That was brilliant – my favourite gig by them – pushing the St David’s Day gig its The Point, Cardiff (circa 2008) in to second place.
Nigel was a man possessed, two covers and – amazingly – he nailed T-Rex’s 20th Century Boy.
6 March 2020
hendrix-tattoo
Excellent Gig 2 Covers played. Hair like Brian May blues was the highlight for me. Roll on Ulverston, Stanley Mortensen….
6 March 2020
twistedkitemike
Good morning, folks.
Another fine evening and a belter of a set-list. The lads were in good form and the sound was decent at the front, where it can be a bit random sometimes.
Early start in studentsville, to accommodate the club night following the important part of the evening. Support was a meat-free offering from The Flux Capacitors, and very edible it was, too.
Marcus Trescothick was spotted in the crowd, amongst a few others. A nod to the current panic in the aisles of Tesco; the “They know where things are in B&Q” verse ended with, “And the loft is full of bog roll.”
Nigel confirmed the route and there were no stopovers. The journey does not take them on the Toll, so Norton Canes was not available. Blasted all the way there. Traffic was light and obviously, the bladders well managed.
Onto the songbook, two covers (as noted) and “Brian May”. Better have a look at that brobdingnagian set-list, because I don’t remember hearing that one for some time if at all. One for the historians. (Once this century – 2006 – Ed)
Anyway, here you go: –
Westward Ho! Evening Sun Bob Wilson Bat Walk Fred T Lilac HQ Restless Legs Colombia Irk Bob Todd Brian May Blues Squabble Terminus Shit Arm Gazebo NSD Part Time Punks (Television Personalities cover) Look Dad Vatican 1966 Bell Rings JDOG DPAK Trad Arr Tune Trumpton ………………………. Paintball Light Tunnel 20th Century Boy (T Rex) AOR
Lots of shouting for Chatteris and unfeasibly, for Precious Mackenzie. I would say unlikely, but bearing in mind we’ve had Brian May, Letters Sent and Dickie Davies in the last three outings, never say never (Mr Bond).
Toodle Pip!
Mike…………………………….
7 March 2020
Bloke out walking the dog
Absolutely brilliant gig! Somehow, the lads seem to get better and better each time.
7 March 2020
John Hobson
Before playing Terminus, Nigel said, I think, that he had been inspired to write the song after reading a Philip K. Dick short story but I couldn’t hear which one. Did anyone hear which it was?
Thanks, John
7 March 2020
Chris The Siteowner
Gotta agree, they do seem to be slowly raising the bar, performance-wise. Not sure how or why. Love it though. Amazing to meet Jim (in the Timor Sea/Offshore Central America/in the South China Sea) over for his first gig since Glastonbury 1986; can any fan have had a longer gap between gigs? Posted a few pics on the hmhb_lyrics Twitter account (do follow).
7 March 2020
GORDON BURNS
Some partial covers… Black Knight (intro by Karl, obvs.) Are Friends Electrics? (Opening lines by Nigel, less obvs.)
But what was the one that Nigel tried and failed?
7 March 2020
hendrix-tattoo
Gordon, Nigel tried to play Papworth because someone in the crowd kept shouting Precious McKenzie at him….
7 March 2020
Jim on terra firma
First HMHB gig since 1986. Wonderful. Now I can die happy.
7 March 2020
Herbert anchovy
John Hobson, it was Cadbury, the Beaver that Lacked. I work with beavers so it stuck in my mind.
7 March 2020
Injured buzzard
@John Hobson. It was “Cadbury, the beaver that lacked”
7 March 2020
Rod E
As Jon B, I was at the point Cardiff 2008 and it was a great night. Last night in Bristol was also a great show. Enjoyed it all very much, hmhb, flux capacitors, the venue and good old Bristol Well worth the journey from West Wales.
7 March 2020
Darren
My first HMHB gig after wanting to see them for so long. Did not disappoint. A fantastic gig full of energy, fun & great songs. Glad to hear Marcus Trescothick and Louise Michin enjoyed it too. Favs were Fred T, JDOG, NSD, DPAK & 1966 which I hadn’t heard for years. Lev Yashin, Ferenc Puskas…classic. Thank you boys.
7 March 2020
Batwalker
I thought Vatican Broadside came after 1966. Not sure about that, though,
7 March 2020
Bloke out walking the dog
Good to meet Hendrix-Tattoo outside Temple Meads this morning. Lovely that you came over to say hello to us and look forward to meeting up again at future gigs.
7 March 2020
hendrix-tattoo
Yeah! Likewise BOWTD your mates jacket is boss….
8 March 2020
Clown in a yaris
Absolutely loved this venue, really small with great sound. Another brilliantly constructed setlist, Westward Ho is such a great opener. Fantastic gig (best one for me so far), fantastic crowd and just a great night alround. So on to the trail of the lonesome pine.
8 March 2020
Fullpelt
Was also at the Point gig in 08 with my mate who got me into HMHB. He’s passed away now so I always try to see them when they play anywhere around Wales and raise a glass for him. I think this was the best I’ve seen them play. The sound from Neil’s bass was incredible and the band were really tight. 1st time on here but I love reading the thoughts of the erudite fanbase of Britain’s greatest band. Bought an Achtung Bono t shirt and Godcore CD from the reasonably priced merch stand. Splendid
8 March 2020
Geoff Unlikely
How pleasing to find that 85% (est) of the crowd knew most of the lyrics to Part-time Punks. Pleasing as well to discover The Bank pub just up from SWX. Well worth a visit if you’re in the vicinity (and not in a crowd of about 50, as the pub is about 10ft by 40ft).
8 March 2020
Jim on terra firma
Geoff Unlikely – re: The Bank – hear hear! I and my scaly mates arrived in Bristol on Thursday – found The Bank – spent too long there, and THEN discovered it was 2 minutes from SWX. The best gig, the best beer…..
Roger Green: HALF MAN HALF BISCUIT AT SWX, BRISTOL – 6 MARCH 2020
So the band has moved into the dynamic world of advertising. Issue 25 of John Robb’s magazine Louder Than War features an eighth-of-page ad for all the gigs covering the remainder of the year. The text is in white lettering over a dark background including the doll as featured in the sleeve artwork of No One Cares About Your Creative Hub So Get Your Fuckin’ Hedge Cut.
In Half Man Half Biscuit Support Act News, I’ve given a listen to Ultracrepidarian Soup, the excellent new album by Humdrum Express. Ian/Humdrum’s songs are not always exact replicas of HMHB’s work, but certainly the likes of Motivational Wall Art are blood cousins. Karen and I were pleased to note that West Wickhams (who were the support act at February’s Northampton show) have a spot at the Long Division Festival in Wakefield in June.
Harking back to an item from the previous show in Northampton, where Nigel said that he ordered tea at a Costa Coffee shop “because it angers them”, I put his theory to the test. The venue for the experiment was Costa’s franchise at Westgate railway station in Wakefield. Disappointingly, my order was met with what might be described as quiet indifference. More importantly, it was dealt with in a very efficient manner. And the pot of tea itself was pretty good. All in all, it was a satisfactory experience. On that basis I’ll be going again. Next time perhaps I will try it with a more provocative “Tea and what are you going to do about it?” manner.
The Sunday morning before this gig, Karen and I wandered round the middle of Chesterfield. Only the betting shops were open at the time. We noticed the Information Centre with script around the outside covering various notables from the area. Gordon Banks was featured (started his playing career with the town’s football team), as were Lady Baden Powell (born nearby), George Stephenson the engineer who moved to Chesterfield in 1838, and Bess Of Hardwick who was financially behind the building of the original Chatsworth House. All of which left us wondering about the omission of everyone’s favourite anchor man Bob Wilson (born in Chesterfield in 1941). In other anchor man news, congratulations to Jim Rosenthal who can add a lifetime achievement award for services from the British Sports Journalism Association, to the glory of being mentioned in a HMHB song. Sticking with Jim, we notice that he now has the gig commentating on Channel 4’s coverage of Crufts.
Sadly this coronavirus bug seems to have taken hold in the country. There have been a few suggestions from Boris and other politicians, to help prevent it spreading. For example, wash your hands for as long as it takes to get through a couple of choruses of Happy Birthday. He didn’t indicate whether he meant the song by Altered Images, or the one by Stevie Wonder. Gideon Coe’s suggestion was far more useful. He reckoned that the job would be done just as well if carried out whilst working your way through Vatican Broadside. That’ll do for me.
We arrived in Bristol in time for a hearty lunch (gammon, egg, chips) followed by a browse round Rough Trade. I knew they had a shop in Nottingham, in addition to their presence in London. But this one was news to me. No HMHB product, as you might expect. But we did find Mike in there, stocking up on his collection.
The papers were similarly bereft. Metro had a review of a live show by Steve Malkmus (actually he prefers to be known as Stephen, if you don’t mind). But they were silent on HMHB’s show. The same applied to the Western Daily Press. It was still pretty much a full house though.
Unusually, we were located quite close to the venue. Just a couple of hundred yards from the Premier Inn. We met Tony in the reception and took the short walk to join the queue. We bumped into Daz and Howie, who were making an evening of it, with a crawl round the pubs of the locality.
Round of applause for Karen, achieving her fiftieth gig. 11th April 2014 was her debut, at Leamington Spa. There was a spate of Hellos. Graham, Sarah, Portsmouth Phil, Andy (with whom I discussed the possibilities of venues in Glasgow), Chris, John, Elizabeth, Matt, Postman Tony (busman’s holiday for him as he went to great lengths to deliver a birthday card to me – thanks also for the pressie of a bottle of water). Graham Le Taxi arrived, just in time for the start of the show.
I also spoke with Michael, who was staffing the Flux Capacitors’ stall. Sadly, their t-shirts didn’t go up to the size required by those of us with the fuller figure. Maybe another time. Next door was an empty space. Miles was a late arrival, having battled against the madness of the motorways, and I was able to distract him as he was setting everything up. There was no gossip to be had, not even anything that might fill that gap at the end of the year, between the Leeds gig and Christmas. I thanked Miles, and let him get on with hanging the t-shirts.
Michael abandoned his salesman role to join Hazel and their drummer (known as “The Flux Capacitors’ Garrison, The Lush Max Harrison”) for the Flux Capacitors set. They had some very interesting walk-on music. It was a speech by Greta Thunberg, mashed up by Fatboy Slim with Right Here Right Now. Greta had been in Bristol the week before. I’m guessing that The Flux Capacitors might have been in attendance.
Michael was wearing a tremendous silver jacket. Wouldn’t have looked out of place on Wheeltappers And Shunters. And in true superstar mode, he had a roadie trotting backwards and forwards, swapping his guitar after nearly every tune. Fairytale Of New Look was introduced by Michael as addressing the problem of going vegan, losing loads of weight and then facing the nightmare of having to buy a whole wardrobe of new clothes. And there was Carcass, dealing with the family forgetting about Grandad’s ashes, until they realised that they had been left in the car when it had been sent to be crushed. It seems that Enid is the name of Michael’s boat.
Vocals are shared between Michael and Hazel. Her performance of Satan (Love Song For Bill Hicks) was a particular highlight. I don’t know if they have permanently dropped Hazel’s poetry from their shows, but I can recommend her collection, I’m Afraid Of The Pig In The City Farm. The band’s CD, Courtesan, is also worth dipping into your pocket.
Thanks to Michael for the set list. Brief and to the point, written on a thin strip of paper, it read… Melt Dr Swim Enid Fairy Satan Carcass
More Hellos in the interval. Ian and Mariana in particular. They have some mates who run a café in Ulverston, which they were suggesting as a drop-in point during the day when HMHB are there. It’s the Fourpence Café on Kings Street. Their business card says they are “famous for our real lemonade, range of homemade products, distinctive dishes, all served in our pleasantly odd surroundings.” That all sounds good enough for me. We’ll put them to the test in April.
Tony was not tested at all by the HMHB walk-on music. He was straight in with Tchaikovsky’s First Piano Concerto. “The first piece of classical music to sell a million records,” he added. Who am I to disagree?
Karl was in a Neu! T-shirt, and Carl was wearing his Super Tit t-shirt, last seen at the Castleton show. We also noticed that Carl had grown a beard. “Are you alright for bags?” Nigel asked, to all in general in the audience. As usual, there was a degree of getting ready. Nigel said to the photographers waiting patiently in the moat between band and crowd “Normally bands walk on stage and start playing straightaway. We don’t do crap like that.” He then struck plenty of poses for them while they took shots during the first couple of songs. “I think that’s the most we’ve had our pictures taken ever,” Nigel added after the photographers had left. “They’ll all look like mugshots. Good job we always have gig haircuts.”
There was an early crowd spot. “Trevor Tainton, ladies and gentlemen!” To balance things up between City and Rovers, Nigel also spotted Alan Warboys later on. Another football comment came after Bob Wilson Anchorman. “I’ve said it before. He was a great goal-keeper though.”
In Renfield’s Afoot, Nigel said the line about bringing a torch and added “But not one of those police torches. It scares the bats.” At the end of the song he noted “True story.” Nigel performed a lot of this show without playing his guitar, instead doing the Mark E Smith / Chuck D patrolling of the stage thing.
He said that the band had travelled straight to Bristol without stopping. “Smart motorways doing their job” (but compare and contrast with Miles’ experience a couple of hours later.) Norton Canes would have been out of the way, and they didn’t bother with Michaelwood (not named after the historian, it would seem.) Nigel had intended to go and see Parasite at the cinema, but then realised that he needed to do his fixed odds coupon at William Hill’s. He opted for a tuna wrap in Queen Square.
There was some ruthless logic from Nigel when he introduced one of the songs by saying “This is about Restless Leg syndrome.” There was a Norman Collier moment when Nigel’s microphone started working intermittently. Great work from the lady doing the sound, who was able to fix up an alternative. And before What Made Colombia Famous, Nigel commented “This is about certain people that I know.”
Here is something that I have never noticed before. I saw the letters “SWX” imprinted on the foot of Karl’s mike stand. I assume this is to prevent any misappropriation of assets. I’ll look out for that at other venues. Nigel proved himself to be an all-round entertainer with a couple of light bulb jokes. “How many A and R men does it take to change a light bulb? Can I get back to you on that one?” And “How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb? It takes a hundred. One to change the light bulb, and the other ninety-nine to sing about how great the old light bulb was.” (I can remember seeing John Cooper Clarke telling that second one when I went to see him thirty or more years ago.)
There were a couple of shouts for Precious Mackenzie, being indirect requests for I Left My Heart In Papworth General. Nigel tried to recall how to play the opening bars. Neil was more successful with the bass line, but they decided to leave it at that. Nigel said “In a similar vein…” before the band played 99% Of Gargoyles.
Nigel spoke a little about the band’s first visit to Bristol when they played at The Tropic Club in the mid-eighties. “After John Peel had just played us. Is it still open?” Apparently not. But the gig does get mentioned on a retro web site about the club. With the problems highlighted in Running Order Squabble Fest, Nigel added “It happens to every band.”
He started talking about a football annual in his possession.There is a picture of Howard Kendall and his girlfriend sitting on top of a Cortina. On the next page, there is Nerys Hughes in a Wales kit. Nigel suggested that she might have been a better player than most of the current Tranmere team.Terminus was inspired by the story Cadbury, The Beaver Who Lacked by Philip K Dick. Nigel may have said “Cadbury, The Beaver That Lacked”.
In response to a shout for Rock ‘n’ Roll Is Full Of Bad Wools, Nigel was engaged in a conversation where he said he got called a “pure wool” by someone in Kirkby. His answer to that was that he could make it into the middle of Liverpool in ten minutes, whereas it would take forty-five minutes from Kirkby.
There was some more celebrity spotting. “Marcus Trescothick, ladies and gentlemen.” Used To Be In Evil Gazebo was “about someone I used to know” and saw Nigel produce the big table-tennis serve. All the subject’s songs are about death, destruction etc, and on this occasion, also Diazepam. There was also specific reference to Pankhurst’s album entering the charts at Number Four. Nigel made out to look impatiently at his watch during the part where the song reverts just to Neil’s bass.
Louise Minchin was spotted by Nigel. “Do you need some more pallets?” he asked, before adding “Did you get the quicklime? He’s not going to bury himself.” Someone asked what she was doing at the gig. Nigel answered “I don’t know. Ask Marcus Trescothick.”
I lost the plot a little when they played Television Personalities’ Part Time Punks. Great song. Great cover version. Look Dad No Tunes was “another true story”. There was a brief playing of the intro of Black Night. Postman Tony got in his shout of “Stanley Mortensen” at the end of 1966 And All That.
A treat for Gary Numan fans… Somebody shouted out “It’s cold outside!” to which Nigel helpfully continued… “And the paint’s peeling off of my walls.” Nigel then told the one about it being so cold that he saw a lawyer walking round with his hands in his own pockets.
Nigel noted that the band had missed a trick by not having face masks available on the merch stall. And hand sanitiser “if you can get hold of it”. HMHB face masks? There’s an idea. During Every Time A Bell Rings, Nigel mimed a yawn on the line about Boardman bikes and the cycle to work scheme. Nigel did a nifty “One Two Three Four” count-in at the start of We Built This Village On A Trad Arr tune.
When the band returned for the encore, Nigel acknowledged a request for Buzzcocks’ Operator’s Manual. In Paintball’s Coming Home, the line was “They know where things are at B And Q / They’ve got a loft full of toilet rolls.” (I suppose that is also a true story by now.)
I caught part of a conversation involving Neil. “He drives the van,” said Nigel. “It’s a lot easier for him now that we have smart motorways. And he’s quite good as well,” he added, turning to Karl, who started playing 20th Century Boy.
At the end of the show Nigel’s farewell message was “Have a good weekend, weatherwise or otherwise” before he placed a Public Service Announcement sign at the front of the stage saying “Now Wash Your Hands”. Thanks to Carl for screwing up his set list and throwing it across the moat. My catch reminded me of my days at mid-off in the under thirteens. Except that I usually dropped the ball on those occasions.
The songs played were Westward Ho! – Massive Letdown When The Evening Sun Goes Down Bob Wilson Anchorman Renfield’s Afoot Fuckin’ ‘Ell It’s Fred Titmus A Lilac Harry Quinn Restless Legs What Made Colombia Famous Irk The Purists Ninety-Nine Per Cent Of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd Hair Like Brian May Blues Running Order Squabble Fest Terminus Shit Arm Bad Tattoo Used To Be In Evil Gazebo National Shite Day Part Time Punks Look Dad No Tunes Vatican Broadside 1966 And All That Every Time A Bell Rings Joy Division Oven Gloves All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit We Built This Village On A Trad Arr Tune The Trumpton Riots
And in the encore Paintball’s Coming Home The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Is The Light Of An Oncoming Train 20th Century Boy Everything’s AOR
Browsing through Carl’s list, I noticed a few amendments. Fred Titmus was not scheduled. Vatican Broadside and 1966 And All That swapped places. Descent Of The Stiperstones was originally included, between Joy Division Oven Gloves and Dukla Prague, but was dropped for some reason. And Paintball’s Coming Home had not been planned. Maybe Nigel was keen to get that line in about toilet rolls in the loft.
Afterwards Karen, Tony, Postman Tony and I retired to the Bay Horse for beer and recollections. To be joined by John. There were also several other attendees round and about. I hope we are all able to re-convene in Ulverston.
8 March 2020
CARRIE ANNE
@CtSO, just because I know you like pedantry, I’ll point out that this gig took place on 6th March 😉
8 March 2020
Chris The Siteowner
Oh brilliant, well done me. Thanks. Good to see you all! For whoever asked, I worked out on the way home that this was my 27th gig (not bad) in 27 years (decent spread) but of course that only gives me an average of 1/year (which is awful).
8 March 2020
Chris The Siteowner
Worth mentioning that Vatican Broadside and 1966 And All That did indeed swap places, but that was because someone shouted out for the former, Nigel decided to do it impromptu, and then noticed as the song finished that it was supposed to be the next but one anyway.
8 March 2020
Borough Surveyor
In another universe they would have played Stiperstones, as planned, and I would be an even happier BS. Bollocko
9 March 2020
dr desperate
A Happy Birthday to Roger (today) and Happy 50th Gig to Karen (Friday)!
A few supplementaries to his exemplary review: CtSO’s and my traditional reply of “Three!” to Flux Capacitor Mike’s query “Any vegans in tonight?” proved incorrect, as the band’s own sound woman was also of the plant-based persuasion, making four. Nigel later referred to her as Colin, and put the malfunctioning microphone she replaced next to his butty box. Mike’s vegan vermilion velvet Docs were not on display, replaced by a pair he’d bought at an auction for 50 quid.
The spotting of Marcus Trescothick triggered NB’s recollection of seeing one of Banger’s wagon wheels and thinking that was how his own mind was sometimes (ie all over the place, presumably. Some may recall Ken’s medical charts being similarly described in 2017).
The “weather-wise or otherwise” sign-off quoted opinionated forecaster Benjamin Franklin.
Great gig but Marcus Trescothick, while name-checked, was not in the crowd. Coincidentally I was at a dinner the following evening with Marcus Trescothick and asked him – he was most bemused by the question but said he wasn’t there.
9 March 2020
dr desperate
I wonder if Nigel watched last week’s University Challenge, the music round of which featured a song that he quoted on Friday.
9 March 2020
FEATURELESS TV PRODUCER STEVE
Cool t-shirt or not, I’m not sure someone whose knowledge concerning the greatest band on the planet can be summed up with the sentence “I remember thinking they had one of the best band names ever when I was a kid in the 80s” is someone I care to do business with, thank you very much.
9 March 2020
Bobby Svarc
Are we to believe Blackwell anymore then? I was at the Lembo gig in 2011 when Mick Coop tried to shake my hand and I told him to **** off. Man, I’m so sorry, whoever you are.
10 March 2020
Warden Hodges
I’m expecting ex-Regional TV presenter now firefighter Beccy Barr at the Ulverston gig.
10 March 2020
cream cheese and chives
If he wanted to continue the cricket theme from Bristol, NB could spot Norman Gifford at Ulverston.
10 March 2020
dr desperate
Of the four spottees at Bristol only Trevor Tainton was born there (Louise Minchin is a Hongkonger). We could see klepto-colleague Christine McVie (née Perfect) at Ulverston.
10 March 2020
hendrix-tattoo
Let’s hope we don’t see Arthur Stanley Jefferson at Ulverston….
10 March 2020
BOBBY SVARC
Big Wes showing up wearing his Half Forest Half Leicester T-Shirt at the May gig would be good
10 March 2020
Ammethyst deceiver
It would be great to see Big Wes there, especially if he was accompanied by the similarly attired Peter Shilton, Alan Rogers and, dare I say it, Andy Impey.
10 March 2020
Amethyst Deceiver
One ‘M’ in Amethyst, of course. But you knew that didn’t you?
10 March 2020
brumbiscuit
As a point of pedantry, the Point gig in Cardiff was 1/3/2007 & remains my second-best ever HMHB gig.
I’m ere cus MES is dead. HMHB fans even more cult festering than the Fall ones – great work!
11 March 2020
hendrix-tattoo
Actually we will see Arthur Stanley and also his partner Oliver Norvell because their statue is outside the Coronation hall….
11 March 2020
dr desperate
It may come up in conversation next month that Ulverston is twinned with Harlem, Georgia.
11 March 2020
dr desperate
Did anyone notice that Nigel was wearing a Scotch tape dispenser on his left wrist? Saves having to worry about where it begins, I suppose.
13 March 2020
Borough surveyor
What does Nigel eat during the gig? Seems to eat something, or is it chewing tobacco. Does he have the mild air of a retail tobacconist I wonder?
He smoked when he had hair?!
13 March 2020
Sean
It was me who shouted for “operators manual” made my evening when he said that was a cracking tune. Great gig cant wait for cheese and grain gig where i will shout for something else.
Jon B
That was brilliant – my favourite gig by them – pushing the St David’s Day gig its The Point, Cardiff (circa 2008) in to second place.
Nigel was a man possessed, two covers and – amazingly – he nailed T-Rex’s 20th Century Boy.
6 March 2020
hendrix-tattoo
Excellent Gig 2 Covers played. Hair like Brian May blues was the highlight for me.
Roll on Ulverston, Stanley Mortensen….
6 March 2020
twistedkitemike
Good morning, folks.
Another fine evening and a belter of a set-list. The lads were in good form and the sound was decent at the front, where it can be a bit random sometimes.
Early start in studentsville, to accommodate the club night following the important part of the evening. Support was a meat-free offering from The Flux Capacitors, and very edible it was, too.
Marcus Trescothick was spotted in the crowd, amongst a few others. A nod to the current panic in the aisles of Tesco; the “They know where things are in B&Q” verse ended with, “And the loft is full of bog roll.”
Nigel confirmed the route and there were no stopovers. The journey does not take them on the Toll, so Norton Canes was not available. Blasted all the way there. Traffic was light and obviously, the bladders well managed.
Onto the songbook, two covers (as noted) and “Brian May”. Better have a look at that brobdingnagian set-list, because I don’t remember hearing that one for some time if at all. One for the historians. (Once this century – 2006 – Ed)
Anyway, here you go: –
Westward Ho!
Evening Sun
Bob Wilson
Bat Walk
Fred T
Lilac HQ
Restless Legs
Colombia
Irk
Bob Todd
Brian May Blues
Squabble
Terminus
Shit Arm
Gazebo
NSD
Part Time Punks (Television Personalities cover)
Look Dad
Vatican
1966
Bell Rings
JDOG
DPAK
Trad Arr Tune
Trumpton
……………………….
Paintball
Light Tunnel
20th Century Boy (T Rex)
AOR
Lots of shouting for Chatteris and unfeasibly, for Precious Mackenzie. I would say unlikely, but bearing in mind we’ve had Brian May, Letters Sent and Dickie Davies in the last three outings, never say never (Mr Bond).
Toodle Pip!
Mike…………………………….
7 March 2020
Bloke out walking the dog
Absolutely brilliant gig! Somehow, the lads seem to get better and better each time.
7 March 2020
John Hobson
Before playing Terminus, Nigel said, I think, that he had been inspired to write the song after reading a Philip K. Dick short story but I couldn’t hear which one. Did anyone hear which it was?
Thanks, John
7 March 2020
Chris The Siteowner
Gotta agree, they do seem to be slowly raising the bar, performance-wise. Not sure how or why. Love it though. Amazing to meet Jim (in the Timor Sea/Offshore Central America/in the South China Sea) over for his first gig since Glastonbury 1986; can any fan have had a longer gap between gigs? Posted a few pics on the hmhb_lyrics Twitter account (do follow).
7 March 2020
GORDON BURNS
Some partial covers…
Black Knight (intro by Karl, obvs.)
Are Friends Electrics? (Opening lines by Nigel, less obvs.)
But what was the one that Nigel tried and failed?
7 March 2020
hendrix-tattoo
Gordon, Nigel tried to play Papworth because someone in the crowd kept shouting Precious McKenzie at him….
7 March 2020
Jim on terra firma
First HMHB gig since 1986. Wonderful. Now I can die happy.
7 March 2020
Herbert anchovy
John Hobson, it was Cadbury, the Beaver that Lacked. I work with beavers so it stuck in my mind.
7 March 2020
Injured buzzard
@John Hobson. It was “Cadbury, the beaver that lacked”
7 March 2020
Rod E
As Jon B, I was at the point Cardiff 2008 and it was a great night. Last night in Bristol was also a great show. Enjoyed it all very much, hmhb, flux capacitors, the venue and good old Bristol Well worth the journey from West Wales.
7 March 2020
Darren
My first HMHB gig after wanting to see them for so long.
Did not disappoint. A fantastic gig full of energy, fun & great songs.
Glad to hear Marcus Trescothick and Louise Michin enjoyed it too.
Favs were Fred T, JDOG, NSD, DPAK & 1966 which I hadn’t heard for years. Lev Yashin, Ferenc Puskas…classic.
Thank you boys.
7 March 2020
Batwalker
I thought Vatican Broadside came after 1966. Not sure about that, though,
7 March 2020
Bloke out walking the dog
Good to meet Hendrix-Tattoo outside Temple Meads this morning. Lovely that you came over to say hello to us and look forward to meeting up again at future gigs.
7 March 2020
hendrix-tattoo
Yeah! Likewise BOWTD your mates jacket is boss….
8 March 2020
Clown in a yaris
Absolutely loved this venue, really small with great sound. Another brilliantly constructed setlist, Westward Ho is such a great opener. Fantastic gig (best one for me so far), fantastic crowd and just a great night alround. So on to the trail of the lonesome pine.
8 March 2020
Fullpelt
Was also at the Point gig in 08 with my mate who got me into HMHB. He’s passed away now so I always try to see them when they play anywhere around Wales and raise a glass for him. I think this was the best I’ve seen them play. The sound from Neil’s bass was incredible and the band were really tight. 1st time on here but I love reading the thoughts of the erudite fanbase of Britain’s greatest band. Bought an Achtung Bono t shirt and Godcore CD from the reasonably priced merch stand. Splendid
8 March 2020
Geoff Unlikely
How pleasing to find that 85% (est) of the crowd knew most of the lyrics to Part-time Punks. Pleasing as well to discover The Bank pub just up from SWX. Well worth a visit if you’re in the vicinity (and not in a crowd of about 50, as the pub is about 10ft by 40ft).
8 March 2020
Jim on terra firma
Geoff Unlikely – re: The Bank – hear hear! I and my scaly mates arrived in Bristol on Thursday – found The Bank – spent too long there, and THEN discovered it was 2 minutes from SWX. The best gig, the best beer…..
8 March 2020
CARRIE ANNE
Lovely Roger Green’s review, taken from Gez’s website http://www.hmhb.co.uk/guest/index.htm
Roger Green:
HALF MAN HALF BISCUIT
AT SWX, BRISTOL – 6 MARCH 2020
So the band has moved into the dynamic world of advertising. Issue 25 of John Robb’s magazine Louder Than War features an eighth-of-page ad for all the gigs covering the remainder of the year. The text is in white lettering over a dark background including the doll as featured in the sleeve artwork of No One Cares About Your Creative Hub So Get Your Fuckin’ Hedge Cut.
In Half Man Half Biscuit Support Act News, I’ve given a listen to Ultracrepidarian Soup, the excellent new album by Humdrum Express. Ian/Humdrum’s songs are not always exact replicas of HMHB’s work, but certainly the likes of Motivational Wall Art are blood cousins. Karen and I were pleased to note that West Wickhams (who were the support act at February’s Northampton show) have a spot at the Long Division Festival in Wakefield in June.
Harking back to an item from the previous show in Northampton, where Nigel said that he ordered tea at a Costa Coffee shop “because it angers them”, I put his theory to the test. The venue for the experiment was Costa’s franchise at Westgate railway station in Wakefield. Disappointingly, my order was met with what might be described as quiet indifference. More importantly, it was dealt with in a very efficient manner. And the pot of tea itself was pretty good. All in all, it was a satisfactory experience. On that basis I’ll be going again. Next time perhaps I will try it with a more provocative “Tea and what are you going to do about it?” manner.
The Sunday morning before this gig, Karen and I wandered round the middle of Chesterfield. Only the betting shops were open at the time. We noticed the Information Centre with script around the outside covering various notables from the area. Gordon Banks was featured (started his playing career with the town’s football team), as were Lady Baden Powell (born nearby), George Stephenson the engineer who moved to Chesterfield in 1838, and Bess Of Hardwick who was financially behind the building of the original Chatsworth House. All of which left us wondering about the omission of everyone’s favourite anchor man Bob Wilson (born in Chesterfield in 1941). In other anchor man news, congratulations to Jim Rosenthal who can add a lifetime achievement award for services from the British Sports Journalism Association, to the glory of being mentioned in a HMHB song. Sticking with Jim, we notice that he now has the gig commentating on Channel 4’s coverage of Crufts.
Sadly this coronavirus bug seems to have taken hold in the country. There have been a few suggestions from Boris and other politicians, to help prevent it spreading. For example, wash your hands for as long as it takes to get through a couple of choruses of Happy Birthday. He didn’t indicate whether he meant the song by Altered Images, or the one by Stevie Wonder. Gideon Coe’s suggestion was far more useful. He reckoned that the job would be done just as well if carried out whilst working your way through Vatican Broadside. That’ll do for me.
We arrived in Bristol in time for a hearty lunch (gammon, egg, chips) followed by a browse round Rough Trade. I knew they had a shop in Nottingham, in addition to their presence in London. But this one was news to me. No HMHB product, as you might expect. But we did find Mike in there, stocking up on his collection.
The papers were similarly bereft. Metro had a review of a live show by Steve Malkmus (actually he prefers to be known as Stephen, if you don’t mind). But they were silent on HMHB’s show. The same applied to the Western Daily Press. It was still pretty much a full house though.
Unusually, we were located quite close to the venue. Just a couple of hundred yards from the Premier Inn. We met Tony in the reception and took the short walk to join the queue. We bumped into Daz and Howie, who were making an evening of it, with a crawl round the pubs of the locality.
Round of applause for Karen, achieving her fiftieth gig. 11th April 2014 was her debut, at Leamington Spa. There was a spate of Hellos. Graham, Sarah, Portsmouth Phil, Andy (with whom I discussed the possibilities of venues in Glasgow), Chris, John, Elizabeth, Matt, Postman Tony (busman’s holiday for him as he went to great lengths to deliver a birthday card to me – thanks also for the pressie of a bottle of water). Graham Le Taxi arrived, just in time for the start of the show.
I also spoke with Michael, who was staffing the Flux Capacitors’ stall. Sadly, their t-shirts didn’t go up to the size required by those of us with the fuller figure. Maybe another time. Next door was an empty space. Miles was a late arrival, having battled against the madness of the motorways, and I was able to distract him as he was setting everything up. There was no gossip to be had, not even anything that might fill that gap at the end of the year, between the Leeds gig and Christmas. I thanked Miles, and let him get on with hanging the t-shirts.
Michael abandoned his salesman role to join Hazel and their drummer (known as “The Flux Capacitors’ Garrison, The Lush Max Harrison”) for the Flux Capacitors set. They had some very interesting walk-on music. It was a speech by Greta Thunberg, mashed up by Fatboy Slim with Right Here Right Now. Greta had been in Bristol the week before. I’m guessing that The Flux Capacitors might have been in attendance.
Michael was wearing a tremendous silver jacket. Wouldn’t have looked out of place on Wheeltappers And Shunters. And in true superstar mode, he had a roadie trotting backwards and forwards, swapping his guitar after nearly every tune. Fairytale Of New Look was introduced by Michael as addressing the problem of going vegan, losing loads of weight and then facing the nightmare of having to buy a whole wardrobe of new clothes. And there was Carcass, dealing with the family forgetting about Grandad’s ashes, until they realised that they had been left in the car when it had been sent to be crushed. It seems that Enid is the name of Michael’s boat.
Vocals are shared between Michael and Hazel. Her performance of Satan (Love Song For Bill Hicks) was a particular highlight. I don’t know if they have permanently dropped Hazel’s poetry from their shows, but I can recommend her collection, I’m Afraid Of The Pig In The City Farm. The band’s CD, Courtesan, is also worth dipping into your pocket.
Thanks to Michael for the set list. Brief and to the point, written on a thin strip of paper, it read…
Melt
Dr
Swim
Enid
Fairy
Satan
Carcass
More Hellos in the interval. Ian and Mariana in particular. They have some mates who run a café in Ulverston, which they were suggesting as a drop-in point during the day when HMHB are there. It’s the Fourpence Café on Kings Street. Their business card says they are “famous for our real lemonade, range of homemade products, distinctive dishes, all served in our pleasantly odd surroundings.” That all sounds good enough for me. We’ll put them to the test in April.
Tony was not tested at all by the HMHB walk-on music. He was straight in with Tchaikovsky’s First Piano Concerto. “The first piece of classical music to sell a million records,” he added. Who am I to disagree?
Karl was in a Neu! T-shirt, and Carl was wearing his Super Tit t-shirt, last seen at the Castleton show. We also noticed that Carl had grown a beard. “Are you alright for bags?” Nigel asked, to all in general in the audience. As usual, there was a degree of getting ready. Nigel said to the photographers waiting patiently in the moat between band and crowd “Normally bands walk on stage and start playing straightaway. We don’t do crap like that.” He then struck plenty of poses for them while they took shots during the first couple of songs. “I think that’s the most we’ve had our pictures taken ever,” Nigel added after the photographers had left. “They’ll all look like mugshots. Good job we always have gig haircuts.”
There was an early crowd spot. “Trevor Tainton, ladies and gentlemen!” To balance things up between City and Rovers, Nigel also spotted Alan Warboys later on. Another football comment came after Bob Wilson Anchorman. “I’ve said it before. He was a great goal-keeper though.”
In Renfield’s Afoot, Nigel said the line about bringing a torch and added “But not one of those police torches. It scares the bats.” At the end of the song he noted “True story.” Nigel performed a lot of this show without playing his guitar, instead doing the Mark E Smith / Chuck D patrolling of the stage thing.
He said that the band had travelled straight to Bristol without stopping. “Smart motorways doing their job” (but compare and contrast with Miles’ experience a couple of hours later.) Norton Canes would have been out of the way, and they didn’t bother with Michaelwood (not named after the historian, it would seem.) Nigel had intended to go and see Parasite at the cinema, but then realised that he needed to do his fixed odds coupon at William Hill’s. He opted for a tuna wrap in Queen Square.
There was some ruthless logic from Nigel when he introduced one of the songs by saying “This is about Restless Leg syndrome.” There was a Norman Collier moment when Nigel’s microphone started working intermittently. Great work from the lady doing the sound, who was able to fix up an alternative. And before What Made Colombia Famous, Nigel commented “This is about certain people that I know.”
Here is something that I have never noticed before. I saw the letters “SWX” imprinted on the foot of Karl’s mike stand. I assume this is to prevent any misappropriation of assets. I’ll look out for that at other venues. Nigel proved himself to be an all-round entertainer with a couple of light bulb jokes.
“How many A and R men does it take to change a light bulb? Can I get back to you on that one?” And “How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb? It takes a hundred. One to change the light bulb, and the other ninety-nine to sing about how great the old light bulb was.” (I can remember seeing John Cooper Clarke telling that second one when I went to see him thirty or more years ago.)
There were a couple of shouts for Precious Mackenzie, being indirect requests for I Left My Heart In Papworth General. Nigel tried to recall how to play the opening bars. Neil was more successful with the bass line, but they decided to leave it at that. Nigel said “In a similar vein…” before the band played 99% Of Gargoyles.
Nigel spoke a little about the band’s first visit to Bristol when they played at The Tropic Club in the mid-eighties. “After John Peel had just played us. Is it still open?” Apparently not. But the gig does get mentioned on a retro web site about the club. With the problems highlighted in Running Order Squabble Fest, Nigel added “It happens to every band.”
He started talking about a football annual in his possession.There is a picture of Howard Kendall and his girlfriend sitting on top of a Cortina. On the next page, there is Nerys Hughes in a Wales kit. Nigel suggested that she might have been a better player than most of the current Tranmere team.Terminus was inspired by the story Cadbury, The Beaver Who Lacked by Philip K Dick. Nigel may have said “Cadbury, The Beaver That Lacked”.
In response to a shout for Rock ‘n’ Roll Is Full Of Bad Wools, Nigel was engaged in a conversation where he said he got called a “pure wool” by someone in Kirkby. His answer to that was that he could make it into the middle of Liverpool in ten minutes, whereas it would take forty-five minutes from Kirkby.
There was some more celebrity spotting. “Marcus Trescothick, ladies and gentlemen.” Used To Be In Evil Gazebo was “about someone I used to know” and saw Nigel produce the big table-tennis serve. All the subject’s songs are about death, destruction etc, and on this occasion, also Diazepam. There was also specific reference to Pankhurst’s album entering the charts at Number Four. Nigel made out to look impatiently at his watch during the part where the song reverts just to Neil’s bass.
Louise Minchin was spotted by Nigel. “Do you need some more pallets?” he asked, before adding “Did you get the quicklime? He’s not going to bury himself.” Someone asked what she was doing at the gig. Nigel answered “I don’t know. Ask Marcus Trescothick.”
I lost the plot a little when they played Television Personalities’ Part Time Punks. Great song. Great cover version. Look Dad No Tunes was “another true story”. There was a brief playing of the intro of Black Night. Postman Tony got in his shout of “Stanley Mortensen” at the end of 1966 And All That.
A treat for Gary Numan fans… Somebody shouted out “It’s cold outside!” to which Nigel helpfully continued… “And the paint’s peeling off of my walls.” Nigel then told the one about it being so cold that he saw a lawyer walking round with his hands in his own pockets.
Nigel noted that the band had missed a trick by not having face masks available on the merch stall. And hand sanitiser “if you can get hold of it”. HMHB face masks? There’s an idea. During Every Time A Bell Rings, Nigel mimed a yawn on the line about Boardman bikes and the cycle to work scheme. Nigel did a nifty “One Two Three Four” count-in at the start of We Built This Village On A Trad Arr tune.
When the band returned for the encore, Nigel acknowledged a request for Buzzcocks’ Operator’s Manual. In Paintball’s Coming Home, the line was “They know where things are at B And Q / They’ve got a loft full of toilet rolls.” (I suppose that is also a true story by now.)
I caught part of a conversation involving Neil. “He drives the van,” said Nigel. “It’s a lot easier for him now that we have smart motorways. And he’s quite good as well,” he added, turning to Karl, who started playing 20th Century Boy.
At the end of the show Nigel’s farewell message was “Have a good weekend, weatherwise or otherwise” before he placed a Public Service Announcement sign at the front of the stage saying “Now Wash Your Hands”. Thanks to Carl for screwing up his set list and throwing it across the moat. My catch reminded me of my days at mid-off in the under thirteens. Except that I usually dropped the ball on those occasions.
The songs played were
Westward Ho! – Massive Letdown
When The Evening Sun Goes Down
Bob Wilson Anchorman
Renfield’s Afoot
Fuckin’ ‘Ell It’s Fred Titmus
A Lilac Harry Quinn
Restless Legs
What Made Colombia Famous
Irk The Purists
Ninety-Nine Per Cent Of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd
Hair Like Brian May Blues
Running Order Squabble Fest
Terminus
Shit Arm Bad Tattoo
Used To Be In Evil Gazebo
National Shite Day
Part Time Punks
Look Dad No Tunes
Vatican Broadside
1966 And All That
Every Time A Bell Rings
Joy Division Oven Gloves
All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit
We Built This Village On A Trad Arr Tune
The Trumpton Riots
And in the encore
Paintball’s Coming Home
The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Is The Light Of An Oncoming Train
20th Century Boy
Everything’s AOR
Browsing through Carl’s list, I noticed a few amendments. Fred Titmus was not scheduled. Vatican Broadside and 1966 And All That swapped places. Descent Of The Stiperstones was originally included, between Joy Division Oven Gloves and Dukla Prague, but was dropped for some reason. And Paintball’s Coming Home had not been planned. Maybe Nigel was keen to get that line in about toilet rolls in the loft.
Afterwards Karen, Tony, Postman Tony and I retired to the Bay Horse for beer and recollections. To be joined by John. There were also several other attendees round and about. I hope we are all able to re-convene in Ulverston.
8 March 2020
CARRIE ANNE
@CtSO, just because I know you like pedantry, I’ll point out that this gig took place on 6th March 😉
8 March 2020
Chris The Siteowner
Oh brilliant, well done me. Thanks. Good to see you all! For whoever asked, I worked out on the way home that this was my 27th gig (not bad) in 27 years (decent spread) but of course that only gives me an average of 1/year (which is awful).
8 March 2020
Chris The Siteowner
Worth mentioning that Vatican Broadside and 1966 And All That did indeed swap places, but that was because someone shouted out for the former, Nigel decided to do it impromptu, and then noticed as the song finished that it was supposed to be the next but one anyway.
8 March 2020
Borough Surveyor
In another universe they would have played Stiperstones, as planned, and I would be an even happier BS. Bollocko
9 March 2020
dr desperate
A Happy Birthday to Roger (today) and Happy 50th Gig to Karen (Friday)!
A few supplementaries to his exemplary review:
CtSO’s and my traditional reply of “Three!” to Flux Capacitor Mike’s query “Any vegans in tonight?” proved incorrect, as the band’s own sound woman was also of the plant-based persuasion, making four. Nigel later referred to her as Colin, and put the malfunctioning microphone she replaced next to his butty box. Mike’s vegan vermilion velvet Docs were not on display, replaced by a pair he’d bought at an auction for 50 quid.
The spotting of Marcus Trescothick triggered NB’s recollection of seeing one of Banger’s wagon wheels and thinking that was how his own mind was sometimes (ie all over the place, presumably. Some may recall Ken’s medical charts being similarly described in 2017).
The “weather-wise or otherwise” sign-off quoted opinionated forecaster Benjamin Franklin.
You can read most of the Philip K Dick tale on which ‘Terminus’ was allegedly based here, and decide whether its story of a beaver falling in love with a woman by exchanging messages in snuffboxes bears much resemblance to Nigel’s finest song. It’s described on one of the Dickhead sites as “not to put too fine a point on it, insane”.
On to Ulverston!
9 March 2020
Chris The Siteowner
The creator of Carl’s “Super Tit” t-shirt has excitedly spotted it on Twitter (appropriately) and has linked to where you can get one.
9 March 2020
dr desperate
Does he do a Bearded Tit one?
9 March 2020
Cycleboy2
Great gig but Marcus Trescothick, while name-checked, was not in the crowd. Coincidentally I was at a dinner the following evening with Marcus Trescothick and asked him – he was most bemused by the question but said he wasn’t there.
9 March 2020
dr desperate
I wonder if Nigel watched last week’s University Challenge, the music round of which featured a song that he quoted on Friday.
9 March 2020
FEATURELESS TV PRODUCER STEVE
Cool t-shirt or not, I’m not sure someone whose knowledge concerning the greatest band on the planet can be summed up with the sentence “I remember thinking they had one of the best band names ever when I was a kid in the 80s” is someone I care to do business with, thank you very much.
9 March 2020
Bobby Svarc
Are we to believe Blackwell anymore then? I was at the Lembo gig in 2011 when Mick Coop tried to shake my hand and I told him to **** off. Man, I’m so sorry, whoever you are.
10 March 2020
Warden Hodges
I’m expecting ex-Regional TV presenter now firefighter Beccy Barr at the Ulverston gig.
10 March 2020
cream cheese and chives
If he wanted to continue the cricket theme from Bristol, NB could spot Norman Gifford at Ulverston.
10 March 2020
dr desperate
Of the four spottees at Bristol only Trevor Tainton was born there (Louise Minchin is a Hongkonger). We could see klepto-colleague Christine McVie (née Perfect) at Ulverston.
10 March 2020
hendrix-tattoo
Let’s hope we don’t see Arthur Stanley Jefferson at Ulverston….
10 March 2020
BOBBY SVARC
Big Wes showing up wearing his Half Forest Half Leicester T-Shirt at the May gig would be good
10 March 2020
Ammethyst deceiver
It would be great to see Big Wes there, especially if he was accompanied by the similarly attired Peter Shilton, Alan Rogers and, dare I say it, Andy Impey.
10 March 2020
Amethyst Deceiver
One ‘M’ in Amethyst, of course. But you knew that didn’t you?
10 March 2020
brumbiscuit
As a point of pedantry, the Point gig in Cardiff was 1/3/2007 & remains my second-best ever HMHB gig.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdOJziRZXIM
10 March 2020
Blob-Tonic
I’m ere cus MES is dead. HMHB fans even more cult festering than the Fall ones – great work!
11 March 2020
hendrix-tattoo
Actually we will see Arthur Stanley and also his partner Oliver Norvell because their statue is outside the Coronation hall….
11 March 2020
dr desperate
It may come up in conversation next month that Ulverston is twinned with Harlem, Georgia.
11 March 2020
dr desperate
Did anyone notice that Nigel was wearing a Scotch tape dispenser on his left wrist? Saves having to worry about where it begins, I suppose.
13 March 2020
Borough surveyor
What does Nigel eat during the gig? Seems to eat something, or is it chewing tobacco. Does he have the mild air of a retail tobacconist I wonder?
He smoked when he had hair?!
13 March 2020
Sean
It was me who shouted for “operators manual” made my evening when he said that was a cracking tune. Great gig cant wait for cheese and grain gig where i will shout for something else.
8 September 2021