that. Bit smaller, but much the same design. There was the bonus of being able to stand right up to the stage. Although as it turned out, that was not such a positive, as I didn’t pick up all of Nigel’s observations (thanks as usual to Tony and Karen for helping out there). Although I did pick up some interesting music being played before the bands started. Linton Kwesi Johnson, Gil Scott Heron and Lou Reed were all featured. Pete from Worksop joined the end of our defensive wall with tales of the joys of retirement. John would have won the Best T-Shirt award for his Straight Outta Trumpton number, but I am awarding it instead to myself and anyone else wearing And Some Fell On Stony Ground. Still no prizes though. It’s just for fun. Also there was a good effort from Lee, doing his best to be Warden Hodges, complete with ARP helmet. Gomez and Daz were there in good time (that doesn’t always happen). And Hello to Alex, for whom this was the first of many HMHB shows.
Special mention for the sheet draped over one of the amps. Written on it was “No more drum sticks until you learn to love each other.” This referred to the dispute at the end of the gig at Lincoln. Carl had thrown his sticks into the crowd but the intended recipient found himself in a tussle to keep hold.
The Gig Cartel must be a very high-discipline operation. They had a (typed out) running order on stage, for the acts to see. Doors 19.00 (didn’t realise they were still going), Support 20.20 to 20.50, Half Man Half Biscuit 21.00, Curfew 23.00. Everything ran like that almost to the minute. Maybe there are penalty clauses if you run late. “Support” was Sonnenberg who appeared at the allotted time. They are constantly changing their line-up. Tonight they had Zinny singing and playing guitar as usual. Saul playing the tabla as previously. And a lady backing vocalist, and a guy playing viola. The people who know about these things assured me it was a viola rather than a violin. They have definitely dropped my favourite, Sweet Sweet Life, from their set, but they still managed to get through six songs before the timekeepers gave them the push. Beautiful Morning Dancer War Song Into The Light What Goes Round Better Together
The band battled well against the general yatter from the crowd (Zinny asked “Can you hear us?”) I suppose they get used to that. But I heard Zinny’s comment: “Stay positive. Brexit and all that. Trump and all that.” A short but sweet set. Another song was included on their list, but they were ushered from the stage by dedicated venue management who were keen to stick to the schedule.
There was an enthusiastic welcome for HMHB as they entered the stage to music from the soundtrack of The Big Country. Neil was wearing a Ruts t-shirt. Nigel was in a UBIK t-shirt. A campaigning group for dyslexic Brexit supporters? Well no, apparently it’s a novel by Philip K Dick.
After a couple of songs, Nigel said to Neil, “Lisa Stansfield, from Rochdale. Gracie Fields, real name Gracie Stansfield. Also from Rochdale. No relation. It’s not as small a world as you might think.” Nigel also made an early request for “more vocals in the monitor, please” as well as pondering on why a spork is so called. Quite rightly, he wondered why it isn’t called a foon instead. He dispelled the myth that he is an “outdoors” person. He said the only time he went camping was in Tenby in 1985. The tent leaked and he ended up sleeping in a Ford Capri for the rest of the week. Nowadays, Nigel just does Grade One scrambles at most, and always looks to get back home afterwards, rather than staying out. He phoned the president of The Ramblers Association, but he wouldn’t come to the phone.
There was a shout for £24.99 From Argos. Nigel said he would be happy to do that, but the others couldn’t play it. His response to the guy who shouted out was to say “That shirt looks like £2.99 from Primark.” He also suggested that the heckler does not allow a chameleon to walk over it, because it would die of exhaustion. He also said that the shirt would get a better reception with an outside aerial. There was yet more reference to it during “Dukla Prague”. The dodgy transformer cost £3.10, “which was more expensive than your shirt.”
There followed talk about the band’s route to the gig. “Unusually we came out of the Wallasey Tunnel, and went on the M6 and then A66. We were going to stop at Kirkby Stephen, but didn’t in the end. We stopped at Durham Services instead, because they just wanted a cup of tea.” Nigel said he called in at Durham on his way to a match at Spennymoor. His ultimate comment on Durham was “Great cathedral. Shit services.”
We also had a bit of a song which was a tribute to Len Cohen. Sorry, didn’t recognise it. Also there was a message to posh golf clubs in the winter. To the tune of Winter Wonderland, the opening line was “Bacon rolls on arrival” and the gist was “stick to the municipals”. In response to a request for Nerys Hughes, Nigel gave a blast of the opening riff, and there was a bit of the Pointless theme also in there. Tony enquired why Phillipines is spelt with “Ph”, but Filipinos begins with “F”. Nigel suggested that Tony should have the microphone and is worth a fiver of your ticket money alone. I thought there could have been a reference to Mansfield’s very own Steve Evans in Lark Descending. Nancy Kominsky was the guest interfering with the ski lodge in Vitas Gerulaitis.
Nigel was unsure of the answer when Jordan asked him what the middle button on his foot pedal was for. “Volume, I think,” he said before consulting with Neil. There was a shout for Sealclubbing. “Yeah, that’s one of ours.” Bob Wilson Anchorman was introduced. “This is about the boy Primrose.” At one point Nigel’s guitar lead came unplugged. “Happens every time, that,” he said.
There was, it must be said, a little bit of unpleasantness during National Shite Day. At these things you might expect a little bit of a-pushing and a-shoving, but I’ve never quite understood why it ever needs to go beyond that. Sad but true.
I’m not sure why this happened, but Nigel was handed a pair of glasses to try on. He then said that he qualifies for free eye tests because glaucoma runs in the family, “but I’m not sure how they check that’s true.”
In 1966 And All That, the brown anorak was replaced by “favourite blue raincoat”. When the band came back for the encore, Nigel noticed that John was holding up some bubblewrap. No song accordingly though. The caravan guitar was brought out for Bain Of Constance. Someone shouted that the band had been on American Pickers. There was also a request for them to come and play the Isle Of Man. Nigel said he no longer travels by air or sea, but talked about 1972 when he did visit the Island. He was on a train trip around the island and went to see a recording of It’s A Knockout at Noble’s Park in Onchan.
Thanks to John for raiding the stage after the gig and handing over one of the setlists to Karen. An audit showed us that the band had originally planned to play Bad Wools and Chatteris. And Vatican Broadside does not appear on the set list (which was written on a page torn out of a 2001 desk diary), but was played. HMHB performed the following…
A Lilac Harry Quinn Stuck Up A Hornbeam When The Evening Sun Goes Down Shit Arm Bad Tattoo Fuckin’ ‘Ell It’s Fred Titmus Whit Week Malarkey 99% Of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd Lark Descending If I Had Possession Over Pancake Day Outbreak Of Vitas Gerulaitis All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit Bob Wilson Anchor Man Old Age Killed My Teenage Bride Vatican Broadside National Shite Day Fix It So She Dreams Of Me Look Dad No Tunes Joy Division Oven Gloves 1966 And All That Trumpton Riots We Built This Village On A Trad Arr Tune Everything’s AOR And in the encore Bane Of Constance Tragedy Time Flies By When You’re The Driver Of A Train The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Is The Light Of An Oncoming Train
We had a chat with Graham and Sarah, and then Ian and Mariana afterwards, and headed back through the darkness, again skilfully avoiding the swans on the lake. They can break your arm, you know. Then onwards to York the following night for an hour or so in the company of Mark E Smith and what currently constitutes The Fall.
Going back to youth. I think that beneath the brewery there may exist tunnels which took coal from ancient mines down to the Tyne
20 November 2016
Vendor of quack nostrums
Victoria Tunnel, Peter.
Well worth a visit. Used as an air raid shelter by our ancestors as well.
Tours available, although currently their website appears to be deed.
20 November 2016
Peter mcornotholgist
Thank you Vendor.
20 November 2016
Idiots and pigeons
After a 3:45am awakening and a grueling 6 AND A HALF HOURS ON THE COACH we arrived in Newcastle, feigning interest in the architecture and accent (Michael from “I’m Alan Partridge” quotes/paraphrases aplenty) all we wanted to do was a nice bit of sleep. The hotel was found and my heart skipped a beat upon noticing a large selection of cakes on the welcome desk, I soon realised these were only there to raise funds for the Nation’s favorite guilt trip. Doors open at 6 was stated on the ticket so we made our way hastily in the general direction of the venue, via a pre-gig snack. A ‘gourmet sandwich’ and some re-re-reheated fries and we were meandering through the City Centre. Aided by our good friend Google Maps. We arrived at the brewery (being mindful of the swans en route) around 5:30pm just in time to hear the soundcheck. A brief chat with Jay and after falling the victim of £4 shots of tequila we sat waiting near the doors. Carl noticed us and come over to apologise over ‘Drumstickgate’ to which we insisted he had nothing to apologise for. Soon after we noticed NB10 talking to Geoff both wanting to say hello but also not wanting to disturb him we nervously approached, “ah good to see ya” he grinned. Before regaling us with undoubtedly the most enthralling tale of anyone’s motorway journey ever. He also mentioned Ken doing the Chuck Berry ‘goose walk’, I informed him that the nonagenarian Mr. Berry is recording a new album so he shouldn’t have any plans of stopping yet. He virtually confirmed this by saying “it’s all he can do” and that “in an emergency he can change a light bulb”. Soon enough we bade him farewell as he ventured off into the night to purchase some chips (sad to see he only managed to source a sandwich and crisps). Saw the lovely Tony, Roger and Karen on their way in. Astounded by the lack of barrier and seemingly non-existent security we secured our place in front NB’s mic and awaited the arrival of Sonnenberg. A very quiet set further compounded by rude sections of the audience meant even at the front we struggled to hear, the chap on viola may have been miming for all we know! Was nice to have a little chat with hi-viz, I feel we are slowly but surely being accepted into the inner circle of Biscuiteers, this first came to our attention after Lincoln when I noticed we were name checked in Roger’s review. The Biscuiteering equivalent of being awarded an MBE. I must own up to being the ‘nice chap’ who uploaded the opening two songs to YT, I have lots more footage if anybody wants me to upload, I feel i should tell you all know though there is it a lot of screaming and wobbly camera moments from my respective excitement / dancing. Seemed to be a very peaceful crowd until the opening chords of NSD caused an unruly oaf to shower myself and hi-viz in his overpriced pint, before proceeding to shove me into my partner over and over again, when she asked him to stop he shoved the back of her head. When he’s done it again I’ve reacted (what i deem to be) suitably. After the altercation being diffused by the veteran attendees, we continued to dance. The shoves returned moments later, the force increased to the highest velocity possible available to the antiquated sinewy limbs of our antagonist. I turned around to politely ask him to **** off, to which he struck a blow to my ‘forrid akin to a moth on a light bulb. The last I saw off him he hand a burly arm around his throat and was being dragged away through the crowd. Who was the tall balding guest, who saved me from assault? Security? (doubtful) Whoever you are I truly hope you are reading this as I thank you dearly. There was a beautiful moment where I managed to stroke NB’s silky loafer. Does anybody know of the origins of said loafers? It is the ambition of myself and other to acquire some similar in preparation of the Leeds gig. Would be nice to get to meet more of you regular posters in the flesh, I am the long haired cat t-shirt wearing man generally to be found hugging the barrier (or not in this case) in front of NB’s mic. Love you all, JC
20 November 2016
Bobby svarc
Thank God that Coventry is all seating.
21 November 2016
Mr ed
JC, I too got showered with the beer, what a waste. I was stood right behind you in a Voyage to the Bottom of the Road t-shirt. Happy to meet up before another gig for a beer. I will be at Coventry and Bilston.
21 November 2016
hendrix-tattoo
Gonna bring a crash helmet for my next gig.
21 November 2016
Peter mcornotholgist
Hey Mr.Tattoo . Treat yourself to a Dyson award winning helmet.
21 November 2016
TAYLO
In response to Dr Desperate the song goes
“Bacon Roll on arrival, doesn’t mean that I’m libel, to patronise you with twelve of me mates, just because the kids are back at school” (and even when you do it’s temporary holes).
I first heard that beauty at The Star and Garter in the late 90’s.
Sorry we didn’t make our presence known more on Friday. Very much an incognito job for me and Loop this gig but thoroughly enjoyed it.
Smallest dressing room since Bath Komedia.
21 November 2016
dr desperate
Thanks Taylo! Was Ginger Biscuit with you?
21 November 2016
dr desperate
@I & P: Since you ask (and not wishing to attract accusations of extractor fandom), I believe the loafers/boat shoes favoured by NB are the Sebago Triton Three Eye in British Tan. Bit pricey, but he may have pestered his Nan to buy them for him. http://www.sebago.com/UK/en_GB/triton-three-eye/19424M.html
NOT MAD ON THAT SHADE. MORE OF A THREATENING PUCE ?
21 November 2016
DIGGORY VENN
Hello everyone. That was my second HMHB gig after years of remote worship, and it was ridiculously joyous. Well, there was that spot of aggro in the crowd but there are always one or two twats in the ointment, aren’t there? They’re the ones who go through life ‘spoiling it for the rest of the class’. Brick ’em up. On which note, I was beside myself that we got to hear Fix It So She Dreams Of Me – my particular favourite in an embarrassment of riches. Making my way up to the front at the start, I found Dr Desperate and Mr Ed, who I met at the Cambridge gig in summer – it was nice to see you again, and thanks for being so friendly. I find that going to gigs on your own calls for a deep breath, in fact, it’s one of the few things which – like riding a ghost train – feels like it should really only be done with other people, so I appreciated seeing familiar faces. Nigel said he won’t play in the Isle of Man as he doesn’t do boats or planes but he didn’t say anything about zipwires, so I remain hopeful.
Til next time x
21 November 2016
TAYLO
The Ginger Biscuit made the journey to the Toon but not the gig. He’s bringing his knuckle dusters to Leeds.
22 November 2016
dr desperate
@DV Twats in the ointment is good. There’s a black sheep in every barrel of apples.
22 November 2016
Bobby svarc
They put on cage fighting at The Empire, maybe I’ll renew my boxing promoters licence and provide a bit of ‘behind closed doors’ entertainment after the encores.
22 November 2016
Chris The Siteowner
Re: Wylam Brewery gig. As a novice, my most successful gig to date. The first attempt had been at my old club in Hebden Bridge, when, despite having a pre-paid member’s ticket, I couldn’t get into the room because the incompetent arseholes on the door let people in with abandon. Was tempted to ring the fire brigade [but desisted, and it’s still my favourite club despite Hebden Bridge being full, as Nigel rightly says, of the “chattering classes”. Great Newcastle set, pity about a tiny minority of arses, and exorbitant prices [why?] in the music room itself. Taxing walk back to the car park!
22 November 2016
Idiots and pigeons
@Bobby svarc I reluctantly offer to step into the cage with any ‘man’ attending who thinks he can hit my dainty partner in the back of the head and guffaw about it, be sure to have an ample supply of Fentiman”s to celebrate my inevitable victory. Also what is this about Coventry being seated? The infallible Google images suggests otherwise? @Mr Ed that would be very nice not sure I will recognise you, I can remember the tshirt but unfortunately not the face..
22 November 2016
Bill Spliff
As a novice to HMHB gigs, the best yet [apart from minor near stage tossery, and shite bar prices in the auditorium itself, when the same brews were available outside at reasonable prices]. A great phalanx of outdoor heaters for the “smoking” area. I wonder if the crowd who entered through the latter’s door actually saw the gig for free…………
23 November 2016
Bobby svarc
@IAP: All seating for some. My shirts say ‘Iron Only’. See you on the dark side of the M69.
23 November 2016
Brumbiscuit
It’s OT, I know, but I used to see a band called The Redbeards from Texas at JB’s Club in Dudley in the mid-80s. They were four Brummies who very tongue in cheek did what would now be called a ZZ Top tribute act. (Cricket pads & a false, long red beard, anyone?) Anyhoo, they always used to come on stage to The Big Country and every time I hear that music I am taken back in time to the smoky Sunday evenings I (mis)spent. As you were.
Mrs McO RIP.
23 November 2016
EXXO
SICK SSHITWITS and other matters arising.
It’s been great to get so many reports on this gig from different points of view, to gradually build it up into a virtual 3-D experience even for those who weren’t lucky or competent enough to be there ourselves. I have gradually come to feel every shove from the mashed-up mosher and I even feel like I now know all the various entrances and exits should I need to bunk in next time.
As the first reviews came in there were questions in my mind that lurked, like how did the conversation get around to camping and how did Dr. Des get through security with his concealed weapon? But then I realise it sounds like Dr.Des was the de facto security, and that the spork-chucking incident and the camping tales from windy Wales are probably related. Am I doing 2+2 =5 ? So many other notes and queries have emerged from the reviews that I had to jot down a mnemonic to remember them all here. And so maybe if I keep thinking about “SICK SSHITWITS!” I won’t forget anything I wanted to ask about.
The first S is for shoes and the general shoegazing that seemed to have gone on amongst astonished rustics in the audience – but Dr. Des you should know better than to spread rumours that such wealth is being ostentatiously displayed in the Prenton area. Could lead to a spate of burglary. No, the words which spring immediately to mind are T.K. Maxx, £32.99.
Which brings us to I which of course is for Idiots and Pigeons (Jordan?) [I ‘m enjoying the pelmanistic puzzle of piecing together the Biscuitistas’ various stage names and their real ones in some of these reviews]. Jordan (?), your fetishistic ways with shoeleather are disturbing me slightly but not enough to discourage me from saying yes, let’s arrange an I.C. get-together before the Leeds gig. Sounds as if this ‘Inner Circle’ needs infiltratating if only to keep an eye on its activities.
Next the big C question, which has to be about poor old Chatteris and its apparent disposability at the last two gigs, after 11 long years of chugging along , unmoshable but unstoppable. What will Andy do for a piss-break song if this trend continues on into the Midlands gigs next year?
K is to remind me to ask about the King and his Bubblewrap. Surely he shows us the way to go to get our favourites on the list in future. Want to hear a song? Hold up a prop, a sign, or other visual aid! Don’t just shout it out, gig-goers! I actually found a tube of the green Pringles (sour onion, or whatever they;’re really called) in a cupboard recently and I hate that flavour so it seems the obvious way to get rid of them at the Leeds gig. But how to get them past security when you look as shifty as I do? Give them to Dr. Des or his queen of quick wit, possibly?
But how could we really avoid talking about the King at every turn, ‘cos now we come to the double ‘S’ which of course is for spork and specs , both thrown onto the stage somehow. We have been told who was responsible for the former, but even Roger doesn’t know how a pair of specs came to be thrown onto the stage. I can’t help but wonder if they came from the same source, after Nigel mentioned needing a pair of 1.5’s at the last gig? Is Dr. Des trying to break his own record for the number of different HMHB ‘props’ deployed by one man at one gig?
Then @Mr. Ed and @ H-Tat, the H question has to be about your respective HATS . Surely most of us are still wondering why the loss of a Burberry Fez means an immediate UberTaxi home?? Is it a kind of Cinderella Syndrome thing? Don’t leave us any longer in suspenders Mr. Ed.
And @H-Tat! Thanks, I need an economical interim headgear alternative as, after nearly 50 years cycling without bonce protection I’ve started to feel a bit more vulnerable after a senior moment led to a bash of head on tarmac a couple of months ago, and the one I ordered 6 weeks ago now shows no sign of arriving.
Question I is of course about the intriguing “Incognito job” referred to in @Taylo’s comment. Are we to infer that in the intimate confines of the dressing room parping plans were being laid for Leeds? The question has to be asked. Though maybe the answer is best left as a yuletide surprise?
Question T is just a “why not?” question about those T-shirts . @Roger is gospel true always, it was t-shirt of the night, t –shirt of the month and it will be t-shirt of the year. So even if you haven’t bought the CD ‘cos money’s tight and you already have all the tracks, well why not get the shirt in Leeds or get one for someone you love for Xmas? You’ll undoubtedly reap what you sow.
W – great to see the Wallasey Tunnel get a mention in Roger’s review, and get the band’s toll money for a change. I lined up with the school to see her Liziness open it, majestically she did it too of course, on a long, warm and very tedious day in 1971, so good to see it gets used occasionally. And it certainly provides the finest way to the Toon from Ken’s house: M6, A683, A666, the ‘highway to hell’, or Scotch Corner anyhow. Quality routing, the exact same mileage with none of the risks associated with M60/M62, so no questions there your honour.
I is for Inner Circle , AKA the front barrier huggers. Is there a secret handshake to get a spot at the front? Just thought I’d mention them again, and ask (see the pre-gig thread) whether Hedley Verity then the Fenton (AKA ‘the Shane’), then the Fenton again afterwards could that be the plan for Leeds? Cut to the pre-gig thread.
The next T has to be for the twat(s) in the broth – sounds like he/they were nicely dealt with by fellow punters, but my main question arising would be simply … how good is it to hear from Vendor on here after quite a while? Another twat-related question does lurk in the corner however, and that is … how is Carl going to know when we have all learned to love each other unless he gives out a tentative drumstick or two? And is punishing Newcastle for the sins of New Holland really going to do the trick? However all in all I’m thinking that if some band members are so sensitive to such matters we ought to not make such a big deal of them in the reviews. The drunken twats have often piled in over the years and have often caused minor injury to members of the audience, including the smaller ones, but have not been quite as fussed about as in recent reports.
So that’s it SICK SSHITWITShas done the trick and I think I’ve remembered all me questions, queries and matters arising from the minutes. The final ‘s’ question was going to be about Mick’s ‘seats’ shocker about the Cov gig, which had me worried for a while, but thankfully it’s already been cleared up above.
All answers and further clarifications welcome.
23 November 2016
Mr ed
WRT the hat. It was very cold, hence the hat in the first place. Far too cold to walk for half an hour for the sake of a few quid on a cab. Much as I like walking, I dislike having cold tabs even more.
23 November 2016
EXXO
As I thought: classic ‘Cinderella Syndrome’ and associated denial.
Thanks for confirmation.
23 November 2016
dr desperate
Can’t answer all your questions, Ex, but the spork and bubblewrap are small enough to be concealed in an inside pocket until needed, along with my Adam Boyle hooter and roadie whistle. I usually hand out spare AAA laminates to whomever takes my fancy. I’m sorry to say the specs were none of my doing, and that my role as Showsec substitute was fairly minor. (As it happens, Her Majesty is campaigning for me to stop taking so much rubbish into HMHB gigs, as well as toothbrushes into Squeeze, red wedges into Billy Bragg, etc etc.) In conclusion, I don’t care to belong to any inner circle that would have me as a member.
23 November 2016
Mr ed
I bet you would be lost without your inside pocket Dr D.
23 November 2016
hendrix-tattoo
Exxo, Your virtual 3-D experience post was so real, When I got to the letter ‘K’ a image entered my mind of someone holding up a dead Seal. I also think Dr.D would have no trouble, Smuggling in a problem Chimp into any venue HMHB are playing.
23 November 2016
Peter mcornotholgist
@ Bobby. Maybe you could arrange a wee tag team event ? Ourselves against Dorsey and Ian ‘Sludge’ Lees .
23 November 2016
BOBBY SVARC
Dorsey, The man with three names.
23 November 2016
Paul f
A “dead Seal” HT? Who was the Killer?
23 November 2016
hendrix-tattoo
Paul, It was the girl.
23 November 2016
EXXO
As Dr. D shows us, H-tat, there’s a thin line between the innocent contents of an inside pocket and a long list of public order offences.
You can usually find a dead seal on Blackpool beach after a decent gale, just like sanderling on the Dee estuary, but we’ve got to think about the smell, etc. Taxidermy anyone?
23 November 2016
BOBBY SVARC
I can knock up an ice rink for a model village.
23 November 2016
hendrix-tattoo
The band won’t play it, No Keyboards.
24 November 2016
dr desperate
Having realised that the victims were two and the same, I’m beginning to worry that there may have been some sort of link between Drumstick- and Twat-gate, possibly echoing the plot of Ted Lewis’s 1970 novel ‘Jack’s Return Home’ (not the Tony Hancock play). You’ll recall that the book centred on a vicious crime perpetrated in Lincolnshire, and that in the 1971 film the victim’s brother travels to Newcastle to seek revenge. My concern is for one of the front barrier crew, as the name of that film was ‘Get Carter’.
24 November 2016
Chris The Siteowner
God this site just gets better and better.
24 November 2016
EXXO
@H-Tat. Bring keyboards as well.
Seriously, a keyboardist HMHB fan who also doubled as a promoter at a venue with a pop-up Wurlitzer would stand a very good chance, and I have that on the best authority.
24 November 2016
hendrix-tattoo
Exxo, It was one of those ‘where is the delete button moments’ What was I thinking Dr. D smuggling a problem chimp into a venue. A chimp also could play the keyboards a lot better than I ever could.
Let’s hope that one of the front barrier crew in Leeds does not look like Alf Roberts Dr. D.
24 November 2016
CARRIE ANNE
Re: front barrier crew @Dr D. Brilliant! @ H-Tat. If this were any other interweb forum, I would now be spelling out my laugh.
24 November 2016
Idiots and pigeons
Bit late i know, but did anybody notice the inclusion of the schoolyard rhyme in Tragedy?
1 December 2016
dr desperate
“When your balls get stuck in a great big truck”? I thought those were the original lyrics, explaining the Gibbs’ vocal register.
1 December 2016
dr desperate
And on the subject of bubblewrap, it’s now over 8 years since GUB was played live (16.10.08, Forum Kentish Town since you ask). I have a dream, in which Nigel comes back onstage for the encores at, say, Leeds to find a whole roomful of people holding aloft and popping pieces of bubblewrap. It would be like a silent protest, only not silent.
5 December 2016
EXXO
It’s an open invitation to join The King in a “We’ve got three thousand bubbles and there’s only four of HMHB” scenario.
“I’m gonna tiptoe To the front row Of the next show With a supersize jiffy bag…”
“Oven gloves, spork and glasses, asparagus, bubblewrap, balloooooons.”
5 December 2016
Phyllis Triggs
Careful now, lest we get too enthusiastic and end up with a Rocky Horror Picture Show scenario…
5 December 2016
BOBBY SVARC
I hate that bubblewrap song and I’m not alone.
5 December 2016
hendrix-tattoo
I have a dream, in which Nigel comes back onstage for the encores at, say, Leeds to find a whole roomful of people holding aloft lifesize cardboard cutout’s of Nerys Hughes.
As told to a. Boyle
Fun night in the park. Nod to Mr. Cohen. “Mind those swans”.
18 November 2016
TAYLO
It was like I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here! We had to walk round the lake in the dark on a rope bridge! Tragedy the cover version.
19 November 2016
Bobby svarc
Any crowd trouble?
19 November 2016
EXXO
And any news on t-shirt sales?
And with no t-shirts in your size
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
19 November 2016
Vendor of quack nostrums
The Palace of Arts is an odd structure, started many years ago, much loved and respected by those who understand its idiosyncrasies, never quite mainstream, evolving its use over the years, appealing to a smallish group of obsessives, once military vehicle enthusiasts, now the modern Camra Men, so it was, without doubt, an appropriate setting for a gathering of Biscuiteers.
Exhibition Park, in which the Palace sits, is a pleasant, family focused space near the centre of Newcastle. Not that you’d realise that on a dark November evening when a woeful lack of illumination and signage resulted in a conga line of confused 50 somethings leaving their collective perambulation comfort zones as they stumbled towards their destination. Literally kept in the dark about the venue. Secret gig space more than a Secret Gig. Not sure if anyone actually met an untimely end but I may have seen a whale-like object, dressed in a Dukla Prague Away Kit, sadly floating by, on the boating lake, on the way out.
Anyway, wristband firmly secured, scan the merch stand, then onto the first of three bars. Pint of Rakau. You can really taste the single hop. And the grapefruit. Hint of melon. Undertone of kiwi fruit. That kind of thing. And then into the central hall. (Follow the signs to the toilet. Yes, that’s right, all patrons through that narrow door and take an immediate sharp left. My H&S radar was twitching and beeping alarmingly by the time we entered the round, highly domed central hall). Acoustically interesting things domes are. You couldn’t hear the person next to you but you could pick up conversations coming from gawd knows where.
I didn’t type out the set list, content to just listen and enjoy and occasionally lever unthinking types out of the way of the Missus who, on occasions like this, often appears to become invisible. Still she enjoyed it. Happy that there was lots of ‘early stuff’ she could sing along to and film in order to stick up on Facepaint or wherever later on, as part of the ongoing effort to make us look varied and interesting. Me, I sang along to everything, enjoying being surrounded by other word perfect obsessives. Lots to enjoy, particularly Evening Sun, Gok Wan, Hornbeam, Lark Descending, AOR and A Lilac HQ. Two hours of bliss.
We learnt a few things. Nigel’s only been camping once. He’s not really an outdoors type, just likes a walk then gets himself home. Got stuck in Durham once trying to get back from Spennymoor. Important stuff. The route to the gig was clearly outlined in detail, it’s not the way I’d have gone but I’m sure mileage charts were consulted. An AA gazetteer update too: Durham – Nice Cathedral, shit services.
So away home. Ears ringing. Feet hurting. Eyes drooping. Throat sore. Soul nourished. Unlike the stomach however. The venue promised Asian street food and small plate British Tapas. They obviously kept these well hidden. Had to resort to cheese, crackers and Bombay Mix on returning home. It did the job I guess and somehow seemed an appropriate post-Biscuit repast, no pretentious bollocks just traditional British Fayre.
19 November 2016
BOBBY SVARC
They went like hot cakes, the queues at Geoff’s Mini-Mart started at 6.30pm, It got a bit unpleasant when someone started a vicious rumour that Jimmy Fivebellies had bought all of the XXXL’s.
19 November 2016
Vendor of quack nostrums
Drumstick update. Previous incidents had obviously concerned the band deeply as they went to the bother of manufacturing an expensive looking sign stating that no more drumsticks would be forthcoming until we all learnt to love each other. A grand gesture as expense of said sign obviously used up a significant part of the evening’s profits.
Crowd trouble? A bit of handbags. If only people could grasp that subtle difference between moshing with those who want to mosh and randomly pushing unsuspecting people over.
19 November 2016
Phyllis Triggs
Vendor – Fantastic! Thanks for posting that. You’ve really brightened up a sad morning spent (mainly on hold) trying to get an explanation as to why I have a seat booked on a train that no longer exists (not even as a bus replacement service) and what are they going to do about it (answer: nothing). Love the image of the whale-like object dressed in Dukla Prague Away Kit! Shame I couldn’t be there last night but am looking forward to Leeds – a more traditional venue. Cheers:)
19 November 2016
Jitsu_g
Great night. I am now the proud owner of the drum stick sign. Neil was kind enough to fetch it for me after the gig
19 November 2016
Mr ed
Fantastic evening. A few great beers beforehand with discussions about Scottish cuisine, then a fantastic gig. Slight downer from one idiot getting a bit too excited, the King of High Viz gave as good as he got to sort it out. After that another beer before the bar closed.
I managed to lose my hat in the gig so ended up getting an Uber back to the Premier Inn in the centre. Gutted that I can’t make Leeds but looking forward to Coventry and Bilston. Bring on 2017.
19 November 2016
Eric olthwaite
I hope I never lose my hat. Don’t want to get an Uber.
19 November 2016
Eric olthwaite
I hope I never lose my hat. Don’t want to get an Uber.
19 November 2016
Swiss
A good night in an odd venue with an unlit winding footpath around a lake just to get to the door. Im sure it will feature in some future song. Plenty of old stuff Dukla Prague Away Kit , Joy Division Oven Gloves, Trumpton Riots, Out Break of Vitas Geraliatis, Vatican Broadside, 99% of Gargoyles look like Bob Todd, National Shite Day, Gok Wan Acolytes, Bob Wilson Anchor Man, Whit Week Malarky, When the Sun Goes Down, Built this Village on Trad Arr. Tunes, Shit Arm, Bad Tattoo etc also a brief nod to Leonard Cohen.
Running debate on travel from Birkenhead to Newcastle including variations to the route and where to stop. Kirkby Stephen lost out to services at Durham.
The Bloke that sets up the PA enjoyed a large plate of food while the lap top did the work.
20 November 2016
POOR tOM
We dropped off our bags at the hotel near Jesmond metro, all very leafy and affluent, and headed out into a Black Mirroresque world where everybody is twenty-one years old and lives forever on a diet of Waitrose alcohol carry-outs. The taxi driver took us as close to the venue as he could get, the exhibition park gates, with only the constellation Orion and the floodlit brewery dome to guide us. Newcastle is a very up and down city. What should have been a gentle ten minute stroll took twice as long due to regular COPD breaks, which must have tested the patience of my companion. While his heart fluttered with anticipation of seeing the Biscuits live mine was bursting out of my chest at each 25 percent gradient.
Great venue, great beers, and the band gave their all for two hours to an appreciative sing-along audience. Nigel is an engaging and idiocyncratic frontman but I couldn’t take my eyes of Neil’s world weary poker faced bass playing. Having recently taken up the bass myself (Smoke on the Water and Cream’s Sunshine of your Love at half speed thus far) his thunderous blurry fingers held me mesmerised and inspired. I’m no longer a miner as of today.
20 November 2016
Chris The Siteowner
No more drumsticks (Cheers Jitsu_G!)
20 November 2016
hendrix-tattoo
Some nice chap uploaded this to You-Tube.
https://youtu.be/YwS3NYTvs8s
20 November 2016
Jitsu_g
You nearly had Nigels eye out with your spork Dr D
20 November 2016
dr desperate
To begin at the end: sincere apologies to the hundreds of people in the cloakroom queue, which I effortlessly jumped without noticing it was there. Blame it on the fact that the venue is a brewery, though probably the most splendid one I’ve ever visited. If you’ve never visited, Coleridge’s ‘Kubla Khan’ would give you a rough idea of the set-up, though I’m sure his stately pleasure-dome couldn’t boast a photo-booth emblazoned with a quote from Steely Dan.
The usual crews were in evidence on our arrival, Roger’s chatting easily to Neil, the bassist, about band trips to Holland before the days of ‘own bog, own bed’. No Exxo, unfortunately, or Hendrix-Tat, but Jay was there with Roy Wood (may not contain Roy Wood), as was Lee, back from the land Down Under. Diggory Venn had made it over from the IOM hoorah, but we’ll have to wait till Leeds for the return of Thorsten aus Hamburg.
Sonnenberg did a magical Sonnenberg set, then it was the incidental music from ‘The Big Country’ and we were off with ALHQ.
I have nothing much to add to Roger’s peerless review (which I’m sure will find its way here soon), except to say that the spork thrown at Nigel during SUAH (see [8.28] in the YouTube above) was my spork, and that the elbow dug into the kidneys of the troublemakers during NSD was my elbow. If they’re not experiencing haematuria by now, all the hours I spent in anatomy lectures were wasted. A no-drumstick situation for them, but props to Idiots & Pigeons for his spirited defence of Little Miss Poundbury during the fracas.
Nigel’s UBIK aerosol-can t-shirt was a continuation of his Philip K Dick campaign by other means. He did the Sturmey-Archer hand and the (non-Trotskyite) forehead pick manoeuvres, and brought out the Airstream guitar for TBOC, which as usual also featured the Neil/Ken axeswap. Neil informed him that his effects pedal’s middle switch controlled the volume, “So now we both know”.
Following a call from Diggory Venn, he was impressive on the Isle of Man, mentioning that the Laxey Wheel’s real name is The Lady Isabella (but not that it was designed by Robert ‘No Relation’ Casement).
BW,A was about The Boy Primrose (Bob Wilson’s middle name, as we know), and Marilyn Monroe was not a slag, though I failed to catch how she’s now described. I must admit I missed the substitution of ‘favourite blue raincoat’ for ‘brown anorak’ in 1966.
As far as I can recall, the ‘Winter Wonderland’ – tuned fragment about posh golf clubs went:
“Bacon rolls on arrival
Won’t ensure your survival
I’m not going to play something something something
Even though the kids are back at school”.
Any advance, anyone?
The glaucoma chat at the end led to the mention that Nigel’s dad had died in June. RIP.
On to Leeds!
20 November 2016
CARRIE ANNE
Another epic review from lovely Roger, as swiped from Gez’s website.
Newcastle Wylam Brewery, Fri 18th November 2016 (19/11/16)
Roger Green:
Sorry I didn’t realise this at the time, but a hearty round of applause goes to Daz who reached his half-century of HMHB shows at Lincoln in October. He likes a good night out, does Darren. So I asked him how many of them he could actually remember. “About twenty-four” was his reply.
By HMHB standards, there was a media blitz in The Guide section of The Guardian. This constituted a quarter-page ad for the forthcoming shows. The graphic was the picture of Neil from the front cover of Urge For Offal, with a list of the forthcoming gigs. It was a bit confusing for the completists, though, as the Bilston and Coventry dates were missing. Maybe The Gig Cartel were only plugging their own stuff. I did my best as well. I managed to get Chris Hawkins to mention this one when asking for a request in the 5.15 slot on his 6 Music show.
Thanks to Karen for noting a comment by a TV continuity announcer. “Coming up, brand new Live At The Apollo.” Where have we heard that before? And I was pleased to note the incident where a dog was on the field at the India v England test match. A mash-up there between Even Men With Steel Hearts and Them’s The Vagaries. What a great pleasure five-day tests can be.
The gap between the Lincoln gig and this one in Newcastle was minimal by the usual HMHB standard. Not much to report at all, although I was pleasantly surprised by the fine form shown by The Monochrome Set at their show in Sheffield. Karen also let me know about an appearance by The Singer Out Of Slipknot on QI. I’ve always struggled with that programme. This episode was the same as any others that I have seen. I made it as far as the bit where they test out the buzzers. Then I was on my way. I would like to think that Ross Noble led a sing song of Vatican Broadside. But I can’t confirm either way.
We also had a night out in Goole (while holding back on the suicide pact) to see a splendid turn, The Warsaw Village Band. Dub Polish Folk, if you will. They are in the See Again file. We also happened upon a few minutes of the Absolute Radio Indie Disco. For those who like their Saturday nights in. Of course, there are some very flexible interpretations of “indie” (we heard Oasis, Blur and St Etienne among others). No doubt HMHB will appear sooner or later.
Bad news about Howie double-booking for this evening. Very careless. In his absence, and to ensure that he was there in spirit, he sent me a note when he was travelling on a train between Harrogate and Leeds. Howie was wearing a Trouble Over Bridgwater t-shirt. He takes up the story…. “The guard comes round doing tickets and instead of the customary ‘Tickets Please’ he says ‘Everybody’s doing the Len Ganley Stance’. Cue quick chat about HMHB, revealing that his fave track is Dukla Prague and he didn’t know HMHB were still going. That happens a lot! I’ve genned him up on the Leeds gig.” Good work, Howie. You would have made short work of the bar at this place.
This was a new venue to us, and its location looked slightly complicated on the map. So Karen and I undertook some afternoon reconnaissance work. The building is right in the middle of a park on the edge of the city. A fair walk from the centre. We thought we had got it sussed, although we ended up making our way out a totally different way at the end of the evening. Mental note to selves: next time we take some night-time navigation equipment. And some infra-red sight gear, to avoid those swans, particularly if there are cygnets around.
We found our way back to the venue with Tony, and met Jordan and Sally who, as always, were there before us. Good to see Geoff back behind the counter at the shop. He reported that sales of And Some Fell On Stony Ground were going well. And I took possession of the recently available t-shirt. XXXL these days. I also caught up with Craig, who said he was too old for the mosh pit. That’s two of us. There is plenty of safe space nearby though, Craig. John, Graham and Jay were other early arrivals, and we had a chat with Neil who shared tales from the band’s early days and about vintage football shirts from Toffs. I wasn’t aware that Neil had drawn the cover of the Trumpton Riots / Dukla Prague single.
Just ahead of the doors opening at 7 o’clock, we were joined in the queue by Mr Nigel Blackwell. Not sure what he was doing there, to be honest. He told us that he had gone out to buy a sandwich, and had also had difficulty finding his way through the park. Not just us, then. And then we realised that it wasn’t just entry with ticket. We had to go back outside into the cold (after we had deposited coats in the cloakroom, I hasten to add) in order to get the obligatory wristband.
Once all the administration was sorted, we were back into the warmth of the great hall. It was an unusually shaped room, with a tall dome. The only other similar space that I know is The Corn Exchange in Leeds, if you are familiar with that. Bit smaller, but much the same design. There was the bonus of being able to stand right up to the stage. Although as it turned out, that was not such a positive, as I didn’t pick up all of Nigel’s observations (thanks as usual to Tony and Karen for helping out there). Although I did pick up some interesting music being played before the bands started. Linton Kwesi Johnson, Gil Scott Heron and Lou Reed were all featured. Pete from Worksop joined the end of our defensive wall with tales of the joys of retirement. John would have won the Best T-Shirt award for his Straight Outta Trumpton number, but I am awarding it instead to myself and anyone else wearing And Some Fell On Stony Ground. Still no prizes though. It’s just for fun. Also there was a good effort from Lee, doing his best to be Warden Hodges, complete with ARP helmet. Gomez and Daz were there in good time (that doesn’t always happen). And Hello to Alex, for whom this was the first of many HMHB shows.
Special mention for the sheet draped over one of the amps. Written on it was “No more drum sticks until you learn to love each other.” This referred to the dispute at the end of the gig at Lincoln. Carl had thrown his sticks into the crowd but the intended recipient found himself in a tussle to keep hold.
The Gig Cartel must be a very high-discipline operation. They had a (typed out) running order on stage, for the acts to see. Doors 19.00 (didn’t realise they were still going), Support 20.20 to 20.50, Half Man Half Biscuit 21.00, Curfew 23.00. Everything ran like that almost to the minute. Maybe there are penalty clauses if you run late. “Support” was Sonnenberg who appeared at the allotted time. They are constantly changing their line-up. Tonight they had Zinny singing and playing guitar as usual. Saul playing the tabla as previously. And a lady backing vocalist, and a guy playing viola. The people who know about these things assured me it was a viola rather than a violin. They have definitely dropped my favourite, Sweet Sweet Life, from their set, but they still managed to get through six songs before the timekeepers gave them the push.
Beautiful Morning
Dancer
War Song
Into The Light
What Goes Round
Better Together
The band battled well against the general yatter from the crowd (Zinny asked “Can you hear us?”) I suppose they get used to that. But I heard Zinny’s comment: “Stay positive. Brexit and all that. Trump and all that.” A short but sweet set. Another song was included on their list, but they were ushered from the stage by dedicated venue management who were keen to stick to the schedule.
There was an enthusiastic welcome for HMHB as they entered the stage to music from the soundtrack of The Big Country. Neil was wearing a Ruts t-shirt. Nigel was in a UBIK t-shirt. A campaigning group for dyslexic Brexit supporters? Well no, apparently it’s a novel by Philip K Dick.
After a couple of songs, Nigel said to Neil, “Lisa Stansfield, from Rochdale. Gracie Fields, real name Gracie Stansfield. Also from Rochdale. No relation. It’s not as small a world as you might think.” Nigel also made an early request for “more vocals in the monitor, please” as well as pondering on why a spork is so called. Quite rightly, he wondered why it isn’t called a foon instead. He dispelled the myth that he is an “outdoors” person. He said the only time he went camping was in Tenby in 1985. The tent leaked and he ended up sleeping in a Ford Capri for the rest of the week. Nowadays, Nigel just does Grade One scrambles at most, and always looks to get back home afterwards, rather than staying out. He phoned the president of The Ramblers Association, but he wouldn’t come to the phone.
There was a shout for £24.99 From Argos. Nigel said he would be happy to do that, but the others couldn’t play it. His response to the guy who shouted out was to say “That shirt looks like £2.99 from Primark.” He also suggested that the heckler does not allow a chameleon to walk over it, because it would die of exhaustion. He also said that the shirt would get a better reception with an outside aerial. There was yet more reference to it during “Dukla Prague”. The dodgy transformer cost £3.10, “which was more expensive than your shirt.”
There followed talk about the band’s route to the gig. “Unusually we came out of the Wallasey Tunnel, and went on the M6 and then A66. We were going to stop at Kirkby Stephen, but didn’t in the end. We stopped at Durham Services instead, because they just wanted a cup of tea.” Nigel said he called in at Durham on his way to a match at Spennymoor. His ultimate comment on Durham was “Great cathedral. Shit services.”
We also had a bit of a song which was a tribute to Len Cohen. Sorry, didn’t recognise it. Also there was a message to posh golf clubs in the winter. To the tune of Winter Wonderland, the opening line was “Bacon rolls on arrival” and the gist was “stick to the municipals”. In response to a request for Nerys Hughes, Nigel gave a blast of the opening riff, and there was a bit of the Pointless theme also in there.
Tony enquired why Phillipines is spelt with “Ph”, but Filipinos begins with “F”. Nigel suggested that Tony should have the microphone and is worth a fiver of your ticket money alone. I thought there could have been a reference to Mansfield’s very own Steve Evans in Lark Descending. Nancy Kominsky was the guest interfering with the ski lodge in Vitas Gerulaitis.
Nigel was unsure of the answer when Jordan asked him what the middle button on his foot pedal was for. “Volume, I think,” he said before consulting with Neil. There was a shout for Sealclubbing. “Yeah, that’s one of ours.” Bob Wilson Anchorman was introduced. “This is about the boy Primrose.” At one point Nigel’s guitar lead came unplugged. “Happens every time, that,” he said.
There was, it must be said, a little bit of unpleasantness during National Shite Day. At these things you might expect a little bit of a-pushing and a-shoving, but I’ve never quite understood why it ever needs to go beyond that. Sad but true.
I’m not sure why this happened, but Nigel was handed a pair of glasses to try on. He then said that he qualifies for free eye tests because glaucoma runs in the family, “but I’m not sure how they check that’s true.”
In 1966 And All That, the brown anorak was replaced by “favourite blue raincoat”. When the band came back for the encore, Nigel noticed that John was holding up some bubblewrap. No song accordingly though. The caravan guitar was brought out for Bain Of Constance. Someone shouted that the band had been on American Pickers. There was also a request for them to come and play the Isle Of Man. Nigel said he no longer travels by air or sea, but talked about 1972 when he did visit the Island. He was on a train trip around the island and went to see a recording of It’s A Knockout at Noble’s Park in Onchan.
Thanks to John for raiding the stage after the gig and handing over one of the setlists to Karen. An audit showed us that the band had originally planned to play Bad Wools and Chatteris. And Vatican Broadside does not appear on the set list (which was written on a page torn out of a 2001 desk diary), but was played. HMHB performed the following…
A Lilac Harry Quinn
Stuck Up A Hornbeam
When The Evening Sun Goes Down
Shit Arm Bad Tattoo
Fuckin’ ‘Ell It’s Fred Titmus
Whit Week Malarkey
99% Of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd
Lark Descending
If I Had Possession Over Pancake Day
Outbreak Of Vitas Gerulaitis
All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit
Bob Wilson Anchor Man
Old Age Killed My Teenage Bride
Vatican Broadside
National Shite Day
Fix It So She Dreams Of Me
Look Dad No Tunes
Joy Division Oven Gloves
1966 And All That
Trumpton Riots
We Built This Village On A Trad Arr Tune
Everything’s AOR
And in the encore
Bane Of Constance
Tragedy
Time Flies By When You’re The Driver Of A Train
The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Is The Light Of An Oncoming Train
We had a chat with Graham and Sarah, and then Ian and Mariana afterwards, and headed back through the darkness, again skilfully avoiding the swans on the lake. They can break your arm, you know. Then onwards to York the following night for an hour or so in the company of Mark E Smith and what currently constitutes The Fall.
20 November 2016
hendrix-tattoo
Excellent Review@Dr.Desperate.
20 November 2016
Peter mcornotholgist
Going back to youth. I think that beneath the brewery there may exist tunnels which took coal from ancient mines down to the Tyne
20 November 2016
Vendor of quack nostrums
Victoria Tunnel, Peter.
Well worth a visit. Used as an air raid shelter by our ancestors as well.
Tours available, although currently their website appears to be deed.
20 November 2016
Peter mcornotholgist
Thank you Vendor.
20 November 2016
Idiots and pigeons
After a 3:45am awakening and a grueling 6 AND A HALF HOURS ON THE COACH we arrived in Newcastle, feigning interest in the architecture and accent (Michael from “I’m Alan Partridge” quotes/paraphrases aplenty) all we wanted to do was a nice bit of sleep. The hotel was found and my heart skipped a beat upon noticing a large selection of cakes on the welcome desk, I soon realised these were only there to raise funds for the Nation’s favorite guilt trip.
Doors open at 6 was stated on the ticket so we made our way hastily in the general direction of the venue, via a pre-gig snack. A ‘gourmet sandwich’ and some re-re-reheated fries and we were meandering through the City Centre. Aided by our good friend Google Maps. We arrived at the brewery (being mindful of the swans en route) around 5:30pm just in time to hear the soundcheck. A brief chat with Jay and after falling the victim of £4 shots of tequila we sat waiting near the doors. Carl noticed us and come over to apologise over ‘Drumstickgate’ to which we insisted he had nothing to apologise for.
Soon after we noticed NB10 talking to Geoff both wanting to say hello but also not wanting to disturb him we nervously approached, “ah good to see ya” he grinned. Before regaling us with undoubtedly the most enthralling tale of anyone’s motorway journey ever. He also mentioned Ken doing the Chuck Berry ‘goose walk’, I informed him that the nonagenarian Mr. Berry is recording a new album so he shouldn’t have any plans of stopping yet. He virtually confirmed this by saying “it’s all he can do” and that “in an emergency he can change a light bulb”. Soon enough we bade him farewell as he ventured off into the night to purchase some chips (sad to see he only managed to source a sandwich and crisps).
Saw the lovely Tony, Roger and Karen on their way in. Astounded by the lack of barrier and seemingly non-existent security we secured our place in front NB’s mic and awaited the arrival of Sonnenberg.
A very quiet set further compounded by rude sections of the audience meant even at the front we struggled to hear, the chap on viola may have been miming for all we know!
Was nice to have a little chat with hi-viz, I feel we are slowly but surely being accepted into the inner circle of Biscuiteers, this first came to our attention after Lincoln when I noticed we were name checked in Roger’s review. The Biscuiteering equivalent of being awarded an MBE.
I must own up to being the ‘nice chap’ who uploaded the opening two songs to YT, I have lots more footage if anybody wants me to upload, I feel i should tell you all know though there is it a lot of screaming and wobbly camera moments from my respective excitement / dancing. Seemed to be a very peaceful crowd until the opening chords of NSD caused an unruly oaf to shower myself and hi-viz in his overpriced pint, before proceeding to shove me into my partner over and over again, when she asked him to stop he shoved the back of her head. When he’s done it again I’ve reacted (what i deem to be) suitably. After the altercation being diffused by the veteran attendees, we continued to dance. The shoves returned moments later, the force increased to the highest velocity possible available to the antiquated sinewy limbs of our antagonist. I turned around to politely ask him to **** off, to which he struck a blow to my ‘forrid akin to a moth on a light bulb. The last I saw off him he hand a burly arm around his throat and was being dragged away through the crowd.
Who was the tall balding guest, who saved me from assault? Security? (doubtful) Whoever you are I truly hope you are reading this as I thank you dearly.
There was a beautiful moment where I managed to stroke NB’s silky loafer. Does anybody know of the origins of said loafers? It is the ambition of myself and other to acquire some similar in preparation of the Leeds gig.
Would be nice to get to meet more of you regular posters in the flesh, I am the long haired cat t-shirt wearing man generally to be found hugging the barrier (or not in this case) in front of NB’s mic.
Love you all,
JC
20 November 2016
Bobby svarc
Thank God that Coventry is all seating.
21 November 2016
Mr ed
JC, I too got showered with the beer, what a waste. I was stood right behind you in a Voyage to the Bottom of the Road t-shirt.
Happy to meet up before another gig for a beer. I will be at Coventry and Bilston.
21 November 2016
hendrix-tattoo
Gonna bring a crash helmet for my next gig.
21 November 2016
Peter mcornotholgist
Hey Mr.Tattoo . Treat yourself to a Dyson award winning helmet.
21 November 2016
TAYLO
In response to Dr Desperate the song goes
“Bacon Roll on arrival, doesn’t mean that I’m libel, to patronise you with twelve of me mates, just because the kids are back at school” (and even when you do it’s temporary holes).
I first heard that beauty at The Star and Garter in the late 90’s.
Sorry we didn’t make our presence known more on Friday. Very much an incognito job for me and Loop this gig but thoroughly enjoyed it.
Smallest dressing room since Bath Komedia.
21 November 2016
dr desperate
Thanks Taylo! Was Ginger Biscuit with you?
21 November 2016
dr desperate
@I & P: Since you ask (and not wishing to attract accusations of extractor fandom), I believe the loafers/boat shoes favoured by NB are the Sebago Triton Three Eye in British Tan. Bit pricey, but he may have pestered his Nan to buy them for him.
http://www.sebago.com/UK/en_GB/triton-three-eye/19424M.html
21 November 2016
hendrix-tattoo
@Peter, Think these should be worn as standard at future Gigs. Due to the fisty-cuffs of late, At 4 quid a pop Geoff may sell them on his stall for a fiver maybe?
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/www.standard.co.uk/news/world/folding-paper-bicycle-helmet-wins-2016-james-dyson-award-for-design-a3397776.html%3Famp?client=ms-android-om-lge
21 November 2016
Peter mcornotholgist
NOT MAD ON THAT SHADE. MORE OF A THREATENING PUCE ?
21 November 2016
DIGGORY VENN
Hello everyone.
That was my second HMHB gig after years of remote worship, and it was ridiculously joyous. Well, there was that spot of aggro in the crowd but there are always one or two twats in the ointment, aren’t there? They’re the ones who go through life ‘spoiling it for the rest of the class’. Brick ’em up. On which note, I was beside myself that we got to hear Fix It So She Dreams Of Me – my particular favourite in an embarrassment of riches.
Making my way up to the front at the start, I found Dr Desperate and Mr Ed, who I met at the Cambridge gig in summer – it was nice to see you again, and thanks for being so friendly. I find that going to gigs on your own calls for a deep breath, in fact, it’s one of the few things which – like riding a ghost train – feels like it should really only be done with other people, so I appreciated seeing familiar faces.
Nigel said he won’t play in the Isle of Man as he doesn’t do boats or planes but he didn’t say anything about zipwires, so I remain hopeful.
Til next time x
21 November 2016
TAYLO
The Ginger Biscuit made the journey to the Toon but not the gig. He’s bringing his knuckle dusters to Leeds.
22 November 2016
dr desperate
@DV Twats in the ointment is good. There’s a black sheep in every barrel of apples.
22 November 2016
Bobby svarc
They put on cage fighting at The Empire, maybe I’ll renew my boxing promoters licence and provide a bit of ‘behind closed doors’ entertainment after the encores.
22 November 2016
Chris The Siteowner
Re: Wylam Brewery gig. As a novice, my most successful gig to date. The first attempt had been at my old club in Hebden Bridge, when, despite having a pre-paid member’s ticket, I couldn’t get into the room because the incompetent arseholes on the door let people in with abandon. Was tempted to ring the fire brigade [but desisted, and it’s still my favourite club despite Hebden Bridge being full, as Nigel rightly says, of the “chattering classes”. Great Newcastle set, pity about a tiny minority of arses, and exorbitant prices [why?] in the music room itself. Taxing walk back to the car park!
22 November 2016
Idiots and pigeons
@Bobby svarc I reluctantly offer to step into the cage with any ‘man’ attending who thinks he can hit my dainty partner in the back of the head and guffaw about it, be sure to have an ample supply of Fentiman”s to celebrate my inevitable victory. Also what is this about Coventry being seated? The infallible Google images suggests otherwise?
@Mr Ed that would be very nice not sure I will recognise you, I can remember the tshirt but unfortunately not the face..
22 November 2016
Bill Spliff
As a novice to HMHB gigs, the best yet [apart from minor near stage tossery, and shite bar prices in the auditorium itself, when the same brews were available outside at reasonable prices]. A great phalanx of outdoor heaters for the “smoking” area. I wonder if the crowd who entered through the latter’s door actually saw the gig for free…………
23 November 2016
Bobby svarc
@IAP: All seating for some. My shirts say ‘Iron Only’. See you on the dark side of the M69.
23 November 2016
Brumbiscuit
It’s OT, I know, but I used to see a band called The Redbeards from Texas at JB’s Club in Dudley in the mid-80s. They were four Brummies who very tongue in cheek did what would now be called a ZZ Top tribute act. (Cricket pads & a false, long red beard, anyone?) Anyhoo, they always used to come on stage to The Big Country and every time I hear that music I am taken back in time to the smoky Sunday evenings I (mis)spent. As you were.
Mrs McO RIP.
23 November 2016
EXXO
SICK SSHITWITS and other matters arising.
It’s been great to get so many reports on this gig from different points of view, to gradually build it up into a virtual 3-D experience even for those who weren’t lucky or competent enough to be there ourselves. I have gradually come to feel every shove from the mashed-up mosher and I even feel like I now know all the various entrances and exits should I need to bunk in next time.
As the first reviews came in there were questions in my mind that lurked, like how did the conversation get around to camping and how did Dr. Des get through security with his concealed weapon? But then I realise it sounds like Dr.Des was the de facto security, and that the spork-chucking incident and the camping tales from windy Wales are probably related. Am I doing 2+2 =5 ? So many other notes and queries have emerged from the reviews that I had to jot down a mnemonic to remember them all here. And so maybe if I keep thinking about “SICK SSHITWITS!” I won’t forget anything I wanted to ask about.
The first S is for shoes and the general shoegazing that seemed to have gone on amongst astonished rustics in the audience – but Dr. Des you should know better than to spread rumours that such wealth is being ostentatiously displayed in the Prenton area. Could lead to a spate of burglary. No, the words which spring immediately to mind are T.K. Maxx, £32.99.
Which brings us to I which of course is for Idiots and Pigeons (Jordan?) [I ‘m enjoying the pelmanistic puzzle of piecing together the Biscuitistas’ various stage names and their real ones in some of these reviews]. Jordan (?), your fetishistic ways with shoeleather are disturbing me slightly but not enough to discourage me from saying yes, let’s arrange an I.C. get-together before the Leeds gig. Sounds as if this ‘Inner Circle’ needs infiltratating if only to keep an eye on its activities.
Next the big C question, which has to be about poor old Chatteris and its apparent disposability at the last two gigs, after 11 long years of chugging along , unmoshable but unstoppable. What will Andy do for a piss-break song if this trend continues on into the Midlands gigs next year?
K is to remind me to ask about the King and his Bubblewrap. Surely he shows us the way to go to get our favourites on the list in future. Want to hear a song? Hold up a prop, a sign, or other visual aid! Don’t just shout it out, gig-goers! I actually found a tube of the green Pringles (sour onion, or whatever they;’re really called) in a cupboard recently and I hate that flavour so it seems the obvious way to get rid of them at the Leeds gig. But how to get them past security when you look as shifty as I do? Give them to Dr. Des or his queen of quick wit, possibly?
But how could we really avoid talking about the King at every turn, ‘cos now we come to the double ‘S’ which of course is for spork and specs , both thrown onto the stage somehow. We have been told who was responsible for the former, but even Roger doesn’t know how a pair of specs came to be thrown onto the stage. I can’t help but wonder if they came from the same source, after Nigel mentioned needing a pair of 1.5’s at the last gig? Is Dr. Des trying to break his own record for the number of different HMHB ‘props’ deployed by one man at one gig?
Then @Mr. Ed and @ H-Tat, the H question has to be about your respective HATS . Surely most of us are still wondering why the loss of a Burberry Fez means an immediate UberTaxi home?? Is it a kind of Cinderella Syndrome thing? Don’t leave us any longer in suspenders Mr. Ed.
And @H-Tat! Thanks, I need an economical interim headgear alternative as, after nearly 50 years cycling without bonce protection I’ve started to feel a bit more vulnerable after a senior moment led to a bash of head on tarmac a couple of months ago, and the one I ordered 6 weeks ago now shows no sign of arriving.
Question I is of course about the intriguing “Incognito job” referred to in @Taylo’s comment. Are we to infer that in the intimate confines of the dressing room parping plans were being laid for Leeds? The question has to be asked. Though maybe the answer is best left as a yuletide surprise?
Question T is just a “why not?” question about those T-shirts . @Roger is gospel true always, it was t-shirt of the night, t –shirt of the month and it will be t-shirt of the year. So even if you haven’t bought the CD ‘cos money’s tight and you already have all the tracks, well why not get the shirt in Leeds or get one for someone you love for Xmas? You’ll undoubtedly reap what you sow.
W – great to see the Wallasey Tunnel get a mention in Roger’s review, and get the band’s toll money for a change. I lined up with the school to see her Liziness open it, majestically she did it too of course, on a long, warm and very tedious day in 1971, so good to see it gets used occasionally. And it certainly provides the finest way to the Toon from Ken’s house: M6, A683, A666, the ‘highway to hell’, or Scotch Corner anyhow. Quality routing, the exact same mileage with none of the risks associated with M60/M62, so no questions there your honour.
I is for Inner Circle , AKA the front barrier huggers. Is there a secret handshake to get a spot at the front? Just thought I’d mention them again, and ask (see the pre-gig thread) whether Hedley Verity then the Fenton (AKA ‘the Shane’), then the Fenton again afterwards could that be the plan for Leeds? Cut to the pre-gig thread.
The next T has to be for the twat(s) in the broth – sounds like he/they were nicely dealt with by fellow punters, but my main question arising would be simply … how good is it to hear from Vendor on here after quite a while? Another twat-related question does lurk in the corner however, and that is … how is Carl going to know when we have all learned to love each other unless he gives out a tentative drumstick or two? And is punishing Newcastle for the sins of New Holland really going to do the trick? However all in all I’m thinking that if some band members are so sensitive to such matters we ought to not make such a big deal of them in the reviews. The drunken twats have often piled in over the years and have often caused minor injury to members of the audience, including the smaller ones, but have not been quite as fussed about as in recent reports.
So that’s it SICK SSHITWITShas done the trick and I think I’ve remembered all me questions, queries and matters arising from the minutes. The final ‘s’ question was going to be about Mick’s ‘seats’ shocker about the Cov gig, which had me worried for a while, but thankfully it’s already been cleared up above.
All answers and further clarifications welcome.
23 November 2016
Mr ed
WRT the hat. It was very cold, hence the hat in the first place. Far too cold to walk for half an hour for the sake of a few quid on a cab. Much as I like walking, I dislike having cold tabs even more.
23 November 2016
EXXO
As I thought: classic ‘Cinderella Syndrome’ and associated denial.
Thanks for confirmation.
23 November 2016
dr desperate
Can’t answer all your questions, Ex, but the spork and bubblewrap are small enough to be concealed in an inside pocket until needed, along with my Adam Boyle hooter and roadie whistle. I usually hand out spare AAA laminates to whomever takes my fancy. I’m sorry to say the specs were none of my doing, and that my role as Showsec substitute was fairly minor.
(As it happens, Her Majesty is campaigning for me to stop taking so much rubbish into HMHB gigs, as well as toothbrushes into Squeeze, red wedges into Billy Bragg, etc etc.)
In conclusion, I don’t care to belong to any inner circle that would have me as a member.
23 November 2016
Mr ed
I bet you would be lost without your inside pocket Dr D.
23 November 2016
hendrix-tattoo
Exxo, Your virtual 3-D experience post was so real, When I got to the letter ‘K’ a image entered my mind of someone holding up a dead Seal.
I also think Dr.D would have no trouble, Smuggling in a problem Chimp into any venue HMHB are playing.
23 November 2016
Peter mcornotholgist
@ Bobby. Maybe you could arrange a wee tag team event ? Ourselves against Dorsey and Ian ‘Sludge’ Lees .
23 November 2016
BOBBY SVARC
Dorsey, The man with three names.
23 November 2016
Paul f
A “dead Seal” HT? Who was the Killer?
23 November 2016
hendrix-tattoo
Paul, It was the girl.
23 November 2016
EXXO
As Dr. D shows us, H-tat, there’s a thin line between the innocent contents of an inside pocket and a long list of public order offences.
You can usually find a dead seal on Blackpool beach after a decent gale, just like sanderling on the Dee estuary, but we’ve got to think about the smell, etc. Taxidermy anyone?
23 November 2016
BOBBY SVARC
I can knock up an ice rink for a model village.
23 November 2016
hendrix-tattoo
The band won’t play it, No Keyboards.
24 November 2016
dr desperate
Having realised that the victims were two and the same, I’m beginning to worry that there may have been some sort of link between Drumstick- and Twat-gate, possibly echoing the plot of Ted Lewis’s 1970 novel ‘Jack’s Return Home’ (not the Tony Hancock play).
You’ll recall that the book centred on a vicious crime perpetrated in Lincolnshire, and that in the 1971 film the victim’s brother travels to Newcastle to seek revenge.
My concern is for one of the front barrier crew, as the name of that film was ‘Get Carter’.
24 November 2016
Chris The Siteowner
God this site just gets better and better.
24 November 2016
EXXO
@H-Tat. Bring keyboards as well.
Seriously, a keyboardist HMHB fan who also doubled as a promoter at a venue with a pop-up Wurlitzer would stand a very good chance, and I have that on the best authority.
24 November 2016
hendrix-tattoo
Exxo, It was one of those ‘where is the delete button moments’
What was I thinking Dr. D smuggling a problem chimp into a venue.
A chimp also could play the keyboards a lot better than I ever could.
Let’s hope that one of the front barrier crew in Leeds does not look like Alf Roberts Dr. D.
24 November 2016
CARRIE ANNE
Re: front barrier crew
@Dr D. Brilliant!
@ H-Tat. If this were any other interweb forum, I would now be spelling out my laugh.
24 November 2016
Idiots and pigeons
Bit late i know, but did anybody notice the inclusion of the schoolyard rhyme in Tragedy?
1 December 2016
dr desperate
“When your balls get stuck in a great big truck”?
I thought those were the original lyrics, explaining the Gibbs’ vocal register.
1 December 2016
dr desperate
And on the subject of bubblewrap, it’s now over 8 years since GUB was played live (16.10.08, Forum Kentish Town since you ask).
I have a dream, in which Nigel comes back onstage for the encores at, say, Leeds to find a whole roomful of people holding aloft and popping pieces of bubblewrap.
It would be like a silent protest, only not silent.
5 December 2016
EXXO
It’s an open invitation to join The King in a “We’ve got three thousand bubbles and there’s only four of HMHB” scenario.
“I’m gonna tiptoe
To the front row
Of the next show
With a supersize jiffy bag…”
“Oven gloves, spork and glasses, asparagus, bubblewrap, balloooooons.”
5 December 2016
Phyllis Triggs
Careful now, lest we get too enthusiastic and end up with a Rocky Horror Picture Show scenario…
5 December 2016
BOBBY SVARC
I hate that bubblewrap song and I’m not alone.
5 December 2016
hendrix-tattoo
I have a dream, in which Nigel comes back onstage for the encores at, say, Leeds to find a whole roomful of people holding aloft lifesize cardboard cutout’s of Nerys Hughes.
5 December 2016
EXXO
Oh come on mate never give up on your real dream:
http://www.life.org.uk/taxidermy-workshops
Is not too far from
http://farneislanddivers.co.uk/diving-with-seals/
Know what I’m saying: bro’ fist.
5 December 2016
Peter mcornotholgist
Even got Forfarshire incorrect. Oh Grace Darling .
5 December 2016
EXXO
Forfarshire 5 fathoms, East Farne 43
5 December 2016
Peter mcornotholgist
Sublime . Thanks lad.
5 December 2016