“For those not old enough to remember the show, the format was simple. Build a tricky [motorcycle] trials course with log crossings, narrow beams, steep climbs and often a poor old VW Beetle for some reason. The riders were all amateur, semi-pro or professional trials riders [isn’t that ALL categories of rider?], with separate shows for adults and juniors. As per trials rules, the riders took to the course against the clock, with time penalties being applied for putting a foot down while attempting an obstacle or if a rider missed it completely.”
Despite knowing the above it took several/many listens to Footprints for the penny to drop: there were no footprints in the sand because the Lord had been riding a trials motorcycle. This post is for the benefit of people who don’t know what Junior Kickstart was about and for those who, like me, are a bit slow on the uptake.
18 October 2020
dr desperate
Christ on a bike, @Milord, that’s good!
19 October 2020
lord leominster
I get the ‘Christ on a bike’ joke, thanks. I wish I’d thought of that myself. But does that mean it’s not immediately obvious that the Lord was being careful not to put His foot down so as not to leave footprints? In which case I am feeling rather pleased with myself.
19 October 2020
dr desperate
Others may have made the same connection, but I admit I didn’t. (I must also admit to a pang of regret at losing the surrealness of the Lord’s excuse/alibi.)
19 October 2020
Chris The Siteowner
I’m CtSO, and I endorse that message.
19 October 2020
mister tubbs
Presumably the Lord would’ve had to’ve shaved his beard off to get accepted as a contestant on the junior version of the show?
19 October 2020
lord leominster
Oh. I see. I know exactly what you mean. Sorry.
19 October 2020
Cream CHEESE AND chives
If He were actually astride a trials bike,would there not have been a tyre track in the sand alongside the travellers footprints? There is no mention of any.
19 October 2020
Cream CHEESE AND chives
In this sea of pedantry I realise I have omitted a possessive apostrophe.
19 October 2020
dr desperate
Internal evidence suggests that the walker’s hearing was acute enough to notice, had the Lord been riding a 250cc motorcycle alongside him; more likely He was honing His levitation skills (see Mark 6:45, etc), so as to avoid “dabs” while appearing on JKS.
19 October 2020
lord leominster
Despite the inconsistences that have been highlighted (beard, tyre tracks, engine noise) I remain convinced that in the HMHB version of Footprints the Lord had been riding a trials motorbike. This has led me to consider a glaring inconsistency in the poem (if a poem it is) that the song lampoons. The poem ends thus: “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you Never, ever, during your [motorbike based] trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you.” A more likely and appropriate response from the Lord would surely be: “When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you. And, frankly, I am more than a little disappointed and hurt that you don’t even remember me carrying you. After all, it’s not like you haven’t let yourself go recently and you’re not carrying a few extra kilos. Have you not even bothered to notice how deep those footprints in the sand are?”
20 October 2020
lord leominster
I think that should be ‘Me’ not ‘me’.
20 October 2020
lord leominster
Oh, I’m getting myself into bother here. I mean the ‘Me’ that the Lord says, not the ‘me’ that I said. Oh, and my name is based on my ancestry, I’m related to Lord Hereford don’t you know? It’s a local joke that only works if you know that Leominster is an even-lower-rent version of Hereford. I’m not claiming that my Lordship is deity based. I hope that’s cleared all that up.
20 October 2020
dr desperate
“During your time trials…”
20 October 2020
IDIOT SAUL
Next time you’re travelling through East Texas, be sure to call in at Carthage, home of the Texas Country Music Hall of Fame. The small city has two monuments of note: a 14 foot Footprints in the Sand statue and a Jim Reeves memorial. Jim was born just outside Carthage.
20 October 2020
EXXO
I waited on this one, because I woke up on Sunday morning just as Radmac were on about the most famous scene from Junior Kickstart, the one with the St. John’s ambulance in the mud that I referred to in the Xmas Quiz in fact. Jesus saves and then St. John falls in the mud, failing to net the rebound, as it were. I didn’t want to reply to this thread until I’d had the chance to listen to the Radmac in case it had any relevance to the HMHB song (which the DJs had professed love for a couple of years ago when it featured on The Chain). But it has no such relevance, the comments being made in the aftermath of a track called Junior Kickstart by ye olde Go! Team.
That was really just an excuse not to reply to this thread though cos I wanted someone else to do the pedantic stuff first. So thanks for covering those points for me Cheeso!
Nevertheless, the pedantry is about the song, not about Leommy’s flash of brilliance, and I would like to nominate the Lord for a Gold Biscuit award for a massive elucidation of an airshipping of all of us – well probably just most HMHB fans, but all of us on here I’d guess – for so long, even though in a way he’s also pointed out the flaws in Nigel’s imagery.
So we now have a song that climaxes brilliantly with You can’t put your foot down in Time Trials as a counterpoint to one that climaxes brilliantly with You can’t put your foot up in Europe. And that folks, is the way Mr. B’s genius works.
20 October 2020
lord leominster
I was bracing myself for as mauling there, Exxo. A Gold Biscuit award nomination, eh? I’ve been posting utter drivel on this site for well over a year now and it seems that I have finally made a real contribution to the world of Biscuitology, albeit accidentally. I genuinely thought that the foot-down idea must be so obvious that it just went without saying, but that I’d say it anyway. Careful now, I may be tempted to offer up more of my ‘insight’.
20 October 2020
EXXO
I’m already half convincing myself that I can vaguely remember a live version where the lyric was improved to “practising for my appearance on… Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunior Kickstart!”
But unless it could be found somewhere in According to Roger (chapter 5,6 or 7 perhaps) it would be at best apocryphal.
20 October 2020
TRANSIT FULL OF keith
You’re all forgetting about His electric hover donkey.
20 October 2020
Bobby Svarc
I thought the lords footprints aren’t in the sand are because he is not there. He’s appearing on Junior Kickstart with Peter Purves, no?
21 October 2020
Lord leominsTer
That’s what I love about all this stuff. You just never really know. The most likely answer is usually the correct one. Given the lack of evidence to support my hypothesis and due to the remaining uncertainty I shall politely decline my GB nomination on this occasion.
21 October 2020
dr desperate
Like the pericope of Jesus walking on the water, it’s open to many interpretations, including but not limited to all of the above. I see it as an example of creative symbolism, understood by some readers literally and by others allegorically. (Theologist Sherman Johnson interpreted Mark 6:45 as a pious legend, reducing the surrealness of the miracle to a stroll on a sandbar.)
You make a pretty conclusive case and then you say there’s no evidence and withdraw the case. Are you sure you don’t work for the CPS corporate finance division?
21 October 2020
dr desperate
To increase the pedantry another notch, you can put your foot down in time trials (cross-country events where riders are issued time cards which are stamped at control points, losing a point for every two minutes that they are late). JKS was an observation trial (run over hazard-strewn terrain which has to be negotiated without any part of the body touching the ground).
21 October 2020
EXXO
Bet the terrain isn’t as hazard-strewn as the paths can suddenly become when I hear them riding dirt bikes illegally in the woods behind ours (cackles vengefully).
21 October 2020
dirk hofman
.. during your trials of time .. PP is God
21 October 2020
lord leominster
I just like to please everyone, that’s my trouble.
21 October 2020
Half Matt, half Byrne
“since God were a lad”
Perhaps that’s the suggestion of being eligible for Junior Kicstart rather than the adults?
✉ Letters Sent (31)
Skip to the most recent comment
(6 years ago by Half Matt, Half Byrne)
THIS LEADEN PAUL
A spin-off from Kick Start – yes, I’m as shocked as you are. Shall we watch this bit again?
12 July 2015
Lord leominster
Copied and pasted from visordown.com:
“For those not old enough to remember the show, the format was simple. Build a tricky [motorcycle] trials course with log crossings, narrow beams, steep climbs and often a poor old VW Beetle for some reason. The riders were all amateur, semi-pro or professional trials riders [isn’t that ALL categories of rider?], with separate shows for adults and juniors. As per trials rules, the riders took to the course against the clock, with time penalties being applied for putting a foot down while attempting an obstacle or if a rider missed it completely.”
Despite knowing the above it took several/many listens to Footprints for the penny to drop: there were no footprints in the sand because the Lord had been riding a trials motorcycle. This post is for the benefit of people who don’t know what Junior Kickstart was about and for those who, like me, are a bit slow on the uptake.
18 October 2020
dr desperate
Christ on a bike, @Milord, that’s good!
19 October 2020
lord leominster
I get the ‘Christ on a bike’ joke, thanks. I wish I’d thought of that myself. But does that mean it’s not immediately obvious that the Lord was being careful not to put His foot down so as not to leave footprints? In which case I am feeling rather pleased with myself.
19 October 2020
dr desperate
Others may have made the same connection, but I admit I didn’t.
(I must also admit to a pang of regret at losing the surrealness of the Lord’s excuse/alibi.)
19 October 2020
Chris The Siteowner
I’m CtSO, and I endorse that message.
19 October 2020
mister tubbs
Presumably the Lord would’ve had to’ve shaved his beard off to get accepted as a contestant on the junior version of the show?
19 October 2020
lord leominster
Oh. I see. I know exactly what you mean. Sorry.
19 October 2020
Cream CHEESE AND chives
If He were actually astride a trials bike,would there not have been a tyre track in the sand alongside the travellers footprints? There is no mention of any.
19 October 2020
Cream CHEESE AND chives
In this sea of pedantry I realise I have omitted a possessive apostrophe.
19 October 2020
dr desperate
Internal evidence suggests that the walker’s hearing was acute enough to notice, had the Lord been riding a 250cc motorcycle alongside him; more likely He was honing His levitation skills (see Mark 6:45, etc), so as to avoid “dabs” while appearing on JKS.
19 October 2020
lord leominster
Despite the inconsistences that have been highlighted (beard, tyre tracks, engine noise) I remain convinced that in the HMHB version of Footprints the Lord had been riding a trials motorbike.
This has led me to consider a glaring inconsistency in the poem (if a poem it is) that the song lampoons. The poem ends thus:
“My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your [motorbike based] trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.”
A more likely and appropriate response from the Lord would surely be:
“When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you. And, frankly, I am more than a little disappointed and hurt that you don’t even remember me carrying you. After all, it’s not like you haven’t let yourself go recently and you’re not carrying a few extra kilos. Have you not even bothered to notice how deep those footprints in the sand are?”
20 October 2020
lord leominster
I think that should be ‘Me’ not ‘me’.
20 October 2020
lord leominster
Oh, I’m getting myself into bother here. I mean the ‘Me’ that the Lord says, not the ‘me’ that I said. Oh, and my name is based on my ancestry, I’m related to Lord Hereford don’t you know? It’s a local joke that only works if you know that Leominster is an even-lower-rent version of Hereford. I’m not claiming that my Lordship is deity based. I hope that’s cleared all that up.
20 October 2020
dr desperate
“During your time trials…”
20 October 2020
IDIOT SAUL
Next time you’re travelling through East Texas, be sure to call in at Carthage, home of the Texas Country Music Hall of Fame. The small city has two monuments of note: a 14 foot Footprints in the Sand statue and a Jim Reeves memorial. Jim was born just outside Carthage.
20 October 2020
EXXO
I waited on this one, because I woke up on Sunday morning just as Radmac were on about the most famous scene from Junior Kickstart, the one with the St. John’s ambulance in the mud that I referred to in the Xmas Quiz in fact. Jesus saves and then St. John falls in the mud, failing to net the rebound, as it were.
I didn’t want to reply to this thread until I’d had the chance to listen to the Radmac in case it had any relevance to the HMHB song (which the DJs had professed love for a couple of years ago when it featured on The Chain). But it has no such relevance, the comments being made in the aftermath of a track called Junior Kickstart by ye olde Go! Team.
That was really just an excuse not to reply to this thread though cos I wanted someone else to do the pedantic stuff first. So thanks for covering those points for me Cheeso!
Nevertheless, the pedantry is about the song, not about Leommy’s flash of brilliance, and I would like to nominate the Lord for a Gold Biscuit award for a massive elucidation of an airshipping of all of us – well probably just most HMHB fans, but all of us on here I’d guess – for so long, even though in a way he’s also pointed out the flaws in Nigel’s imagery.
So we now have a song that climaxes brilliantly with You can’t put your foot down in Time Trials as a counterpoint to one that climaxes brilliantly with You can’t put your foot up in Europe. And that folks, is the way Mr. B’s genius works.
20 October 2020
lord leominster
I was bracing myself for as mauling there, Exxo. A Gold Biscuit award nomination, eh? I’ve been posting utter drivel on this site for well over a year now and it seems that I have finally made a real contribution to the world of Biscuitology, albeit accidentally. I genuinely thought that the foot-down idea must be so obvious that it just went without saying, but that I’d say it anyway. Careful now, I may be tempted to offer up more of my ‘insight’.
20 October 2020
EXXO
I’m already half convincing myself that I can vaguely remember a live version where the lyric was improved to “practising for my appearance on… Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunior Kickstart!”
But unless it could be found somewhere in According to Roger (chapter 5,6 or 7 perhaps) it would be at best apocryphal.
20 October 2020
TRANSIT FULL OF keith
You’re all forgetting about His electric hover donkey.
20 October 2020
Bobby Svarc
I thought the lords footprints aren’t in the sand are because he is not there. He’s appearing on Junior Kickstart with Peter Purves, no?
21 October 2020
Lord leominsTer
That’s what I love about all this stuff. You just never really know. The most likely answer is usually the correct one. Given the lack of evidence to support my hypothesis and due to the remaining uncertainty I shall politely decline my GB nomination on this occasion.
21 October 2020
dr desperate
Like the pericope of Jesus walking on the water, it’s open to many interpretations, including but not limited to all of the above. I see it as an example of creative symbolism, understood by some readers literally and by others allegorically.
(Theologist Sherman Johnson interpreted Mark 6:45 as a pious legend, reducing the surrealness of the miracle to a stroll on a sandbar.)
21 October 2020
dr desperate
(There’s no “s” in pericope, btw.)
21 October 2020
BOBBY SVARC
This was a magical night
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QOuzB12TnA
21 October 2020
EXXO
You make a pretty conclusive case and then you say there’s no evidence and withdraw the case. Are you sure you don’t work for the CPS corporate finance division?
21 October 2020
dr desperate
To increase the pedantry another notch, you can put your foot down in time trials (cross-country events where riders are issued time cards which are stamped at control points, losing a point for every two minutes that they are late).
JKS was an observation trial (run over hazard-strewn terrain which has to be negotiated without any part of the body touching the ground).
21 October 2020
EXXO
Bet the terrain isn’t as hazard-strewn as the paths can suddenly become when I hear them riding dirt bikes illegally in the woods behind ours (cackles vengefully).
21 October 2020
dirk hofman
.. during your trials of time .. PP is God
21 October 2020
lord leominster
I just like to please everyone, that’s my trouble.
21 October 2020
Half Matt, half Byrne
“since God were a lad”
Perhaps that’s the suggestion of being eligible for Junior Kicstart rather than the adults?
16 January 2021